The Underground Molesters Return

By Shadowgate

….

Stan Marsh walked out of his house on Tegridy Farms. It was a Sunday afternoon and he knew that they were going to reopen the school tomorrow morning. Never mind that Token got shot and the first reopening was a complete disaster.

If the Co-Vid crisis itself wasn't bad enough all his weekends were worthless because he lived out on that Goddamn farm which may as well be part of "The Nothing Part" of Nebraska they passed by on the way to Cartman's house. That Thanksgiving fiasco that Stan brought about because he defied his mom's "no" answer was a happy memory compared to the fucked up shit he was going through now.

Stan exhaled then moaned. Then he looked up at the sky. He was a dark rain cloud only it was very dark. Plus, he felt a feeling of foreboding as the dark cloud slowly moved north. He felt like this disturbing force was upon him.

He turned around and went right back in the house.

He heard his mom say "oh Stan I'm glad you're in now I want you to stay in because there are tornado warnings."

The next morning at school all the children sat at their desks with masks and see through shields like before. Token had his arm in a cast and sling and he was pissed he had to be in school with not only Co-VID fucking up everything but a broken arm as well.

"Kyle and Cartman get in a fight like always and a fucking police officer shoots me. In this community every cop is just as dumb as Barbrady."

The teacher groaned and told Token he'd better change his attitude or she'd send him to the principal's office.

Token yelled "okay at this point my nice guy attitude is out the fucking window. I'm through being nice. Fucking Co-Vid, I have a fucked up arm and Stan you were right the whole world is fucked."

Token stormed out into the hallway.

The teacher said "that's it I'm telling PC Principal to suspend him for profanity and disrupting class."

Craig and Butters both tried to persuade the teacher not to do that and they would talk to Token.

A minute after convincing the teacher to hold back on disciplinary action they both walked out in the hallway.

They found Token leaning up against the lockers crying.

Craig said "Token please let's talk."

Butters was ready to cry and he said "we're here for you buddy."

Token turned to them and said "guys please just leave me alone. I can't handle school today."

Butters moaned and little and Craig put his hand on his shoulder telling him "Butters let's let him have time alone. I don't blame him for not wanting to be in school."

Butters told Craig "I don't want to be in school either."

Craig's eyebrows went up and he said "Butters you didn't get shot over nothing. You're not sick so man up my friend."

Butters nodded and told Craig he was right. Craig said "move" and they went back into the classroom.

Shortly after they did PC Principal got on the intercom and called an assembly in the gym.

Token moaned and said "sure I like PC Principal but he calls so many fucking assemblies."

When all the students got to the gym Counselor Mackey announced "everyone I have troubling news. At this time Clyde Donovan a fourth-grade student at this school is missing."

All the students were in shock.

After the assembly, the school was quiet like never before. After school Kenny walked up to Kyle and asked him "where do you think Clyde could be?"

Kyle simply answered "I have no fucking idea."

Cartman said in an irritable tone "I'll bet he's just playing hooky. That's what I wish I decided to do."

Soon after Cartman's input his rival Kyle blew up at him "Cartman if he was playing hooky his closest friends would know it. How often do kids play hooky this much?

Cartman was quick to answer "Clyde has been missing since Thursday so that makes three days. I've played hooky longer."

Kyle exhaled and told Cartman that he certainly believed him about playing hooky for more than three days but then asked "would Clyde do that? Let's consider that Clyde has never been known to do that. Everyone knows when a kid is legally missing it's because the parents have reported him missing."

Kenny pointed out "even if the parents in South Park are stupid and negligent they will know when their kids are missing."

Cartman asked "where's Stan is he missing now?"

Kyle smacked Cartman and began scolding him "you saw Stan get in a car with his mom and he has an hour drive ahead. Now is not the time to be making fucking jokes because one kid we know in South Park is already missing and knowing the history of crazy shit that happens in this town I ask you; do you see anyone else joking at all?"

Cartman simply answered "no I don't."

Kenny could only think of one thing to say.

"All we can do is be vigilant."

Kyle told Kenny "you're right now let's all get home because we know Co-Vid is bad."

When three friends got off the bus Cartman shouted that he was rushing home to play video games. Kyle told Kenny to come over at 6PM that way they could check in with each other. Kyle insisted that kids should be keeping an eye on their friends in times of Co-Vid and with Clyde gone missing.

Kenny told Kyle he was in full agreement.

5:30 PM

Kyle's IPHONE rang and he looked to see it was 'fatass' calling.

When Kyle answered he heard crying in the background.

Kyle naturally said "hello."

Cartman replied "Kyle I've been a jackass."

Kyle responded back "well that's normal tell me something new."

Cartman explained "I tried to act tough but Co-Vid is a Goddamn killer and what if Clyde really is dead because a serial killer who targets children got him? What if I'm next?"

Kyle shouted "I'm glad you're finally serious Kenny is on his way now get your ass over to my house too."

Kyle heard his doorbell ring. When he opened it he saw Kenny along with Cartman as expected.

Kyle told them both "I'm happy to see you both here."

Kenny stated "it looks like Cartman has come to his senses and realizes the situation with Clyde is fucking serious."

Cartman had a sad face but managed to respond "yes I have."

All three sat down on Kyle's living room couch. They talked about where they thought Clyde could be. They talked about dark rumors that the child molester cult that took Chef away from them had returned to South Park.

30 minutes later there was a knock on the door.

Both boys opened the door and saw Craig who asked if he could come in. Kyle told him "of course" and after that Craig took a seat on Kyle's living room couch.

Kenny asked Craig "how is your little sister holding up?"

Craig answered "I am doing my best to keep her comfortable."

Kenny replied "same situation with me."

Kyle asked "how are your parents?"

Craig told Kyle it was just the usual bullshit with them fighting with Butters parents.

Next Kyle pointed out "I'm terrified over the disappearance of Clyde and I'm sure that should have been the first person we asked you about."

Craig immediately snapped "no shit dude my best friend has been missing and I've never been so anxious in my fucking life. Even Peru wasn't this bad because that pandemic wasn't a Goddamn plague!"

Kenny and Kyle both took a vow to help Craig anyway they could and Kyle said he would call Stan and tell him to take the same vow.

Even Cartman told Craig "the fact remains we owe for saving our asses in Peru."

After Kyle called Stan an hour away at Tegridy Farm there was another knock at the door.

Token and Butters were at the door.

Kyle let them in.

Craig Tucker threw up in Kyle's bathroom toilet. He had never been such a nervous wreck in his life.

After that he went to lie down on Kyle's living room couch.

Kyle and Ike walked up to him wearing face masks.

Craig turned to them and said "I don't have Co-Vid I just threw up because for all I know my super best friend is dead."

Kyle stated "we owe it to you to search out Clyde because you saved our asses in Peru."

Craig felt a cold sweat come on and began shaking. He told Kyle in a weak voice "do what you can."

Immediately after that he shut his eyes and did his best to drift off to sleep.

Kyle led Stan into his kitchen for a private discussion.

As soon as Kyle caught his breath he began speaking.

"Stan this Corona Virus Pandemic is the worst. We were able to kill zombies as well as other menaces in South Park but this virus spreads like the plague."

Kyle exhaled in frustration then said "anyhow I don't care for now we're in my house not outside exposed. It's time for a bro-hug."

Kyle hugs Stan.

Stan begins speaking.

"we kids must unite like never before. All differences should be put aside to save Clyde."

"Absolutely" Kyle shouted.

Token walked up to Stan and Kyle and said "excuse me I know we're all suffering from anxiety like never before but let's recall our plan to find Clyde. I believe we were going to get guns."

Token pulls out a blue bandanna from his backpack and puts it on.

Stan smiled and told Token "that gangster look might startle the kidnappers."

Token commented back "yes but I'm still not packing any firepower."

Stan replied "well that's going to change very soon. As I've borrowed guns from my uncle's shop. Furthermore, there's an old friend who will help us."

"Old friend?" Kyle asked.

Stan told Kyle "ask yourself how I got to your house from Tegridy Farms so fucking fast?"

Kyle's face shot up a look of surprise.

Kyle had a look of surprise on his face for five whole seconds. Then he finally asked, "is Damien coming around for a visit anytime soon?"

Stan closed his eyes and raised his arms.

Soon there was a knock on the door.

Stan spoke in a creepy voice "someone's at the door."

Kyle opened the door knowing full well he'd see "Damien" he shouted a second after opening the door.

Damien replied, "I just got back from Arkansas where there was some nice picketing."

Kyle replied "yes, I heard about that. Please come in."

After Damien entered, he walked over to Craig and gave him a high five. After that he promised Craig, the search would not end until Clyde was found.

Cartman was hiding under the Broflovski's kitchen table. Kyle yelled out "Cartman I know you're hiding under my fucking kitchen table."

Damien laughed then yelled "keep hiding there or I'll fart on you in the name of revenge."

Kyle laughed and then high fived Damien.

Stan pointed out that they should get going which Craig reiterated "yes please get going Clyde's life is on the fucking line."

Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, and Damien all took off.

They headed up to the mountains. All of them had guns except Damien who would be using hellfire.

About a mile into the woods, they came across the woodland critters. Luckily, the woodland critters told them that the bastards who took Chef were holding Clyde hostage in a wood shack to the right.

They quickly moved right and Damien burned a lock off the cabin door and kicked the door in. They found Clyde unconscious right beside Chef's head.

Damien used his superpowers to examine Clyde.

Damien then confirmed "I can hear his breathing and heartbeat. He's alive."

Out of nowhere a man yelled "what the hell are you kids doing?"

All the kids turned around and Damien answered, "you fucking pedophiles are all going to die."

Damien summoned fire and burned two of them. The others tried to escape but didn't get far because the woodland critters chased them down and ate them alive.

Clyde was examined at Hell's Pass Hospital and then released.

THE END