Hey guys,

Okay I know it's been a little while since uploading and I'm sorry about that.

Also I know you hate me and the way this story has gone and I get it. Why have I killed Karen because it's the way of the story and yes I'm sorry if you don't like it. I hope you keep reading. I don't want this story to end.

This is sort of a sad chapter, but nothing is veer always happy aye.

Hope you all have a good Christmas. I did thank you. Hope Santa brought you what you asked for.

The year is almost up and what a year it has been. Into better things and bigger trips.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND NAY 2024 BRING YOU JOY AND HAPPINESS.

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I'LL SEE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR.

It wasn't the same after that news. Karen's news Lucas didn't seem the same and I understand why, of course I did. He wasn't all there mentally and that is understandable. He has just woken up from a 2 year coma and now he's Mom has literally months to live.

He lost all that time with her that he can not get back and now he finds out that time is actually a issue.

And Lily. She still cries every day and does not want to leave Karen's side. She understood that her mommy was going away with the angels and that she won't be able to see her. Yeah that would traumatize any kid.

It was just one big mess that I didn't know how to clean up. I know Karen wants Lucas and I too bring up Lily and we will of course, but Lily needs her mom and I can't fill those shoes.

I could see that Lucas was struggling with this news that he has suddenly gotten, but he won't admit it. He acts different, but somehow he tries like he doesn't.

"We can postpone the cabin thing Luke" I say as he was packing. He was sitting in our room on the floor by the wardrobe. Clothes surrounding him with one suit case on the bed.

"We can not do that Brooke" he says "our friends are relying on us"

"But I think they would understand if you told them what was going on"

"I can't do that. I can't let this ruin our plans. We are going"

"And your mom is still okay looking after the twins?"

He nods a tint of sadness in his expression "she basically said she wants to spend as much time as she can before..." he stopped talking and went back to packing.

"Okay well then we can drop the twins off before going to pick everyone up" he just nodded and that was that conversation finished.

I just placed what I wanted on the bed and Lucas packed it into our suitcase in total silence. I left him to it and went to get the twins stuff ready.

I totally understand his reaction to this terrible news and it broke my heart that he and Lily are going through such a terrible thing.

"Mama" Wynter calls out as I walk into their room "Nana"

I nod with smile and bend down to her level "yes princess you are staying with Nana and Lily for the weekend"

Wynter cheered clapping her hands "yaaay"

"Can I take cars?" Wyatt asked holding up his cars.

"Of course you can" I reply "how about you pick your favourite thing and put it into your bags and I get your clothes ready"

They each did just that and I packed everything else and they were ready to go.

Once Lucas was finished we bundled the twins into the car and strapped them in and then filled the boot with everything.

"Lucas" I say turning to him as he shut the boot. He's light has faded and I get why, but the twins will pick up on it and I don't want that.

"Yes" he huffed

"I understand why you are acting so different and I get you're hurting and mad and just over life, but the twins and I need you back. They need their dad Luke"

"Yeah well I need my mom, but looks like we don't get what we want aye" the tone of his voice scared me a little.

I stepped back from him and went to turn around when he reached out and grabbed my arm "I'm sorry I didn't mean to use that tone with you Pretty girl. I'm just... I'm just scared"

"We can get through this together, but you have to let me in Luke. You have to let me help you" I plead "if not for you but for the twins and this little one"

"I'm sorry" he says with a sad tone this time "I know she means a lot to you and the twins too. I'm just..."

"Let's get the twins to your mom's and we can talk about this okay"

"Okay" he leans in and kisses me sweetly on the lips "you really are the best Brooke"

We dropped the twins off with Karen and then picked everyone up on the way to the cabin. The car ride was pretty much silent. The girls and I spoke a little, but again Lucas said nothing to no-one.

We should have cancelled.

Once we got to the cabin Lucas parked up and everyone got out and grabbed their stuff and headed inside.

"Luke wait for a second" I call out. Lucas turned to me and stopped "we can go home if you want. You don't have to do this"

"I think the time here will be good" he replies "I'm trying not to dwell"

"I know" and I did know he was trying.

"Come on pretty girl let's go find our room" he holds out his hand and I take it entwining our fingers as we head inside.

-*

"Are you okay Brooke?" Peyton asks as I wash up the dishes from dinner time "you just seem... Quiet and not yourself?"

I nod "yeah I'm okay Peyt. Just got a lot on my mind that's all"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks. I shake my head "are you sure?"

I shrug my shoulders trying to hold in the sob I really needed to let out. My eyes were filled with tears and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold them in any longer.

These hormones with the grief I knew we were gonna be going through soon were kicking my ass.

"Brooke" she placed her hand in my back and my gates opened. Tears flooded down my cheeks as a sob was let out "oh Brooke what's wrong?"

"It's Karen, she's erm... She's dying Peyt"

Peyton grasped and turned me to her. I dropped the soapy sponge into the sink "what's happened?"

"She told us the other night that 2 years ago when Luke was in a coma she found out she has breast cancer and the chemo she was having didn't work so she isn't trying anything else" I explain wiping at my face "she has thought about everything instead. Like Luke and I will get Lily, the cafe and the house as well as her assets and everything else. Lucas isn't dealing with it well"

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry" Peyton pulls me into a hug

"How am I going to tell the twins who love Karen so much that she is going with the Angels and Lily. She's a wreck as it is. She cries every day now and Lucas... He is just a shadow of himself and I know how hard this must be for him, I mean he lost Keith just before Lily was born and that was hard for him and I was there, but this... How am I mean to help him through this one"

"Any way you can Brooke. You are such a strong women and we all know it"

"I'm just... I'm going through the motions like everyone else. Karen might not be my mom, but she is close to it. She has been the best to me and the twins and I am grateful for her always" I tell her "I just hope Lucas knows and realises that I am losing her too"

"I'm sure he does B" she says hugging me again "now my little niece will get you through this too right bean" she places a hand to my stomach.

"Niece?" I question

"I'm hopeful" she replies making me laugh

I went back to washing up and Peyton helped dry and put the dishes away.

"I'm sorry" I heard a voice behind me. I was getting unready for the day. I had just run a nice hot bath with relaxing bubbles. I was getting undressed to get into it.

I turn and see Lucas standing by the door leaning against it with his shoulder "for what?" I ask folding up my clothes and neatly putting them away.

"For being in my own head" he replies with a sheepish look on his face "for being a bad boyfriend these past couple days. For not realising that you are going through this too" he lent off of the door and stepped towards me "I over heard you talking to Peyton. I didn't mean or what you to feel like that. Sometimes I forget we were friends before we were us"

"I just... I just need for you to communicate with me Luke. I know everything sucks and I know you're hurting and I get it, I really do, but what about me? I'm losing her too and I just... I can't breathe sometimes just thinking about her not being here anymore and my heart aches for you and Lily and the kids and this baby that won't get to meet her maybe and I just need you to please don't shut me out. Please just let me help you through this. Help all of us through this together"

I didn't realise I was crying until Lucas wiped at my tears and pulled me into him "I'm sorry pretty girl I didn't mean to make you feel like this. I'm sorry okay. I'm just really sorry"

I held onto him tight liking the warmth and comfort of him and his body against mine. The security of him holding me was nice.

"I love you so much Brooke and I know Ma does just as much" I shut my eyes and let the tears roll down my cheeks at that.

I was going to miss Karen so much and I didn't realise how much until then.

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Roch xoxo