Stephanie visits places in the Burg and spreads her own version of cheer. I actually like Joe Morelli, I just like Ranger a lot better, so Joe isn't evil. He's not very happy here, but, well, some things can't be helped.

Pressure Cooker – Chapter 3

It was the second time that morning someone had awakened me, and all I knew was that the second time was much less pleasant than the first. It was Syd, kicking my bed.

"Rise and shine, Ms. Plum. Lawyer's office, thirty minutes." Her arms were folded and she was smiling down out me, looking like a giant happy pixie. I rolled back toward the wall and pulled the pillow over my head. Ranger had awakened me before he left, and all I remembered was the light warm touch of his hands on my back, his lips kissing up my spine, his deep soft voice whispering in my ear. I pulled the pillow tighter around my head to block Syd out.

My bed shook again, hard this time. "I already know you are not a morning person, but these orders came from the boss himself. You. Lawyer. Thirty minutes." Something heavy landed on my head. "Bathrobe."

I vaguely remembered Ranger saying something about the lawyer's office. I reached one hand out from under the covers and felt around for the bathrobe. Lawyer's office. That meant shower and business suit and make-up. Not in thirty minutes it didn't. I pulled the bathrobe on, sorted through my closet for something presentable but quick, and headed into the bathroom.

Twenty-five minutes later, I heard the first little polite "thunk" of a boot heel on the door. "Five minutes," she sang out through the closed door. What horrible defect was it that people who got up early had no problem being cheerful in the morning? I usually couldn't manage cheerful until eleven or so. Sometimes much later. Another thunk. "Two minutes." I was dressed and applying minimal makeup. I briefly considered staying in the bathroom to see what she would do at the thirty minute mark and then decided that I really didn't want to know that badly. I opened the door just as she was about to kick it again.

Syd looked at the scowl on my face and snorted. "Don't tell me you are going to be one of those disgusting little women who sigh and mope when the man of the house is leaving."

I narrowed my eyes at her and thought to myself that if she had spent last night doing what I had spent most of the night doing, she'd be sighing this morning, too, instead of making sarcastic comments. "So tell me about you and Lester," I said, without much real hope of an answer.

I got the answer I expected. "No."

.

-0- -0- -0- -0- -0-

.

The lawyer's office was in the very best part of Trenton, where the prices are higher and the air is thinner. Maybe it was just a general anti-Dickster reaction, but the more expensive the office, the more I wanted to scowl. So it was immature.

The receptionist met Syd and I and offered us a selection of herbal teas. She offered to brew us espresso on the screaming red Italian espresso machine in the corner. She offered us biscotti. We politely declined it all and were shown into the senior partner's elegant office. I had met Ranger's lawyer before and his welcoming smile actually looked genuine.

"So good to see you again. Please, sit down." He smiled at Syd as well, but she remained standing by the door.

The lawyer handed me a stack of papers that looked like an unbound version of the old Trenton phone book my mother still kept by the corded phone in the kitchen. "First, a few things for your signature, Mrs... Ms. Plum." Ranger and I had agreed that I would stay plain old "Stephanie Plum," at least for now.

I rolled my eyes and began signing anywhere there was a green tag. The lawyer made a pained noise. "Aren't you going to read it first?" Last time I had done this, it had been divorce papers. Short marriage, no assets, no settlement. I hoped that wasn't an ill omen.

"Did Ranger set this up?"

"Yes, Mr. Manoso was very specific about the terms and codicils."

"Fine, keep 'em coming," I said, writing faster. My previous marriage to a lawyer had taught me that reading the documents would be hopeless. If I was truly concerned, I'd have to take this pile to my own lawyer. Who would scribble on them and then send them back to this lawyer, who would scribble some more and then send them back and then we'd go through the whole cycle again and then Ranger and I would be broke within a week. Besides, what assets did I have? Rex? I didn't really think Ranger was interested in keeping Rex. My wardrobe, either. I didn't own Big Blue, so it wasn't one of my assets, but I had to laugh at the idea of Ranger getting Big Blue in a divorce settlement.

Eventually we made it to the bottom of the stack and I started to stand. He wasn't done with me yet and waved me back into my seat. "A few more things." He began passing over items. A checkbook, a couple of shiny black credit cards, a Rangeman ID card – what was the point of that, to get discounts at Guns R Us? The ID had a pretty good photo of me on it and the words "Core Team" underneath. No idea where the picture had come from, I didn't remember posing for it. "The credit cards are for your personal use. I was told to tell you to please use them. The checkbook is for household items."

I looked up. "What is a household item?" In my household, hamster food was the only standard item. And ice cream.

"I understand that there is a house being remodeled. Household items would include any furnishings, artwork or other items you might wish, as well as day-to-day items for the running of the household, such as staffing." Staffing? We were going to have a staff? I don't think so.

I'd never shopped for new furniture before. That might be interesting. "What's the checkbook balance?"

"There is no balance."

"What is the point of a checkbook without a balance?" Behind me I heard Syd snort.

"The account is backed by a line of credit and assets. There is no running balance."

"So I could go out and put a new Mercedes on the household checkbook." A bottomless checkbook. An interesting concept.

The lawyer smiled. "You could if you wanted to, but Mr. Manoso also instructed me to tell you that all of the cars dealers in the Trenton area have contracts with him. Anytime you wish to replace your current vehicle," he paused to clear his throat and I wondered if it was because he knew my luck with cars or because he knew I was driving Big Blue, "you may order one from any dealer. If the car you wish is not available in Trenton, please contact me and I will order it for you. The vehicle will have to go to Mr. Manoso's mechanic for … certain alterations before it is available."

Hmm, "alterations"? Tracking devices and what else? "Is that all?" The lawyer nodded and I turned to go.

"Ms. Plum, wait." I turned back. "I would be remiss if I didn't say this – don't you even want to know what you just signed?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Tell me, when Ranger had you put these documents together, what was your professional opinion of them?"

He cleared his throat. "As Mr. Manoso's attorney I advised him that the documents were extremely generous toward you."

"And what did Mr. Manoso say about that?"

"Mr. Manoso had no comment." By the pained expression on his face, Mr. Manoso had given him The Look.

I shrugged. "I trust Ranger. But, okay, what did I just sign?"

"You are now joint tenant to all his U.S. holdings and certain off-shore holdings," the lawyer smiled thinly, "his reported holdings, except those which are held in trust for his daughter." He looked at me expectantly and I looked back.

Syd spoke from behind me. "He's trying to tell you that you are rich now, and that there is even more money that is better hidden, but he doesn't want to be vulgar and just say it."

The lawyer looked at her gratefully. "Yes."

I shook my head. "Is that all?" When his nod, I got up and left, Syd following.

As we walked out of the office, Syd gave me a sideways glance. "Not a lot of practice being rich?"

"Will you stop with the rich thing?" I blew out another breath. "I married a bounty hunter who happens to own some real estate.

"Oh, man," Syd laughed. "Is that what he told you?"

"I never asked. He never said."

"So you have no idea what his net worth is?"

"No, and I don't want to know."

"Huh," Syd said, leading me down the stairs and opening the door for me. "He worked hard for that money. Put his life on the line for it. But, well, you're certainly not a gold-digger, I'll give you that."

We walked out to the car and I thought about Syd's comments. Ranger never seemed driven by money to me. Sure, he clearly had it and apparently more than I ever thought he did, but it had never seemed like a driving force for him.

Next stop, Connie and Lula. Oh boy.

-0- -0- -0- -0- -0- -0-

I gave Syd directions to the office. We drove in silence and she parked in the back lot. I got out of the car and found her standing by me, scanning the lot and alley.

"This is where I work – or at least it's sort of where I work. The two people inside, well, they are my friends. But I haven't told them about Ranger and me yet, and…"

Syd grinned. "This could be fun. After you, Mrs. Ma…"

"Shhh," I hissed. I reached for the door, but Syd shook her head, and with a last glance around the street, opened the door and walked in before me. I shifted my bag on my shoulder, shoved my left hand in my pocket, and followed her.

I saw Connie look up at her and blink, and then look past her to see me. "About time!"

"You look different, Steph. Real different." Lula stood back thoughtfully and scanned me, up and down. "Not sure what it is, but it's real different."

Lula and Connie always had some sort of detector about my love life. In the past that had involved isolated instances of sex with Morelli. Apparently the major change in my love life had pegged their instruments and confused the readings.

"This is Syd. She works for Ranger." They both stared at her. Connie had a worried look, Lula looked amused. Like me, they couldn't decide if Syd was a good thing or a bad thing.

Lula looked from me to Syd and back again. "What did you do to Ranger to get a babysitter?"

Syd looked directly at me. "I am not a babysitter. And I don't carry tales."

"I have nothing to hide from Ranger." I said, pointedly. Except, of course, for the fact that I still didn't understand why he married me.

Syd's assets, as I thought, were more than just muscle. The corners of her mouth turned up and she held up a hand in acknowledgment. "I don't carry tales to anyone. That works both ways."

Lula inspected her, a slow, cold once-over. "If you're not a babysitter then what are you?"

"I'm protection, I protect whatever is important to someone."

Connie rolled her eyes. "Again, Steph? Who do you need protection from now?"

"Humph," Lula snorted. "She's gonna need protection from the cop, he finds out who she's been with."

Connie tapped her fingers on her desk. "Okay, so we've established Syd works for Ranger and she protects things, which, right now, would be you. But, " she said, tapping harder, "we know you were out of town. With Ranger. And we want details." She exchanged a glance with Lula, who folded her arms and tried to look intimidating.

Details? An image flashed in my mind from the night before. Ranger had carried me into the bedroom and laid me down on the bed. I rose to my knees, pulling off his clothes as he pulled off mine, both of us in a hurry. Some remnant of caution remained, however, because he kissed me and then padded off, naked, to set the front door locks and floor bolt and check the window locks. He came back into the room, turning off lights in the apartment as he returned. I watched him walk toward me out of the darkness of the hallway. Ranger, naked and aroused, his eyes black in the low light, the planes of his magnificent body and face illuminated in the soft glow of my bedside light. I cleared my throat. No, I wasn't going to share those details.

But I had to give my loyal posse something. "Do you remember when we used to wonder about him?" Lula and Connie nodded as one. "We weren't even close."

Connie started to fan herself. Lula sighed. Then, behind us, the door opened, the little bells chiming softly. I knew who it had to be and felt the blush start even as I turned around.

Syd took in the entire scene and started to snicker. Ranger looked at her and lifted an eyebrow, but she shook her head.

"Ladies," he said, inclining his head toward Lula and Connie. "Steph," he said to me, in an entirely different tone. "Thought I'd find you here." He looked back at Lula and Connie. "Seems quiet, though."

"I haven't been here long."

He nodded. "Been by the lawyer?"

"Yes, I have, and…" Before I could get started, he stopped me by a slight head shake. He was right; this was not the time or place. But I would have something to say later, and the faint smile on his face told me he knew it.

He turned back to Connie and nodded toward Vinnie's office. "He in?" At Connie's head shake, he shrugged. "Tell him I am out of contact a few days."

Connie looked from him to me. "Again?"

The corner of his lips quirked up. "Business this time. Not pleasure." I rolled my eyes but couldn't quite wipe the smile off of my face. He reached out to touch my hand. "Later, Babe."

He turned back to Syd, the corners of his lips pulling up into a larger smile. "I leave my wife in your hands, Syd. Make sure she is still in one piece when I get back." He gave me a grin as he turned to leave.

I glanced over at Connie and Lula, who were frozen in place. As he reached the door, I called out. "Wait." His hand on the doorknob, he turned back to face me, one eyebrow raised. "You're leaving right now?" I knew his flight out was early afternoon and it was getting close.

He nodded and I reached past him and pulled down the shade on the door. He laughed softly, knowing what I wanted, but he made me reach for him. I put my hands on his shoulders and his arm came around my waist and pulled me hard up against him as he bent his head to kiss me. It was a slow, thorough, lingering kiss and it left me breathing hard and his eyes dark and hot.

He took a deep breath and when he looked up past me to Lula and Connie, his face and eyes were cool and remote. "Ladies. I can count on you to help Steph out?" Two heads nodded in awe. They were part of the inner circle. "For Steph's sake, this goes no further. Isn't casually discussed, in or out of the office." Two already magnificent chests puffed in pride. Their lips were sealed.

He loosened the arm around my waist and smiled down at me. "Be good, Babe." He smiled as though he knew how unlikely that was and let go of me, nodded to the rest of the people in the room and left.

I turned around and leaned on the door. He was really leaving. I had done well, I thought, I hadn't argued, begged, cursed or screamed, just nodded my head and accepted. Damn, this was hard.

"So, girl," Lula said. "You been holding back." She grabbed my left hand and examined the heavy platinum band, studded with diamonds and sapphires.

"Well, it was sort of a surprise to me, too."

"Huh," Lula said, turning my hand to make the diamonds flash. "I'd'a expected a big rock."

I rolled my eyes. "There is one. Not really practical to wear to chase down skips. More of a night-out kind of thing."

Connie scrunched her eyes up. "Two weeks ago you two weren't even speaking. Now you are married?"

I flopped down on the sofa and pulled a small copy of my wedding picture out of my purse, handing it first to Connie, and launched into my short prepared speech. "Well, it really started when I met Ranger for dinner at Rossini's…"

-0- -0- -0- -0- -0- -0- -0-

I settled myself into the passenger seat of the SUV and breathed out a long sigh of relief. Thank God that was over. And I still had Mary Lou to deal with tonight. I had plans for that one – Syd could stay downstairs with Lenny and the kids and then ML and I would lock ourselves in the bedroom and she'd get the whole story.

I rummaged around in my purse, looking for ibuprofen. It might have been a short prepared speech but the following question-and-answer period was brutal and intense and I had a headache now. Ranger had given me a trimmed-down version of the Brooks business to tell them and I had to start from the very beginning of that story, all the way through to our wedding.

As Vinnie's office representative, Connie dealt with an interesting cross-section of people and had learned to spot half-truths and evasions. She spotted most of mine. Lula just knew me very well and spotted them that way. Not the ones in Ranger's prepared story, of course, he was too good for that. Plus it might have been that Ranger's story didn't involve him naked and mine did, so his story hadn't gotten the same scrutiny. There were also a few other things I might have told them had Syd not been standing there, taking in every word with them.

I dry-swallowed the ibuprofen and sighed. Syd grinned. "May I see the photo?" I shrugged and then pulled it out of my bag and handed it to her. She studied it for a moment, and then nodded slowly. She gave me the photo back. "It's a good photo of him. Both of you, actually. I haven't seen him look like that in a long time."

"Like what?" She lifted up a palm and made a vague gesture. I guessed, correctly, that meant no answer. "How long have you known him?"

"Army. I was 18 and he was 20." I tried to picture a twenty-year-old Ranger and failed. He must have been young and vulnerable once, but the image just wouldn't form.

"He went off to OCS, Ranger School and then Spec Ops. I eventually went into the MPs." Her voice was level. Emotionless. Never good.

"Women can't serve in the Rangers, can they?"

She shook her head, once. "Nope. So instead I chased AWOL soldiers and rousted drunks out of bars. I kept in touch with him, though, and after I did my 4 years, he gave me some very good references in Miami." She started the car. "And now here I am. Where are we going?"

There was one other person I needed to give the news to personally and I was not looking forward to it. "Lunch," I said, and took out my cell phone.

We ended up in a coffee shop near the TPD I had met Joe in before. Business had picked up a little since my last trip, but there was no problem finding a seat. Having Syd as a shadow was already wearing on my good will, and Ranger had just left town. I watched the parking lot and Syd watched me. Joe's truck pulled in about ten minutes after we sat down.

"I need to talk to this guy. Could you wait over there?"

Syd smirked. "Cheating already? I wouldn't advise it. Unless you want your boyfriend to disappear."

"He's a cop and you're carrying."

"Like I couldn't spot a cop." But she moved two tables away, turned to face me. It was more than I had hoped for.

Joe came in and walked over to my table with a glance at Syd. "That your muscle, Cupcake?"

I didn't smart off as there was really no point. "Yes. You want to sit down?"

Joe pulled out the chair and deliberately turned his back on Syd. I think it was the professional equivalent of a pissing contest and it irritated me.

"Ranger hiring a subcontractor. Not like him."

"Wipe the smirk off your face. This is serious." Now that he was here I wasn't sure how to start and we sat in silence. He was the one to break it.

"So you and Manoso are a thing now. Heard you were out of town together, everyone at the station wanted to tell me about it." He paused and smirked. "Nice tan. I bet it's an all-over tan."

I blew out a frustrated breath. "Everyone at the station?" I repeated.

He nodded. "Garibaldi was picking up an extradited perp at the airport. Saw you and Manoso get on a private flight. Alone. Must be nice to have a boyfriend with big money. Though you have to kind of wonder how he earns it and who he owes favors to."

The last part of that sentence sounded a lot like a warning. I had some hints before that Joe knew more about Ranger than I did, or at least he thought he did; I knew they'd worked together before and I'd had some sneaking suspicions about the whole Abruzzi thing. I put my elbows on the table and buried my head in my hands. My life had been complicated before; I hadn't expected it to get simpler by marrying Ranger, but still…

"That's not what I want to tell…talk to you about."

Joe studied me with cop eyes. He always was quick, and, with a glance at the band on my left hand, sucked in his breath. "No. Tell me you didn't marry him, Steph. Christ. Have you lost your mind? Married. You don't marry men like Manoso."

My eyes narrowed. "What do you do with men like him, Joe?"

He rocked back in his chair. "You have a good time while it lasts, take advantage of his generosity and try to stay his friend when he walks away and it's over, because you certainly don't want to be his enemy. But you don't hook up permanently with thugs like him."

I shot out of my seat, getting in his face, poking a nail into his chest. "Don't call him a thug again, to me or anyone else." I was aware of Syd standing beside me now. Her gun had not appeared, but I was willing to bet the safety was off, cop or not. I sent her back across the room with a glare.

"Whatever you say, Cupcake." Joe looked at Syd, amused. "She's good, but I don't think she can handle you."

I slumped back in my chair and took a breath. "I didn't want this conversation to be like this, Joe. Can we start over?"

He gave the barest of nods. "Well," he said speculatively, looking back toward Syd, "that explains the muscle. Protecting what's his. Too busy to do it himself, I see. Is there some specific threat to you or is she actually protecting Trenton from you?"

I opened my mouth to tell him that Ranger and Tank were out of town and then shut it. Where Ranger was and what he was doing wasn't anyone's business. "No threat, just…caution. And it's temporary." I sighed. "Please, Joe, wish me well."

"Why did you do it, Steph? I understand that we don't have a future but I hate to see you make another marriage that will make you miserable."

"Why are you so sure that I will be miserable?"

"All of the reasons that we would have made each other miserable and more, Steph. You thought my job as a cop involved too many hours and was too unpredictable. With him, you'll never know where he is or what he's doing. He gets a call in the middle of the night and he's gone. Christ, you won't even know what country he's in. And if you're smart you won't ask. He stands out in the Burg like a shark in a guppy tank. You know it. Why? "

I shredded the napkin into tiny pieces as I considered the answer to give him. "It's true; my mother doesn't know what to think about him, he makes my dad nervous, my sister is scared of him, Grandma Mazur just wants to see him naked. And he treats all of them with the same respect he shows me. You don't have to be anything other than who you really are for him. He loves me and just takes in all the rest of my baggage. He watches me when I do something clever and then when I make a stupid mistake and his support never changes. Never wavers. It isn't conditional, it's absolute. He'll always have my back, no matter what." I was angry enough with Joe that my voice shook slightly.

There was a long pause and then Joe ran one hand over his eyes. "You just jumped into this, like it was nothing. We talked about marriage for more than a year, and with him, you get married in a couple of days. Did you even think about it first?"

Part of what he said was true; I had jumped into marriage with Ranger like I jumped into a lot of things, some of which ended badly. "I did think about it, but mostly I went on how I felt. And it felt very right. I trust Ranger. He isn't a thug. He may do things for reasons I don't understand, but there always is a reason." I wanted Joe to understand and I leaned forward. "I married a man that I love and trust and I wish you would be happy for me, Joe."

Something changed in his eyes. "I'll be happy for you if you are, Cupcake. I just don't think it's going to happen." He stood up and looked at Syd. "Tell your boss I took my wedding kiss." He kissed me easily on the lips and gave Syd a little mock salute. "And next time I see you, you better have a permit for that piece."

He went off without a backward glance and Syd just watched him go, amused. "No offense, but women who incite emotions like that in two fabulous guys are usually super models or something."

I hiked up my purse. "Or something, it's definitely the or something."

A/N – when this was written (or, well, outlined, because it wasn't in complete chapter form way back when), women weren't eligible for Ranger training. That has changed since then, and, according to Wiki, there are at least 100 women who have passed Ranger training.