Disclaimer: no legal rights to NCIS, no money being made.
NOT BETA'D, EACH AND EVERY MISTAKE IS MINE, SORRY!
Warnings: same as Chapter One, also not for Ziva fans, nor Tiva fans. Therefore, read at your own risk you have been warned.
Warning: this chapter is a bit creepy but it's what came to me, so I wrote it.
DETERMINED TO HOLD
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX water is the aim
Tony DiNozzo took several deep breaths and felt the thrill of oxygenated air flowing through his receptive lungs again. He looked in the bathroom mirror at his rugged, handsome face. Yes, rugged good looks and handsomeness as compared to rough and uncouth lethal unfeeling bastard that he had been playing at.
He dried his face and hair with a towel and hung it up on the towel rack to dry. Mundane ordinary hang the towel up to dry things. But also, Mariachi, son jalisciense, magic on el Guitarrón, speaking Espanol twenty four seven, Mexican music of love, fast and feast serious, dancing feet and hips sway, mundane memory things he missed in a vague, ill-defined way.
Tony shook his head to dissuade the memories, hard to do after playing the part so long and so well and the things he had witnessed up close and some he had participated in, up close. The banging on the bedroom door helped finish the process of turning those thoughts aside, they'd be back but not right now.
"Tony, breakfast is here and the food is hot. What am I, your manservant? This is your last wake up call, don't blame me if your…"
Tony swung the door open to a startled McGee. "Hey, McGee. What's got you all riled up this fine morning?"
"What? Really, DiNozzo? Why you..you've been an evil psychotic grizzly bear for the last two days, now…"
"Hey, come on, let's get to the table before country boy Beauty eats all the food like last time."
"It's Beatty, and you know it. And he didn't eat all the food," grumbled McGee.
"Whatever, I smell bacon and eggs, pancakes and home fries." Tony rambled on.
And McGee just gave up trying to figure the guy out and followed him to the dining area for breakfast. Beatty sat at the table pouring a glass of milk that he placed along side his stack of pancakes. He glanced at the two late comers and his eyes lingered on Tony for a moment before he greeted the man with enthusiasm, "Tony DiNozzo. Good morning and welcome back. There's everything here we all like, it's hot and there's plenty of it. So sit down and dig in," he cajoled to the man who hadn't eaten much for too long. DiNozzo paused on his way to a chair uncomfortable at the younger man's brief scrutiny.
"Good morning, restaurant attendant host Beatty. You're in a chippier mood this morning than McSourpuss here, a welcome sight I assure you." He poured himself a cup of coffee from the coffee urn before sitting down. "And what do you mean by welcome back? From where? I've been here with you."
"No you haven't," said Beatty, stuffing a forkful of buttered and syrup dripping pancakes into his mouth.
"I haven't?" DiNozzo looked over at McGee, puzzled.
"Don't look at me,"said McGee, curious too.
Beatty looked between the two of them while chewing his food and swallowed before saying cryptically, "No, you haven't been here, but you're here now so it doesn't matter. Let's eat, it's delicious," and he stuffed more food in his mouth.
NCIS NCIS NCIS
This time Vance was the only one scrutinizing them on the screen. " I'm not sure about this but you're probably right, DiNozzo and the SecNav is convinced. So, Fornell's got the extra men lined up, they'll be hanging around as body guards. We'll make the arrangements, a car will pick you up in an hour."
"Thank you, Director. We need to get back to work. McGee is getting antsy that his computer is lolling about doing nothing."
Tim rolled his eyes but didn't deign to respond to the silliness. DiNozzo was right though. They hadn't found Gibbs, and Ziva, not a clue where she was. The Israeli Embassy hadn't seen her and she hadn't made it back to Israel was their latest intel.
"Director, may I ask? What is this place? I've never seen anything like it before?" Beatty asked.
"Beatty, it's a secret bunker for when aliens invade Earth for the president and his family and all the billionaires and politicians to hide in eating caviar and drinking champagne while the rest of us hunker down under our flimsy beds cowering in fear."
"Really?"
Vances' raised eyebrow was all Tony got in response to his cavalier answer.
"That's partly true, Beatty. It is a bunker safe house, if you will, for the president and his cabinet to come to in case of war where they can continue to lead the country. Now I'll see you in a few hours." And the screen went dead.
McGee opened his mouth to speak but Tony got the first word in. "Don't say it McGee. You know I don't mean some of what I blather to the higher ups when I get the chance but they're falling down on the job. Where's Gibbs? What's Ziva up to? Questions that should have been answered long before now, one way or the other."
Tim shook his head, "And I'm not saying anything, one way or the other, except lets get ready to get out of here."
NCIS NCIS NCIS
Tony's thoughts: It felt good to be back in the enclosed orange walls. We were greeted robustly by the crew as we walked off the elevator but not for long as one of our own, possibly two of our own were still missing. Ziva David had never been one of us but she was given the benefit of the doubt until it was proven otherwise.
McGee powered up his computer and got to work. I headed up to Vances' office leaving Beatty to go through the reports by Balboa's team to see if he could glean anything with a fresh eyed view.
Director Vance offered me coffee or something stronger, which I wasn't in the mood for.
"Just water, please, cold if you have it." And he handed me some cold bottled water from the fridge. Ever since the desert experience, I couldn't seem to get my thirst quenched. Plus, I had needed to drink more water, plenty more water for other reasons.
"You wanted to see me and I had a feeling you weren't giving us the whole story, so what's going on?"
While coming up the stairs just now, I had looked down at McGee and Beatty busy trying to find something, anything, to help find the rest of our team. It dawned on me that there was no reason why they shouldn't be here.
"Director, I've changed my mind. I think McGee and Beatty should be here to hear this."
Vance frowned at me before picking up the phone and asking his secretary to have both men report to his office. "I admit I'm intrigued, DiNozzo, you've got my attention and I'm not going to assume this is a practical joke but…"
"No, no more jokes, Director. I think I've outgrown jokes, pranks, tricks, stunts, capers…"
The door opened and the two agents entered curiosity and some anxiety written all over their faces.
"Bad news, sir? asked McGee.
"I don't know. DiNozzo?
"Is the room secure?"
Vance fiddled with something under his desk and I had the feeling he was just humoring me. "It is now."
I felt a little foolish and I was going to get a whole lot more embarrassed but hey you get to face your fears regularly doing this job. "I was wondering, do you know how long it takes for the digestive process to complete. Because I've been trying to eat but as you may know I lose my appetite after an asthma episode, not that they happen that often, but when they do, well, it's hit and miss for a few days, so… anyone?"
There was an uneasy silence in the room and no one answered my question and in fact, they were eyeing me in troubled concern. The silence went on long enough to become uncomfortable and finally Beatty spoke up.
"Well, umm, I'm not familiar with the human digestive process but being a country boy, I can give you the minute details of a cow's digestive journey from mouth to its stomachs on its way to the intestines and…"
"That won't be necessary, Beatty," said Vance holding up his hand. "DiNozzo can you be a little more…"
"Tony, what in the hell are you talking about?" That was McGee rudely interrupting Vance and sounding fed up like he was ready to slug me after I dragged him up here away from his computer to hear this insane gibberish.
"I'm talking about Suarez is dead and he stayed behind on purpose and saved my life. I trust you three implicitly now but I wasn't sure and being here with Ziva and being in that camp destroyed my ability to judge who I could trust. I had to be sure. It was imperative that I knew for sure but then those men came after me and that was when I made the decision that I made and that was three days ago.
"What decision was that, DiNozzo?" Vance asked reasonably.
They still didn't get it, I could see by their faces. The riddle that was really a joke came to mind, "Fifty cows were in a field and twenty eight chickens. Do you get the joke?"
They shared more puzzled glances. "I thought you said no more jokes, DiNozzo."
Vance was honestly trying to understand where I was going with this but I wanted someone to say the words I needed to hear right here and now except Suarez was not an NCIS agent he was an FBI agent. And suddenly I realized my mistake. "Get Fornell on the screen right away, Director, please. It's vital I speak to him now."
Vance didn't even hesitate. It was obvious to him, and probably the others, that there was something wrong with me so he started dialing. Either I had broken under the stress and strain or I had some life-and-death important info that I needed to share and he wasn't going to be the one to stop me.
Fornell came on the screen looking wearier than hell. His second-in-command Sacks was not looking much the dapper man either. "What's going on?"
"There were fifty cows in a field and twenty eight chickens."
Sacks sucked in his breath. "Oh hell, no way!"
Fornell didn't even try to solve the puzzle that wasn't a puzzle. He stood up straighter from his slump. His face had paled under the new growth of beard.
"Suarez? Those are Suarez' code words."
And I was extremely grateful that I had found someone to share this with and pass it on to.
"Yeah, Suarez. He said he doesn't play at what he is, he is what he plays at. Did you know that Fornell? That's why he doesn't have a family, he didn't want to confuse the children."
Fornell and Sacks glanced at each other and by their mutually confused expressions I knew that went right over their heads and right over the heads of everyone in the room with me and I realized I had to stick with the program if I wanted to remain free as a sane person.
"Never mind. Anyway, so Suarez gave me a capsule just before I got out of that camp. He told me to swallow it if I couldn't make it back and that it was impervious to bodily fluids. I carried it in a pocket I made in my shoe lining until we got to the lake, which was when I decided to swallow it rather than have it slip out into the water." Wow, how easy that had been. Something as important as this and all my angst notwithstanding, it had flowed out like a quickly running stream over rock. Pure, crystal clear and simple.
"All of that was well and good but then I got the asthma attack, which makes me lose my appetite and Dr Lisbon told me I was also suffering from heat exhaustion and dehydration from being in the desert all day with no water and that it's not something you recover from right away sometimes it can take up to three or four days until your body is back to normal and the brain fog even longer."
I was sharing something with them pretending this was a normal conversation and I could have gone on talking for a good long time but suddenly, I could actually see a light bulb go off over Beatty's head.
"You can't take a sh…defecate!" said the apparent psychic phenomenon. And I knew a fleeting smile graced my face because of course Beatty would know.
"Well, I couldn't, but this morning I did. I've got the capsule in a plastic bag in my pocket. That's why I wanted to get back here today."
NCIS NCIS NCIS
It seemed awfully quiet in the room I was standing in and Fornell's office on the screen, not a peep from there either, unless you counted the tone of the various and sundry expressions on my comrades faces.
Then, they came to their investigator senses. "Well, hot damn!" exclaimed Fornell finally finding his voice as he plopped down in his desk chair.
"DiNozzo, you never fail to astound me, sometimes in really inappropriate ways but I must say this is mammoth. If that's what I think it is the whole world it seems is looking for what you've got." Vance remarked.
Even Tim looked excited in spite of where my evidence had been and that he'd been crawling though a pile of under a house not so long ago.
All-in-all you could say the men in the room vibrated with renewed excitement. Me, not so much and I didn't know why.
"Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves." Said Fornell. "Let's find out what this is first. Sacks and I, and no one else, will be coming to NCIS. So don't let anyone else in the front door. It'll be safer than you coming here. We'll need to use your lab and Ms Sciuto to examine what's in the capsule. Then we'll proceed from there. Do not leave that building, DiNozzo. Be there in half an hour."
Vance was on the phone briefing the SecNav while the three of us sat huddled around the table. "Sorry you couldn't trust us, me, to tell us what was going on," said a quiet McGee.
"I told you, my brain was a fogged up mess and it was embarrassing as hell but I just had to wait it out. Not only that but Suarez was desperate to get his find out, and I don't blame him, and he passed that desperation on to me. I couldn't trust anyone. I didn't want to feel like that but I couldn't help myself. And what if I had spilled my guts to you? Then I'd have to worry about you being caught and tortured probably to death because you'd try to hold out against almost impossible odds. Imagine having that on my conscience for life. No, it was best I kept my mouth shut until I had what Suarez lost his life for in hand. Can you understand that, McGee?"
"Oh, I understand. You've learned your lesson, you'd rather go it alone. Nothing wrong with that. And that's Ziva's MO, too. She's gone missing to do her own thing."
I waited for more but McGee seemed to be done. Why did I get the impression he was not wholeheartedly agreeing with me but was actually not expressing his disapproval out loud, which irritated me to no end. Who was he to chastise me even in his mind? He'd never gone undercover, witnessed the evil committed that I had been part of, taken part in, and then try to come back and be the 'normal' me.
I felt myself getting heated up again ready to become that psychotic grizzly bear McGee had accused me of earlier. My ears were steaming ready to burst. God, why was I so angry? We were just sitting in Vances' office at his fancy boat-shaped cherry wood conference table waiting for Fornell and Sacks. I hadn't moved, I wasn't looking at McGee or Beatty. I was sitting there casually in quiet conversation but I'd managed to hide my anger from prying eyes like I did in that camp and pretend to be a staunch supporter to the atrocities being carried out there. And even though McGee and Beatty weren't enemy's undercover, still, their eyes could pry and find my anger and there was no reason…
"I think I understand why you are so angry right now?"
"What?" Beatty the Sage butted into my out of control thoughts.
"It might help if you pretend it's better to be among friends than not. Pretend it's better to trust them then not. Then, you'll start to believe it and you won't have to pretend anymore. Just like you did in that camp. Pretend you never really were betrayed by people who you thought believed as you do and that Ziva was an aberration. Pretend that…" and he went on and on.
I'm not sure what was going on, nothing was making any sense. His words weren't making any sense but his voice was certainly mesmerizing so that my thoughts stopped spiraling out of control. I felt myself take a deep liberating breath and just as quickly as the bizarre roaring in my head had begun, it stopped and I could think reasonably again.
I took a deep breath and blinked to clear the haziness from my eyes then looked over at Beatty, then McGee and finally Vance who was sitting quietly in his chair behind his desk. When had that happened? Had I said or done something, been violent? No, I hadn't moved.
McGee who looked a little pale but steady enough said calmly, "You were out of it for a little while, Tony. Just staring blankly at the wall. We tried calling you but Beatty suggested we just let you return on your own. Welcome back."
"What!" I was speechless! I'd been out of it, staring at a wall? This could not be happening! I was loosing my mind!
"You had a flashback, Agent DiNozzo," said Vance formerly. "It's called PTSD. I'm not a doctor but I've seen it before. You've just gotten back from being undercover in a war zone and have had no time to wind down before you were embroiled in further upheaval and running for your life and your partners lives."
He emphasized strongly, "It is not uncommon and it is treatable. I suffered from PTSD after returning from the MidEast and what happened there and I was still able to get this job and others. Everybody's symptoms are different and I'm not saying it was always easy to deal but with hard work and determination, it can be done." Vance should know from his knowledge of military veteran history. He spoke credibly in a, nothing going on here, nothing to see, tone of voice that helped ease me back to reality.
I wiped the sweat from my brow with my hand and mocked myself. I was being treated with kid gloves, being spoken to softly. I don't know if I cared for it or not but it sure beat the alternative. A session locked up somewhere in the loony tune room.
"Sorry about that. I never thought the way I was feeling could be that but you're probably right." I admitted self consciously. I finally was able to raise my eyes to the others and didn't see censorship or disrespect, or pity. McGee just gave me a thumbs up emoji as though his partner and senior field agent hadn't just had a spaced out moment or two and Beatty the wizardly elf just grinned a happy grin. I needed to relax, they weren't my enemies.
"Fornell and Sacks are here," said Vance. "They're being escorted down to the lab. You up to this, DiNozzo?"
"I'm good, Director."
"Oh, and Tony? My secretary will be making an appointment for you to see a psychologist as soon as possible. You'd better go and you'd better cooperate," he warned. "You'll need an okay from them to return to work, which is standard procedure for anyone returning from an undercover assignment. Understood?"
"Yes, sir."
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