Return

Lillian

I was sure I was about to die. The moment Haytham had said that he would take the Apple by force I had been sure that he had meant he would kill Ratonhnhaké:ton if necessary. Kill me because it was out of the question that I would remain by his side. I didn't want to run and hide, knowing that they would harm the man I loved and who was the only one I had left. I would rather die with him than stay behind without him. His arm around me was all the comfort I needed. Maybe it was easier to die in the arms of your love than to die alone. No. It was easier. I had experienced this already, even though Ratonhnhaké:ton hadn't been in danger back then. Now he was and as I looked up at him and our eyes met, while the rebels pulled out their weapons, I could tell that he felt the same. That he was glad to have me by his side. His face was the last thing I saw before everything disappeared in searing light. I felt like I was floating, before being torn forward. Like a leaf carried by the wind. Before I even realized what was happening, I suddenly had solid ground beneath my feet and a chair beneath my backside. I blinked several times before I could see enough and froze as I recognized the room I was in.

It was George Washington's office on Mount Vernon. The man himself sat in front of me at his desk, looking at me in confusion as I gasped and stared at Ratonhnhaké:ton beside me. The Apple in his hands. My hand was resting on the cold metal, too and I tore it away as if it had burnt me.

"What the…?", I uttered as I slowly started to look around. Everything looked the same as it had done when I had touched the Apple and found myself in this strange reality. So much time had passed, and so many things had happened that I was now overwhelmed by the fact that I was back here. In my old clothes, with my shorter hair, the wedding ring on my finger, and Ratonhnhaké:ton by my side who was wearing his blue uniform. As if nothing had happened. I hardly dared to realize that we were back. The thought that all of this had been a trick by the Apple, scared me.

"What's wrong?". Washington asked, obviously not able to find an explanation for my confusion. It was strange to sit in front of him after meeting a twisted, mad version of him. But for now, my attention lay on Ratonhnhaké:ton whose eyes were locked on the Apple in his hands. He was breathing heavily and I saw sweat forming on his forehead. I forgot my fear and concern about my own state of mind as I leaned to him and put a hand on his cheek.

"Ratonhnhaké:ton?"

He winced, blinked, and raised his eyes to look into my face. His breath caught.

"Lillian?" Now his eyes roamed over our surroundings, to Washington and I saw the same confusion and uncertainty on his face that I had felt. Washington didn't seem to understand this situation either. He had begun to knead his hands while looking back and forth between us.

"I must say, you're making me nervous", he said. "Is this the object you are looking for? Is it as dangerous as you say it is?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton took some time to avert his eyes from me before looking down at the Piece of Eden in his hands. He took a deep breath before he put on the well-known, unmeaning mask he always used to hide his true feelings. His voice was firm as he leaned forward, put the Apple back into the wooden chest, and said: "It is. I have to take it with me. In the wrong hands, it is too dangerous."

Washington got pale and nodded. "Of course. I hope that you can render it harmless."

Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't answer. He stood up, closed the lid of the chest, and had already put it under his arms as I realized that he wanted to leave. I leaped up from my chair and almost knocked it over while my legs gave in a bit. They felt weak and shaky and as I made my first step, it was slow and careful until I remembered that it wasn't necessary. My leg wasn't hurt anymore or…had never been. This was all so confusing.

Washington rose, came around the table, and led us back into the splendorous entry hall. His slave Frederic was already waiting by the door.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Kenway", Washington said as he put his hand on his chest and bowed his head. My reply to this gesture and mumbled "Yes, you, too" were quite agitated in comparison. I couldn't forget the scary image of a mad tyrant who had tried to use me to kill my own husband. I just wanted to get away from him as soon as possible.

I barely heard Washington saying goodbye to Ratonhnhaké:ton, telling him that he was always welcome in this house. I was sure that neither I nor Ratonhnhaké:ton was very keen to visit Mount Vernon again. But my husband didn't say anything. He simply bid farewell and we followed Frederic down the stairs to the front door. When we reached it, Ratonhnhaké:ton turned back to Washington.

"If you should ever find an object like this, do not bring it into your possession. Should you happen to get one anyway, contact me. They are dangerous and should not be possessed by anyone."

Washington, who seemed to pale again, simply nodded.

I felt like I was in a trance as we followed Frederic to the front gate of the property. My thoughts were rushing through my mind and I kept raising my eyes from the paved path beneath my feet to Ratonhnhaké:ton who walked beside me with an expressionless face. The chest with the Apple firmly tugged under his arm.

Is it really over?, I asked myself. Can he simply get rid of the Apple and everything is going to be fine?

I feared the Piece of Eden. I could hardly understand what had happened and I didn't know if I would ever find an explanation for everything.

As we reached the gate and Frederic wanted to go on, Ratonhnhaké:ton stopped him. "We will find the way on our own", he said and Frederic gave him a confused look. He had been told to accompany us back to the ship and it was obvious that he could hardly ignore this order. But he nodded, bowed to us, bid farewell, and went back to the house. Ratonhnhaké:ton followed him with his eyes until he put the chest down and stepped to me, to wrap his arms around me so tightly that he pressed the air out of my lungs. I was so surprised that it must feel like he was hugging a broomstick. But I relaxed quickly and embraced him, too. It had never felt as good as at this moment. The way he held me, I had to stand on my toes but I didn't care. I could bury my face in the crook of his neck and lean my head against his shoulder, while he didn't move. No words were needed. I felt that he was struggling with what we had experienced as much as I did. That he was just as overwhelmed and it was weirdly comforting. I wasn't alone and could support him as much as he supported me.

We stayed for several minutes until Ratonhnhaké:ton slowly let go of me so that he could put his hands on my cheeks and look into my eyes.

"Are you well?"

I didn't know how to answer this question. I was fine physically, but not internally. I shook my head. "I'm not. I am confused and still scared. What happened? Why did we go through all of this just to return here?"

"It was a vision, created by the Apple. While weeks have passed for us, it has been seconds and everything happened in our minds", Ratonhnhaké:ton explained quietly and I was surprised by the bitterness in his voice. "It wanted to show what could happen if it got into the wrong hands. I was supposed to understand why it is so important to hide it away."

I frowned. "You were supposed to understand? What do you mean? And hide it where?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton's hands slid off my cheeks and he lowered his eyes. No, he avoided mine. I was seized by an unsettling feeling.

"I will explain as soon as we have the time. I…have to gather my thoughts first."

Oh, did he now? I pinched my lips as I felt anger rising in my chest. We had just woken up from a scary vision, made by a supernatural object that seemed to be able to twist people's minds and he told me that he had to gather his thoughts first? He knew something. I could feel it. There was something I had missed and he didn't tell me. This was one of the moments when I hated Ratonhnhaké:ton's habit of keeping everything to himself. But at the same time, I was trying to calm myself. He was just as confused as I was and this was not the right time to start a fight or to be mad about his personal quirks.

Counting to ten, I nodded. "Fine."

Ratonhnhaké:ton seemed relieved and he caressed my cheek. "We should head back to the Aquila. We have to get home after all."

A faint smile curled his lips and despite my initial anger, I returned it. Home had become a word for a longing, far out of reach. But now we were close and even closer to the people I called home.

"Let's go home, then", I said and Ratonhnhaké:ton picked up the chest, tugged it under one arm, and put the other around my waist. We headed back to the dock. This time I had no eye for the land Washington called his own. I just didn't care. My thoughts were already with the Aquila. With Caleb, with Faulkner who we had met and lost in the vision, and most of all: they were with Emily.

As soon as we could hear the sound of water and seagulls, we quicked our steps. Eventually, the masts of the Aquila appeared behind the buildings close to the river and my heart skipped a beat. I beamed as soon as we approached the plank to the Aquila and I could see Caleb on deck. I pulled my arm away from Ratonhnhaké:ton and hurried up the plank and Caleb was hardly able to grin at me before he found himself in a tight embrace.

"Are you well?", he mumbled and I laughed as I realized that he must find me weird. But to me, it felt like I hadn't seen him in ages. The same went for Faulkner who stepped beside us and smirked.

"You're back early. I thought you would…Jesus!"

He was the next to be hugged tightly. I remembered how Ratonhnhaké:ton had told me that the Faulkner in our vision had sunk with the Aquila. Knowing that he was alive and well had comforted us. And here he was. Safe and sound and just as surprised by my behavior as Caleb.

"I'm so happy to see you", I whispered and pulled away to beam at him. Faulkner raised his brows smirking.

"Well, that's good to hear. An old lad like me is not used to that." He laughed and looked at Ratonhnhaké:ton who had joined us. "I just hope, the Captain doesn't mind." He nodded at the chest under Ratonhnhaké:ton's arm. "What do we have here? Is it what I think it is?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded. "It is. But we will talk about it later."

"What about Emily? Is she well?", I asked hastily before the conversation could turn into a direction I wasn't interested in at the moment. It earned me another amused look from Faulkner.

"Of course. The little mite's still sleeping. You weren't gone for that long after all."

"Believe me. It felt like ages to me." I smiled and pressed a gushy kiss onto his cheek that made him mumble in embarrassment. "Enough with all the attention."

I turned away and hurried to the cabin's door. Behind me, I heard Ratonhnhaké:ton giving the order that the men should ready the ship for our journey home before I closed the door.

The cabin was silent apart from the voices and steps coming from outside, so I placed my steps as carefully as possible so that they hardly made a sound on the wooden floor. I went to the heavy curtain that separated the sleeping area from the rest of the cabin and pushed it aside.

And there was my little angel.

Lying on her back she had kicked the woven blanket off, which had already belonged to her father before our marriage so that it had wrapped around her tiny legs. Her hands were resting beside her head, the right curled into a small fist close to her mouth. The sight of her made my heart beat faster and overflow with joy and love. Normally I would let her sleep but right now, I couldn't help myself. I kneeled beside the bed, softly caressed her head, and spoke to her quietly until she sleepily opened her eyes and blinked at me.

"Hello, little angel", I whispered and had to chuckle about myself as my voice cracked. I had already started crying again. But this time, I was crying tears of joy and happiness. Emily didn't quite seem to share my joy. She mumbled quietly and began to kick her legs which were wrapped so tightly into the blanket that it angered her even more. I carefully freed her from her confines and lifted her to my shoulder, where she luckily calmed down and wasn't so mad at me for waking her up.

I held her close, burying my nose into her soft, black hair, and enjoyed her closeness, her scent, and couldn't believe that I was holding her in my arms. I felt a lump forming in my throat and sobbed as I remembered how I had felt without her. All this time, no matter if real or not, I had only felt this terrible emptiness whenever I had thought of Emily. She was a part of me. Not only my flesh and blood, but she was also a part of my being, my heart and I wasn't complete without her. The moment we had held the apple without it bringing us back, I had torn my heart into pieces. I had believed I would never see Emily again. That we had to start a life without her and this was unthinkable. She was my life, just as she was Ratonhnhaké:ton's.

"I love you, my angel", I whispered, kissing her temple. "I love you so much."

I could hear the door open behind me and one look over my shoulder told me, that it was Ratonhnhaké:ton who entered. A soft smile formed on his lips as he looked at us and I was sure his steps were wider than usual as he walked to the desk, put down the chest, and came to us. I carefully stood up and handed Emily over to him, who accepted it with a quiet mumbling. I was sorry that we were interrupting her afternoon nap, but only if she knew how much she had been missed.

Ratonhnhaké:ton did the same thing I had done as I had held her in my arms, only with fewer tears and sobbing. He hugged her gently, holding her head in his big hand and lowering his lips to her hair. He closed his eyes and his shoulders rose as he took a deep breath. The smile he had on his lips reminded me of the day he had held his daughter for the first time. This little bundle that had not even been an hour old and that had been our whole joy from this moment on. Right now, it just felt the same. As if our daughter had been gifted to us again and once again I was surprised by the amount of love I could feel for these two. I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around Ratonhnhaké:ton, hugging Emily in the process, and was pulled against him by his free arm. I received a gentle kiss on the head as I leaned it against his chest and I smiled when I saw that Emily had fallen asleep again. Maybe the ambition for cuddles from her parents wasn't so inconvenient after all and she was enjoying this closeness as much as we did.

For the rest of the day, I couldn't leave my daughter's side. While Ratonhnhaké:ton had to return on deck eventually, to bring the Aquila out onto the sea, I stayed with Emily, lay down beside her, and enjoyed how she cuddled up to me in her sleep. I fell asleep, too, exhausted by the events that had only been in my head. It was hard to believe although nothing had changed while we had been gone.

When Emily woke up, I held her hand as we walked on deck even though I eventually had to pick her up because her legs couldn't hold her upright with the movement of the sea. As we had done during our trip to Mount Vernon, we explored the ship and I watched in amusement as the crew joked around with her and enjoyed her childish, squeaky laugh. Or we stood by the railing, looking out to the water where she kept discovering miracles in the waves.

So the day passed by and even though the hours with Emily, Caleb, and the others felt familiar, they still seemed like a dream. My thoughts kept returning to the horrors of the vision and every time I closed my eyes and opened them, I feared I would be back to the tiny tent in the rebel camp or even the room in the inn, where everything had started.

I felt like that as I woke up in the middle of the night and was confused to be lying in a comfortable bed, feeling the soft rocking of the Aquila I needed a moment to realize that the small body who was lying beside me, suckling on the fabric of my shift in her sleep, was my little girl. My hand slipped into her dark hair that already started to curl and stroke her head. We were alone in the dark cabin. Ratonhnhaké:ton, who had cuddled up to us in the too-small bed, had left after we had fallen asleep. Certainly, he had been needed on deck and I was tempted to close my eyes again and sleep. But now that my mind had calmed down and felt clearer, I remembered what he had told me on our way to the ship. It troubled me. After everything that had happened, I needed answers. I wanted to understand. Since this thought didn't let me sleep anyway, I carefully stood up and put the blanket back over Emily. Slowly I left the sleeping area, put on my skirt, slipped into my boots, and throw on my coat before leaving the cabin and stepping on deck.

Only men on their night shift were here. Taking care of the ropes, looking out for obstacles and danger, and doing all of that in a silence you wouldn't expect by their daily shouting and singing. One look at the steering wheel showed me that Ratonhnhaké:ton stood there on his own. I only recognized his silhouette which seemed even more impressive as a gush of wind made his coat flutter. But I hadn't come out here to grow roots and enjoy the view. Wrapping my coat tighter around my body, I climbed up the stairs and had a better look at Ratonhnhaké:ton in the light of the lamp near the balustrade. He looked at me, one hand at the steering wheel and pushing his tricorn up with the other, revealing his face to the light.

"What are you doing out here? Can you not sleep?", he asked and I shook my head while leaning against the balustrade and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Too thoughtful for that." I looked him over. There was nothing about him that reminded me of the past events. Of course, I didn't know him any differently and knew that he wasn't used to showing his feelings. But that didn't mean that he had none. He proved often enough that there was more going on inside of him than he revealed. But this had always made it more surprising whenever he had revealed it to me.

"I didn't ask you how you are feeling", I said and his eyes, which had been turned to the sea, returned to me. He shrugged.

"Probably the same as you. It was very confusing and troubling. I am just glad that it is over." A simple answer that wouldn't let anyone know what he was talking about. I got the feeling that it was too early for my next question. But I couldn't hold it back.

"When are you going to explain to me what you meant by saying that the Apple was supposed to show you something?"

It was hard to see in this light, but his hand clenched around the steering wheel and even the shadow of the tricorn couldn't hide Ratonhnhaké:ton's tight lips. I was sure he wouldn't answer or that he would tell me again that he had to think about it first and this thought made me frown. But just as I thought I had to persist on an answer, Ratonhnhaké:ton gave a signal to a member of the crew and told him to take over the steering wheel.

"Come", he told me while walking down the stairs. I followed him, over the deck to the bow where Ratonhnhaké:ton leaned against the railing and looked down at the black water that kept spraying up and landed on my hands as I laid them on the railing. It was as cold as the wind blowing into our faces. But I didn't complain. I only waited for Ratonhnhaké:ton to say something and he didn't for quite a while. I started to get impatient as I heard a deep sigh coming from the man beside me and he took the tricorn off his head only to run one hand through his hair.

"I already told you about the spirit I saw in my youth and later on?" It sounded more like a question than a statement and I answered with a slow nod of my head. Yes, he had and it had been hard to believe, just as the existence of the Pieces of Eden.

"She appeared to me again. She told me that the Apple was supposed to show me what could happen if it got into the wrong hands. There a people who want to possess it and even if I would eliminate them, more would follow. As long as it is not brought to a safe place, there is the danger of them getting it."

I had expected everything, but not this answer. That the Apple had pulled us into a way too real vision was already bad and confusing enough. But according to Ratonhnhaké:ton, this spirit - this woman - belonged to a long-forgotten civilization known as Those Who Came Before. They had been able to create the Pieces of Eden and considering their power, it troubled me to hear that Ratonhnhaké:ton had been contacted by one of Those Who Came Before. Again. The first of these meetings had changed his life forever. What did it mean that she had come back now to give him the responsibility for the Apple?

"And did this spirit tell you where to bring the Apple?", I asked carefully because I didn't want him to notice my uneasiness.

"She only spoke of a temple and that I would receive the information I need to find it from the keystones."

The keystones. With an even worse feeling, I thought of the blue objects that had started everything. These small, insignificant things, one of them in the possession of my brother and the reason why the templars had been looking for him. The stones that had put Ray and me under a spell to be the bearers of cryptic messages. These small, insignificant things I feared as much as the Pieces of Eden. Xaman Ek, the old Mayan, had warned Ratonhnhaké:ton about them. He had said that they should better be destroyed to keep them from getting into the wrong hands and causing harm. The keystones had told us where to find the object that seemed to belong in the temple they were supposed to open. If there wasn't a catch in it.

"Until now the stones have done nothing but talk in riddles. The temple could be anywhere in the world."

"Not anywhere", Ratonhnhaké:ton replied and turned his face to me so that it was illuminated by the faint light of the moon. "Do you remember our conversation with Xaman Ek? He said that they matched the description of a key that belonged to a temple guarded by the Mayan people. So it is probably somewhere in the Caribbean or elsewhere in South America."

"And what speaks against forgetting about the keystones and sinking the Apple here and now? You could take the chest, weigh it and throw it overboard. No one would find it and you wouldn't need to trouble yourself with traces and temples."

It seemed so easy. Why should we be bothered by some mystical objects when we could end this here and now? Why waste our time finding some temple? Only to follow the orders of persons and objects that shouldn't exist and give orders in the first place? But obviously, I was alone with my opinion. Ratonhnhaké:ton shook his head and lowered his eyes to the tricorn in his hands.

"She told me that it would be safe in the temple. That no one could find it there."

"Just as they wouldn't under the sea", I replied shortly and looked at the water. "The sea here is too deep for anyone to dive for it and I doubt that some fish would take it to gain world domination."

But Ratonhnhaké:ton shook his head again.

"I cannot do it. I have to take it away as she said. I do not want to risk anything. There is too much at stake."

"She is some phantom that only appeared to you to give you cryptic orders." By now, I couldn't suppress my irritation anymore. "What are you risking by not doing as she says? Get rid of the Apple now. If you don't, I rather believe that you risk something happening again. This thing is dangerous and if I were you, I would have gotten rid of it long ago. I don't want to have it close. Not to me, not to you, not to Caleb, and especially not to Emily. Get rid of it, I am begging you."

Yes, I had sounded angry and yes, I had tried to manipulate Ratonhnhaké:ton. But I was angry. Angry because he was risking to keep the Apple and the stones close. But I was even angrier with these objects and this woman I only knew from stories. I was angry because she had such an influence on Ratonhnhaké:ton and with him, on my life as well. Why him? Why was he supposed to endanger himself by following voices long silenced? It was crazy only talking about something like that and about objects as if they were people with their own will. Everyone who would listen to us would send us to a sanatorium. All of this exceeded my imagination although I had experienced so much already and that made me angry as well. Just as Ratonhnhaké:ton's next words.

"It is impossible, Lillian. Everything she showed me in the past has become true somehow or it did not because I followed my destiny. If I do not now, something bad will happen. I know it."

"And what is that?"

"Callaghan wanted the keys. The Templars are after the Apple and what do you think will happen if they get it?"

I stayed silent. Not because I didn't know the answer to his question but quite the opposite. The Templars would use the power of the Apple to realize the ideals of their order and destroy their enemies. The assassins and everyone supporting them. People would die.

"Believe me, Lillian, I do not like it either and I certainly do not want to fight about it", Ratonhnhaké:ton said and stepped closer to me. "But I have no choice. Each alternative is worse than what she told me to do."

I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all and still, it was hard to say more against it. I couldn't talk him out of it, also because it seemed more important to him than I had realized. But it was hard to drop my reluctance. Just as it was hard to look at him. I was staring at my hands that were clawing the railing. I hadn't noticed it but now they began to hurt and I loosened my grip.

"Are you angry with me?"

His quiet question made me raise my eyes after all. It sounded inquiring and like a request to deny. But despite my goodwill, I couldn't.

"Yes. Because I don't understand", I replied just as quietly. "I am scared. Of the Piece of Eden and what it's capable of. I am scared for you." I sighed deeply and took a step towards him to put my hands on his that were kneading the hem of his hat. "But I don't want to fight either. I trust you and hope that you will do the right thing."

"I promise that I will search for the temple as soon as possible. I do not want to keep the Apple for longer than it is necessary." Ratonhnhaké:ton tugged the tricorn under his arm, only to grab my hands. His touch was warm and comforting, just like his voice. It was hard to not believe him. "Do not be afraid. You have overcome the horrors of the vision."

"Not yet." I smiled faintly as I thought of the chaos in my mind. "I think it will take some time until I stop fearing that this is a dream. And there are some things I have to get used to."

Ratonhnhaké:ton cocked his head. "For example?"

"That Connor, the assassin and captain has returned." Smirking, I pulled the tricorn from under his arm to put it on his head. It slipped lower into his face which made me laugh and him smirk, as he pushed the hat up again. But then his eyes became thoughtful.

"I think, he was never gone. I might have not taken the blade but I cannot deny who I am either."

"And this is good. I felt just as well and safe in your presence as I do now."

I pulled at the tricorn until it finally sat right on his head and made him look like a respectable captain. I smiled as I remembered the moment he had decided to put down his identity as an assassin because he had thought to be not deserving of it in the reality of the Apple. It had never made a difference. I got used to his Mohawk name by now, but it was only a name and he, as a person, had stayed the same. Nothing had changed about his character and his way of thinking. He had been the same man that was now standing in front of me and for whom I had never felt differently. With this thought, a grin flitted across my face as I pulled at the hems of his coat as if I wanted to straighten them as well.

"But I have to say that you looked really good in the clothes of your people. There was something about the jewelry, too."

I raised my eyes and was glad that the serious and thoughtful expression in his had disappeared. To joke around made it so much easier to forget my own dark thoughts and luckily he was so used to it by now, that he engaged in it. His voice became teasing as he caught one of my locks, wrapped it around his finger, and said: "I liked the way you looked in the clothes my mother gave you, too. Better than this ridiculous bonnet."

I chuckled. Oh, yes. The bonnet. Apart from the fact that I usually tied my hair under a scarf for doing my chores, I didn't like this piece of clothing either and this was just because I was very vain. It was good to hear that my husband hadn't appreciated this ugly green thing either.

"It disappeared anyway. Just as my knife", I said, cocking my head as I remembered how I had been looking for them in the tiny tent after deciding to go to New York with Haytham and the others and free Ratonhnhaké:ton. I had only found his hunting knife which he had always carried with him.

"You don't know what happened to them, or do you?"

Ratonhnhaké:ton pinched his lips but I didn't miss the twitch in the corner of his mouth as he said: "Not in the slightest."