This is the last chapter that was ever written for the "old" NME, plus an abandoned scene I added at the end.
Meanwhile, the rewrite is going along smoothly. The outline for the story stands, and I have finished the rewrite up to chapter 31, though to be fair, chapters 1-27 will be taken over with minimal changes, and the old chapters 28-31 with only some. The real meat of the rewrite begins now for me.
Even so, I think that means I can aim for a 'release date', where chapters 1-27 will be dumped at once (because yeah, minimal changes) to start matters. Since I'll have a lengthy medical appointment the next day where I'll hopefully be able to distract myself with comments etc, the planned 'release date' is September 26th, late evening CEST. I'll post a notice here then, too. Afterwards, there hopefully will be a regular update schedule.
"Does this work?"
Two heads turned around to the soft voice that had just come from the door. Two heads tilted sidewards in unison when they saw what was standing there.
"Does this work?" Rei repeated after a while.
The two heads nodded dumbly.
"You look..." Shinji began.
"...great," Asuka ended the sentence for him.
Not that she hadn't seen Rei's dress before. In fact, it was one of the things the two had bought during the week spent on training for the rematch with Israfel, when Asuka had taken Rei out to the city. But this was the first time since trying it on that Rei was actually wearing it.
Back then, she had not understood the necessity of such a piece of clothing. There would never be an opportunity to wear it, as far as she had been concerned, and even on those rare occassions that would maybe occur she could wear something else. That was before her soul had been reunited, before she could understand so many things so much better, back when she had felt no contact at all with the world. But now…
She still wouldn't have worn such a dress for her own sake. As much as Asuka could go on about finding one's style, she saw no need for that. Or maybe 'simple and to the point' just was her style. Either way, she would never have worn that dress just to be 'dressed appropriately' for an occasion. No, the reason she was wearing it was much simpler. She had never gotten such looks like she was getting from Shinji and Asuka right now.
Her lips curled up. In truth, she had never encountered much niceness or positive feedback in her life at all. The Commander had never truly praised her, only ever acknowledged her efforts, and even that in a curt way. Just a non-empathic "Good" now and then, and even that was more like the appraisal of a tool… which she had been. Nobody had ever praised her. And in particular, nobody had ever looked at her with such open admiration as her two loves right now.
She had never known how good this could feel. Even now, being looked at like that by Asuka and Shinji… it made her feel fluttery inside. It was a completely new experience, and one that now she wanted to continue no matter what.
"You shouldn't continue looking at me like that once we're outside," Rei reminded her partners. It was true, of course. Their relationship had to remain a secret. That's why Rei reminded them of that fact. But in truth, she found herself caring less and less about that fact. The Scenario was nothing compared to being looked at like that.
Asuka grinned. "That's why we need to get our fill now." She stood up and pecked Rei's cheek. The fluttery feeling inside the blue-haired girl grew.
Asuka herself was wearing a dress in her favourite colour – red. Its cut was simpler than Rei's, but slightly more racy. It showed much of her athletic legs and nicely accentuated her… Rei kept looking.
Asuka blushed. Shinji chuckled. "What was that about not looking at others like that while outside, Rei?"
He was wearing a polo shirt and his new, better fitting trousers. Asuka had made some sarcastic remarks about his level of dressing up, but Rei thought he looked good in it. She realized, though, that coming from her maybe this wasn't a very objective judgement.
Just as she had promised, Misato was waiting outside the apartment. She had a faint smile on her face.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
"Absolutely ready!" Asuka exclaimed. Rei just nodded. Shinji grinned.
This had been Misato's idea in the first place, though at Shinji's prompting. The boy was feeling much better these days. Rei liked to think this was also due to Asuka and her. She had a weird feeling of accomplishment looking at him smiling again, a feeling she'd never had towards the Scenario. It just meant a lot to her that he was able to smile again. And truly, it was a wonderful sight.
Shinji had reasoned that maybe he could go to school again tomorrow, Friday. After all, if that didn't work out, if he were to panic, he would have a whole weekend to recuperate and try again afterwards. So Asuka had brought up the idea that, as a sort of further preliminary test, they could go out and do something today, Thursday… though Rei was reasonable sure that for Asuka it was more about going out together than testing Shinji. It was then that Misato had brought up a youth disco that was being held in the city's multi-purpose hall. Asuka had scoffed at the idea of going to a 'kiddies' event' at first, finding that something to be beneath her as an elite pilot, but when pressed hadn't been able to come up with better ideas herself.
Rei was slightly confused about that chain of events. Misato had gone on to note several times how much the pilots going to such an event would be a nightmare for Section 2. She seemed honestly worried about that prospect, and Rei had to agree with that judgement. Yet, this had been the Major's idea in the first place. And Asuka's newfound enthusiasm for going there had also come rather suddenly.
"Sorry, ki… people, one of you will have to get in the front seat," Misato told them once they had reached her car. She would transport them to the multi-purpose hall. "All three of you sitting on the back bench would be a bit hard to explain."
Immediately, Rei went to the front. Duty still came naturally to her.
When they arrived at the multi-purpose hall, Misato by far wasn't the only adult who was unloading teenagers from their car. It felt odd to Rei. She had never been like the others. Deep down, she knew she genuinely wasn't like other peope. So she had also never done what others did. She had only been enrolled in school one year prior to the angel attacks. Before that, her life had been unlike any other child's life, consisting of training to be a pilot and reading text books. She had accepted that as normalcy for her. She just did different things than other people. And now, that normalcy had been dented a bit.
For a moment, Rei allowed herself to indulge in that fantasy, that she could be nothing else but a normal teenager. It was a liberating thought. No consideration for the Scenario, no use for her like a tool, just existing in a carefree world where the height of concern were bad grades and gossip. A world where perhaps she could have have grown up in an actual family, with parents that could have shown her love…
She briefly took Asuka's hand and gave it a squeeze. That would be less suspicious if seen than if she had done the same with Shinji. She saw many teenaged couples around in fact. She wondered how it would be, if she just could take both Asuka's and Shinji's hands, with no fear of discovery, with no Section 2 to watch them all, with no Commander Ikari in the background…
When the three entered, Rei made sure to maintain an appropriate distance from her partners, much as it saddened her. Inside, they found some generic pop music playing and a hall that wasn't even half filled with people. There were some youths here, in an age range from twelve to sixteen, though the latter was very rare, but overall the venue seemed much too large for the event.
"So… uh…" Asuka began. She seemed unsure what to do now. All of them were.
"I think it is expected that we dance here," Rei stated.
Shinji looked down. "I… uh… have never actually done so."
Asuka's head was suddenly very red. Then she raised her chin defiantly. "Well, how hard can it be? J… Just watch!"
She began to move her hips. At first it seemed random, but then Rei could discern some synchronicity with the music. She liked to watch Asuka move, of course, and she had acquired a bit of appreciation for music, but she still didn't see the connection – why so many peopled moved to music. Though it was a bit similar to their pre-Israfel training. And if Asuka could move in synchronicity with the music, maybe she could move in synchronicity with Asuka…
She still didn't understand the appeal. She understood music now, a bit, but not why people moved to it. However, just keeping up with Asuka was enough. To watch her, her hips, her legs, her upper body, and to move likewise. She was slightly surprised how easy it was. Even though neither of them had danced to the song before, their movements seemed completely synchronized.
Rei furrowed her brows when someone else moved between Asuka and her. A boy their age… Rei thought she had seen him in school before. Dark brown, somewhat shaggy hair, long and lanky. He was from a parallel class if she remembered correctly.
"Uh, you two are really good at this," he told the girls. Asuka just glared at him. Rei didn't respond at all. From the corner of her eye she could see Shinji giving the boy a glum look.
"You're from class 2A, aren't you?" the boy tried again.
"Not anymore," Asuka scoffed.
"Oh?" the boy wondered.
"Never mind," Asuka told him. "Not your business."
"But I just wanted..." the boy tried to protest.
"Urgh," Asuka complained. "Come, Rei, Shinji, let's go sit down at the bar."
Leaving the boy behind on the dancefloor, the three indeed made their way to the bar. Asuka ordered and paid for drinks for the three. Rei looked at hers with a bit of suspicion: A mix of fruit juices in a glass, with a straw in it. Carefully she nipped at the straw… and her eyes widened. She would have to try more fruit juice, it seemed.
"To be fair," Shinji commented quietly. He was looking down, but there was a faint smile on his face. "You two were in fact really good at that."
Asuka looked around, then bent forwards to Shinji and whispered with a grin. "I assume we had your full attention."
A small blush appeared on his cheeks. "You always do."
Rei stuck out her hand… and then quickly withdrew it. They couldn't afford public displays of affection here… or anywhere, for that matter. Rei felt intensely frustrated about that.
"Did you enjoy your dance, Asuka?" she asked instead.
"Eh… I don't know," Asuka admitted. "To be honest, I've never done this before." She shrugged. "I just thought this could be something fun to do. Especially with you two. But… you know…"
"Uh… yeah," Shinji answered. "Guess we do."
The three sat in silence for a while, just now and then sipping from their glasses. Eventually, Asuka began making snide remarks about some people she saw on the dance floor. Rei took another sip and considered how strange it was: Asuka had been full of passion to help her, a flame of empathy leading her out of the darkness… but she could be so cold and even cruel to others. That did bother her somewhat.
"They look like they're having fun," she hence pointed out eventually.
Asuka scoffed. "Of course they do. After all, they can't see how silly they look."
"Does it matter?" Shinji asked. It was barely above a whisper.
Both girls turned around to him. Asuka asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well… you're right, Asuka. Some of them do look silly," Shinji admitted. "But it doesn't really matter, I think. They're here to have fun, not to look good."
Asuka raised her chin. "Hm. They could make some effort."
Shinji grinned. "Why? They'd never reach your level."
Asuka's eyes widened. Then she grinned back. "That was quite clever of you."
"It's the truth," Rei stated matter-of-factly.
Asuka began to stutter an answer, then just blushed. Finally, she said, "Not quite. There's also you."
A somewhat awkward silence ensued. Finally, Shinji put his empty glass on the counter and asked, "Shall we try dancing again?"
And try they did. They danced close to each other… and then realized that this might be a bad idea so made room again. They danced apart from each other, but that didn't satisfy any of the three. They came together, only to be overly careful of how close they stood, how they moved, what to do now.
"This isn't working out," Rei finally commented, stating an obvious fact.
Asuka grunted. "Verdammt noch ein Mal..."
"Well, uh, it's better than nothing?" Shinji offered.
They moved to a corner of the dancing floor, but even there they felt they were being watched. Most likely they were; surely Section 2 had at least one agent somewhere in here. It wasn't that dancing couldn't be a fun activity; Rei imagined it could actually be quite fun when done together with Shinji and Asuka. The problem was just that they didn't really have the luxury for doing it 'together'.
Even Shinji tried to move to the tune of the music now. It looked fairly awkward. Rei went over to him and corrected some of his positions… touching him at the waist, at the arms, his back… He soon had a silly smile and a blush on his face, but he was a capable student.
Asuka cleared her throat.
Rei… sighed. She had rarely before felt so frustrated. "This isn't working out," she stated again.
"Not really," Asuka sighed. "Watching you dance is fun, but..." She shrugged helplessly. "I can't do anything."
"Like what?" Shinji asked with subdued smile on his face.
Asuka's face became red. "You know exactly what I meant!" she told him defiantly and heatedly. "Besides, it isn't like you don't have similar ideas!"
"Ah… well… you know… uh…" Shinji stuttered.
For weeks now, Rei had desired more. More contact. More touches. More intimacy. And watching Shinji and Asuka move and dance had only made this wish more acute. If the others now felt the same way…
"Let's go home," she suggested.
"Uh… what?" Shinji asked.
"Misato is supposed to pick us up," Asuka reminded her. "In..." she took her phone out of her pocket. "Two hours." She sighed.
"We can call her," Rei argued. "And we can take the train."
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other, as if that was a totally new idea for them. "Well…" Asuka began. "That does sound… like a solution to our problems." Shinji just nodded.
As far as Rei was concerned, that concluded that deliberation, so she just turned around and went for the exit. Only once she was outside had Shinji and Asuka caught up to her.
In order to get to the nearest train station, they had to pass an undercrossing. Rei was strangely happy when she saw it. And indeed, as soon as they entered the barely lit darkness of the passage, Asuka grabbed both her and Shinji's hand. The redhead sighed, contended. Once again Rei imagined how it would be if they could walk like this everywhere in the city… but alas, the undercrossing ended after less than ten metres.
As the group sat down at the station and waited for the next train, Rei felt somewhat disappointed. This was supposed to have been something for the three of them to do together, an activity for them as a pair… couple… whatever they were. But the secrecy they had to maintain seemed to make such activities impossible – a secrecy maintained for her sake.
Worse, when they entered the train they saw they were not the only ones in the wagon. Even now they had to keep apart from each other.
So when the three reached their apartment again, the first thing they did was undo their shoes… and the second thing was Rei grabbing each of her partners with an arm. She had lost time to compensate, and had missed out on hugs for too long. Asuka and Shinji both reacted surprised at first, but then smiled and grabbed each other's arms. They all ended up in a group hug at the entrance of their apartment. Rei was more or less content. Going out had been a flop, but this was something at least.
"Well, so much for that," Asuka grumbled, her voice coming muffled from Shinji's shoulder. "This secrecy thing is annoying."
Shinji nudged his head against hers. "Let's have some tea to unwind. And then you can beat both of us at Tekken multiple rounds to get rid of your frustration."
Asuka answered with a muffled chuckle. "You know just what a girl needs."
Rei leaned back slightly from the embrace, in order to look right at Asuka. "I won't go easy on you," she said in her usual voice – soft, monotonous and matter-of-factly.
Video games had appeared to her as inefficient at first. Somewhat similar to training programs, but too abstract and not optimized to train certain faculties. But the more she had played with Asuka, the more she had begun to realize that she really, really disliked losing. And that, in turn, Asuka really, really liked a challenge.
So the redhead grinned at her. "It's on!"
As they entered the kitchen, Rei commented, "Kaworu and Aida show their relationship openly."
"What are you saying, Rei?" Shinji asked.
"You two could as well," she told them.
That seemed to make both of them uncomfortable. Finally, Shinji spoke up. "Well… how those three handle matters, that's… their affair. But we… I'd feel uncomfortable if we did the same. I… this whole thing is crazy enough, you know? It kinda feels fragile and unstable. I feel like we could… well, damage something if we excluded someone like that. And I… I don't want to break something as," his voice became a mumbling whisper, "beautiful as this."
Asuka laid a hand on his shoulder. "We won't. Nobody gets excluded. We all… well, I think we all know loneliness and exclusion. No more. Even if it means…." She waved her other arm. "Stuff like this."
Rei felt both oddly relieved hearing these words, but also concerned. So they would continue to hide everything, to forego any signs of affection outside, and that all just because of her. She didn't want that. She wanted Asuka and Shinji to be happy, and just because they kissed outside and didn't include her wouldn't mean they'd exclude her here. And yet… it felt just so reassuring to hear those words, to hear this utter commitment that none of them would ever be alone again, even if that came at a price.
She took a step forwards and glomped Shinji. Asuka laughed benevolently and then laid her other arm on her shoulder.
"Still, it sucks," she commented. "I mean, we get all dressed up like this..."
Shinji suddenly straightened up. Rei looked up into his face and saw a smile appearing there. "I think I have an idea," he remarked. "Do stay dressed! I'm getting something from Misato's appartment."
He rushed to the entrance, put on his shoes again and exited. Asuka and Rei looked at each other in confusion.
Two minutes later he came back, carrying a large, oddly shaped box. Rei didn't understand, but Asuka laughed. "You're going to play music then?"
Shinji's smile was somewhat abashed. "I figure you can dance in here, at least." He paused. "Ah, I don't think I know any fast-paced pieces, though."
"That's quite alright," Asuka told him. She looked at Rei, deep in her eyes. "Want to dance?"
Rei looked back at her. Asuka's face was usually so full of flame – often even spite and anger, but it was that flame, that drive which Rei admired about her even so. And now that face was so full of tenderness, of benevolence… of love. Rei simply nodded.
Asuka took Rei's hand, held it high, and made a curtsy. "Then let's dance."
Asuka led Rei into the living room… though then the two returned, Rei helping Shinji to carry the cello while Asuka carried a chair over for him. The boy sat down, unpacked his cello and began to play. He didn't seem to need a note sheet at all.
The music was slow, and harmonious. Rei still didn't quite know how to move to it, but she didn't need to: Asuka began leading her. The redhead laid an arm around Rei's waist, while her other one was stretched out, its hand touching hers. Clearly, Asuka intended for a very close slow dance. Rei had no objections.
As Shinji continued to play, Rei's muscles relaxed. There was no need to consciously think about her movements anymore. Asuka led her, and Rei was content following hers. Soon, there was nothing in Rei's world anymore but the music, the movement and Asuka's face only centimetres from her. Slowly, they swung around in the living room, keeping close to each other, smiling at each other.
Right then, it hit Rei again how she had never thought she would have something like that. She had been a tool, nothing more. A tool stored away in a deep bunker, a tool to be used for a purpose, a tool that simply happened to have human shape and some emotions. Dancing with a loved one had never been part of her horizon. And now…
Now she had love. Looking Asuka right in the eyes, an almost overwhelming feeling of love and tenderness overcame her, and sheer joy for their dance. Rei had heard the term 'dance the night away' before, but only now did she realize what it meant. She felt like she could go on like this forever, just forever dancing with and being close to her love. Well, one of her loves. But when she looked to Shinji during their circles, she saw him observing them, smiling.
What really was the Scenario, compared to this?
In a darkened corner of a smoky bar on the bad side of Tokyo-3, Kaji flipped his NERV card over and over through his nicotine stained fingers. What a way to go, Kaji thought, looking at his name and picture on the now useless piece of identification.
Hours earlier he had attempted to use it to get into the Geofront, only for him to be denied entry. At first he had thought it was some kind of malfunction, until he got an email from Tokyo-2 coldly informing him of his immediate termination. He put the card down and took a swig of his beer.
He could guess the cause of his sudden dismissal. He had left Germany pissing off quite many people, stealing something very important from them. Certain people in Tokyo-2 had surely simply been itching to have him removed. So far, Commander Ikari had protected him. That Kaji was fired now, only days after he had pressured the Commander into negotiations with the pilots, made it clear he had lost that protection.
The price for strong-arming him. Or maybe he has found out about Mana. Gods know he has been strangely buddy-buddy with the JSSDF as of late. He shook his head. Either way, this will make things more complicated. Kaji simply wasn't done yet. There still were so many mysteries at NERV to uncover, and about that secret cabal in the background, SEELE. I need to continue my work. But how?
Looking up to get the attention of the bartender, Kaji was surprised to see a familiar figure walking towards him.
"Mister Kaji! What are you doing here?" Toshiro Suzuhara said warmly as he approached, his arms wide open. "I didn't expect to see a NERV inspector in a place like this." He laughed as he gestured around the room, pointing out the state of it.
"Suzuhara? Don't worry about me; I've been to rougher places." It was true. As much as Misato would joke about him being a James Bond wannabe, Kaji's private investigations around the world had led him to some very interesting locales. A somewhat shady Yakuza bar didn't frighten him. "How are you? You seem... cheerful."
Suzuhara motioned to the seat across from Kaji in his booth. After Kaji gave him a nod the man smiled and sat down. "What can I say? Business is good. The bad blood between our houses has healed for now and there is no need for further altercations, so the patrons are pouring back in." The man grinned toothily, clearly happy about his success. "I mean, it's not what it used to be. Every time a monster attacks the city, more customers run for the hills. We can raise prices but... there is only so much you can do. Can't draw blood from a stone, now can you?"
"Isn't the phrase 'draw water from a stone'?" Kaji asked absently, taking out a cigarette from his quickly emptying packet.
Suzuhara shrugged. "Blood, water, its all the same." Kaji raised an eyebrow. To you I'm sure it is. "You, on the other hand, are the face of doom and gloom, Inspector. Can I buy you a drink to cheer you up?"
Kaji waved off Suzuhara's generosity and pulled out something from his faded brown wallet. "Former inspector, you mean. I was fired today. I think we stepped on some toes with our little stunt with the pilots. Still..." Kaji smiled faintly as he flashed a silver credit card. "They may have sacked me, but they have yet to cancel my expenses card, so I am going to ride this until I drop."
Suzuhara chuckled. "That's the way to go out in style."
Addressing the bartender, Kaji motioned to his almost empty glasses. "I will have another scotch on the rocks, top shelf, remember. Oh... and did you find any Flensburger in the back?" Suzuhara shot him an odd look at the question. Kaji shrugged. "Blame my time in Berlin, or at least my time with Asuka. That girl could drive anyone to drink." Gods have mercy on poor Shinji and Rei. He turned towards the bartender again. "If you can't find it just give me something tall and pale."
The bartender went to get the ordered drinks. Meanwhile, Suzuhara had gotten all serious. "I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune, I must say. You did good work as Inspector." His voice got just a notch harder. "It seems I must look out more for my son myself then."
"And I was so close..." Kaji muttered absent-mindedly, the frustration about that taking over.
"Hm?" Suzuhara prompted him.
Kaji shook his head. "It's nothing. Just a personal peeve that I can't continue my work anymore. I can still try, even outside my old role, but without MAGI access..."
He wasn't even sure why he was telling this to Suzuhara. Maybe the alcohol was getting to him. In any case, it was unlikely the mobster would tell NERV about it.
Suzuhara gave a toothy smile. "Ah, I think I can help with that, Inspector... ex-Inspector, that is." He fiddled in his coat until he found what he was looking for. Careful to look around the bar to see if they were being observed, the enforcer pulled out a small unmarked flash drive and placed it next to Kaji's ashtray.
Kaji chose his words very carefully. "What exactly is that?"
Suzuhara hushed his voice. "That, my friend, is a backdoor into the MAGI system."
Kaji's head swirled around to take a surprised, even shocked, look at the yakuza man. "Impossible," he said with a hard edge. Lowering his volume again, he added, "The MAGI are impenetrable."
Suzuhara shrugged. "The MAGI may be a fantastic machine. But even the greatest marvels need to be cleaned and maintained by people. And those people can have... expensive tastes. Tastes that a lowly technician's salary cannot support."
"You blackmailed some rank and file NERV crew member into giving you this in exchange for forgiving a debt?" Kaji could definitely see it. That was the problems with organizations that big; after some point leaks were inevitable. "Why? Is this about your son?"
"NERV is the big guy in town," Suzuhara told him. "Always good to have a foot in the door there. It's as simple as that."
Kaji scoffed. Unbelievable! "Do you know how much this would be worth to the Ministry of the Interior? They've been trying to get into NERV for ages now." Kaji would know. "I'm sure the JSSDF as well." They have complained about NERV's enormous budget often enough. Though these days he wasn't so sure about that anymore...
"If our little gumi got into the political crossfire of such heavy-weight organizations, that would be the end of us," Suzuhara explained. "Mr Marukawu is too clever to risk that."
"So why give this to me?" Kaji asked. "You want me to be a spy for you?"
Again, a shrug of Suzuhara's bullish, meaty shoulders. "I just think that the two of us are already on the same side – or at least have the same goals. I just want to provide you with the tools to keep doing what you're doing. To protect my son and keep an eye on NERV. What you do with the info you find is up to you then."
Kaji was wary. Some gifts came with an unspoken price. And some people you didn't want to owe favors. Still, Kaji had exhausted almost all of his other avenues in his quest for info about SEELE and their control of NERV. Compared to those monsters, the people who nearly destroyed the world and killed his brother, what were a few favors to the mob? After taking the drive and putting it in his pocket, Kaji took swig of his drink before setting down the glass. It was a taste noticeably more bitter than a moment ago.
Grabbing Kaji by the hand and giving it a warm shake, Suzuhara got up. "I hope that helps, Mr Kaji. Now as much as I would like to stay and drink with you, I only came here for business with the owner." Glancing over his shoulder Suzuhara sighed as he saw two of his associates by the door looking nervous, checking the corners and being skittish.
"What is their problem?" Kaji asked, looking at the pair. One was quite large with a shaved head and what looked like tattoos around his neck, while the other was smaller with slicked-back hair. Both wore track suits and a frankly gaudy amount of jewelry. The smaller one even wore fancy black suede boots.
Suzuhara waved a hand. "I don't know exactly; they refuse to talk about it. All I know is they showed up a few weeks ago covered in bruises and all their bluster knocked out of them. I can't use them for anything more than guard duty it seems. Good help is hard to find these days." Catching the gaze of a man in the back, Suzuhara smiled at the former inspector one last time before walking off. "And we can all use a little help from time to time. Don't we, Mister Kaji?"
Kaji let the man go, not wanting to prolong anything. In his pocket, the drive felt like a stone. "I guess we do."
"Oh and if you need some cheering up outside your... Flensburger I would recommend a little cat house I know, if you mention my name I am sure you could get..."
Kaji waved a hand to cut him off. "I... don't think that is necessary."
Suzuhara shrugged. "Till next time then, Mister Kaji."
When the man and his associates had left Kaji gave a sigh of relief, his stomach turning. But he knew it was not from the bourbon but rather the drive in his pocket that was making his gut twist. For he knew he would not be able to stop himself from diving into that place again.
Rei was in a dilemma. She knew she couldn't spend too much attention on Shinji, not at school or the way to it. It was sad how the need for secrecy kept them apart, but that need surely existed. And yet, on the other hand, this would be his first day at school in weeks. Even if he had been calm the last days when they had gone out, nobody could say how this would affect him. She was… worried about him. And she wanted to literally look out for him.
Currently, the two were walking towards school, just as they had been every weekday a month ago. The sun was shining on a busy pavement; other students were not walking far from them, alone, in pairs or in groups. They passed by the park where Rei had once waited every day. While both she and Shinji were silent, as they so often were, a feeling of contentment came over Rei. Back then, only Shinji had been her contact with the world; now she had him and Asuka and was going to school again. In a way, it was a return to normalcy, but a strange one: Unlike back then, Asuka was missing. The redhead wasn't going to school anymore. It felt weird walking to school again, the first time in weeks, but now without her. It certainly was a much quieter walk. The absence of Asuka's fire was a pity.
Rei could understand her, though. There was indeed no logical reason for her to go to school, and it clashed with her personal desires. Asuka wanted attention and respect, more than anything else in life, and middle school just was not the sort of location where she could get the sort of respect that she craved. In fact, Rei kinda admired her – Asuka was taking charge of her life, freeing herself of the restrictions imposed upon her. Rei wished she could do the same.
It was still a bit unclear what else Asuka could do… but if the Scenario held, in a few months that wouldn't matter anymore. Just a few months ago Rei wouldn't have evaluated that thought. Now, she felt very uneasy about it.
As soon as Shinji and she entered the schoolyard, they caused some minor uproar. People were looking and whispering. Rei tensed; this had to be expected, but surely this wasn't good for Shinji. He was well-known in school, being one of the famous mecha pilots, a fact that was rather uncomfortable for him. So of course news about his return to school would spread fast.
"Hey man! Shinji! Good to see you back! And you as well, Ayanami!"
Rei turned her head to see Suzuhara and Aida running towards them.
Suzuhara enthusiastically patted Shinji on the upper arm when they reached him. "Man, so glad to see you back! So… feeling better now?"
"I don't know," Shinji admitted. His quiet tone was a stark contrast to Suzuhara's demeanour. "This… it's a trial. We… we'll see how it goes. It might be I can't…" He trailed.
"Yeah, I know," Suzuhara told him. "You don't need to tell me. Not… not anymore." He sighed. "Those damn machines…"
Shinji smiled faintly. "But I suppose I can't just stay at home forever."
Suzuhara scoffed. He hit Shinji's back in a comradely but maybe a bit over-enthusiastic way and said haughtily, "Of course we could, if we liked. We're pilots, ain't we? This whole damn school still stands only because of us in the first place."
"You've spent too much time around Asuka," Aida remarked drily.
Suzuhara glared at him. "Well, anyway. Don't worry, Shin-man. We'll stand together. Us pilots. This group. Right, Ken?"
"Ah, well…" Aida began unsurely.
"Hey now. You're part of it now," Suzuhara told him. "Kaworu makes sure of that. Kirishima is as well, I guess, the way she always hangs out around you two or Shinji."
Aida breathed out, as if in defeat. "Part of it. Yeah, I guess you could say that."
Of course, as Rei realized, Suzuhara had no idea just how much Aida had already become part of 'it'. He didn't know about Mana and what had happened with her, after all.
"Kaworu is your partner," Rei told him. "Shinji and Suzuhara your friends. You're part of our group, Aida."
Both Aida and Suzuhara looked at her oddly. Than Aida grinned. "Wasn't that long ago you wouldn't give me the time of the day. Staying with Asuka and Shinji really brought you out of your shell." Kensuke laughed before he caught himself. "Ah, if you don't mind me saying."
"You know..." Shinji spoke up now. "If we're all in the same group… and I call all of you by given name… maybe you three could do so as well?"
Aida looked first at him, then at Rei, then at Suzuhara. Suzuhara just grinned. "Yeah, s'pose that makes sense," the bigger boy agreed. "We're both pilots after all, right… Rei? And the last two not to call each other by given name. Asuka sure saw to that."
Rei nodded. "We are, Touji." Then she looked at his friend. "Are you okay with that, Kensuke?"
The boy shrugged. "I mean… we all are friends, aren't we? And I'm glad about that, Rei."
As they went inside the school building, Rei realized that Kensuke was right. Starting from Mana's rescue at the latest, they probably would all have to be considered friends. And concerning Touji, there was the way they had all stood up to NERV command. They were all friends; that was a fair and objective evaluation…
...Friends. Which meant she had friends. And not just one or two, but a whole group.
Not that having friends was so unusual. All of her classmates had friends. But she had never seen herself as akin to them. She had always seen herself as just a tool to be used; a tool that happened to have human emotions, but that was irrelevant. But now… Maybe she was human after all. Maybe she was 'normal'.
It certainly felt that way when she spent the morning classes bored, just like all her classmates. That sensation was a drawback from the reunification of her soul. She hadn't felt it before; now she wished she wouldn't feel it. The teacher in front of the class droning on and on about pre-Second Impact Japan was just so repetitive and uninteresting and she could do nothing else. It was worse than a synch-test.
Finally, lunch break came. Immediately, she stood up and, with small steps, hastened over to Shinji's desk, who greeted her with a smile. Freedom from boring teachers and a Shinji lunchbox for the first time in weeks; Rei was very pleased with that combination. She was not the only one coming to Shinji's desk, though. Kensuke was as well. Meanwhile, Touji and Hikari went outside, possibly to the cafeteria.
"It's odd," Shinji remarked. Rei made a sound indicating him to go on. "Well, how suddenly everything is so normal again."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Kensuke told him and sighed. "I… oh hey, Kaworu."
The grey-haired boy had also come to the desk. "Hello, Kensuke. I am sorry that we could not talk before school today. I was running late. Hope kept me quite busy." Hope kept him busy? Rei had no idea what he meant by that. "Maybe we can talk later. However, for the moment being..." He looked at Rei. "I think you and I should talk."
That surprised Rei. She had nothing against Kaworu, but she saw no reason why that should be true. "Why?"
"You, Shinji and Asuka have locked yourselves away these past two weeks," Kaworu explained. "And before that… I cannot say we have ever been close. So I was hoping that you and I could get to know one another a bit, while Kensuke and Shinji here reconnect. I think you and I have far more in common than we realize."
That was an interesting statement. There was something about Kaworu which had always piqued Rei's interest. A commonality, indeed… but it was a commonality she didn't like to think about. I'm not her. And fortunately, so far, there was always the possibility that Kaworu was not who she suspected he was. It was a possibility she wanted to maintain.
"We might," she replied. It sounded, by her standards, somewhat unsure.
She still didn't know what to do. She looked at Kaworu, and then at Shinji, uncertain how to react.
Shinji shrugged in a helpless gesture. It seemed he had been caught blindsided by Kaworu's bluntness as well. "Well, I'll be fine," he told her.
Rei nodded curtly. That was the most important aspect. Then she stood up and walked out of the classroom. If Kaworu wanted to talk, they would talk. Nearly everyone had left the classroom for the break anyway; Kensuke and Shinji remained behind, now the only people in their corner of the room.
Finally, she stopped at a corner in the corridor, Kaworu right behind her. She simply looked at him expectantly; he had wanted talk after all.
And Kaworu came right to the point. "I apologize for any alarm this may cause, and I truly do not mean to offend, but it is plain that you are not fully human."
"I am me," Rei told him. "That is all that counts." That was the truth to which she was clinging ever since Leliel. She was Rei, she was herself, and that was all that mattered.
"And what is this 'you'?" Kaworu inquired further. "You are you, but who is that?"
"I am Rei Ayanami," Rei simply answered.
"That is merely exchanging one term for another, without explaining anything," Kaworu insisted. "It is like saying that a tower is a spire, and a spire is a tower. That is the truth, but what does it mean?"
Rei became slightly annoyed, but didn't show it. "There is no deeper truth, for none of us."
Kaworu tilted his head. "Humans can only exist through reflections of one another. But you aren't fully human."
"Neither are you," Rei countered. That much was obvious.
"No," Kaworu confirmed, an odd smile on his face. It looked almost like a predatory grin. "I know who I am and what I am. Do you?"
"I am Rei Ayanami," Rei repeated. "That is all I need to know, and all I want to know."
This seemed to annoy Kaworu. "But there is something beneath that surface that you call 'Rei Ayanami'. Something more. Am I wrong?"
Rei just glared at him. She didn't want to answer that question. It hit too close to home. I'm not her.
Finally, she answered. "I belong in this world. Do you?"
Kaworu smiled enigmatically. "I am here, am I not?" He looked up. "Whether I should be… Sometimes I am in doubt myself. I can but hope that Kensuke and Mana think so, that maybe even Shinji and Asuka think so… maybe even you."
"That depends on who you are," Rei told him. "I appreciate what you did for Mana. But aren't you also a threat to them?"
"Aren't you also a threat to Shinji and Asuka?" Kaworu snapped back. He didn't seem pleased by what Rei was implying.
This made Rei hesitate. She knew she hadn't told them everything. She just couldn't. It was one thing to tell them she had been created, and from angelic matter, no less – it was their good right to know and base their decisions regarding her on that. They had accepted her, but it would also have been their good right not to. But this wasn't about Shinji or Asuka, this was about her own fears – about that facet of her identity that she had always tried to ignore as much as possible.
Have I endangered them with that silence? The Commander had always told her that the Scenario was a good thing for humanity, but Rei had long since realized that there was only one thing he cared about – reuniting with his wife. For years, Rei had simply accepted that fact. It didn't matter what motivated the Commander as long as he was, because the Scenario was necessary.
But with the Scenario completed there would be no discernible "Asuka" and no discernible "Shinji". And Rei… she wouldn't be Rei at all anymore. She would be her. And suddenly, now that she actually thought about it, Rei found the prospect of the Scenario ending as intended very frightening.
Am I a threat?
"I could be," she whispered.
"As could I," Kaworu admitted, but it didn't sound soft at all – rather, it sounded determined, even angry. "But I know about myself. I know what I can do and what I will do. I don't know about you. I can't say what you will do or might be able to do. You… you are an unknown threat to me. So I can only warn you: If you ever do pose a danger to those I love, I will see to it that this danger is removed. Do you understand?"
Rei just nodded and walked past him. She did understand, and she couldn't blame Kaworu. Maybe she was as much a threat as he was.
Kensuke watched as Kaworu hurried after Ayanami. What the hell is that about? Despite learning some of his biggest secrets, at times Kensuke did not understand Kaworu at all. Turning his attention to Shinji, he noticed how without Rei by his side, the boy seemed to wilt a little, as if nervous at the very thought of being without someone to lean on. Glancing around the room he also saw that they were mostly alone now, with the only other occupants being a group of girls huddled around Mayumi's desk to chat about something or other.
He didn't want to expose Mana or Rei; for both this would be a considerate threat. However, this environment seemed to be private enough, so he startedt to talk. "You okay?"
Shinji responded by trying and failing to force a smile. "Yeah... I guess I'm still getting used to things again. No offense but... your boyfriend is pretty weird."
Kensuke laughed. "You don't have to tell me."
Shinji seemed like he was trying to choose his words carefully. "I didn't know you were... well..."
Kensuke snorted a bit. "Yeah, I guess there are a lot more of us running around than I thought. I mean, Asuka and Ayanami..." Kensuke shook his head "Asuka and Rei were ah... well, a bit of a surprise. Still, always good to find out you are not as alone as you thought."
Shinji nodded "I know what you mean." His statement earned him an odd look from Kensuke so he put his hands up to clarify. "I mean about the... other thing."
"Oh, yeah. That was a pretty big shock, too. How did you manage it? If you don't mind me asking." From all Kensuke had seen, Asuka and Rei couldn't be more different. The idea of them not just cooperating but loving each other and Shinji as well? It was hard to picture.
Shinji sighed and looked at the ceiling contemplatively. "I don't know, to be honest. I guess events just sort of... drew us together. With all that has happened these past few months... It's just good to have someone who knows what you're going through. Someone you can trust. Or two someones. I think the three of us just sort of drifted together."
Shinji's words cut like knives into Kensuke's heart. He didn't mean it, but Shinji had pulled some of Kensuke's own insecurities to the surface. It was rare that Kensuke didn't worry that he'd never truly understand his loves and that that would cause what they had to come crashing down. "I can imagine. With us it was like... we just sort of jumped in, you know?"
Shinji turned a very unique shade of pink at Kensuke's explanation "You 'jumped in'? Does that mean you three..."
Kensuke could see where his friend was going. Waving a hand to cut off the thought, he spoke up, "Nothing like that. I mean we just... Well, I think we just felt that we had some... connection. And we decided to try and make it work. Whatever that meant."
Shinji smiled at the thought. "That sounds nice. With us, there was so much... ambiguity. It took so long for any of us to realize what we felt, let alone act on it. I kinda wish we could have made the leap you three did."
Kensuke sighed. "And I wish we had a bit more... grounding, I guess. Sometimes I feel so lost with this stuff. Like if I blink it will all be gone. You three have a foundation."
There was a silence between them for a moment. Both seemed to be trying to compare themselves to the other, as hard as that was. Eventually Shinji spoke up again, "You know, you're a far cry from the boy I met in that field."
Kensuke groaned as he remembered that night. He had been playing army boy when he had found a wandering Shinji. It was almost hard to think about. Ever since Touji had come to him after that battle, ever since he found out about Mana... so much of what he once loved felt... rotten in his mouth now. "That almost feels like a lifetime ago." He smiled as he looked at his friend "For both of us, I think."
Shinji went a bit sad. "A lot has happened. And I'm grateful that Rei and Asuka helped me, but..."
Kensuke could see Shinji's hands tremble slightly. "But?"
"It's just been... a lot," Shinji said a weight behind his words.
Kensuke could only imagine what it had to be like. He remembered what Touji had been like after his first battle. And Shinji had been in so many more. The boy had been on the front lines while idiots like Kensuke could only point and stare. He was very grateful that his friend had found some support in Asuka and Rei, even if he didn't truly understand it. He didn't want to imagine what his friend would be like without their care.
Trying to lighten the mood, he spoke up. "You know, I don't know if you know but... its Kaworu's birthday on Sunday and then mine the Monday afterwards, so... Touji suggested we do something. And well, with everything that has happened... I think we could use a party. I talked to Misato and well... she was wondering if you'd be up for it?"
"A party?" Shinji paused, apparently lost in thought. "I suppose..." It sounded uncertain. "I mean, the school day so far has gone rather well for me. I think I could stand a party. But... I've never really been to one."
Kensuke grinned. "Well, if we've proved anything it's that there's always room in life for firsts. It should be fine. I think it'll be me and my two plus you and your two plus Touji and Hikari." He worried a bit about what would happen with them but buried the thought. "It should be fun."
Shinji smiled. "I'm looking forward to it..." He scratched his chin looking unsure for a moment. "Are we just going to ignore that Mana kissed me?"
Kensuke nodded with all the dry conviction he could muster. "Yup."
Shinji swallowed. "Ah okay, just checking."
Asuka sat at the kitchen table, one arm on it, supporting her head, the other hand tapping on the table surface. She was still wearing the overly long shirt she had worn in bed, and frowned.
She considered cleaning the kitchen, but this clearly was Shinji's domain, and if he cared so much about it, why should she do anything? Besides, if she were honest with herself, she wouldn't quite know what to do, anyway. But the mere fact that she would even think about cleaning up showed the true problem: Asuka was bored almost to tears.
She had played video games, of course, for hours on end now. But that just wasn't the same anymore, not like it used to be. It turned out, it wasn't just comforting and reassuring to live with Shinji and Rei, it also was just flat out enjoyable. There had been times in the past when Asuka had played video games all day long, but then at those times she'd had nobody else – no family, no friends, no companions. Video gaming was all she'd had. But now…
Gott verdammt… Staying here alone is torturous. But of course that didn't mean that she was wrong to have Misato unenrol her from school. Of course not! After all, middle school was silly, and besides, she would have been just as bored in class. Of course, she would also have been able to see Shinji and Rei during breaks, and Hikari as well. Even Kaworu, Touji and Kensuke wouldn't be so bad; they had proven their worth.
It was strange. Upon reflection, she did have friends here… She shook her head violently, as if to cast off those thoughts. No. I have no reason to go to middle school! I have a college degree! She just hadn't yet found out what else she could do, but surely, sooner or later she would. Sooner or later… of course that meant right now she indeed had nothing to do.
She thumped the table with her hands and stood up. It was time to… to… to do something. She went into the sleeping room and got dressed. Everyone's at school or at NERV. Not that I'd have any desire to talk to Commander Paedobeard or the blonde bimbo. Though at least needling her would provide some entertainment…
...wait. Not everyone is away.
Thus, about five minutes later, Asuka was using the key to Misato's apartment she still had. And really, this was something she could do, at least. Mana surely was feeling lonely. The girl wasn't exactly her favourite person in the world, but Kaworu liked her, and Kaworu was a fellow pilot. So, Asuka could look after her a bit. Someone had to, after all.
When she entered Misato's kitchen, she found Mana wiping the table… but the girl immediately dropped her rag and turned towards Asuka, arms in front.
Asuka blinked. "Hey, no need to get all hostile! …that's a defensive stance, isn't it?" And a well-trained one, by the looks of it.
Mana immediately let her arms fall down to her side. "Ah… hello, Asuka! What are you doing here?" Her voice sounded gratingly high-pitched.
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "Well, you just moved in here." She raised her head high. "So, if you need any help, I'm sure I can do it."
Mana chuckled, but then quickly took on a serious face again. "Ah… that's very nice of you, Asuka. But I'm doing fine, really!"
"Is that why you're playing housemaid for Misato?" Asuka asked sarcastically and now finally came into the kitchen. I guess it beats playing seductress.
"It's just something I can do," Mana told her. "Misato has been so nice to me… have you never helped her with housework?"
"I pilot Evangelion," Asuka scoffed. "Why should I also do that?"
"Ah, right," Mana admitted. She now sounded much less chipper, and continued with a quiet voice, "You pilot Evangelion. You have something you can do…"
Part of Asuka thought, Damn right I do. It was only well and proper that Mana sounded almost envious about that. Though another thought, Ask Shinji about how bad it can be…
She felt she should say something, though, so she offered, "Weren't you a pilot as..."
She didn't get to finish the sentence. "I'm not going back there." There was a hard edge to Mana's voice. "Even if I'm totally useless otherwise, I just… I can't."
This sudden seriousness took Asuka aback a bit. "Are you stupid? Of course you won't go back. They won't get you." A cocky grin appeared on her face. "They'd have to through us, and we have EVAs."
Mana smiled, but then looked away. She didn't say anything, though, which caused an awkward pause in the conversation. Both she and Asuka just stood in the kitchen, near the counter, and were quiet.
Oh now you're shy all of a sudden… Asuka was kinda annoyed. She didn't like such awkward situations. So eventually, she spoke up, "So, hey, if you're sick of doing Misato's housework, how about you come over? Walking three doors shouldn't be too big a blow to our whole secrecy thing. We could hang out together, or something."
Mana blinked. Her voice was now dead serious, almost low – in any case, a far cry from her usual demeanour. "Why do you ask?" She sounded wary.
"Hey, I could just leave!" Asuka insisted and crossed her arms. "I just… I just thought I'd help you settle in!" She raised her head defiantly, but after a while added in a meeker voice, "…we could watch TV or play video games."
That seemed to catch Mana by surprise. "Uh, sure. If you say so." She grinned slightly. "Are you just as bored as me, then?"
"I just want to help you!" Asuka insisted, furious that Mana couldn't see that. As if I needed her…
Again, Mana was surprised, but then she giggled. "Okay then. Let's go."
Asuka sighed as both girls put on their shoes. Still the giggling schoolgirl at times… well, if Kaworu and Kensuke like that… She knew for a fact that Shinji didn't, and that was good.
Mana grabbed a light coat, put it on and drew it over her head. Asuka supposed it would serve as visual obscuration for a three doors walk, but it looked quite ridiculous. Maybe she and Touji can bond over ridiculous coats.
"Sorry," Mana apologized. "Misato said we'd dye my hair in the weekend or next week. Currently, she's too busy at NERV. She'll also get me some cosmetic glasses."
When they entered the pilots' apartment, Asuka realized she didn't quite know what to do. Her apartment, and an actual guest of sorts in it – she'd never been in such a situation. But of course, she couldn't show that.
"So. Make yourself comfortable, and all that," she hence said curtly.
"Uh, okay, thanks," Mana answered, and unsurely entered the apartment's kitchen.
Asuka looked around. The kitchen was clean and orderly; Shinji certainly was seeing to that. In fact, it looked almost like a clone of Misato's kitchen. The kitchen counter had a somewhat different configuration, and the chairs' wood had a slightly different colour, but otherwise it could have been the same kitchen. The sudden thought of how well Shinji and Mana would fit together, both apparently so enamoured with cleaning, came unbidden to Asuka and made her uncomfortable.
"Well, let's see what's on TV, right?" Asuka suggested. "If nothing else we can snark about soap operas." Asuka actually enjoyed some of them, but that didn't stop her from making snide remarks.
"Sure," Mana agreed.
As they entered the living room, a mostly empty space with just some pillows on the ground and a television set and video game consoles in one corner, Asuka remarked, "Say, what you did there back in Misato's apartment… that was a trained defensive stance, wasn't it?"
Mana looked away. "I received close quarters combat training. The JSSDF saw to that." It sounded bitter, but then her voice brightened up slightly. "Karate, mostly. Kicks and..."
"...hits," Asuka ended the sentence for her. "Just like me." When Mana looked at her oddly, she explained. "NERV Germany gave me martial arts training as well. Taekwondo, mostly, but that's also mostly focused on kicks and hits."
Mana giggled unsurely. "It's nothing I would have taken if the JSSDF hadn't grabbed me."
"I like my training," Asuka said bluntly. "It means nobody can touch me."
"...yeah," Mana agreed after some hesitation. Her voice was now low and serious. "That's true. And it's so simple. Just focus on your stance and your katas and apply them. No personal drama, no implants, no..." She trailed off.
Another awkward situation ensued, with both of them now standing in the middle of the living room. Finally, Asuka smiled. "You know, we have some space here we could use, if we're careful. Which do you think would fare better? Karate or Taekwondo?"
Mana's eyes widened. Then she grinned back at her.
This area of Tokyo-3 looked rather nice. The streets were quiet and almost empty, the apartment blocs were not overly large and there were nice gardens around them. Everything seemed well-maintained and clean, an impression reinforced by the bright sunshine falling from the sky.
Driving leisurely through the neighbourhood, the Major made a grim face. The perfect area for the perv to bring some women home to. She shook her head. Concentrate, Misato. You're on a mission.
She parked her blue Renault Alpine on the pavement, something she wouldn't be able to do back near her own apartment bloc. Rising from the car, she put on her sunglasses. She wouldn't need to walk in the sun for long, but it made her feel more comfortable. The NERV uniform she was wearing had the same effect on her.
She strutted up the apartment bloc's external stairs with a pointedly light gait, but her heart was thumping. She stood in front of a certain door for half a minute before finally ringing the bell.
Seeing Kaji's surprised face proved to be very satisfying, though. "Katsuragi. What are you doing here?"
Without awaiting an invitation, Misato pushed past him into his apartment. "Checking up on you."
Kaji looked stunned at first, but then switched back to his eternal grin, making light of everything. "Missed me, eh?"
Misato's heart threatened to jump out of her chest. She managed to keep her hands and her voice steady. "A bit." She undid her shoes and entered what seemed to be an absurdly oversized living room. She sniffed some air in. "Gods, Kaji, how much are you smoking in here?"
Kaji shrugged. "A lot, lately." She took a closer look at him. While always maintaining a gruffy facade, right now Kaji seemed to look even rougher than usual. He wore an open, grey business suit jacket, but it looked wrinkled and dirty. "I didn't expect anyone to come here. Welcome back to my humble abode, I guess."
Misato took off her shades and looked around. She saw the furniture, large seating cushions in the corner, a large TV set… She had been here before, but nonetheless she said drily, "Humble. Right."
Kaji shrugged. "You know how it is. When I signed the lease, I assumed Asuka would be living with me here."
Misato also noticed two trash bags in the corner, and looking over into the kitchen a table that still seemed to carry what was left of Kaji's breakfast. She knew such symptoms all too well, of course.
"Kaji..." she began, trying to get her nervosity under control. "How are you doing?"
That seemed to take the man aback. "I'm… I'm fine. Why?" Misato just kept staring. "No seriously, Katsuragi, I…"
"Don't bullshit me!" Misato hissed.
Kaji went to a seating cushion and let himself fall down onto it. He grinned at Misato, a sad and ironic smile. "So you know."
"I got a notification," Misato told him. It had surprised her – as of today, all access rights for Ryoji Kaji were to be suspended, as he was no longer active as U.N. Inspector.
The false grin on his face got more lopsided. "Guess I pissed off the wrong people."
"So what now?" Misato asked.
"I don't know," Kaji admitted. "Push on, of course. But for now… I guess I'll have to figure something out."
"Right," Misato agreed. She went over to Kaji's side, and sat down on the ground beside him. "Then let's figure something out."
"Katsuragi..." Kaji exclaimed. Finally, after a stunned silence, he caught himself and shook his head. "This doesn't concern you. Hell, I'd only endanger you."
"Maybe," Misato allowed. "But you're not getting rid of me so easily." He looked at her with furrowed brows. "That's what you told me, and… well, you were right. You looked out for me. It would be… well, it would be unfair to ignore you now. I… I try to be better than that, these days."
"That's nice, but… I got fired. That's all there is to it," Kaji claimed. "That happens."
"I told you, don't bullshit me!" Misato chided him. "I know better. Yes, you were never invested in the job – but in what it enabled you to do. Don't try to pretend otherwise."
Kaji smirked sadly. "And how'd you know that?"
Misato looked him right in the eye. "Because I know you… Ryoji."
Kaji opened his mouth, closed it again, opened it anew, closed it again. Finally, he chuckled drily. "You know Kaji, just as I know Katsuragi. Ryoji… Ryoji is a different story. As is Misato, I'm sure."
Misato got exasperated. "And don't pull this oh so mysterious and wise sounding bullcrap on me, either! You know about my father. I know about your brother. We both know what we… what we feel. You know why I ran away. I know what's so important for you that you've come to Tokyo-3. I'm pretty sure I do know Ryoji."
Again, there was a long, uncomfortable silence, during which Kaji… Ryoji… looked away. Finally, he spoke up in a grave voice. "That means I've made a mistake, letting someone know so much about me. That's just sloppy and unprofessional. I shouldn't have told you a damn thing."
Misato felt an icy fear grip her heart with its claws. "Does that mean…" When no answer came, she tried to stand up. "I see then. I'll…"
Suddenly, there was a hand around her wrist. Ryoji's hand. The ex-inspector was still looking away. "I shouldn't, but I couldn't have done otherwise. You always brought out my best side, Katsuragi."
"Is that so?" Misato asked gravely, now standing again. "You come back into my life, and make me realize how much I've fucked up. I don't think you need me. You did the right thing even without me. I… I think I need you."
Ryoji chuckled bitterly. He was still holding her wrist. "Oh yes, I'm so great at giving grand moral speeches. Yeah, that's a thing I can do, even without you. But without you… what sense does it all make? Giving such speeches, finding out the truth… using the truth, maybe…" He trailed off, before he shook his head again. "It won't be a happy end without you, Katsuragi. That's why I need you – to go on."
Misato knelt down in front of him. Carefully, she grabbed his chin, and slowly turned it towards her, so that he would look at her again. "That's not what you should call me," she told him softly.
Ryoji opened his mouth, but it took a while until something came out of it. "...Misato."
"Good boy," Misato lauded him with a smirk.
This is the end of the original last chapter.
Misato looked around the room, uncertainty in her mind.
She liked the idea of her charges having some fun together. A party had seemed like just the thing they could need right about now, after Arael, after all the tension inside NERV, after just all that had happened these past months. It would be good for Asuka, Shinji and Rei to also meet and see other people and interact with them. It would be good for Mana to see the positive, joyful sides of the world, not just force and duty. And finally, well, she had decided to more supportive towards the pilots these days. They had saved the world almost a dozen times already so far, after all; who was she then to forbid them a party?
So much for theory, anyway.
In practice, well… Eight teenagers, alone, all of them in romantic attachments. Hell, six of them in romantic attachements to more than one other person. None of your business, Misato… But in truth, it was difficult to escape that thought. Once this is over, should I maybe rent a steam cleaner?
Well, she could at least make sure that the party wouldn't slide into too much chaos. She had already packed a bottle of vodka, two bottles of sake and more Yebisu beer cans than she could count into a small basket – her booze reserve. Currently she was busy securing the back-up reserve. She knew there were two bottles in the kitchen, some cans in her sleeping room – not the empty ones, but an emergency reserve for if she couldn't make it to the kitchen – and… Oh! She quickly stepped over into the living room, and retrieved a small bottle from the small drawers the TV stood on. Nearly forgot that. My TV reserve.
The basket was already overflowing with bottles and cans. Misato sighed and got a cardboard box out of her sleeping room. She still had to secure her back-up back-up supply, after all. As the cardboard box filled up, a thought popped into her mind: Do I have a problem?
Finally, the box was filled, she was dressed, and had her keys in her pocket. She breathed out. That was it. She sent quick prayers to the kami of reasonable behaviour and restraint, though she was pretty sure their work on teenagers tended to be lackluster. Then she struck a bright face, even though nobody was around. Nah! It'll be a fun experience for them. Everyone should have one unsupervised party while they are still teen-aged. She hadn't had the chance after all.
It was quite a task to carry the box downward and stow it safely into the car. After all, it contained roughly a third of Misato's entire life quality; she had to be careful with it. When she arrived at her destination, she wondered if she should really let all that valuable booze sit here, outside, where just anyone could take it. She took a good, hard look at her car, and then shrugged. If somebody steals this, I'll ask Mr Suzuhara to sic his boys on them.
As couldn't be expected otherwise, Kaj… Ryoji was smiling as he opened the door for her. It was that annoying, infuriating Kaji smile, that seemed to make a mockery out of everything, that never seemed to take anything serious, that made it seem like nothing anyone said had an effect on him… that smile which also made her heart jump and gave him that incomparable rogueish charme.
"So, Kats… Misato," Ryoji began and then rubbed his neck. "You know, it still kinda feels odd saying that. We have called each other by our family names how long now? Ah, but come in." As Misato did, he continued, "So, finally found some free time from the children, eh? They're good children, but..."
Misato sighed. "Better children than I deserve, but they can drive one crazy. Especially with Asuka apparently having taken leadership over them."
Royji laughed. "You had hoped for Shinji to fill that role? Not as…" He stopped himself and rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Though I guess, give their current arrangements, I shouldn't speak of likelihoods." He grinned.
Misato had undone her shoes and hung up her jacket. Both now entered the living room. "A break from them will do me good, I suppose..."
"Look at us," Ryoji said. "Two old people sneaking away together from their kids to have some fun."
"I'm not that old!" Misato protested. "I'm not old enough to actually hav…" Ryoji just looked at her. Misato stopped. A terrible realization dawned upon her. "Most of my old classmates from college have kids by now."
"See?" Ryoji chuckled. Misato, still numbed by the realization, sat down on a basket chair in the corner. "Well, you'll get your break now."
"If I can stop worrying about them doing stupid things at their little party," Misato muttered.
Ryoji walked up to her and bend over her in her chair. "You, worrying? Now there's news. Showing your caring side?"
Misato looked away. Not that it did her much good, with Kaji's chest so close up to her. "Not just about them, you know…"
"I do," Ryoji answered softly.
Shinji was… nervous. Soon, everyone would arrive in the apartment. It would get crowded. And with that moment coming closer by the second, he wondered why he even had agreed to all of this. He had never been to any party, and he knew contact with people could exhaust him. Then again, he just needed to look at Asuka and Mana, who were sitting in the living room and talking enthusiastically about the upcoming event… Shinji smiled faintly. At least Asuka would have fun, and after all the time she and Rei had cared for him, he really owed her. After having her seen angry and bitter so many times, seeing Asuka genuinely looking forward to something made all the efforts and his nervosity worthwhile. And Mana really deserved such a party as well.
He was currently in the kitchen, checking again the food he had brought. He just hoped it would be enough; it had all been made last minute and preparing party food was different than cooking dinners for people and…. Something pushed against him.
"Ahah… Sorry!" Mana looked at him as in shock. She had a sponge in her hand. "Just wanted to make sure everything is clean here."
Shinji smiled faintly at her and then returned to his food, while the girl began to swirl around him, cleaning the counter, cleaning the table… He was quite sure she had already done all this.
Finally, he heard her chuckle in his back. "You can't quite sit still, either, can you?"
Another half-smile appeared on Shinji's lips. "I guess we have that in common."
And that was the last thing written for the "old" NME. See you at the redux version.