Caitlin stood in front of the window, mindlessly playing with her phone. She had thought over what John had said and had come to a decision. Now she just had to be brave enough to execute it. Stilling her hand, she let out a sigh. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear she unlocked the phone. Blowing out a long breath Caitlin open her contacts and called her doctor. Pacing the room, she stopped when she heard a voice at the other end of the line.
"Dr. Allen? Yes..yes, hi. How am I?" Caitlin closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm…not good."
Starting to pace again, Caitlin twirled her loose hair as she talked.
"To be honest with you-what happened to me…it's affected me more than I realized." Stopping at the window once more Caitlin looked out on the busy street.
"I know I was stubborn before, but do you happen to still have those recommendations for therapy and support groups?"
Caitlin sat stiffly in her chair. She was currently in a meeting room with a small number of other women. Counting herself, probably 10-15 total. A few seemed to know each other and were talking quietly. Others sat alone like herself. Caitlin had been fidgeting with her purse strap but her attention was captured when she saw a slightly older woman, probably around her mid forties enter the room and walk to the front. Offering a warm smile, the newcomer asked those who were standing to please take a seat before she faced everyone fully.
"Good afternoon everyone. I see a few familiar faces but for those who are new, welcome. My name is Dr. Linda Callahan." Resting her arms on the podium in front of her she continued,
"Why don't we have everyone introduce themselves?"
After a few women had introduced themselves, Caitlin realized it was her turn. Standing slowly Caitlin could feel everyone's eyes on her. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come out.
"I'm sorry…I can't do this. This was a mistake."
Turning to leave, Caitlin had only taken a few steps when she heard a soft voice.
"It's ok to be scared."
She froze. With her back to the room still, Caitlin heard the doctor again.
"It's ok."
Turning around slowly Caitlin's eyes started to fill with tears. Feeling something soft being pushed into her hand she looked down. A woman around her age was giving her a reassuring smile as she offered a tissue. Taking it with a small watery smile of her own Caitlin sunk into the closest chair to her. As she dabbed at her eyes Caitlin heard the doctor ask,
"What's your name?"
Sniffling a little Caitlin replied.
"Caitlin O'Connor."
Watching as the doctor rounded the podium Caitlin finally felt like she wiped all her tears away.
"Well Miss O'Connor, I promise you that everything you are feeling is alright. You are safe and you are among friends."
Hearing a murmur of agreement from the rest of the women in the room Caitlin gave everyone a small smile.
"Thank you."
Weeks began to pass by and it wasn't long until everyone, herself included, began to notice the slow change in Caitlin's demeanor and attitude. Caitlin's old self was starting to surface again. This support group was definitely a blessing. It had taught her that everything she was going through-everything she was feeling was ok. That it was valid. That she had every right to feel that way and that she was among people who understood and felt that pain with her. That they were helping to heal her.
Caitlin would still start every now and then at different noises but instead of having a panic attack she would be able to calm herself down by taking a few deep breaths and counting to ten. Her nightmares began to recede, only happening every now and then. And even when they did happen, she knew now that they weren't real. She even started to sketch again, something she hadn't done since before the show. Caitlin started to talk more, to laugh more and she even started to venture out of the flat a bit. One thing that continued to stay the same however was the way she dressed.
Sherlock mused over this as he watched Caitlin doze off on the couch. Before, Caitlin had always made sure her outfits were stylish. Even if she was just lazing about the flat for the day, she was always put together. Now though she had taken to wearing loose long sleeve shirts and/or oversized jumpers with lounge pants, even if it was warm out. She always made sure almost every inch of her was covered. Sherlock's concentration broke for a moment when Caitlin frowned in her sleep, a small whine escaping. Going to sit next to her he brushed some of her hair back and lightly ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek. As her expression relaxed Sherlock softly kissed her forehead before pulling a blanket over her. Standing Sherlock looked back at the woman he loved for a moment before grabbing his coat and leaving for the lab. Closing the door quietly he frowned as he headed down the stairs. Caitlin was ashamed of her scars.