Chapter 233 – Struggles (short)

Father Mark got up and walked into the house. Jack stood and pulled Elizabeth to stand with him. Jack leaned in and gave Elizabeth a quick kiss.

"I am sorry if you are uncomfortable." Elizabeth said.

"Don't worry about it." Jack said. "I will deal. Just know if I ask for a bit of space."

"Of course." Elizabeth said.

The couple shared another kiss, before Jack stepped away and started to put out the fire. Once the fire was out, they walked hand in hand back into the house.

"The fire was nice." Elizabeth said. "I mean the fireplace was nice, but the portable one was better. It was more like a bonfire like I read about in books."

"I didn't even know that we had a portable fireplace." Jack said.

"I think that Frank found it in the garage when he was getting more chairs." Elizabeth said.

"Answer me this." Jack said. "Prior to coming here, had you ever been to a bonfire?"

"Not really." Elizabeth said. "We had a fire at camp each night, but it was nothing like this. Bonfires and family time wasn't something my parents really did. Mother thought they were messy and didn't like the smell of smoke. She said it was low class entertainment and she was better than that."

"I am sorry." Jack said. "Bonfires are great and I can't think of a better way to enjoy family on a nice summer or fall night."

"It isn't your fault." Elizabeth said. "I am just glad that I get to experience bonfires with you."

Elizabeth squeezed Jack's hand and gave him a smile. Father Mark was waiting for them in the kitchen area.

"Ready to head downstairs?" Father Mark asked.

"Yeah." Jack said.

The trio walked downstairs together. Father Mark went straight to the guys bedroom. Jack stopped outside of Elizabeth's room. He turned her to face him.

"You aren't mad?" Jack asked.

"No." Elizabeth said. "You told him because you were concerned. Honestly if you needed to tell anyone, Father Mark is the one I would have chosen. I know that he won't say anything or embarrass me about it. I am glad you have him to talk to."

"You know that you can talk to him as well." Jack said.

"Yes." Elizabeth said. "I am still getting used to having people to talk to. Don't forget, we need to sit down and go over wedding details tomorrow."

"Looking forward to it." Jack said. "Maybe we can do that in the afternoon. I need to work with Bandit in the morning. I also want to see the girls ride Bubbles and Squeak. I am hoping Dr Matthews comes out in the morning as well so I can ride Midnight."

"Please be careful." Elizabeth said. "He has already thrown a rider."

"And I don't think it was his fault." Jack said. "He is young and reacted to a bad situation."

Jack leaned forward and kissed Elizabeth. She instinctively wrapped her arm around Jack's neck and pulled him closer. The kiss was getting pretty intense when Jack stepped back.

"I …." Jack rasped

He cleared his throat.

"I should go to bed." Jack said. "Good night."

Jack dropped Elizabeth's hand, turned around and reluctantly went to his room. Elizabeth watched him walk away and close his door. Only then did she go into her room. She took some time to write in her journal. She had found she had been sleeping better when she wrote before bed, no matter how tired she was.

Elizabeth reflected on everything that had happened over the weekend, even though she had written a couple of times already over the weekend. She realized she had taken a huge step forward in her life and it actually had very little to do with Jack and just was personal growth. The more that Elizabeth wrote, the better she felt.

Finally she came to write about the conversation with Jack and Father Mark that night. She wasn't mad at Jack for talking to Father Mark and she had told him as much. She was slightly embarrassed to be having that particular conversation with a priest, considering he was celibate. She shook her head and refocused her thoughts. She also realized that there were things that her and Jack did need to talk about and they were probably better done before the wedding night. She had been a little surprised that Father Mark brought that subject up, but then on the other hand she wasn't. It was his job to get them to talk about the hard topics. She knew that it was uncomfortable for all of them. Elizabeth only hoped that it would get easier to talk about the closer they got to the wedding, but she was thinking it was only going to get harder. She giggled as she thought about her choice of words and Jack. She knew that she wasn't being fair to him, but it was so hard to pull back and not push the boundaries.

Yes, technically she wasn't a virgin, but she also didn't have a good experience. She had heard plenty from Rosie and her girlfriends, but she wasn't sure how helpful some of that information would be. She also started to wonder if Jack had second-hand knowledge like she did. She wasn't all that sure given his background and his best friends. Elizabeth wondered if she would have to take the lead on the wedding night or would things seem to come naturally to them. Once again, Elizabeth had to stop herself before her mind wandered too far, especially as the image of Jack dripping wet in the pool playing with Cody popped into her head. When she had watched Jack and the other guys playing with Cody, she felt that stirring in her body again that she couldn't quite describe. She also felt a longing to make Jack a father and give him several children. She had never before felt like that. Yes, she had always wanted children, but there had never been a specific man attached to those future children. Now, she couldn't see herself having children with anyone other than Jack.

How things had changed in the last couple of weeks. Elizabeth also was beginning to understand more about what Jack was talking about when they had kissed under the tree the day before. She had stopped the kiss and pushed Jack back a little when all she really wanted to do was rip his shirt off and run her hands up and down his well defined muscles. She was getting hot just thinking about that kiss. She also knew she hadn't been the only one struggling with feelings. They had been so close, she had felt Jack's body react and was sure he had needed time to calm down as well, which probably explained why he walked her over to the fence and tried to change the subject to the horses.

Elizabeth took a bit more time to think about things and her mind got away from her. Before she knew it she felt like she was on fire and needed to cool down. She took a deep breath, closed her journal and headed to take a shower. Once Elizabeth had taken a long shower and cooled off, she left her hair wrapped in a towel and crawled in bed. It only took her a few minutes to fall asleep, but that didn't stop her thoughts from running away from her again.

… … … …

Elizabeth wasn't the only one struggling with thoughts. Jack had crawled into his bunk, but he had yet to calm his mind and body. The more that he tried to calm his body the worse he was failing. Between the conversation and the kiss that Elizabeth had given him, his body was on fire.

Finally frustrated, Jack quietly climbed down from his bunk. Both Nathan and Father Mark saw Jack grab a change of shorts and head to the gym. The two men looked at each other, but didn't move or make a noise. They knew that they would have to check in with Jack the next day, but at the moment, whatever it was, Jack needed to work it out on his own.

Jack quietly made his way to the gym. He closed the doors and turned the lights on. He went over and turned the air conditioner down several degrees. Jack went over and slid down the brick wall, sitting on the floor. He dropped his head to his drawn up knees. As much as he didn't want to, Jack couldn't stop the tears that came. Jack wasn't sure why he was crying, but he knew that he couldn't stop it. Jack figured it was just because of the emotional roller-coaster that he had been on the last month.

Twenty minutes after entering the gym, Jack was cried out. He got up and looked around. He saw the treadmill. He went over and started it up. He started slowly, but soon was running at a good clip. As he ran, Jack felt the anger start to leave him. Jack ended up running almost ten miles before he finally felt like he had regained some control of his emotions and body. After shutting the treadmill down, Jack walked over to the showers in the gym. He turned on the cold water and stood there until he felt better. He then peeled his soaked shorts off his body and washed up. After he dried off, he put muscle rub on his legs and hips. He then picked up his dirty clothes, turned off the lights and left the gym. He dropped his dirty clothes in the laundry room.

After all that, Jack still didn't feel like he could sleep, so he grabbed the headphones and turned on the TV. He stretched out on one of the couches and started flipping through the channels. He found a baseball game and started watching it. Jack tried to clear his head and not think about everything that needed to get done and he definitely tried to put Elizabeth out of his head for a bit. Two hours after he left his room, Jack's body finally relaxed and he fell asleep on the couch.

When Frank woke up about two am and didn't see Jack in his bunk, he was concerned. So after using the bathroom, he left their room and went to find Jack. He found Jack asleep on the couch. He saw a throw blanket on one of the couches, so he covered Jack and went back to bed. He didn't remove the headphones or turn the TV off as he didn't want to disturb Jack. If he had found it hard to sleep, the last thing that Frank wanted to do was wake him. Frank crawled back in bed to get a few more hours of sleep as they had set the alarm for six.

… … … …