Chapter 01

I don't sleep well. Averaging about three hours per night, I normally fall asleep around two o'clock AM and my alarm goes off at around five o'clock AM. So, I was not asleep at 11:30 PM on Friday night when my phone rang. That did not mean that I wanted a phone call. I was in the middle of a jigsaw puzzle. I don't mean that metaphorically. I was literally sitting in the basement of our completely silent house practicing the mindless zen of fitting little cardboard pieces together.

The sudden blare of the phone cost me a completed puzzle corner which fell into pieces when I knocked it to the floor. My Diet Coke almost spilled but was saved by sheer luck since it certainly wasn't my lightning quick reflexes. An athlete I was not.

I picked up the phone which read 'Shaggy'. This, at least, piqued my curiosity. I will admit that the idea of having a boyfriend and the associated appearance of normalcy had crossed my mind. And since the only two boys I every spoke with were Shaggy and Butch, I had considered each as a likely candidate. It should also be noted that my daydreams of such a relationship frequently started with a sudden phone call.

I hit the green button and spoke. You may be expecting a quote of me saying something here. That would be a logical expectation except that, faced with my schoolgirl fantasy possibly coming true, my throat locked up. I hate words. They have never done anything for me.

I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hello?" I sounded like a frog.

"Velma, is that you?" From the groggy voice at the other end, I knew he was stoned out of his gourd. This was not included in the daydream.

"What is it, Shaggy?" The words flowed freely now that I was irritated. Maybe that's my natural state.

"I think it's happening again."

"What's happening again?"

"Like… a mystery… I guess."

"What are you talking about?

"Me and Scooby were walking down Flounder Cove Road and there's a truck here that's being driven by a knight."

"Hold on. If you're right and this is another mystery, I better record it for the YouTube video." I set up my phone to record the conversation. "Now repeat what you just said."

"I said, me and Scooby were walking down Flounder Cove Road and there's a truck here that's being driven by a knight."

Of course, none of that made any sense. I needed to speak with someone more rational. "Put the dog on."

I pictured Shaggy holding the phone down so Scooby could speak into it. "Rello, Relma."

"Scooby, is anything Shaggy saying real?"

"Reah. Rounder's Rove Road. Truck. Knight. R'all True."

Shaggy's voice came back on. "See… like… true." I was losing him.

"What were you…" I was about to ask what he was doing walking along Flounder Cove Road but I didn't need to. Flounder Cove was a seedy little community where one might go if one wanted to purchase illegal substances-like the substances flowing through Shaggy's bloodstream right now. He had found a local dealer. Whoopie for him.

I tried again. "Explain to me what you found."

"I told you… A truck being driven by a knight."

"A truck being driven at night?"

"No. By a knight. King Arthur. Metal suit. Jousting. Round table. Maid whats-her-name."

"Marion." I corrected automatically. "Let me speak to the dog."

"Res, Relma?"

"This is true?"

"Res. 'Rue. There ris a knight sitting in the 'river's seat. Rye don't know why or how."

Shaggy's voice came back on again. "See… like… true." We had made it this far before.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know. Get Fred. Get Daphne. Get down here. Solve this mystery."

"Why on earth would I do that? Just call the Sheriff."

A long pause. "I'm not in exactly the best frame of mind to call the police."

He also wasn't in the best frame of mind to realize that he was calling the one person on his list who had not yet gotten their driver's license.

I looked at my jigsaw puzzle. Most of what was left was blue sky. It was Friday night. I was wide awake. And I was bored. "I'll call Daphne and see if there is a snowball's chance that she will be willing to be part of this craziness. If she will, then you and your frame of mind can hide in the woods while we call the sheriff's office and turn this over to them."

"Great… I'll hide in the woods." I doubt he got any of the rest of what I was going to do. I hung up.

It was now approaching midnight and I was about to call the most popular girl in school who probably thought my name was 'Irma'.

Daphne answered on the second ring and obviously had no daydreams about me. She jumped straight to irritated. "Velma, why are you calling me?" At least she got the name right. Kudos for that.

She also listened while I filled her in. Which was pretty surprising.

Then the real shocker came. "Sure, why not? I'll pick you up at your house in a few minutes."

Everyone else in the house was asleep and my parents were still pretty intense after the whole 'kidnapping' thing. So, I left a detailed note about where I was on the refrigerator. They kept telling me they wanted me to get out more. I'm not sure they meant after midnight.

I put on my coat and was waiting out by the street when shocker number two came. The car that pulled up wasn't one of the Blake fleet but was Fred's dad's sedan. And Fred was driving with Daphne in the passenger seat.

I climbed into the back seat with my phone videorecording. Fred turned to me. "What's the chance that the stoner is just hallucinating this whole thing?"

"I spoke with Scooby Doo and he confirmed it."

"Maybe the dog's a stoner, too."

Daphne was surgically applying lipstick. "I don't see it. The dog is pretty reliable. Let's check it out. At least it's a change of pace."

Shocker number three was that I seemed to have something in common with Daphne.

Thirty minutes later, we had driven almost to Flounder Cove when I called Shaggy back. It went to voice mail. I called again. It went to voice mail. I called three more times. Finally, Shaggy's groggy voice came on. "Quit poking me!" I assumed he was talking to his dog.

"Shaggy, where are you?"

His voice was a little clearer than earlier. "I fell asleep. I'm in the woods." Okay. Not that much clearer.

"You need to be a little more specific."

"There's a narrow gravel road next to the 'Party Naked' barn. You take it and the truck is about one hundred yards off the main road."

"How did you get a hundred yards off the road?"

"I don't know. At first, we dodged into some bushes so a passing car wouldn't see us and then Scooby started chasing something."

Within a few minutes, our headlights lit up Scooby Doo standing guard next to a flatbed truck with a large wooden crate. Shaggy was sitting on the back and hopped off when we approached. We all got out and, surprisingly, there was a suit of armor sitting in the driver's seat.

I continued filming with my phone.

I would like to tell you that the incredibly stupid jokes that Shaggy told were forced on us in post-production by the network when they converted our YouTube to the network show, but they weren't. Shaggy actually said them. He was still pretty high. The parts where I reacted as if they were funny were totally forced on me later. We signed a terrible contract.

Fred shined a flashlight all around the truck and into the cab.

Daphne stood next to him. "The stoner's right. This sure is strange."

Fred was thinking out loud. "What's an empty old suit of armor doing in the driver's seat of a pick-up truck. It's probably something someone set up for Halloween back in October and just left here."

I was at the rear of the truck and that didn't work. "The license plate is from Louisiana and was renewed last month and this truck is not old. No one would just leave it out in the woods."

Scooby was still sitting next to the driver side door. "Rud."

I still did not yet speak Scooby-ese well. "Rud?"

"Reah. Rye rell rud."

I looked at Shaggy. "What's he saying?"

Shaggy seemed to be trying to blink himself straight. "He said that he smells blood."

That got Daphne's attention. "Blood?"

"Reah. Ruman rud."

Fred opened the driver's side door. The seat underneath the armor was stained in brown, congealed human blood.

That part didn't make the edit into the kid-friendly Saturday morning version of the show.

We called the Sheriff's Office.