Summary: Sirius and Remus escape to the Forbidden Forest for a sneaky picnic. Trust James to join them. (SiriusRemus)

James the Third Wheel

"What the fuck did you just do?" Sirius shoved James out of the way, sending him head first into a nearby tree. "If you've broken anything on him, I'll kill you, James!"

Sirius knelt down in front of Remus as he started to sit up. "I'm fine, Sirius. Honestly. I tripped over my own shoelace."

Sirius continued to gently feel around his body, starting with the shins. "Show me where it hurts," he demanded, frantic hands now patted around the thighs.

Remus laughed. "You're tickling me. Stop it!"

Sirius pushed on, now around the groin area. "Are there any cuts? Bruises?"

"Sirius," Remus said with a small swallow, "are you trying to see if I'm hurt or feel me up?"

"Is that a proposal?" Sirius asked with a grin. He finally stopped his patting (more like manhandling) of Remus.

Remus took one of his hands and kissed the inside of his wrist. "I'm fine. Maybe a bruised ego over my inability to tie my shoelaces properly. What about James?"

They both looked to see James groaning by the tree. Trust him to invite himself along on a picnic in the Forbidden Forest. It was meant to be just the two of them.

"He's fine," Sirius said cheerfully. He went over to help him sit up. "See."

"What happened?" James asked. He rubbed at a graze on his forehead, the signs of a bruise already forming at the edges.

"Whoops," Sirius said sheepishly, kneeling to peer at it. "I might have been a bit rough with him."

"Sirius!" Remus moved quickly to look at the graze himself, kneeling on the other side of James. He straightened James' glasses, a chip in the left lens, and turned James' head to look at him. "How's the vision, Prongs?"

"HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?" Sirius shouted, flipping him off.

"Ugh, stop shouting," James moaned, "and you get off me." He tried to push Remus away but nearly slumped backwards into the tree again.

"Is it hurting?" Remus asked, smacking Sirius' hand away as it reached to poke the graze.

"Of course it's bloody hurting! If you wanted to kidnap me, you could've just said! I wouldn't have fought you… well, I don't think I would."

Remus frowned, slapping Sirius' hand away again. "James, do you know where you are?"

"You tell me." He touched his graze and flinched. "You're the ones who kidnapped me."

"Come on, he's messing about. We'll take him to Pomfrey, she'll sort him out." Sirius moved to haul James up.

James leant away from Sirius' reaching hand. "I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't know what you've done to me or who you are, but I'm not about to let you hurt me again!" he said indignantly, twitching on every other word. "Fuck, my head hurts!"

Remus sank back on his heels. "Oh, well done, Sirius! That's the second time this year you've made him lose his memory!"

Word Count: 491 words

Written for:

Yearly

- Insane House Challenge - 870. (trait) Obnoxious

- Musical - Classic Rock - Paradise City/Guns 'n' Roses: Why I'm here, I can't quite remember (used as inspiration)

Quarterly

- Banana bread: (word) ego (1)/(genre) Friendship (4)