DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe. This is my Mito, though.
Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Mito speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)
Emphasis
Bijuu, etc. speaking
Bijuu, etc. thinking
Ino's legs were burning as she moved along in formation with her temporary team. Mito-sensei had taken point, followed by Sai, who was directly ahead of her; Torune was in the rear. Ino had trained with teams 11 and 8 enough to know that for some reason, Torune's bugs or "allies" didn't tolerate Mito-sensei's chakra well.
Otherwise, Torune would be in the second or third position, and sensei would probably be in the rear, she thought to herself. It bothered Ino that she was placed between the boys because she was weaker than they were, whether Sai and Torune had once had not-so-secret ROOT training as children or not.
Ino wasn't sure what was wrong with Mito-sensei's chakra but there was definitely something very different about it. From a distance, Ino would characterize Mito-sensei's chakra as a cold but refreshing breeze but the closer one came to her, the hotter it felt. It wasn't really unpleasant; it was more like something golden and fiery - yet it somehow screamed of danger the longer she concentrated on it.
Considering that Ino had seen Mito figuratively tear into her ranking ninja patients who were being obnoxious or babies at the hospital, Ino thought it might just be her personality that said "DANGER."
Feeling eyes on her, Mito turned to check out her kiddies as they lept through the trees. "How ya doing, Ino?"
"I'm fine," Ino said shortly - although she was breathing hard.
"Why don't we take a break, huh?" The group followed the Jonin down to the ground and Mito led them in beginning cool-down exercises together, encouraging them to rehydrate. "Ino, do you sense anything out there? How far is your range?"
Ino wasn't sure and hadn't been expecting to be asked. Mito-sensei had a Kekkei-Genkai, her father had once surmised, that made her a powerful sensor. "Um… I can sense the entirety of Konoha from here if I'm still."
"That's excellent," Mito grinned. It really was, too. They had been moving fairly fast for quite a while so Konoha was well behind them. "Any potential threats in the area?"
"No. But north of here there are some… I don't know how far directly north I'm sensing the Chunin-levels, sensei: four of them." Asuma-sensei had never asked her to use her sensory abilities to do this before and her father didn't concentrate on long-range sensing when they trained together. Ino was perceptive, though, and noticed that her squad's body language seemed to relax a bit when she mentioned that there were four of them. –Which seemed odd.
"That's another patrol - and we're getting closer to the next outpost. Reach your senses out and see if you can feel the Jonin-level shinobis out there." Mito could feel Gai and his squad in front of them, on patrol, too. Tenten wasn't with them. She's probably with Anko.
Ino nodded and closed her eyes, unconsciously turning toward where she felt the most power but then looking back at her temporary sensei with a grin. "You're chakra's almost blinding sensei!"
Mito snorted and apologized. "Yeah, my chakra's whack."
Ino pointed a finger toward where she felt the other Jonins. "It's muddled but if I were to guess, I'd say that they're in that direction?"
"Very good! And your sensing range should only increase as you mature and train. That's the outpost we're heading to."
"We're not going there directly?" the blonde asked. She felt inadequate when Sai answered her question, even if he did it nicely.
"Sending patrols that cover the same ground could lead enemies to better anticipate our movements and thus infiltrate our lands, Beautiful."
"That's why we wait for a signal," Torune continued.
"Very good, you two," Mito nodded after getting a big drink of water. She knew that Kurenai did a LOT of patrol missions over the last several months with her team. "You guys drink up. Teams sent out on patrol usually have a sensor with them. All team captains are also required to know the various birds used for messaging."
"I thought sensors were rare," Ino voiced to herself out loud.
"Like the kind of sensors we are?" Mito replied. "Yes, but don't forget there are so many others out there. In addition to the Hyuugas' eyes and the Inuzukas' noses, if you've got a summons, they can be used as sensors. Plus your senses will eventually grow in whatever way when you have a summons, I think. Like, with my cats? I've noticed I can see better at night although that's nothing compared to what some people that summon birds can, potentially, pick up on."
"Oh, and you," Ino said from between her legs where she was stretching. "You Aburames are considered sensors."
"That's because we are sensors," Torune said dryly as he looked up at her. "So are our allies."
"Hmm. Which came first," Ino wondered.
"There is some evidence of genetic anomalies occurring in those with a summons that's been passed down from one generation to the next, statistically relevant over a series of generations. –Kinda concerning, really. I once had a dream about Naruto having children with a frog's throat sac: RRRRIBBIT. Mighta been his grandchildren. Not cool, man: not cool…" ALTHOUGH, Konohomaru really did climb around like a monkey and he was adorable! Mito grinned to herself just thinking about him but coughed when she realized that the kids were all looking at her as if she was insane. "Maybe I've said too much. …You guys are no fun."
"I'm fun," Ino exclaimed, seriously offended.
"Beautiful is the most fun," Sai said off-handedly.
Mito bit her lips to hold back her laughter as Ino looked like she didn't know whether she wanted to hug him or crawl into the earth and hide. Or maybe swat him. "Ahem. Sai, you and Torune spar it out and Ino, let's see if you can catch me with your whip. You boys stay alert and follow us. Stay within a quarter click."
"That's not fair!" Mito-sensei had the Hiraishin for heaven's sake and she was super fast even without it, Ino felt.
"We spar AND follow you?" Sai asked.
"Mito-sensei is afraid of having her butt kicked again. How do I know? She already plans to escape."
"Torune! You little brat! It's YOU Shino is learning all that back-talk from!" Mito would be glad if that were true. Shino had probably back-talked her twice, ever. His burns were more directed at Kiba than anyone. Torune's smirk (that wasn't hidden underneath that mask of his) was a little concerning, Mito would admit. "And anyway, the only reason you two got me is that you were working together."
"And, to use your words, sensei," Sai grinned fakely, "you are 'shit with a sword.'"
"That's it! Now you're all in trouble," Mito tried to glare, making three clones that began attacking them. They couldn't spar for long - they needed to maintain readiness but there was no use sitting around when so many friendlies were close by.
Much later that night, Mito healed the wounds they all had that Ino couldn't yet manage as they sat around a fire, north of the capital. Ino had whacked herself with her whip when she got a little carried away.
Ino fisted her tired hands. "It's so frustrating!"
"You're doing well, Ino-chan," Mito assured her. "If I weren't here, what would you do?"
"I'd definitely have to leave the tiny muscle tears alone."
"Microtears," the sensei reminded her. "That's how you grow muscle anyway." Ino looked like Mito had just made her suck on a lemon.
Mito looked up over Sai who was relaxing with his head against the roots of a tree after she healed his back. Ino had nicely healed a gash in Torune's calf that had to have hurt: the boys had gotten carried away, something she had not anticipated.
Mito guessed that Ino preferred pretty-boy, effeminate guys, considering Sai and Sasuke. She didn't get it.
Mito liked a man that was big, burly, and masculine. She wouldn't care if the guy was hairy. Or bald like Chiriku - as long as he didn't have a weird-shaped head like Asuma: yuck. Oh, who am I kidding? I'd probably jump anybody my age or older. Well, up to maybe age 35. It's not like Mito was interested in old men. Still. Like any of that matters. Even thinking that it did - or that it didn't - was sad, sad, sad.
Stop thinking about stupid stuff.
"What else?"
"I'd use traditional stitches and apply healing cream." Ino sighed as if it was the worst thing she could imagine.
"Sutures." Now it was Mito's time to sigh.
"Right. But I mean, it's not like Asuma-sensei teaches me anything!" The platinum blonde recoiled a bit when Mito-sensei slowly looked up and raised an eyebrow at her. She now looked quite menacing in this light.
"I refuse to believe that. And you still have a lot to learn at the hospital."
Oh right, how could Ino forget that Asuma and Mito-sensei saw each other as siblings? "I just get frustrated! Asuma-sensei's always playing shogi with Shikamaru and Shikamaru's so… so…"
"Shikamaru-kun's in a period of transition now, Ino. He went through what he thought was hell, from what I heard, after the Chunin Exams but then really learned what it's like to deal with the responsibilities and consequences of leadership on that failed mission he led. I betcha that he'll be a lot more serious in the future about his physical training - much like you've become."
"It doesn't excuse the fact that Asuma-sensei pays more attention to Shikamaru than he does me and Choji!"
"You work at the hospital AND with your father, right? Mito asked, trying to be reasonable. "AND you have a job at the flower shop. Choji works at the barbecue place and I'm sure that Kurenai's working his butt off right now…" And it's not like Asuma's here to defend himself.
These kids had no idea of how much work Jonins had to do. They had no idea that even on this simple mission, she was carrying intel that others would kill her for. –Not that they had a chance of getting or finding it on Mito, especially.
Seals were awesome.
Ino tried to imagine Choji training hard with the elegant, quiet Kurenai-sensei. "I doubt Choji's working hard with her," she sniffed.
"What do you mean?" Sai asked, feeling annoyed on behalf of his sensei. "What are you saying about Kurenai-sensei?
"I'm not saying anything about her," Ino lied. "I'm talking about Choji! And Asuma-sensei."
"Why don't we converse about our worst missions thus far?" Torune interrupted. "Why? Because you are annoying Mito-sensei and making us angry."
"Wow," Mito laughed. "That does pretty much sum it up, doesn't it?"
.
It was around 0200 when a hawk swooped down, alerting Mito that it was time for them to move. She happened to be on watch then and woke up the boys.
Ino wouldn't go to sleep without trying to weasel information out of Mito about Asuma's "true relationship" with Kurenai. Mito could keep her mouth shut forever. Their relationship was none of Ino's damn business. Since Ino was being a brat, Mito made her do her terrible hair.
Now, style-wise, they both had their hair up in matching twin buns. Ino was GREAT with hair. Mito wished that she could see her own. Ino said she looked beautiful but that was hard to believe. She appreciated it, nonetheless.
Sai used an earth jutsu to cover their campfire and another to ensure that their campsite now looked like no one had been there. Mito sighed heavily. "You guys stay close and aware, alright?"
"Hai!"
Traveling at night with a bunch of Genins was no fun. Mito had a bad feeling about it.
Mito's squad arrived just outside the assigned outpost and her eyes went wide, her pulse quickening.
Uzumaki Kushina's chakra was all over the ground and in the trees: it was "light" but it was definitely there. Mito was almost afraid to step through it in case it would fade away.
"Oh my God," she whispered in something of a choked laugh.
"Sensei?"
"Sensei?"
"Sensei?"
A hand grasped her shoulder and Mito sucked in a breath, flinching when a thumb pushed a tear from her cheek.
"Sensei?" Ino asked again softly. Mito-sensei was so… cheerful but hard and whatever had spooked the Jonin scared her.
"Sorry guys!" Mito tried to chirp. "I haven't been to this particular post." She ran her hands harshly over her tear-streaked cheeks, taking a deep sniff before offering a watery smile to her students. Mom's chakra was just so unexpected!
She tilted her head and put her hands on her hips as she looked up at the treehouse, becoming worried. Yes, there was a privacy seal that her mom had apparently placed on the area, long ago, but that was no reason for her team not to be greeted/pounced on. "You guys hang here for a sec." She pushed out a kunai and hopped up and into the treehouse.
An Inuzuka hound began barking, alerting his partner who was looking through binoculars in the opposite direction. "Oh! Holy shit!"
"Hey," Mito drawled over the funk that was blasting loudly from a boombox. She gave him a wavy salute of sorts. "You were my rescuer, eh?" This guy was the one who carried her back to Konoha after she'd been in that cave-in! She couldn't remember whether they'd been introduced properly that day.
"Ah! Hime-sama," he said, blinking rapidly and pressing pause on his cassette player. "Holy sh… crap."
"Dude! One: thanks for rescuing me, very much, but two: I thought something bad had happened up here."
Gaku sighed and slumped. "Yeah…"
Mito grinned as much as she could. "My mother put a seal down that covers the area, eh?"
"So it's still in place," Gaku said more than asked with a chuckle. "She did. Kushina used to like to sneak up on us. For a second…" He couldn't say it. For a second he saw his good friend's deceased wife when their daughter surprised him.
"Well that's better than you being unconscious up here or something," Mito shrugged. The seal must have had a blood component in it that allowed her to walk right into it because Mito could still feel the wards there. She petted the man's ninken who had been so anxious for attention that he jumped up, his paws on her shoulders. "Hi there, big boy!"
"Inuzuka Gaku, hime-sama. Get down, Bei!"
"Oh God; please don't call me that."
"And this is one of my excitable partners, Bei."
"Nice to properly meet you both!" Bei got down, his tail thumping against one of the chairs and moving it forward. "I've uh… got something for you." She turned away and tapped a code into a seal on her arm that contained a ton of medical supplies before pulling the scroll out of another seal in the middle of some gauze. "Here ya go."
He took it and tossed it on the desk that was built into the post. "Hokage-sama's letting you out again then?"
"Ha." Mito crossed her arms over her chest. "I guess. I think he knows how pissed I'll be if he keeps me locked up."
"You do sound like your mother," Gaku said under his breath. He noticed that Mito beamed. Cute.
"Can I have my team come up?"
.
Ino was the only other person who hadn't been at this particular outpost so Sai and Torune stayed on the ground while the Genin kunoichi nosily snooped around. Gaku wasn't holding back as he explained how each of "over 50" posts like this assigned incoming teams or returning shinobis to certain (general) routes as they moved to patrol Konoha or Hi no Kuni. He showed Ino an example of the orders that filled narrow file boxes he had to rotate through to keep the borders covered but sighed when a raven flew in with orders to change his rotation.
"Man, I don't know what I was thinking, asking your father to send me out here," Gaku sighed as he flopped into one of two wooden chairs.
"What were you thinking?" Mito asked. These outposts were normally manned by Chunins. Gaku was a Jonin and had been for decades from her understanding.
"I was in the doghouse with my wife and wanted some fresh air. –And to keep getting paid."
"Ah." Mito understood, eyeing the partially open scroll she'd delivered on behalf of her village leader. She rubbed her temples when she saw her father's handwriting and the beginning of a dirty joke she'd heard from Tsunade recently. Really, Tou-san? –THAT'S what I was delivering?! Embarrassed, she moved in front of it before Ino could see it. Gaku handed Mito her next route. "We'll get out of your hair. C'mon, Ino."
It wasn't until the following night when Mito had the kids doing target practice (each with a torch to light up his or her target) that she felt that anything might be wrong. She flashed to Sai and Ino, surprising them as she moved to huddle them together, closer to Torune. "Torune."
"Hai, sensei." He took off one glove and sent his allies out to scan the area.
Ino's eyes were wide and she caught Mito's eye. The Jonin tried to grin at her but only shrugged her shoulders in the end. "Something feels weird," Mito failed to explain. "Sai."
Sai whipped out a long scroll and began painting. "On it, sensei."
"I thought I was the mind reader," Ino joked awkwardly. She wanted to help, too, because suddenly she felt nauseated; as if something was pressing down on her.
"We often train together," Sai explained as his little ink creatures took off into the forest.
Mito blew out her cheeks and made four clones that jogged off in different directions. It just figures that someone might be stalking us at night. She signaled the kids: "Jonin level" to stay on alert even though Mito didn't know quite what she was feeling - aside from a lot of chakra.
Oh God, please don't be that black-and-white Mokuton plantman again! No, it couldn't be him. That guy's chakra she hadn't even recognized AS chakra. "Let's collect your weapons before we turn in for the night," she said, hoping to sound tired as the signature came closer.
They gathered Ino's weapons first and the blonde picked up the torch that she'd attached to a tree, hoping she wouldn't be forced to eventually use it as a weapon. She sucked in a breath as she felt more than heard something move in the distance. "We're being watched," she whispered.
"I'll fight with all I have to protect you," Mito said firmly, just loud enough for all the kids to hear. "I promise that on my life." They moved to collect Torune's shurikens and kunais next before moving to gather Sai's.
"It's an animal," Torune finally said. He listened in as his allies tried to describe what they had detected; it was oddly confusing.
"An animal? –That's gotta be one big fuckin' animal," Mito growled, not agreeing with that synopsis. "I guess it could be an enemy's summons," she whispered. The thing's chakra signature proceeded to follow their movements but stayed just as far away as it had been, exactly. Signaling the kids again, the boys moved to set up an ambush near the campfire they'd earlier built. Mito heard a squeak and a POOF in the opposite direction as one of her clones was taken out. The clone's memories came but they were of no help: the area it had been in was too dark and her doppelganger had been hit from behind. Idiot clone.
Mito cleared her throat once half of the campsite was lit up with the torches, the other half shrouded in darkness. They'd been being watched for nearly a half hour. She'd already let the kids know that they had enemies on both sides. She bit her thumb, summoning Kei and Anna - neither of whom were happy to have been bothered. "Yo," she whispered. "We have enemies on each side." Anna immediately dispelled but the lynx trotted off. Mito was pretty sure that Anna was pregnant and wasn't that a surprise? "We obviously know you're there. C'mon out, fucker!"
Nothing.
"If you'll watch my body, I'll see what we're up against, sensei." Mito-sensei reluctantly nodded at Ino, gesturing in the direction she had HOPED to send the lioness who'd taken off, and nodded at Sai who took a spot close to Ino.
Sai, Ino guessed, had seen Shikamaru do this often enough in their group training. "Shintenshin no Jutsu."
Ino fell into Sai's arms and began violently shaking. "INO GET BACK HERE!" Mito might not know everything about Yamanaka techniques, but she knew that wasn't normal! An enraged growl came from both sides and all of their eyes went wide at seeing some kind of huge… wolfman come flying at them. As Mito went rolling to the ground, holding the thing's jaws open as it tried to snap its vicious fangs on each side of her face, she heard Kei's sharp cry. Infuriated that something had hurt the lynx, she pumped more chakra through her arms and pulled the sharp teeth in each direction. It fell back, whining and making terrible noises and Mito flashed back to her team. Torune was battling a… something that was rolling around and howling in pain; Ino was barfing and Sai was trying to defend her from a… bear-man?! "What the actual fuck?!"
She ran at the bearman and punched him into the sky before turning to Torune who'd just fallen to his knees.
"Sensei," he muttered as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He passed out.
"Shit." Mito looked up and shook her head at the huge snake summons that appeared in the dark. "I shoulda known." She sent chains out in both directions - right through a probably furious Manda who dispelled (or hopefully died) - as she moved to ensure Torune and Ino were alright.
A giant ass with legs came flying out of the dispelled snake, running around and hissing. It had arms that were hanging helplessly off the sides; no eyes, no head... "KAI!"
Nothing! This was really happening: it wasn't a genjutsu. "Motherfucker!"
WHAT the hell had Orochimaru been doing to people now? Kiba had first told her about those he and the other kids had battled when they were trying to retrieve Sasuke - and of course, Mito had once "worked on" the traitorous Academy sensei, Mizuki, whom she'd accidentally turned into a tiger-man. She put up a barrier of chains around herself and the kids and proceeded to heal Ino, who didn't need much. "Ino, I need you to check Torune for me."
Ino shakily got to work. "Wh-what are these and what are we going to do?" She looked up at the hissing… butt-person and shivered all over. "Those things… their minds are just… gone! They have a brain or a brainstem but it's all… primal instinct."
Mito sighed. "I'm gonna beat the shit out of 'em and then seal 'em. Torune?"
Ino stared at the woman, a little horrified - but also wanting to see the beat down. She'd never seen Mito-sensei or Tsunade-hime go all out before, even with each other. "He's chakra exhausted."
Mito would've rechecked the Aburame teen, herself, had she not wanted to hurt his hive. By the time the sun began to rise, Torune still wasn't awake but the bear-person was back and growling at them even though he had a big hole in his gut. Mito also thought Assman had been dead but his chakra was slowly building and he seemed much more aware and deadly now. When another summons poofed into existence in the distance at the same time the wolfman rose up, his jaw hanging off his very disfigured face, Mito decided it was time to get to work. "I'm sending you back to Konoha."
"I can fight beside you," Sai insisted before lowering his head. "But you'll be forced to protect us."
Mito didn't respond to that but agreed with his summarization. "How about you give me an ink golem on your way out." Sai eagerly agreed and began painting on a large scroll. She ordered Ino to shut up.
"I've gotta tie you up. Otherwise, I could destroy the rest of Torune's hive." Considering that Mito had felt Torune's poisonous little buggy friends dying by the hundreds as they fell off Assman, she was extremely worried about him. Ino complained but Sai grabbed her hands. Mito began wrapping the kids up in her softest sturdy rope: one like those she used on troublesome patients a lot. "Sorry. On the count of three, okay, Sai? –This is gonna suck and… I've… never done this before."
"WHAT?" Ino nearly shrieked. What was this crazy Jonin doing?
"I trust you, sensei," Sai said firmly, one hand holding Ino's tightly and the other pressed against the scroll he'd be leaving behind.
Ino felt even worse when it looked like Mito-sensei might cry. "I can't believe I let you do this!"
"Thank you, Sai," Mito sniffed. "Don't worry: okay? I'm gonna seal them."
- "OKay!" Mito chirped a few seconds later, convincing herself that this was for the best. "As soon as I drop the barrier I'm sending you off, ne? Report in for me! A team will need to take our place. You know where we're at?"
"Um, yes?" both conscious kids said at the same time.
"Good! One, two, three." Mito's chains fell, Sai pushed a ton of chakra into his scroll, a double-ink golem lept from the scroll to aid Mito, and the monsters began to run at them - Bearman getting stomped into the ground by the ink golem. Ino shouted as Mito-sensei's chakra was pushed into her and Sai: one of her hands on each of them. Her head was thrown forward and harshly knocked into Sai's, knocking him out.
Ino felt like she'd just been sucked through a straw! All she could see were the stars threatening to take her consciousness away.
A second - or maybe minutes later - Ino wasn't sure, she heaved for air and puked on both boys she was tied to as Kotetsu ran toward them, gaping.
"What the hell?" the Chunin asked. His partner ran up beside him, quickly untying the kids.
"Oh God, I can't move," Ino moaned, feeling terrible that she'd ralphed all over her temporary teammates and even worse from whatever that red and blonde-haired crazy person had done to her. Her head had also hit Sai's so hard, she had to have a concussion. "Mito-sensei's in trouble!"
.
The thrill of the hunt, Mito insanely thought as she pursued the Assman who just wouldn't die. He was surprisingly evasive and very fast.
She'd earlier managed to take down the huge bearman by tearing out one of Orochimaru's snake summon's big, long fangs and piercing him with it, and then nailed that tooth down deep, deep into the earth with her fists, right through the bear… person.
Her more rational clone had gone back and sealed him as the snake dispelled.
Mito was a dirty, slimy mess. Fighting that quick snake summons had been a bitch. Fortunately, the wiggly asshole had unintentionally helped her when the snake's tail nailed the bearman after he got up.
Wolfman apparently had a sense of survival because early on, he had taken off running while holding his jaw on and whining and whimpering. It was terrible. Mito's clone was in hot pursuit of him.
Assman was getting closer to a body of water and once there, he had no hope. Mito was already calling the water to her, whipping it around herself and the poor thing, tripping it, and occasionally shoving water or wind chakra through its enormous upper body in large spikes or gusts. She'd taken off one of its legs (producing no blood which said a lot) but it didn't slow down. Now it was low to the ground and running on its hands and remaining foot like a wounded animal. "Stop and I'll give you a painless death!"
She'd shouted it. Mito wasn't sure whether or not the beast could hear. But just in case Ino was wrong and it could…
The thing began running across the water. Mito viciously threw a kunai enhanced with wind chakra at it and teleported, slapping the thing with a paralysis seal at the same time she kicked it deep into the water before doing as she'd promised. She had had to drag it to shore. Grossing out over how it looked close up - and the smell now coming from it - Mito dried herself and the thing off with a wind jutsu. She made a much larger body scroll on the fly.
Mito's follow-up clone plastered paper chakra suppression seals all over the thing, just in case he got up again, before sealing it away and dispelling. Mito put the body scroll in her Jonin vest. "Geez. One more to go, I guess."
Mito flashed to her nearby incoming clone but buried herself - in a big water bubble for extra protection, no less - when she found herself in the middle of a huge, exploding fireball.
Digging herself out of the ground moments later, she grinned up at her "attacker."
Asuma fired up a new cigarette since he'd spent his last one setting his ash jutsu aflame. "Damn. Did you see that thing, Imouto?" He bent down and reached his hand out to help haul Mito's filthy ass out of the ground. "I swear to God, it was a Wolfman! Just like in your terrible novels!"
"Ha! I'm so glad you're back! –Oh man, I've gotta check on the kids! And my summons!"
"Yeah, speaking of your summons," he mentioned and pushed Mito's head so that she tumbled back into her hidey-hole. Asuma had NOT appreciated that cheetah showing up and almost blowing his cover in Tokyo. The way Mito was pouting up at him now was also ridiculous. "Later! –You smell like ass, by the way."
"Hey wait! I'm sorry about Shin! And there's a reason I smell like ass, 'ttebane." She hopped out of the pit she was in. Seconds later, Asuma returned as Mito was brushing the dirt off (and who knows what else) of herself, his eyes narrowed at something behind her. Mito turned and pushed out another kunai. "Well, hell."
Asuma took a deep drag of his cigarette. "What have I just walked into?" What looked like a summoning circle had unrolled in front of them. And where did that wolfman's body go?
"I guess these are greetings or gifts from Orochimaru?" Asuma gave Mito a deadpan look but a huge snake did poof into existence, directly in front of them. "Ready to let loose, Aniki?"
"I guess," Asuma sighed. "You or me in front?" Mito unhelpfully shrugged.
The loyal Konoha Jonins both took an unintentional half-step back when the snake began violently coughing. He ended up hacking up a toad before dispelling.
Mito ran to the toad, hoping to help him. He had to be a summons…
"Shit," Asuma cursed. "That's not a dire warning or message, is it? –A snake swallowing a toad?" He turned just in time to be tackled, end over end, by a seriously roasted but somehow alive and very feral wolfman that had no jaw.
"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"
A lion pounced on the wolfman, tearing it to shreds and away from Asuma.
Asuma pulled the still-burning but bent cigarette out of his mouth and sat up. He had to look away so he wouldn't laugh at the state Mito was in. She was a disgusting mess but her hair was… EVERYWHERE and yet she had what looked like knotted yellow and red devil horns made from more of it coming out of the top of her head. "Well shit. 'Welcome back to me,' huh?"
Mito and Asuma both gagged when the toad expelled an expertly wrapped, slimy present.
"You've gotta be shitting me."
"Well, your birthday is this week, Imouto."
"What the hell?!"