*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Nintendo, Intelligent Systems, or Universal Pictures.*

An idea came to me last year. One that seems so brilliant in its relative simplicity.

What do you get when you mix one of the most popular recent Fire Emblem entries...with one of the most (if not the) iconic college comedy films ever made?

The answer:

National Lampoon's Fire Emblem: Five Animal Houses

The Setup:

A more satirical take on the 'academy phase' of Fire Emblem: Three Houses that sees Garreg Mach as home to not just three student houses-Black Eagles, Blue Lions, and Golden Deer-and the unofficial 'fourth house' in the Ashen Wolves, but with the addition of a fifth. The one with a reputation almost as bad as the Ashen Wolves.

The Verdant Varmints, whose animal symbol is a rodent of indeterminate species classification.

The Students:

The students of the Verdant Varmints are, like the Ashen Wolves, an eclectic mix of faces from all three major powers on the continent of Fodlan. (They're also essentially the Deltas transplanted to a Fire Emblem setting.) The more prominent members include:

-Erich "Otter" Von Stratten - house leader and handsome, confident 'ladykiller' more notorious than Sylvain and Lorenz combined (also on good terms with the former while the latter finds him disdainful). Casual friends with Claude and Yuri due to their mutual penchant for scheming. Class progression: noble - myrmidon - lord - hero

-Donal "Boon" Von Schoens - everyman student of the Verdant Varmints, has a casual friendship with Dmitri, Dedue, Raphael, Ignatz, Caspar, and Bernadetta, who he looks out for (in particular) like a little sister. Boyfriend of fellow Verdant Varmint student Katya, though their relationship can be as rocky as that of Ferdinand and Dorothea or Sylvain and Ingrid. Class progression: noble (minor house) - soldier - cavalier - paladin

-Katya - one of the resident magic-users of the Verdant Varmints, and girlfriend of "Boon". Mutual friends with Dorothea, Ingrid, Annette, Mercedes, Hilda, and Petra, casually acquainted with Edelgard, Marianne, and Hapi. Her relationship with "Boon" can be best described as a series of peaks and valleys. Class progression: noble (minor house) - monk - mage - warlock

-Roberto of House Hoover - the most straitlaced of the Verdant Varmints, an affable, kind young man who does his best to respect others. The other main magic user of the Verdant Varmints. On friendly terms with fellow study-hards Lindhardt, Lysithea, Annette, Ignatz, and Ashe. Class progression: noble (minor house) - monk - priest - bishop

-Johann "Bluto" Blutarski - the wildman of the Verdant Varmints. Rude, crude, and not as bright as his fellow students, yet is the one who initiates new recruits into the house. Frequent sparring partner to Raphael, Leonie, Ingrid, Caspar, Felix, Balthus, and Dmitri, who in spite of Johann's attitude has great respect for his unorthodox fighting style. Class progression: commoner - fighter - brigand - warrior

-Daniel "Doombringer" Simpson Day - the most skilled horseman of the Verdant Varmints, as well as an expert on building siege weapons (which earns him the respect of Claude and (begrudgingly) Edelgard). Class progression: commoner - soldier - cavalier - paladin - bow knight

-Laurence "Pinto" Von Kroger - newest initiate into the Verdant Varmint house, alongside best friend Kent "Flounder" Van Dorffmann. Casual friends with Ignatz, Ashe, and Caspar. Winds up developing a relationship with Flayn (much to Seteth's chagrin). Class progression: commoner - myrmidon - archer - sniper

-Kent "Flounder" Van Dorffmann - like best friend "Pinto", newest initiate into the Verdant Varmints; also something of a legacy member, as his older brother Frederick was a member during his time as a Garreg Mach student. Gets along well with the 'big eaters' of Garreg Mach (Raphael, Ingrid, and Caspar) as well as with Marianne and Bernadetta over their shared status as gentle souls. Leonie, Raphael and Caspar help him get in shape for his class certifications. Class progression: commoner - fighter - armored knight - fortress knight

Roles of Certain Established Characters:

-Seteth - the 'Dean Wormer' of the story, though less authoritarian.

-Manuela - the 'Marion Wormer', to a lesser degree. (Allows for little variations on iconic Animal House lines like "You can take your thumb out of my rear any time now, Hanneman.")

-Death Knight/Jeritza/Emile - the 'Doug Neidermeyer'. (Picture what happens to him because of Otter and Boon's little game of golf...)

-Edelgard - a rough expy for Babs. Has a great amount of ire focused on Otter since the two of them used to date.

-Hubert - a rough expy for Greg Marmalard

-Constance - a rough expy for Mandy. Also an ex of Otter's. (For those wondering, Dorothea was also an ex of Otter's.)

-Randolph - a rough expy for Chip Diller

Rough Outline of Plot:

As stated, a more comedic version of the 'academy phase'. Jeralt and his twin children, Byron and Byleth (known in most merc circles by their collective nickname the 'twin Ashen Demons'), save Edelgard, Dmitri, Claude, and Erich from bandits, and are subsequently brought back to Garreg Mach. Jeralt resumes his post as Captain of the Knights of Seiros, while the twins become the academic leaders of two of the houses on campus. Byron chooses to oversee the Blue Lions, while Byleth, to everyone's surprise, chooses the Verdant Varmints. Byleth, in this role, finds herself challenged beyond what she imagined, between "Otter's" charming slyness and "Bluto's" comically berserk antics, among other things; yet over time, this Ashen Demon learns to really cut loose and have fun thanks to her charges.

Of course, the antics of the Verdant Varmints draws the ire of Seteth, who seeks to find a way to put the house of 90% troublemakers in their place for good. All the while, the Verdant Varmints stumble onto the respective machinations of Edelgard, Those Who Slither in the Dark, and even Archbishop Rhea herself. It all comes to a head when, on the day that Edelgard (with backup from Thales and co.) attacks the monastery and Rhea leads the rest of the Knights and the student body in its defense...the Varmints ruin everything for both sides when they completely disrupt the battle in a mightily comedic climax.

Rhea (flatly, on seeing "Bluto" pop out of the Varmints' unconventionally-designed mobile siege weapon, in full warrior attire): "Oh my goddess."

Seteth (resignedly, as "Doombringer" drives the weapon towards the Church and Empire leadership at ramming speed): "I hate those guys."

Thales (also resignedly): "For once, we agree on something."

The sheer absurdity of what happens is enough to finally crack the stoic façade of Shamir, who bursts out laughing at what the Varmints did to the flow of the battle. And as an added tidbit...even Kronya gets a better comeuppance.

[Thales and Kronya emerge from the debris of the platform all were standing up on, groaning and getting their bearings. Edelgard, being held by the back of the collar by Rhea, decides that if she's going down...then she's taking the folks who ruined her life with her.]

Edelgard [pointing to Thales: "HIM! It was all him, he killed Arundel Von Volkhard and took his identity! Ordered the experiments that gave me two crests and killed my siblings! He's also behind the Insurrection of the Seven and the Tragedy of Duscur!"

Thales [furious on hearing this: "WHAT?! YOU IMPUDENT LITTLE-!"

Kronya [rolling her eyes: "F* it, Thales, forget it! It's done, we're screwed, be glad it can't get any worse."

New voice: "THERE SHE IS!"

[Kronya freezes on hearing that voice, before turning around to find herself facing the real Monica Von Ochs, dirty, a bit haggard, and presently stripped to her dainties from being imprisoned in a dungeon for as long as she's been. Monica is accompanied by a number of Church soldiers.]

Monica: "That's her! That's the bitch who kidnapped me and stole my identity!"

Kronya [looks towards Thales and the others awkwardly: "...Oh, sh*. Well, Thales, it's been fun, sayonara!" [Abruptly gets up and starts running, Monica giving chase while firing off all manner of offensive spells after her.]

Well, folks, whaddya think-does it have potential?