Author Note: This is my first time publishing fanfiction so please forgive me for any spelling/grammar errors.
Every chapter I will include song lyrics that I think relate to the story (or that I just really like)
rated M for character death, gore, eventual lemons, and other possibly triggering subjects.
This is a Severus/Hemrione romance if you are not a fan of this ship then this fic is not for you.
Hermione is over eighteen in this story.
Anything you recognize is not my own, I make no money off of this and all that.
I hope you enjoy! And reviews would make me very, very happy.
Oh, I'm sorry I broke
Never forgive me
Your love is the hopeless light that I need
To remind me I'm living
And that I still need it
You pulled me together
With blood and soft stitches
You're proof that I'm breathing
And that still need
To be loved
Keaton Henson- the pugilist
The hospital wings of Hogwarts was bathed in the moonlight flooding in through the large windows. It was quiet, the only sound, the wing whistling through the ancient stone of the castle. The light of a wand filtered through the layers of privacy curtains surrounding the beds.
Severus Snape stood, staring at that light, chastising himself for not leaving. His muscles were weak with exhaustion and all he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and fade into the bittersweet oblivion of sleep. Sowhywas he still standing here, staring at that light filtering through the gauzy certain surrounding Hermione Granger's hospital bed.
Perhaps it was because two minutes ago as he buttoned up his shirt after Poppy had healed him, footsteps echoed through the large room. Too heavy to be Poppy, too soft to be Minerva.
Perhaps it was because he knew exactly what the familiar gait of the headmaster was doing approaching the now awake Miss Granger.
The headmaster had told Poppy to inform him the moment Miss Granger awoke.
It had not been forty-eight hours since Lupin had carried the half dead girl into the chaos of the hospital wing after Potter and his gang of fool hardy children had gone to ministry of magic.
Poppy wasn't experienced in dark magic enough to help the girl. But Severus was. As soon as he saw the girl's chest he recognized Dolohov's work. There was athick line of blackened, burnt skin starting below the girl's collar bone and running diagonally across her chest down to her sternum. The image of her small body laid on the hospital bed, skin pale and covered with the sheen of sweat, making the the black of her wounded chest and the blue of her bruised ribs stand out horridly as unfocused brown eyes welled with tears had been burned into Severus's mind.
He had done everything he could for her, brewed a dozen potions, used every powerful healing spell to bring her back from the brink of death. Perhaps that was now why he stood in there in the hospital.
All the time putting the Gryffindor girl back together and now the headmaster had to come and break her apart again in a new but not any less painful way.
Faintly the headmaster's voice floated into to Severus's ears.
"Good, evening, Miss Granger"
"S-sir…" the girl's voice was hoarse
"How are you feeling Miss Granger?"
"I'm…."
"Forgive my dear, I know you must shaken up. In this case I meant how you feel physically"
"Oh… sore, sir."
"Of course, that is to be expected."
"How long have I been out, sir?"
"Almost two days, Miss Granger. You were hit with a dark curse. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape healed saw to as soon as you arrived back at the castle. It was a very lucky thing, my dear that the curse was weakened when cast wordlessly."
Miss Granger's shaky breathing echoed through the hospital wing.
"My friends, are they…"
"Mr Longbottom and Miss Lovegood's injuries were thankfully not serious, Madam Pomfrey healed them quickly."
"Harry-"
"Is asleep now, he's alright."
"Was he hurt, Sir?"
"Not physically. But I'm afraid Sirius is no longer with us. Harry took the death of his godfather rather hard as to be expected."
The softest saddest "oh" was barely heard.
"Is- What about Ron, Sir?" The girl's voice was shaking.
Severus could see it in his mind's eye. Dumbledore would lay a grandfatherly hand on the girl's arm, saying everything in a single gesture.
"I'm sorry, Miss Granger…"
"no"
"When Aurors arrived, Ronald was already gone. A dark curse had taken his life."
A sound like a wounded animal escaped the girl.
"no… oh, god"
Severus winced. Memories of the night Lily died, swarming his mind with cruel nostalgia.
"I didn't, I didn't know, I didn't mean to"
"Miss granger?"
"I tried to heal him, but everything I did"
Severus went cold.
She had tried to heal him. Fuck.
"I didn't mean to leave him." Granger sobbed
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she whispered and Severus knew she was not speaking to the headmaster.
Severus recalled the night of Lily's death.
ImsorryImsorryImsorryrepeated over and over like a mantra.
The headmaster whispered comforting words but Severus knew they fell on deaf ears.
Severus knew the girl's pain. He had become intimately familiar with weight of guilt. No comforting words would dull that pain. That poisonous mixture of grief and guilt would break her down, reduce her to ash.
Granger's sobs suddenly muffled. She had clapped over mouth. But raw wails slipped out of her. For a moment Severus would have done anything. Damn the order, damn Dumbledore, damn the war. He would do anything, tell her it was his fault not hers, put everything at risk to stop that horrible sound.
Severus expected savage satisfaction at knowing someone finally knew his torture. knew the weight of his guilt. Especially when that someone was potter's little know-it-all friend. But seeing his own pain on Hermione Granger made something deep inside ache. It opened wounds that had scabbed over with bitterness.
Severus fled then. He could not hear her cries any longer. He did not need the weight of her guilt and grief on him, his own was already crushing him.
Author note: I know this is a short chapter. My apologies. Future chapter will be much longer. (;