Chapter 74: The Encouragement
Quasimodo was in good spirits when Claude visited. They went through another reading lesson, then started to talk about life. Claude wanted to know if Quasimodo was still thinking about moving. He confirmed that he was, but was still far from a decision. Quasimodo was curious about Esmeralda's condition, so Claude gladly reported that she was healing well.
"She's been much more like herself lately." He shared. "I expect that she'll soon be well enough to come here with me."
"That's great!" Quasimodo said gratefully. "You must be taking good care of her."
"I certainly do my best." Claude admitted.
There was something Quasimodo had been wanting to ask, and it occurred to him that this was a good opportunity. Still, he hesitated.
"I've been wondering..." He started. "What's the... Status... Of you and Esmeralda?"
Claude tried to hide his discomfort. He wasn't proud of the way things currently were between him and Esmeralda, nor was he proud of the fact that Esmeralda's affection for him was at Quasimodo's expense. Still, he answered out of politeness.
"We're good friends." Claude replied.
"That's all?" Quasimodo questioned, looking somewhat surprised.
"I'm afraid so." Claude said sadly.
Quasimodo struggled to imagine why that would be the case. Why hadn't Esmeralda chosen to pursue that relationship? She was quite clearly in love.
"Can I... Ask why?" Quasimodo asked daringly.
Claude sighed.
"I practically ruined her life." He reminded. "And I have not fully earned her forgiveness."
Quasimodo wondered why he hadn't thought of that obvious explanation. Then he remembered exactly why.
"Oh..." He mumbled. "I guess I assumed she was over it all..."
"What made you think that?"
"...The way she kissed you."
Claude was painfully brought back to the last time he and Esmeralda had kissed. He understood what Quasimodo was saying. Anyone who saw that kiss would have seen two people who loved each other more than their own lives. Two people who looked like they couldn't possibly have any hard feelings between them...
"The presence of love..." Claude said mournfully. "Does not mean the absence... Of less pleasant things. I'm sure you understand."
Quasimodo nodded sadly. He certainly did understand.
"Do you think that can be fixed?" He asked.
"Maybe." Claude replied. "I'm certainly trying to fix it."
"Well, I hope it works out."
Claude found it curious that Quasimodo was so willingly speaking to him about his relationship with Esmeralda. This seemed like it should be a more difficult topic.
"I have to admit," Claude started. "I'm rather surprised that you'd want to know about that."
"Well, it was hard at first, when Esmeralda didn't want me..." Quasimodo admitted. "But I feel better now. I just want her to be happy. And I want you to be happy too."
Claude slightly smiled.
"You're a very good friend, Quasimodo. I hope you know that."
Quasimodo managed to smile back.
"Well, if a friend is the most I'll be to anyone, I'll do it as well as I can."
Claude was filled with regret. He wished he hadn't taken out his feelings of inadequacy on an innocent child. Even his remorse clearly wasn't enough to make Quasimodo feel better about himself. He probably needed to keep working to make that happen.
"You shouldn't say that." Claude said firmly.
Quasimodo looked at him with surprise.
"Why not?" He asked. "It's true..."
"No, it isn't." Claude insisted. "You only believe that because I said no one would ever accept you. But as you know, I lied! I said all those awful things to make myself feel superior."
Quasimodo looked down sorrowfully.
"It's not just you..." He sighed. "You saw how they treated me outside. People don't like me..."
"Only because they don't know you! Everyone who knows you loves you."
"But not like that. Sure some people love me, but no one is IN love with me!"
Claude was tempted to correct that statement. He so badly wanted to tell Quasimodo that there was a woman who wanted him more than he could imagine, but it wasn't right. It wasn't his place to tell Elaine's secrets. Instead, he tried to help using logic.
"You shouldn't assume you are undesirable just because no one has shown interest yet."
"I'm just being realistic. I had my heart broken because I got my hopes up that Esmeralda might be interested. I won't make that mistake again. It's better if I just accept that women don't like deformities..."
Claude sighed.
"Son, please..." He begged. "Don't think that way. Don't be like me."
Quasimodo looked at Claude curiously.
"What do you mean?"
As embarrassing as it was, Claude didn't see a better way to teach this lesson than by sharing his own mistake.
"I know this is a very different thing," He started uncomfortably. "but for the longest time I accepted that women didn't like gruesome scars. I avoided them like the plague because the idea of being desired was so unthinkable to me. I never knew how wrong my assumption was until I had Esmeralda. Before her I wasted so many lonely years believing that no one could possibly be attracted to me. I never had the chance to learn that it was possible because I never dared to pursue anyone."
Quasimodo listened in awe. It had never occurred to him that anyone else felt this way. He'd always felt so unattractive that everyone else seemed perfect in comparison.
"I was a fool." Claude sighed. "Don't be like me. Don't give up hope. You can't know what is there for you until you try to find it."
It was shocking, the idea that accepting loneliness could be the reason for ending up with it. But Quasimodo started to understand it.
"...I'll try." He said with a struggle.
Claude would have liked to hear a more confident response, but this was probably the best he could hope for right now. He hoped that a little encouragement would make happier times possible for Quasimodo. Claude had to wonder if he would get his own happy ending with Esmeralda, but he tried not to worry about it too much. His priority right now was to ensure that she was happy. If he could only see to that, he would be satisfied.
Thanks for reading! I should be faster to update now that my schedule has cleared up. Let's get to the end together!