Chapter 84: The Remorse

Claude found himself under the torch again. Everything was as he remembered it: The painful burning of his flesh, the way he screamed and begged, and finally... Her...

He saw her. Livia. She ran away in fear, just as she was supposed to. But this time, as Claude suffered in the flames, he heard her voice one last time.

"I'm sorry, Claude! I'm SO sorry!"

It hurt almost more than the burn...

"Claude..."

Another voice whispered to him. Esmeralda's voice...

"Come home..."

Mid-scream, Claude was suddenly shaken out of his dream.

"Breathe." A concerned voice told him.

Claude realized he was hyperventilating, as he always did when he suffered a nightmare. He started to take in deeper breaths, attempting to ease himself back into reality.

The burning had been replaced with a comfortable warmth, which took Claude by surprise. He remembered drifting off on the pathway, but he clearly wasn't there now. Instead of the cold and hard ground, he felt the softness of a mattress underneath him. Where was he?

Opening his eyes, Claude started to jerk upward to get a better look at the place, but a hand gently clasped over his shoulder.

"Don't move." The same voice ordered. "I'm trying to fix you up."

Claude was amazed. The light of some candles revealed his location. It was the room at the inn which he shared with Phoebus. And Phoebus was right in front of him, his hand on Claude's shoulder, looking at him with an unusual concern.

Before Claude could begin to question any of it, or even worry about having an obvious nightmare in front of someone who hated him, Phoebus gently pushed him back down until he was lying flat on the bed. He then let go of Claude's shoulder and turned his attention to the other shoulder, picking up a wet cloth and rubbing it over the blood-covered area. Claude winced when his wound was touched.

"Sorry." Phoebus apologized. "I'm trying not to hurt you."

Claude struggled to believe that, but he didn't ponder it much before worrying about other things. He looked across the bed and saw a bandage wrapped around his foot. It was a relief not to see the blood that had earlier soaked him after stepping on that glass, but it was less of a relief when he absorbed the fact that Phoebus was now addressing his shoulder. Necessarily, his shirt was off. And though a blanket partially covered him, his torso was exposed to the air, the burn scar blatantly visible.

Regrets came instantly. Claude wished he hadn't let this happen. He should have been more careful and avoided stepping on that broken bottle, or found a way to keep going after the injury, or at least stayed awake long enough to insist on dressing his own wounds so that Phoebus wouldn't see him like this.

But Phoebus wasn't saying anything about the scar. He kept his eyes on the stab wound, cleaning it out and wiping up the blood from it that had soaked a reasonable portion of Claude's arm and chest.

"You must have carried me quite a way." Phoebus remarked.

Claude avoided looking at him. It was too uncomfortable with his scar visible.

"And you're shocked?" He asked weakly, yet pointedly.

"Yes, honestly." Phoebus replied. "You're... Much fitter than I thought."

Even now, as he tended to Claude's wound, Phoebus was shocked by the muscles he felt. Claude wasn't nearly as thin as clothes made him look. He had a strong body, one that many would consider impressive.

Phoebus smirked while he started applying bandages.

"I see what Esmeralda is so in love with." He chuckled. "You've got a nicer body than most men can claim."

Claude let out an angry sigh.

"What?" Phoebus asked.

"Don't mock me." Claude ordered.

"I'm not... That was a compliment."

"A compliment? Not a joke about your belief that there is no other reason she could possibly love me?"

"No... I didn't mean it that way."

Claude stopped talking. He pondered whether Phoebus was sincerely trying to be friendly with him. It was hard to wrap his head around.

"How are you feeling?" Phoebus asked when he finished bandaging the wound.

"...Fine." Claude answered.

"You sure?" Phoebus questioned.

Claude's poor mood was apparently obvious. He decided it was time to deal with this. He'd be driven crazy by the obvious things Phoebus must be thinking if he didn't address the scar.

"Just say it." He ordered.

"Excuse me?" Phoebus asked.

Claude let his fingertips trace over the outline of his scar.

"Say it." He repeated. "Say what I know you're thinking."

Phoebus looked down, his expression becoming sorrowful.

"I misjudged you." He said. "I'm sorry..."

Claude was taken off guard. He questioned if he'd heard correctly, or if there was some kind of malice in that sentence, but it didn't sound that way. Disbelieving, he barely turned his head to look at Phoebus, who looked more ashamed of himself than anything else.

Before Claude could question it, Phoebus looked at him and started to explain.

"I've known people with serious scars." He started. "And that kind of scarring usually accompanies some other things. Things like... Nightmares. And not wanting to talk about the past..."

Claude looked toward the ceiling automatically, closing his eyes. There was no malice in the way Phoebus spoke to him, but that didn't take away the discomfort of his suffering being noticed. Being shown sincere concern was almost worse than being harassed. At least harassment had never made him feel this vulnerable...

"I should have known." Phoebus said apologetically. "I didn't want to admit it before, but... You remind me of friends I used to have, soldiers who were in the bloodiest parts of the war. They weren't the same after it. They hid their scars and avoided talking about it, but then they would wake up screaming in the dead of night... Some of them lost their minds completely. Some even did things you could call... evil..."

Being compared to soldiers was something Claude never would have expected. He'd never lived that kind of life. He didn't know the kinds of hardships and horrors that men went through in war.

"I never went to war..." Claude murmured.

"That's why I didn't understand." Phoebus explained. "I thought, 'this is a rich bastard who never had to fight in a war or go through anything difficult'. I saw the ruthless judge and thought that was just who you were, because I couldn't conceive that anything might have happened to push you over the edge. But I was wrong... Wasn't I?"

Claude struggled to bring himself to acknowledge this, but Phoebus had already put the pieces together. The scar was the final proof he'd needed that some incredible trauma had occurred. There was no sense in denying it.

After a moment of hesitation, Claude barely nodded, trying not to feel ashamed.

"I won't ask." Phoebus promised. "I understand it's none of my business. But, if you're ever willing to share, I'll be willing to listen."

That tone wasn't one that Claude was used to hearing from Phoebus. It was sincere, a tone of respect. Claude was surprised to realize that after all this time, he'd finally gained the respect of his former officer, and with his scar revealed at that.

"Thank you..." Claude murmured.

Phoebus replied with a respectful nod.

A silence began, but Claude decided not to let it last. Despite being hurt and exhausted, he forced himself to sit up, groaning in pain.

"We should be going." He announced.

"Now?" Phoebus asked. "You should probably rest."

"I can rest later." Claude insisted. "We need to leave if we want a head start out of this place."

"What do you mean? What happened while I was knocked out?"

"I'll tell you on the way. What I'll tell you right now is that we probably have no more than five hours before Clopin realizes we've escaped and goes mad looking for us."

Understanding the seriousness of the situation, Phoebus nodded.

Claude shoved his feet into his boots, and Phoebus helped him into a new tunic since the pain in his shoulder still made it difficult. What was even harder was standing. With an arm around Phoebus, Claude stood up painfully. He winced at the pain of his bruised legs and badly wounded foot.

"Don't put too much pressure on it." Phoebus warned. "I'll hold you up."

"You don't have to." Claude argued.

"You carried me, it's the least I can do. Thanks a lot, by the way."

"Well, I couldn't just leave you."

Phoebus helped Claude start to walk out of the room.

"I really am sorry." He apologized again. "I shouldn't have made assumptions. Or been so brutal..."

"I'd say you're making up for it." Claude assured, barely managing a smile.

"I'd say the same about you, but at this point you've already made up for everything. As far as I'm concerned, anyway."

Claude was thankful to hear that. It was an unbelievable success that someone who had never ceased to resent him for his past now seemed to finally forgive him. But that wasn't as important as what Claude had not yet earned: Esmeralda's forgiveness.

"Not in Esmeralda's eyes, however..." He said sadly.

Phoebus smiled reassuringly.

"I don't think you need to worry about that." He informed. "We have good news for her."

"Good news?" Claude questioned. "This mission was an utter failure."

"No, it wasn't! We took a beating, but we know where Clopin is now! All we need to do is bring Esmeralda to him. Then they can reconnect and she can explain everything."

Phoebus was right. Claude saw how easy it would be to finish things from here. It would work! He really would be able to make Esmeralda happy. The realization made him chuckle gladly.

"You're right." Claude agreed. "This is excellent!"

"Everything's going to be fine." Phoebus said gladly. "In the next town over we'll find you a doctor, then I'll buy you a drink, and then we'll get home to our girls!"

"You don't need to buy me a drink."

"I want to. I owe you one for getting me out of that mess. Consider it a peace offering."

Claude felt like he ought to be the one paying for things, considering that this journey was all his idea and he was more financially comfortable than Phoebus was. But since Phoebus was so eager to do it as a friendly gesture, Claude decided he would allow it.

For the first time in a few days, he felt very hopeful. Despite today's terrifying and painful experience, Claude was able to leave with a smile. He'd managed to get on good terms with Phoebus, and soon enough he'd be able to see Esmeralda and tell her the good news. What a happy thought that was.