Alright, time for an omake! Let's join Riley on her adventure and see what happens!
Broken Angel: Rising Demon
Omake 1: Cooking
"Katie's log, entry number eighteen. It's a Thursday afternoon, and once again tragedy has struck." Katie thought to herself after arriving home after a late night, early morning training session with the Legion.
In the kitchen before her was an absolute catastrophe. Unknown brownish substances coated the ceiling over their over. Some unpleasant smell permeated the air. At the dinner table sat several family members, all of them a sickly green. From the nearby bathroom, a howl of pain echoed out, as someone fought for their life.
Riley sat at the head of the table, an unamused frown spread across her face.
Sat before her, and in fact all of the denizens of the dinner table, was a plate of food. Quesadillas is what it appeared to be, yet something was greatly wrong with them. Each quesadilla was a different color, their tortillas ranging in hue from dark brown, to puke green. Most simply appeared plain yet one could be seen undulating, as if something moved within the folds of the tortilla.
The bathroom door opened, and Zabuza walked out. He stopped and glared around the room for several long seconds before a loud 'Fuck!' escaped his lips and he turned around and reentered the bathroom.
Katie blinked at the sight, as she gazed out over the devastation.
"I don't get it." Riley muttered.
"I- I… think it t-turned out w-well…" Kaede groaned, her face visibly green.
"It was just a quesadilla! It's a tortilla, meat, and cheese! How in the FUCK!?" Riley snapped, shooting to her feet and vanishing all of the plates from the table.
The moment the godawful food was gone, her family began to recover, much to Riley's ire.
"Well how did it turn out?" Kushina asked cheerfully as she entered.
"Fuck off!" Riley snapped as she stormed past her.
"That well huh?" Kushina replied with a smile.
"She tries so hard…" Fleur muttered with tears streaming down her face.
"I don't get it…" Madara muttered.
"She can't cook. What's there to get?" Izuna noted with a shrug.
"No… YOU can't cook. Everything she touches, with the intention of shaping it into food, somehow turns to shit, and I just don't get it." Madara countered.
"Maybe it's a curse." Izuna hummed with another shrug.
Once more the bathroom door opened and Zabuza stepped out. He stopped once more, gazed around the room, and loudly swore. "God Damn It!" The bathroom door slammed hard enough to shake the room.
Katie let out a sigh and exited the kitchen. Another day, another attempt that she had blessedly missed.
There was still tomorrow though, and that thought brought her dismay.
It was several days later, when tragedy struck again.
'Katie's log, entry number forty-two. Riley has attempted to make scramblers by the looks of things. Chaos ensued.' Katie thought to herself as she gazed at the ruination of the kitchen.
Riley once more sat at the head of the table, pissed off as she could be. Her family sat around her, most of them having quietly passed on after choking down a few bites of her breakfast concoction.
The only person who seemed to enjoy her breakfast was Lucille who sat in her highchair and played tug of war with an egg-like tentacle growing out of her plate of food.
"Well don't all comment at once." Riley muttered, with a disgruntled snort.
Right about then Artoria walked in. She took one look at the state of the room and immediately walked out. A few seconds later the sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard, signaling that she had left the building entirely.
A few seconds later Daphne came rushing into the room, looking to be in a bit of rush. She quickly moved over to Riley's side, kissing her cheek, saying her goodbye, and taking a bite off her plate. She made it two feet before collapsing over the sink, and vomiting.
No one seemed to react to the sound of Daphne retching. A few second passed as Riley's shut her eyes and buried her head in her hands. Daphne made no comment as she woozily stumbled out of the kitchen. Katie heard her collapse somewhere in the hallway, and crawl the rest of the way to the front door.
The whole house stayed silent, all except for Lucille's giggling as she continued to play with her food, which had now grown a second tentacle, both of which the little demoness held in one hand.
"What smells like shit in here?" Came the question from Zabuza as he stepped up next to Katie.
"Zabuza, run!" Haku quickly waved him off.
"Fuck heads! All of you!" Riley declared, as she pushed herself to her feet and vanished all of the food, including Lucille's plate.
The little girl's eyes went wide as saucers as her plaything suddenly vanished into thin air.
She slapped at the place where it had been a few times before turning a wide eyed look towards Fleur.
Her look was clearly read by her mother. "Can you believe this shit mother?' the look conveyed.
"Yes my love, I can." Fleur groaned on the verge of sickness.
"Who are you talking too?" Kaede asked.
"What?" Fleur asked in response.
"What do you mean what?" Kaede responded.
"I do not understand ze question." Fleur said to her.
"You… don't?" Kaede narrowed her eyes, as if not believing her.
"I fucking hate it here." Riley muttered as she stormed out of the room.
'Katie's log, entry number forty-three. Once more, I have avoided catastrophe.' Katie let out a sigh of relief, only for Riley to circle back around and come up behind her, pinching her butt as she did, and giving her a look that said that she'd heard that thought.
Katie blushed bashfully after letting out a yelp. Riley simply ignored it and stormed off.
Another week went by and Katie stepped into the kitchen after an early day with the Legion.
'Katie's log, entry number seventy-one. I've just arrived home and… what… the… fuck?" Katie thought to herself as she looked at the disaster zone that was the kitchen.
Food particles were everywhere, coating most surfaces. On the ground sat Lucille who seemed to have been struck by the debris at one point or another as some sort of orange-ish sauce coated the side of her head. The toddler didn't seem to mind as she was busy chasing a sentient ham that had several red lobster legs sticking out of it, that pulled it away from the child.
Riley stood in the center of the chaos, glaring at the cook-top, where a pan of boiling something sat on one of the burners.
Katie stared at the devastation as sympathetically as she could manage. Kushina stepped up beside her, her attitude as pleasant as normal. Kushina looked around the room, taking in the surroundings before offering a nod.
"I think you missed a step." She noted with a smile.
"How in the FUCK, would missing a step, cause THIS?" Riley snapped in reply, lifting the lid off the boiling pot, causing a suction of air that began pulling in air from the entire room. Soon things began to lift off the counter top and fly into the pot, vanishing into the boiling stew as air continued to be sucked in.
Quickly the suction became powerful enough to began pulling at Katie and Kushina who both anchored themselves to the floor with magic.
Lucille let out a playful giggle as she and sentient ham were lifted into the air and pulled towards the pot. Lucille was caught by Riley before she could be consumed, the ham was not so lucky.
A few more seconds passed before Riley replaced the lid causing the suction to stop, and turned her eyes towards Kushina.
Lucille stared in horror at the pot, having watched her plaything get sucked into the depths of the boiling broth.
"I don't know how that happens, but I can only guess that you missed a spot somewhere. Here, I'll help you out." Kushina responded with an upbeat inflection in her voice.
Riley simply let out a sigh and shook her head. She then held out Lucille by her ankle towards Katie.
"Katie, take the child." Riley instructed.
Katie quickly scooped the little girl into her arms, Lucille's eyes were still wide with horror, her gaze locked onto the mysterious pot that had consumed her friend.
At that moment, Fleur stepped into the room and took stock of the situation.
Lucille turned to her with a look that said, 'Mama the winds! The winds took him! He was taken beneath the tides!"
How that look was conveyed remains a mystery, but Fleur gave her daughter a glance before speaking.
"That sounds awful sweet girl." Fleur said aloud.
"What?" Katie asked.
"What what?" Fleur replied glancing at her.
"What you just said." Katie replied.
"What about what I said?" Fleur asked.
"Why did you say it?" Katie questioned.
"Because I was responding. Why do you ask?" Fleur asked.
"Responding to what?" Katie asked with visible confusion and encroaching annoyance.
"What was said, Katie, you silly-billy." Fleur said to her, shaking her head with playful annoyance.
Katie blinked several times and shook her head.
'Katie's Log, entry number seventy-two: Fleur is still fucking weird, confirmed.' Katie thought to herself, earning her a pinch on the butt from Fleur.
Katie grumbled to herself, before blinking and recalling Riley doing the same thing.
She looked to Fleur but she was already leaving.
"Huh?" Katie wondered aloud.
Another week passed and Katie was returning home from a mission. 'Katie's Log, entry number one-sixteen: Another day, another-'
She was unable to finish her thought as the front door opened and Riley came storming out holding a pork roast in he bare hands. The roast was moving and letting out animalistic bleats. It wiggled in her grasp, and Riley was positively fuming with rage.
"Will you SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!" Riley snapped as she kicked the roast into the sun.
Riley then turned around and stormed back into the house, slamming the door behind her.
A few meters off, Lucille sat playing in the grass. She had just watched what had happened and her jaw was hanging open, and her eyes were as wide as can be.
She turned to Fleur who sat nearby in a lawn chair keeping an eye on the girl, with a look that said 'Mother, mother, what in thine unholy fuckery was that.' Again, how that look was conveyed, was still a mystery.
"Do not curse my precious little hellspawn, it is a bad habit." Fleur spoke aloud.
Katie blinked at her words, and glanced between Fleur and the child.
"Fleur… why did you say that?" Katie asked.
"Why would I not say zat?" Fleur replied, glancing over at her.
Katie blinked a few times and shook her head, before heading into the house.
It was a few days later when tragedy struck again. The family had gathered to watch a movie in the living room, so the whole crowd was fit within the room, watching some adventure movie. It had reached a slow point and Riley offered to go get everyone drinks. A few moments later she returned with the beverages and began handing them out.
The resulting spray of people spitting out their drinks nearly flooded the room.
"Oh Come the fuck on! It's just water!" Riley howled at them.
"Then why does it taste like warm piss?" Zabuza snapped back at her.
Riley made a face at him, and took one of the glasses, and drank from it. She stared off for a moment before spitting out the contents.
"What in the fuck!?" Riley growled, tossing the cup on the floor.
"Wait, before we go blaming Riley for this one, let's check the faucet and pipes, maybe there's something wrong." Katie suggested, earning agreement from everyone who got up to go to the kitchen, leaving Lucille alone in the half flooded room without her floaties.
'Mother, come back!' Lucille's face read.
'Mother, why have you abandoned me?' Lucille wondered as she gazed up at the ceiling forlornly.
"Sorry sweetheart." Fleur quickly came back into the room and scooped the child back into her arms.
"Mother, you have returned!" The child thought happily, no longer having to fear being left unsupervised in their new kiddie pool.
Two days later and Katie awoke to find herself alone in bed. It was around noon and she had slept in quite late. She did have some wonderful dreams that left her feeling particularly raunchy so she got up to go find Riley. She arrived at the kitchen to find a flavorful aroma in the air.
"Katie, good morning! You're just in time, come and try this." Riley waved her over, setting what looked like a pie down on the table.
Katie felt her gut sink at the offer.
'Katie's Log, Entry number… fuck I can't remember. Anyway, today I did not escape catastrophe…' Katie thought to herself.
"Oh stop being such a drama queen and come have some pie!" Riley growled at her with annoyance.
Katie blinked at her, cringing as she recognized that Riley had caught what she was thinking.
"Alright, but I want you to promise me something. I'll try this, and whether it's good or bad, you have to come to bed with me. Deal?" Katie declared.
"Fine, it's not gonna taste bad though, just smell it." Riley responded with a shrug and a smile.
Katie took in a deep breath. 'The things I do for cock…' She thought to herself before making the long trek over to the table.
She sat down in front of the pie and immediately noted that it did smell good.
"What kind of pie is it?" Katie asked hesitantly.
"Apple." Riley answered.
"Well is sure smells good." Katie offered as she picked up a knife and fork.
She then set a plate in front of herself, and with one final breath, she went to cut a piece out of the pie.
The knife made contact with the crust… and a stopped.
Katie blinked…
The knife didn't move. She pressed down. The knife didn't move. She pressed harder. The knife still didn't move.
She started putting her weight onto the blade, but it wouldn't cut into the crust.
"Um… Riley… there's something wrong. I can't cut this." Katie spoke with confusion.
"What?" Riley responded, taking the knife from Katie's hand and attempting to cut into the pie.
The blade did not pierce it.
"What the fuck is happening?" Riley growled as she started sawing at the pie with the knife. Katie saw magic start to flow through the knife making it sharper, but still nothing.
"What! The fuck! Is! Happening!?" Riley growled.
"The curse strikes again?" Katie offered as sensitively as she could.
"It's not possible…" Riley muttered as she began knocking her knuckles against the pie, only for a thick pat to emerge with each strike, as if it was a solid object.
"I think it's time to face facts Riley… cooking is just not for you." Katie said to her.
"This… isn't possible. This pie… is fucking STORE BOUGHT! I just threw it in the oven! It's not burned! It looks like a pie, is smells like a pie! What the fuck is happening!" Riley snarled with inhuman rage.
Several quiet moments passed before Riley let out a sigh and picked up the pie.
She headed outside, with Katie following close behind her.
Riley made it several feet from the house before kicking the pie into outer space. She then turned and grabbed Katie's hand and led her back into the house so that she could madly ravish her and forget this fucking nightmare.
Meanwhile in space…
"Alright Lex, I've put the last pieces in place. You should be getting a good signal." Superman stated as he finished repairing a LexCorp satellite.
"Excellent work Superman. With this satellite on line we can begin providing communications services to the entire eastern seaboard." Lex responded through the earpiece superman was wearing.
Superman drifted back and admired his handiwork. A nanosecond later something flew over his shoulder and tore right through the satellite shredding it to pieces.
"Superman! Come in! We just lost the satellite! What happened?" Lex spoke in a panic.
"Uh… pie…" Superman blinked, having caught sight of what looked like a pie that sailed over his shoulder, mere inches from his head.
He blinked several times, as he digested what he'd just seen.
"Guess people are gonna have to wait a little longer to get their internet back." Superman thought to himself with a shake of his head.
Meanwhile back on the ground. Katie was doing a striptease to try and cheer Riley up. It was moderately successful. Meanwhile, deep within her subconscious, Kurama sat giggling to himself.
"God I wonder how long I can keep this up. It just keeps getting funnier and funnier." Kurama thought to himself, trying his best not to burst into uproarious laughter. Everyone knew that Riley couldn't cook, but there was a reason why she was seemingly getting worse at it. Kurama just hoped that no one would suspect him for a good long while. He was getting way too much amusement out of this. So long as he didn't draw too much attention to himself than Riley would never know just why it was that her culinary creations were turning out so shitty.
"Another day, another attempt kit, maybe you'll finally figure it out. Until then though, I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth." Kurama let out a one final chuckle before drifting back to sleep.
It would be about two years or so before voyager one sent back a photo that would shock the world. That photo being of a perfect apple pie, that came hurtling by the distant satellite, as it made it's way out of the solar system. The sight of it would baffle scientist and the world for decades, until eventually being dismissed as a hoax.
It wouldn't be until the pie vanished into a black hole that it's journey would finally end.
But that journey was a tail for another time.
-End-
There's a playful omake for you guys, hope you enjoy it!