Chapter 8

Seth drove all morning long, finally stopping at the Canadian border, because he did not have his passport. If he had considered where he might end up before leaving Cabot Cove, he would have grabbed it and kept driving. He supposed it was a good thing now knowing that he could not do so, as he believed having a firm boundary line that could not be crossed was the only thing that kept him from continuing.

In the back of his mind, he remembered his promise to return to Jessica tonight, so he knew at some point in the next hour or two, he would need to turn around anyway if he had any hope of staying alert to make it home before midnight. He was a bit of a literalist, and he told her that he would be home tonight, so that meant to him that he had until 11:59 PM and not a minute longer. Wanting to take the full day to himself, while also leaving enough time to stop for food and personal comfort breaks as needed, he turned his car back south.

Seth had kept the radio off on his drive thus far. Spring was fading into summer and the weather on this Saturday was remarkable. Clear blue skies and sunshine. With his windows rolled down, the sea air blowing in his face, he felt peaceful for the first time since speaking to the paralegal yesterday.

He had stopped briefly at the border as he considered what to do. Obviously, he could not travel on into Canada, but he had considered staying in the area longer than he had. Perusing a map while he stopped on the side of the road in the sunshine, he felt a pang of regret that Jessica was not with him. He missed her something fierce when he was not with her. Oh, he was plenty busy during the days when he was working, but today, even with driving and trying to sort through his feelings, he ached to be with her.

That was part of the reason he knew that he would get past this, because he had to. There was no real alternative. Living without her was not an option he was even able to consider.

Seth was not an emotional man, yet he knew better than to push what had happened away. It had been a deep wound to his heart, knowing that she had kept something that involved him personally, a secret. He knew why she had done it. He had known that immediately the moment she told him. He still didn't like it. He hated it, in fact. But he understood why.

But how had she kept this from him for an entire year? Did she ever consider telling him? Did she worry that he would find out?

Or had she not trusted him to manage his hurt and anger over her well-meaning, yet clearly, manipulative plans?

Whoa. Was that the problem? Did Jessica not trust him? Or was she only afraid of his anger? She had never been afraid of confrontation that he had ever seen. She had no trouble confronting the town council over concerns in the community over the years and she confronted murderers left and right despite his admonishing her to stay out of police investigations. They bickered like many couples on occasion although he was thankful that there was never any rancor between them. She had said that she was afraid of losing him over what she had done, but when translated, did that mean that she didn't trust him not to leave her? Was she really scared of that?

If that was the case, that was a different kettle of fish. Seth never thought of Jessica having insecurities. Certainly not the way he did, she was such a confident woman. But he supposed it was a possibility.

Assuming that was the case and they both had trust issues that resulted in poor communication and hurtful behavior from those fears, how could he fix it or at least begin to improve it?

S/J

Jessica had watched numbly as Seth had walked down the hall to the bathroom that morning. Everything within her had wanted to bang on the door and beg him not to leave her. She wanted to go with him as they had planned today, so they could talk and make amends. Except he had given her a clear boundary and that translated to a separation for the day.

She could respect his wishes and even applaud them as she knew he often put his own needs behind her own, always focused on pleasing her. However, she was scared. She did not think he would leave her, but she feared it all the same.

Seth was a man of his word and he had said he would be home tonight. She knew that she had to trust that he was telling the truth. Not wanting to prolong an awkward and tearful goodbye, she gathered her purse and walked home, thankful not to run into anyone on the way.

The people of Cabot Cove had been shocked the first month or two when they discovered that the good Doc Hazlitt and Jessica Fletcher were living together with no immediate plans to marry. While the ladies at Loretta's had known better than to continue badgering her after the first time or two, when she visited the beauty parlor, she knew people still talked and speculated.

They had agreed to live their lives the way they saw fit, and they would not be pressured to get married or anything else until they were ready. All the same, she was grateful that she did not have to talk to anyone on the brief walk home. She did not want to have to field any impertinent questions about why she was not with Seth on his day off. While she would never be cornered to give any information she did not want to regardless, the penetrating gazes in her direction would have been exhausting enough.

Once home, she went upstairs and drew the hottest bath she could, leaning her head back on the edge of the tub, willing herself to relax. She had shut the bathroom door to create steam, with the heated moisture heavy in the room.

Enjoying the hot bath as long as possible, she waited to climb out until the water was rather tepid and her fingers wrinkled. Once dry, she stood in front of her closet wearing her robe, contemplating what to wear.

Jessica sighed as she considered her choices. She was usually the one leaving town, not staying behind. In an unusual turn of events, she understood suddenly how difficult it was to be home without Seth. While he went to work every day, he worked less than a mile away at his home clinic. Even the hospital was a short drive if she needed to call for a ride. He was always close by and if she needed him, he would be there within minutes.

Even though her home had been hers for many years and where she lived with Frank before his death, she realized that now it was home for a different reason and that reason was Seth.

She sighed once more, exaggeratedly. She was restless. The only thing she knew about Seth's whereabouts was that he was somewhere in New England, driving in his car alone. What if something happened to him? Where would she even know to look? He was a grown man, a safe driver, and he deserved some time alone after how she had hurt him. However, that did not stop her from worrying.

Knowing that she would not dare to leave her house or even go outside today, as she wanted to be able to hear the phone in case he called, she selected an old light weight three-quarter length shirt and a pair of jeans to putter around the house in. She would open the windows and let in the fresh air, which should allow the house to still be cool, as the days were growing increasingly warm.

While Jessica had suspected this morning that the day would drag along, as she waited for Seth to return, she believed him when he said it would be late. She still struggled to know how to spend her time. Over the last year living with Seth, she had all but stopped working on the weekends, to make sure she spent as much quality time as she could with the man she loved. Sometimes if he were on-call at the hospital on a Saturday or Sunday, she would work for an hour or two, but she knew when she did that, she would often lose track of time and it was difficult for her to turn her brain off when he would return. Instead, she tried to focus on gardening when the weather was nice and when it was not, she cooked and cleaned, sometimes even treating herself to a few hours of reading with a cup of tea in her comfy reading chair in the living room.

She knew she needed a project today to keep her mind and body busy. Trying to burn some of her nervous energy off, she spent the entire morning cleaning out the upstairs closets, making several stacks of clothes and home goods to be donated to charity. It was a chore that she dreaded but tried to do at least once a year.

Last year when Seth had all but moved in, he had taken over the guest room closet for his clothes, not wanting to disturb her own. She had often felt guilty about that, wanting to share her home with him, just as much as she shared her heart. He had waved her off each time she offered to make room, saying that it was no matter, and he had plenty of space in the guest room.

Once she had all the items stacked on their bed that she would pack up to donate later, she went between the closets in every upstairs room, organizing items in ways that made more sense. She did not need her heavy wool trousers and her many sweaters and cardigans hanging up in the closet when it was almost summer. Those could easily be stored in her office or the guest room closet this time of year. Nor did all the various blankets for every season for their bed need to be in their bedroom closet. Moving things around, she was pleased to see that there was a fair amount of space for Seth's clothes and shoes now. Focused on how best to organize both of their wardrobes, she took her time, moving his spring and summer clothes over to their new bedroom closet.

Thrilled with the success of her day, she knew she still had a long way to go until Seth's return. Tired now though, she went downstairs to gather some boxes from the basement to pack up the items on the bed, before carrying all of them down to the kitchen to wait until she could deliver them next week to the charity shop.

Making a sandwich and a cup of tea, she went to her reading chair to try to eat and relax for a bit. She contemplated reading a new murder mystery that she was supposed to review for a friend, but instead, selected an old Agatha Christie novel off her shelf. She needed something that she had read numerous times before and did not have to think about in her current state of mind.

After her tea had grown cold, Jessica stopped trying to kid herself that she was reading. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes and thought about the mess she was in. For the first time, she allowed her brain to go over the details of the last day and felt the sadness and heartache anew as she recalled the way Seth had looked at her. The pain he was feeling broke her and she knew it was all her fault. The tears fell and she let them continue.

What was she going to do? She had broken Seth's trust and while she knew that he knew she would never cheat on him or hurt him overtly, she was not so sure if this covert operation wasn't worse in some way.

She knew that trust took time to build and no time at all to break.

Perhaps…they had been wrong to wait for marriage. While marriages ended all the time, they were both old-fashioned enough to be firmly committed to upholding vows made and promises kept. Getting married would not necessarily fix their trust issues, and would be a terrible idea in most circumstances for many people, but perhaps it could be a stepping stone for them and a way to comfort each other. They may have already been committed to each other with no plans to ever leave, but as the tears continued to fall, she still feared that he would not come home. She knew it was foolish. She did know Seth and the man he was. He told her he would be home tonight and he would be. Short of some tragedy. But if they were married, would she feel more comfort and less fear right now? Would he?

While she was not positive, strangely enough, she thought she would. She knew that he was not as hesitant as she was about marriage. He had been content to wait on her, but she knew it was a desire of his that he often put aside, not wanting to pressure her.

A plan began to form in her mind.

S/J

Five minutes before his self-imposed deadline, Seth arrived home, removing the key from the car ignition. He was tired but grateful to be home. He wondered if Jessica would be awake.

Through the kitchen window, the house was dark and quiet. He opened the back door of his home with Jessica, comforted by the familiar smells as soon as he stepped inside. He may be a homeowner now of his own place, but home was wherever she was. He would never view the house that consisted of his office and apartment as home.

Bumping into something in the dark, he flipped the light switch, only to discover two short stacks of boxes against the wall. His heart sank and his breathing became shallow. Was she kicking him out? He didn't understand.

Confused and hurt, he made his way past the boxes into the living room. The rest of the house was dark, except for a small night light at the top of the stairs. Before he could reach the top though, he heard Jessica fling the bedroom door open, the light from the bedroom spilling into the hallway, as she was now standing by the banister gripping it tight. She was wearing a pale blue knee length silk nightgown. No robe or slippers. She was cold, her breasts visible, the nipples hardening in the dim light.

"You're home," she said, the fear and worry evident on her face.

Pausing halfway up the stairs, he looked at her worried face, trying to avoid staring at her breasts. He had to know what was going on without being sidetracked by her body. "Ayuh, told you I would be, woman. Are you kicking me out?"

"What? What would make you think that?" Her face twisted, her voice rising almost to a screech.

"Woman, I tripped over two stacks of boxes by the back door. Did you pack up my things?" His voice broke, as he waved at her not to interrupt, "Are you done with me?"

Her face changed, so many emotions traveling across it, before she realized the miscommunication. Softening her voice, she said, "Oh no, darling. I spent some time clearing out closets today. Most of the boxes are my clothes. Along with some household things. I…thought it was high time to make our bedroom closet as much yours as it was mine. I made room and moved all your spring and summer clothes beside my own."

"Is that so?" He asked, suddenly assured that she was not kicking him out now and unable to stop staring at her nipples, still hard against the silk that he knew would be cool to the touch. He licked his lips, beginning to climb the final few steps towards her. She noticed where his eyes had traveled to, and her face flushed with a touch of embarrassment for reasons she was unable to process yet. He was her lover after all and a very capable one at that.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Seth reached her, pushing her against the nearest wall, his arousal already making its presence known. Screw whatever hurt he had felt when he found out about the house. They would get past it. He could never live without this woman; he never even wanted to try.

His mouth forced her lips apart searching with his tongue, even as she attempted to say something, his hands reaching for her wrists and lifting them above her head, so he could pull back to stare at her a moment. He gave her one brief pause to voice her dissent. Otherwise, he was taking her here and now. She could see it in his eyes, the heat building to a flame as he moved his hips against her own. She whimpered, her voice filled with desire, "Please, I need…" She could say no more.

Seth knew what Jessica needed, but he would take his time. Moving the grip on her wrists to one hand, he moved his other to massage her breast, tweaking the nipple, making her moan. Now, unzipping his trousers, he freed himself, wrenching her nightgown up to her waist and ripping her panties past her knees to shake off. Lifting her leg to wrap around his waist, he waited in anticipation. Shifting the low neckline of her nightgown, he suckled her breast, making the tip of her nipple stand at attention before biting it softly, hearing her gasp, enjoying the power he had over her. That she was clearly surrendering to him, as he would stop if she ever gave the slightest impression she wanted him to, made him feel confident and in control, which he recognized he had not felt in the last thirty-six hours. He knew she saw the change, too, which is why she was encouraging him to take charge. Kissing his way over to her other breast, he watched her chest rise and fall rapidly as she lost control of her body's reactions. Tasting that nipple, he left a mark on the underside right below for her to find later.

Pushing against her, ready to claim her, his voice was husky as he asked, "Are you mine, Jessica Fletcher?"

She managed to choke out, "I am yours always, darling, body and soul," before he joined them against the wall with one firm twist of his hips, them both crying out in passion.

This would not take long. Both of them were exhausted from the turmoil of the last two days, but the lust that they were both feeling had to be expressed and there was no stopping them.

Seth continued to move his hips against hers, as Jessica allowed him to control her body. Her hands were still above her head, as she balanced herself on one leg with the other leg around his waist. As he thrusted into her, she panted, trying to lure him to her mouth so that he would kiss her. He did kiss her often, allowing his free hand to travel up and down her body gripping her a bit roughly, but he knew by her moaning that he was not the only one enjoying this coupling. As he kissed her, he would move down from her mouth to her jaw, her ear, her neck, whispering to her of his love for her.

As his movements became more frantic and the intensity built higher, he moved his free hand to her warm center, feeling her clench around him as he pushed her over the edge with him. "Jump off with me, Jess," he murmured in her ear.

Hearing her cry out his name as he groaned, they hurtled beyond time and space together, soaring to the heavens. Riding out their climaxes, they slid to the floor together, their legs trembling, holding each other as they came down from their high.

As their bodies recovered, breath and heart rates returning to normal, they realized what they had done. Jessica, as usual, had no shame whatsoever, as she was comfortable with her sexuality and the desires and needs she had. Seth, on the other hand, was sometimes tempted to feel guilty on the rare occasions when they became a little rougher than he believed necessary. Sensing what he was feeling and wanting to stave it off, she whispered, "Thank you, my darling, for showing me how much you need me." Before he could argue, she changed the subject completely, her hands now free, as she stroked his face and neck. "Seth, darling, I want to marry you. I think taking vows would help us to trust each other's commitment level. I know it's an old-fashioned view now, even a bit backwards as we need trust to marry, but I think it would help us. I want you to be my husband and I want to be your wife. Would you want to marry me?"

He had pulled back from her to see her face as she spoke and he could not believe what he was hearing. He shook his head a bit as though he had not heard her correctly, before asking, "Am I dreaming?"

She chuckled, "Oh come now, don't tell me that I am the only one already feeling stiff from our position on the floor."

"Woman, I am ashamed of myself, taking you against a wall like a twenty-year-old."

She hummed in reply, "I'm not. It was lovely, Seth. I especially liked the illusion of being caught by you."

He smiled a bit sheepishly, before asking, "Jess, can we go to bed now?" He groaned for a different reason as he managed to stand up, pulling her up with him. Gathering clothes from the floor and readjusting clothes they were still wearing, they made their way to their bedroom. Within a few minutes, they had climbed into the bed beside each other, turning off the light.

"Darling, you never answered me."

"Hmm?"

"When I asked if you would like to marry me. You asked if you were dreaming, but did not respond otherwise."

In the darkness, he rolled her onto her back, leaning over her soft body, now limp from their energetic activities on the landing of the stairs. He could make out her eyes looking up at him from the dim glow coming through the blinds.

"Do you really want to marry me, Jess?"

"I do, Seth."

"I want to marry you, too, woman."

Her eyes began to plead, wanting to resolve everything before they fell asleep, "I am so sorry I broke your trust, darling. I know I hurt you terribly. Please forgive me."

"Shh, I forgave you already. Now, I realized that while this made me feel as though I mistrust you, you have the same problem, sweetheart, thinking anything you do, could ever make me leave you. Part of that is only being together for a year and things are still new in our relationship in many respects. But I agree, I want us to make formal vows and commitments to each other, so we can remember those promises whenever life is difficult—but I have a request about our vows."

"Anything."

"I want us to add a promise that we don't keep any secrets from each other. Nothing that directly concerns us at least."

He could feel her face nod, as he stroked her cheek, before hearing her whisper, "I promise you now, Seth, from this day forward never to keep anything from you again."

"I promise the same to you, woman."

Placing both of her hands against his face, she said, "Kiss me."

"With pleasure."