PoV Eddard Stark

Ned stood looking at the winter roses, in the glass gardens. A part of him, a very considerable part, wanted to rip those thorny bushes with their beautiful blue roses, root and stem, to stamp on them.

But he could not, his mother loved those winter roses, his sister loved those roses, one of the only feminine things Lyanna loved that she was open about. Lyanna tried so hard to be like the rest of her family, all men, with their rough ways, she never understood that she could be different from her brothers and father, that she could love different things, even like different things. That its alright. Us indulging her never did her any favors, its the injudicious way we treated her that's resulted in this folly. No, no, that's idiotic, its unjust to blame things on a fifteen year old girl, when a grown man and the Crown Prince to boot, who in his madness and hubris led us all to ruin. Even so, even so, we really should have taught her better, either raised her fully in the traditions of Shieldmaidens as Bear Islanders do, or as fully as a Northern Lady, who runs her husbands House and fief as a near equal. We sheltered her and indulged her, but never enough, instead of teaching her to wield sticks in the Godswood as play, we should have taught to wield steel in the yard, instead of letting her run wild on her horse, we should put a lance in her hand. Instead of forcing her to just sit through the Southern Maester's lectures, we should have let her shadow the steward too and let her learn how an actual household is run. A bit of responsibility might have matured her.

Haa, regret is truly poison.

A soft clearing of a throat behind him almost startled Ned enough to reach for his blade, steady! you are at war no longer, Ned. Carefully keeping his face blank Ned turned towards Catelyn, only to be once again struck by her sheer beauty, my wife, perhaps one of the most beautiful women in the Seven Kingdoms, if not the world. How the fuck did that happen?! For all her beauty though, the look she was giving was cold enough to freeze blood in his veins, no matter, push through it, Ned.

"My Lady, I wished to apologize, for how I spoke to you in our last conversation, and for insinuations I made at your Lord Father, I know perfectly well things are yet unsettled in the Riverlands, Lord Tully has much on his plate, a thing or two might have slipped his mind, I have been an unworthy goodson when I voiced such thoughts to you, My Lady, I was being defensive and lashing out, when I should have made my thoughts clearer", Ned said, with as much as contrition he can put into his voice, he even wanted to show it in his face, but he always had trouble expressing himself, war and death and grief had only made that harder. Sometimes he felt, if he ever let go of his iron grip, he would shatter into a thousand pieces. Tone and sincerity have to be enough, they just have to be.

"Why should you apologize, my Lord Husband. You are Lord and Master of this House and these Lands, I am yours to command as you wish. It should be me apologizing for my outburst and my temerity in questioning your decisions, whatever they may be," Catelyn replied in perfect monotone so flat and devoid of feeling that every word struck like one of Robert's hammer-blows.

"My Lady", Ned started, only to stop and start again, considerably softening his tone, "no, Catelyn, exactly an year ago, I lost my brother and father, and that is at the same time I learned that my sister is abducted, probably being raped, possibly even dead. And that the King demands my head on a platter. I was suddenly Lord of the North, a position I neither wanted nor ever prepared for. I fought, because fighting and winning was the only hope that I had of ever finding Lyanna, of my remaining brother had at life. After all the death and misery, I did find Lyanna, only for her to die in my arms. News of Robb's birth was one of the only two moments of happiness I had in that dark time. The second is when I held Jon in my hands for the first time. I cannot lose any-more of my blood, Catelyn. I just cannot. Do not think I don't understand the dishonour this is to you Catelyn, or the pain I cause. My own mother would not have stood for my father's bastard raised under her roof, neither would any woman. While Northerners are more tolerant of natural born children, Noble Houses do foster them out. What I am doing is very much against custom and tradition and a personal injury against you. But I cannot send Jon away, I do not think I can send Robb or any other children we might have away from me either, even for fosterages. I wake in the middle of night, sweat slick and heart pounding and rush to nursery, to see that Robb and Jon are really there. That they haven't just disappeared into thin air. Like my father did, like my brother did. Their tombs are empty, Catelyn. My father's ashes were dumped in a midden heap, which was later dumped in Blackwater Rush, I do not know what happened to Brandon's body. I asked, I hounded for answers at the Red Keep, anybody who might have known were killed in the Sack. This irrational fear that I will one day go to sleep and wake up to learn all of my family is dead gnaws at my soul. I need to know Robb and Jon are alive, I need to see them, before I sleep and after I wake, everyday. Do you understand? I need this, if I cannot have it I fear I will go mad. I do sincerely apologize for the profound hurt my actions have caused and continue to cause Catelyn. I can only ask for forgiveness, Catelyn, because I will not change my mind."

For long minutes Catelyn only stared at him, before asking softly, "Is this why you keeping taking Robb, and", And Catelyn gritted her teeth before continuing, "Jon, out of the nursery?"

"Yes"

"I will never be a mother to the boy."

"I will never ask it of you."

"I cannot forgive you, not yet, perhaps not ever."

"That decision is and will ever be your choice, forgiveness is something I can only plea for, but it will never be demanded of you."

"I need time, to decide how I feel about all of this."

"We have a lifetime, if you will continue to have me."

"Have a good day, my Lord Husband", Catelyn said with a perfect curtsey, that title was uttered more softly, perhaps more genuinely compared the one from just awhile ago.

"Have a good day, my Lady Wife", Ned replied with a bow deep enough for any queen.