Chapter Seven: We Can't Be Friends
"I didn't think you'd understand me
How could you ever even try?
I don't wanna tiptoe, but I don't wanna hide
But I don't wanna feed this monstrous fire
Just wanna let this story die
And I'll be alright
We can't be friends
But I'd like to just pretend
You cling to your papers and pens
Wait until you like me again"
The long, braided hair of the Slytherin girl was pulled out of the way by her delicate hand. Long and slender fingers curled around the braid as she turned her body more toward the long-standing mirror. Her eyes scanned her body in the full-length image of herself with interest, observing the meticulous details of her gown and how it molded to her frame. I watched as she tried to get a better look at Aurora next, who was lacing the back of the deep violet gown, pulling the strings tightly, and watching her feet so as to not step on the handmade dress.
It was quite a lavish ball gown that Aurora was able to throw together in such a short amount of time, even somehow having time to make hers and mine. Granted the majority was more than likely used with magic, but her talent for creating something out of nothing was remarkable. I tried to help the best I could, but I didn't have the aptitude that Aurora did. The satin dress was created made with an A-Line shape that came in at the waist and flared out to the bottom creating the illusion of a curve more than what Elowyn had. The bodice was decorated with flowery, intricate, lace that traveled down the waistline, arranged to splay out a bit before ending shortly afterward. The lace spread over the off-the-shoulder straps and was decorated with beads and rhinestones that shimmered under the brighter light of the room, thanks partially to the daylight that broke through the window and were more prominently sewn around the straight-lined neckline.
"Almost done…" Aurora said a little breathlessly while tugging in the strings more at the top this time. Elowyn gave a disgruntled look while holding her dress to her stomach. I doubted there would be a next time when she would request such a constricting gown after this. The mirth of the situation was evident in my smile that threatened to expose itself had I not covered my lips.
I took this moment to take in just how Elowyn looked in her dress. Granted her preference for anything purple was a trademark for her, but to see her in such a luxuriously styled dress was rather alien to me. I wasn't just looking at the little girl who used to beg us to levitate her in circles to give the impression of cartwheels, stating it helped her figure out just how to do them, but she was not yet old enough to be considered a woman, nor a young adult. I reminisced on the times she'd play dress up, and although she'd usually opt for much more creative outfits than just princess dresses, it was a special moment to see how she has truly grown up from those memories.
"Aaand, ta-da! Oh, look at you!" Aurora beamed at Elowyn's reflection in the mirror while putting her hands on the girls' shoulders. I couldn't help the pride that swelled in my throat, a hand was placed over my chest as I saw the teen girl's joyful smile. She blinked a couple of times and marveled at herself within her reflection, putting her hands on her hips to feel the embroidered lace, swishing her dress from side to side, and turning to see the lace-up corset back of it. She turned to look up at Aurora and hugged her as best as she could; the tool under the dress had put up a bit of space from its wide berth but didn't stop the squeezing hug.
"Thank you so, so much Aurora! It's exactly what I wanted!" She sighed happily while pulling away and gazing more at herself, pulling the dress up and continuing to be amazed by her appearance in the mirror before turning to me. "What do you think, Maeve? How does it look?"
I smiled wildly at her, fighting the urge to let the burn of tears threaten to come through. I hugged her to hide what my eyes couldn't. "You're so elegant, my Star," I spoke softly to her while pulling away and holding her face in my hands, her rosy cheeks of bashfulness didn't make her pull away from the touch. "You're going to be the most dazzling girl there, you know." I let my hands fall while taking in more of her appearance.
She scoffed while shaking her head and rolling her eyes to turn back to the mirror, completely taken over and admiring herself in it. "I doubt that, but I'll be close." She giggled causing Aurora and I to join in.
After helping her out of her dress Elowyn wasn't able to stay long since she needed to confer with Hermione about the hair and makeup situation. Earlier she asked if I could assist them with both of them in this endeavor, and since I would have the honor and better luck with that instead of her dress, I contentedly agreed to help both girls out.
Aurora gave a heavy sigh as Elowyn left, turning directly to me with hands on her hips with a fixed look in her eye.
"Your turn, missy." She said with a brisk movement to the large wardrobe that now had Elowyn's dress placed back into it. Thankfully, the Undetectable Extension charm had created a perfect amount of room for her regular clothes, and all three of our dresses. She pushed back the long dark violet dress and reached to pull out the crimson dress out carefully as she could.
It took a few minutes but with Aurora's help, I was able to get into the gown to take a more critical look at myself in the mirror.
The material of the dress was silky but felt satiny with the type of fabric she used. It had thin straps that hung the cowl neck that cupped around my chest and complimented it tastefully. The corset was fitted tightly around my ribcage, the boning bodice stopped just before my actual waistline. The long skirt had been sewn with hidden belly pleats before flowing out, a thigh slit had been added that allowed the dress to flare out more instead of constricting it due to the mermaid style. I loved how the ensemble turned out, and the color, but something to me seemed off about the appearance.
"I know that look," Aurora said with a bit of tenseness in her voice. "Is it too much? I thought the slit would be fun if done tactfully–"
"No, no, I love it but…" I sighed as I turned myself around to face her, picking up the dress to not trip over it. "Weirdly enough I'm having second guesses on the color." I sighed as I looked back to continue looking at myself.
"Oh, thank Gods, that's so much easier to change on short notice!" she laughed as her nervousness vanished before straightening up and looking over the gown and myself. "Hmm… well, you do always wear red, so it's understandable if you might want to try a different color now and then." She sent a teasing wink my way.
"Ha, ha, I know. I just know what I like is all, but I think you're right. The question is: what else would look good on me?"
My seamstress companion took a moment to ponder this before grabbing her wand and giving in a swishing wave. The color faded to into darkness until it was black, the cowl neckline staying the same crimson red as before. "That's definitely you." Aurora mused.
I nodded but it wasn't the flare that I wanted. "It is, but I want something really different this time. I don't want people to automatically know me or expect the color." I explained.
"Oh, we're wanting to step it up, huh? Let's try a couple of different colors then!" Aurora suggested with delight.
We went through a few suggestions she thought would be complimentary. A royal blue that looked okay but clashed with my dark auburn hair in my opinion much to her protest. A silver color that was just too plain, a daffodil color that convinced me Aurora was trying to test my patience. Her giggle only confirmed my suspicions. Aurora then suggested to see what a mauve pink would look on me ("It would certainly be a witty theme for you to pull!") and I hated that worse than the others I'd seen. After a moment of staring at myself, I asked her to try a green.
"Emerald, more specifically." I clarified. She complied with the idea before giving another swish of her wand and the emerald hue enveloped the gown. My eyes lit up with how the color complimented my hair, not clashing at all thanks to how dark it already was. It didn't wash me out and was completely different than what I would ever wear. It looked perfect for the dress, too. Aurora gave a hum of approval before clicking her tongue and smiling at me.
"Now, that's… how you make a statement."
)))(((
Time passed quickly during the next two weeks leading up to Christmas, more importantly to the student body, the Yule Ball. Between the end-of-term exams being rushed to be completed by the vast majority of students, the extra help offered to any of them who struggled, trying to catch up with Harry's life and making sure he wasn't experiencing anything out of the norm, and Elowyn and getting everything ready for the ball, the days started and ended in a blur. Any free time I had I tried my best to balance between myself and Severus. It wasn't easy for him either since he was also caught up in his work; I was met most of the time with an overtaxed professor who would eventually calm himself to be tolerable enough to be around. Most of that time we were grading papers together which left very little time to chat, unless of course I started getting bored and tried pestering him a bit. We hadn't once brought up the ball, instead had focused on the obvious tasks in front of us rather than on the upcoming event.
After exams I was flooded with spending even more time with Harry and Elowyn, both were nervous about different things. They had endless questions about girls, and boys, how to not seem weird in front of them during a dance, how to properly perform the traditional Yule Ball waltz, and whatnot. It became tedious and a little overwhelming, but the two seemed to be at ease after speaking with me even if I didn't know every single answer to what they were asking. They were content so that's all that mattered.
Elowyn had finally come to reconcile things between me and her, stating that her issue lay within more that she felt like I wasn't being truthful with her because of the way that I lingered around Severus. I took the time to explain that we had known each other for a long time. Much like Aurora, she found it hard to believe we had a friendship at all but seemed to analyze this as making sense for how we interacted now. It didn't stop her questioning about how she had never been told about him, to which I explained we had lost contact and just rekindled the friendship. It was a roundabout way, but it seemed to settle any suspicions she had before. She didn't like the news of me going with Severus to the ball and tried once again to poke and prod her way into finding more information, but I reminded her that friends can attend the ball together if they so choose. She seemed to consider this and ended up accepting this information.
A part of me felt like I was covering something up when I told her this, but she was just a teenager. She didn't need to know the complex situation within my mind and heart at this time. Maybe, even ever.
The only time Severus brought up the much-anticipated dance was when he was adamant about being on time since he frowned upon any type of tardiness. Promising him that I would show up and reminding him that I had to get Elowyn, Hermione, and myself ready he suggested (rather curtly) to make sure to have enough time to do so. I commended him on his attitude toward punctuality, even though I had to resist the eye roll that dared to show itself, and planned to make sure I had adequate time to doll the girls up along with getting ready myself.
Before I knew it Friday came with preparations for the ball that started a bit early for all of us girls. Everything from facial masks, doing our nails and toes, placing so much hair in many curlers, snacking in between preparations, and last-minute critiques of the styling they wanted. The hours rolled by quickly between the giddy chatter between us all, taking enough care to allow me to paint everyone's face. I even helped Aurora out with her makeup since it felt a little rude to not include her, and I wanted her to feel her best while looking her best.
"Elowyn tells me you're going with Professor Sinistra, Aurora." Hermione had commented as I just finished pinning the last of the sparkling star-burst jewel in her hair.
"Oh, yes," Aurora tittered while putting a hand over her face, just finishing lacing Elowyn in her dress. "Just two friends enjoying the night is all… Just like Maeve and Severus, you know." Aurora casually dropped this while moving to get her dress out of the wardrobe, winking in my direction.
"It's not too surprising, is it?" Hermione teased Elowyn who crinkled her nose.
"Just like Aurora and Sinistra, Severus and I will be there solely on the principle of friendship, Miss Granger." I straightened before leaning forward and stuck my tongue out at her, earning laughter from her and the other girls in the room.
Aurora's dress brought summertime to the winter event; the marigold color emphasized her skin tone glowing like honey in the sunlight. The fabric was chiffon with an A-Line silhouette, a deep V-shaped neckline that accentuated her cleavage without over neckline came together at the top of her waist where the fabric was cinched in, about two inches wide before flaring out with the rest of the flowing fabric to the floor length hemline. The puffy see-through sleeves draped down to her forearms where the fabric wrapped around on the ends, creating a definition for her forearms.
I decided to style her hair in an updo, allowing for her signature lock to hang while the rest of her hair was pulled back in a sleek, twisted bun. Her makeup was still as natural as possible, but this time paired with a darker shade of cinnamon-colored lipstick and noticeable eyeliner with yellow-shadow lining her bottom lashes to let her coffee eyes pop. I adorned the back of her hair with a white gold clip in the shape of a daisy, the petals were enchanted to feel like real petals but wouldn't fall or couldn't be plucked. She kept her jewelry simple, with small, white gold, single chain earrings that glittered when the light caught them. She paired those up with white gold and regular gold pair of bangles and a pair of ivory kitten heels.
The girls were now in their dresses, Hermione's periwinkle dress truly captured the natural beauty that she was. Her usually unruly hair was tamed into ringlets and styled with matching starbursts pined throughout in an updo style, with a section of hair left out. She couldn't stop her own gawking in the mirror, either.
Elowyn's dress had more body than all of our dresses, but it wasn't outrageously puffed. She had allowed her hair to be down for the occasion, the thick hair was given beachy waves, the left side of her hair had been pulled back and clipped in with a light violet flower, the bud in the middle encrusted with an amethyst. Her makeup was more prominent than the other two, deciding that a brown smokey eye would look well and not overdo it on how much purple she was sporting. A bit of dark mauve with gloss layering over it for her lips pulled the look together. Elowyn and Hermione opted to add shimmering highlights and enchanting colored glitter to their hair. By the time they were done, we only had about thirty minutes before the event would start, which meant I needed to get ready immediately.
I didn't mean for time to slip away from me, but the excitement of seeing them all together, jubilant and enjoying their enhanced beauty was just a special moment I wanted to soak in and capture. I never wanted to forget this moment with them.
Rushing to put on my dress I had opted to enchant my tall, black heels with a cushioning charm to endure the rest of the night in them. As much as I loved making sure I was fashionable, I couldn't fool myself into thinking I wouldn't be taking these off in the middle of the ball if they were becoming painful to endure. Aurora was lacing me up as I enchanted my makeup rather than putting it on by hand to save some time. I used my energy to control the makeup and created a bold cat eyeliner look, using a light brown to contour my lids to compliment the depth of the crease, a peach blush, and a dark red lip. My hair had a natural wave to it, but I wanted tighter curls to flow down my back.
I pulled the hair on the sides of my face back and secured this look with a simple black metal, emerald jeweled clip. A few curled pieces had fallen over which I kept since it framed my face nicely. The clip matched the small, tear-drop Emerald earrings that I paired with a matching necklace that rested just at the center of my chest. I was thankful that we were able to find this jewelry in Hogsmeade or I would've felt dulled by the lack of accents, seeing as I had nothing like this on hand.
Aurora had last minute created satin gloves for me, stating it would pull the whole look together, and knew how much I liked pairing my outfits with gloves. They reached up to my biceps giving an elegant touch to my ensemble. By the time I was finished, we had a little less than fifteen minutes to gather at the Great Hall.
The two girls had left once they were finished so it was just me and Aurora descending the stairs, rushing with our dresses clutched to the sides to allow us further ease through the castle.
"I'm glad you showed me that charm; I know these aren't tall heels, but I could practically run in them!" Aurora praised.
It was rather exciting to see the other students who were congregating in their dress robes and gowns. It made the feeling of the grand ball more tangible now that everyone was gathering. I hoped to see how Harry would look on him but had yet to encounter him on my way. I could hear the buzzing of students as the scene came together when we rounded the corner at last.
Several students were lingering before the entrance. The door frame had garland hanging from the door, and icicles brandished the sides of the wood. I spotted Hermione with Victor Krum, looking dashing in his formal red wear as they headed in. Elowyn was walking in with George behind them, beaming at each other as they entered the hall. I even noticed Harry being rushed in by Parvati looking positively frazzled by all accounts.
"Oh, there she is!" Aurora exclaimed while waving to Professor Sinistra, dressed in modest crimson robes, her hair kept simple with a braided half-and-half updo.
'Good thing I chose a different color.' Mentally patting myself on my back for my change of heart.
Sinistra returned the wave with a bright smile as Aurora turned back to me with excitement. "Wish me luck, I hope you have a good time!" A rushed goodbye and she swept down the stairs, her dress flowing about her as she reached Sinistra. Holding out her arm which the Astronomy professor took, the two laughed at the dramatic greeting. My eyes followed the two women heading into the Great Hall before catching the sight of darkness, I spotted him there. His attire, upon first look, looked relatively the same as the everyday wear I'd see him in. Yet even I could tell how the ebony of the suit looked like the color of a raven's feather, it was crisp in newness and the shoulders sharper than they usually were. The black outfit made him stick out amongst the lively colors with his presence a void in the middle of it. Minerva McGonagall stood by his side while ushering in more students, occasionally commenting to him with no answer from Severus. His mind seemed to be elsewhere with the way he was scanning those who walked by him. His erected posture was much tauter than I had previously seen.
I started taking steps down as I kept my eyes on him, absorbing the fact that he was there waiting for me, and his anticipation was making him noticeably ill of ease. Minerva's double take told me she noticed my presence, audibly gasped, and pointed in my direction. He immediately followed her expletive call and flicked his eyes to lock with mine with unwavering concentration. The look on his face was as if he had found a treasure from his youth. The kind that he'd had forgotten but had found its way back to him and ignited all he valued in it.
Maybe a new modification to an advanced potion by discovering the best secret ingredient; either way I could see the elation and astonishment that was focused all on me. His eyes held me in high regard and reverence, his usual composed nature had slipped as his hands came down to his side, I could even see his chest rise when he looked at me. It wasn't in his nature to show such an expressive display, so of course this wasn't without some restraint, but even he couldn't hide this show of admiration from me.
I had broken the stiff and rigid chains of Severus Snape with just a look. The realization brought a gratified smile to my face and echoed warmth through my cheeks, and chest. Minerva had wrangled me from my thoughts as she rushed in front of Severus to approach me first.
"My, Maeve, you truly make a dashing entrance! I just saw Professors Ramsey and Sinistra head in, I must follow suit to start this dance. Do hurry in with your date," She gave an all-seeing gaze with a polite, albeit playful, smile with her emphasis "It should be spectacular!" She continued as Severus walked up slowly behind her. She waved to us both before scattering to the hall while calling in a few more students.
Though her words were kind and recognized I couldn't focus on her. My heart was racing too fast, fuzziness invaded my head that made my ears hot, and my hands felt warmer in the gloves, becoming highly aware of the exposed skin from my ankles to my face. I watched–no, felt–his eyes had taken in the shape of my body, but at the moment had come to rest on my face–on my eyes. They were soft and scintillating as they scanned my face, his mouth snapping shut to crinkle in the corner of his mouth; a smile that slowly formed imprinted into my mind. The way his whole face changed when he graced me with this show of delicate nature that he would've hidden from the world felt honorable. His posture straightened up once more, his hands held behind him, this time with a bit more ease than before but his eyes did not falter from their expressive gazing.
"Severus," A breathy greeting escaped my lips before I had any idea of what to say next. My sense of smell was overcome by the scent of bergamot, rosemary with a hint of aged brandy, and campfire that swarmed all around me as inhaled. Realizing it was coming from him I hummed with contentment; it was a peculiar scent that fit him quite nicely and smelt inviting, yet I couldn't recall a time when he'd worn it before. The fluttering in my stomach ate me alive all thanks to the man that towered over me. "You look quite dashing." I beamed at him.
He cleared his throat as his eyes lowered to the ground in contemplation for a moment before slowly locking once again with mine. "You look like the beauty of a glowing moon upon a lush forest." His velvety tone spoke with conviction, his voice soft but stood out against the sounds of everyone and everything around me. The very unique compliment caught me off guard, causing me to put a hand over my face to hide the ever-raging blush that was surely contrasting against my dress. I couldn't help but titter from how it made me feel, possibly to counteract the flooding warmth in my body and face.
"Was that… too forward?" He questioned but I waved him off and shook my head looking up at him. The faintest furrow of his brow told me he was seconds away from regretting his choice of words.
"That was poetically put, Severus." I reaffirmed, smiling a bit more at his relaxation. "Beautiful, in fact. Thank you." I glanced down to avoid detection of any timid behavior that I felt creeping out.
I took a step forward while looking up to the hall, letting the scent of the cologne embrace me. "I think it's about time we made our appearance, yes?" I spoke in a hushed tone from his side.
He nodded and the skip of a beat later he held out his arm for me to take. I hooked my hand on his bicep which felt tense under my gentle grip. I eased myself to hold onto him a little more securely and leaned against his arm, the action didn't repose but held that same taut feeling in his muscles. There was nothing else spoken as we made our way into the Great Hall. I could sense the curious eyes investigating us as we entered through the threshold, but it seemed that the majority were preoccupied with their own groups or dates. As we walked together the strained muscles had alleviated with each step taken.
I took this chance to look up at him from the corner of my eye as we navigated to the staffing area. To my surprise, I witnessed the now composed face of the Potions Master, but this time I could see that it wasn't just some refined concealment. His dark eyes which would normally hold bored judgment, or glowering threats now held the gaze of triumph, and accomplishment on his face. It wasn't like the boisterous type of nonsense that men in the past have tried to impress me with, but he seemed proud at the fact that I was hanging onto his arm, that he had entered with someone like me, that he wasn't just forcing himself to this event but escorting me to it.
Something about seeing him so content with me around him in a manner that elated me rather than disgusted me. Perhaps because I liked the idea of someone recognizing me as important that wasn't for personal gain, and not making a fool of themself by flaunting me. The subtle praise was enough for me.
I looked back and caught the bewildered eyes of Harry who completely ignored his date along with Ron. I was well aware of their dislike, hatred rather, of Severus and the equal animosity that he'd exhibit to the teens. Several times I had gone back and forth with him over the subject, and it seemed to only lessen the intensity but persisted, nonetheless. I wondered for a moment if any of them would mention this tomorrow, although I would've assumed Elowyn had mentioned something about it. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't believe her until he witnessed our arrival.
I couldn't help but snicker at their expressions before looking ahead. The whimsical and exquisitely decorated hall was encapsulated in all white, several huge Fraser Fir trees aligned on the back of the hall drenched in fake but convincing snow, icicles gleaming as they hung all throughout various places and the ceiling. The fake snow fluttered down but disappeared, never hitting the ground or guests in the open space. Tables were set up to create an open space for presumably the dance floor, drinks and finger foods were being served on the far back corner of the room. I spotted the staff and even Ludo Bagman had gathered near the front where two tables were placed on each side perpendicular to the hall for us. A live orchestra was set up at the very front of the room where light music was playing at the moment. It was truly a winter wonderland.
Everyone looked dazzling, and though I caught sight of many lingering stares it didn't bother me at all. I spotted Aurora and Sinistra chatting with Hagrid, the groundskeeper, and Care of Magical Creatures professor. Though I hadn't had an actual conversation with him, except for introductions and when Harry spoke of him in great fondness, it was adorable to see how he cleaned himself up. Madam Maxine had dressed to nearly match the theme of winter, Minerva had walked right up to Professor Dumbledore and spoke animatedly. I even spotted Karkaroff giving a nasty glare to Severus as we crossed over to join the rest of the staff. We had reached the corner closest to where the headmaster and deputy headmistress stood.
"Ah, Severus, so glad to see you've accommodated with paradisal to your attire for tonight, but our lovely Maeve here has chosen an alluring choice of a gown!" Dumbledore mused smiling brightly at the two of us. I gave a warm smile, thanking him for such a compliment as Severus merely gave the reminiscent of a smile to him. The headmaster stood with Minerva and Aurora joined with Sinistra alongside the Transfiguration professor on her other side. The loud and triumphant music began signaling for the champions to come forward.
The students had split down the middle of the entryway as the four Triwizard champions gathered with their partners. A pause of a moment later the champions descended towards the dance floor. Cheers and clapping echoed around the room as those eight students spread out amongst the floor. Harry looked highly strung with so much attention on him while Parvati was eating up the spotlight. Hermione looked radiant with a coy small, flush cheeks and graceful steps.
The music had stopped and changed; the classical tunes began, and the champions carried on to the music. It seemed that Harry wasn't able to be as graceful as the other three, seemingly distracted with Cedric Diggory's date more than his own. If I remembered right that must've been the Cho Chang that Harry had mentioned before.
Soon Dumbledore escorted McGonagall to the dance floor, followed by a few others to fill the dance floor with nearly all of the students and faculty. Even Hagrid and Madame Maxine had taken upon the chance to dance among everyone.
"How precious," I commented as I watched the rather tall and large couple move around amongst everyone else.
"You have an interesting definition of what precious means, Selini," Severus commented. I looked up at him with a pop of my eyebrow.
"Do I? That could be up for debate, I suppose." I mused as another smile swept my face. "Although I can't deny that what they're all doing looks like a lot of fun… and my dress happens to flare quite nicely when I'm spun." My attempt at coaxing a dance at him didn't go unnoticed.
He flicked his gaze to me, apprehension sketched over his face and debating on how to respond before looking away. "Your subtly needs work." He commented, though his tone didn't suggest annoyance or anything negative. It seemed he was doing his best to negate away from the idea of dancing, and though disappointed I wasn't going to beg him to throw me around the dance floor.
I nodded while scoffing. "True, but at least I get the point across, right?" I teased. Severus cleared his throat but remained silent.
Severus' eyes were shifting from me to the dance floor before finally speaking. "I think we're both due for some refreshments." He stated quickly before slinking away from the area, maneuvering around the side to head back to the refreshments table. I blinked at his sudden departure with surprise at how flighty he took off. Maybe I was being too pushy at this prospect of a dance with him, considering he didn't seem inclined to want to do so at all. Yet, I would hold out some hope that maybe later he would relax enough to dance with me. After all was it a dance if the verb of the word never happened?
The next song had commenced so I decided to walk around the sides of the dance floor, catching sight of Aurora and Sinistra beginning their dance, looking carefree with her date with their laughter and graceful movements. Elowyn had also stepped onto the dance floor with George in hand, looking rather pink in her cheeks and shy as she was brought out. Her ginger-haired date looked to be consoling her, possibly cheering her up from her anxiety I was sure flaring up for her.
I found a place near the opposite side of where I started and took a seat on one of the benches that was placed there. Watching the others dancing with the array of swirling colors of dresses was mesmerizing to behold. As I admired the beauty of the dancing, I would occasionally look for Severus, barely able to find him at the table in the back through the sea of bodies if it weren't for his height.
"You two seem pretty smitten." The gruff voice broke me from my concentration, snapping my vision to my left I saw Alastor Moody bobbing with the tune, taking a drink from his skull-capped flask and looking directly at me. "Never would've guessed you two would go so public like that." He hiccupped while licking his lips.
I refrained from rolling my eyes at his words, looking out in front of me while responding with impassiveness. "We're just friends but figured it would be acceptable to attend together. A fun way to keep everyone on their toes, right?"
"Oh yes!" He exclaimed, laughing with vigor while swaying closer to me. "A bit exciting I'd say. You never know what people might say about you or to you. For example, I'm surprised you haven't asked me much about Mr. Potter's endeavors." His swiveling mechanical eye looked me up and down as the other kept its hold on me. I gave him a peculiar look considering the segway of the conversation, glancing to make sure no one else could hear us before scooting a little closer.
"I keep up with him myself, you know. Dumbledore asked us both to do that."
"Ahh, but having someone like me look out for him is a completely different type of observation." He retorted, holding up his flask once more before taking another drink of it. Whatever liquor he was nursing was treating him far too kindly for this to not lead to a horrible morning for him.
I tilted my head to the side, observing him for a moment. "I mean, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to converse about that sometime." I offered.
"If I can pry you away from Snape and Ramsey for more than five minutes, we could!" He gave a hearty laughter before grunting and speaking again. "I would be lying if I didn't say I was curious about that energy magic of yours, either. In all my years I've never seen anything like what I'm told." He added.
Of course, this had an undertone for a secret motive, even if it was concerning Harry at all, it didn't change the fact the conversation was now headed in a direction of personal interest to Moody. This could even involve something, or someone, with more of an interest.
"Yes, well, I hope this is more so just curiosity and not something the Ministry has put you up to," I scoffed while folding my arms and recrossing my legs. "I thought Barty Crouch would be satiated with all the years I've been of service." Mumbling my reply to it didn't seem to go unnoticed.
"Crouch has no say in this!" He stated curtly, snapping his lingering vision from the scenery and dancers to me with his startling objection. "Besides, you should get to know your colleagues a bit better; never know who's got your back or who would turn a blind eye to it." He pointed assuredly at his flicking blue eye rolling around in his head as his human eye bore into me.
It was quite unnerving with how abruptly he reacted, but perhaps I offended him in a way where he was sincere about his interest. I frowned a bit and tried to turn the conversation around. "My apologies. Barty has always given me grief to be damn near perfect in what I do, and it tends to leave me tensed with anything involving him." I shrugged. What I offered seemed to sink in with him as he sat up a bit more, nodding slowly at my words and looking down.
"Heart of stone he's got…" He shook his head and looked back to me almost changed before making a grunt of dismissal. "Never mind that you'll come for tea soon then I take it. Best not to leave me hanging too long, or else I'll come and find you myself." Hearing Moody tease me was something I didn't think I'd encounter, but even then, I suppose whatever he was drinking made him more playful than the normally frazzled and paranoid behavior he had. I blinked and nodded while looking back for Severus.
I found him once more, but something was wrong; he looked as if he had stopped in place, our drinks had been sat on a table as his right arm clutched his left. I couldn't make out the exact expression he made when he quickly turned and headed out of the Great Hall. I didn't have much time to react as the announcement of a well-known magical band, The Weird Sisters, would be performing. The announcement made the rest of the student body cheer with enthusiasm as they gathered on the dance floor. The classical instruments had been switched out with a drum set, guitar, bass, and a microphone stand. I took this chance to get up and move through the student body in search of Severus.
"Maeve, Maeve!" I heard Aurora's voice call for me from the left who just rushed up to me with Sinistra by her side. "Elowyn wants to dance with us when this band starts playing; apparently she loves their music and wants us all to listen." She giggled at the end.
I smiled and held up a hand to soothe her excited state. "I have no problem doing that, but first I have to locate my date…" I spoke out loud while turning around back to the entrance, hoping he'd pop back up somewhere.
"Ohh, yes," Sinistra spoke up while giving a playful smile. "You've made quite the statement walking; Aurora's told me all about how those rumors are false, but I'm sure now it will convince some of us differently." She put a hand up to cover her playful smile. Aurora couldn't help but giggle while shushing her to cease the teasing. I gave Sinistra an equally playful roll of my eyes before waving her off.
"As if we don't have enough to preoccupy ourselves rather than indulging in such thing." I countered with a chuckle. I excused myself from the two before heading on my way once again, stating I needed to try and coerce Severus back to the ball. I noticed that Harry and Ron were sitting at a table, looking bored, annoyed, and otherwise not enjoying their time there. The Patil sisters looked much worse than they did.
"Well, hello boys. Why aren't you and these two lovely ladies dancing?" I asked casually while motioning to the two girls. Harry looked up at me, sighing and ready to answer but Ron's snappish answer interjected.
"We're not feeling up to mingling with traitors." He looked and sounded worse than Harry in that moment. It gave me a chance to take in his very vintage attire. The colors truly clashed with his hair and undertones, and potentially that was why he was in a sour mood, but I could tell something else was bothering him much more. I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow at him curiously.
"Well, don't waste the night away…" I gave Harry a weary look before leaving the two to their sulking nature, giving a sympathetic to the two girls whose nights were looking dreadful all around. I resumed my walking, waving to Hermione and Victor Krum who were enjoying their drinks.
I wasn't sure where I was heading, but I figured a look around the courtyard wouldn't be a bad place to start. The bitter cold outside had drifted in from the side door of the foyer. I had left the door, startled by the intense cold and the sudden look of two teens making out. The two turned, the boy ready to tell off whoever spotlighted their intimate moment when he realized it was his professor standing in front of them. Though I was sure I hadn't had them in class it was evident they were aware of who I was. I put my hands on my hips and gave a bored tone before ushering them away.
"Five points from each of you for not finding a less obvious spot." I sneered before the two scattered away. At least make a move somewhere more private.
Hugging myself tightly I started walking around the carriages parked in the middle of the courtyard. It was truly picturesque just taking in the scenery of decorations that lined the way to the courtyard. The light from the fairies had guided my way and would've distracted me had it not been for the voices abruptly hitting my ears the closer I advanced to the courtyard. I had recognized one of them as Karkaroff whose agitation was prevalent at whoever it was. I kept my movements slower, hiding and peeking behind the columns and moving past each, allowing them and the carriages to hide my presence.
"It's happening, again, like before!" Karkaroff snarled in his attempt at a hushed tone. "Soon neither you nor any else will be able to deny it!"
I maneuvered to take a peek from the other side of the column and spotted the black robes of Severus, walking around and checking each carriage while blatantly trying to ignore the Durmstrang headmaster.
"When you're ready to leave Igor, I see no reason to discuss it." The blunt force of Severus made me realize he was losing patience with the other man, pausing only for a moment near my direction. I was worried I was spotted by my date, but with swift movements and his wand now pointed at the carriage I had just passed, it seemed my cover hadn't been blown.
"Lumos!" He cried out as the carriage window had fallen and revealed two more teens amid a steamy moment together. He ripped the door open proclaiming points taken to the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw that scurried out of the carriage, running off. Slamming the door, I watched as Karkaroff had cut him off before he could turn away.
"It's a sign, Severus! You know it is!" He insisted, glaring down with desperation at him.
"Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." He waved Karkaroff off while stepping around him, continuing to inspect the carriage behind him.
'Sign? What in the world is he talking about?' I thought to myself, straining to listen while doing my best to stifle the chills that were running up and down my body, narrowing my eyes at Igor.
"Really?" Karkaroff challenged while turning around to face Severus' back. "Perhaps, you wouldn't mind rolling up your sleeve, huh?" Karkaroff moved to Severus' left arm, the Potions Master was quicker to react as he lifted it away. The Durmstrang headmaster gave a sinister laugh at the sudden movement.
"You don't fool me, Severus! You. Are. Scared–admit it!" Karkaroff seethed.
I watched as Severus took an intimidating step closer to Igor, staring just slightly up at him as he spoke. Though Severus was a few inches shorter compared to the massive height of Karkaroff it didn't diminish the unnerving stare, the controlled posture that Severus displayed.
"I have nothing to be scared of Igor… Can you say the same?"
The two held their staring contest, Karkaroff's expression changed slightly under Severus' confidence yet warning of a stare. It was clear that Severus knew something that Igor was mentioning, though in his place didn't seem to be worried enough about it. Igor Karkaroff, however, looked as if he had much to be concerned and afraid about. Karkaroff took a few steps back and started retreating toward the opening I was occupying. Straightening myself up as best as I could I prepared to act like I was walking forward just as he rounded the corner, stopping short with surprise as he stared me down.
"Ahh, Maeve Thorne, what a pleasant surprise." He commented, standing far too close for my liking as he smiled down at me. His face resembled that of a wild animal that had just cornered his prey. "Out for a stroll? Denying everyone from seeing your stunning dress…" His tone implied something other than what I had been wearing.
My glare resembled the cold that surrounded us as I crossed my arms. "I'm looking for Severus, you know, my date?" Though words were shaky from the cold, the anger in me did little to warm me up. I tilted my head to the side while squeezing past him making sure no part of myself touched him while I went to walk into the courtyard. A strong and hot hand grabbed my forearm to pull me back, whipping my eyes to seethe at Karkaroff whose eyes had narrowed but kept the same grotesquely perverse smile from before.
"I'm sure Severus wouldn't mind if I stole you for a dance, you look like you need the warmth." He started with no indication of releasing me from his vice grip. I tugged to try and release myself before the appearance of a wand pointed straight at Igor Karkaroff's face wiping that pleased look that he had off.
"I do mind." The scathing, hissing voice of Severus could cut through the cold of the night, sending a shiver that didn't come from the drifting slow flakes or light wind. I looked up at his contorted angry expression, his flared nostrils and sneer-baring teeth ready to speak any incantation to show Igor exactly how much he minded. The lively flare in his eyes with the fairy glow showed the clear indication that regardless of consequences he'd do what he pleased in that moment. To witness such ferocity in my honor was enough to make me nearly forget about how cold and uncomfortable I had been. Igor swiftly let go of my arm before taking a few steps back, eyes locked with Severus as his displeasure returned before storming off once more.
"Guess he would've k-kidnapped me given the chance…" I mumbled while rubbing my arms, the gloves doing very little to help. My bottom lip was starting to quiver from the cold quickly overtaking everything in me. I needed to drag him in now if he still wanted to call me his date or get used to the idea of me as a match icicle decoration. While watching him stalk off down the corridor I looked back to a rather tense Severus slowly lowering his wand and turning to me. His stiff posture returned upon connecting with my eyes before he spoke. "Don't you have something to cover up?"
The immediate reaction to scold him for my looks faded away when I realized that he meant the obvious freezing state I was in. I shook my head almost unable to say anything else. "L-Let's go inside, please," I spoke. With a swift wave from his wand, I was enveloped in the sudden warmth of a soft cotton, emerald, green blanket that wrapped around my shoulders. It was much warmer than I would've expected, but it was instantly able to shake away the majority of winter's wrath on my body.
I sighed with relief and smiled up at him, thanking him and glancing to the side before looking back up at him. "I came looking for you; I noticed you left and just wanted to make sure you were alright."
He nodded once and averted my eyes before speaking. "I needed to do my rounds first… seems it didn't take too long within the night for the students to run off with each other." The sneer on his lip was something I couldn't help but chuckle at.
"You missed two when I came out." I pointed out when he finally looked at me. "Don't worry, I performed my chaperone duties just as well. What were you and Karkaroff talking about?" I decided to investigate the strange altercation between the two.
He looked at me for a moment, seeming like a statue before he sighed and scoffed while flicking his eyes. "Pay no mind to his ramblings; Igor remains paranoid about anything he stirs up in his mind."
I knew I wasn't going to be able to get anything else out of him at the moment and decided to let it slide. The two didn't like each other, that was for sure, and maybe it was just something that Igor was trying to start issues with Severus based solely on whatever he came up with. I shrugged and smiled at him giving him my appeasement at his answer.
His face relaxed, and though the glow lit his face well enough to see I couldn't distinguish if I saw a smirk forming. His eyes told me all I needed to know, however.
"Since…" He spoke in a softer tone this time, a change of character in the way he did so. "We've both seem to find ourselves upholding our roles, perhaps now would be the time to ask if you… Would have this dance with me, Selini?"
I looked up at him, the cold had made his nose red at the tip and flushed his cheeks, eyes that sparkled in the glow of the fairies. It was quite different to see him act this way, something I knew I'd treasure the tender but direct way of him asking me.
"We don't have any music." I pointed out. He nodded as if he had given it some thought before replying.
"Has that stopped us before?" He countered. A wide smile spread across my lips as I shook my head. A smirk had appeared on his lips finally, extending his hand toward me I placed mine in his. Regardless of the cold, the contact with him created heat within our hands. It was inviting and warm which caused the waves of nerves to return in my stomach. He led me out into the middle of the courtyard, the snow falling at a consistent rate, but the cold didn't break through the blanket heat. It almost seemed to reduce the flakes to water droplets whenever near it.
He guided my hand to spin me to face him, stepping closer to take my waist in his wide, strong hand securing my position in front of him. His hand still held mine bending lower to rest comfortably, my other arm extending to rest my hand on his broad and sturdy shoulder. The snowflakes that stuck to his black suit dissolved into cold drops of water under my touch. He started moving to guide us to both starts, I followed his swift and graceful movements and was careful to try not to slip on the snow under my feet. Completely absorbed in the way he was moving but glancing ever so often down at our feet to not make sure I wasn't going to step on him.
"Keep your eyes…" His voice was low just easily heard between us as he steered my body to close the entire space between us. The sudden move of bringing our bodies nearly touching caused me to look up at him, intaking air at the movement. "On me." He commanded, but his voice remained strangely benign. The tone wasn't harsh it was focused solely on me paying attention to him.
He pushed away to then twirl me in place before coming up from behind, my body coming to press against his chest. The action that caught me off guard spun the blanket off of me, but thanks to his body heat the sharp chill of the night was dulled against him. It made my chest flutter and when I turned my head to look into his eyes once more, I couldn't stop the sly, flirtatious smile on my lips from creeping up.
He didn't smile back but his eyes told me everything in that moment, the contentment, the softness of comfortability, the gaze of longing. He took steps and guided me to turn slowly with me, holding my eyes in his command making every bit of nerve explode with feeling. The empty courtyard and silence other than the crunch of snow from our shoes and our breathing allowed for this moment to be more intimate than I realized and wondered if he did as well.
He turned me once more before removing me from the close space he created, creating a similar movement in the steps we did at the beginning. I was left speechless with how his graceful movements, the dominant command he demanded wasn't harsh or striking but drew me in with how precise in an unspoken way. It didn't try to overload me, but a steady pull that kept me locked in. We had stopped for a moment locked into a staring contest of unspoken words.
I had felt this once before, but now with a clear mind and in a different place in my life yet it was as if I was transported back in time. I couldn't control taking a closer step to him, he stood tall but didn't more. I could guess that the cold had taken my ankles prisoner by making them rather stiff, during this intimate dance I could only focus on Severus, and the circumstances caused me to buckle and slip forward. His strong arm caught me the moment I fell, enclosing me in a tight grasp around my body. My hands had found their way to steady myself against his chest, leaning into his body as I found my footing. Looking back up at him I found his eyes once again.
I remembered that night instantly and how it paralleled to now. A night with just us finding our way into each other's arms.
I wasn't sure what I was thinking except for how I longed to relieve that kiss once again. I started to reach forward to place my lips on his when he lifted a hand to place it on my shoulder, pushing back lightly. "Selini, don't." The low command of Severus may have had the appearance of being gentle, but the firm statement wasn't lost on me.
I pulled back and blinked at him, unsure of how to respond to him. My lips tried to form something to say to him, a protest, a question, or just something but couldn't fathom how to respond. He seemed to catch my startled state and shook his head, stepping back and letting his arms fall from my figure. "I shouldn't have done this." He mumbled while turning away, a hand raising to pint the bridge of his nose as the clear frustration started to rise with him.
'What did I do?' The thought painfully made me anxious; what shouldn't he have done?
"W-What do you mean, Severus?" I stuttered out, partially from the panic in my chest as I turned to find the blanket from before, grabbing it and throwing it over my shoulders once more as I continued. "What shouldn't you have done?"
"It was a bad idea for us to come here tonight, to be here together." He spoke abruptly, turning away from me and immediately clutching his arm once again, slinging it to rid himself of whatever discomfort before looking at me once more. He changed at that moment, looking at me with a curled lip of disdain and eyes of lament. "It was a mistake, Selini."
Was I so delusional in believing that he would return a kiss, that I somehow just ruined this time with us? This sudden mood swing coming from him left me dizzy, confused and irritated. "Severus, I don't understand, you were more than fine just a moment ago. What's gotten into you?"
"What's gotten in me is the understanding that it's far too unprofessional for us to be seen like this!" He cut me off once more. His voice was harsher than it had been in a long time, his brows furrowing as if deceiving himself that it was some sort of lie.
"Seen like this?" I repeated incredulously looking at him wide-eyed, the snow falling on us was the only movement during the conversation pause. "No one is here to see us! N-No, I don't believe you. It's not like Aurora and Sinistra are in violation of something inappropriate, or even Hagrid and Maxime!" I couldn't stop the volume of my voice rising while crossing my arms to secure the heating blanket around me. I squinted at him to try and read something on his face that would tell me what the actual issue was. "Don't do this, Severus, that was a beautiful dance–"
"Oh, yes, a beautiful dance just the perfect setup for you, isn't it?" He roared while stepping closer to me, his stature becoming so overbearing that I took a step back. "It's insulting for you to believe that I'd risk another situation for you to get what you wanted from me, again. Same tricks, same manipulative little brat of a girl you've always been!"
The cold inhaled breath held itself in my throat at his cruel words. Blinking I couldn't hide my hurt from him. "Severus–"
"Don't, Selini. Whatever you have to say is null." He growled while leaning in closer, the muscles in his face twitching to control a look of detest, his eyes blank as an abyss with the absence of any warmth I had felt from him moments before. "I refuse to be your plaything." He hissed before turning away, taking long strides to leave the courtyard. He left me there in the cold, the sound of his steps fading away leaving me shocked and hurt that consumed me once more, this time within my body. His words were sharper than I had experienced from him before, leaving me gasping for air as the threat of tears emerged in my eyes. I covered my mouth for a moment before fanning my eyes, looking up to try and force them back in.
Was I leading him on somehow? If so, then how? It wasn't that I was trying to put him in a position to play with his feelings, nor did I want to, but the way it sounded still didn't sit right with me. He danced with me with such an affinity between us and now somehow, I've been blamed for playing with him like a toy. I shook my head and pulled the blanket closer to me, walking with newfound motivation to confront him once more. How dare he give me such a pathetic excuse for a reason he was so upset with me when I did nothing but lean in for what I thought would've been a mutual kiss! Then spoke to me like I was in the wrong of such assumptions. Marching my way as best as I could in my dress and heels, I went through the side where I hid earlier and through the same door back inside.
It led me back to the foyer where I noticed that night had dwindled, the event would surely be over soon. What was more striking was the appearance of Elowyn holding a sobbing Hermione on the stairs while an awkward, yet sympathetic-looking George crouched by his date. As much as I was ready to chase after Severus, I couldn't just dismiss such an obviously hurt Hermione. At least it was a potential moment to gather myself and distract me from the range of wild emotions flowing through me.
"What's wrong?" My throat tightly constricted making my question almost inaudible, and for what felt like a repeated occurrence, walking up to sit as lady-like as possible on the other side of Hermione. Elowyn looked at me, her wince and a light shake of her head told me this wasn't the best time. Hermione was sobbing so hard that the moment she pulled away from Elowyn she took my hands in her own. "I hate him!" She cried while throwing her head down on our joined hands. I looked to the others before releasing one of my hands to soothingly pat my hands on her back. It appeared that this once-anticipated event had turned sour for a few of us.
I allowed her to cry out a bit more before telling Elowyn and George to escort her to the Gryffindor common room, whispering to my adoptive daughter that we needed to talk at some point about this. Elowyn nodded before helping her friend up, placing a gentle hand on Hermione's slender back while George moved to stand on the other side. The three left the foyer leaving me to decompress myself in near silence. The sounds of slow music were playing from the hall, there were hardly any students around, and could only guess that there wasn't much time left for the music. The Yule Ball was ending and yet my night wasn't finished, not until I had the last word with Severus Snape. I gathered myself and headed toward the dungeons.
Making my way down there through the memorized maze of stairs and corridors, anticipating the worst of the worst, and possibly a mendable outcome. I realized I didn't know exactly where his chambers were, but I remembered him saying something about his office connecting to it.
After what felt like forever, I pushed open the door of the potion's classroom, immediately walking over to the door that led to his office. Grabbing the handle, I pulled but to no avail, tugging once and twice more before huffing. I held my hand up to unlock the door with my magic, and thankfully after hearing the click of the lock, I was able to open the door with ease. Stepping through the threshold I was met with the same room I had seen before on occasion. The walls are lined with potion ingredients, vials, and glasses of all different sizes and shapes. His oval-shaped desk was stationed farther back to the left and noticed the door that stood directly across from me. Bracing myself I took a few steps forward before that very door threw itself open to reveal the tall figure of Severus approaching me, face twisted with anger as he looked at me.
"Found yourself lost?" He questioned.
"We're not done here, Severus." He went to speak once again but I raised my hand at him, my face turning to stone as I continued. "You can't tell me any of that was even worth the effort. It was a poor excuse, and poorly done; if your accomplishment was to try and push me away then you failed. You've only confused me even further and showed me just how petty you can be!" I claimed.
He scoffed as his face was held in contempt. "You can't just stop, can you? Are you forever going to trail after me like a lost mutt if my reasonings don't live up to your expectations?" He mocked.
I gave a humorless laugh. "I'll stop when I get the truth from you!"
He stared into my eyes doing his best to intimidate me while taking a step closer, drawing out his words as he spoke. "You preach to me of change, that time must've transformed you into someone unrecognizable to me, but the truth is…" He bowed to look closely into my eyes, his voice lowering to a dangerous tone. "You can't hide behind who you've always been, not from me." He pulled back as his lip curled and winced looking at me with disgust. I glared upward at him.
"Is that so?" I spoke slowly while squeezing my first so tightly I felt the sting from my nails cutting into my flesh. I couldn't concentrate on the pain; my heart racing with adrenaline to prepare for when I would strike. "You think it's adequate to judge on my childish mindset? Should I be like you and judge you on your life after Hogwarts, hm?" I pushed back taking a step forward to him, just as he took a step back a look of regret covered his face now. "Should I condemn you for your… allegiance from the mind of an ignorant and foolish boy?!" My voice raised forgetting any reasoning and only pursuing this argument with hurting him as much as he hurt me.
He narrowed his eyes at me, shaking his head slowly. "You have no idea who I was back then since it must've escaped your memory, you made your allegiance very clear. That ignorant boy found solace in the only ones who chose him!" He snarled. The tone of his voice broke something inside of my chest, the act crushing me that he spoke to me in such a manner. Regret of not being there for him flooded me till I couldn't breathe, I closed my eyes and looked away.
"So, you blame me for your downfall, is that it?" Looking back up threw bleary eyes, tears coating my vision.
"Don't you dare downplay this, Selini!" He bit back quicker, eyes glittering with fire. "You know… what it was like for me here, and because of what you did I was left with only those who took me in! I was foolish to trust them, yes, but I was more of a fool to believe you'd ever choose me. Not to mention your piss poor attempts to see me, knocking on the door so quietly, calling up to the window!" He mocked while scoffing vehemently.
My jaw dropped at this. This whole time I thought he had disappeared and yet he was telling me that he knew I was trying to reach back out to him, but also condemning me for not doing better than that. I shook my head and tightly closed my eyes trying to wrap my mind around, my hands finding their way to the sides of my head, holding air as if motioning to shake my head itself to think.
"You knew I was there, and you ignored me? How can you stand here and say I didn't try when that's obviously a sign that I was!"
"Because if I couldn't have you by my side, something more than this back-and-forth battle of tortuous flirtation, then I didn't want you at all, you incompetent woman!" He belted. I had never heard him speak in such a way before, but the words were finally registering to me.
I looked at him, no longer confused by his words. It was evident as all of the memories that I could think of came back. Of course, Severus had gone out of his way in our youth to show up for me and make me smile the way I wanted for him, but even as we were now it was a softer version of someone who grew up rough around the edges. It was like Aurora said but with more to understand.
'If anyone could have him, why not you?' I thought to myself.
Yes, Severus Snape had given his confession and unfortunately, I wasn't able to comprehend all of this at once. The back and forth of arguments, and romantic dancing were overlapping on how I should've responded. Instead, I was a stuttering mess. "By… your side? S-Severus, are you saying… you felt something more for me; even then?"
"Even then, even now." He turned fully to me starting at me with pink in his cheeks from the heated argument, fists closing and opening but his stare was nothing of a romantic gesture. "Did you deny me so much that you can't see how much I cared for you, Selini? That since we were children, I have been nothing if not ever present for you? What I gave you returned but never to the fullest." His words had calmed only slightly, his tone lowering just a bit to where he wasn't yelling like he had been. He looked down and crossed the other side of the room, putting a hand on the desk to steady himself, back turned from me. Shaking his head once he turned around and spoke once again.
"I had hoped through everything that our bond wouldn't have severed under the greatest of perils, but when Black came into the picture, swaggering around and pulling you more into him I was proved wrong. That betrayal can't just be mended with a simple apology… and, here," He turned back around, something changing in his stature as he looked down at me from his nose. "I come to you for the second time in my life to beg you to release me once more, or to finally be honest with me." He took two careful steps to me, holding my gaze in a way where I felt like I was trapped within his realm. "I cannot continue to be pushed and pulled by your forces. What do you feel for me, Selini? "
I couldn't think of anything to say, gradually letting his words work their way into my understanding. It was his confession without having to outright say the words, ever so carefully explaining how I affected him and how he wanted something more with me. "You've… y-you've… had feelings for me, this whole time?"
He made no comment or answer, just stared at me and observed me.
"You did change," I said slowly blinking while swallowing, turning away, and reaching up to run my hands through my hair, not being very careful with strands tugging and pulling with the way it was styled. How could I be so stupid to believe any differently?
Yet the seriousness of the situation was settling in; Severus was being vulnerable in front of me in a way I had only witnessed once, and almost similarly I was biding time to figure out what to say. This was the perfect opportunity to reveal what I had been holding back, to express some kind of semblance of what he was telling me. Fear had gripped my senses; what would even happen between us if I expressed these repressed feelings, I had held onto for most of my life? What would I be to him if I bared my heart about how I thought of us? I couldn't think rationally, I wasn't able to comprehend what to do exactly.
"You… you were never like this when we were younger, and you never had this courage to tell me," I mumbled, blinking away tears, trying to catch my breath.
"That's… what you're focused on?" He questioned with a flat tone, briskly walking in front of me, eyes scanning me up and down with disbelief. "I tell you I've felt this way for as long as I've known you, and you care about if I would've told you or not?"
I shook my head, the swell in my chest nearly suffocating as I thought it all over trying to find words to speak to him. "N-No, listen to me!" I stopped him. His intense stare didn't falter from my outburst but concentrated on me more.
It was right there for me to spill into him; to tell him more than what I had before this night. It was begging to crawl out of me, but I still couldn't put the words together. I failed to try and think of how to explain this to him, how to tell him that my vulnerability was exposed like an open wound and I had to hide it away from him–from everyone. I wanted to tell him how much I had felt for him, but in this state, I couldn't find the words. An invisible force held me back, maybe myself that was self-sabotaging the opportunity.
"Nothing," He spat out as he advanced closer to the door leading presumably to his chambers. "Of course, nothing in return from you." He threw open his door and slammed it shut, the tears that were brimming now flooded over as I realized he was gone, panic took over as I called back to him and pursued quickly to his door. "Wait, Severus, wait please!" I banged on the door a few times and jiggled the handle of the door once before going back to banging. "I… I… please…" I sobbed as I leaned on the heavy wooden door. I waited for him to show that somehow, he'd hear me and come back, that he would change his mind and realize I needed a moment to gather myself. Dropping to the floor and weeping trying to muffle the majority of the sound as best as I could but gave up after a moment. I had to of been sitting there for ten minutes but felt like I had been there for longer as the sobbing ceased before getting up. I realized I had lost him once more, the scars of letting him go again had ruptured once more.
A/N: WHEW! Honestly, that was a hard chapter to write lol I know you're all probably really confused with what's transpired, but let me just clarify that what you're probably confused about will be cleared up in the next chapter. We'll get to see Severus' POV, what's going on in his mind, why the sudden mood changes from him about her, and his feelings about Maeve's lack of confirmation from her. To make a point, it's supposed to be a little confusing as the fight doesn't make a whole lot of sense if these two weren't very ~traumatized~ and could communicate better lol You'd think that Maeve would just spill her guts, but no. Aurora will be able to coax it out of her, and we can see some actual growth from her. Also, why is Moody wanting to speak to Maeve? I'm sure you HP fans might take a stab at where it's heading considering we ALL know who Moody really is in this setting. So much to uncover in the next few chapters!
I might take a break after this chapter to clean up the other ones I said I would, but you should definitely expect the next chapter to be out sooner. This was my longest one yet and composing it was rough.
Much love and thanks,
TJ