A/N: WARNING! This story is rated M for a reason, and we're about to get a peak as to why. While it's not fully graphic, some sexual content is written.
Chapter Thirteen: ilomilo
"Where did you go?
I should know, but it's cold
And I don't wanna be lonely
So show me the way home
I can't lose another life
Hurry, I'm worried
The world's a little blurry
Or maybe it's my eyes
The friends I've had to bury
They keep me up at night
Said I couldn't love someone
Cause I might break
If you're gonna die, not by mistake"
The subtle blue that broke through with the grey break of dawn filtered through the windows of my room and touched the portraits that hung on the opposite wall. I had been awake just before the light had reached inside the room and sat on my bed while staring around the room and ruminating over the long days that had passed. Cleopatra VII Thea Philopater sat upon her cushioned throne as she primmed herself within the hand mirror she held. Her elegant and royal features were topics of discussion she did not shy away from, but usually preferred intellectual stimulation over her vanity. This portrait had been one of the oldest I had acquired on my travels, and possibly my favorite one besides the sleeping Joan of Arc and Catherine the Great. She was the only painting that was up as early as I was at the moment and was usually the first to sleep. The Queen turned to look at me and gave me what I only theorized was a smile that bend the knees of hundreds of men and women to her side.
"You only wake this early when you're troubled," She commented before laying the hand mirror down and crossing her legs. "What troubles you this time, Moonlight?"
An endearing nickname that stemmed from my first, and usually disdained name. If only anyone else could've come up with something as whimsical as that. I gazed upon her beauty and with the undivided attention of a ruler such as herself I contemplated and debated on putting the weight of the world once again upon the imprint of the Queen. It seemed silly to even think I could obtain advice from someone who had been dead for thousands of years, let alone just the shadow of that person, yet I couldn't stop myself from asking for her opinion. Her thoughtful responses weren't completely direct, but they gave me much to mull over in my spare time.
"Did you think you could win your war? I mean…" I said while turning fully to her on my bed, crossing my legs to sit more comfortably. "... Weren't you terrified that you'd lose everything? That you'd be caught and they'd… punish you, or something."
The purring laughter of the paintings' inhabitants seemed condescending, but most of the time I had learned it was her way of seeing something I didn't.
"Are you asking if I went headfirst into battle without thinking I would come out defeated?" Rephrasing my question along with her tone created a feeling of inferiority that lingered within the heat of my cheeks, a classic move by her. Asking stupid questions only resulted in stupid answers, as most would say, but how else was I supposed to ask? "No warrior, King, or Queen thinks they're losing the battle or war they desperately want to conquer, Moonlight. They just believe that their cause deserves the winnings and that their men who fight tirelessly will overcome everything in their way. We just convince ourselves that all we need to do is survive the slaughter."
My eyes were downcast away from her morbid truth. Isn't that what we're trying to do now? Not actively, and Gods knew what type of slaughter we'd all have to overcome. Were we so foolish to keep hope, or was that all in vain? I shook my head got up from the comfort of my bed and headed toward the bathroom to ignore her further taunting. If she was only there to tease me instead then I wondered if I should shrink her portrait and stuff her into the drawer until her paint started to brittle.
"What I can only tell you," Her alto voice carried and spoke once again catching my full attention to look back up at her. "Is that you must do all of what you can to save yourself." She moved forward within the painting as if to try and push herself out to get the message across more efficiently. "You can try to save them all if you want. Oh, yes, expend yourself to the point of unconsciousness if you'd like, just know there may be a time when the only option you are left with is a kiss from an asp."
Her eyes blazed with a fire that I had only seen when conversations of her injustices came about, and she did not have the same jesting tone in her words that she had earlier. Instead of some uplifting advice, or even a glimmer of hope I had been clinging to, her words gave me the impression of a warning or a type of guidance that she'd only tell those when the storm threatened to destroy a ship. The magnificent Cleopatra said nothing more and went to examine her nails, leaving me to my thoughts with a haunting silence. My annoyance and pessimism had not been soothed as I scoffed and ventured to my bathroom to do what I could, showering in boiling water.
I stopped at the sink and mirror out of habit and looked over my appearance. I was nowhere near the haggard appearance that I sported for weeks just months ago, but I could see that the worry was taking effect on the dark circles, the ashen color of my face, and lips that were scarred from frequent ripping of soft and sensitive skin. I couldn't let myself sink back into that harrowing depression once more, and as Aurora had liked to remind me, if I looked my best I would feel my best. I'd have to double up a bit on the glamour potions and remedies to catch up for lack of usage within the last eight days.
Pulling myself away from the mirror I adjusted the water how I wanted and let the water cleanse me of the restlessness, and haunting words of Cleopatra's painting, that plagued my being. It had been eight long, nail-ripping, dispiriting days and nights since the Third Task, and the heavy revelation of knowing that one of the most powerful, menacing men in Magical history had been revived with a spell using Harry Potter's blood. What kind of spell, and what kind of magic, this involved was unknown to me. I knew there was vile magic out there and could admit that I was merely curious about the extent of how advanced it could go, but never knew something like resurrection could be possible. As if it mattered though; what was done could not be reversed at the moment nor did the solution seem to be any clearer in what we all needed to do.
The hot water and steam clouded my senses as I contemplated our options for action. We had to do something, but we couldn't just recklessly take on Lord Voldemort and his cult of purists. It would be idiotic to even pretend that was the correct solution. It seemed the only thing we could actively do was plan, and it drove me insane just how simple the lack of action. What good was it to stand back plotting and planning if our enemy acted as if they were several steps ahead of us? At least it felt like they were further ahead of us. Accomplishing a goal as devious as bringing back Lord Voldemort took months, if not longer, and none of us had any clue until it was too late.
It didn't matter if Dumbledore had his theories, or that the tales of Harry's escapades while attending Hogwarts with danger patiently waiting around every corner could've pointed in this direction. None of it came close to the actuality that our greatest fears have come true. A war was inevitable and required our side to gather our forces. Misery and terror were to follow after this event, and I could easily state that death would come to claim many lives just like before. Of course, my mind had swirled around with the type of danger Harry was now in, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I was also petrified of what would become of my life and the two that I dragged into this mess.
I bitterly started to finish washing myself as I thought of Aurora's bright, sunny smile and the way her eyes crinkled whenever she laughed. How could I have put her in such peril? I swore to her father all those years ago that I would watch over her and keep her out of trouble in the name of her going on a self-exploration journey. His trust in me was something I upheld with great value. Aurora had watched out for me as much as I tried to do the same for her, even if in the beginning I held only selfish values. What about the young girl we picked up on the way, needing our care and love to grow? Elowyn's inquisitive mind and the way she giggled in amusement. Her innocent face always looked to me for help, comfort, or protection. I let them both down–failed them in many ways–and put them in mortal danger.
The scalding shower was not enough to drive away another round of agitation from the self-reproach.
The daze of getting ready for my day carried on with the quest to push my tumultuous feelings aside. Styling my hair for something simple, my usual skincare routine that livened up my face and makeup. I chose a red and black corseted dress that allowed minimal effort to style. Just because I was feeling less than content didn't mean I couldn't be comfortable. I shifted my focus on how the end of term had come already. When I was younger a school year felt like an eternity would come before the end of it, and now the time had flown by with tremendous change. One good accomplishment that came with the end of the year was that all of my students were able to pass their exams even during these foreboding times. I was especially proud to say that Harry was able to pass, although barely. Barley was more than enough for me and a leniency that I very rarely ever bestowed on a student. Call it some sort of nepotism, but I figured it would be cruel to bestow more stress on him during this time.
Another thing I could focus on was my meeting with Dumbledore this morning. It would be held after the Morning Feast, and I didn't want to go at all. Granted, I would go. I had to go and hear whatever he had to say. I just wasn't sure what exactly he wanted, and therefore couldn't stand the thought of any more bad news. I could only imagine whatever meeting this would intel; The Dark Lord is planning to kidnap me, Elowyn, and Aurora and we have to go into hiding, there's been a plan to capture Harry as soon as we leave Hogwarts, or Severus won't be returning…
Aggressively shook my head and squeezed my eyes tightly as the horrible ideas overtook common sense in the moment. All it would do was make me sick, and if it were of that type of importance, I doubt a scheduled meeting would be the way he'd deliver such news.
Without another thought, I walked toward the door, yet my stomach swirled as my hand stopped just before the handle of my chambers. The decision and debate of figuring out if I wanted to face the general public once again occurred. Today, after making what I deemed enough appearances and finding no strength to put on a face of normalcy, I could reward myself with my own company. Easily accepting my decision, I called upon one of the house-elves, Bunny, to request a tray of breakfast foods. As always, the high-pitched voice of the sweet elf obliged and without much wait popped back into my room with a tray. Thanking the sweet elf I then enjoyed a hot breakfast of toast, eggs, and bacon with orange juice.
My thoughts wandered once again within the silence of my room. While I didn't want to face another facade of a morning greeting in the halls of Hogwarts, I also found it impossible to be with myself. It was a complicated feeling; to want to distract me with anything around me, but also any opportunity to do so only drove my anxiety and irritation threw the rough. Aurora couldn't even bring me out of this downcast mood I was thrown in and bless her for even trying. Given everything that happened I caught myself calling my friend a fool for not being upset with me.
"What were you supposed to do, Maeve? You thought the man was trustworthy, or I'd assume there was no immediate danger—"
"My lack of observation just put you and Elowyn on You-Know-Who's radar, Aurora! Do you not see how I've foredoomed us all? Do you not understand I've put you all on the path that leads to him?!"
I turned away from the troubled coffee-colored eyes that remained speechless at my shouting. Rubbing my face in remorseful aggravation I sat down on my assistant's freshly made bed and groaned. It should've been easier for her to despise me, and I'd much prefer it to the grossly understanding attitude I was facing now.
"Yes," Aurora's voice softly agreed. "I do know… I know this means there's nothing but trouble heading our way." I heard her tentative steps toward me, and I let my hands fall along with my head in shame. "I also know that we've never been one to back down from fights, or… or challenges before. This won't be easy I'm sure of it, but we have an advantage with our magic!" She dropped down to her knees at a level where I was forced to look at her. Grabbing my hands she firmly held them tightly along with my attention as she kept going.
"If that mad man is wanting to know about our powers, then that must mean he has no idea how to summon his own. He's reached the point in his miserable life where he cannot produce that magic; we have the advantage over him! Call me delusional–"
"Delusional!" I couldn't help myself. She didn't understand the horrors I grew up with. She never experienced the terror of just being alive during the time of his reign.
She shook her head furiously. "Yes, delusional, but sometimes that delusion can inspire and motivate! We do not go down without a fight, and we are not by ourselves in this!" Aurora held my gaze with a ferocity that I had only seen when we came across a problem that presented itself as failing. Only she could give the type of optimism in a situation that felt hopeless. "Now, we're going to come together and we're going to do everything we can—go into hiding, keeping tabs on Elowyn at all times, just like we will with Harry. We'll stay low to the ground, and we'll never separate from each other without some sort of protection, but I need you to stop blaming yourself for something a potion did–not you!"
Swallowing the toast and washing it down with orange juice I pondered on the readied warriors that proclaimed victory in the face of the pessimism and guilt I carried. I had to give it to her that her hope and wildly optimistic ideas could inspire some morale, and it was easier to have this type of uplifted outlook when we weren't actively in front of anything doom-worthy. The serious conversation only carried into memory of Elowyn, and implementing the importance of what we needed to be prepared for.
I watched with bated breath as Elowyn's expressionless face kept her sights down, playing with her hair that was styled in two braids. It was not the easiest conversation we had when explaining the peril that now awaited us in the world outside of Hogwarts. I didn't divulge what happened to Harry, but the gist was that Lord Voldemort had returned. How that involved us, and how more than ever Harry needed protection.
"He's coming for us." Her words weren't a question, but an echo of what we told her. Her tone explained she was understanding as much as she could from the seriousness of the situation. Elowyn was bright, but that didn't mean she had to ever experience anything I did whenever I was her age. I glanced at my friend who met my stare with the same perturbed expression I had before turning back to the teen and nodding slowly.
"He will try," I acknowledged with a sniff. "But we have so much on our side that we have to keep in mind we have a chance of survival, and not only that my Star we will protect you no matter what!-"
"You're our priority, Elowyn," Aurora added quickly. "You, your friends, ours, and everyone in between… we'll protect them with all our being, but you must understand that we're going to do everything we can to protect you the most. Now, we have to be extra cautious and ever vigilant with your protection."
Dark umber eyes moved between the two of us filled with worry that I had hardly seen from her. When she had to change schools after her first year, when she'd lose her headphones and check everywhere she knew they could've been left were just a few ways to compare her expression. It seemed the gravity of the situation was sinking deep within her understanding as she blinked several times, and her throat muscles moved from swallowing. She looked downward for a moment, her hands moving to fiddle with the pair of headphones around her neck. Elowyn adjusted her sitting position on Aurora's bed before looking back up. "What can I do?" Her voice sounded small, but I heard determination within it.
"You stay with us," I answered while brushing her bangs out of her face. "And most importantly you listen to what we tell you. This isn't the time for any rebellious ideas, or crazy adventures that might come up, Elowyn." Holding her gaze with mine by trying to will earnestness in her mind, I swallowed the dryness in my throat and waited a moment before finishing. "It might mean you have to guide your friends to steer clear of anything… that would make any of you vulnerable."
"But guys… I'm not a kid anymore." Elowyn interjected with a small amount of resistance while looking between us once again. "I'm more than capable of also protecting myself, and even you two!"
"Elowyn," I dropped down to level with her and took her hands in mine hold firmly, shaking them lightly as I pulled them closer. "This has nothing to do with proving your worth, your skills, or anything of the such! This has everything, and only, to deal with keeping you alive! I will do anything I can to make sure that you won't even have to defend yourself, do you understand?"
The shock that was borderline on fearful expression made her eyes wide, and other than the startled gasp she was speechless. Her mouth twitched to try and form something to communicate, but nothing came out.
"Maeve—"
"Do you?!" Ignoring Aurora's firm hand on my shoulder I shook Elowyn's hands once again. She had to understand! I could not lose her to some kind of teenager invincibility mindset that was all too familiar to me.
"Yes, yes, okay! I get it!" She yelled back before I released her from my hold. Yanking her hands away she flexed her fingers before looking up at me with disbelief getting up from her spot in Aurora's bed she sidestepped to be closer to Aurora. "You don't have to be so… so… so mean about it!"
"Did you not hear us?" I shouted back standing at my full height "He's a crazed man who is hell-bent on trying to take over our world, he murdered so many others—people I dearly loved, Elowyn, and you will not be another—!" I choked on the sob that escaped as I held my hand to my mouth. My emotions had risen and had gotten the best of me even with speaking to her, and shamefully I couldn't hold my frustrations or panic back.
I turned away from the two as my body began to shake. With a soft hand rubbing my shoulder I allowed my tears to slide down my face as the release of my tears ran like rivers. To think that I had let all I could out over the few days was proven wrong. A moment later I felt the tiny frame of Elowyn hug me from behind and instinctively turned to allow the full and thoughtful embrace. After a moment she pulled away and gazed up at me with eyes that filled with compassion. "I won't," She spoke in the same small voice from earlier. "Because I'll listen, and you'll be there." Elowyn let go and took a step back before reaching over and grabbing Aurora's hand along with mine. "And you guys will be there."
Having enough with reminiscing for one day I put the tray of food on my desk with a clatter of noise before sighing and headed to Dumbledore's office. I didn't mean to startle her so animatedly, but I needed her to grasp the situation. I wasn't going to tolerate anything that would put her life at risk, nor was I going to just sit back and let her make any decisions that would support that. Making haste to the seventh floor several students had tried to wave or smile my way, but all I could offer was a nod to them. Passing Filius Flitwick who stopped as if he were about to ask me a question, I simply ignored him. My mind was focused, and my face and body concealed my emotions from the world around me. In the public eye, I had to remain cold, strong, and unshakable. I couldn't let anyone suspect I was crumbling on the inside, nor allow them the advantage of letting more of the piece crack.
As I approached the gargoyle spoke the password, Black Pepper Imps, and watched as the stairs spiraled their way upwards, I started to feel more ill the closer I got to Dumbledore's office. Once I was at the wooden door I knocked in rapid succession and heard the voice of Dumbledore beckoning me in. I opened the door to step through the threshold before closing it quickly.
"Good morning, Maeve," Dumbledore greeted as if I were a friend he was meeting for brunch, the casual and warm, friendly voice spoke from in front of his desk where he stood, and as he took a few steps forward he offered the chairs in front of them. "I hope you enjoyed your breakfast. It's safe to say you missed a forlorn gathering this morning."
Of course, his observant eyes didn't find me once again at the Great Hall. I wondered if this was his polite way of calling out my absences, but even if it where I had very little to care about when it came to staying in the comfort of my own company. After walking forward, I nodded slowly before looking away. "Forgive me headmaster I've been… dealing." I sighed the last word out as I started to try and pick the cuticle on my index finger. There wasn't much left to damage on my nailbed anymore.
Dumbledore nodded. "You must do what you can within the day, but I must implore you on the severity of what allyship can bring you in times like this." His gentle wisdom would've given me hope and serenity, but unfortunately, it only simmered my emotions. Even if that were true, I didn't have any type of allyship or comradery with the rest of the staff, save for two of them and one of them…
"Allyship? From the looks of it, I'm down a few of those at the moment." My words came out snippier than I intended, but I didn't care for the formality. I hadn't heard anything from the two; nothing from Sirius or Remus in the short time that felt like years, and Severus was within the clutches of the devil himself.
"I can sympathize with you Maeve, really I can." Dumbledore had the nerve to offer compassion at this time as he stepped down from the lifted center where his desk resided and stepped closer to me, holding his hands in front of himself. "While I don't have the same relationship you have with Sirius or Severus, I can assure you that I do not send them off light-heartedly."
I narrowed my eyes up at him while folding my arms and decided to press on from my irritation. "Have you heard anything from either of them?"
Dumbledore wasted no time in the slight subject change with a nod. "I received a letter from Remus a few days ago with a cryptic message that could only suggest that Sirius had arrived unscathed and joined our endeavors as well." The nonchalant reply from Dumbledore did nothing to soothe me but helped only a little about the worry of Sirius' safety. "Though, I haven't heard back from Severus, which I'm sure you're more interested in hearing about."
I snapped my vision up to him and watched the twinkle in his eyes as he gave me a patient smile. Did he know? No, of course not. However observant he was there could be no possible way that Dumbledore would have any clue about just how much more I was concerned for Severus. I hardly doubted Severus would've let him know either, or at least not without reason. Hopefully, he didn't have a reason to disclose such a private relationship in the first place, but regardless Dumbledore's all-knowing gaze felt inappropriate during this conversation.
"Sir… I care about them both." I blinked a few times trying to act subtly.
"I can tell," He agreed with a nod, yet I wasn't convinced. "Between the two men, I'd say it's not the amount of care you have for them, but the type. Regardless," Dumbledore began to step back to his desk and headed to pet the feathers of the phoenix that resided on his stationed perch. "Severus plans to return, and he will do all in his power to make that happen."
"Forgive me, headmaster," My words may have shown respect, but my tone held impatience. "Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? Deciphering my relationships?" I asked.
"Ah, I believe it is I who should ask for forgiveness," He started while waving his hand and offering another smile. "I'm versed on how to handle delicate situations, but sometimes I forget my role in others' lives." He sighed and looked away for a moment to contemplate his next words.
"In a manner of speaking, it does deal with Severus, but more directly it deals with what you plan to do." His words should've suggested a more serious tone or even a critical look, but he spoke with the same light-hearted nonchalance I heard earlier. "It's important in this time to gather as many old allies as possible… Have you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?"
I wracked my brain for how the name rang some kind of bell, but I wasn't sure what I was trying to connect. It should've come to me easily, yet whatever was within the back of my mind remained there. Lightly shaking my head allowed Dumbledore to continue.
"Really? Interesting." He said before looking around I watched the thoughts run around in his mind before he finally looked at me. "It was an organization that was formed when Lord Voldemort rose to power, and held some familiar faces like our dear friend, Sirius."
The bell I had been trying to ring now made sense. I remembered when my best friend and her dear husband had explained their situation during my last visit, and that they would be going into hiding. I remembered how worried I was, but how I had a more positive outlook that their safety would be in the right hands. The idea left a bitter taste in my mouth. This organization was the rebellion that the magical world needed years ago, and it seemed that Dumbledore thought it was time to recall them at least that's what I assumed from this conversation.
"So, you must be forming the Order once more than, am I to assume?"
"You have correctly," Dumbledore nodded while turning to take a piece of the hard, yellow candy that sat within a silvery decorated bowl. He motioned to offer one and I politely declined. "But now I present a question so imperative to you that I should've wasted no time. I'm not without a heart, Maeve." He said popping the piece of candy in his mouth.
It didn't seem hard to figure out that he wanted my cooperation in this, but I couldn't help but wonder if I would be subjected to being another pawn on his complicated, and methodical chessboard. Sighing I looked back to him. "If it's full cooperation in this to keep my loved ones safe then it's an easier answer, but I don't understand why you think I'd have a harder time agreeing."
He nodded slowly before rounding his desk and motioning for me to sit in one of the offered seats facing his desk. A beat of silence later and decided whatever was said next probably needed me on something solid and hopefully wouldn't make me fall out of the offered chair.
"I suspect it's not the idea of you joining us in our battle that would stop you, nor the idea that Aurora Ramsey would be inclined to do the same—" I narrowed my eyes at his words as he motioned toward the door. "-She'll be here soon to answer that question herself. The important task I must ask of you Maeve does not bring me joy, nor does it guarantee your safety completely." His tone sobered from the friendly, and polite tone as he continued while putting his hands together to rest on his desk.
"With Tom Riddle rising to power once more I'm afraid that his interest in your abilities, along with Miss Ramsey's and Miss Beaumont's, can only mean he's searching for new powers to possess. I believe it also means that he'll achieve this no matter what the circumstances may be,"
"You truly think that?" I inquired.
"I'm afraid it is better to anticipate this rather than exercise optimism. How he achieves that well… I have my theories, and the first way I think he may try is by testing your loyalties."
I raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "My loyalties? Well, I'd assume it would be fairly obvious—"
"I'm reluctant to clarify that it seems he might not think it's so obvious." Dumbledore interrupted. How he was able to determine this I wasn't sure. "I might even go as far as to theorize that he will send those to vet you, or even worse, Miss Ramsey or Miss Beaumont."
My eyes widened with the thought of any despicable follower of Lord Voldemort capturing and "vetting" my little family. Albus Dumbledore had more involvement with the last war than I did; all I was up to was drinking my life away and playing delinquent. His experience would lead him to theorize the steps of our enemy better than I could, so his theory of us three being pursued didn't feel so far out of the realm. I tried to sputter out a reply but nothing coherent found its way to my brain or lips.
"It's this that I must ask you that if they do," He began once again. "You let them believe you are on their side and hold their core beliefs."
'Is he out of his fucking mind?!'
Shaking my head I lifted my hands to stop him from going any further. "You want me to let them believe I'd stand for what they do?! What kind of task are you asking of me, Albus Dumbledore, are you trying to turn me into some sort of spy like you did Severus?!"
"That's exactly what I'm asking of you Maeve," His calm demeanor silenced any further outburst that was brimming to come out only from the sheer insanity that he was proposing.
He stood once more to round the desk and stand in front of it with his hands behind his back as he spoke again. "Let me be clear that Severus's loyalty has meant a great deal to me, and that I do not take what he does for granted in the least. He risks his life, and therefore I risk losing someone who does in fact mean something to me as well." The glimmer in his eye told me he knew so much, but what exactly he knew I couldn't decipher. "It seems you and I are privileged to see the best version of him he hides from anyone else."
I let his words filter through my understanding that though my frustrations and agitation were valid enough to feel them, it wouldn't be right to take it out on him. Well, probably, but from the direction this conversation was headed, I didn't want to waste time-fighting or shouting at him.
"And you somehow think I'm capable of being able to do the same thing he does? That I can just deceive, and sleuth my way around one of the most powerful dark lords we know in our lifetime?" I wasn't shouting anymore, but my bite wasn't any lesser than before.
He hummed to himself before nodding. "I believe a serpent can achieve just that." He tilted his head to look at me over his crescent-shaped spectacles.
He was quite overzealous in the idea of my so-called spying abilities, and I had to admit that I wasn't sure I could live up to such an expectation. Could it be any different than when how I acted in my younger days, stealing and lying to get what I wanted? Putting on an act in order to fool men and gain the trust of women only to steal their precious treasures to pawn, or their liquor even. Back then the risks weren't miles high, and it didn't involve my life on the line or even the lives of those I treasured.
On the other hand, did I actually have a choice? The way he stated his question wasn't like a question at all, it was more so like asking an owed favor. It seemed like I did, sure, yet the inclination that if I refused could only lead to letting anyone and everyone down. If I did this it would be stupid–no, asinine and ridiculously foolish. Not to mention it would infuriate those around me if they found out, and the worst one to discover this would inevitably find out at some cult gathering. Severus would probably murder me himself just so the Dark Lord wouldn't get the chance to.
"If I do this then what would you need from me? I mean… Wouldn't it be against our interest if I just hand myself over?" I needed to know more about what the objective was before I could comply with the demand. If that is to say, I would go along with it.
"A fair point, but I don't believe you'll hand over your abilities so easily. I also don't believe he'll have an easy time with juggling learning an ability like yours." He offered. "After all, I remember of the first conversation, you primarily only see these results in the crucial development ages of a person."
That was something Lord Voldemort did not know, or at least we could speculate. He wouldn't be able to achieve such a drastic change in magic, or at least as easily as the children I taught. He was already so powerful, so the thought of him being able to surpass our ideas of what he could do should be considered.
"Tom will always look for power wherever he can find it," Dumbledore answered my speculative stare. "And he is surely to be successful in most if not all types. However, from what I've gathered of your teachings and research, then Tom might be out of the realm to completely understand them enough to harness them, at least completely."
"So," I spoke with a slight spark of thrill from catching on. "You think he could only… do very little with it? Or… not at all?"
"Little may be underestimating him but using it for catastrophe shouldn't exactly raise alarms." He replied.
I had to admit I found it intriguing that he might be onto something. A provocative way of gaining his trust, and an insight to see just how powerful he could. The risks still outweighed the sanity of agreeing. What would happen if he failed to be able to produce this magic? I doubt that he would graciously accept defeat, or even kindly understand my teachings weren't failing him. It was easier for younger ones to grasp a hold of what I had taught, and it only proved sufficiently harder to teach adults. In fact, I couldn't even think of a single adult my age who could follow through with my instructions.
"Wouldn't this just anger him?" My tone held no indication of the frustration it had earlier, and now I was completely focused on probing more questions about his absurd plan.
"Possibly…" Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully looking down before looking back up at me. "Yet I can't see him giving up someone who could produce power like yourself nor the influence you have. If anything, he'll want to keep you close to him." Dumbledore walked closer to me as he looked me in the eyes with an intensity that I was not expecting. "There's something about Tom's powers that I've pondered on for a while, Maeve. It's sufficient to say that however he's come upon the powers to revive himself must be great indeed, yet I believe the power he will ultimately be unable to possess will have to come in the form of a faithful servant. That is where you come in."
"You… you want me to be his… weapon?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It wasn't that he wanted me to spy to gather information, oh no he had Severus for that, he wanted me to test the bounds of a powerful weapon that Dumbledore could provide and take away. Maybe not completely, but at least ensure that true terror couldn't come from the usage of it. Thanks to Barty Crouch Jr. the Dark Lord had some sort of idea of what he wanted with me and the two that wandered this world along my side. There was no real way to hide now that my existence was something Lord Voldemort was aware of. In a roundabout way, Dumbledore was able to thwart any chance of Voldemort capturing me, or my loved ones, and instead the idea to go to him willingly in order to tame any mistreatment or death. The chess board was much more elaborate, but Dumbledore had chess pieces I didn't imagine existed.
"I'm sure he will ask you to do things you don't want to," HIs soothing voice cut through my thoughts "and I'm more than confident in believing they'll be things that will go against your moral compass. This begs the statement of thinking of the greater good, and what you'll be able to accomplish without committing transgression you cannot live through."
There were things I already carried and avoided the consequences of them. I had plenty to be ashamed of in my past, and for a good majority of the time, after I had closed that chapter, I could put it aside. Was this my karmic debt that I paid for? Coming back to make sure I right my wrongs years later. All this could do was add to the pile of disgrace that I had shoved into the closet within my mind. If I could do it once, I might be able to spare some room in that closet.
But I couldn't go too far. I would need to be able to face my loved ones with some kind of decency. Aurora would know if I've gone too far, hell even someone like Sirius would be able to see the difference. What would Severus think of the tainted version of myself? Could he still look at me as if I were the moon itself, or would the affection and yearning I had grown to love be ripped away from me?
"Severus is going to rage over this…" I mumbled out loud and sighed rubbing my temple not caring if the company I had heard.
"I can very well anticipate his poor acceptance of this, but acceptance, nonetheless. It is your choice after all." Dumbledore agreed earning a humorless chuckle from me. As if I could truly turn away from this opportunity now. "This brings me to something else I must address. How familiar are you with Occlumency?"
Mind Magic. A wondrous form of magic that I had only dabbled in, and according to my father, my uncle was proficient enough that nothing could surprise the man. Father loved his brother dearly but hated trying to keep any secrets from Uncle Jethro.
I shrugged. "I've played around with it before. I've had the chance to practice a bit of it myself when I was younger, but didn't keep up with it."
Dumbledore nodded and contemplated my answer, twisting the end of his snowy white beard for a moment. "A start is better than beginning from nothing then! I'd advise practicing this as soon as possible and continue these practices. I'd train you myself, but I fear I will have a very busy schedule preparing for a war, which is why I would suggest asking Severus for his help."
"Severus knows Occlumency?" I asked with a tinge of annoyance. This emotion didn't feel like betrayal, but the word floated around while I tried to understand my reaction. Those strange occurrences, and the fact that he knew Harry was important to me. Was this a part of his Legilimency use? The fact that Dumbledore admitted to his usage explained so much which only led me to believe Severus had done the same.
'What does he know about me that he shouldn't?' The suspicious thought echoed in my mind.
"Very well, in fact. So, well that it's his best defense against Tom, and what better teacher than the one who knows how to handle Lord Voldemort himself?" The saying that Dumbledore was being playful was too far, but the hint of a teasing tone wasn't lost on me.
I contemplated this for a moment and hated the idea of adding more weight of the world to the shoulders of the man I… cared for. Regardless of him poking and probing in my mind, I didn't want to ask anything more from him. He'd probably have to hide how he knew me from the Dark Lord, or at least play off our colleague relationship as nothing more than that. I couldn't become more of a burden than I already felt.
"No," I said. "I won't ask anything more of him, but… I know who I could." I looked up to Dumbledore who seemed intrigued with my response before finishing. "Care for another Order member?"
"If you trust them enough to bring them in such a war as this to protect innocents and the sanctity of our magical world, then I am obliged to allow another member." Dumbledore agreed while tilting his head lightly. "I take this as your acceptance of the mission then?"
Hesitating for a moment and thinking I could back out right now if I wanted, or that I could call him selfish for all he had asked of me, but before I knew it I nodded.
A soft knock upon the door pulled us away from the conversation. It must've been Aurora ready to hear her unexpected proposition of rebellion. After Dumbledore welcomed my assistant into his office I watched as Aurora entered the office with an expression of weariness and curiosity.
"Oh, hey Maeve, I didn't know you'd be here." She said while waving to the both of us while looking between the two of us. I conjured up a smile to her but said nothing, and Dumbledore took it from there.
"I was just explaining to our colleague that during these unforeseen times, it would be best to take action by assimilating our numbers." He spoke in a manner of casual conversation which didn't fit the wording of what he was explaining.
Aurora nodded slowly while casting a look at me before Dumbledore motioned to the empty seat for her to take next to me. Taking the steps to sit down Aurora shrugged before she arrived. "I'd have to agree that there's strength in numbers. I'd be more than happy to help with that."
"Precisely what I was hoping you'd say!" Dumbledore's light demeanor gave no clue to the idea of the previous conversation we had.
"Just like that?" I asked her with my brows pulled tight in an incredulous gaze. She looked at me and shrugged again.
"The time is nigh, Maeve! What better way to make sure we stay on top of this… this war than if I were a part of it—assuming that's why he brought us here. Don't tell me you don't see the advantage?" She asked.
"Of course, I see the advantage, but you do realize that also puts a bigger target on our backs, right?" I just wanted to make sure knew what we were signing up for. She seemed too eager, too ready to throw herself into the fight.
Aurora sighed and waved me off. "As if we don't already. It just means we have to be careful, and like we've talked about several times before, we will be. We have to do something, Maeve. I won't be on the sidelines for this!"
Aurora's shining bravery was heartwarming to witness, but I could only focus on the idea of her willingness to jump into a fight she never had to endure. If this is how she would react to the question of joining the rebellion, I could only imagine how she would react to Dumbledore's secret mission he just asked of me. The thought occurred to me that it would be best not to involve Aurora at all, who would more than likely try to involve herself. There was nothing about her that could be disguised as someone who was a dark wizard, and Lord Voldemort would be able to see right through her act.
"Now, Maeve," Dumbledore brought me out of my thoughts to look directly at him. "Your request to try and find Sirius a more suitable living situation may have just helped us set up a headquarters. This particular location that I have in mind would be perfect for such a thing, but in the meantime, I must tend to a few loose ends before that's finalized."
"Sir," Aurora spoke up. "I was also thinking that… well, I haven't exactly brought this up to you–" Aurora looked to me before looking back to the headmaster. "-but I noticed a rather large cottage a bit outside of Hogsmeade's village that could also serve as a secondary headquarters. I was thinking… well, maybe we could occupy it from time to time." Aurora looked back at me with apprehension. I could tell she wasn't sure exactly what I'd say but it didn't seem like a bad idea.
"How did you think of that so quickly, my dear?" Dumbledore questioned with a low chuckle at the end.
"Well, it was more so just an idea for a living space once the school year ended, and I wanted to bring this up a few weeks ago. Everything has just been so chaotic, and after finding out that… that the bad guy–Lord Voldywort or something–I just didn't know when a good time would be to talk about it. Then I wondered if it were better we lived on school grounds during the summer so… really, it's just a spur-of-the-moment kind of idea!" Aurora finished with a bashful titter while looking between the two of us. Her cheeks reddening at explaining her thought process.
Through all of the hardship, the seriousness that I had been dealing with for so long, came undone at her playful demeanor and bastardization of the powerful dark wizard's name. There was no way she would qualify for a double agent with her lively spirits. I couldn't help the laughter that escaped with a smile that felt strange on my lips once more.
Dumbledore hummed and chuckled and looked at my equally entertained expression. "I like this one very much," He commented. I nodded in agreeance while looking back to the hopeful Aurora.
"We'd still be within the safety of Hogwarts grounds, and I'm sure Elowyn would be intrigued with Hogsmeade enough to keep her occupied for most of the summer." I agreed. Aurora's smile looked accomplished with a triumph of completing a step within our rebellion.
"A superb idea Aurora! I'll keep that in mind whenever we have our first meeting." Dumbledore concluded.
Once Aurora arrived the meeting was short-lived afterward. Discussions of when our first meeting would presume, of what we needed to keep an eye out for, and general safety tips made the rest of the meeting anticlimactic. I asked about Harry and what Dumbledore decided to do with him during the summer. I didn't like the answer of him returning to Petunia and her boring, magic-hating family, but Dumbledore wouldn't stand for any other alternative. He assured me over, and over that, Harry was safest there; I had to trust him on this.
Closing the door behind us I turned to my friend who let out a hefty sigh. "The more we talk about this the more the seriousness just… drops on me." She spoke. I looked down as I nodded.
"So much for a fresh start, right?" I grumbled with a humorless chuckle. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from her but the gentle hand on my shoulder and the look of patience and understanding in her eyes didn't live up to what I hoped was some sort of scolding.
"We're going to make the best of what we can, and just…" Aurora trailed off from whatever optimistic idea she was trying to give. She scoffed and pulled me into a hug, and I allowed her comfort to flood over me.
)))((((
"Missus!"
The startling pop that broke through the otherwise quiet classroom caused my unsuspecting nervous system to react in shrieking as I whipped around to see the rather distraught house-elf with larger-than-normal ears that hung around its face and its large orbs of vibrant hazel staring at me, wringing its hands with its cleanly white dress.
Recognizing immediately the house elf I scrunched my brows together in confusion. "Bunny, what are you doing here?"
"You must come quick! The Potion Master needs your help–he is in trouble!" Bunny cried while holding up her tiny hands in panic.
Blinking I processed what Bunny was trying to tell me realizing they were speaking about Severus. Registering that Bunny must've seen him in person I let the panic run rampant through my body. Aurora entered from the office looking just as bewildered at the scene before her staring at the house elf.
"What's going on?"
"Aurora, if anyone is looking for me just tell them in not available—or make up something! If I come back something's horribly wrong but if not, then… then I-I'll see you later!" Aurora's protests were drowned out as I grabbed the tiny hand of the house elf and felt the pull of magic through my stomach apparating from my mystified assistant. The swirling stopped as I now stood within a large room that fit a sitting area where an unlit fireplace stood. I stared at the wall of glass that was shimmering with green light, a few fish were swimming in and out of view, and realized I was looking into the Black Lake. To the left of me was a high-rise, four-poster bedframe adorned in emerald and dark navy-blue covers. Beside the bet upon the wall were rows of books that reached up to the ceiling of the room.
"You're too ill Professor!" The startled cry of Bunny made me turn to my left to see just who she was speaking to and ran immediately to the side of Severus who was leaning against a door frame. Clutching his side, I caught the crimson liquid leaking between his pale fingers.
"Severus! My Gods, Severus!"
"Selini…" He grumbled out. I carefully yet quickly moved to the other side of him, stepping through the threshold of what I recognized as a bathroom to guide his arm around my neck, and with the weight of his body propped up against mine. I examined him as much as I could to gather his state. Fresh and old blood mixed from his hairline, his nose, and lip. I noticed that his usual black robes had dark stains on them—more blood. That particular stain was pooling around the area he clenched on the side of his abdomen and was fresher than the other wounds. He looked like he needed a hospital, or Poppy Pomfrey, before me. "Potions…" He managed to get out in a shaky voice.
"Come over here first, just—just come lay down!" I couldn't stop my panic from rising in my body, but I had to keep a clear enough mind to tend to him. I had to take control of the situation before me in order to restore Severus to health. If he wanted a hospital, or anyone else, he would've gone there. There was a reason he sent a house-elf to bring me here, and I bet it had everything to do with whatever happened when was gone. The weight of his body hanging on me wasn't unbearable, but it wasn't as easy as I had hoped either. With him limping I directed him to the four-poster bed and gently as I could lower him before pulling up his legs onto the bed.
"Where are the healing potions?" I asked while trying to steady my breathing. His breathing was labored but managed to motion with his head to the side back to where the bathroom was.
"Moonlight…" He muttered. Was he becoming delirious?
"It's not night—"
"Password." He clarified through gritted teeth. Of course, everything within, presumably, his room was protected under passwords and secrecy. Shaking my head I wasted no time rounding back to the bathroom. He had two cabinets, one with no mirror and I decided that had to of been it. Repeating the words the cabinet door popped open, and upon pulling it back I saw the variety of potions that expanded backward. There were several of them, some familiar and some I hadn't recognized. Filtering through I grabbed a Pepper up, Blood-Replenishing, Mandrake Restorative Draft, and finally a Wound-Cleansing potion before hurrying back to him with the various vials in my arms. I gave him the Wound-Cleaning potion first and watched as the cuts on his face began to heal a bit quicker than what the potion would normally do. It seems the Potions Master had strengthened the formula of these particular vials.
Next was the Blood-Replenishing potion that was gulped quickly, and with grateful gasps of air Severus was able to look at me more clearly, blinking away the fog of pain. "Did you remember the order correctly, or just by chance?" He teased.
I gave a small smile to him while lightly moving the hair out of his eyes. "What do you think? I had you as potions partner."
A small remnant of a smirk played on his face as he straightened himself up, wincing at the movement causing me to jump forward to push him lightly back down. He gave me a sour look at the nurturing gesture. "The potions are probably just kicking in, just rest."
"Give me the Pepper up." He instructed. So stubborn in his ailment but I had to stop him.
"Are there any open wounds still? I brought something to clean them with if so… what about here?" I ask tentatively pointing to the dried blood on his abdomen.
"Leave it," he said while waving me off. I shook my head and grabbed his hand.
"No, you're injured, Severus. What would be the point of apparating me here?" I argued while turning to the petrified-looking house-elf that kept fiddling with the hem of her white dress. "Bunny, I think I can handle it from here. You've done wonderfully but mention this to no one. You may leave."
"Missus, is you sure? Bunny is ready to help!" The squeaky voice questioned.
I nodded and thanked her once more before reassuring her that I was able to take it from here before the familiar popping sound of her disapparating out of the bedroom.
"How did you know to get Bunny?" I turned back to Severus who gave a half shrug.
"I remember you mentioning the little creature some time ago; the one you spoke to the most when you'd go to the kitchen." He mumbled.
'How attentive of him…' I thought while waving my hand to call forth gauze from the bathroom that speedily arrived to levitate in front of me. Severus seemed to grumble something but didn't further argue with me. I waved my hand to unbutton the black tunic with the multiple buttons popping off in a swift motion and pulled back to reveal his white undershirt and found the glaring red and rusty colored spot on his abdomen. There were other spots of dried and fresh blood scattered about his body, but didn't require the attention this fresh, and troublesome wound needed.
Being as careful as possible, doing my best to not further cause pain or irritation to the wound I pulled up the white shirt. Some of the fabric had dried to the skin and with great effort, I did what I could to remove it much to Severus's cursing. Like his face, his body was paler, which I contributed to the blood loss. The smaller wounds I had noted from earlier were starting to heal quicker, if not already closed.
The gash was horrible, to say the least. Most of the blood had coagulated but it was still running freely, especially after I had removed the shirt that acted as almost a gauze bandage. I realized upon his pale skin that there were bruises, large and small, that were slowly disintegrating as the potions continued their job. Grabbing the larger bottle of Wound-Cleansing potion I got to work on doctoring up the wound where he would flinch a bit accompanied by the sharp inhale of breath from the man I was tending to.
Silence surrounded us as I cleaned the gash and watched as it slowly caught up with the rest of the nearly healed bruising. The cuts to his lip weren't visible anymore and the swelling had also died down. Is till tended to clean up the areas making sure to get as much of the dried blood off of him, regardless of his sour look at being fussed over. I was about to call for bandages but as I finished it seemed the potion had interacted with the others and hastened the process even more. At this point, it looked like a scar had formed but still looked red and irritated.
"You should get out of these clothes," I told him while moving to put the vials on the bedside table only to be stopped by his hand. I raised an eyebrow to him still holding onto the Pepper Up potion.
"No," He dismissed and pulled the potion out of my hand. I didn't have time to tell him anything before he drank the whole bottle.
I shook my head and went to lift from the bed until I was stopped once again by his hand, this time the grip was firmer but not aggressive. "Don't," I watched as he sat forward, a slight sense of discomfort in his face before peering up at me. "Stay."
The way he spoke almost felt commanding, but the softness in his voice seemed like he was pleading for me. I wasn't planning to leave, nor did I want to while he was still recovering from whatever torture he had endured for more than a week.
"I'm not leaving," I whispered while putting my hand over his. "You just need out of those clothes, Severus. I promise I'll be here." I said just as softly. This seemed to pacify him enough with a nod and let go of my hand. I turned around and assumed the large wardrobe that stood on the wall where the door outside of the room was. Walking to the wardrobe and opening it I wasn't surprised to find multiple black robes similar to the one he wore, along with multiple white undershirts methodically sorted for easier access. It really represented his sorted and organized mind.
I grabbed one of the white shirts before turning and walking back to the bed as Severus finished pushing himself up and moving to sit upright, kicking off his shoes. He had removed the black tunic completely and as he stood was currently removing the damaged, bloodied shirt that surely couldn't be fixed. He did not look at me as I reached his now standing figure and presented the shirt that he took obligingly. In the moment I was able to take in his half-naked body. He was lean for his frame, but nicely toned otherwise. Color was finally returning to his skin but still he remained pale, snow that had formed scars of the years. I tried to recall a memory of a time I was able to see him so exposed, and free in front of me. Nothing came to mind and with that, I felt heat rush to my cheeks.
"Was that…" Finding my voice I wasn't sure if I should ask, or maybe leave it to the imagination, but curiosity got the better of me. He was here though, and he was alive which was all that mattered to me.
"It was." He answered with a tone that negated the final answer he would indulge me with on the subject. I couldn't blame him, and a part of me wondered if this again was his way of protection, or if perhaps it had something more to do with self-preservation. I know in this situation I wouldn't be so willing to divulge into something as traumatic as facing the Dark Lord. I looked down as flashes of my meeting with Dumbledore came to mind, and with the new information about Severus and his advanced ability with Occlumency, I only thought it would be better to put the matter to the side for now.
"Something on your mind?" He asked more forward this time. A flash of nerves had me swallowing, shaking my head, and turning away while folding my arms. My sights were set on the bright green lake water filtering through the windows. It was easy to get lost in a world underwater, but in the moment, I couldn't distract myself. Of course, there was plenty on my mind, but did I have the patience to explain any of it to him? He returned from Hell itself that he had endured only to come back to listen about the asinine plan that Dumbledore had asked of me. A plan that from the look of his current state would leave me in similar situations and jumped too readily on. I thought at the time it was justified or that I wouldn't come out barely scathed by the wrath of Lord Voldemort. How childish to think such a thing; I was able to see the repercussions of what I signed up for in the man behind me.
Not to mention the blow-up I was sure to happen once he found out. I could see the fighting before it had even started and felt just as bitter about the predicament as it played out before me.
"Selini," Severus' voice wavered breaking his patience as he followed me, putting a strong hand on my shoulder and turning me around. I averted his gaze once more, but my avoidance ceased when his other hand brought my face up by his forefinger and thumb. I slowly looked into those pools of glittering obsidian that searched my eyes for an answer, probably looking further within.
"Read my mind, Severus," I spoke softly. There was no sarcasm, no bite of annoyance or irritation. I just couldn't formulate the words of what I needed to tell him. His eyes widened just so slightly, and while I held his stare I couldn't tell if he did or not. After a moment of willingly producing the memory of Dumbledore in his office, asking me to join the order followed by his idea of making me a spy (Severus sneer twitched into place) how I was encouraged by Dumbledore, being informed about his Legilimency abilities and how I refused his service of teaching me the mind magic in favor of another. This time it felt like the memory was pulling from somewhere inside of my brain, a strange sensation like pulling elastic as the familiar face appeared before me. A strong jawline ran alongside a long face that was always kept clean-shaven. His long and straight nose balanced well for his features, and thin dark eyebrows allowed for the bright jade eyes to shine. The face I had seen in my mind had a Cheshire cat smile which I never pictured him without. His dark auburn hair fell loosely and ended just around his eyes. As quickly as the memory was pulled it was gone within a second as I took in the angry Severus in front of me.
"Who is he?" Severus seethed as I blinked at him, letting the realization that he pulled that memory from me like it was nothing. What was this tone? Obviously, he was upset, but why was he so angry over seeing the face of my uncle?
"Did you just–"
"Don't ignore my question, Selini, who is that?!" Severus spat while taking hold of my shoulders. His eyes were flickering back and forth between my own and through his angered emotions I could see the glint of desperation within those eyes. It was this expression that made me realize why he acted the way he did. Jealousy, or at least an instant distrust in the person I thought of. Severus had never met my uncle which would explain why he never knew what he looked like, and the fact that magic like Occlumency and Legilimency were such invasive, one would argue even intimate, types of magic I could understand why Severus would be concerned on that aspect. Whoever taught me to harness this magic needed to keep my safety and progress at the utmost importance.
I threw his hands off of me. "That's my Uncle Jethro, Severus! Why does that matter?" I shouted at him. My own anger seeping through.
The sneer or lividity of his emotions didn't cease after I answered him. He turned and looked away, cursing under his breath and moving to pace back and forth between the opening of the room to the fireplace. I watched as his hands tensed into fists before relaxing, the pumping action showing his agitation and worry. I watched as his jaw tightened and released a few times before he growled and turned to me.
"How dare he… Let alone for you to be!... Selini, what were you thinking?!"
"What else am I supposed to do, Severus? Sit back and watch everyone contribute to something while I hide and pray, he doesn't find me?"
"Ideally, yes!" Severus spat with eyes that were lively with a deadly fire inside of him. "For someone as brilliant as you can be, you surely lack the understanding of just how stupid you have to be to agree to this!" His voice thundered. "Have you completely lost your mind? Do you truly think you're capable of succeeding in something as nonsensical as allowing full access to yourself to the Dark Lord?!"
"As opposed to waiting for him to take me, or letting someone else I care about get taken? As if there were any better options, Severus!" I countered with a huff. So, he expected me to just sit on the sidelines all along? That's how it felt at least, but unfortunately, even if Dumbledore didn't ask me to go on this mission, even if I was terrified and the thought of hiding came about, I couldn't ignore the fight. Something, anything, had to be done.
"The better option would be that you'd stay clear of the man! That you'll pack up your belongings, haul Ramsey and Beaumont along with you, and get away from here!" His chest was heaving from his explosive outburst.
I gawked at him unable to articulate which thought I wanted to scream at him first. To leave everything behind and run wasn't something I had thought of but was quickly dismissed after finding the idea of leaving those who could benefit from my protection and help disgusting. I could at least contribute to this one way or another, and I wasn't abandoning Harry, Sirius, and Remus. I wasn't going to leave behind everyone else to suffer for my missing person.
"Don't you think I've already contemplated all of that? Of course, it's easier to just run away, and it's easier to hide in fear, but you know it just as well as I do he wouldn't ever stop hunting us! Hiding didn't stop him from finding Lily and James, did it?!"
Nothing but a mixture of regret, anger, and irritation in his eyes as his lips curled back before turning his back to me. His tense posture shook as his hands lifted to rub his face. I exhaled all the pent-up frustration that the weight of my own words; I couldn't pretend that the words I had just thrown at him couldn't mean something harsher. Regardless of how young we were at the time I still could recall his desperate pleas to beg for Lily's forgiveness for his ugly display of a slur. I knew he still had to care for her, and all I did was remind him of what we mutually lost when she died, more time. More time to contemplate forgiveness or make amends. More time to try and rectify his sins in a way that she could see how he had changed. The possibilities were endless, and regardless of where our separate paths took us, it didn't ease the metaphorical slap in the face I just did.
"You have time to tell Dumbledore you've changed your mind. Just… Just tell him–"
"Look, Severus, I'm sorry… but running is only going to make things worse. If I'm farther away then it might even mean a higher chance of all three of us being caught, and Merlin only knows what will become of us. No one will be with us to help." Correcting my tone, I lifted a hand to gently turn him to face me. The only color within his face was the receding red in his cheeks while everything else seemed to turn sickly once more. "I have to do what I must to keep them safe… to keep you safe, even."
"Just how do you think that'll work out?" He pushed with a slight decrease in his anger.
I swallowed the nerves and fear down before continuing. "I know now… I know too much, and in turn puts you at risk of exposure if I am caught. I have to at least practice Occlumency, and I still stand by you not helping me with that. You're doing enough as it is."
He stared down at me before his head lowered and looked to the side, the look of pain squinting and wincing upon his face. "I've damned you, Selini Thorne… how can you even stand to look at me—"
"Don't," I told him while grabbing his face in my hands and bringing it to look at me. "We're both fools, remember?" I scoffed shaking my head. "I will not have you taking all of the blame, and I could go as far as to say that… my carelessness with Barty created this mess," I mumbled out. His hands lifted my grasp from his face to hold my hands.
"Veritaserum isn't traceable. If I'm not allowed to berate myself for my decisions, neither are you." Though his lips didn't smile I could see the glint of sarcastic humor in his eyes. How could I deny him such a courtesy? I was able to give him some kind of smile that was met with a tender kiss on my forehead. It was the peace I had been missing within the last eight days and missed dearly. Like blessed rain within the scorching, dry hot desert of turmoil I had lived through. He pulled away to look at me with my eyes.
"This… Uncle of yours… how capable with Occlumency is he?" He questioned.
With half shrug and a downcast gaze, I answered. "He goes around the country to teach anyone who has the money to do so. He's helped several wizards and witches with it, and even tried to when I was younger. Family issues got in the way for me to make any real progress… but I can trust him," I looked back up at him. "So can you."
Severus stared at me as I watched the wheels turn within his mind, nodding slightly. "I'm surprised you never talked about him before."
I sighed and nodded. "Our relationship has been… inconsistent. He had issues with my mother, and it leaked into his relationship with my father. Years after they both passed, we had been able to reconnect, but I don't exactly keep up with him."
The subject of my uncle and I's estranged relationship was a topic that was best reserved for when I felt like talking about my mother or father; never, if not rarely.
Severus did not press any further on the subject, and whether he was listening to my thoughts or not at this point didn't matter. I had a different idea to spend our alone time instead of speaking about the past.
"If... he proves unreliable I will help you, Selini." Severus offered. "At least I know it'll be done properly."
I smiled up at him feeling touched by his offered teaching. As if he didn't have so much to do, he would still find time for me.
"I trust you will. As much as I don't want to burden you, I know you're there for me." I lovingly whispered.
"You are no burden," He countered. "Brazen and foolish... but never a burden." His smug smirk broke through as I rolled my eyes.
"You know…" I started while slipping my hands away from him and sliding my arms around his neck. "Since I'm so brazen and foolish there are other foolish things, we can do if your potions have… kicked in properly." I tilted my head to the side while popping my eyebrows up and biting my lip lightly. I had him here within my arms and all to myself. We had our fight, our tender make-up moment, and taking advantage of his room occupying only ourselves we had much to catch up on.
Whether he read my mind or ruminating over our privacy, the perfect setup to be entangled with each other's presence, body, and mind. Whatever it was he caught on quickly to what I was suggesting. His arms found their way around my waist and held me close while dipping his head and speaking to me with a low, silky grumble. "No interruptions," The lock on the door clicked, and the wordless magic of his enchantments locked us into the room, and everyone out. "No more hesitating with you," His hands grabbed my waist as he walked me and pushed me back till the back of my legs and backside had hit the high-rise bed. "I must have all of you, Selini." The way my name had practically purred from his lips just as he planted a rough, needy kiss on my lips made me practically melt within his hands.
It was raw passion and hunger the way our lips reacquainted with each other and our hands roamed each other's bodies. The sensitive nerve endings within my fingertips felt every bit of the new flesh I had yet to discover, memorizing as much as I could and taking in ripples of flesh and muscle. There were soft places, muscles that I was able to feel as his new shirt had fallen from his body once more. His greed from similarly exposing me took over as he tore away at the black robe that exposed my red corseted dress. I pulled away for a moment of air and used my own wandless magic to undo my dressings quickly.
"I'll finish the rest," He growled as he turned me around causing a surprised gasp to escape my lips. Severus ripped apart the back with a strength that wonderfully shocked me, pulling the strings away as the tips of his fingers trailed upward. The contact produced hot chills of excitement that I couldn't contain. My exposed back now felt the chill within the air yet I had little time to concentrate as his hands slid across my shoulders to push the sleeves down, completing the fall of my dress that crumpled at my feet. A reflex to hide my chest with a sudden flare of exposure that I hadn't felt in years overtook me but eased once his lips from my neck. Once his lips found the delicate placement of my neck pressing ever so intentionally yet gently. I kicked off the flats I wore feeling the cold of the stone floor under the padding of my feet sent another shiver up my body.
"Perfection…" He whispered with craving dripping from his lips into in my ears, earning a sultry sigh that escaped willingly. His hands trailed down my back once more as chill bumps emerged yet again where his hands had left. They moved to pull me back against his hard body, and with excitement, I felt a part of him that was harder rubbing against the crevice of my bottom. It lit a primal fire within me that I had only dreamed of experiencing with Severus. His hands slid higher over my ribs before finding my breasts and lingered for a moment before cupping fully over them. Sensitive and tender flesh being squeezed with excitement as a whine of pleasure flew out of my mouth, and his teeth nibbled on my neck was driving me insane. My right hand had fallen behind me to play with his hair as he continued to trail kisses along my neck and shoulders, my left hand fell to rubbing his thigh ever so slowly inching closer to moving closer to the more stimulated part of him.
Grabbing me by the shoulders he spun me around suddenly before pushing me to the bed with aggressive force that only ramped up my excitement. I stared up at him with a devious open smile, arms splayed out beside me and panting from our building tension. "Now, to finish what we started…" I lifted myself to watch as he lowered to level with the bed and slid his hand up each side of my legs making me grip the covers of his bed with anticipation. I could feel the throbbing and the nearly unbearable need for release. He started to pepper kisses up each side of my legs before nibbling at my inner thighs, earning another whimper of painful pleasure before he was faced with my black bikini underwear. If I had known this would've happened, I may have changed them for a much more seductive pair, but regardless his mind seemed to be on other things.
With grace and quick movement, he was able to slip them off of me, my legs coming up to hide my nakedness from him and earning an amused chuckle. "Shy, are we?" He teased. I couldn't suppress the giddy and embarrassed giggle that came from me before I felt his hand trail up lightly through my folds. The sensation overtook me allowing myself to relax enough as he pried my legs open for his full entertainment. A growl of yearning, an animal ready to feast, and the sensation of that feast let me completely unfold.
It was ecstasy, pure unadulterated bliss of living out fantasy after fantasy and the closeness I was able to allow him to explore my body. I couldn't think of anything other than him and the sensation that enveloped my whole body; sparks and waves of thrill and hedonistic gratification coming from my core all just from Severus enjoying his time that felt comparable to lotus-eating. My hands traveled through his locks, tightening my hold and releasing each time my orgasm built and finished.
But Severus was far from being done with me to my elation. He found his way up to me with his arms on each side of my head after trailing kisses up my entire body to meet my lips with his. I could taste my pleasure on his kiss which allowed me to dive deeper into his sensual ritual. We were too greedy in that moment, and I had to admit that I wanted to touch him more and take my time with him, it was almost overpowering to yearn for him inside of me.
"You desire me," He stared at me while adjusting himself between my legs, so his hips aligned with mine. Feeling his bare thighs against me only momentarily made me wonder when he had time to slip off his pants and his underwear. The daze of lust, and something more, had turned me into a creature of need; a carnal, erotic need that only he could satiate.
"I desire you," I repeated in my lust-filled daze, my eyes half-lidded from the pleasure of moments before.
"You need me," He growled into my neck as I felt his member being guided along my entrance, teasing me and creating a throb of coital yearning for him to stimulate and release me from.
"I need you, Severus, please!" Whining and begging for him to give me what I hungered for.
"Show me… me…" He growled in my ear as his tip barely entered inside of me. I couldn't deny what he wanted from me, and if the cure for my lust-driven ailment was to think of him and only him then who was I to deny such a pleasant, even deviant, request? I didn't feel him enter my mind, but I felt him searching and pulling memories that involved anything with him. Guiding him to all of my coveted thoughts through the years made him enter fully inside of me. I had almost forgotten the feel of something so blissful to occur it was hard to concentrate on what he wanted from me. A sharp intake of breath and a full cry of ecstasy escaped. The weight of his body plunging within me as we explored my secret pining, hopeful fantasies and the genuine care I had for him made me delirious.
I felt the burn of climax rising within me, and interestingly enough Severus began to speed his pumps as it happened. I could've stayed within this state forever, becoming infused with someone I would follow into oblivion if it meant we were together, but even as humans our pleasure couldn't last forever. With a heavy, and fulfilling moan leaving my lips, Severus sighed and groaned just as satisfied then slowed as his climax matched mine. It was surreal and beautiful.
The moments after were filled with more kissing that was thoughtful, caring, and satiated before the two of us found our way to the top of the bed and settled in. Laying upon his chest I listened to his heartbeat as his hand rubbed my shoulder mindlessly before venturing to smooth my hair out of my face. In this moment where we held onto each other within comfortable silence, I let the accumulated exhaustion of staying anxious and depressed from the last week leave my body for good and let the peace of post-coital bliss take me into sleep.
End of Act I
A/N: I have finally finished one set of a story! I've never completed a story before, and while this is just a potion I'd like to take a moment to pat myself on the back at the accomplishment. I also did want to state that for this spicy scene, I didn't want to go fully graphic with it because of the mood that Maeve and Severus created. It was meant to paint a love-making scene, but in future chapters, I will state that won't always be the case. I haven't written anything close to resembling smut before, so I will be honest and say that what I might have planned, may look something similar to this as far as description. I want to challenge myself as a writer, but also even as I post this I am still hesitant because this is (no pun intended I swear) my first time LOL
I will also say that I am in the middle of working on another HP story, and I will state that this is a Sirius Black romance story, as well as a Severus romance story. However, I will say that neither of these love interests should resemble Maeve, and whatever happens between that OC and Severus will not be as romantic as you might think. Who knows lol. The focus wouldn't just be romance but focus on the mafia-style dealings the Death Eaters are involved with, and a detective/crime story as well. I'm working out a lot of the details but I will be posting that at some point. My main focus is on Maeve, Aurora, and Elowyn. Act 2 will follow The Order of the Phoenix, if you couldn't tell, so until then enjoy these thirteen chapters :D
Much love and thanks,
TJ