I stared down at Sequoia in my hands.

She stared back at me, her features cast in a glare.

All of her biology was there, visible to me, each cell in sharp contrast.

They shifted as I moved my thumbs across the wood, reshaping her face.

Her glare turned into a snarl, with false wooden teeth bared as she looked up at me.

It didn't look right. It was too comical, too exaggerated, too fake. It didn't capture the right emotion.

The wood was smooth under my thumbs, polished to an impossible perfection with my power.

Her new expression was subtler; the small downturn of her lips, the cast of her eyes, the tilt of her brow.

It was a disappointed stare. One I had gotten from Carol plenty of times in the past.

The fact that it was on Sequoia's face felt right. I deserved it.

There was a quiet knock at the door.

"Ames? You got a minute?"

"Just a second." The mask warped with a thought, all detail lost as it transformed back into a simple wooden sphere. I shoved it under my pillow. "Come in."

There was no noise as the door opened, Vicky's eye barely visible through the gap. She just stared at me for a second, before opening it the rest of the way and stepping in. It was the full Glory Girl costume, tiara and all.

"I've got a little bit before I gotta go to the Boardwalk with Dad. Want to talk?" She was using that damn concerned tone I hated. It was too good for me.

"Okay, sure."

Rather than walk, she floated over, settling on the bed beside me. Her hair was done perfectly, held in place by the tiara. I waited for her to say something, but she didn't, just fiddling with the edge of her skirt, not looking at me.

Something about it hurts. Having Vicky acting like this around me hurts.

The anger and the guilt from before had drowned it out, but it had been there.

Maybe that's why I had been so angry and guilty about everything.

Right now though, all I wanted was to go back to normal.

I was pathetic.

Unable to fight it anymore, I let out a long sigh and leaned over.

My head landed on her shoulder, and she froze, glancing down at me. There was a moment when I thought she would push me away. It was what I deserved.

I felt her arm touch my other shoulder and pull me closer. Another sigh escaped me, even though I hated myself at that moment. The sheer contentment and love could make me ignore self-loathing for a moment.

"You… want to talk about Ridgewell?"

A shiver ran up my spine at the park's mention.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Ames, you looked like death when I found you."

"I look like that all the time."

"Even more than usual. You blew me off when we got home. Which, I get, you were exhausted."

"Mmmmhm."

"You went to bed at seven and didn't get up until noon the next day. I didn't even need to convince Mom to let you sleep in, that's how exhausted you looked."

"Wait really?" Carol just let me sleep in?

"Yeah, that's how bad it was. Then you just went to the hospital thr next day and came right back home and were completely silent at dinner and you've been quiet all day today." She cut herself off, taking a breath.

"Ames. Are you alright?"

"When have I ever been alright?" I snarked even as I looked away from her.

"Ames. You can't… You don't gotta tell me what happened. Just tell me if you're alright. If you're not, we can take the day off."

"No." This was already too much. I couldn't risk… more.

"You need a day off!"

"I'm going to a party, that's already a day off!"

"You don't like parties."

"Wendy will be there."

"So will Mom."

I pushed myself off her shoulder, and we stared at each other. I was trying to glare at her. It was hard when she stared at me with a concerned look.

"Ames." Her voice was too soft like she was about to cry. "I know I fucked up. I tried making it right. I'm trying to make it right. Can you not trust me anymore?"

"God, Vicky, this isn't about that." I dropped my head into my hands.

"Then what is it about? You don't hide things like this from me, it isn't like you."

The sheer irony in that statement made me want to laugh. I had been hiding the worst damn secret imaginable from her this entire time. I had been avoiding her specifically to try and manage that secret. Shame how the most effective thing was me getting pissed at her.

I knew on the inside I should not say anything. Make her leave, force more of the distance, drive her away. I didn't deserve her after making the same stupid mistake I complained about her making, especially since I couldn't fix mine.

She didn't deserve to suffer because of me either. Even though I loved her in the wrong way, I loved her in the right way too. The two played off each other, feeding each other in a cycle. Both sides of that spectrum were telling me the same thing. To let her in.

I was weak.

"Fine." I took a breath, not removing my hands. "At the park… Two of the people who were at Wendy's party were there. Mother and her kid. They got hurt pretty bad."

"But, you healed them, right?" Her voice was hesitant.

"Everything I could, but they had brain damage, and."

"You won't heal brain damage."

"Can't heal brain damage."

"You can, but you won't. You're beating yourself up over something you can do."

I let out a groan and pushed myself up from the bed, starting to pace the room. This has always been a sore subject.

"You don't understand."

"Then help me understand." She rose, floating as she stared at me. "Ames, you're driving yourself crazy over this. Why not just heal it?"

"Because I can't risk it."

"Risk what? Fixing someone's brain damage?"

"Where does it end?"

She stopped at that, frowning at me.

"What do you mean."

I struggled for a few moments to find the right words… before the right metaphor clicked into place.

"It's like you and your strength."

"... I don't follow."

"Let's say, hypothetically, I heal someone's brain damage. The brain's a complicated thing, it's not as simple as an organ or a muscle. I can screw things up, accidentally wire something incorrectly, alter someone's personality."

"We've talked about that, that's not a reason not to try."

"I'm not done. Let's say, hypothetically, I do it successfully. I know I can heal brain damage successfully, and start experimenting more. Help victims of substance abuse undo the damage it's done to their brains. That should be obvious and easy, right?"

"Yes?"

"It makes me more confident in my abilities. I move on to brain diseases and disorders: Alzheimer's, dementia, cerebral palsy. The kind of stuff that ruins people's lives, and I learn how to fix those effectively."

"Okay? How is that a bad thing?"

"Then I move on to things like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, Tourette's, PTSD…" I hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Depression. Figure out how to write those out of someone's brain."

"That's a good thing?"

"Then I start fixing minor things. Someone's fear of spiders, being too reckless, just whatever random shit that I notice about their personality that's a problem because at that point I'd surely know enough about the brain to tell."

"Ames, you wou-"
"Just like you wouldn't accidentally kill someone?"

It was a low blow, but she shut up, her lips going thin as she stared at me. I sagged, wanting to crawl into the corner and die. The fact I was even discussing this showed how awful of a person I was.

"It's better if I never open Pandora's Box, Vicky. It's one of my rules for a reason, a line I won't cross. I say I can't, not I won't, because if I even entertain the idea… It might become a reality. If I do it once, it'll be easier the next time. And then the next time. And then the next time."

"Ames…"

"What would be stopping me from just fucking "fixing" everything I don't like about people? When does it end? When do I-" I cut myself off and forced my train of thought to halt.

I couldn't think that thought. It couldn't be allowed to take root in my head. I couldn't put it into words. It might make it a reality. It needed to stay abstract because I'd be the worst monster possible if it became concrete.

My eyes stayed fixed on the floor, hoping a hole would open and consume me. Vicky was disgusted with me, or angry about throwing her incidents back in her face. She was heroic, and I was a villain waiting to happen.

A pair of arms wrapped around me and I froze. A strong hand pulled my head into the crook of her neck. Blond hair tickled my cheek, as Vicky talked to me. I forced myself to ignore my power.

"I think you're too hard on yourself, Ames."

I sniffled as she pulled me closer.

"You're a better person than you think. You do way more good for the city than I do. You beat yourself up constantly about not doing enough despite that. Even though you don't like going to the hospital, yeah I know, you go anyway. Because it's what's right."

"Dammit Vicky…"

"I don't think you'd ever do any of the things you're worried you would if you used your power like that. I get it though. How couldn't I, you've had an example of what powers out of control look like. It's kind of my fault then, huh?"

"No… It's not…"

"Maybe, but I get it. That's why I told you to tell Mom if something happened again. Because I was hurting you, and I don't want to do that anymore. Even if I panic and I want to try and hide it because I can't trust myself, I want you to hold me responsible."

"... I get it, Vicky. I get how hard it can be to hold yourself back…"

"Doesn't make it any better to put the burden on you. I uh… talked to Wendy, the day you went to the Park."

"How much did you tell her?"

"Just enough to get her advice. She doesn't know about… well, the details."

"She's probably figured it out by now…"

That made Vicky pause. I couldn't see her face but I knew what she was thinking.

"She's cool, she won't tell anyone."

"You're right. I'm getting sidetracked. Ames, you're one of the best heroes this city has."

"No, I'm not."

"In terms of total good done, yeah, you've probably done more good for this city than all of New Wave combined. How does stopping a robber or two compare to saving ten people from dying? Twenty from being crippled forever? That's without even touching their brains."

"Vicky, I ca-" She cut me off.

"I heard you. I think you're being stupid. Scared of something that won't ever come to pass. Because you're a better hero than I am, Ames. Even if you can't see yourself that way, I see you that way, and you trust me, right?"

"I…"

Vicky pulled back a bit, and I almost chased the warmth of the hug. She held me at arm's length, staring at me with wide, concerned eyes. Her lips pulled into a slight pout.

I wanted to kiss her.

"You trust me, right?"

"... Yes."

"If you can't believe in yourself, believe in me, who believes in you. One day, you'll feel ready to work with brains. You'll be able to get past the can't. Don't beat yourself up over doing everything you feel ready to do. You saved their lives, and that's what a hero would do."

Guilt wormed its way through my stomach, eating everything in its path.

"Okay?"

"... Okay."

Her pout turned into a smile, and she pulled me back into the hug. I tried to burrow deeper into her shoulder to escape the guilt. It didn't work.

"We've got nothing to do tomorrow, so we'll take the day off. Make some food and watch those cheesy horror movies you like on the TV. It's been too long since we had a girl's day."

"Okay… Thanks, Vicky." Thanks for trying.

"It's what a good sister is supposed to do. And I've got some making up to do for putting you through all of that."

VIcky's hand came up to run through my hair. I didn't pull away. Neither of us said anything. What Vicky was thinking I didn't know. I felt my eyes well up and forced the tears back. I didn't deserve to cry on her shoulder. I didn't deserve her for a sister.

Not after lying to her when she was trying to help me. Not after getting two people hurt for life because of my mistake. Not after making her worry so much. Not after thinking these thoughts about her.

I wanted to believe her. But I knew she was wrong. I wasn't a hero.

"Vicky!" Carol's voice echoed from downstairs. "You're going to be late!"

She pulled back away from me, and I let her. There was an annoyed look on her face, but it vanished with a sigh. My heart skipped a beat as she gave me another small smile.

"You gonna be okay at the party?"

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, go already." It hurt to tell her to go. "Before Carol gets too mad at you."

"Okay," She laughed and her smile got a little lighter. "You gotta give me the detes about the party later."

"Vicky." Carol's head appeared around the corner of the door. Her eyes flicked between the two of us, her lips thinning. There was a small squint in her eyes before she just shook her head. "You're going to be late. Mark's ready."

"Just telling Amy goodbye. Hope the party goes well for you two. Tell Wendy I said hi!" She grinned at me before walking out past Carol. Then she was gone, leaving me standing in the room, sniffling.

I expected Carol to leave, but she didn't. I didn't want her to see me like this. The closet was a convenient excuse, even if I knew what to wear to the party already. The sniffles wouldn't stop though.

Carol didn't leave, I didn't hear her walk away. She was just standing there in the doorway, staring at me. I didn't look at her, not letting her see. I couldn't handle that judgemental look I knew was in her eyes. Risk her seeing through me and figuring everything out.

"It seems like Vicky did more than just say goodbye." Her tone was uncertain. "I suppose you two have gotten past whatever fight you two had?"

"Y-Yeah." I sniffled, my hands curling into fists in a sweater, forcing my voice steady. "We're good now. We hugged it out."

"Good." There was an awkward pause. "That's good. You two weren't yourselves."

"Thanks…" It left a bitter taste in my mouth. She didn't care if I was upset, she was just happy that Vicky was feeling better.

"You should get ready. We need to leave in an hour, and I know how long you take with your hair."

"Okay."

A moment passed, and then I heard her walking away. A breath I didn't know I had been holding slid out in a relieved sigh. Another sniffle forced its way out, as I forced myself to get my outfit out of the closet. Pathetic.

I laid the outfit on the bed and smoothed it out. It was probably shit, trying to figure out fashion without Vicky's help was a pain in the ass. It just had to be good enough for Carol.

The door shut with a quiet click, and I had a moment of privacy again. The ball was exactly where I had shoved it. I stared down at it, letting its biology fill me.

It helped a bit, seeing how far I had come with it. It wasn't my equipment that had failed me at the park. It was a stupid decision made in anger.

Maybe I should just stop doing this, and stick to the hospital, where I couldn't get anyone hurt…

For now, I needed to get dressed. I had a party to go to.