Chapter 11 - Wormtail Repents

Sirius glowered at Wormtail's back as Dumbledore led him into the next room, where the other Order members were seated around the large wooden table.

He felt deeply betrayed by Dumbledore's actions, wondering why the man hadn't mentioned his plans to him beforehand, and feeling furious that he had inflicted Wormtail's presence on them like this.

"Everyone, as you may know, this is Peter Pettigrew." Dumbledore said, a hand on the short man's shoulder as he introduced him to the group, as one might introduce a shy new student to a class.

"S-Severus!" Wormtail squeaked on seeing Snape there.

"He is on our side." Dumbledore explained. "As is Peter." He said to the group at large. "He asks that we give him a second chance. I know many of you here will not want to, but we must remember we are at war. We do not have the luxury of choice."

Sirius was quite sure Wormtail would make precisely zero difference to the fight against Voldemort, even if he was on their side, but he said nothing.

"He has agreed to manage the accounts for us."

Sirius burst out laughing.

Dumbledore turned to him. "Something funny, Sirius?"

Merlin's beard, where to begin?! "Nothing is funny about the man who got a T in his arithmancy OWL managing our finances for us whatsoever." He said with as straight a face as he could manage.

Dumbledore frowned at him. "Right." He turned back to the rest of the group. "Peter has seen the error of his ways and he wishes to help our cause. I am trusting him with this task as a first step. I am sure you will all join me in giving a repentant man a second chance."

Sirius couldn't bear it when people spoke like this. 'I am sure you will…' well, Dumbledore could live in fantasy land if he wanted. He wasn't buying it.

"And now I think it will be advantageous to hear what Peter has to say for himself." He smiled at the shorter man. "Peter, the floor is yours."

Sirius felt no sympathy for the man whatsoever as he turned to face his very hostile looking audience.

"Th-thank you for having me." Wormtail began to a very unimpressed silence. "I know I'm… not exactly everyone's cup of tea."

"Or coffee, beer or squash." Moody growled from beside Sirius.

"Not a day goes by that I don't regret what I did." Wormtail continued. "It was the worst mistake of my life."

Sure it was, Sirius thought derisively. It hadn't exactly worked out brilliantly for him, had it?

"I picked the wrong side. I was scared. I'm not asking you to forgive me, but I want to start making amends. I will not make the same mistake again."

"Peter has offered to make the unbreakable vow." Dumbledore told the group. "He says he will lay down his life for the cause if it comes to it."

"That's what the little coward said last time." Moody growled again.

Sirius quite agreed. Yes they'd been young when they'd joined the Order the first time round, but they'd all agreed to do what it took, hadn't they? No one had forced Peter to join. It sounded like he'd gone along because he felt pressured into it by the others, but didn't that just prove his cowardice even more?

"Does anyone have any questions?" Dumbledore asked the group.

They of course had plenty.

"How do we know we can really trust him?"

"Why can't Sirius do the accounts? It's his house we use as HQ!"

"What if Voldemort follows him here?"

"Sorry Albus, but what were you thinking?!"

Dumbledore of course answered them all patiently and thoroughly. When he was finished, the group blinked mutinously at him, but no one raised any more objections and so Wormtail was invited to sit and they got down to business.

The meeting had a different energy about it to their usual gatherings.

Though they of course took their work seriously, there was usually plenty of good humour in the discussions, and several side conversations and chit chat.

This time however, the gathered Order members listened to Dumbledore stoically and at the end they made their leave quickly. It seemed none of them wanted to be in his or Wormtail's company longer than necessary.

Sirius took Harry by the shoulder and made to lead him away too but Dumbledore stopped him.

"Sirius, Harry, can I have a quick word? Remus?" Remus looked up from where he'd been clearing papers away from the table. "Will you join us too?"

Wormtail was standing beside him. Sirius eyed the man distastefully. If Dumbledore thought there was any chance he was going to forge some kind of happy alliance between them all he was going to be sorely disappointed.

"OK." He agreed and Dumbledore led them all into the study, which is where the headmaster seemed to feel the most comfortable, despite it being the room Sirius despised the most.

He conjured a few extra chairs so they could all sit and then settled himself down behind the desk. Once a headmaster always a headmaster, Sirius thought wryly.

"So." The old man began, doming his fingers and smiling at them all as if he was about to let them into a very exciting secret. "We're working together now."

Sirius, Harry and Remus all glared at Wormtail who at least had the good grace to look down at his feet.

"It will probably take some getting used to."

That was the understatement of the century.

"But I am sure you will all manage it."

That was the overestimation of the millennia.

"With all due respect Albus, I can't personally see that happening." Remus said, voicing Sirius' own thoughts in the polite yet firm way he never seemed able to manage himself.

"What makes you say that?" Dumbledore asked, looking inquisitively over his half-moon spectacles at Remus.

Remus turned incredulously to Sirius, who understood what was going on precisely. Why was that even a question?!

"Well I suppose for one thing he betrayed two of our best friends." Remus said reasonably. "And for another, he tried to get me murdered."

It sounded fair enough to Sirius. He turned to the headmaster. Your move, Albus…

"That's right, he did." Dumbledore said simply.

Remus and Sirius both stared at him. Was that really it?

"Sorry Albus, I don't think I can do this anymore." Sirius said, getting to his feet. This whole thing was a ridiculous joke. He couldn't be part of it. "I think you're losing the plot."

Albus said nothing. He just watched him.

Sirius turned to Remus and Harry. "Well, what are you doing?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm with you." And he got to his feet too, but Harry remained seated.

"Harry?" Dumbledore said gently, watching the boy intently.

Harry was staring at the desk in front of him, his eyes a little overbright.

"It doesn't make a difference." He said so quietly Sirius had to sit back down to better hear him. "It won't matter what we do to him now. I'm never getting my parents back." A single tear leaked out from one of his eyes. "What's the point in punishing him for it now?"

Sirius stared at him. He surely couldn't be hearing this right. "Harry, how can you say that? This worthless piece of filth here is the reason you have no parents!"

"I know." Harry said, again refusing to look anywhere but at the desk in front of Dumbledore. Dumbledore, by contrast, was looking at Harry with something bordering on reverence.

He sighed and turned to face Sirius at last. "What do you suggest we do, Sirius?"

Sirius gaped at him. Make him suffer was what he wanted to say of course, and he couldn't understand why Harry felt otherwise. Surely his rage was greater than even Sirius'.

"I'm sick of hating him for what he did. I just want to move on."

"You're a brave man, Harry." Albus said, bringing all their attention back to him now. "Yes." He said, looking at Sirius and Remus now. "It takes a particular and refined form of bravery to let go of our righteous indignation and accept we will never have the answers we need. That is what you are angry about." He told the two men. "You want answers. You can't understand why Peter could have done what he did. Yet Harry here is willing to face the unknown. He is willing to move forwards accepting that he may never know, and to live a life of uncertainty is to live a life of courage."

Sirius wasn't sure about that. It sounded like quite a surefire way to be taken advantage of to him.

"I won't forget what he did." Harry said, and Sirius was taken aback by the ferocity in his eyes as he turned to look at him again. "I'm not weak. And that's why I want to let it go. Because I need to be strong. If I'm going to fight Voldemort I need to do it without any hang ups from the past." He turned to Wormtail. "I'll do what I need to do. And if that means working with you, I'm willing to do it." And he held out his hand.

Sirius had never been especially good at describing his emotions, but the one he felt right now as he watched his godson make peace with his parents' killer was surely indescribable to anyone. It was an odd mixture of incredulity, disbelief, amazement and pride.

"You're a better man than me, Harry." Remus said, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing his eyes with it.

Dumbledore had tears in his eyes too. "If you ever doubted you were strong Harry," he said quietly, "remember this moment."

Dumbledore and Wormtail left shortly after that. Wormtail had been set up in a safe house in Scotland, where Dumbledore could keep in regular contact with him. Sirius wasn't at all sad to see them leave.

He had to admit he was proud of his godson for putting his feelings towards Wormtail behind him, but he also had to admit he wasn't quite there yet himself.

"You agree with me, don't you?" He asked Remus after Harry had gone up to bed that night.

Remus sighed, the firelight in the drawing room reflecting in his brown eyes.

"I did." He said. "But now I'm not sure. In all honesty, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite."

Sirius frowned at him. "Come again?"

Remus turned to look at him. "I always thought I had good principles about things. I thought I was consistent. But I'm not. I'm just as proud and stubborn as you. I just couldn't ever admit it to myself."

"I'm not proud or stubborn!" Sirius argued, feeling stung by the remark.

"Er, I think you've proved my point on both counts mate."

Sirius laughed. "Alright, maybe a bit. But you're not really like that. You forgive far too easily most of the time. I still don't know why you talked to me after I…you know." He looked away awkwardly. The incident in their fifth year still felt uncomfortable to talk about.

"Yes, I can forgive you for almost getting me killed." They'd all known (or should have known) what would have happened to Remus if he'd murdered Snape while transformed. "But I can't forgive Wormtail for doing the same to my friends. Like I said, I'm a hypocrite."

"I'm sure things would have been different if it had succeeded with Snape." Sirius said, scratching his nose awkwardly.

Remus sighed. "To be honest Sirius, I doubt it. I'd have still found a way to blame myself. But I don't do that with others. And now I can't let it go when I ought to."

Sirius frowned at him. "Is this Dumbledore?" The headmaster always had a strange ability to tell people exactly what was 'wrong' with them psychologically.

He'd done the same with Sirius after his trip to Azkaban.

"You can't let it go because it isn't right." He'd said gently as Sirius had relived the horror of the island in his office once more.

"It's one of the things I see a lot of in Gryffindors." He smiled. "Their need for justice and courageous action often blinds them to their helplessness and with it, at times, their compassion for themselves and others."

Fortunately, he'd explained this a bit more. And Sirius had to admit the headmaster had got him pegged. Feeling powerless had always been Sirius' downfall. He could cope with anything life threw his way as long as he knew there was eventually an escape, or as long as he could fight for one. Azkaban, more than anywhere else in his life, had drained him of his fight, and without his fight, he was no one. He'd turned it in on himself, he'd lost, as Dumbledore said, his sense of care and compassion, least of all for himself. That was until he'd seen Wormtail in that newspaper and realised Harry was in danger.

"It will take time." Dumbledore had said gently. "But, more importantly than that, it will take acceptance. Do you think you can do that?"

Sirius wasn't sure. It sounded a lot like giving in to him. Was this why he couldn't let go of his feelings towards Wormtail now too?

"It's not right." He said as Remus continued to say nothing. "Whatever Dumbledore says, you can't just lie back and do nothing in life."

"He's not saying that. He's just not letting hatred get in the way of doing a good job."

Sirius sighed and looked back at his friend. He could understand what Remus and Dumbledore were saying now. Having resentments only hurt you. Wouldn't it be more productive and helpful to yourself to let go of the old bitter, angry feelings?

Where the heck to start with that?!

"It'll come." Remus said, looking quite far away too. "But Dumbledore's right. I think Harry might just be braver than all three of us."

Sirius smiled. It really was a proud moment when the child, or teenager, you cared for taught you things in life. Someone somewhere had clearly done something right by Harry, or maybe it was just James and Lily's genes coming out in him. He really did have the best combination of them both.

Harry went back to Hogwarts and wrote only to tell them of their successful quidditch practices and how Ron and Lavender finally broke up and Hermione was being perfectly friendly towards Ron again. This bit made Remus smile wryly.

"I think I may be getting close to finding one." Dumbledore confessed to Sirius and Remus one day in late May.

"A horcrux?" Sirius asked, instantly alert.

It hadn't been a cheery Order meeting. There had been another wave of dementor attacks to report and Kingsley and Tonks weren't sure how long the ministry could carry on. They were sure half the department for magical law enforcement was under the imperius curse the new laws they were creating were so bizarre.

"All those poor muggleborns." Tonks had said, tears in her eyes as she shared news of the muggleborn registration committee they were establishing. "I've told mum and dad. They're going into hiding." She looked even sadder at this.

Remus took her hand. "We'll find a way to have them at the wedding."

Yes, that was some other news. Remus and Tonks were engaged.

In classic Remus style he didn't make a fanfare about it. Tonks, by contrast, was over the moon.

"I'll be away from the castle with Harry." Dumbledore told them presently. "Remus, perhaps you and Nymphadora could station yourselves at Hogwarts to provide some extra guard? Sirius?" He turned to him. "You have a choice."

He smiled at the headmaster. "Thanks for giving me one."

Dumbledore nodded. "I think between the three of us it should be a job well done."

Sirius was sure of it. How hard could it possibly be?

...

A/N: :-) (Don't worry, nothing too bad will happen... I think...!)