After a disaster of Khan Noonien Singh's amplitude, the worst thing isn't all the burials and commemoration ceremonies, Uhura thinks, staring blankly at her computer screen. No, the worst is when duty interrupts your mourning too soon. It's been a month since Khan's arrest, two weeks since Captain Kirk emerged from his coma, and six days since the burial of the Enterprise's fallen, those poor people who did not survive Khan and Marcus' plans. The Enterprise repairs won't be finished before three months at least, yet it's time for the Enterprise officers to say goodbye to the fallen and recruit their successors.

In front of her computer, looking without reading the curriculum vitae of a dozen potential candidates, Uhura feels dirty. She can't do it right now. She can't concentrate enough to do it.

Looking behind the screen, she's surprised to see that life goes on normally in San Francisco. It shouldn't. These last two years, she saw so much death and so much destruction, but the Enterprise rarely stays long enough to help repair the damage. It's strange to see the city rebuild itself step by step.

She's in a park. It suffered little during the attack. However, the skyscrapers on the other side of the park, near the bay, did. She can see dozens of mobile cranes between the towers, raising materials to the most damaged floors. She contemplates the scene for a few minutes. It's kind of peaceful. When she looks back at the park, she jumps.

Someone quietly sat on the next bench. Just a year ago, she would have frowned and walked away in angry silence. Now, she smiles at her captain, and says nothing when he discreetly examining her. She does the same instead. He looks exhausted, which is not unexpected after his death and resurrection. But there's so much pain and stress on his face... Uhura understands and sympathizes. Admiral Pike's death was hard for him. She can say he was the only real father figure he had, and it's rather sad.

He's too quiet right now. Uhura worries. Usually, Jim Kirk is a loud person, someone who likes to hear his own voice. No, Uhura corrects herself mentally. She knows him better than that now. He's a man who can't bear to be alone with his thoughts. Yet he's content to look at the skyline in silence with her. And if he does not speak, his eyes also lack their usual spark. Uhura almost shivers. she remembers those wide blue eyes, frozen in fear against the Enterprise's reactor door.

"Are you okay, captain?" she finally ask to stop the memories from overwhelming her.

"I'm fine," Kirk replies too quickly. "And you Uhura? I learned..."

Uhura can't hold back a sigh. It's so annoying. Ever since her breakup with Spock, every crew member seems determined to ask her how she's doing. Maybe she should walk everywhere with a sign explaining the breakup was by mutual consent, has been brewing for a long time, and yes, they will remain friends. That's the problem when you're leaving with so many people for a year, everyone's start to think of each other as family. Uhura learned to give up much of her privacy.

"Everything is fine between Spock and me. None of this will affect our daily work."

"I know that. Both of you are paragons of discipline. If it were up to me, you would have received an award long ago for your perfect professionalism. But how are you? Really?"

"I'm fine," she can sincerely say. "You must have realized it was brewing and... I'm fine."

"But something's wrong."

Sometimes, Uhura would like to kick her captain for being so obtuse and frivolous. Other times, it's because of his talent to understand people.

"It's the recruitment, captain. It's a bad time, but it'll pass."

Kirk nods. No one knows that more than him. He's the captain. He bears the weight of every death that has taken place under his command. Uhura wishes she didn't make it worse for him. She knows what people say against him, the accusations, the slander. She can read it in his eyes.

"It's a bad time, but it'll pass," Kirk repeats. She can hear the doubt in his voice. "Did you see any outstanding candidates?"

"Some. I'm still looking. I'll submit my choice once I'm sure. There's still time."

"Three months, normally. More than enough, when you're stuck on Earth."

"You're right. I'll get back to it."

"Not right now." The captain's eyes light up. He leans towards her as if he wanted to tell something in confidence. "Right now, it's time for you to join my little plot. Come."

Uhura frowns instinctively. She knows her captain. She's in the right to expect the worst, but Kirk's smile is sincere. And she's so relieved to see him getting better, the only thing she can do is to follow him and keep him busy to prevent him from starting brooding again.

Kirk leads her through San Francisco streets, moving easily in the crowd. Uhura, who spent two years more than him at the Academy, realizes he knows the city much better than her. She's lost in a matter of minutes. They left the broad streets and building behind for tightly packed houses with peeling paint.

"Where are we, captain? I don't recognize the neighbourhood."

"It doesn't look like much, does it? The district has hardly changed since the end of the 21st century. Its inhabitants formed an association to protect the neighbourhood from being replaced by the same old skyscrapers we see everywhere. They even forced the surrounding buildings to get green walls to limit "visual pollution", as they said. The problem is they needed a law to preserve their neighbourhood. They won, but after that, even they couldn't change anything. The neighbourhood collapsed, everything deteriorated, the green walls disappeared, and here we are."

Once again, Kirk surprises Uhura with his culture. Her astonishment shows enough for the captain to shrug and smile.

"I love this city. I know some parts which aren't in the tourist books. It's not very beautiful here, but it hides some good things. Come."

Uhura asks no more questions. She follows him until they stop in front of a dusty shop. The window is so dirty she couldn't even see inside. But the interior is tidy, with not a single drop of dust around. She wonders how legal the place and the merchandise are until she notices labels with price and origin on everything. She can see old books and works of art from many origins, but mostly from Earth. There are some very fine examples of Bambara, Ifé and Korean art that she recognizes.

"Where are we, captain?"

"You can find some art shops in the vicinity, run by people who prefer tranquility to all those Federation tourists. I spotted something there, and I'd like your opinion. Here it is."

Uhura leans over to see the item Kirk hands here. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the stone owner, a middle-aged Asian, observing them. Uhura turns her attention back to the heavy leather-bound volume. She opens it and stops in admiration behind the illustrations. Her Russian is rusty - she has more opportunities to practice alien languages - but she can read it. It's a series of anecdotes about famous Russian tales, people and inventions. Uhura looks back at Kirk. She still doesn't know why he dragged her here.

"As I said, you can find everything in these shops. Sometimes they're the real deal, and sometimes ripoffs. My Russian is not good enough to be sure that woman have not lied to me to about this book's content. So tell me please, do you think it's the perfect gift for Chekov?"

"I think so? Is it his birthday? I forgot!"

She feels bad, even if she has an excuse, with last month's events. And now she remembers it's his eighteenth birthday.

"I think we all need to remember that life goes on," Kirk says, picking back the book. "I was thinking of a small party for the occasion, a meal with the entire team. Those who are here, at least."

"I'll contact everyone. Make the reservation, I'm sure you know the perfect place."

She accepts no protest from Jim, who still protests he can take care of everything while they buy the book and return to busier parts of San Francisco. He always wants to take care of everything and assume all responsibilities. If they let him, he would try to do every job on the Enterprise and kill himself before his twenty-seventh birthday. It's a little childish of him, and it worries Uhura.

She contacts the Enterprise's officers and then the crew members who are friends with Chekov. It turns out she's the first one Kirk talks about organizing a party. She's flattered, kind of.

Her discussions with the crew definitely convince her Kirk had a great idea. For the first time since Khan's attacks, the crew shows enthusiasm for something. Each person she talks to about the party confirms their attendance or proposes to send a personal gift if they can't. She receives hundreds of touching words for Chekov from those absents, full of anecdotes about life on board alongside promises to serve again together on the Enterprise soon. A few people confess they had been considering asking for a transfer to a less dangerous position until then, but they're glad the invitation reminded them the Enterprise is a family and now they're glad they didn't do it.

Every message is touching. She says so to Spock that night while she contacts him on New Vulcan. He went there for a few weeks, after their breakup.

"Humans' ability to grow stronger as a group after a catastrophe is fascinating."

"It's not the attack that strengthened us," she disagrees. "But a person. Kirk has enough charisma to raise an army if he wanted to."

"Then let us hope... what is the human expression? That he does not use his powers in the service of evil."

The next days, he calls back to announce he'll return sooner than expected to be there for the party. It's a huge social effort on his part. She'll say so to Kirk and Chekov later.

The small party quickly takes on unexpected proportions. Nearly a third of the crew wants to come. Uhura puts an end to it with a collective message to apologize. There's no way they could find a place big enough to house all of them. She gives Captain Kirk's personal assurance they'll celebrate the Enterprise's second departure on board in a few months.

The party is formed of ten officers and fifteen close friends of Chekov on the Enterprise, plus a few family members and friends from Russia. The young man stops in shock when they welcome him in a vast warehouse converted into a restaurant and dance hall in the space age beginnings. They make up half the patrons, and the other half doesn't seem to know if they should be angry about the noise they're making or impressed to see the Federation's most famous crew.

Chekov looks ready to cry, so Kirk saves him by making an impromptu speech. When he pushes Chekov toward the crowd, if his eyes are getting red, no one mentions it. They eat, they made speeches, and they give gifts to Chekov. After that, the guest begins to move and discuss in small groups. On the dance floor, Kirk and Sulu dance with his young friends and cousins. Soon, other people join them. Uhura doesn't get up. She stays at the table, sipping her drink and staring at the captain with narrowed eyes. Scotty, one of the few to not dance, settles on her right.

"What's going on, Uhura?" he asks, leaning casually on the table. "Looks like you're trying to solve a particularly hard puzzle."

She is. Uhura has never seen a more complex enigma than James Tiberius Kirk. When he told her about his birthday project, which he dubbed Project Matryoshka, she nearly rolled her eyes, but she was touched by how much he cared for the crew. She thought the same thing as everyone else: only Kirk would think that a party solves all problems. And this time it was. The crew cohesion has been strengthened. She has received more applications in recent days. All of them mentioned a desire to belong to such a close-knit team, and that's Kirk's charisma effect.

In her head, Uhura is manipulating the Kirk puzzle pieces. Good with people. Daredevil. Alternately respectful and odious with women, as if he wanted to be rejected. Maybe because it was easier? Brilliant strategist who rushes straight ahead without thinking most of the time. A man who trusts his guts more than his brain. A doctor's best friend who doesn't like doctors. A man who builds a family on his ship but never contacts his own. Bossy, cannot stand authority. Control closely his alimentation, but lacks consideration for his health in all other areas. Always devoted to his crew, still selfish sometimes. Polyglot. Impressive chess player. Passionate about history, architecture or ethnology. Good with children, not with adults.

Uhura knows she's missing a few pieces to put together the puzzle. So many contradictions, so many secrets. Why?

Because of that, it's hard for her to consider Kirk a friend. She can't stand secrets. It's part of the reason she became a linguist and joined Starfleet: to decipher the secrets of the universe. She needs to decipher the Kirk mystery.

"I know that look," McCoy says. He sits on the other side of the bench.

"Really?"

"Oh, yes... I had that look for my first two years at the Academy. You're trying to dissect Kirk from afar. But is it to understand him or find the better way to kill him?"

"Sadly, I gave up that idea months ago," she jokes. "I made some maths, and I've got better chances of survival and promotion if he's alive."

"Wise decision. I'd hate to visit you in jail."

"If I change my mind, I won't get caught. I'll frame one of you and become the Enterprise's next captain."

Scotty laugh.

"You mean we'd get more sleep and less trouble? Where do I sign? I'm ready to help you get rid of this noisy maniac!"

The three of them laugh. After a moment, McCoy sobers.

"I'll give you some advice. Don't try to decipher Jim's behavior. You wouldn't get anywhere. I know, I tried for three years. You'd only catch a headache."

"There must be a way," she mutters. She sounds like a child being denied a trick. "Something that explains why Kirk is... Kirk"

"Yes, there is. I did not find it. I doubt we could, even if we dug in Starfleet archives. Jim's too good a hacker when he wants to erase his tracks. He won't talk about it. Maybe he will, someday. Until then, we should accept him as he is, with his inconsistencies and all. Can you?"

"I don't like it."

"Of course, you don't. You hate secrets, Uhura."

"It's not just that. Even if I don't understand Kirk, I trust him as my captain. But I can't be his friend if I don't understand him. I can only be his officer. And I'm not saying I want all his secrets on the table, I just want to understand. Also, I worry about him."

"Me too," Scott says. "It's not healthy to hide behind fake smiles and an exuberant persona, as the captain does. He'll only hurt himself in the long run."

"Not in my custody," the doctor barks.

Uhura wants to believe him. McCoy is Kirk's best and oldest friend, so she withholds her thought. And what if he hurt himself on purpose, doctor? Could we stop him? What says he hasn't already tried?

It's another piece of the puzzle. Jim Kirk is so willing to risk his life for others that it borders on suicidal behavior. More than borders. She feels nauseous, so she apologizes to her friends and gets up. Kirk has left the dance floor. He's chatting with Chekov, whom she hasn't had time enough to congratulate.

"Uhura has done half the job," she hears the captain say when he sees her. "More, even."

She rolls her eyes.

"Jim Kirk, who refuses to take all the credit for himself. I have seen everything."

Kirks smiles, of course. He loves the banter as much as her. Their routines make Chekov smile too. He thanks her. The young boy - no, he's a young man, now - is contagious. Uhura forgets her questions about Kirk to ask the young ensign about his family. They're going to spend five years in space. It's terribly long to be separated from your family. Both of them intend to make the most of the three months they have before their departure. Kirks listens intently, but his smile can not hide his sadness. Family is a sore subject with him, so Uhura deftly changes the subject of the conversation to allow him to take part.

One by one, the guest come to say goodbye to Kirk and Chekov. McCoy, Sulu and Scotty are among the last to leave, saying they're going to end the night with a last drink in another pub. Chekov and his family bid their farewell as well, their shuttle to Saint Petersburg leaving early in the morning.

Kirk, Spock and Uhura are the last to leave. The three of them are staying in a hotel for the Starfleet officers on campus, so they walked together through the quiet streets of San Francisco. The weather is nice and many people are out, even if it is late. Some people recognize them and salute them, but mostly, they leave the small group alone. Their anonymity is forever lost on Earth, but their recent loss encourages people to leave them alone.

"Jimmy?"

Kirk stops in his track, shock written on his face. Curious, Uhura turns around to see a young man, about Chekov's age, dark-haired, with honest eyes, a little frail for his age. He walks towards the captain with a big smile. His eyes are full of admiration. At the last second, he stops, a little embarrassed.

"Sorry. You may not recognize me, but..."

Kirk pulls the young man into a warm embrace.

"Kevin Riley, of course," he whispers. Emotion makes his voice hoarse. "I almost didn't recognize you. The last pictures I have are a few years old. You grew up well!"

"You've got pictures of me?"

"Of course I do! What, did you think I haven't been keeping tabs on your all?"

Uhura is a language specialist. Her speciality includes body language, so she can tell something's wrong. On the bridge, Kirk always seeks for his officers, looking for what they're thinking, but he's avoiding their eyes right now. His shoulders are tensed like he's preparing for fight or flight. His smile is sincere, but his jaw clenches. Something is very wrong.

The problem doesn't come from the young man. Kirk seems sincerely happy to see him. No, it comes from her and Spock's presence. They're not wanting here, even if she doesn't know why.

She pretends to yawn.

"Captain, I'm too tired to wait for you if you're going to talk with your friend. Spock, what are you doing?"

The half-Vulcan raises an eyebrow. They've known each other for so long that he immediately understands her silent command to follow her lead, even if he did not see Kirk's discomfort. They say goodbye to a surprised Riley, and a relieved Kirk.

"The captain was acting strangely," Spock says once they're out of earshot.

"You noticed too?"

"I am afraid I did not at first. What you call human body language is still hard to decipher for me. However, your reaction tells me there was something I missed. Now I can see the captain acting like he was going to fight. Would you help me understand what is going on?"

"You want to understand Jim Kirk's behavior?"

"I would like to, yes."

That's new. Spock gave up long ago to understand humanity's paradoxes. He suffers them, or at least he says so. Uhura thinks he secretly likes them, but he never tried to understand her contradictions and this is one reason they broke up. They could overcome their cultural differences, but could not let the other enter their intimacy. They never really tried, so the fault is also on Uhura. That's why she was so surprised to see him wanting to understand Kirk.

"As his second in command, I should seek to understand my captain's behavior," Spock replies to her unspoken question. "Understanding improves the cohesion and efficiency of a crew."

She smiles affectionately at him. Of course, this is a matter of logic. Or so he says. Spock would never openly admit that the Kirk mystery makes him curious too.

"How would you explain his behavior?"

"The captain showed all the characteristics of joy when he met his friend. Yet, he showed an unusual tension at the same time. I do not understand why."

"It's because we were there. I don't know why, but I am certain of my theory."

"The captain has never shown reluctance to present his acquaintances to us."

He's right, and Uhura does not know what to think about that. They continue to walk in silence until they've safely arrived at their hotel. None of them had any theory to share with the other, and they are tired. Their rooms are contiguous. It's time to say goodbye.

"Good night, Spock. Thank you for coming today. Chekov was very touched."

"It was nothing," Spock replies, which is his way of saying he missed the crew. "Do not let the captain's action keep you awake."

Uhura laughs and closes the door. She's happy and relieved to see their friendship is still there. Tonight was maybe the best moment they shared since before Khan's attack. That is all that matters.

The next day, Uhura wakes up early with much to think about, such as the applications she must select and submit to the captain, the conference she's been invited to, the paper she must finish and her next departure for Kinshasa. Last night's encounter is the last thing on her mind.

She goes to work in the hotel's common room. It would be quieter in her room, but after a year on the Enterprise, she's used to having dozens of people talking around her. The permanent promiscuity made her the opposite of agoraphobic. She likes to see Starfleet members come and discuss with people she knows.

She makes good progress, even with those interruptions. Noons come and she's getting hungry, so she goes to the dining room. She isn't surprised to see Scotty, Sulu, and Kirk there. The table is covered with pages and pages of calculations, at the risk of knocking their dishes down. No one says anything to them. The staff is used to geniuses lost in their work. Most Starfleet officers are like that. Uhura and McCoy's arrival force them to put away their work and make some room.

After a few bites and some jokes, Uhura notices two singular things. Kirk is quiet and his plate is full. Her surprise must show on her face, because McCoy frowns.

"Damn it, Jim, not again," he breathes.

Uhura only hears him because she's seated on his right. Kirk must have sensed the doctor's worry. He sends him an apologetic smile and turns back to answer Sulu's question. Uhura frowns. The smile was fake. There are dark circles under his eyes. He didn't sleep last night.

After a year aboard the Enterprise, Uhura knows how to add two and two. Kirk's behavior is unusual. The night before, he looked happy until they met Riley. And now, Kirk does not sleep and does not eat. If there's an aspect of his life where Kirk is a maniac, it's food. So seeing him eat is as strange as Spock smiling and shaking hands with everyone. Worse, he's moving his food from one side of his plate to another, raising his fork to his mouth, then putting the food back on the plate with a gag, again and again.

How can a simple encounter put him in such a state? Uhura has never seen him so disturbed, even after Nero and Khan.

She tries to remember. Riley didn't look threatening the day before. He was nothing special. She only noticed a heavy accent she can't quite put down now that she thinks about it. Yet she knows most of Earth's accents. Likewise, for other Human accents. She hasn't heard Riley's accent before, but she finds a fairly similar way to Kirk's swallowing of some letters. It's not something that comes from his years in Iowa. Riley's more pronounced accent could show he was born or spent his childhood on a world where Kirk arrived at a later age.

Riley and Kirk could have spent some time of their lives in the same place, probably during their respective childhood and youth, given the age difference and how much time it took Kirk to recognize Riley. If Kirk as a child had one-tenth the charisma of current Kirk, Uhura can understand Riley's admiration. It's nice to imagine a lanky teenager Kirk followed everywhere by a kid barely out of his diapers. But it doesn't explain what's happening on his plate.

Uhura is a trained diplomat. She should know when to let go of a subject before it's too late. She's the only one to blame when she doesn't. Damn her curiosity. Her only excuse is her concern for a man who's becoming a friend.

"By the way, captain, what happened to your friend from last night's? You didn't see each other for a long time. I thought you'd spend time together."

Kirk's hand tightens on his fork.

"He had things to do," he says in an even tone. "He's about to attempt Starfleet entrance exam. Wonder what gave him the idea."

His act does not fool Uhura, but she still smiles. It's not surprising to see the young man trying to follow in his hero's footsteps. In the years to come, many others will try.

"Who are you talking about?" Sulu asks.

"We ran into a young fan of the captain last night. Just like Chekov in the beginning."

"He followed me everywhere when he was a kid," Kirk recalls with a nostalgic smile. "It was impossible to escape him. I didn't know he wanted to enlist. It's hard to imagine a kid who always had snot on his nose on a spaceship."

"But you lose sight of each other?"

"I had news through mutual friends. Pictures, that sort of thing. It's good to see him."

"Where do you know each other from?"

In one year aboard the Enterprise, the crew must have met thirty of Kirk's friends, including former lovers. Kirk is always happy to introduce them. Like Scotty and Sulu, Uhura came to appreciate it. It's always nice to learn more about their captain and to hear more anecdotes about him. Kirk never hesitates to answer questions about his friends. He likes people.

This time, the question takes Kirk by surprise. He grabs a glass of water to calm himself, but put it down before it escapes his hand. Kirk tries to look elsewhere.

"I lived near his house for a while. When... things changed, we stayed in touch."

The captain's voice is just a whisper. Everyone can feel his nervousness, so they cut short the conversation. The rest of the meal is brief. Kirk is the first to get up. As soon as he's out of earshot, everyone turns to McCoy, not sure how to phrase their worry. Sulu's the first to ask.

"What's going on? I've never seen the captain act like that."

"If I knew..." Mc Coy stops himself and shakes his head. "Since I've known him, I have seen him in this state, five, maybe six times. He's anxious, stops eating for a few days, then everything goes back to normal. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with someone's death at least twice, but he never answered my questions. I'll be watching, like always, but..."

McCoys's taking that like a personal affront, like anything involving his friend's health. Uhura puts down her fork, her appetite gone.

"If I knew, I would never have talked about last night."

"You couldn't know, Uhura."

"Maybe not, but... I'm going to apologize."

She doesn't listen to McCoy's attempt to convince her she should leave Kirk alone for now. Mentally, she scolds herself for her curiosity and brashness. Is unraveling Kirk's mystery more important than her captain's feelings? Yes, she could not have expected such a reaction, and she's only partly guilty for Kirk's current mental state, but still. She showed as much insensitivity as... a Vulcan.

Kirk already left the hotel lobby. Uhura heads for his room, hoping he's still in the building. She's relieved to see him in the corridor and rushes to catch up. The corridor makes an angle there. The captain, eyes fixed on the floor, turn without looking. Unaware of his coming, Spock turns towards them at the same time. Surprised, he lifts his hand for the ta'al. But Kirk didn't notice him. He's in no condition to notice everything and collides with him. Instinctively, Spock changes his salute into a repelling gesture.

His eyes widen in surprise and dread. Their hands have accidentally touched. Of course, Kirk knows such a touch is a terrible transgression for a Vulcan. But in the mental state he's in, he instinctively clings to Spock and seizes Spock's hand like a drowning man. Uhura watches all this, powerless to act. When Kirk collapses against Spock, she runs to help.

She cannot imagine how they must feel toward that involuntary telepathic contact. She grabs Kirk by the shoulder and tries to untie their tangled hand without touching Spock. The last thing she wants is to add something to his discomfort. Kirks's eyes dart around, seeing nothing. He doesn't seem to realize where he is and who is there with him.

"Captain, Jim, it's alright, you can let him go," she whispers. She hopes she can reach him.

"I'm going to puke," the captain whispers, without letting go of Spock's hand.

"Nyota." Spock's voice is shaking. "My key. Right pocket."

Uhura lets go of Kirk's arm and grabs the key. She runs to open Spock's door. Fortunately, it's not far away. Stepping aside, she let Spock enter, half-carrying, half-dragging the captain because Kirk's legs are barely carrying him. She closes the bedroom door after them, making sure no one has witnessed the scene, and follows them to the bathroom. Just in time. Kirk manages to bend over the sink before he throws up what he swallowed since the morning, so basically nothing. He gags for a few minutes, then collapses into Spock's arm, half unconscious.

Spock never let him go, but now he seems lost. Uhura motions for him to be quiet and to help Kirk lie on the bed. Kirk falls asleep instantly. It makes things easier, at least. Uhura bends down to examine him. He looks as pale as death. Only a slight breath shows he's alive. But if he's sleeping, it's not so bad.

"Is Doctor McCoy in the building?" Spock asks. He seems more in control of his voice.

"He is, but let's not call him."

"It does not seem wise. The captain may not like doctors and infirmaries, but..."

"When he wakes up, if it seems he needs a doctor, I'll be the first to say we should call McCoy. But I think Jim will feel bad enough we saw him like that."

Spock's silence is disapproving, but he does not reach for his communicator. Uhura is sure he's just rehearsing his arguments in his head, but she's still glad for the moment of calm. She too must gather her thoughts. She drops into the only chair, mentally exhausted. Physically, too, like she ran a marathon. At least Kirk's sleeping. He looks more at ease than during the meal. Spock pulls the other chair closer and sits next to her. He too focuses all his attention on the sleeping man.

"I would like to know what happened. Do you know?"

"Just parts. He was not well. I noticed during the meal. He hadn't slept last night. Hadn't eaten today."

"This is most unusual. The captain has a certain tendency to forget to sleep on a mission, but the percentage of time he deliberately skipped a meal is very low."

"How low?"

"0,00003%."

"That's... very low." She expected a very low result, but not as much. Also, she hadn't noticed his sleeping patterns. There must be a connection.

"It is."

"I asked him about the young man we met last night. I was curious, and Kirk usually likes to talk about his friends."

Spock nods.

"The captain is eager to share his experiences and friendships, more than most Humans."

"That's why I saw nothing wrong with my curiosity. He didn't want to talk about it. That was obvious. He left too quickly. I knew I did something wrong. I followed him to apologize, and I was worried. I didn't think enough. That's the problem. I feel so bad right now."

An uncomfortable silence settles in the room. After some time, Uhura turns away from Kirk to look at Spock. His face is unusually expressive. Which is hardly surprising, given that he was unprepared for that physical touch. Uhura may feel bad, but it will be worse for Spock when he realizes he violated one of Vulcan's deepest taboos. The captain respects Spock too much, especially after the bridge incident, during Nero's attack.

"I saw..."

Spock stops in his tracks. This time, Uhura knows she shouldn't hear what he's about to say.

"Don't," she asks. "What you saw belongs to him."

"I heard...," Spock continues as if he hadn't heard, "There were children screaming in fear. I saw fire, blood, and smoke. I do not understand. It made little sense."

"Maybe it wasn't memories. Maybe some nightmare he remembered."

"It could be."

They do not believe her theory, but they need to pretend, for now. A beeping interrupts their conversation. Uhura picks up her comm.

"Uhura, finally," McCoy's voice echoes in the room. "Are you with Jim? I can not reach him."

Uhura glances at the captain. He opens his eyes and stares at her. His eyes are lifeless. She could tell the doctor to come. She chooses to lie because that's what he needs right now. McCoy would only overwhelm him again.

"I just left him."

"How was he?"

"Better, I think. Try to reach him later? I'm sure he'll answer."

Slowly, Kirk nods. McCoy stays quiet.

"Doctor?"

"Fine. I won't keep you, I'm sure you are busy. Keep me posted if you see him again."

Uhura isn't sure he bought her lies. She would still do it again in front of him if necessary. Kirk's look of relief makes her think she did the right thing. But now, she doesn't know what to say. Should she apologize? He wouldn't want her pity. She could say she won't talk about what happened, but hopes he will get help. There are some things you can't process alone. Something happened, that much is clear. And Kirk had faked it for a long time, but it can't be good for him to continue. If things do not get back to normal, she'll insist and threaten to tell McCoy. But Kirk looks better already. Finally, she gets up and puts a thin smile on her face. It feels fake.

"I'll let you rest, captain. If you need me, I'm there."

"I know."

There's nothing more to say. She leaves and collapses against the wall, a few feet from the door. Heavy sobs shook her. She couldn't crack in front of the captain, but she needs to or she'll go insane. Spock comes out a few moments later. He closes the door and stands beside her, waiting for her emotional outburst to be over. Under his Vulcan coldness, he feels things, too. Even if he chooses not to show them, he does not judge her for her human weakness. It's one reason she fell in love with him and why they're still friends.

"I advised the captain to rest as long as he needs it. He did not talk to me, but seemed to recover when I left."

"Did we do the right thing, leaving him alone?"

"I think so."

Uhura nearly wishes she saw what Spock saw in Jim's mind that makes Spock sure Jim will be okay. She does not ask.

"Would you like to come to my room for his departure?" she says when she has regained enough composure to stand.

"I appreciate the invitation. I need to meditate."

Sh wishes she could do the same, or to forget what she saw altogether. Sadly, she can only hope that over time, the immense pain she saw in Kirk's eyes will go or that he will ask for their help. That day, she'll be there for him. There's nothing more she can do, and nothing less.