Disclaimer: I do not own KKM or any of its characters
This chapter was reviewed and updated in January 2021
Please enjoy!
Chapter 9: The Morning After
Cecile knew she had to intervene before Waltorana did or said something he'd regret. As she swept down the corridor in a flurry of skirts she replayed the evening's antics in her mind's eye. She'd seen the way Casper held her youngest child in his arms and she'd seen the way Wolfram smiled at him. She knew, as any mother would, that the two boys were falling in love with each other. The thought made Cecile so happy she wanted start twirling and singing right here in the corridor. Cecile had feared her sons would never find love but she had feared for Wolfram most of all.
Wolfram had closed off his heart when he found out that Conrad was only his half-brother and was half-human. His pride and, Cecile had to admit, his arrogance got in the way of Wolfram's genuine affection for his older brother. He became closed off and angry at the whole world. But underneath all that anger was a terrible loneliness and a desperate fear of never being good enough. Wolfram hid his fears so well that all everyone saw was a cold, aloof and arrogant Prince who cared only for himself. But Cecile was his mother, she knew him better than anyone and she saw the loneliness and fear that fuelled the anger. Wolfram was insecure which made him act arrogant to protect himself which in turn isolated him further. It was a vicious circle which Cecile had feared her little boy would never escape.
Then Yuri arrived and turned the world upside down, Wolfram along with it. Cecile hadn't been sure of the boy-King at first but he'd proved his worth. He opened Wolfram's heart for the first time and forced Wolfram to confront his immaturity. But once again Wolfram sabotaged his own happiness with his fears. He feared Yuri would leave him so he clung so tight he ended up pushing Yuri away. Cecile sighed, her happiness doused slightly at the thought of the life that would never be. The mess of what happened in Big Shimeron was the final wedge that drove Yuri and Wolfram apart irreconcilably. Yuri ended up getting a girl pregnant, Cecile's second cousin no less, and marrying her. Cecile knew that Abby was a bright girl who had skilfully manipulated Yuri, but she also knew that Abby's mother was a witch of a woman who was quite horrid to Abby. The poor girl must have been so starved for love she clung to any smallest indication of the emotion. Yuri had been too naïve to realise how his natural tendency to be kind to everyone would impact on someone like Abby. It wasn't Yuri fault entirely, and Abby was only partly to blame, but here they were and there was no going back now.
Wolfram lost Yuri twice and Cecile feared it would break him. For Wolfram to have made that leap into the unknown and dangerous territory of love for the first time only to be hurt, made Cecile fear he'd never open his heart again. But her stubborn, wonderful, beautiful boy recovered in a way that Cecile couldn't have ever imagined. He'd held his head high and proud during the wedding and not once shown any emotion past stony slightly disinterested silence. While Cecile knew it was an act and that her son was hurting inside, he'd composed himself with a dignity and maturity that had taken her by surprise. Sometimes there was respect to be found from quiet dignity.
Cecile suspected Casper Falken had a hand in Wolfram's newfound strength. It was clear from the moment she met Casper that he was drawn to Wolfram. Cecile had wondered about Casper's intentions, if his feeling were true or a part of a well-thought scheme to worm into the Royal family, but there was something about him that she just immediately liked. Casper was warm, charming and his eyes were kind. Cecile did not sense any dishonesty or nefarious intentions.
There was also the fact that by all accounts Casper had seen Wolfram at his lowest moment, beaten bloody and held captive, but he still treated Wolfram with respect and dignity. Even when he safely delivered Wolfram home he hadn't left. He stayed beside her son to offer comfort and friendship. Mental pain was just as traumatic as any physical injury and often it was those who we chose to love, not those we were bound to love by blood and family, who could offer healing needed for that kind of injury. That Wolfram could move past the pain of his lost love and accept Casper's affections told Cecile all she needed to know of Casper's worth as a man and as a potential suitor to her son. This was the reason she was currently striding towards Waltorana's bedchambers.
This love was too important to Wolfram for his Uncle to get in the way of it. Cecile had intercepted Waltorana last night and convinced him not to make a scene in front of the guests. Drawing attention to Wolfram and Casper would only make the couple stand out even more. Waltorana risked embarrassing Wolfram deeply, and she'd managed to convince Waltorana to leave it alone for the night at least.
Cecile stopped outside a door and rapped her knuckles against the wood. It was almost mid-morning but due to the late night everyone had most of the castle was either sleeping or just starting to stir. Cecile heard someone call for her to enter so she swept into the room and beamed at Waltorana's shocked face. "Good morning Waltorana!"
"Lady Cecile, what are you doing here?" Waltorana asked in surprise. He was sitting at his desk, fully dressed, with a half-finished letter in front of him.
"I wanted to continue our conversation from last night." Cecile shut the door and sat down on the bed since there wasn't a spare chair. Waltorana scowled darkly as he turned around so he could face her without craning his neck.
"I see," Waltorana said darkly.
"Don't wear such a dark scowl, Waltorana." Cecile chided. "You'll give yourself wrinkles."
"Unlike you Cecile I find it difficult to be so flippant where my nephew's future is concerned." Waltorana snapped back looking irritated. Cecile drew herself up straight and all traces of humour vanished. Waltorana caught a glimpse of the former Maoh as Cecile levelled her gaze at him. Cecile so often acted the part of playful and air-headed that it was easy to forget that she could be stern and intelligent when she put her mind to it.
"I can assure you, Waltorana, that where my sons are concerned I am never flippant." Cecile said coolly. Waltorana simply grunted. "Waltorana, I understand that you have concerns regarding Wolfram's relationship with Casper. I wanted to speak to you about those concerns so we can put the matter to rest."
"Of course I have concerns! What I can't comprehend is how easily you have accepted this completely inappropriate relationship." Waltorana growled in frustration.
"Casper saved Wolfram's life and in all my interactions with him I have found him to be very pleasant, charming and polite young man." Cecile pointed out mildly.
"I know what he did and I am grateful to have my nephew returned to me, but it is clear to me that that boy is using Wolfram to further his own gains and that is something I cannot allow." Waltorana banged his hand on the table making his ink pen jump.
"That is not what I see when I look at the two of them together." Cecile said quietly. "It is true that Casper could be using Wolfram, we've both lived long enough to see it happen before, but I simply do not believe that to be the case here."
"Wolfram is the heir to the Bielefeld name and the son of a Maoh while that boy is a farmer! Their social classes couldn't be further apart!" Waltorana scoffed.
"What does social class matter if being with Casper makes Wolfram happy?" Cecile exhaled nosily. "Waltorana, you know as well as I do what Wolfram can be like. He shuts people out because he thinks that if he never lets anyone in then he never has to lose them. And you know as well as I do that Wolfram is lonely."
"It is because Wolfram is lonely that I worry about him." Waltorana had stopped shouting now. He sighed and pressed his fingers together. "Wolfram has suffered great loss and he was subjected to horrors we do not fully comprehend. He won't talk to me about what those bandits did to him but I've seen the scars they left behind. He is emotionally vulnerable right now and can't be expected to make rational decisions. That farm boy is taking advantage of him but Wolfram can't see it."
"Did you see Wolfram dancing with Casper last night?" Cecile asked as she twirled a lock of blond hair around her finger.
"You know I did," Waltorana answered frostily. "You wouldn't let me near them."
"I wouldn't allow you to spoil the evening for Wolfram." Cecile corrected. "When you saw those two dancing together, what exactly did you see?" Waltorana paused before he answered. He could tell by Cecile's tone that the question carried weight.
"I saw a farm boy putting his hands on my nephew after he told me to my face that his intentions were honourable." Waltorana answered finally. "I saw my nephew making a fool out of himself by dancing with someone far below his standing in front of assembled guests who would have been thinking the same as I."
"That is not what I saw," Cecile said quietly. "I saw two young men dancing together as if they were the only two people in the room. I saw my son smiling so bright he lit up the room. Tell me, Waltorana, do you recall ever seeing Wolfram look so happy, confident and relaxed as he looked with Casper last night?" Cecile challenged, glaring at Waltorana and daring him to refute her statement.
"That's not the point –"
"That is the only point that matters to me." Cecile interrupted. "I know you think of me as a romantic fool, and maybe I am, but last night my son was happy. Despite everything he's lost, the pain he's suffered, my son, my child, was able to dance and smile as if he had not a care in the world. Casper is the one who made that possible for Wolfram. I don't know if their love will last the test of time but if we don't allow them to even try then they'll never succeed."
"You cannot seriously be giving this relationship your blessing?" Waltorana looked stunned. "Wolfram was to marry the Maoh. Now you'd see him married off to the son of a horse breeder?"
"I would see my son happy." Cecile said firmly. "Yuri never made Wolfram happy. Yuri may have treated Wolfram gently and shown him kindness but he didn't love him. Everything that has happened is awful and heart breaking, but if the end result is that my son can find love then maybe the ends justify the means?"
"I will never forgive His Majesty for what he did to Wolfram," Waltorana said darkly.
"I have," Cecile answered taking Waltorana by surprise. "Yuri didn't plan any of this. You can't force someone to love someone else. In fact, trying to do so only pushes that person further away." Cecile thought of Abby and a sharp pain of regret made her sigh. Abby would learn, likely sooner rather than later, that love could not be forced. "I would rather see both Yuri and Wolfram happy with other people than miserable together. This was just the worst possible way for us to have reached this outcome."
"Hmm," Waltorana grunted.
"Waltorana, what does Casper have to do to prove himself to you? What task would you see him complete to convince you of his good character and moral standing?" Cecile inquired curiously.
"There's too high a risk he's faking it in order to boost his social standing." Waltorana shook his head. "He's using the fact that he saved Wolfram's life to his advantage."
"That did not answer my question." Cecile pointed out, not unkindly. "If you don't believe that Casper can ever earn your trust then the task is impossible."
"Why do you trust him?" Waltorana countered. "We don't even know if his story about rescuing Wolfram is true. We have no way of independently verifying anything he's told us."
"His smile," Cecile stated.
"What?" Waltorana looked so baffled Cecile had to laugh.
"Casper's smile touches his eyes. People can lie with their words and fake their facial expressions but their eyes can't lie. When Casper looks at my son I can see the love and affection in his eyes."
"I can't say I share your faith." Waltorana muttered.
"No," Cecile agreed quietly. "But you could give Wolfram your faith and trust in his judgement." Waltorana sighed and Cecile suddenly felt old. "Waltorana, I know you want to protect Wolfram, and you fear that Casper is taking advantage of the situation, but I think you are underestimating your nephew." Cecile smiled gently. "Wolfram is a lot tougher than you give him credit for."
"That's what Wolfram said," Waltorana sighed and rubbed his forehead where a headache was starting to form.
"Then perhaps you should listen to him." Cecile stood up and walked over to Waltorana and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Casper is not a bad as you think. Get to know him a little better and see." Waltorana grunted but he didn't look convinced. Cecile knew when to leave well enough alone so she decided to withdraw and let Waltorana think over what she'd said. Cecile turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Waltorana wasn't a bad person but he was very protective of Wolfram and he placed a high value on social standing. To Waltorana, letting Wolfram marry someone like Casper was an insult to their family. He had made assumptions regarding Casper based on his social status and it would take some effort to prove him wrong.
As Cecile walked back down the corridor she smiled to herself. She'd done what she could to shield the blossoming love between Wolfram and Casper from Waltorana's anger, now it was up to the boys now to prove her right. Cecile had every faith in the two of them.
-:-
"So tell me everything, I want the whole story and don't leave out the good bits!" Flynn grinned as she rested her elbows on the table and propped her chin on her hands. Wolfram paused, his tea cup half way to his lips as he arched an eyebrow at the grinning woman before him.
"I have no idea what you could possibly be referring to." Wolfram said idly. He brought his cup to his lips and took a sip. The hot drink helped to wake him up after the late night he'd had followed by an earlier than he would have liked awakening by a very loud bird singing outside his window.
He was currently sitting in the dining room which was set with small private tables while maids rushed around giving those guests who were awake their lunch. Wolfram guessed less than half of the guests from the wedding were present now. It was about midday but Wolfram had been awake for hours. After the bird rudely woke him up, Wolfram had been filled with too much restless energy to go back to sleep. Yesterday his world changed but Wolfram didn't feel as upset as he thought he would. His restless energy was more from a need to be doing something rather from worry. In fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever felt so calm before.
"Don't be coy with me now," Flynn's grin grew even bigger if that was possible. "I saw you leave the hall looking miserable only to come back in looking happier than I've ever seen you, arm-in-arm with Casper. He confessed to you didn't he?" Flynn's excitement was almost palpable. Wolfram considered holding out in dignified silence but broke when he saw the glint in Flynn's eyes.
"We might have sorted out how we feel about each other last night in the gardens." Wolfram answered. Flynn wasn't the sort of woman who squealed, so she gasped in pure delight instead and grabbed his hand grinning madly.
"So are you courting now?" Flynn's excitement was contagious. Wolfram knew he had a loopy smile on this face but he couldn't bring himself to care. Flynn's obvious joy on his behalf was endearing.
"I believe we are," Wolfram nodded and Flynn sighed happily.
"Oh how romantic." Flynn picked up her cup of tea. "Was it romantic?"
"Yes," Wolfram admitted with no shame. Why couldn't he enjoy a little romantic atmosphere? He'd been starved of romantic attention for so long he deserved to enjoy all that Casper gave him. "We were in the rose garden so the air was thick with the perfume of mother's roses. The sun had gone down so the only light was from the lanterns. I could hear the music of a waltz coming from the hall, and the melody seemed to be dancing on the night air around us." Wolfram laughed a little self-consciously. "That sounded a bit sappy."
"I think it sounds wonderful." Flynn beamed at him over the rim of her tea cup. "Did he tell you he loves you?"
"Yes," Wolfram blushed at the memory.
"And did you tell him that you love him?" Flynn narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him.
"No but –"
"Wolfram," Flynn scolded looking cross. "Casper can't read minds you know, he won't know how you feel unless you tell him."
"I think love is too strong a word for what's going on between us." Wolfram said slowly as he sipped his tea. "I know I feel something very strong, stronger than what I felt for Yuri, but I'm not ready to label it just yet. Flynn, I messed up with Yuri. I thought because I felt something that Yuri must feel it too. I wasted four years chasing a love that didn't exist. I'm not making that same mistake again."
"Casper is nothing like Yuri," Flynn shook her head but her gaze was full of sympathy. "And Casper's love for you most certainly does exist. I saw it in the way he looked at you on the dancefloor." Flynn winked and Wolfram had to admit she had a point. Yuri never would have danced with him like that in front of other people. Yuri had never looked so happy just to be with him. Wolfram had to be careful he didn't let all this go to his head, having someone want him was intoxicating.
"I know," Wolfram smiled as he swirled his tea in his cup. "I was surprised at how good a dancer Casper was. He twirled me around the floor like he'd been doing it his whole life." Wolfram chuckled at the memory.
"He can certainly move," Flynn toasted Casper's dance moves with her cup.
"He can certainly kiss too." Wolfram said without thinking. Flynn almost spat out her mouthful of tea. She stared at Wolfram with huge green eyes while he turned bright red and wished he thought before he spoke.
"You kissed him? When, where, come on Wolfram give me the details!" Flynn pressed with an evil grin that made Wolfram wish he hadn't joined her for lunch when he saw her sitting on her own.
"He kissed me in the garden, just before we went back into the hall." Wolfram licked his lips at the memory. That kiss had been scorching and passionate and had told Wolfram in no uncertain terms that what Casper felt for him was real. In that moment, Wolfram forgot about Yuri, forgot about the stupid wedding and forgot to be sad or lonely. All he wanted in that perfect moment was Casper. The second kiss had been more gentle, a promise of love rather than a blazing wild fire. Both kisses had left him both weak and strong and wanting nothing more than for Casper to keep kissing him.
"No wonder you were grinning when you came back into the hall." Flynn chuckled. "How about last night after you left the hall? I saw you sneak off together."
"Hold it right there Flynn," Wolfram held up a hand, "Whatever you're thinking it's not true."
"I could be thinking that he walked you to your bedroom, kissed you goodnight and left you to sleep alone." Flynn winked at him. "So I guess I'm wrong, am I?"
"As a matter of fact that is exactly what happened." Wolfram replied with as much dignity as he could muster. He wasn't going to tell Flynn that Casper had pressed him against the wall while they kissed. He certainly wasn't telling her how Casper's tongue had slipped into his mouth kissing him so deep Wolfram felt it in his soul. He wasn't going to tell her about the way Casper's hand sneaked up his shirt either. Nor would he mention how the sight of Casper's flushed cheeks, swollen lips and loopy grin had made resisting the urge to pounce nearly impossible. It had taken all of Wolfram's self-control to extract himself from Casper's arms and send Casper off to his own bedroom for the night. If Casper kept kissing him like that then their relationship might have progressed a little faster than they'd initially agreed. Wolfram wasn't sure if the thought terrified him or delighted him.
"Relax Wolfram I am not accusing you of anything." Flynn sniggered. "You should enjoy being with Casper and not worry so much what others may think."
"It's not quite as simple as that," Wolfram paused. The maid arrived with his and Flynn's lunch so they waited until she left before continuing their conversation. "Not everyone will be as thrilled as you that Casper and I are courting." It felt a bit strange saying it out loud. Wolfram liked it though, he liked it a lot.
"Do you mean Yuri? I hardly think he can lecture anyone, let alone you, on their choice of partner." Flynn scoffed as she delicately cut up a slice of meat and chewed.
"Not Yuri," Wolfram shook his head, "although he has made his thoughts on Casper quite clear. I was actually referring to my Uncle, Waltorana." Flynn arched an eyebrow in silent question. Wolfram sighed and poked at his food. "Waltorana believes that Casper is using me to boost his social standing."
"What nonsense!" Flynn exclaimed.
"I know, but my Uncle thinks that I'm 'vulnerable' because of what happened with being captured, tortured, and then finding out about Yuri getting married. He thinks that I'm not thinking clearly, that my mind is muddled by everything. My Uncle wanted to have Casper thrown out of his house while we were staying with him in the Bielefeld lands before we came to the wedding."
"I hope you convinced him that he was wrong?" Flynn sounded worried.
"Casper overheard us arguing and stepped in. He calmed my Uncle down by promising that his intentions towards me were honourable so my Uncle relented. He was pretty angry when he saw Casper at the wedding though. He thought I'd brought him with me to snub Yuri and cause a fuss. I told him I brought Casper because turning up to Yuri's wedding with a handsome escort would look like I'd accepted and moved on from my relationship with Yuri." Wolfram frowned as he stabbed a piece of meat with his fork. "But if my Uncle finds out that Casper and I are courting I don't know what he'll do."
"He should be happy for you." Flynn muttered but Wolfram knew that she understood where he was coming from. Back when he and Yuri first met Flynn, she had been masquerading as her deceased husband as women weren't allowed to rule Caloria at the time. Now the land was different and Flynn was adored by her people. But she knew how hard it was to live under the expectations of others. "What does he have against Casper, other than his social standing?"
"I think his social standing is pretty much the crux of the issue. To my Uncle, I'm with someone 'beneath' me and that's an insult to the family. Casper does have connections to the Ten Nobles through marriage, a great Aunt and a cousin or something, but nothing that would appease a man like my Uncle." Wolfram answered slowly. Thinking it over, there was no way his Uncle couldn't have noticed them dancing together last night. In fact Wolfram was amazed he hadn't said anything at the time. Maybe he hadn't wanted to cause a fuss in front of their guests?
"I see," Flynn looked at Wolfram in silence for a moment as she chewed. "What are you going to do when he finds out about you two?" Wolfram swallowed hard and took a drink of tea to steady his nerves.
"I don't know yet. I'll have to think of a way to convince him not to chop Casper's head off." Wolfram tried to joke but it fell flat. He looked up and noticed that Flynn was looking over his shoulder, her lips pressed together and her gaze worried.
"You might have to think fast, Wolfram. Your Uncle is talking to Casper right now." Wolfram turned so fast he almost gave himself whiplash as he followed Flynn's gaze. His heart skipped when he saw Casper standing in the entrance way and his Uncle Waltorana standing in front of him. Casper looked cautious but unafraid as he nodded at something Waltorana was saying. Wolfram rose out of his seat only for a hand to clamp on his arm and the scent of perfume tickled his nose.
"Let them talk, Wolfram." Cecile smiled brightly at her youngest child. Wolfram blinked, momentarily thrown by his mother's sudden appearance. "I know Waltorana can be a bit of a stubborn bore but he's only worried about you."
"Mother," Wolfram found his voice, "I can't leave Casper alone with Uncle. I need to explain –"
"If Waltorana is ever to trust Casper then Casper has to explain this himself to gain Waltorana's approval. Trust me when I say that Casper facing Waltorana alone will carry more weight than if you rush in there to protect him." Cecile kissed her youngest on the forehead before guiding him to sit. "Casper is a fine young man, he can handle himself. Or at least he has to learn if he intends to be a part of this family." Cecile winked but Wolfram wasn't so sure.
"I take it then that Casper does not need to win your approval?" Wolfram asked hesitantly as his mother sat beside him, giving Flynn a warm smile in welcome.
"Casper has already proved himself to me." Cecile answered, helping herself to some bread from the basket on the table. "I thought the two of you looked very handsome together last night." Cecile winked and Wolfram felt his cheeks grow warm. He snuck a glance at the doorway only to see that his Uncle and Casper had vanished. Squashing an irrational fear that Waltorana had taken Casper somewhere quiet to dispatch him from this mortal coil, Wolfram turned his attention to his mother.
"Thank you, Casper was a perfect gentleman the whole evening."
"So tell me, is there romance blossoming between you two?" Cecile teased as she winked outrageously.
"Casper and Wolfram are courting." Flynn supplied with a grin before Wolfram could answer. Cecile squealed loud enough for half the room to glance their way. Wolfram grimaced as his mother gave him one of her huge bear hugs that squashed his face against her bosom.
"Mother, please try to contain yourself." Wolfram sighed. He liked to pretend that his mother was horrifyingly embarrassing but her obvious joy made him feel warm inside.
"Oh, my little boy is finally courting," Cecile pulled away and framed Wolfram's face in her hands. "I always knew you'd find love. No one deserves happiness now more than you, my son."
"I don't think it's a matter of 'deserving' love or not." Wolfram answered as he pulled away from his mother's grip. "But," Wolfram smiled a little bashfully, "Casper does indeed make me happy."
"Good," Cecile nodded firmly. "And long may you two continue to make each other happy."
"I might drive him crazy first," Wolfram pointed out. "I don't really know how to love someone."
"You'll learn," Cecile said confidently. "You'll both learn what it means to love, together. That is exactly how it should be. And I know Conrad and Gwendal will be delighted to learn that you're courting."
"Mother, please don't go round telling everyone." Wolfram begged. "I don't want to make a fuss."
"Very well but you must tell your brothers," Cecile said firmly. "No more secrets in this family. There are enough to go around as it is without adding more."
"Deal," Wolfram nodded but he dreaded telling Gwendal. Conrad would be alright, Wolfram already knew that Conrad liked Casper but what did Gwendal think? His oldest brother was so hard to read at times.
"So, did you enjoy the wedding Lady Flynn?" Cecile changed the topic and turned to Flynn with a smile.
"Yes, thank you Lady Cecile," Flynn nodded. "It's wonderful to be back here again and see everyone."
"And it's wonderful to see you again my dear, and looking so radiant. How are you and Elisabeth getting along?" Cecile winked and Flynn blushed delicately. "Ah to be young and in love, I remember what that felt like!"
"Elisabeth is coming to Caloria with me when we leave the day after tomorrow." Flynn admitted looking shy. "We're going to be spending a few weeks together."
"That sounds wonderful!" Cecile exclaimed. "I hope you have a wonderful time. And please make sure to invite me to the wedding." Cecile winked making Flynn laugh. Wolfram rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the smile. His mother was a hopeless romantic at times. Wolfram glanced at Flynn as she told his mother about her and Elisabeth's plans for their romantic getaway. Travelling away from it all sounded quite nice, he'd have to have a talk with Casper first though. He might want to go home after such a long period of absence.
As his mother and Flynn talked Wolfram let his mind drift as he ate his lunch without really tasting anything. No one had told him he was no longer welcome at the Castle, apart from Abby, but Wolfram wasn't sure if he could call this place his home anymore. He felt awkward here, out of place. Everything reminded him of the life he'd never had and would never have. It felt disjointed somehow, as if the Castle was trying to drag him back to that place filled with loneliness and pain. But he did have responsibilities here, men to train and command, and duties to see to. Could he throw it all away because he was no longer the Maoh's fiancé?
Abby had made it clear to him that she didn't want him or Casper around, and while Wolfram didn't care for what she thought he didn't want to be somewhere he was hated. As he thought about Abby her threat from the day before the wedding came back to him: 'If you do anything, anything, to try and take Yuri away from me and our child, I will make you regret it for the rest of your days'. Abby had meant every word. Even now the venom in those words gave Wolfram pause. Had he been like that back when he thought he loved Yuri? Had he looked at people he perceived as a threat to his life with Yuri with such a fierce possessiveness?
Even if he stayed here, he'd never be relaxed and at ease. Not with Abby glowering at him all the time and Yuri's odd behaviour. Not to mention that Yuri appeared to hate Casper as much as Waltorana did. And then there was the baby to think about. Did he want to watch Abby getting bigger and rounder with Yuri's baby? Did he want to be here when he or she made their entrance to the world? The answer was simple: no. He didn't want to be here because it would be wrong, as if he were intruding on another couple's privacy. The Castle was large but not so expansive that they'd never run into each other. Maybe one day, after the baby was born, he'd be able to return here and live peacefully but that day was far off.
He wondered if he should go back to his Uncle's castle, it would one day be his after all, but that wasn't 'home' either. His Uncle would welcome him but he might not welcome Casper. What Wolfram was sure of was that he wanted to be with Casper. Even if he had to live in a barn eating bread and water, if he was with Casper it would be ok.
"Good morning," A voice interrupted Wolfram's daydreaming. "Or should I say good afternoon since its lunchtime?" He looked up to see Casper smiling at him.
"Hello Casper," Cecile beamed.
"Afternoon," Flynn smiled.
"You're still alive then," Wolfram blurted. Casper grinned and Wolfram felt his face flush at the daft comment.
"Believe me when I say I'm just as surprised as you." Casper sat down and took Wolfram's hand in his, pressing a swift kiss to his knuckles. Wolfram blushed at the tender display of affection unsure how to respond. "But my chat with your Uncle went surprisingly well. He even, believe it or not, gave his approval for me to court you."
"He said what?" Wolfram squeaked. What had changed overnight for his Uncle to go from furious at the mere thought to formally giving his approval?
"He was a bit reluctant but I think he wants to give me a chance to prove myself. But I got the impression that if I messed up, or took advantage of you, he'd make me suffer in all manner of unpleasant ways." Casper shuddered.
"That sounds more like my Uncle." Wolfram admitted.
"I'm very glad to hear he's giving you a chance." Cecile said warmly as she smiled at Casper. "And just so you know, I also give you and my son my blessings to continue your courtship. But if you hurt my son you won't have to worry about Waltorana because I'll deal with you first." Cecile winked.
"Yes My Lady," Casper bowed his head but couldn't quite keep the smile off his face.
"So, what did happen with Waltorana?" Flynn pressed, leaning forward and looking eager. Casper smiled as he recounted the events of the past few minutes. Wolfram stared at him wide eyed in amazement but he noticed that his mother was smiling secretively as she sipped her tea delicately. A maid appeared and placed a plate of food in front of Casper and he thanked her with a smile, making her blush.
"But what made my Uncle change his mind?" Wolfram asked confused. "Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted he's giving us his blessings but he'd been dead set against it before today." Wolfram gave his mother a suspicious glance. "Mother, did you say something to Uncle Waltorana?"
"I didn't say anything to him that he didn't already know." Cecile answered.
"I find that hard to believe. You seem to be the only one who isn't surprised by my Uncle's sudden change of heart." Wolfram pressed.
"Waltorana came to this conclusion by himself," Cecile answered simply.
"Hmm," Wolfram didn't feel convinced.
"Are you not happy with the outcome?" Cecile arched an eyebrow and Wolfram felt his cheeks turn pink.
"I am relieved that Uncle had finally seen sense and stopped fussing over me as if I'm incapable of making my own decisions." Wolfram answered with as much dignity as he could muster. "But I know you had a hand in changing his mind. Waltorana is not a man who easily changes his opinions." Wolfram suddenly smiled and his green eyes sparkled. "I am therefore very grateful for your intervention. The last thing I wanted was to cause a rift between us by courting Casper. But, mother, don't think that you can get away with interfering in my love life all the time." Wolfram warned but his smile belied his words. Wolfram jumped slightly as Casper reached across the table to take his hand in his once more and press a gentle kiss to the back of his hand.
"Of course not dear," Cecile winked. Wolfram chuckled. He hadn't realised just how important his family's approval was to him at that moment. He wanted his family to like Casper and be happy for them both. The fact that his Uncle was willing to give Casper a chance meant everything to him. He'd have to find his Uncle later and thank him.
"Thank you My Lady." Casper said suddenly. Wolfram glanced at the other boy in surprise. There were hidden depths to those words. It hadn't occurred to him that Casper may have wanted his family's approval too. Nothing was worse than a love that tore families apart or forced them to choose sides. Cecile looked surprised before her face softened into a smile of motherly warmth and kindness.
"There is no need to thank me, Casper." Cecile winked making Casper grin. "So, Lady Flynn, tell me about the new season's styles hitting Caloria. Lace is all the rage apparently but I've always found it quite difficult to tame." As the conversation turned to dress styles and colours Wolfram met Casper gaze. They shared a secret smile and at that moment Wolfram knew everything was going to be ok.
-:-
(Moments before)
Casper hid a yawn as he wandered at a leisurely pace towards the dining room. He was back in his smart brown jacket and black trousers which were far more comfortable than his stiff formal grey suit. He'd gone to Wolfram's bedroom but he hadn't been there so he assumed that Wolfram was already up and about. Deciding that the dining room would be a good place to start looking, Casper headed that way wondering what they'd be serving for lunch.
Casper nodded and smiled and exchanged greetings with a couple of guests he recognised from the wedding. Everyone seemed to be in high spirits although most of the guests would appear to still be in bed nursing hangovers. The party had long continued after he and Wolfram had left. Casper knew he was wearing a sappy grin but he couldn't help himself. Wolfram returned his feelings and they had taken their relationship forward. Last night was easily the best night of Casper's life. Kissing Wolfram was like kissing life itself: it was electric, warm and all-consuming in its intensity. Kissing Errol hadn't felt even remotely like that.
Casper wanted nothing more than to kiss and hold Wolfram in his arms for the rest of his life. He knew Wolfram was stronger than him and didn't need his protection, but he wanted to protect Wolfram's heart. He wanted to shelter him, prove to him that love was real and strong and that love could be all they'd ever need. The way Wolfram had kissed him back would suggest he felt the same. He wanted this relationship to work and he believed that Wolfram did too. The way Wolfram had looked at him last night, those beautiful green eyes so open and trusting, had made Casper's heart throb.
Casper was painfully aware of the social gap between them and he knew it wouldn't be easy courting someone like Wolfram. And there was Wolfram's Uncle to contend with. Casper still wasn't sure if the Mazoku would kill him or not when he found out. At least Wolfram's mother liked him and he thought that maybe Conrad liked him too. That left the eldest brother Gwendal. Casper had barely spoken to him. In fact he was pretty sure the only conversation they'd had was way back when Wolfram returned to the Castle after getting his memories back, when he recounted his tale of finding Wolfram in Big Shimeron and escaping from the bandits' hideout.
Casper glanced into the dining room and spotted Wolfram straight away. The sight of him laughing and talking with Lady Flynn stole Casper's breath. Would he one day wake up and wonder what such a beautiful young noble like Wolfram could want with him? Casper smiled and made to step forward into the room when a voice he really didn't want to hear stopped him cold.
"Casper Falken," Waltorana walked up to him his green eyes narrowed in distrust.
"Lord Bielefeld," Casper stood up straight and smiled politely.
"I believe we need to have a talk." Waltorana stated in a no nonsense tone. Casper took a deep breath and steeled himself for what could be an ugly encounter. He didn't want to drive a wedge between Wolfram and his Uncle but he also refused to be driven away.
"I don't want to fight with you, Lord Bielefeld." Casper said warily. "Fighting with you would only hurt Wolfram."
"You think I don't know that?" Waltorana said coolly. "Do not presume that you are the only one who cares for Wolfram's wellbeing."
"My apologies," Casper inclined his head respectfully. "I did not intend to suggest otherwise."
"Let's not talk here, I don't want people listening in and gossiping." Waltorana shot a glance around the dining room. Casper nodded, mentally bracing himself. He followed Waltorana down the corridor until they came to a small study. Waltorana stood aside and Casper walked in while Waltorana shut the door firmly behind them. Casper swallowed and hoped he didn't look as nervous as he felt. Waltorana wasn't a big man but he was very imposing. Not to mention as Wolfram's Uncle and one of the Ten Nobles he could make his life very uncomfortable indeed.
The study was small with a dark wooden table and matching chair facing the door with a large bay window opening out to views over the garden. Casper could see dust motes dancing in the sunbeams pouring into the room. A small bookcase lined the left hand wall but was empty of books. Casper figured this study wasn't used very often but the lack of dust would suggest it was still cleaned regularly. Casper turned to face Waltorana who was leaning against the shut door with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes shut and a frown on his face. Casper licked his lips and fidgeted in place wondering if he should say something and break the heavy awkward silence.
"I saw you dancing with my nephew in the hall last night." Waltorana rumbled, breaking the silence. Casper nodded even though Waltorana still had his eyes shut so wouldn't be able to see him. Waltorana took a deep breath and opened his eyes to pin Casper in place with a glare. "The last time we spoke about your intentions towards my nephew, you told me your intentions were honourable." There was an accusing tone to Waltorana's voice that made Casper frown despite everything.
"My intentions are honourable, My Lord." Casper answered the unspoken question. "I know that you dislike me, My Lord, but please believe me when I say that I would never do anything to embarrass or hurt Wolfram. I know that you harbour doubts towards me regarding my relationship with Wolfram but I only want to make him happy."
"My problem with you Casper is that I have no way of knowing if anything you say to me is true." Waltorana scowled as if Casper had dealt him some personal slight. "You are the only one who knows what happened in Big Shimeron from the time you met Wolfram to his arrival here some ten weeks after his capture. I want to believe everything you have told me, and some may say I have no reason to doubt your word, but you are now pursuing a romantic involvement with my nephew which makes me suspicious."
"My Lord –" Casper began indignantly but stopped when Waltorana held up a hand.
"Try and see this from my perspective, boy. My nephew goes missing and is presumed dead. Then he suddenly returns home with no warning with a strange boy no one has ever met the day after the Maoh is formally engaged to someone else. Now not only am I told that Wolfram lost his memories due to him being tortured, but that hearing his name spoken was the trigger to his remembering." Waltorana paused but Casper waited knowing there was more for the other man to say. "And the farm boy who supposedly saved his life is now my nephew's personal shadow and presumes to court him?"
"I have never lied about my actions in Big Shimeron." Casper spoke slowly, forcing himself to calm down. If anybody else had called him a 'farm boy' to his face he would have punched them. But punching Waltorana would not aid his cause, no matter the satisfaction such an action would give him. He needed Waltorana to at least accept him even if he never liked him. "I don't know how to prove to you that I'm being truthful. I had no idea Wolfram was a noble when we met but that knowledge would not have stopped me from trying to save him. I had no other option but to take him to my father's stud. I thought there he would be safe and looked after until he was well enough to travel.
"During his time with me on my father's stud, as I watched him struggle every day with his injuries but always refuse to give up, I fell in love with him. I fell in love with that strength and that determination to stand and not let this beat him. When I found out who he was, I despaired." Casper paused, remembering that feeling of crushing defeat when he believed that Wolfram was forever out of his reach. "I knew of Wolfram's name even though I'd never met him, and I knew he was engaged to the Maoh. In that moment I resigned myself to the fact that I could never have the kind of relationship with Wolfram that I wanted.
"When we arrived at the Castle and discovered that his engagement had been annulled and that the Maoh was to marry another, I did not feel victorious. Not that long ago my ex-lover left me for another and at the time the pain had been unbearable. I knew what it felt like to be discarded as if you never meant anything and I sort to do whatever I could to help Wolfram. I would never have gotten over losing my first love if not for my family. In truth, the fact that Wolfram had lost His Majesty pushed us further apart."
"What do you mean?" Waltorana frowned, watching him closely. Casper paused to gather his thoughts before he answered.
"I knew what it felt like to be a replacement and I had no intention of ever going back to that. As long as Wolfram was in love with His Majesty he was as much out of my reach as if he'd still been engaged to him." Casper said honestly.
"You thought that Wolfram would use you as a replacement?" Waltorana turned pink with anger at the implied insult to his nephew's integrity.
"At first I was a replacement, in a sense." Casper said gently. "Wolfram couldn't let His Majesty go and I was too jealous to share his heart with another. But something changed. I don't really know how to describe it. I think Wolfram accepted the truth that His Majesty wouldn't be his, and I accepted that Wolfram may always love His Majesty and that was ok because it didn't mean he couldn't love me too." Casper made a frustrated noise and ran his fingers through his thick brown hair. "I'm not making sense. But last night I had never felt closer to Wolfram than I did when I danced with him." There was no way Casper was going to mention the kissing.
"And what exactly do you intend to do about the fact that you are the son of a horse breeder and my nephew is the heir of the Bielefeld lands? This is hardly an appropriate pairing," Waltorana pointed out.
"I am well aware of the social gap, My Lord. And I know some will believe that I'm after Wolfram's wealth, power, titles or any other reason they could dream up. I don't know how to convince you that I am in love with Wolfram for who is he, not for what he has." Casper didn't know how to convince Waltorana of his feelings. How did you explain something that only you could feel?
"If I told you to never go near my nephew again, what would you do?" Waltorana demanded with a suddenness that took Casper by surprise.
"I don't know," Casper answered honestly. The thought of never seeing Wolfram again crushed his heart and made it hard to breathe. Was their love going to end before it had a chance to even begin? "I can't ask Wolfram to choose between me and his family, and I don't want him to have to choose, so I guess I would have to beg you to change your mind." Casper looked Waltorana in the eye. "But I would hope that seeing how miserable both Wolfram and I would be if forcibly separated, it would lay such a heavy weight of guilt upon your heart that your conscience would drive you to change your mind."
"You think that Wolfram would be miserable without you?" Waltorana arched an eyebrow as if Casper was being arrogant in his assumptions.
"I can make Wolfram happy so it is only logical that taking away that happiness will make him miserable." Casper answered matter-of-factly. "My Lord, I love your nephew. I cherish every moment I am with him. I respect him and I understand him. What more could you ask of the man who wishes to court your nephew? I know I am not a Lord or noble born but love will never be a question, and I believe that is more important."
"Wolfram is like a son to me." Waltorana said quietly, his gaze going to the middle distance. "I don't have any children of my own and my brother was very dear to me. Protecting Wolfram is my highest priority. I will not give my blessing to a union where my nephew is being used as a pawn to further someone's lofty ambitions." Casper's heart sank. He clenched his jaw and looked down at the floor. He would beg if he had to, his pride be damned. "But," Waltorana continued and Casper's head shot up, "I also trust my nephew. And I admit that when Wolfram danced with you last night he appeared to have given his consent to this relationship. So I am going to allow this relationship to continue."
"Really…?" Casper breathed, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing. Hope bloomed in his heart like a rare flower, sending warmth rushing through his body and to his cheeks. He knew he was staring at Waltorana with that hope written all over his face, his heart laid bare and so very fragile.
"Let me make something absolutely crystal clear," Waltorana strode forward, looming over Casper with an icy look that could solidify molten lava. "If you hurt Wolfram, if you use him in any indecent manner or for any immoral purpose, or if you become bored of him and toss him aside, I will rain such hell upon you like you've never experienced before. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Sir," Casper nodded seriously. He got the distinct impression that Waltorana was not making his threats lightly.
"Good," Waltorana straightened up. "Do try and prove me right, Casper Falken. I do so detest being wrong."
"I will My Lord. I will prove to you that your faith in me is well placed." Casper promised and Waltorana grunted. Casper could hardly believe the turn this conversation had taken. Had Waltorana really given him his blessing to continue courting Wolfram? He hadn't exactly thrown his arms open in welcome or promised his undying affection, but it was a start. Waltorana stepped to one side and Casper realised he was being dismissed. With a nod, Casper slipped past Waltorana and out the door before the Lord could change his mind.
-:-
Murata stood in the shadows watching Yuri who had managed to find himself a quiet part of the garden to lurk in. Clearly the Maoh was trying his best to avoid everyone. Murata sighed as he watched Yuri sit down with his back against a low stone wall. Yuri looked tired and Murata knew it wasn't just from the late night. His friend looked a lot older than his nearly eighteen years and Murata wondered if Yuri's parents would even recognise him. It had been too long since Yuri went home and Murata didn't like that Yuri hadn't invited them to the wedding.
When Murata had asked if Yuri's parents would be coming to the wedding, Yuri had told him that he couldn't risk going back to Earth as time moved differently between the worlds. He could have ended up being gone for weeks even if it was just for a few days on Earth. He could miss the wedding altogether. The excuse was pretty flimsy and Murata knew the real reason for Yuri's reluctance to inform his parents stemmed from something else. Murata was excellent at reading people and figuring out what they were thinking. He prided himself on always being two steps ahead of the game but even he'd been taken by surprise when Abby returned to the castle four weeks pregnant. Murata had known it would all end badly and he'd been right. Now, Murata thought that Yuri's refusal to even write to his parents with news of his marriage was due to his guilt over the incident.
Yuri had been raised to put others before himself. He'd been raised to be a good man and to treat others with respect. While getting a girl pregnant at seventeen was hardly unusual back on Earth, Yuri would believe that he'd been raised better than that. He most likely assumed his parents would be disappointed in him. Murata knew how much Yuri had been hurt by Conrad's disappointment when he found out that Abby was pregnant. Conrad had been distinctly cool towards Yuri since and the lack of his presence was having a notable effect on Yuri. Murata reflected that perhaps they'd all been a little too hard on Yuri back then. They'd been taken by surprise. Yuri had never seemed like the sort of boy who'd sleep with someone he did not love. Or perhaps they'd simply underestimated how much pain and guilt Yuri was struggling to deal with.
Murata didn't know if Yuri and Wolfram would have ever gotten together had the events in Big Shimeron not occurred. Not knowing something was a strange feeling for Murata and not one he enjoyed. But he did know that, for all his complaining and grumbling, Yuri had cared deeply for Wolfram. Was it a romantic investment or just the love of a friend? Murata wasn't sure, and he doubted anyone, even Yuri himself, would know the answer to that question. But the fact was that Yuri had cared for Wolfram and he'd blamed himself for Wolfram's kidnapping and subsequent torture. When Yuri cared about someone he threw his whole being into caring. The knowledge that he'd caused someone he cared about pain and suffering must have torn at his heart.
Murata ruffled his black hair, feeling slightly guilty for giving Yuri such a hard time three months ago when Abby returned to the castle pregnant. But everything he'd said had been true. Marrying Abby had been the only option available if Yuri ever wanted to have anything to do with his child. But Murata reasoned that he could have been kinder, more understanding about the whole situation.
Murata had a feeling that the disappointment visited upon Yuri by his advisors was the most likely reason for his reluctance to involve his parents. Murata didn't blame him really. Yuri hated letting people down and he'd managed to upset pretty much everyone he cared about during the debacle with Abby. It wasn't a surprise that Yuri wanted to spare himself the pain of having his parents' disappointment laid on him. Murata knew that Miko and Shouma would forgive Yuri. He doubted they would even be upset for long. Yuri's older brother Shouri was another story. Murata's eye twitched just thinking about his reaction.
Squaring his shoulders, Murata stepped into the early afternoon sun and walked over to Yuri. The Maoh had his eyes shut as he leaned his head back against the wall, looking for all the world like a cat sunning himself. The thought made Murata smile. "Is this spot taken?" Murata asked making Yuri start in surprise. Clearly he hadn't heard or noticed Murata's approach. Murata sat on his friend's left without waiting for a response. At least the grass was dry. There were few things Murata hated more than sitting in wet grass. "So, you're a husband now."
"Yeah," Yuri looked uncomfortable which made Murata feel a little guilty. Yuri used to confide in him and he felt saddened that they'd lost that closeness.
"How do you feel about that?" Murata pressed. Yuri was quiet for so long Murata thought he wasn't going to answer him.
"Why did you say all that stuff at the wedding?" Yuri said finally, "About my engagement to Wolfram being annulled when he went missing. And you wrote that speech for Ulrike didn't you? The one about how special and rare true love was and that marriage gave us 'meaning' in life? Was all that supposed to make me feel bad or something?" The hurt and anger in Yuri's voice came through clearly.
"I made sure to mention your engagement to Lord Bielefeld being annulled because I knew there were some vicious rumours circulating." Murata explained gently. He knew he'd been taking a bit of a risk, particularly considering Abby's less than warm feelings towards Wolfram, but the rumours had to be put to rest. "Not everyone knew that Lord Bielefeld went missing or that the Ten Nobles were the ones who forced your hand and annulled the engagement. I heard a few people even suggesting that you dumped Lord Bielefeld on purpose in order to annul the engagement."
"That's total bullshit!" Yuri exclaimed taking Murata by surprise. Yuri hardly ever swore.
"I know that, you know that, even Lord Bielefeld knows that, but those idiots blurting out that rubbish didn't know that. And those who didn't know better where in danger of believing it. We had to make sure the truth was presented to as many people as possible to dispel the lies. It was never my intention to hurt you, or Lord Bielefeld, but I knew it would poke at old wounds regardless."
"And did you write that speech? And all that stuff about the purity of love?" Yuri looked angry and bitter. Murata sighed and shifted into a more comfortable position.
"That is what people say at weddings," Murata answered. "It's important that people believe this wedding is happy and that you and Lady Abby are in love."
"I thought you just said we needed to dispel the lies." Yuri snapped out. Murata studied his friend for a minute. Clearly Yuri was upset and was taking it out on him because he was an easy target for his pain. Murata could have gotten angry about it but instead he decided to show a little sympathy.
"I know this union is less than happy," Murata said gently. "I know you were forced into this which is hardly the recipe for a happily-ever-after. And I know that Lady Abby is madly in love with you, which I would assume, doesn't make you feel any better." Yuri grunted and Murata took that as confirmation. "This whole chapter of your life is messed up and complicated and full of pain and regret. I wish I could have protected you from all this but this is where we are now and we need to deal with it. Even if it means putting on a smile and pretending that everything is fine when the reality is that it's all gone to hell."
"The hardest part is pretending to Abby." Yuri said abruptly. He wrapped his arms loosely around his legs and stared into the middle distance. "How long can I pretend to her that I love her? How can I pretend to love the baby? If she found out that I never loved her, never wanted to marry her, Murata it would kill her." Yuri sounded desperate and fearful. It was in that moment that Murata was reminded how young Yuri was. He could remember his past lives which gave him some measure of maturity, but Yuri didn't have that. He was a seventeen year old who had just gotten married, was about to be a father and absolutely terrified by the whole thing.
"You need to forgive yourself." Murata said simply. Yuri stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Yes everything that happened is painful but it's hardly all your fault. No one, not even I, could have predicted that some former guards turned bandits were lurking in the woods of Big Shimeron who could recognise your face. It wasn't your fault that Lord Bielefeld made the decision to stay behind to protect you. That was his decision. Maybe his actions were prompted by love but maybe it was just out of a sense of duty to his King, I don't know, but it was his decision."
"But he only went to Big Shimeron because I went!" Yuri shook his head, his dark eyes full of guilt and remorse. "If I had just stayed here like everyone wanted me to then Wolfram never would have been hurt!"
"And everything would have continued on with you ignoring Lord Bielefeld and him pining after you." Murata pointed out, not unkindly. Yuri flinched as if Murata had struck him. "Shibuya, we could sit here debating 'what if's' and 'maybes' until the sun dies and the world crumbles to dust. But in the end it would do us no good because this, right here and now, is the reality and nothing short of a time machine can change that."
"Where would we even get a time machine?" Yuri grumbled. Murata blinked in shock before he realised Yuri was trying to make a joke.
"Funny," Murata smiled and Yuri gave him a faint smile. "From what Conrad told me you didn't exactly go quietly when you realised that Wolfram had stayed behind." Murata continued gently. "Conrad said you were beside yourself with worry. You didn't abandon him. If you'd stayed, you would have been captured too and you wouldn't have been able to help anyone. You couldn't have known that Wolfram was still alive or that the bandits were hurting him. You requested help from your allies to search for him. You didn't just shrug and give up on him."
"I could have tried harder." Yuri yanked a few blades of grass out of the ground and crushed them in his fingers. "I could have sent Josak to search for him. I know he wanted to go back."
"And maybe he would have succeeded, or he could have failed, or he could have been kidnapped too. We don't know and will never know what could have happened." Murata shrugged. "In the end you didn't need to send anyone since fate sent Falken to Lord Bielefeld and he saw to his rescue."
"So he claims," Yuri muttered. Murata decided to let that comment slide.
"You should also bear in mind that it was the Ten Nobles who annulled your engagement to Lord Bielefeld, not you. You had no say in the matter. None of us liked it but it made sense at the time given that Lord Bielefeld had been missing for twenty four days. We all gave up on Lord Bielefeld but you didn't. You held onto hope but as more bad news came back I saw how much that hurt you. Then Stoffel uses not only your pain, but Lady Abby's pain as well, to his advantage to try and get close to the throne. He puts Lady Abby in your sights, pushes her to get close to you, and one thing led to another.
"Ok, maybe you shouldn't have slept with her but you're only human, mostly. We all make mistakes. You were hurting and she was offering comfort. That she fell pregnant by you during one night together is simple bad luck or a cruel twist of fate. But it happened and you dealt with it. You married her to provide for her and your baby and that is admirable. You could have tossed her aside but you didn't. You tried to do the right thing and that speaks volumes about your character. None of us could have expected Lord Bielefeld to turn up the very next day, very much alive. Sometimes I wonder if fate was having a laugh at our expense by dropping one bombshell on us after the other."
"But how can I forgive myself for all of this when no one else does?" Yuri pleaded. "Everyone, Conrad, Wolfram, they all blame me for what happened and they're right."
"Lord Weller was hurting," Murata said gently. "His pain at losing his brother coupled with his guilt for failing to protect him made Lady Abby's pregnancy comes across as a betrayal. But I think it's time he forgave you. Maybe you need to talk to him?"
"I doubt he'll talk to me." Yuri said sadly.
"You might be surprised, considering that Lord Bielefeld is clearly recovering and moving on with his life." Murata noted with interest the way Yuri's lips thinned in displeasure.
"I guess you are referring to his relationship with that Caper Falken?" Yuri muttered.
"You sound like a grumpy old man whose favourite daughter is courting her first boyfriend." Murata joked and Yuri had the grace to blush. "He and Lord Bielefeld would appear to be growing very close. And I'm pretty sure that their new relationship is the reason for Lord Bielefeld accepting your marriage with such grace." Yuri grunted. "Do you not approve of their relationship?"
"I have nothing against Wolfram moving on with his life. In fact there's nothing I want more than to see him happy. But I can't help but be suspicious of Casper's motives." Yuri muttered rebelliously. "I don't know what it is about him but he puts my teeth on edge." Murata arched an eyebrow but decided against telling Yuri that he sounded like a jealous ex. Yuri didn't need that drama added to everything else he was going through.
"I see," Murata said vaguely. "But you might have to get used to the idea of Falken sticking around for the foreseeable future. Lady Cecile is very fond of him and so is Lord Weller. I'm pretty sure the only one who doesn't like him is Lord Waltorana." Yuri scowled and Murata wondered if that was the root of Yuri's dislike of Casper. Everyone loved Casper (except Waltorana and apparently Yuri) and everyone used to love Yuri. In fact, those people who used to close to Yuri were now estranged from him and close to Casper. Yuri's jealously was adorable even if it was misplaced.
"I just don't trust him." Yuri mumbled and Murata decided to leave it at that. Yuri had said something earlier which had caught Murata's attention which he felt was more important to follow up than Yuri's apparent jealously of Casper Falken.
"Earlier you said that you didn't know how to fake loving the baby. What did you mean by that?" Murata asked gently and Yuri froze. Clearly he hadn't meant to say that out loud. He sighed heavily and drew his knees up to his chest to drop his chin on his knees.
"I'm scared Murata," Yuri said softly. "I'm scared that when Abby's baby is born I'll feel nothing." Murata frowned, that didn't sound like Yuri at all. Yuri was the most open and caring person Murata had ever met. Murata couldn't imagine Yuri holding his own baby and feeling nothing.
"You won't feel nothing," Murata assured him. "I can assure you that you'll feel something when your baby makes his or her entrance into the world. What you'll feel, well only you can answer that and you'll only know for certain when they're born."
"But, what if I hold her child and I can't love them?" Yuri looked up at Murata and Murata was taken aback by the desperation in his eyes. Clearly this was something that had been worrying Yuri for a long time. "I've been trying so hard to love Abby but I can't, and I hate myself for it. God, what kind of person would it make me if I couldn't find it in my heart to love a tiny baby?" Yuri fisted his hands in his hair, his face twisting into a pained grimace.
"You can't force yourself to love someone." Murata gently laid a hand on Yuri's shoulder. "The harder you try to force yourself the less likely it will be. You just need to relax, let go of all that anger and guilt, and let love happen of its own accord."
"But what if it doesn't happen?"
"You love Greta, don't you?" Murata pushed and Yuri nodded.
"She's my whole world. I'd do anything for her." Yuri replied his voice thick with emotion.
"That proves you're not some heartless monster," Murata smiled. "And the feelings you have when the baby is born could be very different to any feelings you have for Lady Abby. There are plenty of parents who love their children even when they don't love the other parent." Some of the tension left Yuri's shoulders and he stopped fisting his hair. But he still didn't look convinced. "Is that why you haven't told your parents about the marriage or the pregnancy?" Murata asked gently.
"I don't want to hear them telling me how disappointed they are in me." Yuri confirmed Murata's suspicions. "I've heard it all from everyone else, and I feel guilty and rotten enough as it is. I don't want them to think I'm incapable of loving a fatherless baby and their mother."
"Fatherless?" Murata repeated, confused. "Shibuya, you are the father." Yuri said nothing. "You don't believe the child is yours?"
"The timing matches and I don't believe that Abby was with anyone else….I just can't get used to the idea of the baby being mine. I noticed a small bump on Abby's stomach last night but I didn't feel excited or joyful or anything a father should feel." Yuri sighed again. "I don't know what I feel other than numb."
"Give it time," Murata advised gently. How long had Yuri been feeling this way? How long had he been hiding his fears and allowing them to fester like an open wound? Yuri was driving himself crazy by keeping all this to himself. Yuri might fear that he couldn't love the baby, he might even refuse to acknowledge the baby as his child just yet, but Murata had great faith in Yuri's ability to love. The test of Yuri's heart would be the day the new born was placed in his arms. Murata squeezed Yuri's shoulder and released him.
"I had sex with Abby last night!" Yuri suddenly blurted out, his face blazing crimson.
"You say that like you expect me to be shocked." Murata chuckled. "It was your wedding night. I think I'd be more shocked if you hadn't slept with her."
"But isn't sleeping with someone you don't love, sort of, well, morally wrong?" Yuri fidgeted.
"Most likely," Murata shrugged it off and Yuri stared at him. "But you're married now so get over it." Yuri made a face making Murata chuckle. "Was she that good?"
"Murata!" Yuri exclaimed in horror. His face went scarlet, even his ears turned red, making Murata laugh harder.
"What, no details?" Murata teased.
"Absolutely not!" Yuri looked mortified that Murata would even ask.
"Don't be such a prude, Shibuya. Come on, fess up the good bits!"
"No! Why are you even asking me this?"
"I'm curious," Murata winked.
"You're making fun of me aren't you?" Yuri asked suspiciously. Murata grinned broadly.
"Yep," he confirmed cheerfully. Yuri stared at him for a moment before he started laughing. Murata joined in and for a moment they just laughed like the teenagers they were. After he got himself under control, Murata bumped his shoulder against Yuri's. "It's good to hear you laugh again." Yuri stopped giggling abruptly and looked at Murata in surprise before he smiled.
"Yeah, well, I haven't had much to laugh about recently." Yuri fiddled with his fingers self-consciously as he looked down at the ground.
"Then we need to do something about that, don't we?" Murata smiled and Yuri smiled back. Murata pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand to Yuri. "Come on, you can't hide out here all day. Your guests will want to see you." Yuri groaned loudly. "Don't worry I'll be right there beside you." Murata promised. Yuri glanced up in surprise and Murata saw a little weight fall off his shoulders as he smiled. In time Murata believed the others would forgive Yuri, if they hadn't already. Yuri just needed to know that so he could start forgiving himself. Yuri reached up and took the hand Murata offered him.
"Ok."
*End Chapter*
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