Disclaimer: I do not own KKM or any of its characters
I can't believe it been seven years since I wrote anything. If anyone is still sticking with me after all this you have my eternal gratitude.
I have reviewed and edited all of the previous chapters and re-uploaded them. Nothing substantial in the plot has changed, it was mostly spelling/grammar/flow/pacing corrections.
This chapter took a rather unexpected turn when I started writing it. I do plan out my stories but they often end up wandering away from where I originally planned and getting a life of their own. I suspect the fact that I haven't written anything for this story in years had something to do with the new direction its taking.
I hope you still enjoy it!
Chapter eleven: Forgiveness
*Shinmakoku – three days later*
Abby was surprised at how nervous she felt. It had been a few days since she and Yuri married but she hadn't had much chance to talk to his daughter yet. Today, that was going to change. Abby stepped into the library and walked between the huge towering stacks of books. Sunlight spilled into the room from high windows filling the large space with a warm glow. The bookcases and floor were made from a light coloured wood, making the room seem both bigger and brighter. Abby knew that Greta liked to study for her lessons in here and the quiet, calming atmosphere of the room presented the perfect place to approach her step-daughter.
Abby wanted Greta to like her. She knew the girl had been cool towards her since her arrival and had been deliberately avoiding her since her engagement and subsequent marriage to Yuri. But they were family now and Abby was determined to be a better mother than her own had been to her. What better way to start than with Greta? Greta was very important to Yuri despite not being his biological child. He'd adopted her and given her a home and family when she had none. Greta adored Yuri and loved him like a daughter should her father. What was important to Yuri was important to Abby too.
Abby spotted Greta sitting at a small wooden table with her back to a pair of windows. The sunlight spilled over her pale pink dress and lit up her brown curls like a halo around her head. She was bent over a notebook as Gunter sat opposite her pointing to something in an open book placed between them. As the Royal tutor, Gunter had taken over many aspects of Greta's education. Yuri was still receiving education from Gunter on the various, not to mention complicated, court proceedings and laws of the Kingdom but he was making significant progress. As a result Gunter had more time to dedicate to Greta's education. The Princess had to be very well educated in order to hold her own against diplomates and dignitaries. Just because she was human didn't mean that her education could be taken for granted.
Abby took a deep breath to settle her nerves before she approached the table in a swirl of green silk. She was wearing one of her favourite dresses today with a delicate pattern of flowers stitched in silver thread up the side. As she was nearly five months pregnant she had stopped wearing a corset altogether, even a lightly laced one. Gunter was clearly absorbed in his lesson but he looked up as she approached as if sensing her presence. Abby remembered Yuri telling her that Gunter was an expert swordsman and he'd taught many of the young Nobles their skills with the blade. It was hard to believe looking at him now with his long lilac hair and soft delicate features. Gunter stood up and bowed elegantly, catching Greta's attention.
"My Lady, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?" Gunter straightened up and gave her a pleasant smile.
"I would like to have a word with Greta in private, if that is alright?" Abby directed her gaze to Greta who scowled rebelliously at her.
"Of course," Gunter nodded. "Princess, we will continue from where we left off after you have spoken to your mother."
"She's not my mother." Greta snapped out as she looked back down at the table. Gunter turned slightly pink and looked uncomfortable.
"It's alright," Abby nodded at him in dismissal. Gunter was a member of the Ten Nobles and was not used to being summarily dismissed. He sniffed with great dignity before nodding and leaving the table. A heavy awkward silence fell between the two women as neither made eye contact with the other. After a moment Abby took the seat that Gunter had recently vacated. She glanced at the still open book on the table and saw neat rows of mathematical equations and calculations. "Are you studying maths today?"
"No I'm studying geography," Greta answered in a sarcastic drawl. Abby arched an eyebrow. She never would have dared speak to her mother like that. She doubted Greta spoke to her father like that either. Abby smothered her automatic feeling of irritation at being talked back to by a child, and tried to smile.
"Greta, I know you haven't had the warmest feelings towards me but Yuri and I are married now. We need to start getting along, for his sake if nothing else. It must be difficult for him to see his wife and daughter so unhappy in each other's company."
"You are not my mother." Greta repeated as she raised her head to glare hotly at Abby.
"I know I'm not your mother. And if you don't want to call me 'mother' that is absolutely fine. But you are very important to Yuri and I don't want to fight with you." Abby pleaded as she reached out to take Greta's hand. The girl pulled her hand away out of reach. Abby sighed as she withdrew her hand. "I want you to be happy. I may not be your mother but we are a family now."
"You broke up my family!" Greta snapped out taking Abby by surprise. "We were a family until you came along and took Yuri away from Wolfram!"
"Is that what Wolfram told you?" Abby asked feeling anger rise. Would that damn brat not be satisfied until he destroyed everything that was important to Yuri?
"No one had to tell me, I could see it for myself." Greta answered loftily. "Yuri was going to marry Wolfram but then bad men hurt Wolfram and you stole Yuri away." Greta's brown eyes filled with hot angry pain and despite the somewhat skewered perception she had of her and Yuri's relationship, Abby did feel sorry for her.
"I don't expect you to understand, you're just a child after all, but I did not 'steal' Yuri from Wolfram because Yuri was never Wolfram's to begin with."
"They were engaged!" Greta's chin jutted out stubbornly. "They loved each other!"
"I heard that Yuri asked Wolfram to marry him by accident and repeatedly stated he didn't want to marry him." Abby countered. Greta flushed but did not comment. "Yuri and Wolfram may have cared about each other in a platonic sense, but it wasn't 'love'. At least it wasn't the same love Yuri and I feel for each other."
"You don't know that. You never saw them together."
"No I didn't," Abby agreed. "But you can't deny that their relationship never progressed past friends." Greta huffed and toyed with the edge of her notebook without meeting Abby's gaze. Abby paused as she examined the girl before her. Greta had a great deal of affection for Wolfram so she had to tread carefully. Making Greta angry wouldn't endear the girl to her and she wanted Greta's approval.
Girls needed mothers, or at least a maternal figure to which they could relate. There were things a girl simply couldn't talk to her father about, no matter how much love there was between them. Cecile may provide Greta with a maternal figure but there was still a gap in Greta's life which Abby hoped she could fill. Having the daughter on side would only help her get closer to Yuri's heart. It could even push that stupid Lord Brat out of Yuri's life once and for all.
"Yuri and Wolfram weren't happy together," Abby continued. Greta looked up at that statement.
"Yes they were!" Greta argued and her chin jutted out again.
"I don't think you really believe that." Abby said gently. Greta glared at her and her cheeks went pink. "You love your father, don't you?"
"Of course I do." Greta scoffed.
"In that case I would assume you would want him to be happy?" Abby pressed.
"He was happy," Greta responded but there was a trace of uncertainly to her voice now. "But then Wolfram was taken away and that made Yuri sad."
"Yuri was in a lot of pain," Abby agreed. "His guilt was consuming him from the inside and he created his own personal hell within which to torture himself over his perceived failings. But I can help him. I can make him happy again." Abby smiled at Greta who looked unconvinced.
"Everyone thinks because I'm young I don't notice stuff," Greta said after a pause. "But I notice a lot of things. I know Yuri didn't want to marry you but he did so anyway. I don't know why he married you when he doesn't even like you." This was said with considerable snide. Anger made Abby's face flush hotly. Who had been telling Greta these lies? Damn that Wolfram. He must have said something to her while Greta stayed with him a few weeks ago.
"Greta sweetheart, I don't know who you've been talking to but let me assure you that Yuri loves me." It was at that moment that Abby realised that Yuri had never actually said those words. She pushed the thought away.
"He doesn't act like someone in love." Greta sniffed, clearly sensing she'd hit a nerve. "He doesn't smile at you the way Wolfram smiles at Casper."
"What do you mean?" Abby asked, sharper than she intended. Greta looked startled. "I'm sorry to snap, it's very upsetting to hear you say that you don't believe that Yuri loves me." Abby realised she had balled her hands into tight fists and relaxed them again.
"Wolfram likes Casper, I can tell. When Wolfram is with Casper he smiles a lot. But Yuri does not smile anymore. He stopped smiling when Wolfram was hurt by the bad men. I want Yuri to smile again but he just seems to get sadder instead of happier. You haven't made Yuri happy at all." Greta explained with a shrug. She still seemed wary following Abby's outburst. Abby sat in stunned surprise at Greta's matter-of-fact manner of tone.
"Yuri has a lot on his mind right now which is making it difficult for him to smile." Abby explained as gently as she could. "His friends are giving him a hard time over marrying me because they don't like me very much. I have done nothing to warrant their dislike but you can't force people to like you."
"You replaced Wolfram," Greta stated as if that explained everything.
"I fell in love," Abby replied softly. "I don't understand why that is such a crime." Greta blushed and looked away. "I didn't replace Wolfram because Wolfram was never Yuri's husband, he wasn't even his lover. You don't appear to have any reservations about Wolfram courting Casper. Is Casper not replacing Yuri?"
"You stole Yuri away first," Greta answered as if it should be obvious. "And you married Yuri so Wolfram can't be with him anymore. I don't want Wolfram to be alone."
"I married your father because I love him, not to snub Wolfram." Abby explained. "Greta, whatever anyone may say about me I want you to know that I love your father very much. I love him so much it scares me sometimes, because I fear I could no longer live without him beside me. Greta, your father did not cheat on Wolfram because their engagement was annulled before we even met. I did not plan any of this but fate intervened and saw our future bound together by a new life."
"I don't understand what you're talking about." Greta looked confused.
"Sweetheart, I'm going to have a baby, Yuri's baby." Greta stared at Abby in stunned silence. Abby placed a hand on her belly with a fond smile. "In a little over four months you're going to have a little brother or sister."
"You're pregnant?" Greta asked, looking pale.
"Yes sweetheart, it's why Yuri and I had to be married quickly, so we would be married before the baby arrived. Children born outside of marriage can be treated very badly and it would have reflected badly on Yuri if he had a child outside of marriage." Abby explained. Greta said nothing. "I hope when this baby is born you'll love them like your sibling. I would like it very much if they could rely on you to be there for them. Having family there to love and support you from an early age is very important." Abby watched as the girl stared at the table without moving a muscle. "Greta?" Abby prompted when Greta failed to say anything.
"I can't believe he didn't tell me!" Greta leapt to her feet making Abby start. Greta's face was red and her eyes shone with hurt and unshed tears.
"Greta –" Abby began but Greta turned and ran away. Gunter came back to the table with a large leather bound book in his arms just as Greta ran past him.
"Princess, what's wrong?" Gunter called out but Greta ignored him and kept running. Abby jumped her feet but Greta was too fast for her to follow.
"What happened in here?" Gunter demanded.
"Mind your own business," Abby snapped as she shoved past Gunter and stormed out of the library.
-:-
Yuri was working on the accounts with Gwendal when his study door flew open with enough force to bang against the wall. Yuri practically leapt out of his chair in surprise and Gwendal's hand went to his sword. Greta stormed into the study with her hair nearly standing on end from the force of her anger. Yuri blinked in surprise as Greta strode to the front of his desk, stopped and glared at him. Her cheeks were pink and her lips were trembling. Clearly she was very upset but Yuri couldn't think of anything that could have happened to upset her like this.
"Greta, what's wrong?" Yuri asked when Greta failed to say anything.
"Why didn't you tell me that Abby is pregnant?" Greta demanded and Yuri just about had a heart attack. Who had told her about that?
"I…err…" Yuri stammered.
"If you'll excuse me, Your Majesty." Gwendal rumbled. He stood, swept out of the study and shut the door firmly behind him before Yuri could voice protest. Yuri turned his gaze to his furious looking daughter.
"Why didn't you say anything? Were you ever going to tell me?" Greta demanded. Yuri sighed and pushed himself away from his desk. It looked like he couldn't keep this from Greta any longer.
"Greta, come here." Yuri opened his arms but Greta shook her head firmly.
"No, answer the question." Greta demanded looking dangerously close to tears. Yuri drew in a deep breath as he dropped his arms. He had been putting this off for far too long. It was time to face facts and be honest.
"Abby is pregnant," Yuri said gently. "It's the reason we had to get married so quickly. Do you remember when she first came to the Castle?" Greta nodded. "Abby and I became…..close during that time. It wasn't until she returned home that she realised she was expecting a child. That is why I asked her to marry me."
"So you've known all this time that she's pregnant? Does everyone else know, too? Is that why everyone is so cross with you?" Greta looked appalled.
"Yes I knew but only the family – Conrad, Cecile, Gwendal, and Gunter – know about Abby's pregnancy." Yuri felt uncomfortable talking about pregnancies with his preteen daughter. Please don't ask me where babies come from or how they're made, Yuri begged silently. Yuri realised, somewhat belatedly, he was setting a very bad example to his daughter. He sincerely hoped she didn't follow his example in life.
"Why didn't you say anything? Why did you keep it a secret from me all this time?" Greta's face crumpled. "Are – are you replacing me?" Greta's voice wobbled and Yuri felt his heart break.
"Greta, honey, please come here." Yuri opened his arms again. Greta hesitated for a moment before she walked around the desk and Yuri picked her up and sat her down on his lap. Greta had grown so much since he'd adopted her. She'd been such a small and skinny girl back then. Soon she would be too big to sit on his lap like this. Yuri wrapped his arms around Greta and rested his chin on her head. "Listen to me; no one is ever going to replace you. I love you very much."
"Abby replaced Wolfram," Greta interrupted. Her voice wobbled again. "If you stopped loving Wolfram then you could stop loving me too."
"Oh Greta, no, sweetheart don't think that for a moment." Yuri hugged Greta tighter. "I will never stop loving you. You will never stop being my daughter, no matter how old you get or how many kids I have. Do you understand? You'll always be my daughter and I will always be your father."
"But this baby will be yours. I'm just adopted. You adopted me because you felt sorry for me." Greta hiccupped and Yuri felt a suspicious wetness against his shoulder.
"Family means more than blood Greta." Yuri said firmly. "You are a part of my family and that will never change, blood or no blood. And I did not adopt you because I 'felt sorry' for you. I adopted you because I wanted you to be my daughter."
"But –"
"No 'buts'," Yuri interrupted gently. "Greta, the baby won't change how I feel about you. He or she is not a replacement or anything of the sort."
"What about Wolfram?" Greta pulled back enough to look at Yuri. Her eyes were red. "You stopped loving him when you met Abby."
"Greta, Wolfram and I were…complicated." Yuri swallowed hard. Even he wasn't entirely sure what kind of relationship he and Wolfram used to share. What Yuri was sure of was that Wolfram didn't want anything to do with him. He'd certainly left fast enough. All of their interactions since they'd been separated in Big Shimaron were filled with awkwardness and guilt.
"You didn't love him?" Greta asked sounding sad. "Abby said you didn't love Wolfram and you weren't happy with him. She said that's why you never married him."
"She said that?" Yuri sighed as he realised he needed to have a talk with Abby. He'd noticed her intense jealously around Wolfram but if that jealously was starting to impact negatively on Greta he needed to put an end to it. "Greta, Wolfram and I are both men. Now, some men are attracted to men and there's nothing wrong with that but that's not how I am. This is not something that can be changed or that I have control over." Yuri cleared his throat. "Wolfram was, is, very important to me and I'd do anything for him but I didn't desire him in a romantic sense."
"So we were never a family?" Greta asked quietly.
"We're still a family," Yuri responded firmly, "just as Conrad and Gwendal are part of our family." Yuri ignored the twinge of pain that came with saying Conrad's name. Their last argument still lingered in his mind. "I've been thinking recently that maybe Wolfram and I being apart is a good thing." Yuri rubbed Greta's back in thoughtful circles. "Sometimes people get along better when they are apart."
"Grown-ups are so confusing." Greta sighed dramatically.
"You might be right," Yuri chuckled. Then he turned serious and gently ran his fingers through Greta's hair. "Greta, if I had married Wolfram it would have been a lie and that would have been unfair to Wolfram. Do you understand?"
"Do you love Abby?" Greta asked suddenly. Yuri hesitated before he answered her, which in itself was answer enough.
"Under Mazoku law children born outside of marriage cannot inherit and are often shunned." Yuri said softly. "It used to be that way in my world for many years too. Unmarried mothers would often be disowned, thrown out of their homes or they would be forced to give up the baby." Yuri took a deep breath. "I couldn't turn Abby away when she told me she was expecting. I never would have forgiven myself if something happened to her or the baby." Greta was quiet for a long moment as she looked at the carpet.
"So, you married her because of the baby?" Greta asked glancing up at Yuri questioningly.
"Yes," Yuri answered honestly.
"But do you love her? If you only married her because of the baby aren't you lying to her? Abby told me that she loves you." Greta pushed.
"That's enough Greta," Yuri said firmly. He wasn't going to discuss his lack of love for Abby with his young impressionable daughter. "You don't need to worry about that." Greta scowled but didn't say anything. Yuri figured that she understood the meaning behind his words well enough to figure out the answer to her questions herself. "Greta, I know you don't like Abby but can I ask you to give her a chance?" Yuri kissed Greta's head gently.
"For the baby's sake?" Greta almost sounded sarcastic.
"For me," Yuri answered softly. "I want you to be happy and anger never brings anyone happiness." Greta chewed on her thumb as she considered this proposal. Yuri let her think without interrupting her thoughts. He didn't want Greta and Abby to be at odds with each other for the rest of their lives. He knew how difficult some kids found it having a stepparent, but he didn't want that for Greta.
"She's not my mother," Greta announced with great ceremony. "And I'm not going to call her mum or anything like that. But I guess I can give her a chance."
"Thank you Greta." Yuri kissed her forehead. "That means so much to me." Greta nodded and hugged Yuri. Yuri hugged her back tightly feeling a rush of warmth and affection for his daughter. She'd been through so much, too much for someone so young, and yet she was still a good person.
"So, I'm going to be a big sister?" Greta said bringing Yuri's attention back to her.
"Yep," Yuri pulled back and smiled at her. "Are you hoping for a little brother or a little sister?" Greta pressed her lips together as she thought about that.
"A sister," she said after a moment's consideration. "It would be nice to have a sister. We could go shopping for pretty dresses together and braid each other's hair!" Greta looked excited at the prospect. Yuri smiled as he suddenly realised that his mother would be beside herself with delight to have a granddaughter for pretty much the same reasons.
"Well we'll have to wait and see." Yuri said with a smile.
"What are you hoping for?" Greta asked innocently. Yuri felt his stomach lurch.
"I don't mind what gender they are," Yuri answered as smoothly as he could. "I already have the perfect daughter after all." Yuri winked and Greta giggled. "Hey, no more of this talk of being replaced, ok? You are as much my daughter as if you'd been born to me." Yuri looked at Greta closely and was pleased to see her smile at him.
"Ok," Greta answered. Yuri arched an eyebrow. "I am your daughter." Greta stated in response to Yuri's silent staring.
"Yes you are, and nothing will change that." Yuri kissed Greta's head again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the baby sooner. And just so you know, I asked Wolfram not to say anything to you."
"Wolfram knows about the baby?" Greta looked surprised.
"Yes he does," Yuri felt a guilty twinge as he recalled the way he'd practically shouted it at Wolfram back when he first returned to the Castle after his ten week absence.
"No wonder he's upset." Greta grunted as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Yes, well….." Yuri rubbed the back of his neck feeling embarrassed.
"Do you think Wolfram and Casper are in love?" Greta's question threw Yuri for a loop.
"W-what? Err…I don't know." Yuri stammered.
"I think they're in love," Greta beamed. "Wolfram's always smiling when Casper's around and he seems more relaxed. Casper's really nice so I like him. Maybe they'll get married too!" Greta looked excited at the prospect while Yuri wasn't sure how he felt about it.
"Whatever happens is between the two of them." Yuri answered. "And shouldn't you be in class?" Yuri suddenly realised what time it was.
"I was having a maths class with Gunter when Abby interrupted." Greta sniffed.
"Well you better get back to it then. Your education is very important." Yuri gently but firmly set Greta back on her feet on the floor. "Go on, off you go and don't give Gunter any trouble."
"Like you don't," Greta sniggered as she ran for the study door.
"I heard that!" Yuri called out as Greta reached the door. Greta looked over her shoulder to grin at Yuri before she swept out of the study with considerably less force than when she entered.
Yuri sighed and leaned back in his chair. By keeping secrets from Greta he had created a far worse situation than if he'd just been honest with her in the first place. He was lucky he'd managed to salvage the situation and ease Greta's fears.
He'd never imaged that Greta would feel like she was being replaced but her words did make sense to him. Greta was adopted so it was understandable she would feel threatened by the birth of her sibling. Yuri didn't know much about babies but he did know they took up a lot of their parents' time and attention. He would have to make sure he kept time for Greta so she didn't feel left out. Including her in her brother or sister's life as early as possible would likely help them to form a bond too.
His thoughts wondered back to Wolfram and Casper. His first impression of Casper had been of a sly cad who had shrewdly taken advantage of Wolfram's fragile state. As he sat at his desk he looked back he wondered why he'd taken such an intense dislike to Casper. Greta liked Casper and now Yuri thought about it, Casper did make Wolfram smile. Wolfram seemed more grounded now, less prone to violent outbursts and more self-confident. Casper had brought about those changes in Wolfram. Rather than resenting Casper and being suspicious of his intentions maybe he should have been more supportive. It wasn't like he wanted Wolfram to be miserable.
Was he jealous of Casper? The realisation hit Yuri with the force of a brick to the head. For four years he'd been the centre of Wolfram's every thought and action but now another man occupied Wolfram's thoughts. Even though he didn't love Wolfram he had grown accustomed to being the most important person in Wolfram's life. Now someone else had taken his place.
Yuri groaned and covered his face with his hands. He was a terrible person. He should be pleased that Wolfram had found someone he loved and who returned his love. He shouldn't be trying to sabotage their relationship out of misplaced jealously.
Yuri sighed and rubbed his eyes. The next time he saw Wolfram and Casper he would have to try and make amends. Wolfram deserved to be happy and he should make more of an effort to be supportive. He should give Casper a chance and Yuri had to admit he barely knew the guy.
Thinking of Wolfram brought Yuri's thoughts full circle to Conrad. Perhaps patching things up with Wolfram would help patch things up with Conrad? Yuri scowled at his desk. He'd tried to make up with Conrad, he'd gone to him with his heart in his hands but Conrad had soundly rejected him. Yuri leaned back in his chair with a world weary sigh unbecoming of someone who had yet to reach their eighteenth birthday.
Greta was right, being a grown-up was confusing.
-:-
Conrad knew he couldn't leave things so strained between himself and Yuri. Josak had been right when he'd accused him of refusing to forgive Yuri as a way to punish himself.
As Conrad had watched the carriage carrying Wolfram, Casper, Flynn and Elisabeth away to the port to start their adventure he'd admired Wolfram for shrugging off the pain and loss to start a new life. He'd waved them off thinking of how his brother and Casper would never have met if not for those events in Big Shimeron. Conrad knew that he, in contrast, was still holding on to everything. Holding onto the guilt for allowing Yuri and Wolfram to join the mission in the first place, the guilt of leaving his baby brother alone to fight those bandits rather than fighting beside him, and for not supporting Yuri through Wolfram's 'death' as he should have done. He'd had a hand in driving Yuri into Abby's arms which in turn led to the child inside Abby's belly.
Conrad had also realised something else as that carriage rolled away. He hadn't given much thought to the new life growing inside Abby but he'd had the sudden realisation that the baby was an innocent life. The child did not ask to be conceived, they had no idea of the turmoil their existence had caused nor should they suffer for it. The baby should be born into a family who loved and cherished them. It was understandable that Yuri would be stressed and worried about the impending birth as he was so painfully young. As his godfather, as his friend, Conrad should be there for him. He should be supporting him through this rather than giving him the cold shoulder. Enough was enough and it was time to put everything behind them. It was time for Conrad to forgive Yuri and himself.
Conrad knew Yuri was in his study with Gwendal going over the accounts. Gwendal wanted Yuri to start taking a more active role in managing the country. Yuri was learning quick and was more focused than usual. Conrad had thought it unwise to interrupt but he'd met Gwendal coming the other way just a moment ago. When he'd asked if Gwendal was finished with Yuri, Gwendal had surprised him by saying that Greta had burst into the study. Apparently she'd found out that Abby was pregnant and was not happy about it.
Conrad chewed his lip as he wondered what to do. Should he go and see if Yuri was alright or should he leave father and daughter alone to talk? If Yuri's talk with Greta had gone badly then his interruption might not help matters. Conrad was broken from his musing as he saw Greta walking towards him. The girl was smiling but there was a lingering redness to her eyes that suggested she'd been crying.
"Greta," Conrad called out and the girl looked up, "is everything ok? I heard that you and Yuri got into an argument." Conrad prompted.
"Abby told me that she was pregnant," Greta admitted, "I was upset because no one told me about it. I thought maybe Yuri was keeping it secret because he wanted to replace me with the new baby."
"What…Greta, you must know Yuri would never do that to you." Conrad said in horror.
"It's all ok now," Greta said hurriedly. "Yuri and I had a long talk and I understand that I'll always be his daughter." Greta blushed and fiddled with her dress. "I feel silly for making such a fuss."
"You are not silly," Conrad smiled at the girl. "A lot has changed around here and I'm sure it must be difficult for you. No one likes change."
"Hmm, but…" Greta paused thoughtfully, "after talking to Yuri I realised that I'm excited to have a little sister or brother." Greta looked embarrassed as if she'd said something she shouldn't have. "I mean, Abby is not my mother, and I'm not sure she makes Yuri happy like she keeps going on about, and Wolfram keeps leaving which makes me sad, but I know he's happy so I'm happy, but I still miss him." Conrad chuckled and tapped the girl on the nose.
"You should be excited to have a little brother or sister. I was excited when I found out my mother was pregnant." Conrad chuckled at the memory. "As for Wolfram, you are absolutely right that he's happy. He left because he wanted to be alone with Casper, no one made him leave. And I'm sure he'll be back in no time."
"Are you mad at Yuri?" Greta asked suddenly.
"I was," Conrad admitted, "but I've realised that being mad serves no purpose so I want to make things better between us."
"Yuri asked me to try and get along with Abby." Greta said quietly. She looked very young and uncertain as she bit her lip. "I said I would but…she made Wolfram so unhappy I want to hate her."
"You mustn't hate Abby, Greta." Conrad said, serious. "You don't hate the baby, do you?"
"No," Greta shook her head.
"Good," Conrad smiled, "maybe you'll like Abby if you give her a chance? And, if you think about it, if Abby wasn't pregnant then Wolfram wouldn't be with Casper."
"I like Casper," Greta admitted, "I'm glad he's with Wolfram."
"If Wolfram had returned to the castle and Abby wasn't expecting Yuri's child, if they weren't getting married, what do you think Wolfram would have done?" This was a question Conrad had been asking himself these past three days as he watched Wolfram interact with Casper. He'd never seen his brother like that before.
"He would have wanted to marry Yuri." Greta said without hesitation.
"Exactly," Conrad agreed. Wolfram was nothing if not possessive and he would have wanted their engagement reinstated. Everything would have gone back to how it was before with both boys miserable wanting something different than the other was willing to give him. Yuri had wanted Wolfram's friendship but Wolfram had wanted Yuri's heart.
"Were Wolfram and Yuri that unhappy together?" Greta asked suddenly. "Abby said that they were unhappy but I thought she was just saying that to be mean."
"Yuri and Wolfram wanted different things," Conrad wasn't sure how to explain everything to Greta. "Sometimes when a couple want very different things it drives them apart. I know they both care about each other, but I honestly believe that they're better off now." Conrad surprised himself when he realised he wasn't just saying that. He did truly believe it.
"You think Yuri is better off with Abby?" Greta wrinkled her nose making Conrad chuckle.
"I think Yuri made the right decision to marry Abby when he found out she was pregnant. He didn't intend any of this to happen. He's doing the best he can with the situation. I think we all need to cut him some slack."
"I want Yuri to smile again," Greta said solemnly. "He doesn't smile like he used to anymore."
"He might smile more if we all tell him we love him." Conrad ruffled Greta's hair, "and if we make more effort to make Abby welcome and a part of our family."
"He doesn't love her." Greta blushed bright red and ducked her head as if she'd uttered a bad word. Conrad looked shocked but quickly recovered his composure. Yuri would never have said something like that to his daughter. It was most likely that Greta had come to this conclusion herself.
"Yuri wasn't given much opportunity to fall in love before events forced his hand." Conrad said thoughtfully. "It must be difficult to allow yourself to love someone when you feel some level of resentment and guilt at the same time." Yuri was drunk when the baby was conceived, Conrad thought, he likely would not have had sex with Abby otherwise. He also likely wouldn't have pursued a relationship with her were it not for the baby. As Conrad thought about it he suddenly wondered if Abby knew this. It would explain why she was so fearful and jealous of Wolfram.
"Grown-ups are complicated," Greta echoed her previous sentiment from her talk with Yuri. Conrad laughed. "Oh, I have to get back to class or Gunter will be mad." Greta gasped as she remembered where she'd been going in the first place.
"In that case you'd better go!" Conrad chuckled and Greta gave him a smile before hurrying off in the direction of the library. Conrad watched her go then turned and started walking to Yuri's study. It seemed that now was a good time to mend fences between them.
Conrad reached Yuri's study and knocked loudly on the door. He heard Yuri call out and opened the door. Yuri was sitting behind his desk but the way he leaned back in his chair suggested he hadn't picked up his work since his talk with Greta. He looked startled to see Conrad before his face closed off with a wary expression. That Yuri would be so guarded around him made Conrad feel sad but he knew he had no one to blame but himself.
"What can I do for you, Lord Weller?" Yuri asked formally.
"Yuri, I have come to ask something of you. I want to ask for your forgiveness," Conrad shut the door behind him. The look on Yuri's face would have made Conrad laugh under other circumstances.
"You want to ask me for…what?"
Conrad stepped towards the desk and knelt down bowing his head. "A few days ago you came to me to ask me to forgive you and for us to mend things between us but I refused you." Conrad took a deep breath. "That was a mistake for which I must beg for your forgiveness.
"I do not blame you for anything that has happened over these past months. If anything I blame myself. I should have protected Wolfram, I should have protected you, it's my job to protect you, but I failed. I let you down when you needed me. It was not wrong of you to seek comfort in Abby's arms and I would be lying if I said that I didn't understand why you did it.
"I took out my feeling of guilt on you and that was unforgiveable. You did not deserve my disdain and pushing you away only isolated you further. I should have hugged you that day when we found out that Abby was pregnant. I should have told you that everything was going to be ok but I didn't. Instead I hurt you further.
"I believed that forgiving you meant forgiving me. I thought, stupidly, that supporting you meant turning my back on Wolfram. I thought I was betraying the feelings my brother had for you by supporting you with someone else." Conrad took a deep breath. Yuri sat completely still and silent through his monologue. "But the truth is that you and Wolfram were unhappy. You didn't love my brother and he couldn't let you go. When I saw my brother with Casper that night, when I saw how he was with him, I realised, 'so that's what my brother looks like when he's in love'. I was happy for him.
"And then I realised I was being spiteful and vindictive." Conrad gave a humourless laugh. "If I could be happy for Wolfram with another man I could be happy for you with a woman. Wolfram is the one who has suffered the most but he's getting on with his life and finding his own happiness while I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and making you miserable. I was shocked at how unkind I'd become.
"Yuri, I want you to be happy. I want you to have a bright beautiful future with Abby and your child. I want to see you smile again. I was just talking with Greta, she told me of your conversation, and we agreed to make more effort to make Abby welcome here. She may have had ulterior motives when she took you to bed that night but I can't say that she knew she'd fall pregnant or that you would marry her. You were right to marry her, you did the right thing and I gave you nothing but grief for it. Abby clearly loves you and she's the mother of your unborn child. I was being callous to her and to the baby by holding her at arm's length. But worst of all I left you to deal with all this alone. I should never have done that.
"I fear that my actions have created a rift between you and your wife. I am terrified that I may have even created a rift between you and your unborn child. A child is a wonderful gift. You should be happy and celebrating with your family, not locked away in your study afraid to join with your family for fear of their disappointment. You may not believe me, you have more than enough reasons to hate me, but I still think of you as my family. I want to be there for you, for the baby and for Abby too. She's a first-time mum and I'm sure she must be scared.
"We can't go back to how things used to be but we can create a new future, together. I can't change what happened and no amount of regret will turn back the hands of time. But I can support you now. I can make up for my failures by standing beside you in your time of need. That's if you will accept my apology." Conrad fell silent. He kept his head bowed so he couldn't see the expression on Yuri's face. There was a long silence that was so quiet Conrad could hear his heart beating.
"I asked you for forgiveness and you pushed me away." Yuri broke the silence with a suddenness that made Conrad's back stiffen in surprise. Yuri's voice was tight as if the words caused him pain.
"I did," Conrad acknowledged. "It was heartless and vindictive of me."
"You said I betrayed Wolfram's memory." Yuri's voice shook slightly.
"When I found out that you had slept with Abby and that she was expecting your child I admit I was shocked. I didn't think you that kind of person. But of course, you were hardly yourself at the time. You were in pain, not to mention you'd had too much to drink, and a pretty girl offered you salvation. Abby should have known better, too. I'm certain she made all the advances that night. Yes, I felt that you'd thrown away Wolfram's memory for a one night tryst but the fact is we can only hurt so much before it becomes too much. When you explained to me why you went to Abby, that you were alone and in pain, I didn't want to hear it." Conrad balled his hands into fists. "I didn't want to hear it because I knew it was true. I didn't want to acknowledge my part in what happened. I wanted to pretend it wasn't my fault and that I had no part of play. But that was a lie."
"So after giving me the cold shoulder you want to make up like nothing happened?"
"No," Conrad shook his head, "not like nothing happened. Our relationship will not be as it was, that is impossible, but we can start afresh. I can be there for you as I should be as your Godfather." Conrad paused. "I understand if you can't forgive me but I promise to never abandon you ever again. Even if you hate me I will always be by your side." Conrad stopped talking and took a breath. There was another long silence. Conrad stared at the carpet resisting the urge to see Yuri's face.
Conrad heard the sound of the chair scraping back and Yuri walking towards him. He did not raise his head as Yuri's feet came into view. Yuri dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Conrad's neck taking him completely by surprise. Conrad felt his heart leap as he reached out and hugged Yuri tight to him. Yuri was shaking. Conrad held him tight.
"Of course I forgive you, you damn idiot." Yuri hiccupped. "I couldn't ever hate you."
"Thank you, Yuri." Conrad's voice cracked and he was horrified to realise he was on the verge of tears.
"I've missed you so much," Yuri continued, "you were right there but so far away from me. I thought you would hate me forever."
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Conrad clung to Yuri. He didn't know what else to say.
"Is it really ok if we move on with our lives?" Yuri sniffed. Conrad gently pulled back so he could see Yuri's face. Yuri wasn't crying but his eyes were red and he looked so very young in that moment that Conrad thought his heart might break from the sight.
"Yes," Conrad cupped Yuri's face and dropped his head until their foreheads touched. "Yuri, it is time for both of us to forgive ourselves over what happened in Big Shimaron. It is time for us to face the past and move on."
"But…Wolfram…" Yuri licked his lips nervously.
"Wolfram is alive," Conrad said gently, "he's alive and he's going to be just fine. That is what we should be focussing on. He has a whole new future ahead of him and he's out there grabbing it with both hands. We should learn from his example." Conrad chuckled. "I don't think Wolfram would be impressed by our pity."
"No, he most certainly would not," Yuri also chuckled.
"And you have a whole new future ahead of you too." Conrad added. Yuri moved back and Conrad released him. Yuri wouldn't meet his gaze as sat back on his heels and dug his fingers into the carpet.
"I don't think I love her, Conrad." Yuri sounded desperate and Conrad's heart went out to him.
"You haven't really been given the chance to love her." Conrad said gently, laying his hand on Yuri's shoulder as they knelt together on the floor of Yuri's study. "You only had one night with her before she fell pregnant and then you are marrying her. I understand why you would feel resentful." Yuri blushed.
"I know I shouldn't," Yuri admitted, "but I'm angry. It just doesn't seem fair."
"Life is rarely fair," Conrad commented, "but we make the best we can with what we get. You were right to marry Abby. As for your anger…" Conrad paused as he mulled it over. "It could be misplaced guilt. You feel guilty for having sex with Abby, for what happened to Wolfram and resentful for everyone turning on you; myself included." Conrad ruffled Yuri's hair and was pleased when Yuri didn't pull away. "Maybe you just need to give yourself permission to love her?"
"I don't understand." Yuri shook his head.
"Abby loves you, maybe you just need to open your heart to her and accept her love." Conrad explained. He smiled when Yuri blushed. "You can't love someone if you are thinking about someone else."
"Do you mean Wolfram?" It wasn't really a question but Conrad nodded. "I don't know how. It's not that I love him, but I just can't stop thinking that I failed him, that he should be here with his family and I'm the reason he isn't."
"I'm pretty sure Wolfram's life decisions no longer revolve around you," Conrad tweaked Yuri's nose to show he was teasing as Yuri squeaked indigently. "The reason he isn't here at this particular moment is because he's off courting Casper Falken."
"Wait…they are officially dating now?" Yuri looked slightly shocked.
"They most certainly are," Conrad chuckled again. "Waltorana did give them his blessings to court but I hear he's not thrilled about it." Yuri was quiet as he digested this new information. Conrad let him sit in completive silence for a moment.
"I didn't like Casper when he first arrived with Wolfram." Yuri spoke slowly. "I distrusted him and I didn't want him around Wolfram or my daughter. It was my opinion that he was no good and would only hurt Wolfram. Then Greta and I spoke a few minutes ago and she mentioned that Casper makes Wolfram happy and I knew she was right. I started to wonder why I was so against Casper when I hardly knew the guy.
"Then I realised my own ugly truth." Yuri shook his head and scoffed. "I was actually jealous of him! I resented that he'd saved Wolfram's life instead of me but more than that I was jealous that he'd taken my place. Everyone loved him and you all hated me. I was envious that he got to be so happy while I was so miserable. I think on some level I may have even been resentful of Wolfram being happy with some other guy." Yuri looked up to meet Conrad's gaze. He looked pained. "I'm a terrible person."
"You are not a terrible person. We all get jealous," Conrad said gently, "recognising it is the first step to being better people. You can make up for your actions by supporting Wolfram and Casper and being happy for their happiness."
"Yes," Yuri nodded, "you are right of course."
"But being jealous of them doesn't mean you can't try to find the same love for yourself." Conrad added and Yuri gave a small start. "You have a beautiful wife who would do anything for you. She knows your heart isn't hers and I'm sure that makes her feel insecure. Try loving her, for the sake of your unborn child if not for yourself."
"I'm scared," Yuri admitted quietly. "I'm scared because I don't love the baby. I know I should, all fathers should love their unborn children unconditionally no matter how that child was conceived, but I just don't feel anything. I just want it to be over but when the baby is born that's when everything begins, not ends. Oh Conrad, what do I do if I can't love them?" Yuri hunched his shoulders as if expecting rebuke.
"Do not fret so much," Conrad answered. Yuri blinked and raised his gaze. "I promise you Yuri, everything will change the moment you hold that child in your arms."
"I hope so." Yuri didn't sound convinced. He looked lost and forlorn and Conrad wanted to make it all better. A sudden idea came to him and Conrad decided to go with it before he could second guess himself.
"How about we play a game of baseball?" Conrad suggested. Yuri's whole face lit up with excitement and Conrad laughed. It was good to see Yuri smile again.
"What about Gwendal?" Yuri's smile faded as he glanced at the pile of paperwork on his desk.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Conrad laughed. He stood up and pulled Yuri to his feet with him. "Let's go play a game." Yuri laughed and his dark eyes danced for the first time in many long months. To Conrad it was the most wonderful sight in the world.
*End Chapter*
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