For the disclaimer, please see the Authors Note at the beginning of Chapter 1
The Journals of Elizabeth Anne Green
Chapter 6
Thursday October 6th
I can't believe that the first thing I am writing about in my beautiful journal is something so sad. Jimmy and Otis were tracking a buck. They got it too. Unfortunately there was a little boy behind it. The bullet went completely through it and hit the boy in the chest.
Maggie was on the porch when she saw his dad carrying him. Otis was running across the pasture with his friend and Jimmy not far behind. Maggie said she's never seen Otis move so fast. Daddy and Patti have been trying to keep the boy stable in the downstairs bedroom. Maggie went and brought his mother to the house.
Apparently they are part of a group of refugees that have been wandering for a while. Daddy says that desperate people do desperate things and that I'm to be careful around them. I'm not sure how many there are, but so far five of them are here right now. In addition to the boy and his parents are an asian man and a black man who got injured and has an infection in his arm. They came ahead of the rest of their group in the hopes that Daddy could stitch up a big cut on his arm. Daddy was able to do it in about 20 minutes or so. It's bad infected, but Daddy said the antibiotics that he was taking are super strong and he should be feeling better in a day or so.
I stayed in the kitchen and cooked mostly, besides cleaning up the blood off the floors and the handle of the screen door. I just hope Daddy will spare me enough peroxide to get the blood out of the sheets. I will be doing a tub of laundry tomorrow because if I let it set until Wednesday none of it will ever come out.
After dinner, the one that came with the boy's father left with Otis to go to the camp by the high school. Daddy needs some equipment to help the boy. The bullet broke into pieces and Daddy has to put him to sleep to get the pieces out. He also may be bleeding inside and Daddy needs to stitch up whatever it is.
His Mom and Dad are in a right state. I never saw a man panic so much. His mom is managing much better. She is angry as all get out, but she is managing to keep his dad under control, otherwise, that man would still be the blubbering mess he was before she got here. Even his friend, was struggling to make him keep his head.
Maggie is flirting with the asian guy. The whole time we were doing dishes it was Glenn this, and Glenn that. Doesn't he have the most gorgeous eyes? His (fill in the blank) are so (synonym for hot wonderful sexy ect). I quit paying attention by the time we finished the cups and flatware. How can she be so tied up with a guy when there is a child in our house who could be dying.
It looks like Otis and that guy are back. I should go and see if Daddy needs me to help with anything.
Friday, October 7th
Otis is gone. This has been an awful turn of events. I can hardly believe it. I will never get to listen to his banjo picking again. No more of his joking around, no more of his cheerful outlook no matter what's going on.
Jimmy was tending horses when Officer Walsh came back without him. Daddy needed Patti's help with the surgery on the little boy, Karl or Carl. I don't know how they spell it. I would ask, but I don't want to poke or prod them.
ANYWAY, Daddy and Maggie were the only ones who knew Otis wasn't coming back until after the surgery because they didn't think that Patti would be able to keep her head through the surgery if she knew. Whether it was right or wrong to keep it from her I don't know but she is the saddest person I've ever seen. Jimmy is too busy being angry to be sad right now, but it will come.
Jimmy seems convinced that Officer Walsh must have done something to Otis. I can't believe anyone would hurt Otis after even a few minutes in his company. I'm not meaning to speak poorly of the dead, but, Otis wasn't in the best of shape, and after his epic run yesterday I think he had probably used up any spunk he had. For one thing, he was no spring chicken. He was 53 years old, and not spry. You could tell that he had been eating pretty well for years too. Not that he was fat, he was just well padded, and comfy for hugs. For all he was running, Officer Grimes outpaced him running across that field and Jimmy supported him from stumbling a couple of times on the way to the house. Just because someone seems intimidating, does not make them a murderer. Officer Walsh and Officer Grimes were sheriff deputies for goodness sake.
The rest of their group arrived this morning while I was washing the sheets. There are two other women besides Mrs. Grimes, a real pretty blond lady and an older one with super short hair. There were also two more men. One looks a bit older than Daddy and likes Hawaiian shirts, the other one looks pretty rugged in a fit kind of way. They came in a convoy led by an RV. That makes 10 people now.
Patti and Jimmy wanted to retrieve Otis' body but Daddy and Officer Walsh insisted that it was too unsafe to even consider right now. When the ill are no longer about the clinic, they promised Patty that they will retrieve his remains. Daddy dedicated the ground by the old sycamore as grave and we had a memorial service for him there.
Patty hasn't left her room since the service. I went in to check on her a few minutes ago. She was sitting in Mama's wicker rocker quietly going back and forth with tears raining out of her eyes. She has no voice, she cried it all out already. She wants to go home and go through Otis' things. She was upset that Maggie and Glenn could go to a pharmacy but not to her home which is closer. Jimmy says he will take her tomorrow.
Between Glenn's group and Daddy, Maggie and Glenn have an extensive list of things to get and probably won't be back until after dark. Even though we just had a funeral life goes on. Daddy has Jimmy running the baler in the south field. He is rather hostile to Officer Walsh, even though it wasn't his fault. I know he kind of rubbed Jimmy the wrong way even before Otis and he left last night, he did me too. I can admit that he is a bit creepy and has a way of watching a person that can be disconcerting. As long as Jimmy is working the field, he won't have to be around Officer Walsh, and he can mourn without being disturbed. He promised to keep his radio with him and on, but insisted that he didn't want me to come with him so I have one next to me in case he needs anything.
Daddy has been in and out of the downstairs guest room all day, checking on the boy and making sure he's comfortable. I can tell he is upset about everything. He is so unshakeable. It is so comforting to see him staying steady. Maggie too. They are so strong. I have been busy just trying to stay out of the way, and be supportive to everyone. I can't sing. I try but nothing comes out. I got to get downstairs. I can smell that the casserole is almost ready to come out of the oven so I need to go start on the salad and getting the table ready.
Saturday, October 8th
Jimmy and Patti went home early this morning and came back with Patti's albums and scrap books. Patti seems much better for it. They were back within a little over an hour. I was sure that they would be gone most of the day. She has been up and about, weeding the garden and even helped Daddy and I feed the ill ones before lunch. She has been staying close to the house. She doesn't want anything to do with the people that are camped on the lawn.
The boy, Carl is running a fever, Daddy is worried that he may have an infection. Daddy wants him to have a Cefpodoximine tablet in the morning and at bedtime. His Mama has been nursing him at the bedside not even seeming to care about taking care of herself. I've been trying to get her to eat and bringing cool water for her to cool her boy with. She looks like she's mourning him already.
Their people are out looking for a little girl who got lost in the woods. That's what they were doing when the boy was shot. Her mother Carol, was the lady with the really short hair. I hope they find her soon. I would be so scared if I was lost in the woods by myself and I'm not even little. The rough looking man has been searching nonstop. That's probably why I haven't seen him since the other night.
Sunday, October 9th
We had our Sunday meeting today. Daddy invited them to come but only Mrs. Grimes and Mr. Hovarth came. I think Mrs. Grimes was just being polite. Mr. Hovarth seemed to enjoy it. We had a lesson on the atonement. Daddy had a really good quote. "What makes you so unique, and your sins so spectacular that Jesus, The Greatest of All, can't cover it? That takes some kind of ego." Daddy said he heard that from Mr. Billy at an AA meeting when I was a baby.
It was my turn to play the piano. I played the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Come Unto Jesus and Our Saviors Love. Because I had some time on my hands I practiced some primary songs. I always mess up the tiny glissando in The Army of Helaman. It's only four notes but it gets me every time.
My favorite one is Book of Mormon Stories. Mama used to play it for me a few times a day when I was little because it was my favorite but then I learned Be Still My Soul when I joined the choir. Maggie's favorite has always been Love One Another. Daddy's favorite isn't in the Church Hymnal. It's in the Methodist Hymnal. It's Amazing Grace. My favorite one from that hymnal is Nearer My G-d to Thee.
I think the snowman song was always Shawn's favorite. Jenny liked the popcorn song. They both liked the fun wiggle songs. Jenny always made us sing it with her in the car.
The boy heard me practicing and asked if I knew any other music. I have a book of Disney songs, Chopin's Nocturnes, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Avril Lavinge and some other stuff somewhere in my room. I plan to drag them out to practice tomorrow.
After the meeting Mr. Hovarth and Maggie joined the rest of his people looking for the girl. Her name is Sophia. Mrs. Carol showed me a picture of her holding a book bag in front of a blue car. She was all dressed up for her first day of fourth grade. She was thin and blond and had a forced looking smile that didn't seem to meet her eyes. It was almost grim.
Mrs. Grimes went back in to sit with Carl. Carl seems to be doing a bit better today. His fever broke a couple of hours ago. Well, it's getting dark.
Monday, October 10th
I think that I'm going to stick around the house more. It's really weird having so many people around. The little boy is doing better. He is still week, but he is sitting up and was doing a word find out of an old coloring and activity book Mama had in the basket of toys she kept from when I was younger.
I found my music books and entertained him for a while with the Disney songs and a couple of parts from Star Wars and The Harry Potter Theme. I also fiddled around with Maggie's guitar for a little while on the porch where it was cooler until Officer Walsh started hanging about. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't been so creepy with his staring at me the whole time.
Some of the people are a bit rough. One of them seems to keep to himself, or maybe, they keep away from him. His camp site is very clean and organized. He has a clothesline and he also has string around it on garden stakes about a foot off the ground with noise makers. He has rabbit and squirrel skins stretching on willow whoops propped up against the trees a few yards from his camp with the same strings and dangling cans in a square around them. His tent is old and faded, and you can see where it's been patched a few times. He's spent most of the time in the woods searching for the girl so I've only had a few glimpses of him. He looked real dirty when I saw him. I may offer him the use of our tub and some soap.
The older guy is very nice, he reminds me of my Pop Pop. Pop Pop died when I was 12. He always told the best stories. Mr. Horvath told me all about what he did before he retired. He had an auto shop. He actually made it sound interesting. Not interesting enough that I'm gonna try to fix any engines. It was mostly about people. He is genuinely interested in people. You don't see a lot of people like that.
Also, they were asking if there was anyplace they could dump the black water out of their camper. Black water is sewage I have learned. They're about full, and if they can't dump it somewhere they would like to use our toilet. The closest camp ground with those kinds of facilities was taken over by FEMA and is completely overrun with the ill. Daddy revisited my request for an illegal outhouse. I know that to stop hauling flush water for the family would have been childish, but there is a difference between hauling water for 6 people to flush with and 16. I respectfully told Daddy "with all due respect" that I refuse to do it. Yolk or not. Daddy was a bit more understanding than last time. Mostly, because he doesn't want strangers traipsing all over the house.
On another note, we had a rummy tournament for Family Home Evening and I beat Maggie by 255 points.
Tuesday, October 11th
I made bread today, I actually made a bit more than usual. I also made doughnuts. You see, Officer Walsh and Officer Grimes were talking about foods that they miss and I overheard him say that he would do just about anything for a doughnut. I decided to walk up to him and offer him a deal. I said if he could get me a pack of colored jell pens that I would make him a dozen doughnuts. That's why this entry is such a nice brilliant blue. Tomorrow will be red or purple. I haven't decided yet. I also made doughnuts for our "visitors" and for us.
Daddy decided that Carl is well enough to rejoin his Mama and Daddy in their tent. I think they are relieved. I also think Carl is glad to be allowed outside now, he was starting to get cranky about being cooped up. He is still a bit achey but he should be fine as long as he takes it easy for awhile.
Daddy told them that they may use one of the southern fields to camp. There was an old well that is sometimes used for irrigation. He was going to let them use it for water, but there was an ill person in it. They almost got him out but he fell apart. I wasn't there but Maggie was and boy was she mad too. She told me all about it while we washed dishes this evening. They had lowered the guy she likes into it to put a harness on the man in the well but he broke into pieces. They used a pool skimmer Mr. Hovarth had on his RV to get the chunks out of the water but no one should drink it ever, even though they poured enough chlorine in it to cause an ecological event. They are going to use the pump at the house for water instead.
They are building two outhouses. One is for the men and the other for the women. Maggie says they already have the girls one finished, and the boys is almost done. They even set up a little bath house with a tub like what we have in the stable.
Something seems to be bothering Maggie. She seemed so happy to be going to town with Glenn, almost like a date, but she and Mrs. Grimes had some words when they got back. I think it must have been about them dangling Glenn "like a worm on a hook". All I know for sure is that she suddenly doesn't like Mrs. Grimes at all. Maggie usually likes everyone and is all about second chances so I'm willing to bet it's something major.
I have to be up early in the morning so I can get the clothesline before those people have it covered in stuff. Every morning someone has something on it. I may need to assign a schedule for it.
Wednesday, October 12th
Well, I asserted my right to the clothesline on Wednesdays, but I think I've also irritated the whole bunch of them. I understand that they have no place of their own, but they can use it 6 other days if they wish. They can even put up their own. They have rope. That rough looking guy with the crossbow has a clothesline, I don't see why they can't use his if they must wash on Wednesday.
Daddy and Officer Grimes are not getting along too well either, because Officer Grimes insists that the ill should be "dealt with", by which he means "put down". How an officer of the law can advocate euphonizing people I don't know. I hope that they never find out about Mama, Shawn, Jenny and the rest of the people in the barn. I don't like to think about the fuss that would cause. I'm real glad Daddy has asked them to keep to the south field and only come to the yard for water.
Daddy isn't getting along with Officer Walsh either. Officer Walsh wants to practice shooting but Daddy doesn't want to attract a large group of sick people, especially after what the soldier from the National Guard told him. Office Walsh also wants to stop looking for the little girl. That's why most of his own group is irritated with him too.
On another note, that guy who is always by himself, well I'm not pleased. He took off with Nellie. I saw Moonbeam wandering about the yard looking kind of lost. Nellie wandered back an hour or so latter, all swollen up. It was bad enough that Moonbeam had a hard time latching on. I had to get Jimmy to run the generator for about 10 minutes so I could hook her up to the milker in the cow barn. She did not like that at all, but it did loosen things up enough for Moonbeam to latch on. I hope she doesn't get mastitis.
She was also sweaty and covered in dried mud. Grooming her and cleaning her tack took most of the afternoon. As a matter of fact, I had just finished putting the saddle soap and leather supplies away when I heard a shot go off. Mr. Congeniality had come back stumbling, covered in mud and blood and sweat and other things I don't want to even think about. Needless to say, he was mistaken for the ill and was almost killed due to their haste to be rid of the ill by such gruesome means.
The guy who took her isn't too bright. Or maybe he's a genius. I don't know what to call it if you can get Nellie to throw you off. He even managed to shoot himself with his own crossbow. Then someone in his own group tried to shoot him and grazed his head. They brought him into Daddy because between a concussion from getting thrown, blood loss from the arrow and shock from the graze to the head, they were worried he would be a goner. He is either very cursed or very blessed. Daddy, Officer Grimes and Mr. Rhee got him all cleaned up and put into some of Shawn's pajamas.
He is a pain in the butt for me, between Moonbeam and Nellie, and the giant trail of mud and blood that went all the way up the stairs and into Shawn's room and Shawn's bed, not to mention he was a condescending jerk when I brought him dinner. It took 3 trips to the pump (would have been 6 trips without the yolk) to clean up all the mess. I have the sheets, pad and pillowcase and sham soaking.
Okay, I've been very negative and I shouldn't go to bed angry. I can think of two positives. Although I spent most of the afternoon and this evening cleaning up his many messes, and have to do an extra load of sheets tomorrow from bleeding everywhere and in the bed when getting stitched up I can truly say that when he isn't talking and is clean, he's nice to look at for an old guy. He has nice arms. I can recognize a nice set of arms. I wouldn't date him, he's old. As I said, when his mouth is shut.
He keeps his part of their camp tidy.
Thursday, October 13th
Daddy is very concerned about those people being here. They had Jimmy out looking for their little girl, which is fine I guess, but Daddy didn't know where he was and became very concerned. He had said he would finish baling the south field and start on the east field. Daddy asked Officer Grimes if he had seen Jimmy and he had. He said he was out with the search party. Daddy ended up doing the rest of todays baling they had planned.
I got the linens cleaned. Andrea, the one with the blond hair was kinda irritated when I used one of the lines to dry sheets and stuff. I was kind of irritated too and told her that if she hadn't been so eager to shoot at sick people maybe Mr. Dixon wouldn't have bled on everything. I could have been kinder. She has lost her sister and her home. I've been so blessed through all this.
I don't know much about her except she can sure fish, and that she can't shoot well. Thank Goodness. She caught a bunch and Pattie is cooking some for dinner tonight. She brought us fish so I guess she means well and is generous.
Daddy said Mr. Dixon will be leaving in the morning as long as he doesn't show any signs of infection. I think he gets bored easily so I think he will be glad to go. I brought him a stack of books. He likes the science fiction ones, I think. I saw him reading "The Rolling Stones". I do have to say, he is very creative at cussing.
Friday, October 14th
Well, I made a lot of headway with my studies and finished a pair of socks while I was at the tree house today. I like being at the tree house. It's the only place outside the barn where Jimmy and Officer Walsh don't pop up. Every time I go out to wash laundry Officer Walsh stares at me like he never saw someone wash clothes before. When I'm hauling water he walks real close but never offers to carry it like a gentleman. When Glenn or Mr. Dixon happen upon me carrying water they always offer to help. Nope, he just stares.
Daddy and Jimmy finished baling hay and I'm glad because it's getting cooler in the evenings. I'm going to make cocoa to go with the pound cake. I better go get dinner started since it's my turn.
Saturday, October 15th
Well, after dinner last night Maggie told me everything going on in their camp. For one thing, Lorie is pregnant, and 'parently it's not likely Officer Grimes'. She said Mrs. Grimes actually tried to kill her baby to keep everything quiet but couldn't follow through with it. Also, they don't think the little girl is going to be found. The only one still looking is Mr. Daryl and her Mama. The most important thing is that Glenn knows about the barn. He promised Maggie that he won't tell anyone though.
Oh and about helping themselves, their women want to take over the kitchen to "thank" us. Didn't see anyone offering to help me clean all the mud they tracked in but they want to mess up the kitchen. Run the baler? Nope. "Barrow" a horse and leave the stable door open and the fence too? Sure thing. Oh and by the way, my name ain't Blondie or girl either. And if I see Officer Walsh staring at me again I swear I'm gunna throw a tantrum like I'm three again, and yell the whole house down.
Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday, blessed Sabbath, day of rest. Good night.
Sunday, October 16th
Well, I've never before realized how much I have taken meeting reverence for granted. Sure, church meetings can get a little loud sometimes, babies fuss a bit, people whisper to each other occasionally. People are people. I get it. It's also the only day I get to sleep in. Our little meetings at home are nice and quiet. I never have to speak in front of a lot of people.
Today Daddy talked about personal revelation and how G-d loves his children and wants us to know that. We can receive revelation through study and prayer. He talked about how G-d has a still small voice and we have to listen carefully in our hearts, that it is usually not what when or how we expect.
I played the piano for a while and noticed Carl and Mr. Daryl listening from the porch. When I invited them in Carl came in but Mr. Daryl had to go take care of things.
Carl was real curious about the piano so I showed him the basic hand position, and the names of the keys. Basically, lesson 1. I dug out the book Mama always used for her beginning students and he figured out the first 3 songs quickly. I told him that if his Mama is Ok with it he can come in the afternoons and I'll keep teaching him.
Monday, October 17
Mama, Shawn, Jenny, and all of them are gone.
Tuesday, October 18
Wednesday, October 19
Thursday, October 20th
I don't know what else to do. Maggie, you are so much stronger than me. Daddy, I love you. I'm so sorry.
Friday, October 21st
Saturday, October 22nd
I got out of bed today. Maggie and Patty hauled water and I watched them do the laundry. I can't. My beautiful journal that I accidentally stole is so full of ugliness. That's what I get for steeling. I just can't.
Sunday, October 23rd
Daddy says that writing about things can help you get things off your chest without having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings.
Monday, October 24th
So, I don't know what to write. The people I love most except for Maggie and Daddy are in the arms of Jesus. That sounds nice like that. They went where I can't go. I know, I tried. That was stupid. I know it. Daddy went through 3 packs of sutures and Maggie gave me blood. That's why Maggie and Patty did laundry the other day. I'm not allowed to do anything that could mess up my stitches. I can't be alone either. I've been on suicide watch for 4 days now. Maggie won't even let me go to the bathroom by myself. Can you say AWKWARD.
Maggie's talking to Glenn again. I don't know why. I guess she is better at forgiveness than me. None of us are doing too good to be honest.
Daddy was gone drinking for a while, I can't be too harsh. Look what I did. I will always have the scar. At least Daddy and Maggie keep trying to go through the motions. I can't even manage that. Can't do anything.
Tuesday, October 25
I've got to pull myself together. What happened. Glenn told everyone in his group about the ill people in the barn. Officer Walsh took it upon himself to open the barn up and euphonize everyone in there and then the rest of his group joined him. I heard the shooting and went to see what was going on. Mama was laying dead on the ground but she wasn't. She grabbed me and instead of making her let go they shot her. They shot her while I screamed. The gunshots were so close my ears rang for hours after. Her blood, pieces splattered
he stood there prancing around like he was something yelling how right he is
Writing is supposed to make it better. IT'S NOT BETTER! THEY SHOULD LEAVE IT'S NOT BETTER! IT WILL NEVER BE BETTER
the little girl came out and her own mother pointed a gun at her, her own mother! How can she call herself a mother. Then that other sheriff shot her instead. She didn't get a chance. None of them got a chance.
I think it was Patti and Maggie who led me back to the house to get cleaned up. Daddy was beside himself as well. I don't know how he managed. Mr. Hovart kept his people from further desecrating the bodies. He arranged proper burials.
Wednesday, October 26th
I'm out watching Patti and Maggie do laundry. I still can't scrub but I can carry water. I can hang the laundry up and fold it after taking it down. I can sweep and roll the carpet sweeper. I can cook and stay busy. I will go through the motions.
The problem is that the motions aren't doing it for me. I clean and cook and cook and clean and sleep and since I am constantly watched by Maggie and Patty now I eat more. I didn't realize how much I haven't been eating lately. I thought all the keeping busy was just making me trim down a little. I guess Patty noticed how lose my clothes were. Maggie and Patti compared notes. I thought they were over reacting with all that's going on lately. Maggie made me get on a scale. I've always been thin but not like this. I lost twenty pounds. I tried to deny it. I showed Maggie my measurements that Mama did when I made that dress at the beginning of summer. She insisted on re-measuring me with Patty's help. So I'm eating. Not that I feel particularly hungry, but I feel kind of numb. I'm not really sad. I don't even feel really angry. I know I should feel angry, or sad, or something but all I really feel is tired. So I'm going through motions.
Patty made me a buttery pound cake. It's still pretty warm and has whipped cream and currant preserves on it. Maggie said I have to eat everything she puts in front of me before I can get up. Said she'll tie me up if I try to avoid finishing, problem is that I've been skipping so often that I think my stomach has shrunk. I used to be able to pile away twice what she put on my plate this evening. Now I'm so full that I think that if I do manage to finish it, as lovely and good as it tastes, I'm going to see it again unpleasantly. So I'm going through the motions and nibbling a bit at a time while I write.
My wrists ache and itch. I tried to do some mending last night but after only an hour it hurt too much. Daddy is worried that I may have messed up the tendons but it's just the muscle, I think.
I suppose I should say something about the service we had for Mama, Shawn and Jennie and the little girl, Sophia. Daddy, Maggie, Mr. Dixon, Glenn, Mr. Hovarth and Sherrif Grimes spent the morning digging the graves. Ms. Carol disappeared and I think someone must have kept that other Sherrif Deputy away. Or maybe he has the ability to feel shame after all. Some of the ladies wrapped the bodies in sheets and after Daddy consecrated the graves they were laid to rest. Daddy said something but he muttered too soft for me to hear it over Maggie's and my own tears.
After everyone from the caravan left Patty and Jimmy led Maggie and I away so that my father could have some privacy. He used the opportunity to go on the only bender he's been on since he met my mother. Well, Noah was a winebibber. He was a prophet. He was also a human. I guess I have always put Daddy on a pedestal, but he is human too. I guess I never stopped to look at it before, but as much as I love and respect my Daddy I have to remember that he is human and not think less of him for it. I am monumentally stupid too at times. Jonah was a prophet and very human too. He tried to avoid helping the people of Ninevah simply because he didn't like them. The whole time he was crying repentance he was hoping they would keep being wicked. Then when they repented he was disappointed that he didn't get to sit back and watch them get destroyed.
I think my hand is starting to cramp, and I finally finished the yummy cake and I think it just might stay down.
Thursday, October 27th
Maggie wants me to keep a food journal and she will let up on me a bit. I lost my cake halfway up the stairs. Daddy heard me and thought I was sick until I told him I had just over eaten. This brought on having to explain, and Maggie, and Pattie heard the commotion so they had to put their two cents worth in so Daddy told them that I should increase my eating gradually not all at once. I'm not keeping it here. This is not for Maggie to go digging about in. My food log is in a steno pad I found in the junk drawer in the kitchen.
Today I ironed. I cleaned. I went for a walk with Jimmy. He has really matured over the last several weeks. Otis would be so proud of him. Instead of yacking my ears off he was just there. I guess he has had practice grieving recently and so he knew what I needed.
Jimmy did have a lot of information about what's been going on in the camp. When Daddy went on his bender he brought back a complication. I don't know how I managed to be so oblivious but apparently there's a guy from Maggie's high school class in the shed. Not Ill. Perfectly healthy except for his leg, which is on the mend. The problem is that he was with some people who have been taking advantage of the current situation to do some really bad stuff. Everyone is worried that he will bring those people here if we let him go, so he is kind of under a citizens arrest. I think Daddy intends to turn him over to the authorities when this is over.
Officer Walsh is crazy I think because he keeps talking about killing him. He is really starting to scare me. He seems to take killing so lightly. That, and the way he keeps skulking around watching me. I know it sounds paranoid. But he always seems to be watching me. I don't think it's just concern. Jimmy just thinks he is nosey, but has promised to come with me when I'm out of the house anyway. He said even if Officer Walsh is on the up and up, with the Ill popping up at unexpected times everyone should be using the buddy system.
I tried to play the piano today. Daddy said it's ok but not to overdo it. I played Hot Cross Buns, Mary Had a Little Lamb, Come Unto Jesus and November Rain. That was enough to make my wrists hurt from the middle of my hand to almost my elbows. I should probably just play a little every day so my wrists can heal better. Maybe showing Carl how will be ok. I will talk to him in the morning.
Friday, October 28th
Part of the motions is studying. I pulled out my books and did 2 pages of math, read chapter of the history book and answered the questions at the end of the chapter, the same with my science book. I also read some more from "How To Win Friends and Influence People". I only have a chapter left, but I've decided to save it for tomorrow.
I'm making 2 new goals. I think I did ok with the other goals.
S.) Specific, yes. I'm going to get to know the people in the caravan better. I'm going to spend more time talking to them and learn about how they were before all this.
M.) Measurable, yes. I will make it measurable by writing something specific about each of them. One each day until there is something about all of them.
A.) Attainable, yes, but it will require me to take a pretty big leap out of my comfort zone.
R.) Relevant, yes. We are probably going to be in close proximity for the foreseeable future. It will be easier to relate and understand them if I know them well enough to anticipate their wants, needs, and what motivates them.
T.) Time: Two weeks should be enough since there are so many of them.
My other goal is a bit more personal. I'm going to start yoga again. I'm going to master every pose in the dang book. There are 163 poses plus variations. I counted. That makes 349 if you call each variation a pose. This isn't going to be a smart goal. I don't know how long it will take. I'm clutzy, so instead of a time limit, I'm going to use the time for time spent in a pose.
S.) Specific. I'm going to learn all the yoga poses in my book.
M.) Measurable, yes. There are 349. I will work on 3 at a time and check them off in the upper right corner of the page. When I master 1 I will select another to replace it. I will keep a list to keep track of and on Saturdays I will review all I have learned so I don't forget.
A.) Attainable, yes, but it's going to take a while. Probably a year or two.
R.) Relevant, yes. Although I am trying to gain back my weight, I want to make sure I'm gaining muscle instead of just fat.
T.) Ok, so instead of a time limit to finish, I am not going to consider a pose mastered until I can hold the pose for 10-15 minutes without wobbling or falling or hurting.
Saturday, October 29th
I started today with downward dog, and two planks. One plank is with my elbows straight, both sets of toes on the floor. The other is sideways with my legs together and my down facing elbow straight and my top arm laying on my side. The downward dog lasted 30 seconds. The first plank lasted almost 10 seconds the first time 5 seconds the second time and 3 seconds the third time. The side planks lasted between 4-5 seconds each time. My wrists hurt. I was looking through the yoga book and found planks where you put your weight on your elbows and forearms. I thought it would be easy, but now that I've tied it I have decided that they are pretty hard. I will keep doing them that way though because they don't hurt my wrists. Often times the hard way is the better way.
It hurts enough that when Carl asked me about letting him learn more piano I had him play all the songs I had already taught him to see if he remembered instead of showing him anything new. He did a great job. I told him we could start new stuff on Monday.
I did learn a few things about him while we talked. He is in 5th grade and is 10 years old. His mom has been making him do his schoolwork. She was picking him up from school when they got caught up in the mess and while they did go home, in the chaos his backpack was left in the car, so it was with them when they went to the refugee center. He likes dinosaurs and NASCAR. His favorite time is when he is with his dad "doing stuff". He doesn't really like reading with his mom because all they have are the books Carol brought for Sophia and they are "girly". He really wants to learn to shoot but his mom says no. He spends way too much time wandering about the farm unsupervised. After seeing what the Ill can do to someone I'm amazed that Lorrie ever lets him out of her sight. He is very curious about everything and worships hid dad. He manages to have a positive attitude and thinks this is the longest camping trip he has ever been on. He also thinks that the outhouse is stinky and not as nice as the ones at Camp Chickahominy.
Sunday, October 30th
Mr. Hovarth was injured real bad by one of the ill last night. There was a memorial service for him early this morning. He was always worried about doing the right thing and was at odds with his group much of the time. His people put him down because they are positive that there is no cure and dead is better than being ill. I don't know if I agree with that.
Today Maggie talked about how Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego did what was right instead of what was easy. In this case, going with the crowd. Even though the penalty was death, they were willing to stand up for what they knew was right. When they were tossed in the fire G-d sent angels to protect them.
She also talked about Alma the Younger and his friends, and Daniel, and Jacob. I suppose the scriptures are full of stories with that general theme. When G-d repeats himself, it's usually important. People don't seem to get it I guess. I think most of the really stupid things I've done was because I wanted an easy way or wanted to fit in.
Everybody screws up like that it seems. That guy in the shed did some really horrible things trying to fit in with the group he was with. Going along can be a good thing if you are hanging out with people who are doing good things, like trash pickup at the park on Audubon Day, or fundraising for a good cause, or things like that. The problems come when it becomes a habit and you quit thinking, or when you are more worried about what the people you are with will think instead of what G-d will think.
I played Dare to Do Right and Choose the Right. I only played the melody but my wrists still got sore. I'm glad they are not as sore as they were yesterday. Patty played I Need The Every Hour with all of the accompaniments. It was so beautiful.
I found a box of books in Shawn's room. Mostly Hardy Boys, Magic Tree House and some Rush Revere history stories. I think that I will let Carl pick one out in the morning. He might like them more than he liked The Babysitters Club.
It's starting to get dark and light attracts the Ill so I'm going to blow out the candle. Good Night.
Monday, October 31st
I finished reading How to Win Friends and Influence People and wrote my summary for Daddy. I started a new unit in math and will be finished with A Short History of the American People tomorrow probably.
I decided to make a layette for Laurie's baby. We have no way to figure out if it's a boy or a girl, except for the wedding ring on a string trick so I'm making it gender neutral. I found some pale green and pastel yellow skeins of yarn that will look lovely together. Patty is teaching me two new stitches and how to follow a crocheting pattern.
I also delved down into the root cellar and found the baby clothes. I can't believe Mama kept all the cloth diapers and rubber pants, but she never would toss anything that could be useful. They were folded neatly in the diaper bucket. I wouldn't have recognized it myself but Maggie was with me and pointed it out. Somehow Maggie remembered it. Apparently she used to change her baby doll Annie when Mama changed me. I didn't realize Maggie even had her anymore, but she has been in the closet for years.
Anyway, I pulled out some onesies, and a few basic outfits, just in case they are still here in March. I talked with Laurie a lot this morning. That's how I learned that the baby is due then. She is plenty scared. Apparently, Carl was born two weeks late by c-section. Her doctors tried to induce labor but even the medications and breaking her water didn't get her started. If the government doesn't get this mess straightened out she doesn't know what she will do.
I think that the longer it takes the less likely it is that things are going to get back to normal. I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but as far as I piece things together most people in the towns and cities are either Ill, dead, living as refugees in camps, or wandering in groups. There are no broadcasts of any kind coming in. The military has mobile radio towers so there should be something. I wish I could make a crystal radio. Shawn got one for Christmas one year and he could pick up stations in China and Europe. He even listened to ham operators around the country.
I really want to go see Old Man Jim. For one thing, a few jars of moonshine would not go amiss for sterilizing things, and I wanted to ask him about a few things he mentioned in the red notebook about juniper berries and elder berry tonics for colds and flu. I was also interested in setting up the small still I found in the cellar when I was looking for the baby stuff. Not the 50 gallon one he took with him but a 10 gallon that was in a big crate with the worm nestled inside. I need alcohol to make vinegar and I was hoping he might be able to give me some mother. Mother is a lump of bacteria that floats on top of a batch of alcoholic beverage like wine or cider. It eventually forms a kind of skin on top and converts the alcohol into vinegar. The vinegar sinks to the bottom for you to siphon out, while the alcohol stays on top. We have been using the vinegar to clean with and at the rate we are going we will run out in another week.
I also want to talk to James Haywood about how to set up a ham radio or something so the farms can keep in touch a little. I'm also worried, especially after hearing about what that Randal guy and his group were up to. If they found the Haywood farm there could be nothing left.
On another note, I had a heart to heart with Carol. She was looking really down. She misses Sophia a lot. It reminded me of something Mama said to me once. "Children without parents are called orphans, but there is no word for a parent without a child because it's too awful to put a name to." She talked about her life and I just sat and listened.
She already had a hard life before all this started. Her father was kind of like Daddy's father. Apparently he would beat her mother and her and her sister. She always promised herself that she would do better than that, but instead she had Ed. She told me he was so charming in High School. He came from a nice family. They were well connected in the town she lived in. He was on the varsity baseball team and had a nice car and had good grades. She was so flattered that he would even look twice at her. He would bring her flowers and take her out to movies and restaurants.
She talked about how it was a slow slide down. It started with complements. He would tell her how pretty her hair was. And over time the "if's" started. "Your hair is so pretty, it would be even prettier if would put it in braids more often. Eventually he would be irritated when she wore it down. He claimed seeing her hair down was just for him. Her mother thought it was so nice how he would bring her metal hairclips and fancy hairpins and combs to put her hair up with.
He loved everything she cooked for a while. Soon after they were married he still loved everything she made, except. Except it's too seasoned. Except it's to band. It's over done. It's not done enough.
When she dressed up for him she was trying to attract other men. He hated her perfume. What happened to the one she used to wear before they were married. It was the same one. Slowly nothing she did was ever right. Then he would spend the evening after work at the bar with his friends from work.
He worked at his dads hardware store in the office doing book keeping and payroll. His accounting degree set him up to be able to take over when his father retired. About the same time Carol got pregnant and the drinking and the everyday problems and stress of running the store made everything spiral. She would do something wrong, He would lose his temper. He was under a lot of stress. He didn't mean it. It was just a little slap. No big deal. Until it wasn't. Her mother thought everything was OK. His mother thought he was the model son. Being so big has her clumsy. She didn't want to admit anything was wrong so she would complain that she was "just a clutz lately.", "This pregnancy just has me bruising easily,…" She figured that when the baby was born it would get better. Apparently it only got worse. She cut her hair "so the baby wouldn't tangle her fingers in it. It was really so that Ed couldn't grab it and use it to fling her against the wall. She wore long sleeves in the summer, so she wouldn't sunburn, "because you know I sunburn so easily." She was proud though. She managed to make sure he never beat on Sophia. She was proud of that. I feel bad for her but I think I understand why she didn't seem upset about her husband dying, and why she was too upset for Sophia's funeral.
Sophia was her life's focus. Her whole life revolved around her daughter, and now she is gone. She feels that she has lost her purpose. I wish I knew what to do to help her.
Tuesday, November 1st
Well I broached the subject of visiting the Haywood's with Daddy and he said Yes! Maggie, Jimmy and I are going to go tomorrow morning. Glen is coming too. We are going to take the pickup truck and Patty is sending pickles and preserves. I think she wants a pumpkin from Old Man Jim so that she can make pies for thanks giving. Since his farm is across the road from the Haywood's farm a quick stop in will be a piece of cake. I think Daddy has been worried about them too. He said to invite them over for Thanksgiving. I've been feeling unsettled the last few days and I feel like this is important. That is why I did the laundry today instead of helping Maggie and Pattie with the baking.
I did my homework inside today because it was getting a bit chilly outside. I already talked with Daddy and Pattie about how I'm going to dry the laundry when it gets colder. Daddy pointed out some eye bolts stuck into the masonry of the basement and told me that his mother used to dry the laundry down there. I think it will work. There is a Franklin stove down there that I am sure will keep it warm enough. I can probably do the scrubbing there too. The door to outside is like a stone ramp cut into the dirt so carrying the water will be easy enough. There is plenty of room for the wash tubs too.
I'm all ready for tomorrow, I have my clothes laid out and food ready for a pick nick style lunch. I also have my red notebook and a few jell pens so I can write any important things down. I even put The Outline of History vol. 1 in my bag. Just in case I get bored. I don't think I will get bored though. It's only a 20 minute drive.
Wednesday, November 2nd
Well. I better start from the beginning. We left at 8:30 because it's rude to arrive at some ones home unannounced before 9 am. It was actually a bit warmer than the last few days had been. I spent the whole trip to the Haywood Farm soaking in the familiar scenery. I have been really isolated lately. I don't think that I have ever spent so much time at home without going anywhere.
Maggie and Mrs. Haywood spent most of the morning exchanging news. Jimmy and James and the other Haywood boys played video games for a little bit and they showed Jimmy and I around the farm. Prissy came too and brought one of her dolls along. They have reinforced all of their fences. They have been busy boys. They stole enough Jersey wall to make a double row around their entire farm. The space between the two rows of jersey wall they filled with concrete and embedded tall posts for a double layer of chain link fencing. Of course there are 7 of them, plus Sissy and their parents. Hank, James, Steve and Dan were real proud of it and I have to say it's real impressive. Steve and Dan are very into the idea of digging pits for the ill to fall into, but, Jamie and Hank said that the ill generally wander off if you keep out of sight and don't make noise so why bother. We almost didn't recognize the farm when we got there because of the fence. They told us all about the gates that Dave and Paul have been welding together and took us to see them. There are 2 sets of gates. One for each row of fence. They are made of rebar welded into a lattice. They almost look decorative because over the lattice they made curly q vines and leaves out of pieces of scrap. They are as tall as the fence so about, 15 feet? And about 6 feet wide. They are on wheels to roll because they are so heavy. They are going to install them in a few more days. They poured a concrete pad for them and it's about done curing. For now they just have a livestock gate and the cattle guards. The ill have a hard time with cattle guards and end up falling.
The Haywoods were not so much into protecting the ill as keeping them out. They aren't outright murderous like the people staying on our farm but they aren't so nice about it either. Considering resent events and after talking to Old Man Jim I think the Haywood may be on the correct path, I hate to say.
James and I talked about setting up ham radios. He thinks it's a good idea and said he would talk to Pete about getting some things from the electronics store in Peachtree next time they leave the farm. He says it would be worth the trouble to get to talk to me. I think he was flirting and I will admit that I flirted back a bit. He's not a bad looking guy. He has these real short ringlets and I wanted to pull them, just to watch them spring back, but I didn't want to be rude or scare him off. He is the only boy who seems interested that's not related. Anyway, when he gets the radios figured out he will bring one to the farm for me…and maybe we can see what happens.
I got to see Old Man Jim. He has never heard tell of someone wasting good moonshine to make vinegar and was absolutely aghast at the whole idea of it. Instead he told me to make fruit wine and put the instructions down in my red notebook. He said not to waste time on it now though. "Y'aint gunna have time fer'it t' ferment anyway, let t'alone fer now. Merle'll give y' a hand when the time's right." I guess he thinks I'm going to be pretty busy but I don't see how it can be very time consuming. I just have to mash some apples, peaches and berries, add a bit of yeast and wait. How can I not have time to sit and wait.
He did show me the still and showed me all the moonshine he's made. He even had Peach Liquor and Pumpkin Spice Shine. As good as it all smelled I wasn't going to try it. He insisted that someday I would change my mind, but it wouldn't be near as good. I did take the jug of homemade Laudanum. I have no idea how I could ever use an entire gallon of the stuff, but you never know. I suppose it won't hurt to put some in a flask for my emergency kit.
He seemed a bit anxious when Maggie came to fetch me. He was very insistent that I keep my 72 hour kit in reach at all times. Even if it's a bother take it with me, whether I'm feeding the horses, mending, getting water or sleeping. After what the Haywood boys and Sissy have said I think I had better.
My flashlight is going to die if I don't stop now, so I'm going to pack everything into my bag. Good night.