For the disclaimer see the Authors Note at the beginning of Chapter 1
The Journals Of Elizabeth Anne Green
Chapter 9
Friday December 14th
I've got a new book t'study since I finished all the quizzes in the Earth Science book. It's much more mundane, but probably, hopefully, use-full in the future. It's called "Soil Biology and Health." It's boring and interesting at the same time. It's also the only book available about any kind'o biology. According to the table of contents I'll get to read about soil composition, decomposition, soil chemistry, compost, soil fermentation, bacteria, nematodes, worms, grubs, insects, till and no till...anyway. Who knew there was so much t'know 'bout dirt. Kinda brings new meaning to the phrase "you don't know dirt".
The kids are 'bout halfway through "A Christmas Carrol". It's actually pretty short. It's better entertainment than I've had in a while. The adults who have had good enough timing, have found it interestin enough to stay and listen 'til the kids finish their chapters. Lori has been here for it all week. They should finish it tomorrow.
I talked to Mrs. Haywood, Carrol and Lori about Christmas and we are goin t'just make ponchos for the kids. We are also going to do a small Christmas pageant. Prissy's doll Lydia will proly be Jesus, and Prissy will proly be Mary because it's her doll. Other'n that, I don't know who's goin t'get which part. Mrs. Haywood would like us to do it in the main barn. She wants to film it on her old video camera and wants all the animals in it.
I finished tyin the quilt. I have the binding basted on, and I'll hopefully be finished tomorrow. It has turned out so well. I wish Mama could see it. I think she'd be pleased.
Maggie is being annoying. She is calling me Ma'am every time she sees me. I thought no one had seen that exchange but Daddy, but it was out in the yard, outside the old horse barn we've been stayin in, so I suppose it was kind of public. I just don't see the big deal. He was just being polite and trying not to get Daddy's back up. He seemed pretty horrified about the conclusions Daddy jumped to. I was too I suppose, just for different reasons.
If I was going to have a crush on some one it would probably be Hank or Pete. Maybe even Paul, although he's Maggies age.
I'm pretty sure I've burnt the romance bridge to a crisp with James and I'm still not sorry. I'm sorry his feelings were hurt, but we had almost reached the normalcy of plutonic friendship again and then this.
If Hank didn't have a girlfriend waiting for him, I'd probably be interested. He's not too scrawny, clean cut, and looks nice in a suit, even if it is western style. I like his taste in music and he's easy to get along with when he isn't being a jerk and worried that I have a weird fetish for older men. Maybe that's why he didn't want me hanging out while he works on the tractor. Maybe he's worried that I'm starting to like him or that I'm gonna hit on him or something.
Pete is flirty as a fact of personality and I can't take anything anything he says seriously. He even flirts with Carrol and Lori. Nothing too overt or inappropriate, he just clowns around. I think it's how he's been covering up his anxiety over all that's been happening. He's actually very perceptive of the moods of those around him and I think he flirts as a way to raise peoples moral. Kind of the opposite of Paul.
Paul is clearly depressed and feeling isolated. He and Glenn seem to be getting along really well though and he seems to have lightened up a lot. Gertie had a crush on him in Middle school, of course she had a crush on half the guys in the county at one point or another. He is kind of hot, definitely Eye Candy. If he showed the slightest interest I think I might even encourage him, if Daddy didn't object. Maybe if I show a little interest people will forget about the whole Ma'am thing.
People are stupid. Or maybe I'm stupid. I don't know. I'm going to bed.
Saturday December 15th
Today I sulked. I'll admit it. I woke up with a bad attitude and I probably could have done something about it, but I really didn't care to. I was as gloomy as the weather outside. I stayed in my stall and studied on my own and learned about different kinds of soil layers. I read about the events leading up to the War Between The States and the race for statehood with Missouri and Arkansas. I sewed the quilt binding, tidied up when my fingers got tired, and then sewed some more. I worked on handkerchiefs after I finished the quilt. I ate dried apples, raisins, a chocolate bar and jerky. I drank from my canteen of water.
I had a very productive day all told, 'til Maggie stopped by worried about me not eating. I shook my bag of dried fruit at her and told her to go away. She decided I needed a lecture about how disappointed Mama would be about me "mooning about over someone entirely inappropriate" and I ignored her. Maggie doesn't listen when she gets an idea in her head, so explaining myself to her is useless. I've tried that several times and she won't stop bugging me about it. It's pointless to bother. She finally left, calling me disrespectful. How about how disrespectful it is for her to say I have a crush or something to people and lecture me about it without even listening to me.
Tomorrow I will have a better attitude. Tomorrow. I think I've been very flexible the last few months. I've worked hard, I've stepped up and helped everyone as much as I can. I've watched my mouth and tried to be positive mostly. I will freely admit that I didn't handle how Mama, and Shawn and
Jennie were finally put t'rest very well, but neither did anyone else as I recall. I know that the failure of others is no justification for our own poor behavior, however, today I want to wallow and sulk so I am.
Sunday December 16th
Well, I had a pleasant Sabbath. I sat Daddy down for a chat. He's going to talk to Maggie about always being up in my business.
We had our devotional on the Holy Ghost. It is the still small voice inside us influencing us to do good, the gut feeling a person gets when something just isn't right. On special occasions it speaks to us of warning, it's the glow inside of us that lets us know that G-d is with us. I think it's the feeling I kept having that Mama and Shawn and Jennie were more bad off than just sick. It's the unsettled feeling that something is going to happen. I just don't know what.
Dinner was chicken'n'dumplings, the thick kind you drop in with a spoon that look like clouds on top of the soup pot. Mrs Haywood mixes rosemary in hers and they are so fluffy and smell so good. I asked James to pass the salt and he was all "Yes Ma'am". I tried to talk to Paul on my other side and he was all "Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am", like I'm his Mother. At least he's willing to sit near me.
On another note, Maggie and Glenn are going on a run tomorrow. They are going to hit the Jo Anne's up for wrapping paper, party supplies and stuff to make costumes for the shepherds, wise men, angels, Joseph and Mary, and hopefully, stuff for ponchos too.
We seem to have an abundance of hats and mittens. Crochet hooks are easy to whittle, and between Ruby, Prissy and Lori, everyone has hats and mittens. I'm glad that the girls got to learn from Lori. She seemed to enjoy teaching the girls everything she knows, which is beanies and potholder style mittens and scarfs.
Lori started working on a zig zag afghan a few days ago. Mrs. Haywood helped her with the first few rows and its coming along beautifully. She is planning to make a matching layette.
Maggie, Glenn and John brought back a ton of yarn a week or so ago and there was a bunch of pale yellow to light green to white variegated yarn. It's not the cheap acrylic stuff either. It's pure cotton and so soft. Perfect for a little one.
Several people have offered to help but she wants to do it herself. I think it's good for her. I always feel great after I learn something that I can actually use. I think it will do her some good and boost her spirits to master a skill for herself. With everything going on I think she feels kind of aimless.
I heard Lori and Carrol talking about how they have always been city girls and all this stuff going on has left them feeling inadequate. Making all those hats and stuff for everyone with the girls has them feeling like they're contributing something.
I guess they don't realize it, but they have contributed more than hats and mittens. Carrol has helped with patrols and she and T-Dog have gone on several runs including one where they brought back a young bull that was out wandering and had ended up getting chased by about a dozen dead. They rescued it and walked it back by tying it to the bumper of the pickup and driving super slow. It took 30 minutes to get to where they found it and almost 4 hours to get back at cow speed. The Haywood's were excited about it because they usually pay to get their heifers serviced. The bull is very young and hopefully will be able to do the job in a few more months.
Lori knows a ton of party games. A year ago I wouldn't have called that a skill. We have electric here, but its nice to have someone around who can always tell when people are getting antsy and need a diversion. Sometimes an impromptu game of charades or makeshift twister is the perfect thing to help people wind down. Especially in the grey drizzly cold part of the year,
I especially like her version of spin the bottle. No kissing or anything, just a dare or challenge of some sort, or answer a silly question about yourself, or an odd fact that you know. Thats what we played after dinner tonight. Did you know that if you put an octopus in a jar and screw the lid on, it can use the suction cups on its tentacles to unscrew the lid and get out? That's what I learned from spin the bottle.
I've decided on a new Smart Goal. I'm going to try to get Paul to notice me. Not to use him as cover or anything but as a real dating thing. Maybe it will cheer him up. It will maybe give me someone closer to my age to talk to, even if he really is Maggies age. Besides, he's attractive and smart, and I've been reading his Soil Composition textbook so I suppose we have some interests in common.
Monday December 18th
Maggie has been a combination of mourning and bored. I thought Maggie had handled the barn incident better than Daddy and I, except she hasn't. She is just going off the rails differently. Daddy said Maggie has a lot of her mother to her, she was a worrier and a manager. When she feels that she has no control over her situation she tries to take extra firm control over what she thinks she can control to make up for it. Unfortunately its like trying to hold onto water really hard in your fist. It comes out between your fingers and makes a mess. In this case I am her fist full of water. I suppose I should try to figure out a way to have more compassion for her. She's falling apart. Hopefully going "shopping" with Glenn will help her blow off some steam.
I need to talk to her about Paul. They went to school together so I'm sure she knows his likes and interests. I suppose I could ask Prissy or Mrs. Haywood but that would be awkward. You end up married to the people you date. If we were to become a thing and turn out to be compatible they could end up as in laws. Maybe this is a bad idea. Mrs. Haywood will probably not want me too close to any of her sons I think. She's tolerant of Daddy, Maggie and I having differing beliefs because it doesn't effect her or her family directly. I think if I were involved with one of her sons that could change. The same with the Grimes' and Dixon's.
Carl is about Prissy and Ruby's age. Genetically speaking, I wonder if would be more optimal for population growth if Carl and Ruby both married into the Haywoods or if it would be better if Carl and Ruby got married and their children married into the Haywood family for gene diversity. Either way I suppose that in a generation or two our group will still probably devolve into a Hapsburg situation. Also, there are way too many boys. Hopefully this mess isn't going to go on for so long that we end up having to arrange things like a thoroughbred breeding program. I think I think too much. This is ridiculous.
Until she gets back I'm kind of at loose ends.
I have finished all of my old sewing projects, and am working on handkerchiefs to give as gifts for Christmas. There's nothing to mend. I read about sandy, loam, clay and other types of soil classifications. I have read the history book to the turn of the century and women's' suffrage and the very beginning of the prohibitionists movement. I even did 2 extra pages of math. I helped Mrs. Haywood clean house, then I helped Carrol clean barn, and I went to where Henry was working on his tractor and swept and tidied there. After 40 minutes or so of watching me with a look of annoyance he gave me a "With all due respect Ma'am, you probably shouldn't be here. I don't want your sister t'get upset." The other boys are messing with their radio. Their Golden Eagle transmitter is having a vacuum tube issue that they are trying to isolate. Ruby and Prissy were playing barbies. Maybe a few years ago I would have enjoyed doing that with them but I'm just not interested. I found a copy of "Piece of Cake". Its about pilots and airplanes and I know Daddy loves it, but it bored me. I finished the first three chapters hoping it would get better. It didn't. So here I am. I think I will play dumb and ask Paul to explain one of the end of chapter questions in the soil book to me.
Tuesday December 19th
So...Maggie found the cutest baby shower gift bag and it was the perfect size for Peanut's quilt. She and Glenn also brought back candy melts and molds, coloring and activity books, cloth, needles, thread, and tons of other useful stuff. They also got a pattern for a quick and easy hooded poncho that can be folded up to make a small bag. It's a Quick Sew one hour project.
They drove by the farm on the way back and there are a lot less ill than before. Otis' and Patricia's house is in fine shape. It would be hard to defend though, unless we can get some fences up. Otis never kept many animals so he only had fencing around his one pasture. The rest is pretty much open. From what I understand, she and Glenn camped out there last night.
Maggie, Lori and Carrol cut out ponchos. Basically, they made a bunch of 42 inch squares. The ponchos will be 3 layers. The outer layer is canvas that they coated with scotch guard water repellant for cloth. The middle layer is cotton packing blankets and the inner most layer is fleece. We also cut out big hoodie style pockets for the fronts and the hoods, which are shaped kind of like butterflies. Maggie, Carrol, and Lori, will start assembly tomorrow morning.
Mrs. Haywood made stencils of each of the youngers hands and they are using them to cut out as many hands as they can with all of the green construction paper. I don't know what it's all for, but it will probably be kinda cool. She's very creative. Especially at keeping the kids occupied so that she can work on other things.
While they did that, Mrs. Haywood and I worked on the costumes for the Christmas Pageant. We didn't cut anything. We ripped. The wider strips are for the bodies of the robes and the narrower ones will be the sleeves and head wraps. We are sewing continuous laps for the neck holes where they're goin t'have buttons t'hold em closed. It was do that or line them entirely. We will hem, make button holes and sew on buttons tomorrow. We can't waste anything so the costumes will be used as night shirts for the kiddos.
I decided to "confess" my "real crush" to Maggie. She was so excited she squealed like a soprano sow. She was happy to give me a crash course in flirting. I really had no idea. None. And. WOW. So, me playing dumb was covered in detail. I guess I did it right. Guys like ta be needed and want t'feel manly, so I have three things I'm goin to focus on. First, whenever I need extra muscle or help with high things, I goin to ask Paul to help me. I'm goin t'put more effort into my appearance. I'm goin t'be more meticulous with my hair than a messy flopped over pony tail, and use the make up Maggie's been bring'n me from her shopping trips. I'm also going to try to be the one to deliver messages for Mrs Haywood, like announcing lunch and dinner. That way I can tell everyone and I will let Paul know last so I can walk t'the house with him t'meals and stuff. That will give me opportunities to get him used t'me and t'maybe talk and open up a bit. Maggie said I also need to touch his elbows frequently. That sounds weird. I don't get that at all.
I've been thinking about my other smart goals. I'm going to start working on the standard Downward Dog. My wrist is almost completely healed. I am going to keep up on the modified plank I've been doin. It's definitely not mastered yet.
Wednesday December 20th
We finished the robes. They were so fast an easy. I suppose using the sewing machines helped. The kids had their fittings and we finished the last one in time to make dinner. After dinner we had an Uno tournament. I don't know where the cards came from, but Lori had them. Daniel is the Uno champion. He and John went back and forth for 40 minutes before Daniel went out.
The kids taped all the hands they cut out yesterday to the wall in a triangle shape with the fingers pointing down. It looked very much like a tree. Mrs. Haywood set them to copying their spelling words onto a bunch of strips of colored paper. When they were done they were used to make paper chains. These were taped across the green paper hand tree.
Everyone got their parts for the Christmas Pageant. They spent a large portion of the afternoon practicing their parts. To make it easy, Mrs. Haywood assigned everyone songs.
The Wise men are Dave Paul and Pete. They are going to sing "We Three Kings" They were kind of indignant about being roped into the production, but their mother insisted. They've promised to do as they've been asked, but they've refused to spend any time practicing. They already know the song and have "more important" things to do. They're teaching Glenn the finer points of welding.
Hank will be Gabriel and will play "Mary did You Know" on his banjo. He refuses to sing, but no one pushed him on it. Paul told me no one really wants to hear him sing, because he couldn't hit a note to save his life.
Glenn, James, Steve and Dan will be the shepherds and sing "The first Noel"
Maggie, Ruby and I are going to sing "Gloria"
Carl is going to be Joseph and Prissy is going to be Mary. They're singing "Away in a Manger"
I suppose that's everyone. The adults are planning to take a bunch of photos and are inviting the Dixons over. I think we're doin it tomorrow.
SO...I've been paying a bit of attention to Mrs. Haywood and she does seem to touch Mr. Haywoods elbows whenever they're within a foot or so of her. Maggie is constantly touching Glenns elbows. Lori even touches the sheriffs elbows on the rare occasions that he gets close enough. I finally thought about Daddy and Mama, and other couples and I don't know how I never noticed. Its actually such a normal thing. Even Jennie was all over Shawns elbows. Even before he went on his mission. I just don't know if I can do it. What if he flinches like Sheriff Grimes? I guess I could do it on accident. If he flinches I will just abandon ship and black everything on this topic out with a sharpie, or chalk it up as a learning experience.
I walked with Paul from the garage to the house at lunch and dinner. On the walk to lunch I asked him about why he decided to study agriculture. It turns out he's real interested in no till crop production and aquaculture. He really does know dirt. He described the soil improvements he's been working on implementing on their farm for the last year or so. On the way to dinner I listened to him talk about going to a seminar, and how he got to meet Gabe Brown. It wasn't as boring as it looks on paper.
Daddy, Mr. Dixon, Dave, Paul, Pete, Hank, Sheriff Grimes, Glenn and T-dog are going to corral the few dead still on the farm and reenforce the fences on Friday. They expect to be back Saturday evening and we will get to go home Sunday. It will be nice to have sacrament meeting at home again.
Thursday December 21st
Well, the Christmas Pageant went off better than I thought it would. I did have my doubts at first. Maggie, Ruby and I wore our white angel robes (new cotton rustic but soft nightgowns). Mrs. Haywood played a portable keyboard. We sang and it went well. Next was the shepherds. They sounded really good. Carl and Prissy did good. Everyone did until the wise men. They went last and sang a parody.
"We three kings of orient are,
Smoking on our Russian cigars.
They were loaded, they exploded,
compliments of the Tzar."
Mrs. Haywood actually thought it was funny. I would have thought she would be upset, but I guess she was expecting some kind of shenanigan from them and decided that was pretty mild.
The above picture is everyone under 25. Daddy took the picture 5 times. The top row sitting on the railing from L to R is Peter, Paul, me, Maggie, Glenn and Dave. The bottom row from L to R is Prissy, Carl, Dan, Steve, James, Hank and Ruby. He also took the one above it 5 times. The one above it is everyone except Daddy. Standing on the porch from L to right are Old Man Jim, Mr. Dixon, Mrs. and Mr. Haywood, Carrol, T-dog, Mrs. Grimes, Sheriff Grimes and Dave. Sanding in front of the porch is Paul, Peter, James, Hank, Steve, Daniel, Maggie and Glenn. Sitting on the log in front is L to R Prissy, Ruby, Carl and I The one taped to the facing page is Daddy, Glenn, Maggie and I. Lori took it in exchange for me taking a picture of Sheriff Grimes with her and Carl. While I was at it I got a picture of just the Haywoods and two of just the Dixons. One picture of the Dixons is in the Ruby Red Note book. It seemed appropriate for it to have a picture of its primary author. The other I gave to Old Man Jim. I think I may have actually caught him unaware.
I think I was lucky being next to Paul in one of the pictures. Originally I was supposed to be in the bottom row but I asked really nice to stand next to Maggie since we're sisters, and because of how people have been acting lately Dave didn't want to stand next to me so he stood on the other side of Glenn and Paul wasn't paying attention when Peter swapped places with him, so, yeah. I turned my head at the wrong (or right) moment and so the picture looks like we were looking at each other but we weren't.
I got to try the elbow thing, it was totally on accident though. He was walking me to the barn and I tripped on the hem of my angel costume. It took me a few minutes to realize that I had grabbed him and I wasn't sure how to let go at that point without seeming weird or repulsed, so I just kind of left my fingers curled around his bicep the rest of the way to the barn. He looks thin and wiry but his bicep was actually pretty solid.
Maggie, Lori and Carol have been busy the last couple of days. They have finished 14 of the 22 ponchos. While we were setting the pageant up they were knocking out the sewing. I'm going to help them finish the rest tomorrow. Or maybe I can use the left over cloth strips from the costumes to make night shirts for the adults. We'll see.
Friday December 22nd
We can't go home any time soon, if at all. Simon's group is on our farm. They've cleared off the dead except for the ones tied to the fence to keep people away. They're tethered with enough rope to pace around with out getting tangled up by each other. They also have tree stands set up along edge of the pasture. It's a good thing the guys parked out a bit from home and walked in. Otherwise the people in our house may have seen them. Glenn told Maggie that they were near the tree line when Daryl's sharp eyes noticed how the dead were spread out and acting odd. Glenn went up a tree with the binoculars and saw them toss a guy to the dead on the fence and he was tore up by the two closest to him. They people there seemed to have several prisoners. There were to many people for our guys to do anything. Glenn said there must have been 50 people with guns just walking along the perimeter. It looks like this barn is going to be our home for the near future. Even if they have no intention of settling in for the long term, there's probably enough food laid by to last a year or so. If they decide to stay and farm our land they could stay forever.
We finished the ponchos and wrapped them before the guys got back. Even though its only 6 miles they walked the last mile through the woods to and from the cars. It took a while. Mr. Dixon shot 3 geese while they walked along Keg Creek, towards where they had parked by the old mill.
I suppose I should be upset. I know Daddy and Maggie are. I guess it takes too much energy to be upset. We can't do anything about it right now so why dwell on it. It's almost Christmas. I'm going to concentrate on celebrating the best I can.
So, on the Paul front, he seems okay with me tagging along from whatever he's workin' on, to the house for meals. I held onto his arm walkin' t'lunch and dinner. On the way to dinner tonight he even kind of held his elbow away from his side like an invitation. That's good, right? Maybe I should end this experiment before too much happens. I like him, but I'm not sure I like him. I know that makes no sense. I just don't want to hurt him if I decide I don't like him as much as maybe I should. I don't know anything anymore. Being 16 is so confusing. Unfortunately any conversation with Maggie would be a bad idea. She gives great advice, it's just usually expensive. I really wish Mama was here to talk to. She'd know exactly what to do.
Mrs. Haywood put the geese in the fridge after they were dressed. They're going to be Christmas dinner and there's a lot of people to feed.
Saturday December 23rd
Rick is campaigning hard to do something about Simons group being on the farm, fortunately everyone is completely against it. They are armed, have more people and are well organized. I'm pretty sure that if they are willing to kill random people that are with them, they would be willing to kill anyone to keep it. I think the plan for now is just to keep watches and try to be aware if they come this direction. Hopefully he won't mention anything more about it.
The ponchos will be done tomorrow probably. I wasn't able to borrow the sewing machine because its tied up in the poncho project so, I'm using the rest of the cotton cloth for the Christmas Pageant to make night shirts for everyone who wasn't directly in it. I have all the pieces ripped and I will assemble them later on tonight. It looks like I will have enough scraps left over for some handkerchiefs too.
Someone hung Mistletoe in the isle between the stalls. Carl has been making sure anytime anyone tries to pass anyone else near it, they know they are under it. I ended up hugging T-dog and Rick. I told Carl that hugs are as good as kisses, and T dog and Rick wholeheartedly agreed. He managed to get his parents under it a few times and it was funny watching Daddy get a peck on the cheek from Carol. It was cute at first, but Maggie and Glenn are having way too much fun with it. I think they are getting caught on purpose. I put a stool under it to keep them from being able to claim "accidentally" getting caught, and they were sitting on it 20 minutes later making out. Good grief.
On another note, we watched the Charlie Brown Christmas Special and the Muppets Christmas Carrol. Mrs. Haywood even dug up popcorn to pop. I sat on a cushion on the floor in front of Paul. About the time Charlie Brown got to the tree lot, I felt something in my hair and let out a squeak. It turns out Paul likes my hair and was twisting it around his fingers. Him startling me startled him, and he pulled away with his hand still tangled in my hair. I sat there trying not to move and make it worse, while everyone stared at him trying to get his fingers untangled. After that I scooted the cushion closer to him hoping he would feel okay about trying again. It worked and I now have three very messy little braids poking off my head, but its worth it. I think I will leave them in tomorrow so he can see them. All in all it was a fun evening.
Sunday December 24th
For worship today we joined the Haywood's. They passed around a Bible and everyone took turns reading about the events surrounding the birth of Jesus. It was nice. My favorite part is in the Book of Mormon. It's about Samuel the Lamenite. Samuel the Lamenite was sent to warn the Nephites that if they didn't repent they were going to be destroyed. They tried to kill him many many times. The last time he tried to warn them, he climbed up on the wall of the city and they shot arrows and used slings to try to hit him with rocks. No one could hit him. While he was teaching he prophesied that within 5 years the Messiah would be born in Israel. Some of the Nephites believed and repented and started to try to live better lives. For some reason the other Nephites became angry with them and rounded them up. They were going to execute them if the signs didn't happen in 3 days. On the 3rd night the sun set but it didn't get dark. The morning the sun rose like normal and they were set free. Many many people repented when they saw that the night was bright as day and they lived in peace for a few years.
Dinner was venison stew with vegetables canned this fall and Carrol's fluffy cafeteria rolls. Mrs. Haywood made mulled cider while Mr. Haywood made egg nog, to which he added a generous portion of Southern Comfort, from a dusty old bottle he had brought in from one of the barns. We spent most of the evening eating and decorating cookies. At some point the Haywood boys started playing Christmas music on a banjo and a guitar, eventually Maggie, Mrs. Haywood, Prissy and I all took turns playing piano. At about 8 o'clock Lorri announced that it was time for Carl to head to bed which signaled the end for the kids. It also signaled my bedtime apparently. Sixteen going on six I guess. It would be a tragedy if I somehow figured out that Daddy is really Santa I suppose.
Mrs. Haywood and I finished the last of the nightgowns before we all went to the barn. The nightgowns turned out nice if plain. We made sure they were nicely pressed and folded. We were even able to get tissue to wrap them in, thanks to Glenn and Maggie, but we had to fold them small small to do it. I was hoping to help play Santa but here I am.
I worked on finishing the last of the embroidery on the handkerchiefs this morning. For Daddy, I embroidered his monogram and the year and then along 1 edge I embroidered "I love you Daddy". I just figure if anything were to happen to me, that is what I want him to remember most. On Maggie's I put "Best Sisters Forever" and under it an infinity loop with my monogram on one side and hers on the other. I made a matching one for myself but put our monograms on opposite sides.
I embroidered one for Old Man Jim too. I did an outline of his house and barn with the mash pans sitting inside the barn and 3 goats laying with their feet in the air. I think it will make him laugh. For Mrs. Haywood, Carol, and Lori I did monograms and triple running stitch borders in the colors I had left. I also made one for Mr. Dixon. It's red with a brown and black arrow embroidered on it. I keep debating wether to give it to him or not. I suppose if I do, I should make sure prying eyes don't catch me. I also made one for Paul with his monogram in brown. I did the edge with a blanket stitch in brown and then embroidered grass sprouting out of the spaces in the blanket binding stitch like [.
I suppose its silly to be disgruntled about having a bedtime tonight. I came to a realization. A little over 2000 years ago Joseph and Mary spent the night in a barn, just like we are. If we stay here long enough, I could almost guess Lorri and Mary would have something in common, but I imagine that if she went into labor the baby would be born inside the Haywoods house. Also Mary and Josephs barn was more of a dank cave. This barn is pretty nice in comparison. It's sealed up really tight, the roof is good, and since we cleaned and painted its actually kind of cozy.
Oh, Paul noticed that his braids were still in my hair. He seemed to blush a bit when he was looking at the back of my head. I didn't get to walk and talk to him today because except for chores and essential tasks, the Haywoods stay inside and keep to religious observances on the Sabbath.
Monday December 25th
Well, I miss Mama playing Mrs. Claus and handing out presents and the way Shawn would rip up the paper flinging it everywhere. I also miss Mama's mincemeat pie full of chopped apples, raisins and seasoned minced beef. Daddy's red hat is probably in the box of decorations in the attic, unless Simon's group decided to look for Christmas decorations. Somehow I can't imagine the house decked out for Christmas surrounded by the dead on leashes.
The Ladies put out a very nice breakfast buffet with hominy grits, french toast, eggs and sausage, while the kids investigated the stockings. I received a stocking, even the adults got a stockings. They were full of nuts that the kids had gathered under the supervision of T-dog, candy, travel sized toiletries, pocket knives, small sewing and fishing kitts and other useful things, but mostly candy. The kids were allowed to have 3 pieces of candy with breakfast.
Even without Black Friday and Malls everyone managed to find ways to make or scrounge something to show the people around them that they mattered.
After breakfast the Dixons arrived. T-Dog and Carrol presented them with their stockings. Old Man Jim had several bottles of smoked whiskey that he passed around to the adults. (I got him to write down the technique for smoking whiskey.) He even brought one for me, for medicinal purposes, which Daddy didn't seem to object to. He also made wooden toys for the children, yoyo's, spinning tops and jump ropes with hand carved handles. He also made some bar puzzles for the Haywood boys and carved combs and hair sticks for the ladies. My comb is carved with a butterfly on it and my two hair sticks have butterflies on the ends. Some sets had fish and flowers and such.
The Ladies gave everyone ponchos. They are dark brown, forest green or Mossy Oak. Mine is green. Mrs. Haywood and I handed out the nightgowns and nightshirts to everyone. Lorri and the girls handed out the mittens, hats and scarves they had made.
I gave Paul the handkerchief I made for him. He was a little bit embarrassed because he hadn't gotten me anything. I told him I didn't mind and that his friendship was enough. Later this afternoon he presented me with the last invasive pests report put out by the Department of Agriculture. I will probably read it tonight or tomorrow morning. I suppose that if things don't get back to normal we may have to rig up catch boxes in the fields and keep out own statistics throughout this spring and summer.
I was able to give a handkerchief to Mr. Dixon. I went to the barn to put away my nightgown and poncho and a few other things when Mr Dixon ran up to me. We actually managed to talk for a few moments. We agreed that with how people seem to like stirring things up we should be as formal as possible. I have to admit, I kind of like how he says Ma'am when he addresses me. I told him that if he is going to insist on calling me Ma'am then I'm going to call him Mr. Dixon. He thinks of his father when he hears it so I told him that I'm going to call him Sir then. I think he is okay with that.
I gave him the handkerchief wrapped in a bit of red tissue paper tied up with a piece of green curly ribbon. He didn't open it, instead he pulled a braided skin bracelet with a wooden bird charm on it out of his pocket and fastened it around my wrist where I cut it. He said something about how I look sad whenever I look at my wrist and not to let it bother me because we all do stuff we wish we hadn't.
I think he's a good friend. I also think that if people want to talk about romance and innuendo that they should pay more attention to how often Carrol disappears in the evenings. It's kind of fun knowing something that no one else seems to have clued into. Carrol has a leather bracelet too, with a heart. He even dyed the leather a pinkish color. She showed it to me. The heart is actually a little frame. She was so touched and a bit awed that he had managed to get a hold of her purse and clipped her daughter's school photo to fit inside. It even has a thin wire as a hinge to shut it so the picture doesn't get messed up.
Later at dinner I saw a bit of the corner of the handkerchief hanging out of Paul's back pocket. Dinner was very fine. I really enjoyed the pie. There was so much pie left that we will probably see it at breakfast in the morning. Cookies too. And goose and potatoes.
Tuesday December 26th
Today was a pretty normal day, I read the Invasive Pest's report, about soil ecosystems, and the events leading up to the First World War. I worked on my Yoga forms and planks.
Carrol and Maggie have watch tonight. Glenn and T-Dog helped the Haywood Boys walk the fence line. I have no idea what Daddy, Sheriff Grimes and Mr. Haywood are getting up to. Lorri worked on her layette and helped Mrs. Haywood run school.
I forgot to mention that Daddy and Maggie found a chain on a run with a Young Women's Mia-maid medallion. I am kind of worried about how they managed to find it. I don't have my Personal Progress book with me but I'm pretty sure that with all I've been up to over this past summer and fall, I've probably earned it.
As predicted, we had pie for breakfast and leftovers for lunch. Mrs. Haywood reconfigured Christmas dinner into sandwiches for lunch and used the leftover goose and vegetables to make stew for dinner. It was tasty.
Today Paul asked me to go for a walk to check the fences. It was nice. We just chit chatted about everything and nothing. All I really recall was holding his arm. I thought Maggie saw us at one point but I'm not sure she noticed. I'm pretty sure she would have cornered me at some point to interrogate me. Oh, Gosh! I hope she didn't take it into her head to confront him! I will die. I will pray for the earth to swallow me like the sons of Aaron if she does. I don't know how I'll get a wink of sleep now and it's too late to go ask her or Paul.
Wednesday December 27th
As far as I know Maggie hasn't done anything. I'm not going to mention it first if she doesn't know. Paul didn't mention anything about her at all on the way in to lunch. I'm not sneaking or nothin', but Maggie can be hell on wheels.
I had watch tonight with T-dog. We watched the road from the blind, and every 2 hours we did a lap around the inside of the fence line. Considering how big an area is inside the fence, its no wonder it takes almost 45 minutes for each round. T-dog and I discussed the idea that maybe only one gate isn't such a good idea. A second gate would need another couple of people for watch, but I suppose it could be argued that leaving the one gate we have unattended for 45 minutes at a time is risky too. I suppose we could get blocked in without an escape pretty easily, but a big enough herd could surround us too. Then it wouldn't matter how many gates there were. They would all be useless.
I suppose its been the 28th for hours now but I'm still awake so its the 27th to me. Night watches screw up my sense of time. It seems that for some things I'm an "Adult" and for other things I'm a kid. I sit at the kids table. I study with the kids. I stay in the fence like the kids. I have a bedtime with the kids. I'm only an adult when its convenient. Even James is allowed to go on runs for radio parts and electrical components. I guess its not a bad thing really. I don't think I could get up close and put down the ill. I just don't have it in me. James had to put one down last time he went out and was so shaken up for days. It almost got him. If Glenn hadn't distracted it at the right second James would be a goner.
I'm going to get breakfast and go to bed.
Thursday December 28th
Well, It feels earlier than it is. I slept till 1:30 in the afternoon and did my morning stuff. It wasn't 'till I realized that I had missed lunch that it occurred to me that it was afternoon. It was a pretty chill day. Everyone was on an even keel. No drama, no news and nothing interesting except for instead of just 1 or 2 animals caught in the snares all 5 had something. I skinned them and stretched them. 3 rabbit skins and meat for dinner, a skunk pelt and a possum skin, and no, I'm not eating skunk or possum. Not ever.
I hung out in the wood shop with Paul this afternoon. He is making something like an apothecary cabinet only bigger. He saved a ton of seeds from all the crops they grew this past year. Okay, maybe not a ton, but definitely over 1000 lb. Some of them are hybrids so he's not sure if they will grow true or not. He's also collected seeds from neighboring farms and yards with gardens. He's going to store all of them in it and label everything. He wants to get to the feed store next week to see what leftover seed packets are there and if they have any lime to augment the soil with. He will be able to do a complete planting with what he has, and grow an ample amount of vegetables this summer.
On another note, T-dog and the Sheriff went to check on our farm. It seems that they took Dave, Glenn and Maggie with them. Henry and Paul have watch tonight.
Friday December 29th
I think that the good Lord has a heck of a sense of humor. I almost got my first kiss. I was up early to start my morning routine in time for the night watch to be over. I had my hair in two french braids with just enough wisps of hair left out on the edges to not look like I'm trying to hard. I rolled them into side buns and used the hair sticks I got for Christmas to hold them in place. I did the eyeliner really light but its such a nice brown that it makes my eyes look bigger, and just a little bit of the blue grey eyeshadow Maggie brought me before Thanksgiving. I even had on a bit of strawberry lip dew.
I was up in time to walk to the Haywoods house with Paul for breakfast. Henry winked at Paul before jogging ahead. It was a nice morning, chill and crisp but the sky was clear and blue with a bit of grey mist hugging the ground. The sun was coming up but everything was silent and eery. Just the sound of Paul's boots next to mine shuffling the dead grass. I don't know why it unsettled me the way it did, it just didn't seem natural.
Paul paused for a second and then put his hand on my back and started to press me to speed up a bit. As soon as we got to the garage he pulled me around the corner and caged me against the siding with his arms. He had the most serious expression on his face. He looked as creeped out as I felt. We stood like that for a minute or so, just staring at each other until we caught our breaths. As soon as we were good to talk I asked him if it was too quiet to him too. The quiet did unsettle him, but it was seeing someone with two of the dead on leashes, with their jaws cut off, that had him hurrying me along.
At that moment Mrs. Haywood came out of the house and laid her eyes on us. I can see how our positions were entirely compromising and I would have thought the same thing too. As a mater of fact, even though we'd been so creeped out, I was totally thinking about kissing him or him kissing me. To say the least Mrs. Haywood was not pleased. She started yelling something about appropriate behavior.
Paul looked at me and calm as can be, he drawled, "Well, if I'm in for a penny I may as well be in for a pound." He put his hands around my head and started to pull me to him, and we were almost there when Mr. Haywood grabbed him by the shoulders and drug him into the house.
Daddy and I had a long talk, I think its a modified version of the talk I suppose he probably gave to Shawn at some point. Needless to say, I'm grounded. I never had a chance to tell anyone about what Paul saw. Instead I'm in my stall reflecting on my behavior, the importance of reputation, and how proper ladies should behave. Oh! And what my Mother would be thinking of all this. I know exactly what she would think.
Mama dated lots before she married Shawns dad. She kissed lots of boys, she just made sure not to let them take things too far. Daddy may have been the only one she dated after Shawns dad but that was mostly because she actually had sworn off dating and men entirely for the rest of her life. She just liked Daddy enough to change her mind. Mama was waitressing at a small diner in Sonoia. Its a bakery now, but at the time it was just a sit down lunch stop. Daddy had been widowed and had been taking Maggie there for dinner every Monday for a couple of years. Mama had memorized their usual within a few months. After about a year of awkward blushes Mama asked him out to a church social. The rest is history as they say. Maggie and Shawn became besties. She had someone a year and a half younger to to boss around and he didn't seem to mind as long as she didn't over step too much. I don't actually think Mama would have been upset or disappointed in me at all. She may have even been as disappointed as I am that Pauls lips didn't get to land.
Oh No, Here comes Maggie.
Saturday December 30th
It seems we have overstayed our welcome and its my fault. I wasn't even in love. I liked the attention and having someone I could talk to, who didn't look at me like I'm a weirdo. We have until the 1st to relocate. That's what Maggie came to see me about yesterday afternoon. Rick, Glenn and T-dog are out deciding on a place to move into. It'll have to be big enough to let people have their own space, but still be easily defendable and unnoticeable. But noticeable enough for us to find. All over a kiss that never had a chance to happen.
To say people are irritated with me would be completely inaccurate. They are angry. Lori took it upon herself to tell me all about self control. She's probably right. All that working on not opening my mouth when I shouldn't went right out the window. I may have said what everyone has been thinking. I asked her what kind of self control has her pregnant with a baby that might not belong to Sheriff Grimes. Oh, and how having her boy toy and her husband fighting over her caused us to lose the farm.
I should feel sorry. I know that. But I don't. I actually feel bad about not feeling bad for saying disrespectful things to Lori. That makes no sense and every bit of sense. I feel bad that Daddy is disappointed in me. I feel upset that we have to find somewhere else to live. I'm upset that I've been labelled a temptress and a wanton woman because everyone jumps to all the wrong conclusions.
Glenn is unhappy that his welding lessons have been cut short.
I had to eat in the barn because I'm not allowed in the Haywood's house where I might tempt their precious sons. I've alienated the Grimes', Carrol went to the Dixon's cabin to let them know we're leaving. Maggie and Daddy are too busy being disappointed to talk to me so I guess I can sit and write. I the only thing I have to read now are my scriptures, the Hymnal, my notebooks and journals, and the school books I already finished. I had to give Paul his soil book back via courier service (Maggie) yesterday.
Sunday December 31st
Daddy, Maggie and I had our own service this morning about virtue and the 10 commandments. I understood entirely why within a few seconds of the hymn ending. Daddy should've stayed catholic so he could drop me off at a convent somewhere. I don't see how Mr. n' Mrs. Haywood figure they can keep their sons from ever marrying. The meeting abruptly ended when I asked Daddy if he really wanted me to believe that he never kissed Mama even once before they got married. Maggie confirmed that they had. Then I turned on her about how she's been acting about Glenn. Daddy turned red. Maggie turned red. I will probably be grounded for the rest of my probably short life.
On a brighter note, Glenn, T-Dog and Sheriff Grimes came back and they found a really big house that was a bed and breakfast. It used to be a historic plantation where they did reenactments and stuff from the Revolutionary War and the War Between the States. It's been modernized but still has all the fireplaces n'outbuildings intact. It's actually only a few miles down the road. The reason it took an overnight trip was that they had t'get the dead out side intact so as not to mess up the inside of the house. The yard's fine. It's waterfront, so we only have to worry about two sides of the house. I can't wait to see it. I just hope they aren't playing it up to keep up morale.
To celebrate New Years Eve every one, but Carl and I, are going to stay up until Midnight. I no longer have a lamp or candle. Everything is packed to go at first light. I have my bag and my sleeping bag. I would use my flashlight, but I wanna save my batteries for emergencies.
Monday January 1st
Happy New Year I guess. Bright and early, or I guess foggy and early we headed out but actually didn't make it very far. Due to the mist we left late. We were up on time but it was decided that we should wait for the clouds to blow off. At about 9:30 Mr. Haywood opened the gate and gestured with a sweeping motion of his arm, for the cars to go through it. He couldn't have been more clear if he had yelled.
We ended going to the Dixon's to wait out the weather. It would be awful to end up surrounded by the dead because we didn't see them. He's only had a few stragglers come through his farm and his fences have been good'nough that his animals have all been okay.
When we got there Old Man Jim already had enough beans cooking on the stove for everyone and cornbread almost ready to go in the oven, so lunch was nice. Dinner was beans too, but they were good so I didn't care. Conversation was lively and everyone seemed to be getting on well.
This time I stayed in the attic instead of in Mr Dixon's room. He avoided me like the plague which is fine by me. I am never getting in a position to get in trouble because of the opposite sex again. Unless I absolutely think the boy is worth all this kind of trouble, which I highly doubt. I shared the attic with Carrol, Maggie, and the Grimes', except the Sheriff. He camped on the floor downstairs with T-Dog, Daddy and Glenn.
Tuesday January 2nd
stay
We are still at Old Man Jim's cabin. He insists that we should stay through Thursday morning but it's awful crowded in here and sleeping in the cars isn't safe. I think Daddy and the Grimes' wanted to go ahead and head out after lunch. I spent most of the day getting Mr. Dixon's and Mr. Jims mending all caught up for them. Maggie saw me with one of Daryle's shirts and gave me the look. I just settled into the rocking chair by the wood stove't stitch up the rip he'd put in it while ignoring her. Looks like it got caught on something from how the edges looked.
Carrol cooked apple cinnamon oatmeal breakfast kind of like how Mama used to, and lunch was soup. I snagged dinner. I enjoy cooking on Mr. Jim's wood stove. I made pork sausage stroganoff and biscuits.
From the conversations around the main room of the cabin, I believe we're going to be leavin' in the morning, dead or none, foggy or clear. Jim thinks it would be better for us to wait but figured we will be okay either way so everything is in the cars waiting for day break. I could ask them to just leave me here but I'm pretty sure it would just stir up more drama than I want just now. Jim keeps sayin for me to trust my guts but not goin isn't an option. I just can't help that his cabin feels almost as much like home as our farm was. Maybe I can be included in some of the weekly check in trips. In the meantime I will just have to do the best I can. It's so crowded in here, I really can't deny it. In about ten minutes I'll get to be squished between Maggie and Carrol on an air mattress.
Good night.