For the disclaimer see the Authors Note at the beginning of Chapter 1
The Journals Of Elizabeth Anne Green
Chapter 14
Monday April 16th
We are safe and will likely stay that way, we just need to put in some effort. Rick, T-Dog, Glenn, Maggie and Daryl cleared out the inner courtyard and cell block C. The rest of us spent most of the day at the fences trying to attract the walking corpses.
That's what I've concluded they are, there's no way they can be alive and ill. There is no way to suppose they're supposed to be walking around moving. I think the souls are gone. Maybe demons moved in, ravenous and full of hate and lacking reason. They walk the earth unresting. That's why Andrea called them walkers. Everyone else is calling them that too. It makes sense. Maybe they were ill when they ran the fevers and had the shakes, but their hearts stopped and they were no longer ill. The soul passed on and something else moved in. They terrify me, but I do my best not to show it.
So, as I said, we moved into the cells in Block C. It's a bit of a mess but we got the bodies out. We can clean up tomorrow. For now everyone is tired, and dirty and exhausted, both mentally and physically. Maggie and Glenn are sharing a cell. Daddy looked unhappy about it, but Maggie is an adult and so he said nothing. His eyes yelled it, but no one seemed to notice but me. Carl seemed to think he was bunking with me until Daddy popped his head in and asked him which cell he was staying in, in a way that clearly indicated this was not the place. Next door to me are Carrol and Lori. On the other side is Daddy. Daryl is in the guard perch and T-Dog grabbed the first cell near the stairs. Sheriff Grimes just laid out on the floor under a window.
So here we are. The rain is drizzling down the windows. The sound is soothing.
Tuesday April 17th
Sheriff Grimes had us gather the stuff the guards had on them. Rick, T-Dog, Daryl, Daddy and Glenn inspected the riot gear and armor, and cleaned it up in case we have to use it later. They also inventoried the firearms and ammunition. Daryl spent a large portion of the afternoon carving and fletching bolts for his crossbow. Lastly he dipped them into a fire he made in a burn barrel. Its to harden them he told me.
Carrol, Lori and I did laundry, mopped and swept. Glen and Maggie loaded the pickup with buckets and containers and drove to the stream and back so we would have enough water before they went out for supplies. Everybody was able to have luke warm sponge bathes this evening. I am cleaner but I still feel a bit grimy. We are going to have to find a large tub or something for everyone to take turns bathing in, because theres a lot to be said for soaking the places I can't actually reach. If we can't at least be hygienic we are going to start getting sick.
We have a rotation schedule for watch now. There are two towers we can access from our courtyard, one near the fence for block B and the one closer to the gate. We are keeping them stocked with food, a few guns, ammo, water and blankets incase someone is stranded up there for some reason.
Lori is having anxiety about peanut. The baby was quiet all day. I heard Daddy and her talking. She's worried that it may be dead and undead inside of her. She had an anxiety attack thinking about it eating its way out of her. Even if she's miscarried, it won't have teeth or fingernails and is unlikely to hurt anything but everyones heart. I think she is just mostly scared because Carl was a c-section. I also think she's worried about dying and trying to hurt the child. The walkers move constantly, franticly. I don't think it would be holding still if it was like that. I'm so glad I won't have to be alone helping when the time comes. Daddy has a lot of experience with obstetrics so everything will be okay.
Rick, T-Dog and Daryl spent the morning going into the halls to try to clear out the dead a little at a time. Hopefully it won't take too long to get them completely cleared out. Our cell block has ten cells up the stairs and ten below. There are bunk beds so I suppose its reasonable to guess there were probably 40 inmates in each block. Times 4 cell blocks I guess there were 160 inmates if this place was at maximum capacity. Plus guards, staff and visitors makes at least 200. I'm sure we've killed at least 40 or 50. Hopefully they will all be gone soon.
I just don't like the idea that there are that many dead in here with us. Last night I dreamed that I was trapped in my cell surrounded by them and unable to get out. I dreamed that I died of starvation and that I came back and started eating my own flesh off of my arms and legs. I couldn't make myself stop eating myself. I was trapped in my body trying to stop myself but it was like someone else was driving.
Carrol came in and woke me up because I was crying in my sleep. I clung to her just crying for a while and she just held me and rubbed my back, rocking me like a baby. I feel shamed to be so weak. All day today she's been giving me looks like she's worried I'll start crying again. She was such a good mother to Sofia, it still pours out of her whenever anyone needs mothering. Kind of like Mama, but in a different style.
Maggie, Daddy and Glenn went on a supply run this afternoon and came back with a tiller, garden tools and seeds. Lots of seeds. Potato seeds and carrot seeds are tricky. I've only ever used starts to grow potatoes and onions, so this is going to be a learning experience. The best seeds though are the herb seeds. Daddy says I'm in charge of growing the pharmacy.
I asked Daddy about maybe finding a beehive for honey, and explained the medicinal properties and how its used in herbal medicine. He says we can look into it. I need vinegar and fat to, but honey is good to have on hand.
Wednesday April 18th
Glenn, Maggie, Daryl and Rick spent a large portion of the morning clearing out the halls. The walkers congregate in groups even in the tunnel like hallways, mostly in the junctions where the halls come together. Maggie says groups of 10 to 15 are pretty common, but they trip over each other, so its usually manageable. I don't know how she can stand to do it.
We have started getting garden beds plotted out. It's a big garden too. It has to feed 11 people plus a baby and Merle hopefully. Maybe others if Merle is with people too. I spent most of today working on a shovel turning dirt on my plot of pharmacy. By itself, it is going to be about the size of the garden Mama and I tended for vegetables. When I get done with this, I am going to plot it out on paper so I can keep it organized and remember where everything is planted at.
Daryl roto-tilled the plot for me this afternoon and I have the rows mounded up. Once everything has sprouted its going to be beautiful. I want to put a little fence around it, but for now I just have the guide strings placed about knee high. Tomorrow I will begin planting seeds.
Also, we are going to need a way to irrigate the garden, otherwise lugging water is going to be a full time job for everyone. I mentioned it to Daddy and he has some ideas and is going to discuss it with the other adults tonight. If we can get some kind of irrigation set up, Maggie and Glenn won't have to haul water so far for washing, drinking and bathing. I really don't like them leaving the safety of the fences to get water from the stream.
Maggie figures we should all be taking turns killing the walkers through the fence. It will keep them from piling up and weakening it. We've been taking turns all day. The prison seems to have attracted a small herd and we've managed to kill most of it that way. They don't seem to notice that we're picking them off. They just keep coming. At first Daryl wanted to build a spiky barricade to keep them off the fences, but they just climb over their dead. Taking turns at the fences is gross but not very hard. I don't have to be really good at fighting to do it. Even Lori's been taking turns.
We've a few pieces of rebar we've been using to good effect. It's been helping us save our ammunition. Unless we can figure out how to make it, we should use it as little as possible. Besides, gunfire is loud and will attract the dead faster.
Thursday April 19th
Daddy and Glenn went to the tractor supply this morning and came back with a few galvanized cattle waterers, and bundles of irrigation pipe and stuff.
Carrol, Carl, T-dog and I were planting seeds while Daddy, Rick, Maggie, Glenn and Daryl were working on setting up a ram pump with some pvc pipe. The result is water for the garden and water for us. We still have to boil it before we drink it, but we don't have to haul it. They put pipe along the ground to each plot and one spigot is up by the door to cell block C. The water pressure isn't good enough for a shower but it's okay for filling pots and buckets.
Everyone had baths this evening. It's nice being so clean. I got a ginger lemongrass toiletry set from the pile of stuff Glenn and Daddy brought back. I smell wonderful and feel great. My hair is soft and shiny. I scrubbed every inch of me, and applied lotion. I feel like a human for the first time in weeks.
Daddy also brought back some plant identification books and books about the uses of wild plants growing here in Georgia. Tomorrow I'm going to see what I can find out in the yard. The likelihood that no one will have any issues until the pharmacy is ready to harvest is slim. It'll be best to see what I can set aside that's already growing for now.
Lori worked on the succession plot today. Its mostly salad greens, micro greens and things like mustard and collards, carrots and radishes. We can probably start canning greens in about 4 or 5 weeks and then every week until the season is over. They are so nutritious and will keep us from having any vitamin deficiencies this winter. Carrol says she knows a copycat recipe for the Glory seasoned mixed greens. If its only half as good, I may be willing to eat them.
Friday April 20th
Everyone but Carl, Lori, Carrol and I went to clear out cell block D. We spent the day piddling around cleaning, working in the gardens, studying and just living life.
I listened to Carl read a chapter of Charlotte's Web while I was sweeping the balcony. I helped him spell some words as he made an entry in his journal and I was hanging laundry. Lori has him doing a daily paragraph for writing practice. I studied chapters 30 thru 33 of Foundations and chapter 8 of the Obstetrics and Gynecology.
I went outside and killed 17 walkers at the fence. It was gross and they stink. I also spent time watching the grass grow absorbing the sun. Carl got 21, Carol got 18 and Lori got 12. They just keep coming, like we're in the middle of a walker highway or something.
I was able to forage the yard and found some plantain grass. Its good for cuts and scrapes and any skin issue really. Its also good if you have tummy trouble, kidney issues and respiratory issues like asthma and colds because its anti inflammatory. I also found couch grass. Its good for fevers, bladder and kidney problems, coughs and mucus. There was marsh dayflower in a corner of the yard. Its invasive but good for colds, flu, fevers and constipation. The best find was cogon grass. Its great for wounds and bleeding. We really have a lot of things we can use growing already. There's even yarrow, arrowroot and wild lettuce.
I managed to cut a fair amount of everything and tied it in bundles. They're hanging from the balcony to dry. I tucked strips of paper with the plant names and how to use them into the bundles. Just in case someone needs to use them and I'm not around.
They have been gone a long time. We heard a lot of noise echoing a while ago and I'm worried, I think I will study some more. It keeps my mind engaged in things that I can actually influence.
Saturday April 21st
Daddy's leg was amputated by Sheriff Grimes. They ran into a huge group of walkers and Daddy got bit walking by one that was dormant. I guess he mistook it for an actual dead one. They also found a group of prisoners.
I knew what herbs would be useful to keep the leg from getting infected, control pain, bleeding and shock, which is great I suppose. I was able to put the cogan grass, yarrow, wild lettuce and plantain to good use. Carrol and I were able to get the bleeding under control fairly quickly. When he wakes up I'm going to try to get him to eat the wild garlic mustard I found in the yard today. Its full of minerals, vitamins and folate to help his body replace the blood he lost. I asked Daryl to go out for a deer. I hope he gets back soon. I want Daddy to eat some liver to replenish his blood too.
We had to pick out the bone splinters and cut the bones smooth a few inches below the knee joint. There was barely enough intact muscle and skin to fold over and stitch his leg closed. We don't have dissolving sutures like at the veterinary clinic but Maggie thought if we coated boiled thread in hot petroleum jelly and used it to tie slip knots around his arteries we could leave the ends to hang out and then pull the ends to undo them and remove them in a week or so. I hope we did it right.
Daddy passed out from pain, shock and everything after telling us we might have to remove the bone to the knee. I really feel rotten wishing he'd been able to walk us through how to clean up an amputation when it's his own leg. I'm glad he told us as much as he did.
From what I understand Rick took it off with an ax, that shattered the bones. I just hope we managed to get all the splinters out. It will be painful if any got missed. If he survives. If Rick got the leg off before he was infected. If he doesn't wake up I don't know what I'll do. That's not true. I know what I'll do. I'll do what we all do. I'll carry on. We all carry on.
The prisoners made a commotion the same time Carrol, Maggie and I were working on Daddy's leg. T-Dog Daryl and the Sheriff had to explain what's been going on. Somehow they agreed to help clear out cell Block B for them in exchange for food. T-Dog, Rick and Daryl are gone doing that now.
In all the excitement Carl had his own adventure. He went to the infirmary and found painkillers and antibiotics. He took a few of everything and got lucky I imagine. With all the walkers roaming the halls he's lucky he wasn't bit. When Lori spoke with him about it he was completely unrepentant and very disrespectful to her. He is very proud of putting down two walkers on the way to the infirmary.
I'm just waiting for Daddy to wake up and re-hemming his pants so he doesn't trip on the empty leg with his crutches when he gets up. I wish Maggie would stop acting like he's dying, but she wouldn't be my sister if she wasn't dramatic.
There were a bunch of prisoners that had been hiding from the walkers in the cafeteria. They had been there for months. Looking at the pile of food they gave us, they probably would have starved or had to venture into the halls to escape in a few more weeks.
Carrol told me that when T-Dog, Rick and Daryl were helping to clear out D block the prisoners were really resistant to following instructions. Apparently Rick and Daryl explained that you have to destroy the brains in order to lay the dead to rest, a bunch of times. They didn't seem to get it until one of the prisoners nearly got bit trying to stab a walker in the chest.
Sunday April 22nd
It's Sunday again, so Daryl left before anyone was up and still isn't back. I wonder if he found his brother or ran into trouble. I have to get sleep soon so I guess I won't find out until tomorrow.
I decided to fast today, even though its not the first Sunday of the month. I'm fasting and asking G-d if we could stay here for a long time, so we can rest and recuperate and for our gardens to do well, that Daddy will heal up okay. Also, in thanksgiving that we were able to make it here without loosing anyone since the farm and that Daryl will be able to meet up with his brother without any trouble. We've been truly blessed.
Lori resuscitated Daddy late last night. His heart stopped and she did compressions and got it going again. For a minute we thought he was going to eat her. He wasn't. He sure scared all of us when he tried to sit up all of a sudden though. We were all sure she was going to be a gonner.
Daddy was out of it most of the day so we didn't have Sunday meeting. I sat by his bed and read the last chapters in Alma and got a good start in Helaman. Maggie and I prayed together, but thats not the same. He actually woke up for a little while shortly after lunch, which was so wonderful. He thinks we did okay with his leg. He ate the garlic mustard and dandelion greens and drank the venison broth we gave him. He went back to sleep after only an hour or so though.
I took a walk when Maggie sat with him. I'm still working on identifying the weeds and looking up their uses in my copy of "Wild Medicinal Plants of Georgia". Glenn helped me dig up a bunch of wild shallots, arrowroot and dandelion roots. The shallots went into the venison stew with the potato like arrowroots. The rest of the shallots will help make the deer liver taste better, maybe. That and the dandelions should get some color back in Daddy's face.
Monday April 23rd
We stacked the bodies in the east corner of the yard and will start burning them tomorrow. I know it sounds awful, but, it would take days to dig a hole big enough to burry them all and letting them continue to fester will stink and cause sanitation issues.
I wrote the numbers from each prisoners jumpsuits, just in case we ever find the offices and can look up their names. They may have been criminals, but they had families too. We also searched them for anything that could be useful. We found cigarets, lighters, photos, letters, drugs, razors, knives, jewelry, cell phones and even food still packaged in peoples pockets.
The inmates in the other cell block seem very socially awkward to me. They are also totally out of touch with the present situation. They're having difficulty clearing out the bodies because they used to be people they knew. I feel bad for them, but we don't know why they were incarcerated. We have no way to verify that what they told us is true, so, we're assuming the worst and keeping our distance. They want us to help them access their yard and help them get the bodies out of their cell block, but we're already busy getting things cleaned out over here.
Carrol and I spent the day sweeping, mopping, and scrubbing. Even the walls. In the cells, most of the trash was bits of cloth and paper, in addition to an assortment of splattered substances. We swept it up and loaded it into the pickup to go to the burn pile. We got the windows cleaned up and that made a huge difference. The windows are the main source of light we have. I think there should be a laundry somewhere. It would be good if we could find it so we can get sheets and bedding. Sheets can also be rigged as curtains for the cells. For privacy.
Maggie and Glenn have been spending a lot of time in the watch tower, keeping watch, among other things.
One nice thing about concrete walls is it is cooler inside than out. Still muggy and sticky, but less hot. After being out in the cold damp all winter I am so thankful for the warmth.
Tuesday April 24th
We found the laundry and got linens and laundry detergent. The hallways seem to be cleared out, although we were very careful just in case one (or more) got missed. There are so many little closets and rooms in here for a dead one to hide in. There could also be living prisoners who managed to hole up somewhere. Honestly, its a complete maze. No one is supposed to go into the halls without at least 3 other people.
Maggie and Glenn have been spending a lot of alone time in one of the watch towers. They drug a mattress up there and everything. I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to just announce that they are moving there, away from everyone. One things for sure, the watchtowers catch the breezes. Right now Glenn and Maggie are watching for walkers in case they are attracted by the glow of the smoldering bodies burning.
T-dog and Daryl have been driving them away from the gates quite a ways away to burn them. Mostly because it smells awful, kind of like the cauterizer at the clinic but 1000 times worse. We also want to avoid messing up the soil by contaminating the ground with the charcoal lighter fluid that it takes to get them burning. Once they start burning, they burn. They are actually hard to put out once the fat starts to melt off, and if they get bloated at all they explode sometimes.
I also did a bunch of laundry. I strung up a clothesline and it isn't pretty, but it worked.
I think this is the best place we've been so far though. I have my own room pretty much and even a desk of sorts. I am keeping my pack close but not completely packed. I think I could get my stuff in it in a minute or so if I had to. It's not that big a deal. We have solid walls, fences and plenty of ammo and knives. The walkers are showing up in fewer numbers every day, and we have managed to keep them off the fence for the most part. The light is fading so TTFN.
Wednesday April 25th
Carol spent the morning practicing doing c-sections. Daddy may not be able help if Lori ends up needing one. I don't know enough even with studying, I've seen things born, but I know enough to know I don't know nearly enough. I thought I knew but the closer the prospect gets and the more I study, the more I know that I'm not ready to help anyone. I did find wild fennel and motherwort. That will help Lori's milk come in after she has the baby.
Carl has been joining people at the fence putting down any walkers that happen along. There were only 20 today. Rick and Glenn have been loading them into the back of the pickup truck as they get picked off. They dropped the bodies off at the burn pile shortly after dinner. I watched from the north tower as they unloaded them, tossing the remains onto the pile. It's still smoldering and flares up every once in a while. It's on a swampy patch just to keep the fire from taking off. I've never really heard of forest fires starting around here. Usually we just hear about that kind of thing happening out west, but we really don't want to be responsible for starting one.
I spent the day in the garden, getting the last bits planted and making sure the garden stakes are labeled legibly. When that was done I went on watch so Lori could go inside and take a nap.
This is a good place to study and see everything that's going on. I can see the herd movements for 3 or 4 miles, except where the trees are really thick. Maggie and Glenn are walking the fence line just holding hands. Daddy, Daryl and Rick are by the entrance to the cell block talking about something, Rick is gesturing with his whole body and Daddy is laughing about whatever he's saying, and Daryl is looking the most relaxed I've seen in a while. T-Dog is cooking the haunch of doe Daryl brought back yesterday on the barbecue grill.
It's been kind of overcast all day and the fog rolled in shortly after Glenn and Rick got back, and its chilly so I'm going to study while the light is still good.
Thursday April 26th
Its really starting to look homey. Everything is clean as a pin, the cells all have privacy curtains and clean bedding. Some color would be nice. I would love to paint one of the cells and set it up like a nursery with a crib and the like. The only color is the green ribbon I have holding my curtain back to let more light in from the windows.
It seems Maggie and Glenn have moved all their stuff into one of the towers, there's no speculating. Maggie and Glenn rigged up curtains, a bed and a little table with two crates as chairs. Maggie figures there's really no getting married in our present circumstances. I reminded her about the Haywoods. She says that first of all, Glenn hasn't asked her and she doesn't want to be the one to do it. She wants a spontaneous, romantic proposal first. Second, there are no churches nearby that we know of where they could sign the registry book. And third, we could all die tomorrow and she doesn't want to waste what time she has left away from him. I can see her points but I think she should be open with Glenn about where she wants their relationships go. I've never been in a relationship before, but I do know that you miss 100% of the chances you don't take.
Speaking of chances not taken. The two guys from the other cell blocks Axle and Oscar are having some issues with block B and getting the bodies out. They are saying part of the fence is down and its making it difficult for them to get the bodies out. Rick and Daryl refuse to help them but I think it could be a mistake. They're our neighbors and it would be best to have good relations. Also, If they're having issues with their fences and they get over run, it could become our problem. I attempted to tell Daryl and Rick that maybe it would be in our interest to help them out. Daryl won't hear anything in their favor and Rick is taking his lead on this.
The irrigation system has been working. There were a few sprouts this morning. Its kind of like popcorn. First one pops, then a few more and suddenly everything starts exploding at once. I think in a few days the garden is going to be a bit like that.
There are common reeds growing in the stream outside the fence. I want to ask Daryl and Maggie to come with me to gather them. I want to make some new laundry baskets. If I can get enough reeds I want to make one for each cell, but if not I will just make a hamper for upstairs and one for down. I also want to try to make a wicker bassinet for peanut. I should probably talk to Maggie before it's too dark to go out to the tower.
Lori is outside with Carl planting this weeks rows in the succession garden. It gets her exercise and it isn't very strenuous. Nothing has to be planted deeply, it just needs attention. As long as its planted thick enough the greens will drown out the weeds, and in about 3 more weeks we will have fresh greens for salads and to can. The first rows she planted last week have already sprouted and will probably need to be thinned in another week. Those early greens will be so tender and delicious.
Friday April 27th
Maggie, Glenn and T-dog went and got reeds for me today, so I spent the afternoon splitting them neatly down the middle. I quickly was made aware that this was a task requiring gloves. Daryl let me use his. He actually sat with me for an hour or so helping me with them. I'm sure I would still be splitting reeds now if he hadn't helped me out. They're all soaking now and hopefully, I can start on making baskets tomorrow.
The irrigation system is working great. The part of the yard with the gardens has excellent drainage and the flow os being controlled with trickle hoses so the seedlings are moist but not waterlogged. We have a few early sprouts. Its been barely over a week since we planted and I suppose the first sprouts are right on time. The succession garden is really taking off, I can see the difference since yesterday.
Carrol made oatmeal raisin cookies. Oh my goodness, she could give Sister Fansler some real competition. Everyone was in gastronomical heaven. She has promised to teach me how to make the cookies come out perfect, even in a dutch oven on the barbecue, and I intend to hold her to that.
Rick and T-Dog found playing cards in the guard room and we are having a rummy tournament in a few minutes so I'd better wrap this up quickly.
Saturday April 28th
Today has been tragic and I don't know how to take it all in. One of the prisoners got the generator going, set off the sirens and let walkers in. Intentionally led them in! Dozens and dozens of them. Daddy had just gone on his first outside stroll with his new crutches. We were going to inspect and weed out the garden. T-Dog died shutting the gate so more couldn't get in. Carrol is missing and probably dead. Maggie, Carl and Lori were chased into the halls. They managed to hole up in a closet but Lori went into labor. Maggie hadn't planned on being the one to be the midwife. It was supposed to be Daddy or Carrol or I. Something went wrong and Lori was fading fast and Maggie ended up doing the c-section. Lori is gone. We all knew it was a possibility but that doesn't make it easier.
Rick's completely lost it and is somewhere in the halls. Glen went after him to talk to him and got roughed up by him for his troubles.
Maggie and Daryl went out looking for formula and diapers. We had figured on Lori nursing the baby but thats not in the cards now. A baby can go 72 hours before they have to nurse but they were back sooner than that.
And poor sweet Carl. That little boy had to put down his own mama. I have Carl and the baby for now. I'm just trying to love them the best I can. Carl never cried and I just held him until he went to sleep.
After Carl fell asleep Daddy brought me this little girl. She's so little. She weighs about the same as a can of peas. She slept in 30 minute bursts and was fussy. She messed up 2 t shirts and a flannel shirt before Maggie and Daryl got back. Thats good in a way. Her lungs are healthy, her kidneys work and so do her bowels. If there was a working hospital she would have had her hearing and vision checked by now, but all we can do is watch as she grows and make sure she is focusing and reacting to sound.
Daryl has a way with her. As soon as he took her from Carl she quieted and started chugging her bottle.
She's fussing, She probably needs a bottle and a change.
Sunday April 29th
I suppose things are never how they seem or what you would expect. Axle and Oscar dug graves for Lori, Carrol and T-Dog, but T-Dog is the only one who was buried. A walker found Lori's body before we could go get it and ate it entirely. We buried the walker that we presume consumed her. Glenn and Daryl cleared out the boiler room with the help of Axle and Oscar, the two surviving prisoners from B block. Daryl searched for any sign of Carrol but found nothing.
Rick cleared out the rest of the walkers by himself like he had a death wish or something. He's in shock, or avoiding or maybe he feels bad about the condition of his relationship with Lori.
Carl's not doing much better. He's in shock and denial. I've tried to give him space while still making sure he knows I'm here for him. Daryl seems to have taken him under his wing. It's good he's willing to talk to someone. He bottles things up. He still hasn't cried. He's keeping occupied helping Daryl and Oscar clear out the cell blocks.
This Baby Girl cries though. She is loud for something so little. I think she sees and hears fine. She just stares up at me unblinking when I sing to her. She's been loosing weight, which is supposed to be normal, but it worries me.
She also appears to have a bit of jaundice. That's why she's laying naked across my lap on her tummy. I also think she has colic. I think it may be the formula, or maybe she's one of those babies that can only nurse. She eats well, but spits up a lot. I'm trying to get her as much sun exposure as I can to clear up the jaundice and have been boiling dandelion leaves in the water I'm using to mix her formula to give her liver a boost.
I think the formula is going to run out by Saturday. I would water it down but that won't stretch it, it will just keep her from getting the nutrients she needs, like starving her slowly. I also need to ask Maggie and Glenn to look for cloth diapers. The disposables are nice, but if something happens and we can't send anyone out for supplies it would be better to be able to wash and reuse them.
She seems to have four different cries. The diaper change or uncomfortable cry is kind of a trembly cry with a fast rhythm and tired is a trembly whimper and not to incredibly loud. There is a howling gusty cry when she is hungry. I haven't figured out the high pitched and skull piercing one. The last one is her favorite and she only stops when she switches to another cry, is asleep or eating.
I'm going to get a nap in because she had me up half the night and will probably wake up hungry again in a bit.
Monday April 30th
Wow, today's been horribly busy. I should clarify that. Today's been horrible and busy. Maggie and Glen are missing and its all my fault. If I hadn't pestered her about diapers and formula she and Glen would be here and not in some camp or town as prisoners somewhere. She doesn't even know that Daryl found Carrol in the "Tombs" and brought her back.
She's very dehydrated. I've been giving her cooled mint and dandelion tea and broth to help her rehydrate. Daryl spent an hour or so updating her on everything. Apparently T-Dog was initially bit saving her life. She isn't taking it very well. I think she's more sick with grief than the dehydration.
She is cuddling baby girl. Daryl gave her a name but I'm not calling her that. I'm going to wait until Rick comes back to his senses and gives her a real name, or until Carl does, which at this point seems more likely. Daddy says he's having a psychotic break complete with delusions and hallucinations. Daddy want's me to stay away from Rick for the time being because he is unpredictable and maybe dangerous. If he doesn't come back from this Carl may end up more of a father figure than a brother figure. If that happens we will all help him so he doesn't have to carry the load alone.
Anyway, Maggie and Glenn were taken by someone. We know this because the woman locked up in B Block said she saw it happen. She's in a bad way too. Rick and Carl saw her approach the fence covered in blood, hers and walker blood. She fainted while fighting off the dead. Carl and Rick rescued her and brought her inside. I was busy fetching water and towels for her when Daryl brought Carrol out of the tomb like maze of hallways. Rick was pretty hostile to the woman. Its almost like everyone is an enemy and a threat to him. He actually hurt her to make her talk. She's obviously been through a lot and has difficulty trusting and I don't think his demeanor is going to help us any. Other than Daddy stitching her up, I can't say we've given her any reason to want to help us. I don't think we put our best foot forward. I hope it doesn't come back on us badly.
The story of Abraham is all about how to treat strangers. There were some travelers who visited Abraham and he washed their feet and made a feast for them. When they went on their way they blessed him and told him he would have a son by Sara before that time the next year. She was almost 100 but had a son like they said and named him Isaac.
The men who visited Abraham also went and visited his nephew Lot. When they visited Lot, he tried to treat them well and protect them. Unfortunately the people in the city were bent on mistreating the strangers in their midst and they destroyed the city.
In Samuel there's a story about David while he was on the run from Saul. He went to a place and was treated badly by this guy Nabol. David was so angry about how he and his men were treated that he was going to attack Nabol and his people. When his wife Abigail found out what her husband had done she went and gathered supplies and brought the stuff to David and his men and apologized. She had saved her husbands life by showing kindness.
I hope that Rick doesn't bring something down on us by upsetting the wrong person. Look what happened with the alarm siren. I wonder if that could have been avoided if Rick and Daryl had been more compassionate to the prisoners.
Tuesday May 1st
So, Some things have developed. Rick seems to have snapped out of his thing or whatever. I'm not sure he's thinking right though. Rick decided they're going to rescue Maggie and Glenn. Daryl, Oscar and Michone went too. They've been gone since this afternoon. I wanted to go too, but Daddy needs me here. Who knows how long they'll be gone. Or if they'll even come back. It's just the four of them against a town. I want them to get Maggie and Glenn back for sure. I just don't want anyone to get hurt.
Michone spent most of the morning just sitting and staring or walking the fence line stabbing walkers with her sword while she waited for Rick and Daryl to decide what they were going to do and were getting supplies ready. She didn't say much at all. I don't know if she's shy or scared or unsure of us. I hope it isn't because of how she was treated yesterday. I spent much of yesterday afternoon helping Daddy get her fixed up and cleaned up, but she was handled roughly by Rick and first impressions mean a lot.
I talked to her a bit while I checked her wound and gave her some stuff to keep it clean with. She was surprised with how we managed to clean everything out here. I don't think she's the kind of person to hold grudges but she is also a pretty tight jar to open.
Carrol is recovering pretty well and has a lot more pep than yesterday. She's been making up for lost time feeding and holding Judith. She obviously loves babies. I can tell she must have been a great Mom, even though I never got to see how she was with Sophia. I can tell by how attentive she's been with Judith. She showed me a better way to fold the diapers like a cloth kite. She folded them along the bias so the diapers mold to her butt better. She also showed me how to message her tummy when she is gassy and fussy and how to do a football hold with her on her tummy to keep her from getting gassed up and colicky.
The best thing she showed me was how to strap Judith to my chest with a wide strip cut from a sheet. I was able to weed the gardens without having to put her down.
So my reeds soaked for several days and were just fine. Things have been so busy that they got shifted to the back burner. By wearing Judith and having Carrol hold her some, I was able to make two hampers. I didn't settle on hampers because I didn't have enough reeds. It was more of a time thing and I need to make a bassinet for Judith. I will do that tomorrow though.
I guess I already wrote that Judith has a name now. It's a nice name too. She's named after Carl's third grade teacher.
Axle's been chatty the last few days. He was trying to flirt and I was trying to convey disinterest without being rude. How old am I and what kind of hobbies I have and such. How mature I am for my age and how smart I must be with all the time I spend studying. Complementing how well I handle Judith and how I'm going to be a great mother someday. I realize the dating pool is pretty small. I'm hopelessly, horrifyingly, aware. Fortunately Carrol saved me. She pulled him aside for a chat. We all heard that chat. She tried not to embarrass him, but sound carries in here. He thought she was a lesbian. And then immediately tried to flirt with her when she informed him that she is not. The only reason I didn't die laughing was that I had just gotten Judith to sleep and was terrified she'd scream for an hour or more if I accidentally woke her up.
I guess the other happening today is that Carl rescued a group of people that came into the prison through an opening in the back of the prison. He found them in the generator room. It's probably where the walkers have been wandering in from. There were five but one lady was bit and passed after they got to Cell block B. They put her down. Carl offered to do it for them because they were distraught but they wanted to do it themselves. They were a bit brutal. They used a hammer.
Carl locked them in. Mostly because we don't know them. Daddy tried to explain to them gently that we don't know them, or what kind of people they are. He told them that they can leave how they came or sit tight and wait for our people to get back so we can decide if they can stay. They were pretty pissed off about it but we gave them food, water, clean clothes and they are safe. Tyrese and Sasha seemed to understand that we aren't trying to be mean. Allen and Ben aren't happy at all. I know its hard for them, Allen lost his wife and Ben lost his Mom. We'll help them burry her in the morning. It was dark when she died and we aren't going out to the cemetery after dark.
One of them asked about Judith and how I'm doing. I guess they thought I was Judith's Mama. I set them straight right away. I love her despite the constant fussing. At the same time, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. Or Rick because eventually he's going to hold her for more than 30 seconds and maybe look at her like a father should. I'm starting to worry that he blames her for Lori's death, or that maybe she's Shane's. The second option is very possible and I don't ever intend to place that thought on paper ever again. Unless it's confirmed somehow. It shall never leave my lips.
I should be asleep but I can't, Daddy either, so I'm writing and Daddy's reading scriptures to the light of the crank lamp. We prayed that Maggie and Glenn and Daryl and Rick and Oscar and Michone will all be safe and accomplish the things that they need to for everyone to get home safely and quickly. We prayed that they will be protected from harm and that they will not face more than they can handle. We prayed that they have the strength to carry whatever burdens they are given to cary and can give mercy to those they can. Judith is starting to stir. I should get her before she starts to cry and wakes everyone up.
Wednesday May 2nd
Glenn and Maggie are back. They were all in bad shape. Glenn, and Michone were beat pretty bad.
Maggie was sexually assaulted by the governor there. She doesn't want Glenn to know. I think she's going to have to tell him eventually. She doesn't want him to worry or think bad of her. I don't know why he'd think bad of her. It was done to her not by her. I think she needs to talk about it for her, not him. I worry she will hold it in and it will fester and infect her soul like a dirty grimy splinter. She wouldn't talk to me or Carrol so we just held her while she cried. She finally cuddled Judith until she fell asleep. They look so cute napping together on the bunk.
Oscar died helping everyone get out over the town fence when they were leaving Woodbury. Axle was pretty upset. He talked about how Oscar would keep people from giving him a hard time. Axle described him as the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend.
Daryl's brother Merle took Maggie and Glenn. He wanted Glenn to tell him where Daryl was. He's not the one who messed with Maggie but he did give Glenn a thorough beatdown. I know Glenn doesn't like Merle, I just don't know why he couldn't tell Merle that Daryl was safe and well. I wonder if this all could have been avoided if he had been more forth coming. Glenn knows that Daryl is looking for Merle and that Daryl still blames him, Rick, and T-Dog (G-D rest his soul) for handcuffing Merle to a pipe on the roof of a building in the Georgia heat.
I know they went back for Merle, but if he hadn't managed to get off of that roof he would have died of heatstroke by the time they'd have got back. Anyone with a lick of sense can see that. We do know how he got out of the cuffs though. He cut off his own hand, with a pen knife. Not a big old hunting knife, a pen knife. Thats not cutting or chopping something off. That's a piece by piece carving job, on his own flesh. He told Glenn all about it while beating him. I can see how Merle could be mad about that and about being separated from his brother.
I think Glenn was wrong. Merle was wrong too, and figuring out who was more wrong is impossible to say at this point, but the main point is that a lot of mistakes were made by a lot of people to get to this point and its affected Maggie who had nothing to do with any of it. That was no reason to take Maggie and I'm sure the situation could have been handled better. I will say he's definitely a piece of work. He's the one who shot Michone before she came to us. I'm just saying that things could have been handled better.
Anyhow, in a brilliant move Rick and Glenn tried to make Daryl pick between us and his brother. I don't know how they could possibly think he would choose us over his brother, so, he and Merle are somewhere wandering the woods hunting and gathering like a couple of aborigines.
Like I said, Glenn got a thorough beating from Merle. Daddy spent an hour or so getting him all patched up and cleaned up. Michone fought the governor and was in pretty bad shape emotionally and physically. Carrol and I got her fixed up mostly. It's kind of hard to say because she is one of the least communicative people I've ever met.
The biggest worry right now is that the people at Woodbury are going to attack us out of fear or for revenge. I guess there was quite a bit of damage done to the town and so we worked on reenforcing the fences most of the day.
We also helped Tyrese Sasha, Allen and Ben burry Donna. Rick said they can't stay though. I don't see why he won't let them stay. It seems to me that the more people we have with us the better off we'll be. They could help us, but even Glenn was 100% against them staying so they left after the funeral. They're going to Woodbury. Somehow I have this nagging feeling we made a mistake.
Speaking of Rick, he really held Judith today for more than 30 seconds. He may be starting to accept her and what happened to Lori.
Thursday May 3rd
We had a very challenging day. Axle was laid to rest next to Oscar in our cemetery. I guess I'm getting better at loss, or numb. The governor or one of his men shot Axle in the head while he and Carrol were in the yard talking. He shot at all of us. Somehow one of them managed to get up in a tower while Glenn was checking out where the walkers are getting in at and Rick was chasing hallucinations.
I'd followed Daddy out into the yard while he went to get Rick. I had Judith on my back and a few packs of seeds in my pocket for the succession garden. I've never been so scared. They shot at me while I had a baby with me. What could they have possibly been thinking. I had an infant. They could have killed her.
Shooting at us wasn't enough though, they drove a van of walkers through the fence so now we are trapped here until we can fix the fence and clear the yard, and we do have to clear out the yard. We are going to have food issues this winter if we don't get the garden secured.
The only thing that saved us, saved Rick, was that somehow Daryl and Merle have amazing timing. Merle is the newest person to get locked up in Block D but he probably won't stay locked up very long. He did save Rick's life and has made sure everyone knows it.
So about Merle, He's tall and big. I mean real big. Not fat, built in a rugged way and slightly past prime. I suppose you could say his twenty's really show, in a way that only hard living, hard drinking and hard drugs can. That's not to say he's ugly. He's actually not. Ugly I mean. He's old, but aged well sort of, not as ugly as he could be. He's dangerous, rough and self contained. He's also contained in a cell. Almost like a ferrel boar that you know wouldn't think twice about ripping your bowls out and trampling you, if he want's to. I don't think he wants to though. He reminds me a lot of Barney, kind of how Daryl reminds me of Jasper.
Friday May 4th
Daddy has a new bible study companion. Merle. I am surprised, but maybe I shouldn't be. They had a very lively discussion about the fall of Adam and original sin and familial relationships. They talked about toil, the roles of men and women. It was more educational than any of the discussions I ever had with my seminary class.
I've heard so many conflicting things. Old Man Jim spoke of him like a little lost boy. Daryl talked about him with a mix of stubborn loyalty, stories about a completely dysfunctional codependent relationship, love hate and everything in between. Rick saw an antisocial criminal. Carl expressed complete hero worship and awe. Glenn and T-Dog agreed that he was a racist jerk. Carrol described him as hard on the outside and soft on the inside, like an interesting bug. Maggie saw him briefly and just has hate. That and again, the recurring jerk, except the actual word everyone says is not jerk, but a donkey abbreviated.
My impressions are mixed. I really don't know what to make of him. He is skittish and standoffish, I think his bluster is to hide his insecurity, kind of the opposite of Daryl who quietly retreats into the back ground. He presents himself as an ignorant redneck, but he's obviously well read. He's definitely a hot head and impulsive and has no filter on his mouth. He's obviously loyal and would go to hell and back for his brother. He's honest in his opinions, enough that he sugar coats nothing, and makes sure everyone knows where they stand with them. He's honest to the point of being tactless and it makes most everyone find him as abrasive as a pumice stone on a hemorrhoid.
I was able to work on Judiths bassinet, its really just a tall oval hamper thats really big. I used an octagon weave so that I can adjust the slats that run through it to hold up a mattress for the blankets to go on so I don't have to change her on the floor. I can lay her in the bassinet and sit on the edge of my bed to change her more comfortably. The sides are sturdy enough that when she gets bigger she will be able to pull up on the sides without damaging it and it will be able to keep her contained if necessary for short periods of time. As she gets bigger I can move the slats down.
I can't ask anyone to go for a crib mattress, although its big enough for one. Not after what happened to Maggie and Glenn, but I have a few ideas. Thats my project for tomorrow.
While I was working on the bassinet and keeping things tidy and taking care of Judith everyone else was outside reclaiming the yard.
Judith is a week old today. She does what she's supposed to I guess. She eats, sleeps and poops. She gets held a lot. I think she will never need to learn to walk. Daddy holds her sometimes and reads the scriptures to her. Daryl calls her a "little (donkey) kicker", Maggie and Carrol love to ooh and aah over her before handing her back to me. Carl has fed her a bottle at lunchtime and after dinner every day.
I have to wash diapers tomorrow. I have enough to last through tomorrow but Judy will probably use them up before dinner. I don't know how fast they will dry, but hopefully they will dry before she runs out.
Saturday May 5th
16-10
Judith kept me company as I washed her diapers. It was probably one of the grossest things I've ever done, but at least its done.
I was able to plant this weeks rows of the succession garden. Lori wouldn't want her section of the yard to be uncared for. Her garden will help her to care for Carl and Rick even though she's gone. I expect that we will be harvesting greens next week. They are really starting to take over. The greens are very thick. I thinned out some of the first row and we had a baby greens salad at dinner that was absolutely delicious.
After we were done in the garden today I made a mattress. I used a knife to rip a sheet into two long five inch wide strips and two ovals the size of the bassinet. I spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon between feedings and diaper changes stitching them together to make a cushion. Then I went to D block and took the six cleanest pillows I could find. I stuffed it with the fluff from the pillows and then used a few buttons and stabilized the fluff so that it wasn't bulgy in the middle and lays flat. Daryl cut the plastic postal box to fit against the slats like a solid platform. He thinks it will do just fine.
Judith had a bath today. I think she liked it. She cooed and then ruined the moment by treating it like a diaper. Of course I took her right out of the bath which made her mad and had to dump the water and heat up new. She fussed the entire time, because she was cold. I want to get a bath myself before she wakes up again. I still feel icky from when I washed out the diapers, so, good night.