Chapter 9

Crescendo

Sanji hurriedly pushed open the tavern door. He hadn't seen the Heart crew, but since they had a submarine, maybe they were stationed underwater. However, while he was scanning the port, he hadn't missed the heated discussion between three warriors of the island who were patrolling to secure the place and he had to inform his crewmates of what he had heard.

A rockslide had occurred in the west of the land and a wall section bordering the island had collapsed, also destroying around fifty houses at the same time. The local population was gathered on a site completely inaccessible to visitors and opinions as to the procedure to begin the necessary repairs seemed to differ. The blond had understood that some of the inhabitants were calling for an emergency reconstruction, even if it meant asking for help from tourists and other pirates on the island to transport the necessary materials. Conversely, others wanted to wait for the return of about twenty of their own from the Reverie since some of their strongest warriors were part of it. That was why their numbers were limited on the island and all the remaining men were assigned to the protection of their borders against the newcomers.

The cook hadn't tried to find out more as he had walked past the three guards in full discussion, not wishing to draw attention. He had simply decided to return to the meeting point at the tavern to report what he had learned to his friends.

"Luffy, I haven't seen Tra- Oh."

His captain immediately turned to him, forgetting his game for a moment to offer him a huge smile. "Sanji, look! I got us ten points!"

The blond glanced at the mediocre drawing the straw hat boy was showing him before taking in the scene. In a chair beside him, the surgeon of death seemed focused on his own sketch, a multitude of particularly detailed drawings scattered around him. At their table and facing them, two other men were also drawing diligently and the cook looked questioningly at his captain.

"We're playing Kurta Pictionary!" Luffy explained excitedly, "I draw and Tra-guy has to guess what it is! Then it's the other way around and the first team to reach 100 points wins a huge roasting meat! We're almost there, it's my turn to guess!" Faced with the characteristic enthusiasm of the straw hat boy, Sanji felt sorry for the former Warlord whose weary gestures didn't match the explosive attitude of his playmate.

A second later, Luffy jumped towards the doctor to brutally put an arm around his neck in order to bring him closer and Law had to catch himself on the edge of the table to avoid falling. He then pushed away the other captain who was staring attentively at his precise and harmonious drawing until he winced when Luffy clung to his shoulders while brandishing the sheet of paper. "It's the Fish-Men's Ryugu Palace, I recognized it because of the tower where the crybaby princess was hiding!"

A man in front of him turned over the card placed between them to check the accuracy of his answer then nodded. "Ten points for you."

"Yahoo!"

Law sighed heavily and one of his opponents picked a new card before starting to draw. The straw hat boy then turned again to his cook, clearly delighted. "You wanna play with us?!"

"Blackleg-ya prefers to join his crewmates," The other captain interrupted, not bothering to look at them.

"Really?" Luffy wondered. "Well, do as you like, Sanji!"

"I think it'll be better indeed," The blond approved, "I'd like to inform them of a conversation I overheard on the port. They went back to the Sunny?"

"Tra-guy sent them on the beach!"

The cook nodded and turned around quickly after saying goodbye to them. As he came out, he heard Luffy's thunderous cheers and hurriedly left the place. He understood why Law had no desire to let anyone witness this awkward moment and Sanji himself was glad to have an excuse not to attend.

"I suggest we have lunch tomorrow in town and I'll look for an inn for the next few days. Even if Kurta's warriors become even more cautious because of this rockslide, this may be the last time for a long time we can enjoy the mainland."

Around the table where they ate a quick dinner while awaiting the return of their captain, Franky approved the navigator's initiative and raised his bottle of cola. "It's a super idea! I noticed they have lots of original games on this island, so we won't be bored!"

"But from what Sanji heard, they're totally on edge!" Usopp reminded them with concern, "Maybe they'll blame it on us!"

"This conclusion wouldn't make sense, the rockslide took place several hours before our arrival," Jinbei pointed out.

"Their warriors are very impressive though," Chopper remembered. "Besides, the strongest of them haven't even returned to the island yet!"

"They have certainly sent their most powerful emissaries to participate in the Reverie," Robin confirmed, a cup of coffee in hand.

"I understand their frustration," Brook chimed in. "They feel vulnerable and only seek to protect themselves from the horrors they have suffered. This rockslide exacerbates their fears of a possible attack against them."

"Could we help them?" The cyborg suggested.

"They'll never allow strangers to get to their private lands," The swordsman muttered, "They're already paranoid in normal times, they won't let pirates enter the most important part of their island."

"Zoro's right," Nami sighed, "All we can do to help them is participate in their local economy and not make a fuss. Luffy seems to like it here so that's a good sign."

"The inhabitants are rather nice apart from their mistrust," Sanji approved. "The atmosphere was relaxed at the tavern."

"I hope everything is going well with Law," Chopper said, looking worried. "Even though it's only an hour, Luffy's unpredictable sometimes…"

"As long as he fulfills his part of the deal, that's all that matters," Nami concluded.

On the sunny deck of the ship, Sanji shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers meeting his pack of cigarettes in one and the Raid Suit in the other. The blond then tried to release the metal box he had immediately grabbed in order to calm his impatience. He had been thinking about it for days, but he still tried to put off its use as late as possible, as if his mind wasn't entirely convinced by the decision he had made on this matter.

This is why while all his crewmates had quickly left the Sunny after breakfast, happy to discover the city, Sanji had headed for the market to stock up. Unfortunately, his list was ridiculously short and it didn't take him long to collect everything he needed.

Since Nami had pointed out his irrational behavior in front of everyone in the galley, Sanji made it a point not to overdo it. This included no longer strolling along the stalls according to the flavors and spices that inspired his tastiest recipes. This renunciation was a real heartbreak. Indeed, cooking had always made him smile and his creativity was the brightest when he could work with new ingredients. So today, confined to dishes he knew by heart, the blond felt almost a prisoner and his passion suffered from the restriction he imposed on himself.

Still, Sanji didn't hold a grudge against his princess because he wasn't as oblivious to his own actions as he might let on. For example, he knew that he had deluded himself when he had accepted to be buried in work since their departure from Wano. Even if he kept the food budget in balance, his disproportionate dishes were a reflection of his inability to remain inactive for a moment. He had then hoped that his forced restriction would really help him but after a few days, an anguish even more trying than his guilt had begun to overwhelm him and to be alone with his thoughts had simply become unbearable.

Unable to run away from his own mind, he needed to find another way to keep busy, but the usual games and distractions weren't enough. He needed to feel useful to erase the awful feeling of unease that gripped his throat with every step he took. He needed to be of some use to prove to himself that his presence among his crewmates wasn't in vain. Among mankind.

Right away, he had known his reasoning was absurd, but as time passed, anxiety had instilled enough doubts and pressure in him for Sanji to convince himself that making himself useful at all costs wasn't such a bad thing if it allowed him not to think about cooking all the time. After all, being of service and helping someone in need was commendable and it couldn't hurt anyone.

It was then that the blond had remembered that he had used the Raid Suit when he had stormed out of the inn on the last island the crew had visited. The experience that night had quite satisfied him. Indeed, his outfit had allowed him to find and offer food to the little girl he had met at the market. In the process, he had come to see all the orphans of the city to distribute food until his savings melted, leaving a few coins to each merchant from whom he had shopped at. His invisibility had guaranteed him total discretion and he had been able to keep busy and make himself useful while respecting the navigator's orders not to get them into trouble.

So it was only natural that this cursed object had become the solution to his dilemma and the Raid Suit was now the trump card of his deliverance.

Sanji finished his cigarette and glanced around the deck to check that no one of his crewmates had returned yet. He then walked down to the boys' quarter and closed the door behind him.

A second later, the door opened again and the Sunny's sail moved slightly when a breath of air rushed past it. Above the ship, the sun was shining brightly.

Still hidden by the tall trees that bordered the beach, Sanji put the Raid Suit back in his pocket, a smile on his face. He hadn't felt so peaceful in weeks and he took a deep breath as he enjoyed the nice rays of the sun streaming through the leaves around him. The air was pleasant and the shouts were joyful when he had left town for the Sunny a few minutes earlier.

The cook leaned against a trunk and lit a cigarette, closing his eyes to enjoy the calm he was finally feeling. He remembered the surprised then amazed cries of the inhabitants as they had watched their wall rebuild itself and they had become completely euphoric when all the material to rebuild their houses had piled up before their eyes. The blond lacked construction knowledge so he had preferred to leave everything up there. Among the locals was bound to be an architect or someone competent enough to help them, and he had slipped away when the warriors had started running towards the wall. The woman had spoken of a protective divinity of the island and the men hadn't been long in falling on their knees in front of the wall, overwhelmed with gratitude for this favorable providence.

In the end, Sanji stretched before slowly walking back to the Sunny. He needed to take a shower before joining his friends for lunch in town because despite his outfit, the cement and the soil had made a mess while he had picked up the blocks of stone from the wall before putting them back in place. The Raid Suit was also dirty and he would absolutely have to wash it quickly to prevent the stains from soaking in.

The cook was almost reaching the shore when he felt suddenly dizzy and he froze, clutching a hand to his heart in surprise. He then closed his eyes for a moment to try to dissipate his confusion but soon, a cold draft made him shiver.

He looked up and saw that the sun was still shining brightly above him. Yet he didn't feel its caress on his skin anymore and the pleasant chirping of the birds of the forest had disappeared. The blond then observed his sweaty hands which had started to shake and the evidence made him stumble, his cigarette slipping out of his lips.

Sanji pressed his hands over his eyes and forced himself to take deep breaths to calm the overly fast beating of his heart. He knew he was perfectly in control of his body and mind despite the feeling of unreality that assaulted him and he had decided that he was going to control himself in no time.

"Hey, cook. You got lost?"

Sanji suddenly opened his eyes when hearing the voice of the swordsman a few meters to the left and immediately, he felt his agitation step it up another notch. The cook gritted his teeth, furious with himself, and tried to focus. He would rather bury himself underground than let his crewmate discover him like this, and his fingernails dug hard into the palms of his hands to force himself to regain his senses.

Despite his relentlessness, he knew full well that he wouldn't be able to meet Zoro's gaze or even face the questions the fencer would inevitably ask when he joined him. And the cook was even more aware that wanting to run away from him was delusional. Indeed, by fleeing, Zoro would understand that the blond was trying to escape and he would have no trouble catching up with him by relying on his Observation Haki given Sanji's condition.

A second later, Zoro appeared in his field of vision, a bottle in hand and looking relaxed, but he frowned when he saw the trembling figure of the cook in the middle of the trees. He quickened his pace immediately, his good eye scanning him from head to toe in search of an explanation while he shoved his bottle alongside his blades in his belt to give him free rein.

"What happened?"

Sanji abruptly pushed away the hand that had instinctively moved in his direction to try to look for injuries, and he glared at the fencer despite his jerky breathing. "I'm f-fine, you idiot. Don't touch me."

Zoro paused and his hand fell to his side, clearly surprised. He then stared at his crewmate who was trying to contain his tremors. His eyes were full of anger, but the swordsman was unfazed. "Where are you hurt?"

Facing him, Sanji gritted his teeth. "I'm not hurt. Go find someone else to bother and leave me alone."

At that moment, the blond was pushed back violently and the bark of a trunk against his back took his breath away while the hand of the swordsman crashed next to his head, cutting off all retreat. "Don't fuck with me. You're barely standing and anyone could come after you. What the hell is wrong with you?!"

The cook felt his breath race again in front of the furious gaze of the fencer. He knew that from an outside point of view, his attitude was incomprehensible. For weeks, he had probably given the impression of being completely in his world and Zoro was one of the few people in front of whom it would be useless to deny it. He then tried to fix his gaze on his.

"I'm not lying, mosshead. I'm not hurt."

"How are you such a mess then? Why don't you look for Chopper?"

Sanji looked down despite himself. "I'm not sick, it'll pass. I just need to wait a few minutes."

"Is it poison?"

"No."

Zoro freed the cook from his grip to take a step back, disconcerted. He didn't understand his crewmate. Sanji was clearly in pain but he refused to be treated and his behavior made no sense. Just like him, the cook didn't like to admit that they could be hurt but since no enemy was in sight, it meant that Sanji had won his battle. And in those cases, both of them always ended up finding Chopper after making sure the rest of their friends were okay. Yet at this moment, Sanji did nothing of the kind.

"T-Trust me, mosshead. Just wait for me on the Sunny."

The swordsman looked up when hearing the blond's slightly jerky voice. The cook was stubbornly avoiding his gaze but he couldn't prevent his too rapid breathing and the pallor of his face from revealing his vulnerability. His overly clenched hands were now trying to shield him from an invisible threat as they wrapped around his chest and his jaw was almost crunching because he was trying to keep his teeth from chattering. If he wasn't sick or poisoned, why was his body showing such pain? Why did his eyes reflect such concern?

Zoro's senses told him there was no danger and the atmosphere was serene around them. Sanji had a particularly strong Observation Haki though and he could have perceived an attack before him but then why did he remain prostrate against a tree instead of warning his crewmates or trying to check by himself what it was? Why did he seem paralyzed? Was what he felt so terrifying?

Sanji jumped when the swordsman planted himself inches from his eyes to look at him intently and the blond glared in return.

"What are you doing?"

"What are you afraid of?"

The cook tensed up immediately and Zoro had his answer even if his crewmate's words tried to deny it. "I-I'm not afraid."

The swordsman ignored him and took a closer look at the blond's tense body. Maybe he was still glaring, but Zoro could see his gaze wavering and his voice running low each time a little more when he opened his mouth. "If I didn't know you, I'd say Usopp gave you one of his imaginary diseases when he's scared to death to disembark on a new island. I'd even say you panic as much as him in front of the next enemy to face!"

At these words, Zoro suddenly looked up and the cook looked away just as quickly. The swordsman then gazed at him for a moment. "This is what it's about. You're freaking out."

"Wh-Why would I panic, asshole? There's no danger on this island," The cook replied, his gaze shifting and his lips tight.

"You tell me."

Suddenly, Sanji felt like the world was closing in on him. His heart was pounding so fast in his chest he was convinced that Zoro could hear it and he couldn't regain control of his panicked thoughts. The fencer was distracting him with his too specific questions and not knowing what else to do, the cook awkwardly tried to put his clothes in order but his hands were shaking violently now and the sweat started to accumulate on his forehead.

Sanji squeezed his eyes shut, angry and humiliated at the same time.

"I know very well what the hell is going on so why isn't it enough?!"

Injustice and distress gripped him until he was suffocated. Why was fate so hard on him? He did his best every day but whether it was to please his friends or his own mind, it wasn't enough. Why did he have to fight against himself when he finally felt more at peace? Why couldn't he catch his breath? Why didn't Zoro leave him alone? Why did his body have to betray him when he fully understood the mechanisms of what was happening to him? Why did he have to be so useless?

"Oh, cook, breathe. You're gonna pass out."

The weight of Zoro's hand on his shoulder caused Sanji's back to hit the tree trunk again and the shock pulled him a little out of his infernal spiral. Sanji looked up at the fencer, like in a daze, and Zoro frowned before shaking him again.

"Hey, stay with me." Zoro stared into his absent eyes while Sanji looked at him distractedly. "Focus on your breathing, you idiot. You need to take deep breaths and hold them for as long as possible before exhaling. Count to ten."

The swordsman carefully watched the rhythm at which the blond's chest heaved then, looking for the first signs of appeasement. Unfortunately, Sanji seemed to struggle to follow his instructions and, in the end, Zoro grabbed the blond's head between his hands to fix his gaze on his and force Sanji to focus on him.

"Listen to me, cook. Take a deep breath and hold it. No, hold it. Hold it for a little longer. Okay. Take another one now."

By dint of repetitions, Sanji ended up following the hypnotic rhythm of the swordsman's voice and without realizing it, his disorientation lessened. Gradually, his muscles relaxed and after several minutes, he became aware that his icy hands were gripping the forearms of his crewmate who hadn't let him go either, prolonging their visual exchange in this way. Finally, the cook slowly regained possession of his body and silence settled between them as the warmth of the fencer's hands on his neck left him.

Sanji's hands slid down Zoro's arms to resume their place along his own body but he kept his eyes glued to the ground as he slowly regained his senses. His heart was beating normally and he wasn't shaking anymore. Calm spread through his body and the rays of the sun warmed his skin again. The cook then felt fatigue hit him hard and he blinked. He was exhausted.

His shoulders jerked once, twice, and then once more before Sanji finally fell apart. Tears suddenly flooded his eyes and he let his head fall against the swordsman's chest as his sobs seemed to rip him apart from the inside.

Zoro said nothing and just wrapped his arms around the devastated body in front of him. He didn't know what his crewmate was going through, but he was willing to give Sanji what he had always had to offer those who mattered to him: his presence, even though silent, and the promise that came with it. Whatever Sanji had to say, he would listen.

From now on, be ready for the angst…