MAIDS OF HONOUR

London, England, May 2020

It was a rainy afternoon in Mayfair. Gift bag in one hand and umbrella in the other, Clara Ravenwood walked down the picturesque streets, covered in fallen leaves, jealous of the people who lived there. She always enjoyed the walk down from Fitzrovia into Westminster, especially now that she wasn't on her way to visit someone on their deathbed.

She jumped up the steps of Sally Sparrow's grey-brick townhouse and knocked with the ornate, silver doorknocker, listening carefully to see if she was up. Clara already knew that Esther was out, gone for her weekly jog around Hyde Park with Jenny.

Sally was up; she came shuffling to the door and opened it as slowly as possible, peering out.

"Oh," she said, seeing Clara on the doorstep.

"Am I that disappointing?" said Clara.

"No, I'm expecting a package, that's all – new camera. I've had all this money pooling in savings from when I've not been able to work, and…" She stopped talking and sighed. Her hair was growing back well enough, though it was still short, and in her hands was an entire cake, still in its box from the supermarket, that she was eating from the middle outwards with a tablespoon. "Do you want to come in, then? Even though you technically don't need to be invited into my house anymore." Because Sally was her own vampiric brood Clara could get into her house without an invitation.

"Never say I don't still have manners, though," said Clara, coming inside and wiping her boots on the mat. Sally closed the door behind her.

"What have you got there? Smells interesting," Sally pointed out the bag.

"Well, I'm not just paying a visit-"

"Not checking up on me? Seeing whether I've gone on a killing spree or not?" she asked, dry.

"Have you?" Clara asked.

"Yes. Don't go in the kitchen, I've got them all strung up over buckets. Throats cut, you know." She was still dry and flat when she talked. It used to be that she wouldn't be able to help laughing at her own jokes, annoying as some people found it. Clara hoped that she'd start laughing again soon.

They went into the living room, Sally taking up her place in one of the armchairs again, curtains tightly drawn and candles all around. Clara sat on the sofa and put her gift bag down on the coffee table.

"Sorry, do you want some cake? I should have offered," said Sally, chewing.

"No, far be it from me to separate a vampire from their food."

"There's no blood in the cake," she grumbled. Things were still uneasy with them, Sally unsure whether to love or hate Clara for what she'd done. A lot of other people weren't sure about that, either, though Jenny was coming around. Esther, of course, was over the moon. "Is there blood in that bag, though?" Sally pointed out the gift bag.

"No," said Clara, pulling out a bottle of what she considered expensive ginger liqueur, with a white bow wrapped around it, "It's for you. On one condition."

"What would that be?"

"Well, you remember how Jenny and I decided we weren't having bridal parties? Because we wanted something more intimate?" Clara began, not sure how Sally would take this news.

"Yes?"

"We were lying."

"You do have bridal parties?"

"No, not yet. It's because… well, it was going to be you, I was all set to ask – you did help me choose the ring – but it was only a week after I proposed that we found out about your…"

"You can say it, Clara. Cancer. Terminal cancer."

"Yeah… And we could have asked you anyway, even though you were sick and the date was way off; but then we'd be risking you not being there. And I didn't want you to have to worry or think about that, if you even would have, given everything. But I didn't want to just pick somebody else because, really, the only other option would have been Esther, and obviously, Esther's one of our closest friends, but you'd have known we were planning for you not being there if we did that. So, we decided we wouldn't have any bridal parties. There aren't many guests, anyway."

"And now I will be here."

"Yes. So, here I am, with this bottle of liqueur because – well, you're posh, and posh people drink things like this." Sally rolled her eyes. "Will you be my maid of honour?" asked Clara hopefully.

"…Whose is Jenny's going to be?"

"Who do you think? Esther. She's asking her right now, while they're jogging. There's some muffins in the bag, too, but they're for her. I don't want you eating them all before she comes back, alright? They're pumpkin flavoured."

"Americans," Sally tutted, "Always putting pumpkin in everything."

"I know," Clara sighed, "There's something wrong with them. Anyway, we only talked about this a few nights ago, and Esther would have refused if we'd asked before you were… because she was so focused on looking after you."

"We're just friends, Clara," Sally told her for the millionth time, "We're friends and we live together. And does Jenny really want to ask Esther? Wouldn't she rather ask her ex-girlfriend she has the secret child with?"

"Jennie Jr isn't a secret child, it's complicated, but no. Astrid refuses to time travel."

"Would I have to make a speech?" asked Sally, "Would Esther?"

"If you want to make a speech, you can make a speech. If you don't want to, that's fine, too. The fewer speeches there are, the less chance my dad has to catch onto the fact it's not a normal wedding."

"You're kidding," said Sally, "Your dad still doesn't know you're gay?"

"Oh, ha, ha. That's not what I meant. And I'm bi, you'd better get that right, for your speech. Assuming this is you saying yes, you do want to be my maid of honour?"

"Well, of course I do," said Sally. "I don't know why you didn't ask Esther, though, and let Jenny ask me, since I'm assuming you're doing all the planning? You should swap, then Jenny and I can sit around and do cake tastings, and you and Esther can do everything else."

"No, that's exactly why Jenny's asking Esther. I need someone reliable to get her to dress fittings since I can't go with her," said Clara.

"But Esther loves admin. Calling people on the phone to make appointments is her favourite hobby. I never even talked to my oncologist, she dealt with it all."

"I'm also good at admin, alright? Plus, you did plan an entire wedding before, didn't you?"

"Larry did most of the work. And then I jilted him at the altar."

"Yes, but there's no stakes to this wedding, you're not getting married. Unless Jenny doesn't show up, then you're legally obligated to take her place," Clara told her.

"That's not real. I just don't want your crush on me to colour the fact that Esther would be a far better maid of honour."

"She'll still be involved. It'll be the four of us, you know? Like it always is. Like ABBA."

"I think the members of ABBA got divorced, though," said Sally.

"That's why we'll be better than them. You and I will never get divorced."

"You and Jenny."

"That's what I said."

"Right… are you sure Jenny's fine with this?" asked Sally.

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"Because you fancy me."

"Oh, it's alright, she trusts you."

"But she doesn't trust you?"

"Nah, don't think so," said Clara nonchalantly. She cleared her throat. "There's one more thing, though."

"What? Don't say I have to book you a stripper, I'm not doing that."

"No, no," said Clara, taking something else out of the large bag. Sally thought it might be a plate, going by the size and shape, but it was in birthday wrapping paper.

"My birthday is in October," said Sally.

"It was all we had in," said Clara, "But, here. It's not a maid of honour thing, it's a vampire thing."

"Okay…" she said, suspicious, taking it from Clara and unwrapping it slowly. She was alarmed when she finished taking the paper off and turned the object over to see her own face, staring back at her, pale and still somewhat sickly but better than she'd looked in all the months before. "I don't – how does this – this is a mirror, my reflection-"

"The Doctor has this weird mirror that can help see invisible creatures – something to do with Van Gogh, I'm not sure. But, years ago, when this first happened to me, he gave that mirror to Jenny. And now I had her strong-arm him into building a new one. Apparently, it's quite complicated and involves some Time Lord secrets, so try not to break it."

"How does it work?" asked Sally. She hadn't seen herself for weeks now. Walking past cars, windows, and even going into the bathroom, nothing was ever there, as if she wasn't real. But now… "My hair's dreadful."

"Don't say that," said Clara, "You're gorgeous no matter what your hair looks like. And I don't know how it works, but it manages to trick whatever it is that takes your reflection away. Confounds the photons, something like that." Overwhelmed, she put the mirror face down on the coffee table, next to the bag. "I know, it's strange."

"I don't really look like myself."

"You don't have to use it. But it's nice to have. You know, humans lived for thousands of years without mirrors."

"Maybe that's the real reason they invented them. To spot us." She paused and ate more cake. "How long does it take to get used to it? To calling yourself that?"

"What? A vampire?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure. I hated it all at first. But I had Jenny, and you've got me. And you also have Jenny, obviously, if you ever want to talk to her," said Clara, "It's a bit like coming out though, I think."

"Is it?"

"It's just… something that's part of you that you need to accept, and that can take a while. I wasn't that comfortable telling people I'm bisexual for a few years after I worked it out. Although, it's not a great comparison, since-"

"Since you can't turn people gay, but you did turn me into a vampire?" said Sally.

"Well, exactly. But, you know, if you ever do start wondering if you might be-"

"If you keep flirting with me, I'm going to back out of the wedding," said Sally, warning her.

"I always flirt with you, Sal, I can't help it." Sally paused for a while, looking at Clara and thinking.

"…That's true, isn't it?" she said eventually, "You do always flirt with me. Even when I was up there on my deathbed with weeks left to live." Clara didn't know what to say. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I didn't realise until now. It made me feel more normal, that you kept on with it all."

"If you're looking for a particular way to thank me-"

"No, not happening. I'll thank you with my words, from all the way over here," she said, indicating the space between them, Clara on the edge of the sofa and her in the armchair, coffee table in the way. "Do you want a glass of this liqueur, then? I can't drink it all on my own."

"Absolutely! I can't wait to see if ginger liqueur is as unpleasant as it sounds."

"It's fine," said Sally, "It's good to have for an afternoon at Epsom."

"What were you at Epsom for? The Derby?" said Clara, watching her on her way out of the room to go fetch glasses from the kitchen.

"Well, yes. Haven't you ever been? We used to go every year for Derby Day."

"I once had sex under the scaffold of the Grand National at the Pleasure Beach," said Clara, "So, that's… similar." Sally stared at her. "It was raining."

"Which one is the Grand National? The horrible wooden one?"

"Yes. It's nearly a hundred years old."

"What if it had collapsed?"

"The sex wasn't that good," said Clara, "In fact, I'd even say it was bad. I was seventeen."

"As long as he enjoyed himself."

"How did you know it was with a boy?"

"One teenage girl willing to shag someone underneath a roller coaster in broad daylight is hard enough to believe, but two of them?" said Sally, "I'll get those glasses." She disappeared and Clara crossed her arms, annoyed.

As luck would have it, though, Jenny and Esther had already been out jogging for a while. She heard voices approaching on the other side of the front window. Esther always stood out, drawling as she was about flower arrangements. Clara went to meet them, opening the door just as Esther pulled out her key.

"Hey!" said Esther brightly, "I've just heard all the news from Jenny – she did say yes, didn't she?"

"When I asked her to marry me? I think so," said Clara, smiling at Jenny.

"No, I mean Sally."

"Yes, she did. She's just getting me some ginger liqueur."

"That sounds awful," said Esther, going past her, "Listen, have you thought about the flowers yet? Because I've got a lot of thoughts-"

"You're not hijacking my wedding, Esther," Clara told her, "You're to make sure she remembers to go and get a dress and hold the rings. That's it."

"You're giving me the rings?"

"We all know I'll just lose them," said Sally, coming out of the kitchen at the back of the house. Everybody filed back into the living room.

"Listen," Clara touched Jenny's arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Would you have sex with me underneath a roller coaster? In the scaffolding bit?" she asked.

"I don't know. What's the roller coaster like?"

"Horrible. Old, wooden, always breaking down."

"Hm…"

"And there's a rainstorm in this, uh, hypothetical situation."

"…I'll be honest, I can't think of many places I wouldn't sleep with you. Who did you do that with, though?"

"Just a boy, I was seventeen, that's not important. What's important, Sally, is that Jenny is a girl and she'd also do the roller coaster thing," she said loudly, dragging Jenny into the room to sit next to her on the sofa and then picking up her glass of vivid, orange alcohol.

"Yeah, you really showed me," said Sally, sipping her drink. "This is going to be a fun few months, then? Especially if Jenny keeps bringing us pumpkin muffins."

"There are pumpkin muffins!?" said Esther, "Where?" Sally pointed at the bag and she rifled through it, taking out the last item it contained: a plastic tub full of muffins.

"Orange muffins, orange liqueur, is this a message about the theme?" said Sally, "Are you having an orange wedding?"

"That's not a theme," said Clara, "And, no. That would be horrid. It's a coincidence."

"I don't know, I think it could be tasteful," said Esther, "An orange bouquet. It would be very autumnal."

"Yes, or Halloweeny," said Clara, making a face, "We're already a vampire and an alien. That's enough Halloween. And besides, we're looking at a winter wedding. It will all be very tasteful."

"You could theme it around Christmas!" said Esther.

"No," said Clara, Jenny, and Sally all at once. Clara went on, "There isn't going to be a theme. It will be a normal wedding. Apart from all the weird stuff."

"This is great," said Jenny, "You three are going to plan a whole wedding and I barely have to be involved."

"You know what you should do?" said Sally, "Go on Don't Tell the Bride. Let Jenny plan the whole thing. Plus, they give you the money for it."

"That's a nightmare," said Jenny. She turned to Clara, "Are we sticking around, then? Or going straight back? I'm at work in three hours, funny shifts this week."

"We can stay for a bit," said Clara, "It'll be nice. You, me, our two maids of honour. Just the four of us."

"It's always just the four of us," said Sally.

"The tall lesbians are perfectly welcome to join us for our movie nights if they like," said Clara, meaning Nios and Cohen.

"But they never do," Sally reminded her.

"Yeah, well… they're not in the wedding party. Let's watch something, put the telly on," said Clara, "Put on Don't Tell the Bride." Sally picked up the remote.

"I'd rather not," said Jenny, "Put on one of those cooking shows."

"No, renovations," said Esther, "We should watch the one where they fix up each other's houses."

"You mean Changing Rooms," said Sally.

"Yes! I still think we should apply to do that."

"Well, I've got a lot of paranormal shows ready to watch," said Sally, "And it is my house."

They all wanted to watch something else, and the arguing continued and continued. The four of them never had been good at all coming to a decision.