"C'mon now, Hoss, we've seen each other in just about every situation imaginable, and now all of a sudden you're gonna get shy on me?"
"Yes, well…" Mac shuts the apartment door behind him and stands there, suddenly finding the large print of Telly Savalas fascinating. "Having to shower side by side or even us having to share body heat in order to survive is miles away from seeing you—seeing your…"
Mac waves his arm in Jack's general direction as he closes his eyes and crosses to the kitchen. At least standing there allows Mac, and Jack, the protection the height of his island provides.
Not that Jack seems to care.
At all.
Because he's still walking casually around his apartment absolutely, completely in the nude.
"…seeing you doing whatever handstand thing you were attempting to pull off," he finishes.
"It's called theCrow Pose,"Jack tosses over his shoulder as he bends over, bare ass in the air, and starts rolling up the mat he was just previously exercising on. Mac scrubs a hand down his face and drops his head with a sigh, knowing full well his partner is doing that on purpose. The bastard.
"It opens up the hips. Strengthens your core, arms, and wrists," Jack informs him.
"It sure did open up something," Mac mumbles.
Jack stands up and turns around, a broad smile on his face as he looks at Mac. "Aww, Angus, that blush is adorable on you."
"I'm not blushing. It's not my fault I have fair skin," Mac defends with a huff. "And I'm being practical."
Okay, he's mostly being practical. He loves Jack like a brother. Will do anything for him and has taken care of him at his most vulnerable. But there is still certain…aspects of him that Mac would have preferred not to see.
"It's broad daylight. You have no curtains on those sliders," Mac reminds Jack. "Any of your neighbors coming and going are going to get an eye full."
Jack glances back at the slider in question then looks back at him with a nonchalant shrug.
"Anyone being disrespectful enough to be peeping into homes that aren't theirs deserves the eye full of Jack Wyatt Dalton in all his glory that they get."
Mac can't help but chuckle at that as he shakes his head.
"Wouldn't clothes be better, though, Jack,"And safer for the rest of us,Mac thinks to himself, trying to actually win Jack over with logic. "Absorb sweat. Support and protect—"
"My dangly bits from being all dangly?" Jack drawls, his smile curling up into a grin.
"I was going was to sayto support and protect your muscles," Mac corrects, and Jack's grin widens as he laughs.
Mac rolls his eyes in exasperation. "You're such a child. Why do you have to make this weird?'
"Me? I ain't makin' nothin' weird," Jack defends. "I'm mindin' my own business exercising atCasa 're the one bein' all Weirdy MacWeirderson over there."
"Naked, Jack. You areIn. The. Nude."
"I'll have you know that performing yoga in the nude removes the restrictions that clothing possesses," Jack informs him. "Gives you a greater sense of freedom. Allows you to feel each part of your body as it stretches and moves from one pose to the next and results in a more mindful and connected practice."
"That's… actually very Zen of you, Jack," Mac admits.
"Why, thank you, kind sir," Jack says with a flourish of his arm and a tip of head. "'Sides… you know how sweaty I get when I expend a lot of energy—"
"Oh, I do," Mac agrees.
"—and you know tight clothes on top of sweat makes my sensitive skin chafe—"
"That's why I keep telling you to give up those skinny jeans you insist on wearing all the time."
"I ain't givin' up my skinny jeans," Jack grouses. "'Sides, that's what all my lotions are for, remember."
Mac does remember. Jack's special lotion collection, as well as his collection of hair products, is right at the top of the list of items that he keeps in his Go Bag at all times.
"So… next…," Jack asked.
Mac looks at his partner in confusion. "Next? Next, what? Next, you're finally going to put some clothes on?"
"Nope." Jack pops thepon the end of the word as he crosses the room, and Mac can't help the cringe of potential pain as Jack grabs one of the barstools, spins it around and drops down as he straddles it.
"Next," Jack continues giving Mac a wink as he makes a show of settling himself in the chair. "As in you're 0 for 2, brainiac, in trying to convince me what a bad idea it is for me to do yoga in the suit God gifted me with. Never known you to back down or give up. So…. Bring it on."
"Okay then." If that was the game they're playing, Mac certainly isn't going to back down from the challenge, and it only takes him a moment to think of another reason. "Defense."
"Defense?"
"Yes, defense," Mac repeats. "Mercs come crashing through your door, whichhashappened before, you really want to be fighting them in your birthday suit? No weapons on you?"
"That is a good one, I'll give you that. But, uh uh, score another point for Team Naked," Jack declares, lifting one of his fingers and swiping a tally mark on an imaginary chalkboard. "As much as hand-to-hand sans clothes isn't exactly optimal, and you're right I wouldn't have any weaponsonme, I wouldn't be weaponless. You can't walk anywhere in this apartment without a weapon of some kind bein' within reach."
Mac should've known that. Jack is nothing if not always prepared, and Mac can't help but glance around the apartment trying to figure out where he's hidden them.
"Coupla Glocks are underneath the couch," Jack points out as Mac continues to glance around the interior of the apartment. "Beretta taped to the underside of the barber's chair other there. Then there's the row of tactical knives attached to the back of the television, a few false floorboards and hollowed out books scattered about holding an array of nifty toys. Oh, and can't forget my katana. And see that light switch there, the one off to your right a bit?"
"That one?" Mac points a finger at the wall switch. "The one under the cabinet?"
"That's the one," Jack confirmed. "Flip it on."
Mac gave his best friend a skeptical look but does as he's asked. A gasp of surprise falls from his open mouth as a secret drawer beneath the cabinet pops open to reveal four small throwing knives, their razor shaper edges gleaming in the sunlight.
Jack waggled his eyebrows, looking mighty pleased with himself. And Mac has to hand it to him, it was impressive.
"Now see, that's 3 strikes. You should be out. No passing Go or collectin' $200 for you," Jack drawls. "But my,naked, yoga session this morning has left me nice and relaxed and feeling generous, so I'll give you a coupla more tries."
"Much appreciate. But I'm only going to need to one."
"Is that so?" Jack says slowly, resting his arms along the back of the stool as he studies Mac.
Mac crosses his arms across his chest, a smile just this side of smug on his face as he stares back at Jack. Because this is it. There's no way Jack can counter argue and put a check in the positive column for this one.
"Riley," Mac says.
"Riley?" Jack asks.
"Yes," Mac tells him with confidence. "With yourfamily don't knockrule, you really want your little girl walking right in and getting an eye full ofJack Wyatt Dalton in all his glory?"
"Well now, gotta give you props for that one," Jack says. "That is a good one. But unfortunately, that's another goose egg for you, because that's never going to happen."
"Never say never, Jack. You taught me that," Mac reminds his partner.
"Mmm hmm, I did," Jack answers. "But I also taught you that there's an exception to every rule. And in this case, it's Riley. I know for a fact she will never ever walk in and see bare me."
"And how can you be so sure of that?"
"Because I dated her mom," Jack responds simply, spinning the barstool back and forth, like those five words are the obvious answer.
"How does dating Riley's mom convince you that Riley won't one day walk in and see you totally naked, especially with yourwalk right in, none of us have to knockinstruction?"
As soon as the words are out of his mouth realization hits him and Mac knows he shouldn't have asked, and that he's going to regret not thinking before he spoke. As usual, Jack doesn't disappoint.
"You see," Jack begins. "Diane had this big ole oak table in the dining room and one day—"
"Stop! Stop… Please, stop. Do not continue," Mac begs. "There's not enough bleach in the world to scrub this all from my mind. Poor Riley. No wonder she hated you so much."
"Certainly did teach her a lesson about skippin' school and tryin' to sneak back into the house," Jack drawls. "But to get back to your question, Riley Davis learned her lesson about walkin' in unannounced, and always—always—texts or calls me first before comin' over."
Jack peels himself slowly off the vinyl chair with a slight grimace and Mac almost—almost—feels sorry for him. He purposely keeps his eyes and attention on the top of Jack's head as his partner rounds the island, his hips swinging back and forth as he struts across the kitchen and opens the fridge, rummaging around the shelves and eventually reappearing with a bottle of water.
"You ever going to get dressed?" Mac inquires. "We're due very soon for a mandatory meeting at Phoenix, you know."
Before Jack can even open his mouth, Mac is holding up a hand to stop the words he knows his best friend is going to say. "No. Absolutely. . You are not going to go to our meeting with Oversight and the Director naked."
"You're no fun, hoss," Jack pouts as he nonchalantly leans against the counter, opens the bottle of water and finishes it in one long pull.
"One of us needs to be the mature one and keep you out of trouble with our bosses," Mac returns. A sudden thought occurs to him, and Mac straightens up. He can't believe he didn't think of this before, because if anything—anyone—has the power to put fear into Jack Dalton, to get him to keep his clothes on and save the rest of them from walking into nightmare-inducing images, this is it.
"Matty," Mac announces, confidence in his voice as he locks eyes with Jack. "Matty certainly wouldn't be giving you any heads-up or fore-warning of her arrival. She would just...show up. You really want Matty Webber to be seeing you naked?"
"Wonderkid still has a card to play, does he?" Jack grins as he crosses the space between them. Mac's confidence wans the closer he gets, because Mac knows that shark-tooth grin that Jack is wearing. He's seen it directed at their bad guys du jour who think they've been smart enough to pull one over on him and out con him.
"Now see," Jack began quietly, "that would only work as a deterrent if Mathilda and I hadn't already been nude with each other enough times for that to be a bother to either of us."
Jack patted him on the cheek with a wink and Mac watched as he walked away, his ass swaying back and forth as he whistled some tune that Mac couldn't identify above the buzzing in his ears.
Hadn't already been nude with each other. Nothad seen each other in the nude.
Mac scrubbed both hands down his face as he dropped his head. Forget the bleach, Mac was going to have to figure out how to build that time machine and erase this entire morning.