Episode 2: Radio Killed the Video Star
I woke up the next morning with a massive headache. I did not get much sleep last night. My mind kept thinking about my wedding with Adam. Charlie already knew. I wonder if she told Vaggie yet? KeeKee leaped up on my shoulder and rested her head on my shoulder as if to comfort me. I patted her head.
"You have no idea what's happening, do you?" I said while scratching her fur. KeeKee meowed in response.
I heard a knock on my door and Vaggie walked in. "Lana? Are you you okay, sweetie?" Vaggie asked me. She sat down next to me on the bed.
"Yeah, Mother. Just thinking." I said. "Did Mom tell you yet?"
"About you're engagement. She told me last night." Vaggie said.
I began to cry. "I- I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't have a choice... He would've moved up the Extermination more if I didn't..."
Vaggie pulled me into a hug. "It's okay, sweetie. I understand." Vaggie said.
"I'm scared," I said.
"I know..." Vaggie said. It was silent for a minute before Vaggie spoke up again. "Do you want some breakfast? You must be hungry."
"No... Not really." I said. I was too depressed to think about food right now.
"C'mon, you have to eat. Why don't you get ready, and I'll make you something." Vaggie said.
I sighed. "Okay, Mother," I said.
Vaggie left my room so I could get ready. I got on my Taylor Swift shirt and my leggings before brushing my hair. I was about to leave my room until I saw my wedding ring. I debated weather or not to put on my ring. I decided not to because I don't want people speculating that I'm getting married like how Angel almost caught on yesterday.
After breakfast, Charlie gathered everyone in the main room. Charlie was pacing back and fourth in panic mode. KeeKee was walking alongside Charlie.
"Okay. So, the extermination is coming in six months instead of a year! No big deal, just a little setback. Nothing we can't handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half, but who needs a whole year to save souls, am I right?!" Charlie cried. Charlie starts to panic again. "And next time when they cut the time in half again, and again, we'll just handle it, right?!"
Vaggie grabs Charlie, calming her down. "Yes, we will."
"Oh, please. Ya had less then half a chance when you started all this salvation bullshit. And now..." Angel was cut off when his phone vibrates with violent threatening messages such as 'fucking bitch' "Ain't no silver lining this time, toots."
I looked at Angel with concern when I saw his threatening messages. Angel gives me a side glance before going back to his phone.
"Sure, there is! We just... have to look harder for it! I mean... we might have a slightly better chance now because Lana is marrying Adam to convince him to stop extermination!" Charlie said.
The whole room fell silent. My cheeks turned bright red.
"Charlie!" Vaggie shouted, slapping her hand on her mouth.
"Shit." Charlie cursed. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yeah..." Vaggie said.
"Wait... you're marrying Adam, the leader of the angel army? I knew something was off about you when you walked in wearing that wedding ring last night." Angel said.
"Mom! I told you not to tell anyone!" I shouted.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I got ahead of myself, and I don't think straight when I panic. But at least now you don't have to worry about hiding it anymore..." Charlie said.
"Y'know you could've told me. I wasn't going to judge you or anything like that." Angel said.
"I just... didn't want the word spreading," I said.
"I say this is a safe space to talk to others about your feelings. But whatever we say has to stay inside this hotel, okay?" Charlie said.
"That's fair, I guess," I said.
"Anyways, while you guys are looking' the rest'a hell's going nuts," Angel said, waving his phone in our faces. "People are already freakin' out about the news. Look at what's happenin'
He scrolls down an artical with the bottom showing a demon screaming in front of a fire. Suddenly, a pink message appears. Charlie and I get closer to read it.
"Err, what is a... "Donkey show?" I asked.
Angel panics and retreats the phone back.
"Aah, heh. Nothin'. My boss, Val is just freaked out about the news too. Like I said, everyone's losin' their shit." Angel said.
"Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate. Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?" Vaggie said.
Charlie gasps and said, "This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!"
"Cute idea and all, but you really gonna go out in all of this?" Angel said. Angel waves the phone with the place still on fire and demons in panic. "Maybe we should wait until Lana's wedding. Hey, when is the wedding by the way?"
"In two months," I said.
"So that would give you four months to convince him," Angel said.
"Yeah," I said. "I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do that, honestly."
"Now would be the perfect time to help Lana with that," Charlie said.
"Cute idea and all, but you guys really gonna go out in all this?" Angel said. Angel waves the phone with the place still on fire and demons in panic.
"Whatever it takes to convince my fiancé to stop extermination," I said.
"Yeah, and it's not like people are just gonna show up on our doorstep-" Charlie was cut off when a sudden massive explosion made me and Charlie scream with fright behind, getting our attention.
"Damn it Mom, why would you say that?!" I shouted.
We turn to see a freshly made hole in the wall, then I saw on the outside to see Sir Pentious zeppelin armed for battle. I saw his egg boiz scattered around.
"Show yourself Alasssstor! Come and face-" Sir Pentious pauses for a moment when he notices Alastor absent from the freshly made hole. He then looks to see him sipping his coffee on the balcony of the second floor.
"Oh, there you are. Face my wrath!" Sir Pentious shouted.
"Who are you?" Alastor demanded.
"Who am I? Who am I?! I am the great Ssssssir Pentiousssss!" Sir Pentious said.
Alastor dissolves into fog as he descends to the ground, materializing aside Angel, Vaggie, me, and Charlie who are in the scene watching Sir Pentious's zeppelin.
"Inventor, architect of dessstruction, villain extraordinaire!" Sir Pentious said.
"Ooh! You tell 'em, boss!" Egg Boiz said.
Niffity appears on Alastor's shoulder, clearly starstruck.
"Oooooh, he's a bad boy~" Niffity said.
Alastor scoops Niffity up and drops her to the ground.
"Hah, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you," Alastor said.
"I attacked you literally last week." Sir Pentious said.
Alastor cocks his head.
"We've done battle, like... 20 times?" Sir Pentious said.
"Well, you must be really bad at this," Alastor said.
"Silence! Now cower! For when I've ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal." Sir Pentious said.
Niffity reappears on Alastor's shoulder.
"Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?" Niffity asked.
"Oh, nobody important," Alastor said.
Alastor begins attacking the zeppelin with his black tentacles and Sir Pentious screams for help.
"Arrgh! Oh! Please! Stop!" Sir Pentious shouted.
"Um... Alastor? I think he's had enough." Charlie said.
"Nah. He's got a few more hits in him." Angel said.
"You're not helping, Angel," I said.
Sir Pentious falls from zeppelin in front of Alastor, face first on the ground. Alastor twirls his staff.
"Thanks for another forgettable experience," Alastor said.
An Egg Boi falls and breaks into pieces in front of Charlie.
"Thank you... for letting your guard down!" Sir Pentious said. Using his tail, he grabs a bit of Alastor's suit.
"Aha! Yah! Oh, shit..." Sir Pentious said.
Sir Pentious looks up to see Alastor's shadow transform in front of him and Alastor apparently makes an elk bulge. I saw a massive green explosion as Sir Pentious is seen flying off to the city screaming as he disappears from sight.
"Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor! Best of luck, chums." Alastor said.
"Wait, you're leaving?! Alastor! We need your help! We need you to do your job!" Vaggie shouted.
"Yeah man, you can't just walk out like that!" I shouted.
Angel gestures to the hole in the wall. "We need a wall," Angel said.
"Of course! Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?!" Alastor said.
With a snap of his fingers, black ink demons appear with construction tools as Alastor walks away. Angel takes an interest and looks at one of the larger muscular demons.
Angel giggles. "Hey, sweet cheeks. Whatcha doin' later? I love a man with a giant... tool." Angel said.
Vaggie walks over to me. "Lana, now would be a good time to go find a way to convince Adam to stop extermination day and find some new recruit," Vaggie said.
"Okay, Mother," I said.
Charlie joins me and Vaggie. There was not one single recruit willing to go into the hotel. I felt myself getting frustrated. I have a lot of pressure on me right now. Charlie, Vaggie, and I returned to the hotel a few hours later. Charlie and I throw ourselves onto the couch, exhausted.
"Ugh, someone please kill me and make it quick," I said.
"No Lana! Stop saying that! We can't give up." Charlie said.
"Soooo? How'd it go?" Angel asked.
Vaggie sighed. "Not a single recruit," Vaggie said.
"And I couldn't find anything," I said.
"Yeah, well. Who would wanna use their last days not fucking and fighting." Angel said.
As Angel checks his phone, Vaggie hears a knock at the front door. She walks over to it and opens the door, only to find Sir Pentious behind it, holding his hat.
"Who's that, Mother?" I asked.
"No one important." Vaggie said.
"Why hello, my dear-" Sir Pentious said.
Sir Pentious is cut off by Vaggie punching him in the face. He falls when Vaggie brought out her spear at him. Sir Pentious cowers in fear with the tip barely at his neck, and held a peace sign gesture.
"Wait, wait, wait! I come in peace." Sir Pentious said. The 'S' sound in peace is drawn out, in mimicry of a snake.
"What are you doing here?" Vaggie demanded. Charlie and I appear behind Vaggie.
"Vaggie, what's the problem?" Charlie gasps when we saw Sir Pentious. "Oh! Hello again!"
"I didn't come looking for a fight! I uhh... I heard that you're helping people. People who want to be better?" Sir Pentious said.
Charlie lets out another gasp and runs over to grab his hand and lead him to the door of the hotel.
"You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our-" Angel appears from the door and cuts off Charlie.
"Are you fucking nuts? This chump was trying to kill us like literally 6 hours ago! And now you wanna bring him in here to live with us?" Angel said.
"For once Angel is right. Look, Mom, I'm all for second chances but isn't it a little sus that a guy who tried to attack us wants to be redeemed in the same day?" I said.
"Aw, thanks big girl~ You really do care for me!" Angel said.
"Angel! I swear to god I'll-" I was about to pounce when Vaggie held me back.
"Break it up, you two," Vaggie said.
"Guys! This place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this slithery... slippery... special little man!" Charlie said.
"Aren't you supposed to protect this place?" Angel said to Vaggie.
Charlie gives her puppy-dog eyes, begging Vaggie to give Sir Pentious a chance to live in the hotel. Vaggie gives in and sighs.
"I guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine," Vaggie said. Sir Pentious; cobra head lifts with anticipation. "Or even with the war machine." Sir Pentious' cobra head flops down with depression, sighing.
Charlie was so happy that she hugs Vaggie, lifting her up in the process and twirling her around once.
"Oh! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!" Charlie said excitedly.
Charlie leads Sir Pentious to the door inside of the hotel.
"Oh no, darling! Thank you! You won't regret this!" Sir Pentious said.
Angel follows soon afterwards.
"Eh, I give you a week tops," Angel said.
"This guy is still sus to me," I said.
Charlie gives Sir Pentious the tour of the hotel, introducing Husk to him. The wall he blew up before it was fixed.
"So, this is the bar and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall after you broke the last one. Heh, and oh! Oh! This is the-"
Vaggie grabs Charlie to calm her down again.
"Babe, you don't have to show him every detail," Vaggie said.
"Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest!" Charlie said happily.
"Uh, what the hell am I then?" Angel said.
"Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel. But you uhm, uh..." Charlie was looking for the right words to say until Vaggie cut her off.
"Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?" Vaggie said.
"What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested for once," Charlie said.
As Charlie walks back to Sir Pentious, Angel looks downtrodden. I think he was feeling sad about Vaggie's comment and Charlie's unintentional dismissal of him. I walked over to Angel.
"Hey, cheer up, man. I'm sure they didn't mean it. We're still happy to have you here." I said. I placed a hand on his shoulder. Angel gives me a small smile.
"Thanks, Lana," Angel said.
Niffity is seen playing with KeeKee with a string when Charlie and Sir Pentious approach. KeeKee hisses at the sight of Sir Pentious and scatters away while Niffity turns to meet him.
"Over here we have our maid, Niffity," Charlie said.
Niffity gasps. "The bad boy is back!" Niffity said.
Niffity gets up on Sir Pentious and holds his collars, looking at him with insanity in her red eye and a very sadistic smile, which creeps out Sir Pentious.
"Never leave me again," Niffity said in a creepy whisper.
"We're about 80% sure she's harmless," Charlie said. Charlie walks over to me with Sir Pentious.
"And this is my daughter, Lana," Charlie said.
"Hi," I said a bit nervously.
"Hello." Sir Pentious said.
Charlie continues walking but nearly bumps into Alastor. "Oh! Uh, Alastor! Our gracious facility manager! You've met our newest guest Sir Pentious... hehe..." Charlie said.
"Ah, yes! You're the one who ruined my coat!" Alastor said.
Alastor's eyes glow red in the dark with a violent temptation to rip him a part.
"I definitely remember you now," Alastor said in a sinisterly tone.
"Shit," I said.
Sir Pentious gulps nervously.
"Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson!" Charlie clears her throat before continuing. "How to apologize! The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong. Why don't you give it a try?"
"Yes...uhm... Mr. uhm... Radio Demon sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat... uhm... here." Sir Pentious said.
As a token of apology, Sir Pentious hands back the small fabric he tore from Alastor's coat. Alastor takes it and inspects the damage.
"Ah-ha! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, it must have meant quite a lot to you." Alastor said.
Despite being generous, Alastor spontaneously combusts the fabric tear into green flames, leaving Sir Pentious, Charlie, and I stunned.
Charlie gathers us into the main room of the hotel, introducing Sir Pentious.
Charlie starts introducing us with a game. "Now, with a new resident, I think it's important we all get to know each other! So we are going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me. My name is Charlie *claps twice* I like to sing *claps twice* and when we get to know each other it's the greatest thing!" *claps twice*
Sir Pentious went next. "My name is Sir Pentious *claps twice* I like to build *claps twice* and despite my stupid Egg Bois, I think I'm very skilled!" *claps twice*
Now it was my turn. "My name is Lana *claps twice* My favorite anime is RWBY *claps twice* I love movies and movie theaters *claps twice* and I have a fiancé who is an asshole." *claps twice*
When it was Angel's turn, he looked disinterested, looking up from his phone.
"This is stupid," Angel said.
"This- is not- stupid! *claps twice* It's just a game! Sir Pentious and Lana did it well so now please try to do the same." *claps twice*
"I am too sober for this," Angel said.
"Well, get used to it and learn how to play. This is gonna be your whole day!" *claps twice* Vaggie said.
A few minutes later, Angel is wearing a trench coat and hat. He reads a script. Sir Pentious is also acting as an innocent child, wearing a sailor's suit, licking a comically large lollipop.
"Oh, I'm a bad man on the streets who never gets hugs, now, where's an innocent kid who I can sell crack too? Wow, who wrote this?" Angel said.
"Come on, you're an actor, aren't you?" I said.
"It's great, right?" Charlie said.
"Hey, you," Angel said to Sir Pentious.
"Who, me?" Sir Pentious said.
"Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some... devil's dandruff?" Oh, for fucks sake." Angel said.
"Not me! I have to go home and study!" Sir Pentious said.
"Come on, kid. It'll make you cool like me... the crackhead." Angel said.
"The only cool thing here to say is no to drugs! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourses before marriage!" Sir Pentious said.
Charlie stands up and claps. "Yes! Oh bravo!" Charlie chuckles. "Wow, Pentious! At this rate, you'll be redeemed in no time!"
"I... I'm going to bed." Angel said.
As Angel heads back to his room, he overhears Charlie congratulating Sir Pentious. Looking back at them, he looks sad. I grew worried about Angel.
"I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious! That was amazing!" Charlie said.
"Thank you! Thank you! You like me! You really like me!" Sir Pentious said.
I walked over to Angel to see if he was okay. "Hey Angel, are you doing okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Lana. Just tired." Angel said.
"You don't look fine," I said.
"I- I- Look, it's just- what do you care, anyway? It's not like it has something to do with you. Besides, you already have a lot going on with your marriage. I don't wanna bring you in with more of my problems." Angel said.
"I know it doesn't. But you can talk to me about stuff. You're my best friend." I said.
Angel sighed. "I- I just want to be alone, okay?" Angel said.
"Alright. Goodnight." I said. Angel went to his room. I decided to go to my room too. Today was a rough day and I needed some time to myself too.
Angel's POV:
In my room, Fat Nuggets is asleep on my bed, slightly snoring until I accidentally throw my coat on top of him. Fat Nuggets grunts and crawls out of the coat and watches me lie down on the bed. I glumly look at my phone and see all my voicemails from my boss, Valentino. I sighed and began to play them. I noticed that Valentino's voice messages switch back and forth between a friendly, apologetic tone, and a barrage of screams threatening violence.
Valentino's voice messages:
"Angel baby, come home! It's not the same without you here, I miss you! Come back-"
"ANGEL, YOU BITCH! IF YOU DON'T COME HOME, YOU'LL BE FUCKING GREASY TRUCKERS FOR THE NEXT YEAR-"
"Hey, amorcito, I didn't mean to yell, but you know how crazy you make me-"
"YOU FUCKING SLUT!"
"Hey, Angie! About earlier-"
"-KILL YOUR WHOLE FUCKIN' FAMILY!"
Work's really stressful!
"-LITTLE COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"
Valentino's voice changed to a disembodied voice. "You actually think you can change?" Valentino's voice was dead serious.
Red smoke appears from nowhere, and circles around me until Val stops talking, ending with the smoke clinging around my neck and chin like hands before fading away.
"Addict trash like you don't deserve to change. I'll see you soon, baby." Valentino said.
I sighed as Fat Nuggets gets on the bed next to me. I gently rub his head and back. "...Sorry. Not now, Fat Nuggets." I said.
I get up and leave my room with Fat Nuggets looking worried. I was worried myself. My boss hasn't been the friendliest person since I have left his studio to live at the Hazbin Hotel. I go over to Husk's bar, pick up a whole bottle, and start drinking alcohol. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice something slithering away. I follow, finding Charlie's office door opened, and take a peek inside. Then, I discover Sir Pentious who is setting up a small camera in one of the bookshelves, a camera that belonged to Vox. I realize what he is doing and slammed the door open.
"You slippery little shit!" I yelled.
Sir Pentious yelps in surprise at my arrival.
"You're working for the Vee's? I fucking knew there was something shitty about you." I said.
"I don't know what you're talking about!... whore bug!" Sir Pentious shouted.
I was angered at his comment. I tackled Sir Pentious to the ground. I punch him in the face before wrestling him.
"Get you're aggressively average body... OFF OF ME!" Sir Pentious yelled.
Sir Pentious's eyes spiral hypnotic powers to me. I become momentarily hypnotized.
"Fuck!" I yelled.
I back away. I then quickly snap out of it. I now have Sir Pentious cornered. Right then, Charlie, Vaggie, and Lana woke up after hearing the scuffle.
Charlie yawns. "What is going on?" Charlie asked.
"What is with all that noise?" Lana said.
"This little bitch is a traitor!" I yelled.
Lana's POV:
I slumped down in my bed, feeling exhausted. I turned on my TV to watch a movie to try to distract myself from my anxiety thoughts. There was a new movie on my TV being advertised that caught my attention. It was called "FALL" I haven't seen it in the theaters, but it's a movie I have been wanting to see for a long time.
The movie was a thriller, full of intensity. It was about 2 girls climbing a high radio tower. As I was in the middle of the movie, I saw my phone buzzing with a notification. I sighed with annoyance and picked it up.
It was a message from Adam.
Adam: Hey bitch, reminding you about our wedding in 2 months
Me: I know, Adam. Leave me alone.
Adam: Now that's not a way to talk to your future husband now, is it?
Me: What do you want?
Adam: We need to have a meeting soon.
Me: Why?
Adam: To go over some details about the wedding, obviously.
Me: Fine.
Adam: And come alone. I will have someone escort you to Heaven. Looking forward to seeing you soon, babe.
Adam didn't message me anymore after that. I wished I didn't have to marry him. But I am the future queen of Hell, and I will do whatever it takes to save my kingdom. I can't let more people die. I decided to go back to my movie to try to distract myself. I was scared of what would happen after I married Adam.
When I finished my movie, I heard some loud noises that caught my attention. I put my robe on and walked outside my room, meeting Charlie and Vaggie. We walked to Charlie's office where we heard the noise.
Charlie yawns. "What is going on?" Charlie asked.
"What is with all that noise?" I asked. I looked in the room and saw that Angel had Sir Pentious cornered.
"This little bitch is a traitor!" Angel yelled.
"Huh? Angel, what are you talking about?" I asked.
"Preposterous! I would never betray you! You... you are my best friends!" Sir Pentious said. Sir Pentious hugs me, Charlie, and Vaggie.
"Uh-huh, then explain this!" Angel demanded.
Angel lifts off one of the books to reveal a camera, much to Charlie's shock. I was shocked too. What was he doing with a camera? Sir Pentious realizes that his cover was blown and immediately scurries away. He brings his wrist watch to make contact with Vox.
"Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort! S.O.S. Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!" Sir Pentious shouted. Vox immediately picks up.
"Pentious? Wait... you were caught?! It hasn't even been, a day!" Vox yelled.
"Please! You've got to get me out of here!" Sir Pentious cried.
"I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple! If they don't kill you, go ahead and do it yourself! You MISERABLE FAILURE!" Vox yelled.
Sir Pentious starts crying. "I... I… just make it quick I guess…not that I deserve it." Sir Pentious said.
Sir Pentious lies on the ground, with Vaggie holding a spear ready to pierce the skull.
"Gladly," Vaggie said.
"Mother, don't!" I said.
"Stand back, Lana," Vaggie warns me. Right before Vaggie can put him out of his misery, Charlie stops her. Charlie starts singing.
"Wait... Pentious?" Charlie said.
Charlie extends her hand towards Pentious.
Charlie: It starts with sorry, that's your foot in the door.
One simple sorry, spoken straight from your core.
The path to forgiveness, is a twisting trail of hearts!
But sorry is where it starts!
Sir Pentious: Who could forgive a dirtbag like me?
I don't deserve your amnesty.
Angel walks into frame with dual Tommy submachine guns in both hands with Vaggie tailing behind, holding her spear.
Angel Dust and Vaggie: Can't we just kill him?
Shoot him and spill his blood?
Charlie: That's an option you could choose.
Angel Dust and Vaggie: Works for us.
Charlie: But who hasn't been in his shoes? It starts with sorry.
Sir Pentious: Sorry.
Charlie: Dig down deeper and say one sincere sorry!
Sir Pentious: I'm so sorry!
Charlie: And your journey's underway!
Charlie and Sir Pentious: It'll take time to cover your/my vast multitude of sins
But sorry is where it begins. It starts with sorry.
As the song ends, Niffity is seen standing in the hallway in her bedwear but is disappointed that Sir Pentious's song was bad, and that he is no longer the 'bad boy'
"I hated that song! Why are you so lame?" Niffity whined. Niffity kicks him on the tail 'eyes' and walks away.
"Not a bad boy," Niffity said.
Charlie sighed happily. "Good first day! Let's get some rest!" Charlie said.
I wanted to talk to my moms about what Adam said in the message that he sent me, but I was tired so I just decided to go to bed. I would talk to them tomorrow. As me, Charlie, and the other's leave, a wristwatch communicator is still left in the office, Alastor appears from the shadow of the dark hallway with a malevolent smile. He comes and picks up the watch before contacting Vox on the watch.
"WHAT?!" Vox yelled.
Vox pauses when he realizes that Alastor is the one calling him, showing fear in his screen face as Alastor laughs.
"You'll have to try harder than that next time, o'l pal!" Alastor said.
Alastor crushes the watch with his bare hand as Vox incoherently rages at him as the watch becomes incapable of creating audio, before Alastor retreats back into the darkness, chuckling.