Why was she always there?

Why was it that she stood there and stared at him through the bars of his cage with that same wicked grin on her face as she looked down her nose at where he was huddled? Was it to remind him that she had the dagger? He knew that she had the dagger. He was never going to be able to forget that she had the dagger; he could feel it to the marrow of his bones; the way her desires pulled on his body, the way her voice echoed in his head, making her wishes clear, using his hands and feet, his magic, his mouth.

He had no voice.

He couldn't scream!

She didn't want to hear him, didn't want his thoughts, just what he could offer, just what he could do.

Why was she staring?! What command would she issue next? What desire would he bring to life? Who would pay the price?

"You will, Rumple," Zelena crooned, putting the tip of the dagger to her finger and twisting it as she looked him over and licked her lips.

How did she get so tall? Had she always been so giant, and he'd just never noticed how she loomed over him?

"You will pay the price once you've killed them all…you can start with your son…"

Bae…in the cage with him, sitting on the bench, elbows on his knees, hands together, his head hung low.

"It's okay, Papa. I want this…."

But when he picked up his head.

"I want this…"

Dead eyes met his own.

He shoved aside the weight on his chest as his body jerked upright as Zelena called him forward to do the deed.

Only…

Only Zelena wasn't there anymore.

And his son…

When he looked to his right, he saw only a dresser with melted candles, long gone dark. The room wasn't cold. There was no concrete or bars. What he lay upon had been soft. The room was paneled in wood.

It was the cabin. He was in the cabin. He was in bed. He was naked and here for…

"Rumple?"

Belle. Belle's voice. Though Zelena's words still rang in his ears alongside Bae's, her voice cut through them both. A light in his darkness.

He was in the cabin. It was their wedding night. He was safe. They were safe. Zelena was dead. This wasn't a dream. He wasn't imprisoned, he was-

"Rumpelstiltskin-"

Air! He needed air.

He was out of the bed in a flash, lunging for the window, slamming it open so hard he thought he might have cracked one of the panes. But it was fine. He could fix it with his magic.

His magic…that he had control over because he had the dagger. Because he wasn't…he wasn't…

He had to calm his nerves, get a hold of himself. He was shaking, and breathing far too fast, too shallowly. Long, deep gulps of air were what he needed.

It was just a dream. It hadn't been real. It was only a dream. Only a dream…

"Rumple…"

But Belle.

"Rumple…"

She'd been beside him. She was still there. He must have nearly flung her off the bed. He couldn't remember what happened to her when he startled.

"Rumple…"

He could remember. She'd been a burden, a weight on his chest that he'd shoved aside like she were nothing.

"I'm just going to open the door and get you a glass of water-"

"Don't leave!" he shouted. "Don't…don't leave…please don't leave. Don't move."

A glass of water probably wouldn't be the worst idea, and he did relish in the idea of opening the door, but what he needed more than everything else right now was stillness. he wanted and needed to know where everyone and everything in the room was right this second.

This was ridiculous. It was the biggest fucking room in the biggest fucking cabin he owned, and yet it felt so small…so tiny…

Bae was gone, his body in the cemetery. Zelena was dead, her body turned to nothing when he'd killed her. Henry was no doubt with Emma, like always. But Belle was here. Still here. Always there. He needed that right now more than water or an open door.

Funny way of showing it, given you practically tossed her aside, Zoso snarled in his mind.

He shook his head and tried to quiet the voices who were not helping at the moment.

"Rumpelstiltskin-"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm not hurt," she answered firmly, her voice rigid and even. "But…I am worried. Please come back to bed."

"I shoved you-"

"I'm not hurt, and I know you didn't do it on purpose. You'd never hurt me!"

"You will pay the price once you've killed them all…you can start with your son…"

And now that he'd finished the job, the next person to move onto was naturally-

"Please, Rumple, talk to me!" she begged at his back. "Rumple…Rumple, please come back to bed. Please come talk to me."

"I don't want to think about it…"

Much less talk about it! He just wanted…he just wanted…

He wanted to move on. To not hurt her. To not feel like he was making her sleep beside a monster. Oh, but he'd married her. What the fuck was he thinking?!

We've been asking the same question, Nimue snapped at him.

Oh, all he wanted was peace.

"Then you don't have to talk about it, just…please come back to me," Belle urged, her tone gentle. "Rest for a while with me. Let me help you like we used to. You remember…"

Remember…

This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. This was the first time his reaction had been this bad, but long ago, when Storybrooke had just woken up, they'd both been plagued by nightmares from their past. Usually, she had been the one to wake, but he'd had his own fair share of them as well. And on those nights they'd huddle together, they'd find comfort in each other's arms, not in sex, or at least not always in sex, just in the presence of one another.

Comfort…after taking an unexpected trip back into imprisonment tonight, he could use some comfort…

But would it be safe for her?

He turned his head to finally take in the room.

Biggest room in the biggest cabin he owned...

And she was there, on her side of the bed, half in and half out, looking like she was ready to run to the kitchen to get him that glass of water if he asked. She'd do anything if he asked, but even that knowledge evoked a painful memory of their past.

"Belle…"

He couldn't speak. He didn't have a voice. But it was his own doing, his own willpower, that kept the memories and the panic and the worry inside his head. Marriage meant sharing burdens, but this…this was more than he could expect her to carry, more than he should have been expected to deal with. No one needed to be flung from their bed in the middle of sleep by a partner who couldn't tell them from the devil.

"I'm here, Rumple. It's just me. Please come back to bed."

So, he could shove her out of it again? That didn't seem fair. It didn't seem safe.

But there she was, looking around the room, collecting pillows and placing them in their proper places, straightening the sheets and blankets from the mess they'd made earlier and from his fit, then turning them down again so that the bed looked like the warmest, most inviting nest he'd ever seen.

"Come on…come back to bed."

Yes…yes, this was foolish. Zelena was dead. The dagger was safely in his possession, and once it was back in the possession of his Love, he'd never have to worry about losing his freedom like that again. They were married; he couldn't live without her just because of one little nightmare. Neither of them could let those rule their days. He couldn't continue to let Zelena lord over his life.

He left the window open as he moved back to the bed on wobbly legs and damn near collapsed onto the side of it, right where this had started. He flinched at the cold hand that touched his shoulder but eased when he recognized the caress over his back.

Belle. He was here, in the cabin with her. Zelena was dead and gone. Henry was safe. Baelfire was gone. But Belle was here, still here.

He caught her hand in his own, just over his shoulder before it could make another trip down his back, and squeezed. Real. Present. Still.

"Rumple-"

"Belle!" he exclaimed, turned to face her, to finally take her in from where she sat, still naked and unashamed, more worried for him than herself.

She reached for him, opened her arms, and drew him closer to her so that she held him tight against her body. A familiar body. A familiar smell. A familiar sensation.

Fuck the Dark Ones. Fuck Zelena. Fuck the voices and their opinions on this marriage!

This had been a good idea. It would be a good idea for them both.

"I love you, Belle. I need you."

"You have me forever," she assured him gently. "And I love you too, so please let me help you!"

No. No, it was too much. To share the things he'd done and what had happened…he couldn't give that to her. But let her aid in the process of recovery, that he could do.

He nodded against her, and she kissed his neck before she released him. He let her go and watched her recline against the pillows before he finally swung his legs up into the bed and entwined his arms around her body so she could hold him. She worked her magic, her own brand that would always be more powerful than his own. Wherever her fingers touched eased, any muscle they drifted over relaxed. Even his hair and skin felt better as she worked. He softened into her like butter and was finally beginning to feel like not letting himself fall back to sleep in her arms would be a crime when she quietly asked, "Are you all right?"

He nodded. "I am now, thanks to you."

And he was. His breath had evened, his heart was steady as her own, the voices had been silenced, and he was even beginning to feel sleepy again.

"I'll always be here," she promised with a tender lilt to her tone. "I just want you to be mine again, happy, complete. You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I do."

It was an honest answer. He knew he could tell her anything. Hell, at this moment, after what just happened, he suspected that if he confessed the trick he'd pulled with the dagger so he could kill Zelena, she probably would understand completely. She'd still be mad, but she'd understand.

She'd understand…

"Good," she kissed the top of his head as his eyes shot open at the realization…and he wondered. Could he truly tell her anything? "Rest Rumpelstiltskin. I'll be here, I'll always be here."

And he was starting to believe that. Maybe this was a sign, an opportunity, to truly start this marriage in the right direction. She'd understand, wouldn't she?

"Belle…I have to tell you something first," He lifted off her and stared down at her face, a white halo around her from the pillow she was perched upon as she looked upon him with an expectant expression that almost looked happy that he had something else to tell her.

Happy…she was happy he wanted to talk to her.

"I have to tell you…"

She wouldn't be happy when she heard this.

"Belle, I have to tell you…"

Just because she'd understand didn't mean it wouldn't break her heart.

He sighed.

No. He knew he could tell her anything. He knew she would keep his secrets, no matter how angry she got.

But there were just some things he shouldn't tell her. Someday, maybe. But not tonight. Not while it was all still fresh. Not while they were on the closest thing they'd get to a honeymoon for potentially a long while.

"I have to tell you how I love you," he confessed instead, reaching forward to touch her cheek.

Her brow furrowed suspiciously like she knew that wasn't what he had intended to say. "I already know-"

"You don't," he insisted, shaking his head. One day, tonight's confession might make sense, but tonight, the words she needed to hear and remember were these. "I love you more than anything, that you already know. But I want you to know more. I need you to know…that from this point on, everything I do isn't just for me. It's for you…us! I need you to know I don't just love you. I am in love with you. I am truly in love with you in every way.

"I have loved before you. Baelfire, my father, even Milah and Cora in some way, but no one has ever done for me what you do. No one has ever loved me like you do. And now I am so much in love I didn't even know it was possible to feel this strongly about anyone.

"You don't just complete me. You more than complete me. You break down my walls, build up my weaknesses; you make my imperfections perfect, and my perfections imperfect when you are not near. You chase away my nightmares, you calm me, and you make me feel safe just by lying in your arms. No one has ever had that kind of power over me before, but I know that it lies with the right person.

"I am in love with you; by your side is where I want to be, and by your side is where I plan to be for the rest of our lives. Forever. The best thing I ever did was make that deal with you and the smartest was when I married you. You give my centuries meaning, and I don't know where I'd be now if I didn't have you to guide me back home whenever I felt lost. You are my constant guiding light and without doubt the love of my very long life."

There they were…the words that should have been his vows that he'd feared had been lost to time when he'd looked up and found her to be utterly stunning. He'd been blinded and completely forgotten his own name let alone how to form cohesive vows when he'd first seen her by that well. But as he looked at her now, tears forming in her eyes with a shy smile, he knew he'd finally pulled them together appropriately. What he'd said before had been fine. This was better.

"I don't know what to say to that…" she choked out with a hard swallow.

That was the beauty of it…he already knew what she'd have said to those words. Her vows had been perfect, and he'd cherish them forever.

He moved forward just slightly to kiss her forehead before letting them rest together. "I already know."

"Can you read my mind the same way I feel like I can read yours?" she questioned. Her tone came out humorous, but he could understand that it was a serious question she wanted the answer to. He understood it because there were times he'd wondered the same thing.

"I think so sometimes, yes."

She smiled, and even in the dark, his eyes could pick up the faint purple on her cheeks of a blush deepening. "Then you should already know that I'm thinking we both need rest…" she whispered, gently pushing and prodding until he lay back against her chest, utterly content.

I remember when I was writing Moments, there were certain scenes that I was really excited to write from Rumple's perspective because I always knew that Belle was missing something from her perspective. This scene is one of those chapters. Don't get me wrong, this was always a really sweet chapter to write from Belle's perspective, but I think, in this case, it's so much better from his perspective. This incident from Belle's side is more or less just fluff. From Rumple's side, this is actually a really significant event. Belle, of course, has her own demons happening throughout 4A, but Rumple's demons, why he does what he does, and how he goes from "I've got to do right by her" to full-on "yep, let's crush the heart and pull Belle out of Storybrooke," that was always the story I was excited to tell. Even if it does lead to...well...you know.

Thanks so much for letting me know you are back, Rsbeall12! Good to hear from you again! Thanks for your wonderful words and your kind heart! Let me know what you think of all this! Peace and Happy Reading!