Vox grumbled as he typed on his computer. "Reruns here, reboot there, new peep tech installed …." His days since awakening have been spent fixing the mess that fucking brat caused. So many lost stocks … so many customers are switching to goddamn radio."Pay off an accident here and there, destroy a radio factory …" He needed a way to fix his fucking image quickly and stop that blue haird upstart and that damned dear fucking cheesy cheap podcast hosts of a fucker-
"Vox, chill the fuck out, you're making all the lights in the building glitch!" Velvette shouted from the room below.
He sighed. "Technopathy, a blessing and a curse." Feeling the need for a break, he stepped away from his desk, walking downstairs. He needed some coco, time to cuddle with his recovering sharks, and to plan on how to murder the brat. Vox walked into their lounge, grabbing a bag of coco as he started making a cup. "Val, you want some?"
"Depends? Will it be as thick as your-"
"Not in the mood for sweet talk."
"Awww; that isn't what you said last night." The moth man grinned.
"That was before realizing I need to pull an all nighter for the next week." Sometimes work itself was the real hell. "So, where are we on the IMP group and making the brat suffer?"
Velvet rolled her eyes. "Both from Alastor's craptastic air fart of a show and socials, I've already got plenty of ammo against the kid and this IMP business. They've been active for the past six months or so and they've been only mildly successful at their little killing game due to it being the only buisness to take care of dealing with pre-sinner bullshit."
"Hm, don't the asmoidian crystals have the same effect?"
"Yeah, but those things are highly regulated and kept under wraps." Val rolled his eyes. "I tried threatening that Verosika bitch when she and my Angel did a collab, but no dice."
"Not to mention that apparently the big O isn't a fan of my love Potions." Velv groaned. "Made a huge fucking show of it calling it 'unnatural', which makes no fucking sense. It's called the lust ring, not the consent ring, who the fuck cares how it happens!?"
"Which leaves the only methods to go topside left the book, and however the fuck Alastor got that brat in the first place." Vox spent decades obsessing over the man, and he wasn't even close to figuring out how the fuck that radio bastard's powers worked. "So, what's the strategy?"
"According to the Hellhound secretary's socials, the book stays with her at all times whenever those Imp fuckers head topside, and the prissy bird the Tall one fucked to get their grubby little hands on it isn't too cautious about how it's used." Vel explained as she filed her nails. "In fact, bird brain is apparently chicken to face daddy Paimon, so WE'LL have the advantage on that front if we grab it."
"If that's the case, would their be a legion of bird fuckers flooding IMP city for the book already?" Val asked.
"I've looked into that… the Ars's goetia's are horribly out of date demons as a whole. They don't listen to anything sinners have or created, not even the fucking radio." Vel continued. "Heck, apparently some of them are surprised by the 'nifty invention of a carriage'." The smallest of the V's grinned. "And as an added bonus… the little blue haired shrimp's currently working off a bullet wound in the shoulder. No fancy dodging moves to get him out of a bind this time, which means he ain't going topside anytime soon."
"Oh I heard about that one. Kid's nimble, but still a dumbass to the end." What kind of moron takes a hit for someone else? "So we storming the castle wants the big three idiots are gone?"
"Nothing so crass Voxy. We Just place a hit ourselves and then work our groove on the hellhound." Vel smirked. "Just offer her a higher paid gig and we're golden. The socials say she rather be ANYWHERE else than that fucking imp infested building."
"I'll work on getting the hit order then." Val chuckled. "I've got plenty of down on the dump hores who would beg to kill someone topside. Hmm, maybe I can use that as the premise of one of my films. Angry cunts fuck ex lovers to death."
"And that's my cue to fix up the company and not listen to that." Vox deadpanned. He loved the man, but rather stay away from his extracurricular activities
Blitz watched as the kid brought over a cup to his daughter. "Tea mixed with bourbon, stired with black ice, just as you asked." Even with only one workable arm, the kid apparently didn't know the meaning of the word rest, which was fine by Blitz, he didn't need some teenager laying about the office doing nothing. That special right was reserved for Loonie and Loonie alone.
"Thank you." His daughter grinned as she took the cup, laying down on the couch in satisfaction. "Now, rub my feet, please."
"Alright." The kid nodded without even complaining. At first Blitz thought he was just a spineless nice guy like Moxxie was. Turns out, Iruma had fucking trigger words … Blitz was gonna have to use them himself when on a mission. You know, as long as it was nothing so extreme that it involved Mile slitting his throat in his sleep. Blitz wouldn't mind that, but yeah.
"Oh yeah, that's the shit right there.." Loona sighed in satisfaction. "I finally got a maid and I didn't have to pay a dime." His daughter chuckled.
"Loonie, you're abusing a child for free labor …" Blitzo wiped away a tear. "I've never been prouder as a father."
"You call me a fatty, yet here you are getting a child to do all the work for you." Mox groaned like a bitch.
"He ain't arguing or complaining, something you do everyday." His sweet daughter shot back like a pro.
"He's not fighting back cause he don't know how, and you know that!" Millie argued, looking like she was about to throw hands. "He should be resting, he took a bullet for us and a little down time is the least he deserves!"
"Millie, it's fine. I'd feel weirder if I wasn't being told to do something." Iruma brought up as he moved on to his daughter's other foot. "Besides, this isn't even among the top ten … twenty horrible things that have happened to me since coming to hell."
"See, the kid's fine with it. So cool your tits." Loona argued. "Just because you're sacklass ho can't give it to you doesn't mean you have to take it out on us."
"Hey! That's uncalled for!" Moxxie calls out. "I'll have you know that I perform… that fairly well!"
"If it's as good as your comeback game, then you're clearly working out some issues." Blitz inserted himself between the two M's, just like it should be. "Clearly what you two need is a third party to spice things up, and I'm just the bastard to do so."
"Treat the tot as an equal and you'll be able to talk about it." Mils said bluntly.
"Wait really!?" Blitz eyes widened as he thought over the possibilities. "Slave labor… or threeway… slave labor… threeway…. What do I choose!?"
The door opened up, cutting off his internal debate as some bitch in a skinny outfit walked through the door. "Is this the immediate murder professionals?"
Blitz smirked. That ad campaign was coming in handy. And he could save that internal question of slave labor vs threeway for later. "Yes we are, I'm-"
She cut him off, shoving a large stack of money into his hands. "My ex pimp in Vegas, Tyler Jackson. Huge prick who literally overworked me to death. An extra handful of jewels if you promise to make it slow and painful."
"We'll video tape the torture porn and mail it to you for that kind of many, sugar tits!" Blitz slammed his fist on the counter and immediately took the money. "Looks like IMP is hitting it big in Vegas!"
"You're going to blow all our money on horse races aren't you?" Moxxie rolled his eyes.
"No … just half the money." He couldn't exactly spend jewels before trading them at a pawn shop or something. "Loonie, get the portal ready. Kid, get our gear set to tug."
"Blitz. We Ain't bringing the tot upside for this one, he still needs to heal that shoulder of his." Millie glared.
"Pffft, it'll be fine. The kid's instincts will take over. Watch." Blitz took his mug and threw it right at the bandaged shoulder. The kid ducked … as the mug hit his Loonie in the face. "Aaaaaahh! Loonie,'I'm sorry! Are you concussed, how many fingers am I holding-?!"
"Get the fuck out of here!" She screamed, growling at them as she grabbed Blitz by the neck and strangled him.
"Don't worry sweetie, l get ya something from up top, something that's less harsh on you human pallet." Millie did that annoying parent thing and pecked the boy on the cheek.
"Thank you.. it's starting to scare me how much Alastor's stew is starting to sound legitimately appealing to me." Iruma winced. "Just… stay safe. Hopefully this time you won't deal with Cannibals in Vegas."
"Highly unlikely. We're more than likely to just run into your run of the mill street gangsters and down on their luck sex workers." Moxxie turned to the client. "No offense."
"I was a prostitute, I own it."
"Ah, then grab some disinfectant then." Iruma nodded. "Again mam, no offense."
"It's just part of the job. Can't complain when I ask for it."
"Aaairrrrr …" Blitz cried out through the strangling.
Iruma finished with the ice pack. "Good?" After Loona literally kicked the imps to the human world, she had him cover up the injured spot. All day he's been told what to do like a maid … could be worse, at least he wasn't in uniform. And it wasn't violent or painful. And Loona never snapped at him. "Need aspirin? More burbon? That white powder Blitz labeled 'nose sugar' in his desk?"
"Nah, it's fine, I can handle Blitz being an idiot." Loona groaned as she held the ice pack on the bruise. "Mind rubbing my head while I'm holding this please?"
"Sure thing." He began scratching her like she usually had him do. Iruma was genuinely kind of surprised as he learned more about Loona. She thought and had social behavior like a human, but her instinctual behavior and body were more like a wolf. He wondered if it was just a hellhound thing, or if all animalistic characteristics held subconscious influence on the people around them.
And as far as her attitude went… well, Iruma has dealt with prickly personalities all his life, and Loona at first glance was as brash as any earth teenager could get. But he could almost say that when they were alone like this.. she was kind of nice. Not in the traditional earth way, but she treated him better than most people in hell did. And she weirdly reminded him of Husk in spite of the dog/cat thing.
"Honestly kid, if you weren't here I'd probably burn this fucking place to the ground." Loona muttered as she looked through her phone.
"Have you thought about getting another job?" He asked, still rubbing her head.
"I'm a Hellhound, not a lot of job opportunities for us?" She grumbled.
"Why?"
"Classism." He tilted his head at that. "School never taught you that?"
"I've only been there for seven years total if we're combining all the half years I've attended." He learned the basics, but otherwise no dice. Although that extra class of woodwork helped him quite well.
"Of course I play school teacher." She groaned. "Pay attention kid, I'm only explaining this once."
"Listening loud and clear."
"Hell's divided up based on how strong you are." Loona showed him a diagram on her phone. "At the top you got Lucifer, king of hell, who can pretty much do whatever he wants and no one could stop him."
"So typical king. Got it."
"Then you got the royal family, his wife and daughter, who can do whatever they want, although no one really respects the girl."
"So hell is sexist, got it."
Loona looked at him weirdly before snorting. "Nah, she's just too wimpy to do anything when someone does something … kind of like you."
"Oooh… hopefully she doesn't have tiggers." Someone just like him ... he didn't wish that kind of fate on anybody else.
"Then you got the seven deadly sins, which Lucifer technically counts as a part of. They're the kings of their own ring."
"So seven counties with seven kings, following." Iruma nodded. "I'm guessing that's what Barbie meant by me not not knowing that Bella gor person."
"Following under them are the Ars Goetia. A bunch of elitist but powerful pricks. Like the bird fucking Blitz."
"So they're just rich?"
"Pretty much."
"They must be super lazy." The richest people were always the laziest.
"Undoubtedly so." She snorted again. "After that is the Overlords. You know, like Alastor and Vox."
"… The people that can live in my shadows, warp reality as they like, and can pull me from earth to hell are only the fifth strongest people in hell?!"
"I know, it's bullshit." Loona groaned. "Just be glad they can't move to other rings, otherwise you'd be really screwed."
"Hooray.." Given that Alastor could pull him anywhere at anytime, he wasn't sure how much that was supposed to comfort him.
"Then you got your average sinners. Most don't have special powers, but given they're immortal they have a lot more pain tolerance and experience than most." She continued. "And due to how shitty most people are, the pride ring is constantly overflowing with them."
"Right …" He wondered how they dealt with overpopulation … oh right, hell. They didn't.
"Then you got most Hellborn. Succubi, Bephonts, all the jazz." She explained. "They got minor skills and abilities. Weak against most sinners, but they're useful enough."
"So second class citizens?" He asked.
"Got it in one." She patted him on the head … She had really soft paws.. it felt nice. "And at the bottom … Imps and Hellhounds." Loona explained. "Slave labor, pets, expendable bodyguards, all the fun stuff most people don't want to do."
"Ahhh." So basically him except a whole species. "That's a shame. I mean, I've seen the IMP kill a LOT of people, and you're always kicking their butts. You're clearly strong and skilled, and since you're explaining all this, you're pretty smart too."
Loona looked at him weirdly, a small blush appearing across her face, which apparently was able to shine out of her fur somehow, before shaking her head. "Yeah, well that's just how it is. Blitz was looking for a hellhound for 'friendly customer service'." She rolled her eyes. "Then for some reason he changed it to adopting."
"… So is he your dad or your owner?" Iruma asked.
"To hellhounds, there's no difference." She waved outside. "You ain't going to see hellhounds running their own business. We're just overly big commodities richer people buy to keep themselves entertained."
"… Sorry about that …" He said sincerely while rubbing her head. Sometimes … life just liked to suck.
"Not your fault. Blitz lets me stay rent free and gives me my own room, so it could be worse." She shrugged. "And I don't get involved with whatever idiocy they do topside."
"It is pretty stupid." So many injuries, accidents, and death. "One time at a carnival job, they were aiming for one of the clowns, but they snot the ferrries wheel hinge and made it run all over the place for like fifteen minutes."
Loona laughed. "So glad I'm not with those morons …"
Ding
Her phone beeped. "… Sweet!" She shouted. "I just won half an hour of free shopping!"
"Free shopping?" Iruma blinked. "Do you mean we can raid a grocery store for food!?" So much variety and nutrition.
"Not that kind of shopping, but the rest is pretty accurate." Loona explained, having a weirdly wide smile on her face. "We can get any clothes we want."
"Oh … then that's boring." He muttered. He got the whole 'look nice or Alastor breaks your arm', but that didn't mean he had to appreciate it. "You can go without me, I can just, dust Blitz's mini horse statues…"
"First of all, I hope you wear a hazmat suit after the shit I've seen him do with those."
"… Probably going to need a chemical bath then…" Where was the Clorox stored?
"And second, it's not like you have anything better to do than to be the radio demons whipping boy."
"True.." He muttered. Probably would just recall him for funsies.
"Plus its not like you're gonna get any other new clothes anytime soon, since you're paid shit and surviving just by living under the roof and the love idiots charity." Loona kept going. "Come one, ive never had a friend come with me to stuff like this."
Friend… "Are we friends?" He asked. She was friendlier to him and they had a good conversation ... but he wasn't sure if that qualified for friendship. Besides, she still used his commands … then again, everyone did.
She blinked. "Yeah, you don't annoy me. That's pretty much my definition of a friend."
Friend… people who chose to stick by you because they wanted to be by your side… a sentiment Iruma never felt before. That.. that changed everything. "Dude, you alright?" She asked, looking more blurry … oh no wait, that's tears.
He wiped away them, smiling brightly. "Yeah! Let's go!"
"..Weirdly energetic but I'll take it." She smirked. "Come on, they left the van so that's free for us."
"I'll drive!" Iruma would do this.. he would have fun with his first friend!
Velvet listened into the radio as their target was moving towards them, just like they planned. "Aah; what the fuck?! How are you this crazy of a speed demon on the road!?" The Hellhound shouted.
"Only time I drive is when there's a mafia squad trying to gun me down!" The human that got Vox so pissy as the sound of screeching tires was heared. "Plus traffic in this city is terrible, this the the only way I've spotted that won't take us all day!"
"Okay, clearly I'M driving next time! No way I'm going to let you nearly kill us again!"
"It can't be that bad if we're in one piece …. Say, how close are we to the mall?"
"Five mile-Watch out for the tank-!" Velvet rolled her eyes. Seriously, why was most of hell getting so invested in the exploits of a dumb teenager other than for a cheap laugh at someone more miserable than most of the sinners in hell?
All they had going so far was some hilarious painful moments and maybe a heartfelt message here and there. And no one cared about the latter. "Is everything set?" She asked the mall owner, aka, the soul she owned. To own what selled fashion, was to own fashion.
"Yes mis-miss Velvette.." The bitch she owned nodded cowardly. "We looked through the hellhound's social page and filled the store with everything that would catch her interest."
"Good. Best way to get a dog tamed is to throw them a bone." She cackled. The imps still weren't back, which meant the hellhound would have the book on here, and likely would put the job of carrying all the clothes on the kid, leaving both targets vulnerable.
Thank you Val for putting out a slow and vague order in a large and blinding city. "Make sure you have some free samples to draw the boy away in the food court, I wanna talk to her alone."
"Ri-right away Miss." The bitch went off to do just that.
Life was so easy when everyone was like strings on a marionette. Little puppets to the puppet master that was her, dancing to her kick ass tunes … Thats what hell was all about. You were either a puppet or a puppet master.
A few minutes passed by as the sound of tire screeching and honking was heard, and not too long after that, the hellhoud was dragging the kid by the collar. "I don't even know why i thought letting you drive was a good idea. You're fourteen. And i know you probably never had a license up top."
"My bad. I just thought I could get us there without much trouble …" The child pouted. "Sorry."
The hellhound looked at the kid like she was about the snap, before sighing and letting go. "Whatever. Just walk behind me and try not to act like a little dipshit."
"Yes mam." Velvet watched the two of them walk off into the mall. She sent a signal over to the vendors, who began waving around free samples over by the food court.
"Get you fresh hell hog on a stick! Fried and free!"
"Serpant spaghetti! Slippery and spontaneously succulent!"
"Free ice cream samples! Take 'em now!"
The kid, as expected, stared at the food like a moth to a flame, before slapping his own face. "This is hell Iruma. Keep it together. Nothing is free." He muttered, as she could visibly see his stomach gurgling in argument. Looks like the kid had some wit to him…. Wound't do him any good in the end. Velv sent them a text to lay it on thick!
"Oh no, this two ton tower of hellcakes is about to topple over! If only someone could help me by eating all of it before it hits anyone!'
"Somone left this seventy foot hell hoagie all alone in the food court. I'm begging for someone to help me get rid of it!"
"Oh won't someone please get rid of all these extra cheesy japanese style pizza before I'm forced to burn it to ashes."
"… I'll be back in a few minutes Loona." The boy said, before running forward.
"What, hey, Iruma-wait-agggh, dumb kid." The hellhound grumbled. "First friend I make and it's a fucking dumbass that can barely walk the street by himself. I expected assistance, not to babysit a hyperactive five year old."
Separated, irritated, and clearly done with this shit … perfect. While she was by no means beyond getting her hands dirty and bloody, she had the most class out of all the V's. Why sweat over a task when you could flaunt your shit to wherever and whoever you want?
The hellhound walked into the store. "Might as well scout what I'm gonna nab first …"
"Mind if I make some recommendations?" Velvet asked, making her presence known.
"Fuck!" The woman jumped back, fangs bared as a threat while their hair stood on end.
"Oh chill the F out, I'm not lookin for trouble." She waved off.
They seemed to calm down, but only slightly. "… Sorry if I don't exactly bow at the sight of a V when your blue screened ass coworker almost skinned me alive on live TV."
"Oh, THAT'S where I recognized you from. Silly me. Could've sworn I saw you on the cover of Lust's top ten most fashionably fuckable demons, easy mistake to miss." Play it off and lay on the flattery. "Don't you worry 'bout a thing. Vox will piss his pants for another week about it and move on to something else that makes his attenties bend like crazy."
They seemed to calm down some more, their hair returning to flat. "Then … why are you here?"
"Just wanted to meet my contest winner of course!" She shouted, moving in close and snapping a photo. "#hellhoundvictory." The bottom of the ladder was so eager to eat up any praise. "It's just a little something I do for anyone on Voxtagram. It randomly chooses one lucky follower and I come on to see how much I can help dress thing up so to say."
The woman titled her head, still looking a little confused, but other wise looked less on the fence. "Well, thanks for that I guess, but I think I don't need help choosing what I like."
"Bitch, everyone needs help with something." Velvette cackled as she popped her head through the clothing lines. "That's why you gotta have friends."
"Oh sure, an Overlord of all demons wants to be friends with a Hellhound." The woman rolled her eyes. "And by friend, you mean you just want another skank to model your clothing line? Am I getting close here? Cause that might work on a sinner, but not me."
"Aren't you someone who speaks with their mind?" She would kill for less. "But hey, it would still pay more than whatever that imp's giving you. I mean, a roof over your head and semi decent booze? Scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren't you, when you're the backbone."
The hellhound stopped. "What the fuck are you going on about?"
"Let's look at the evidence dearie. Your company's entire business is founded by one asshole's ability to fuck a bird with nothing better to do with his time. Your coworkers are an idiot with no business sense, a bloodthirsty bitch that couldn't give a rat's ass about you, a fat 'higher than thou' hypocrite, and a dumbass kid that'll probably get himself killed sooner or later. You can do FAR better."
"He is fat.." The woman snorted.
"Exactly." She smirked. "So the question is, why work for them when a better job opportunity is just around the corner?" Velvette grabbed the dog by the hands. "It's hell, a literal dog eat dog world out there… and you're the type of dog that LOVES to show her fangs…. That's the kind of demon, the ONLY kind of demon I can work with." At least until the bitch died of old age. Perks of being a sinner, Velv guessed.
"I …"
"Oh baby …" She chuckled as pink smoke filled the room. "He-he-he-he-heh Yeah, hey!" The lights dimmed as the spotlight was put on them.
"Hmm, glory, glory!" Her assitents sang out in the background in unison.
"The role of the demon is a lonely one to play…" Once human, now a dead fuck with nothing to their name. Or just god's leftever's he threw in the trash. That was the fate of all demons everywhere. "But only because the cards in the ring have been dealt in the wrong way!"
She swung the Hellhound into a clothing pile, dressing her up in a more stylish version of her attire. Still punk but with a lot of flair. "The role of the sinner is a lonely one, who's to say!?" Why let the universe decided what rules could fuck people over? "No matter the lives of the people before me, All that I seek is the path to glory, glory !"
"Hmm, glory, glory"
Velv pulled out a couple potions. "Bottles in my pocket and blood stains on my hands." So much effort went into always being aware of the world around her, clawing her way to the top with her skills. "I'm built up my legacy right here in the sand! I'll stay until the end and watch them all go down in flames!" Till the day an angel nicked her … or forever, whichever came first.
"Yeah, maybe the path is gory." She scoffed, tossing a potion as it melted down some mannequins. So many souls ripped, so many lives ruined … but in the end … "Whatever it takes to get my glory, glory."
"Hmm, glory, glory."
She twisted the girl into the next stage of her number, presenting her studio and all the amenities that it could away, the fashion and glamor, the sight of a city that bowed before them. "I was told I had to walk away. Left to fend or dive deep into the grave." She had reached rock bottom in hell, so many wanting to make her their plaything, their doll. "But scars don't heal, I've given blood a taste!" Watching them beg for her was so much more fun in the end.
"I'll fake the smile they've seen before." A peasantry, a bit of liking there, addicting them to her nice side so the people will always people please to see Velv's smile. "They'll see I am so much more…..!" A bad bitch, a queen of media, a woman that was not to be fucked with.
"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Ever sinner, every demon worshiped the very ground she stepped on. "Ooh, yeah! So!"
"And you can get it to." She whispered.
"What?" The hellhound asked, confusion in her face.
"Just listen to me." Velv smirked. "The rule of the land, it's so crucial to obey." She spun around, pulling the girl onto a chair and next to a board. "Believe in yourself, or you won't be appreciated!" She pointed out. If you knew what you were doing, any sinner could be an overload … and overlord commended more respect than fucking Lucifer himself with the solitary mystery act. "Don't you overthink it, just do what I say! Screw the politics that you see before thee!" If anyone tried to make the rules, you made your own and fucked everyone else over. "Whatever it takes to get your glory !"
"Hmm, glory, glory!"
"You! You need all the power and the fame!" She told the girl. "'Cause that's the game. You've been kicked into the sand." She showed off some of the old tweets, from that 'Blitz' fella adopting her, to Loona constantly complaining about every day of her life. "I've built something better than, What you could ever dream of on your own!"
Velvette let the music play, smirking. "And you could have it too of course."
"..I.. I could?
"Come on, imagine it." She smirked. "A hellhound able to give her own orders instead of just being some relegated pet." She used her potions to poof images of the gal in the top of the line fashion, while hordes of sinner and hell born swarmed her. "Everyone in hell won't just want to be your friend, they'd want to be you, period." It would be an interesting experience …. five years, maybe ten at most before falling into obscurity if they were pushing it, but people have killed for even one year of that kind of influence, so it'd be a good run up to that point. "All I need from you is to come join us … with that book of yours."
"The book?" The girl looked into her hands, where it laid. "But… Blitz needs."
"The role of the queen is a lonely one to play!" Velve reiterated, summoning an image of the red prick that she burned and threw in a digital trashcan. "But make the right deals and the cards can go your way!" To get ahead in life, one had to burn bridges. "So stop the pausing, stop the hesitating!" Make the deal seem limited, cause their head to fluster. "No matter the lives you need to start ending!" She placed a crown on the girl's head. "All that matters is the path to glory!"
"Hmm, glory, glory!"
"Your glory, glory!"
"Glory, glory!"
Your glory, ah!
"Hmm, glory, glory"
"Your choice in the end … the life you always wanted, or the hell you already live?" She smirked. "After all, you have about … twenty minutes left on your shopping spree." Velvette showed off a clock. "Twenty minutes to decide if you got the teeth to rise to the top."
She could see it in her eyes. The desperation, the anxiety. This was EVERYTHING the hellhound was ever hoping for …
"He ate the fucking table …. How the fuck did he eat the fucking TABLE!?" One of the demons in the food court shouted. "...Where's it all going? How… just… HOW… where did it go!?"
"Thank you for the meal! I still feel suspicious, but it was really good!" The brat shouted out happily.
"Math is a lie! The conservation of mass has been destroyed beyond measure!"
"... I should.. Probably check on that first.." The hellhound nodded before walking ahead.
"Go ahead dearie, you'll only have about… fifteen minutes left to figure things out!" Velvette 'subtlly' reinforced.
This wasn't … real right? This was just some sort of backstabbing thing? Come on Loona, even the human realized you could barely trust anyone in hell. But … this was EVERYTHING. To be a star, a social queen … a hellhound that wasn't just some pet. The closest someone like her could come to that was being a bodyguard to a popstar or just maid help for a sin or something….
She wasn't naive to think a deal like this didn't come with some kind of string. Loona may have followed models on her socials, but that didn't mean she WANTED to be one. Getting bossed around all day by some kind of suit and standing in the hot spotlight all day and night… Plus the overlord just bluntly admitted they were only offering this because of the book, the one Blitz needed to actually go to and come back from earth. She wasn't heartless enough to just leave the moron there…. Was she?
Blitz was by far the most annoying person in her life, constantly touching and smothering her when she didn't want it, babying here even though she was twenty fucking four. Moxxie was just a fatty that constantly tried to play the 'moral compass' when in reality he was just a spineless coward who's only skill was being semi decent at aiming a gun. And Millie… well, she was just a country hick bitch who was WAY too good for the fatso. She had MANY reasons to just abandon them on earth.
And chains or not, anything Velvette had to offer money wise would be WAY better than anything Blitz could give her. Ugggh, why did she have to be put on the spot with this!? And with a time limit of all fucking things!
"Sorry Loona." The kid nervously chuckled as she was taken out of her train of thought. "They said the words and suddenly my mind was on autopilot."
She raised an eyebrow. "Right, and I'm sure that the food has nothing to do with it."
"... It helped." He chuckled. "I never get asked to help with food, unless it's being told to get rid of expired and spoiled goods ... which I usually don't mind. If I spot chunky milk, I just tell myself it's cheese."
"... How does your stomach function?" Loona questioned.
"When you learn that you can go weeks without food, it's best to train it so that you take in all the food you can at any given time. That way starving to death becomes mute when you don't have food for a while." He smiled. "You take what you can when an option's in front of you."
"You don't say…" What was life when the human kid was her best choice to help make a life changing decision? "So … hypothetically, if someone gave you the chance to move up in the world, and all you had to do was leave everyone behind ... would you still take it."
"Huh…" The kid looked thoughtful. "... I guess I would have yesterday."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you said you're my friend. So I'd be leaving you behind, right?" He asked.
She snorted, feeling a bit flattered. "Stop making it sound like I'm your only friend."
"Only and first actually." He corrected.
"… Say what?"
"Well going by your example, I'm usually the one that gets 'left behind'. Of course I was never close to anyone other than my parents, and they only love and care for each other. So caring about other people is a bit new to me." He looked around. "I just know what it feels like to be left behind… and I wouldn't wish that loneliness on anyone else no matter how desperate I feel."
… Right … left behind … like that kennel … "I guess you have a point …" She got pulled out … and the two Ms were trying to pull out the kid. Even if they were terrible at it… even if Blitz wasn't an ideal dad … they were still there ... more than she could say about anyone else. "Come on, let's get out of here."
"Really?" Iruma asked. "You didn't find anything you like?"
"Nah, just some trash." Loona shrugged. "I know better stores. Maybe you can hook me up with whoever does your suits."
He chuckled. "Be careful, Rosie's got a bit of a-" Iruma stopped talking. "We need to run."
"Wha-"
"MOVE!" He bumped into her, visibly wincing from his injury … as a sewing needle shot out where Loona's chest previously was, impaling itself into a wall.
"You know, it's sooo annoying when demons fight against what's good for them." Velvette spoke out, her heels clicking, a frown on her face. "It causes so much wear and tear in their limbs."
"You know at least in hell I usually figure out easily why someone wants to kill me!" The kid shouted as the needle got out of the wall.
"You remember my friend, Vox?" Velvette grinned maliciously.
"... Ohhh this will not end well." He paled.
"To be fair, it ain't anything too personal, but you blowing Vox up on live tv and being the Radio demon's puppet just makes you bad for business." The social media queen cackled as Loona tried to tackle her, only for a potion to be slammed in her face. "You should've taken my offer while you had the chance, Mutt. Now all of hell's going to know you for being my favorite dish rag when I skin you alive!"
"Blafggh." The pink smoke filled her nose. "Your perfume sucks as much as your clothes!"
"Sorry, not perfume. That's my special muscle relaxer. High quality as both a way to take the edge off, or to drug someone and leave them perfectly conscious." The woman chuckled as Loona felt her limbs begin to fail. "So kid, you wanna play hero and be the first victim, or should I cut up the literal bitch here first?"
Iruma steeled himself, running up to tackle the woman … only for multiple pieces of fabric to jump all over him, tying him in place. "Aagggh! Shoulder making it ... hard to dodge!"
"Oh no worries. That shoulder shouldn't bother you anymore." The overlord said in a mockingly concerned tone. "You know, once it's ripped out of its socket."
"Gaaaaggg.." Great. They were both screwed up shits creek. All because Loona was holding this stupid book..
The book! She had it.. she needed to use it while Velvette was focusing on the kid… do it before the drugs take over and make her arms more limp than Moxxie's dick!
She flipped through a couple of pages trying to find something substantial. Portal, too long and they would need to be capable of moving through it. Instant bath, irrelevant. Gender change … just gonna bookmark that one for later.
Fucking magic book, do something. Come on? Anything that could give one of them an advantage! If the kid could eat a while fucking table he should be able…
Her eyes widened as she finally had an idea of what she wanted. Come on, come on… there. "Fac fabricae odor et gustus eduli!" Loona shouted out, as a bunch of swirls overtook the area, completely enveloping them all.
"What-hey!" The swirls whizzed past the V. "… That's your game plan? A fucking light show?" She laughed. "Wow, I thought I was trying to deal with a girl who knew what she wanted, not some doggie brained bimbo!"
"What's that smell.." Iruma sniffed the clothing he was trapped in. "These clothes.." He tore a piece off. "… It tastes ... like meat." He took a bite. "... Delicious!" He ate more and more of it.
"Hey, stop that! Thats devil's silk you eating!" He continued to ignore her, eating the way out of his bindings. "Seriously brat stop it!" She shouted. "Oooh, that's your game then!" The V turned to her, raising a needle. "How about I rip you apart while he's-" Velvette stopped, as something tugged on her coat. "What the-brat, what the the fuck!?" She screamed, pulling against Iruma's teeth. "Let go of-"
Riiiip
The top half of the overlord's wardrobe had vanished … in front of the crowded mall. "Velvette has small boobs!" One sinner shouted as pictures started flying all over.
"WHAT?! NO! STOP THAT!" She screamed, covering herself up as the kid ran over, grabbing Loona by the arm as he dragged her to the entrance. "YOU TWO! GET BACK-NO MORE PICTURES!"
"Oh, and just for the record bitch!" Loona grinned as she waved her hand again. "I do know what I'm doing! "Fac fabricae odor et gustus eduli!" And the spell went everywhere. "Iruma, help yourself to any clothes that smell like meat!"
"... FRIENDS RULE!" The kid screamed as he ran around, munching on anything he could get his hands on.
"THE FUCK DO OU THINK-STOP IT YOU PERVERTS!" Velvette shouted as Iruma cleared out an entire store in ten seconds. "IM GOING TO MAKE YOU BOTH WISH YOU WERENT BO-FUCK OFF, I CAN BUY AND SELL ALL OF YOU!"
"Too bad you can buy back your dignity, paper doll slut!" Loona chuckled at the sight …
"Done." Iruma came back, picking her up. "Your muscles working, or do I need to carry you on my back while we run?"
"You think you can with that busted shoulder?"
"Please, I've lifted heavier." He nodded as he lifted her up.
"Whoa.." She said in shock. "Wow kid.. that's some muscle you got on you."
"Nah, that's just leverage." He nodded.
"Also pretty sure we have a few more minutes if …" She stared at the empty stores. "… You ate everything…"
"Oh I'm sorry,'did you want some?" He asked with a really cute head tilt. "You said to help myself and my mind kind of went blank there.." He burped up a button.
"Pfffttt ahahaabahahaba, you… you fucking ate ALL of Velvetts clothes! Her entire line.. gone I. That black hole you call a stomach." Loona rolled on the ground.
"It's more use than they would've gotten out of it being just regular clothes." Iruma smiled as he patted his stomach, the two of them making it out of the mall. "Are all clothing stores in hell like this? Cause if so, shopping might've gotten a lot more fun than I thought."
"Pretty sure it was just a special occasion thing. I'll hit you up again if I think it's a repeat incident." Loona snickered.
"Looking forward to it." The kid grinned. "Thanks Loona… You., you actually helped me there."
"Don't mention it." She smirked. "… Seriously, don't tell anyone about this."
The kid blinked. "But Alastor's broadcasting everything around me all the time."
"….. " Loona blinked. "Iruma … my muscles are coming back to me, and I'm about to go on a blind frenzic rage and you're the nearest target… run."
"Already on it!" He screamed in fear. "Sorrrrrryyyyy!"
"..Dumb … cute kid." She laughed to herself. She had the weirdest friend…. Her only friend… it was still new to her…. But… but maybe she could work with it.
Val watched as the perfumes and smoke wafted off the girl as she stormed around "That no good little runt, stripping me in public like that, I'm gonna murder him!" So this is what Velv looked like when she was ticked off. So rarely it happened honestly, she was usually one to let it simmer in private more than either of them, or handle the issue immediately. "All those fucking perverts online mocking me, fucking ME of all people!? I will buy and burn them to the ground.. and I don't have small boobs!"
"... You know some people actually have a preference for-" Val started.
"Don't you dare even start, moth man!" Velve shot an accusatory finger and one of her potions at him. "It'll take months to make up the revenue that little bitch boy ate up, not to mention the longer wait time for this fashion disaster to die the fuck down!"
"Still think I'm being a 'pissy baby' over this?" Vox glared.
"I swear if it wasn't for that fucking goetia, I would go over there and turn that hellhound into my fall line!" She screamed out.
"The radio demon is one thing, but both of you have the rage kink against the kid now?" Val smiled. "And I'm supposed to be the impulsive one of the V's." Role reversals were always so fun … especially when he was on top.
"How can we not when the little shrimp is able to fail his fucking way upwards!? I'm starting to suspect Alastor chose this kid specifically because we can't screw with him with our usual methods." Vox grumbled.
"What kind of low class fuck would choose to degrade themselves?" Velv muttered angrily. "Fucking dumbass!"
Val took a draw of smoke. "Welp, you know the saying. If you want someone fucked right, you fuck them yourself." Looks like it was his turn to screw the kid over.