I revised this chapter. If I ever finish, I plan to go back and shape up all chapters for a smoother read. Sorry for any typos, I get so bored when editing that I lose all momentum to write the next part so I panic and the words start to all blur together... anyone else like that or is it just me being weird? I promise, I love writing! (sweats profusely)- Red.

Chapter 11 – The Chaos Inside

The sunlight dwindled and the last puffs of light teased the ends of Karen's hair. We'd driven for miles and yelled at eachother for most of them. I didn't know how to get through to her, maybe I'd never been able to, I wondered if there was anyone who could change her mind once it was set. She'd gone too far for me and she'd been reckless with this new power ripping through her. She was supposed to move on, leave me where I was. Instead, she'd risked everything to give me my freedom.

We pulled up at the copper structure, it was exactly how we'd left it, frozen in time, separate from reality. The only pocket of respite I've had since the carousel. I never thought I'd feel anything but hatred ever again, I never wanted to; I just wanted to cut some of the filth out of New York before joining Maria and the kids. Karen was unexpected, how did someone that I was never meant to meet become so important to me? I wanted her- every touch, every argument, every frown in my direction. It was overwhelming to want anything at all, let alone the way I wanted her.

Karen got out of the car and looked up at the water tower. Her hair whipping against the wind like golden ribbons tangling over her back. I stepped outside after her. "Get your things. We won't be coming back," she said.

"Do you want to tell me what you got planned there? Letting me in on any of the details would be great."

"We gotta keep going Frank. I did what I could to make the cops confused back there but they will be coming after both of us. We need to leave."

I shook her shoulders. "You think we're going to waltz into that rosy sunset with our wits and a duffle of guns? Go back, fix this. Say I made you."

She slammed her hands against my chest but I barely inched back. "I can't go back. Nothing will change what is happening to me Frank. So, get your fucking things before I make you." There was a fire in her eyes that seethed right through me but her hands were trembling and she was stumbling every few steps she took. I put my palms on the paleness of her face, she was worn out, god knows how long she's been going for and how much it was taking out of her. Is this what feeling for me did to her? Or is it the thing inside that's changing her body and mind? The thing they put there.

"What happened since I saw you last?"

She winced. "The world got smaller."

More weapons, clothes, medical supplies, camping gear. That was all I really had here and it would have to do. I'd travel with her to the next stop and if I couldn't convince her to turn back, I knew what my next move had to be. She'd find me in a cell but she wouldn't find me if I chose to hide and so I'd leave her for the last time.

We've had enough goodbyes, we wouldn't need another and I doubt either of us could take the last one. Maybe if she hates me, she'd let me go that much quicker.

Whether she crept in my head when my eyes were closed or not, I would dream of her. Her smile, and her rage, her strength even when she was terrified. I would feel the warmth of her on the coldest nights but I would only hear the chaos in my mind where there was once her voice to guide me past the endless darkness.

We'd made some good distance through the night.

"Let's set up camp," I said. She looked over me with a scrunched-up nose. "Oh, did you want the 'life on the run' luxury package? Afraid they were fresh out."

"I am nothing if not adaptable," she said, nose in the air even in her clearly exhausted state.

We came to a site nearby and I set up the equipment. A small but neat black tent and some battery powered lights shrouded by trees was up quickly. Karen stood with armfuls of sleeping bag and watched me work. She didn't waste any time when it was finished and settled down inside quickly. I sat beside her.

"All of this to share a sleeping bag with me Castle. Really, you've outdone yourself," she grinned, and it brightened the night. I couldn't help but smirk.

"No one could blame me."

She yanked me closer and I didn't fight her on it. She was cold and on instinct I held her tighter under the thick fleece. I stroked her hair until my heartbeat slowed, my body was struggling to comprehend that this would be the last time I'd have her in my arms.

"What does the power feel like Karen?" I asked.

Every muscle of hers tensed. "Like someone decided to make my brain abstract," she said.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Yes."

"Which?"

"Both."

"Karen."

"The more I use the power the more I feel like." She tucked her head under my chin. "Like it uses me. It can hurt but not always."

"Today?"

"Towards the end, it got difficult," she admitted.

"Fuck. Why did you bust me out?" I asked. She was warming up but the thought of her waking up cold and alone in a few short hours and in the state she was in, made me sick.

"Matt and Foggy screwed you. God knows where you would have ended up in that place, I couldn't leave you like that. Besides, if you haven't been paying much attention, I'm in love with you."

She was quiet, I was quiet. I let out the breath I was holding and placed the softest kiss on her knuckles.

I woke to Karen crying and realised I'd fallen asleep when I wasn't meant to. I was always at my post but tonight I'd abandoned it to bury my face in her hair and submit to the deepest of rests. I could feel fresh tears soaking through my shirt at the shoulder. "Shh," I soothed. She opened her eyes.

"I still look for you," she said. I wiped her face.

"You can stop looking now." Please stop looking. Don't follow me again. Be free of me. She leaned in and kissed me but I had to pull away before I lost myself.

"Don't. There is so little time," she whispered. Her hands felt their way over my heart. I wanted to tangle my fingers in her hair, trace the line of her delicate neck right up to the spot behind her ear that made her ask for more, I wanted to delve into her beauty and resist reason just a bit longer. To know each other's thoughts, to have the images that make up her life fill every corner of my mind. I ripped myself away, before I lost all will power.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I know your going to leave me." I froze. "I'm not going back either way. There are people that shouldn't see me like this."

Of course, I knew she could have looked in my head at any moment but I thought she would have said something by now if she had known what I was planning. "You can manage this. You can learn to live with it, like Red has. He can help you. I'm not the one to help you control this."

"I'm not here for help to control it," she said.

"Why are you here?"

"I want you. Not Matt, not anyone else."

"Why? What can I give you exactly that someone else can't? I'm drawing a blank."

"Frank, you know why."

"This isn't you. You don't give up. This isn't god damn you."

She got up, awkwardly fumbling to tear herself from the tent and took off in a lopsided sprint. Her long legs half-ran, half-hobbled over roots and foliage, miraculously staying upright. I followed her and clutched her arm before she could go any further.

"Leave. Me. Alone. Here's your chance. Right here, right now, you know- to escape me. That's where this is going, isn't it? Tell me I'm wrong."

"You can't just mind-read me when you want!"

"I haven't, I guess I'm just getting to know you real well." Tears filled her eyes.

"Everyone around me dies Karen. How much more proof of that do you fucking need!" The sound hit the trees and then came silence. Her eyes bored into me and the fear in them twisted my gut. She wasn't telling me something. I knew that.

"I'm already dying Frank." Silence again and the world, it got smaller.