Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls
Author's Notes: I know it's been a while, but here we are with another chapter!
Thanks for reading and please review.
After the fiasco that was yesterday, Mabel, Bill and Dipper were busy trying to decide what to wear to the school dance. Actually, Dipper had chosen an outfit when they had visited the mall the night before. Mabel, and Bill however, had chosen several possible outfits and just couldn't decide which one they like more.
Janna had come over to help Bill decide, since she was his date and all; he wanted her opinion.
Mabel thought it was sweet that Bill cared about her input, while Dipper knew that the obsessive demon just wanted to make sure their outfits were coordinated. He wasn't even sure when Bill had met Janna, much less when he had decided he liked her. But with her weird and creepy personality he could see why.
Janna had of course invited Wendy along, and well having his crush this close to him was making him a little nervous.
Mabel would have loved to invite her friends Candy and Grenda, but sadly they were away. The girls were in the band, and the basketball team was going to the semi-finals thanks to the Warriors forfeiting the last game. The Band always played during sporting events. So Mabel was constantly texting the two for their opinion on several outfits.
"Does everything have to be yellow?" Janna complained as she held up a button down shirt.
The five friends had moved to the living room to have more space.
"It's gold!" Bill corrected her.
"I like this one." Janna said abandoning the shirt for a picture of Dipper from one of the shelves. It was the classic baby in the bathtub photo that Stan always hung up when girls were over, just to embarrass him.
"Janna!" Dipper yelled trying to snatch it from her.
"So, you and Janna hu?" Wendy asked as they watched.
"Yeah she's cool." Bill said and then whispered. "But I think she has a thing for Pine Tree."
"I could have sworn I got rid of this." Dipper screamed finally getting the picture from her.
"I made copies." Bill said with a sneer.
Dipper goes to throw the picture at him, only to stop as Bill's personal mirror phone begins to ring.
"It's my father!" He exclaimed as he pulled out the phone and looked at it.
"What did you do?" Dipper asked knowingly.
"Nothing." Bill claimed, and then smiled. "Yet."
"Well answer it!" Dipper insisted.
"Yellow?" Bill answered.
"William I have told you time and time again it's Hello not Yellow!" Hannibal lectured.
Bill rolled his eyes. "I'm kind of in the middle of something here."
Bill's father's tone suddenly changes. "Oh good so you remembered then?"
"Remembered?" Bill asked.
"Your mother's present William, for our anniversary you promised me you would get it." Hannibal insisted in a low whisper.
"Oh that thing." Bill laughed unevenly. "Oh yeah I totally remember that…"
Hannibal sighs in relief. "Thank the elder gods." He whispered. "I don't think I could manage a repeat of last year."
Bill shivered as the unwanted memory started to surface, he pushed it away. "Relax father I got this in the bag." Bill assured him, even though he was freaking out deep inside.
"When will it be ready?"
"Uh give me 3 hours." Bill tells him looking around desperately.
"Three?" Hannibal sounds urgent again. "What am I supposed to do with three hours?"
Bill groaned openly. "Wine her, dine her, seriously I am beginning to wonder how you convinced her to marry you in the first place."
"I was younger then." Hannibal reasoned. "Less to worry about, more time to focus on your mother."
Bill sighed feeling slightly guilty now. He knew being king was no small task, and he had agreed to help his father make this anniversary their best one yet. "Just make her feel special, I'll have the gift ready soon."
"Very well." Hannibal sighs.
Bill hangs up grumbling to himself.
"Everything ok?" Mabel asked
Bill ignored her, throwing himself on the couch in despair. "I can't believe I forgot." He whined.
"Bill what's wrong?" Wendy asked as the girls paraded around him, looking concerned.
"Yeah you can tell us." Janna assured him.
Dipper however took an entirely different approach, he knew the demon prince long enough to know that he wasn't the innocent victim he was making himself out to be. "What did you do?" He asked.
"I told my dad I'd get mother's anniversary gift for him." Bill admitted, his face buried in the cushion.
"Why can't he do it?" Dipper asked bluntly.
Bill sat up hastily. "Because he's a busy man, and the last time he got so busy he forgot to pick her up something." He explained.
"And you're freaking out over that?" Dipper scoffed. "I am sure a sophisticated woman like your mother wouldn't let a missing gift ruin a special day."
Mabel gives her brother a look of pure indifference. "Dipper women take an anniversary very seriously."
"Yeah dude." Wendy agreed. "If you forget a gift it's basically stating that you forgot the day all together."
"Exactly!" Bill agreed. "And last year…" He stopped shivering at the memory. "Let's just say things did not go so well last year."
"Then go to the store and get her something." Dipper insisted. He still doesn't get why Bill is so overwhelmed.
"Mother is impossible to shop for." Bill whined. "And no store on Earth will have anything she likes."
"Then why don't we go to her favorite store?" Mabel suggested.
Bill's whole face lit up; what Mabel said had gave him an idea. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that sooner? We can go to Quest Buy."
"Quest Buy?" Dipper and the girl's asked.
Without giving a response, Bill uses his scissors to open a portal and pulled his friends in after him.
"Welcome to Quest Buy!" he exclaimed.
The human teens gasped in unison.
Quest Buy was beyond huge!
It had to be the biggest Mall that Mabel had ever seen in her life! Her eyes are wider than usual, and as she looks around in wonder they continue to get impossibly wider. "It's like a shopping wonderland." She gasped. "Let's never leave!"
"Whoa…" Dipper said.
"Attention, Quest Buy shoppers. We have a red ticket special - 25% off of all things that murder," someone said on the PA.
Janna was now wide eyed with wonder. "Did you hear that?" She asked. "They sell murder items!"
"On purpose?" Wendy asked.
Dipper looked around the store, taking in the sights when he notices a familiar item. "Gnome repellent?" He asked picking up the can. "Hey this is the same brand Grunkle Stan used to keep the gnomes away from Mabel."
"You wear Gnome repellent?" Bill asked her as he gave her a weird look. "What's that about?"
Mabel shook her. "Don't go there." She warned.
Dipper placed the can down and looked at the next item on the shelf. "Extra-strength ghost heads, wolfs-bane? How do you find anything in this place?" He asked.
"It only looks messy." Bill assured him. "Legend says that the founders of Quest Buy had an ancient cryptic system of symbols they used to organize the store. Some have gone mad trying to decipher it!" He explained.
"Well hopefully we can find your mom something in time." Mabel said.
"Luckily, I myself know my way around here pretty well myself, if I do say so myself" Bill smiled mischievously.
"Do you ever think that maybe you think of yourself a little too much?" Dipper challenged.
Bill thought for a moment. "Nope!" He answered with a laugh and then grabbing a cart he declared. "This way!"
At that, they all ran off towards one end of the massive store.
After a short while, they encountered some type of sphinx blocking the way.
"Halt! Those who wish to pass my lair, answer my riddles if you dare! I do not breathe-" it began.
"A leg," Bill said, impatiently.
"-But I run-"
"I'm telling you, it's a leg," Bill interrupted.
"-And jump-"
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Bill screamed. "IT IS A LEG!"
"...Wait, how could you possibly know that?" the sphinx asked.
"I'm a Cipher you twit!" Bill growled. "Now open up!"
The sphinx lets them proceed through a passage under her chest.
"Thank you!" Mabel called out as the friends ran through.
"Okay, should be right through here!" Bill said, however…
"Gnome repellent? Extra-strength ghost heads? We're right back where we started! How is this even possible?" Dipper said, confused.
"Let's see. We made a right turn, then another right turn, then another right turn, then another right turn. Ugh! This makes no sense!" Mabel said.
Dipper however sees the issue. "You led us in a complete circle Bill." He looks around frantically then. "And Janna and Wendy are missing!" He realized. "This is great, just great!"
"I don't get it." Bill is also perplexed. "Mother's favorite section of the store should be right here."
"Maybe we could try to make sense of the store guide." Dipper said as they moved forward once more. "I mean you said it yourself, you are a Cipher."
Before he could answer, Bill's cart bumped into another, its owner was the last person he wanted to see.
"Well, well, well. Looks like Quest Buy really does have everything a demon could want!" Tad said.
His sudden stop forced his monsters to run into each other abruptly behind him.
"Tad!" Bill said, as Dipper and Mabel prepared to fight.
"Hand over the wand, or there's going to be a big cleanup on aisle…" Tad paused, and then asked, "Uh, what aisle is this?"
A nearby sloth employee replied in a monotone voice, "Sorry, that's not my department," and then walked away.
"The service here is terrible." Dipper pointed out.
"I know right?" Tad said forgetting their squabble for the moment. "Who in their right mind would hire a bunch of sloths…?" He stops remembering himself. "Never mind that attack!" He ordered his minions.
The minions move to attack but freeze as Bill raises his cane.
"Giant Severed heads of Doom!" Bill attempted to launch a spell, only for his cane to sputter out some blue smoke. "Now what's wrong with this thing?" He asked himself, shaking it madly about. "I swear I was better off with how I was before."
"Well if you would practice real spells and stop making them up maybe it would work!" Dipper yelled.
"Don't just stand there you idiots get him!" Tad called out, as the teens backed into a pile of boxes.
Dipper turned to see the boxes and instantly has an idea. "Big Boy Diaper Blast!" He called out as he threw one of the boxes at Tad's minions. Bill and Mabel do the same.
"Do I really sound that lame when I call out spells." Bill asked.
"Not as lame as Dipper performing a fake spell when he knows real magic." Mabel pointed out.
"Magic doesn't solve problems!" Dipper screamed. "Just look at all the problems it's given us!" He added, throwing another one at Tad, knocking him back.
The teens take the chance and make a run for a different section of the store, Bill gasped. "Oh, no! This doesn't look familiar at all!"
"You know what? We tried this your way. Now we're gonna try this the organized way," Dipper said looking at a nearby store directory, with an indicator that read "You Might Be Here".
"I'm telling you it's hopeless." Bill reasoned. "Not even my father can figure this place out."
"Just tell me what we're looking for?" Dipper demanded.
"Mother loves to collect glass figurines of her favorite supernatural creatures." Bill answered. "If we are lucky they'll be one of the Elder dragon."
Dipper nodded as he continue to study the guide. "Hmm... I think I got it. That elevator will take us right to the glass figurines department! Come on!" Dipper said, leading the way.
"What about Wendy and Janna?" Mabel cried as she and Bill followed.
"Well catch them on the way." Dipper advised as they reached the elevator.
They rushed in and rode it up.
Meanwhile, Tad and his monsters were forced to use the other elevator, having seen that the teens had closed the doors just in time to escape him.
"Hold the door there, folks!" a large slug monster called, trying to get into the elevator before it closed.
Tad, thoroughly disgusted, mashed the door close button, muttering, "Oh, close, close, close, close!"
The door started to close at Tad's request, but the slug monster caught the door, forced it back open, said, "Thank you!" in a friendly manner, and squished into the elevator, pressing them against the back wall. The door closed again, causing slime to seep out.
As the teens went up the elevator, a sign was visible reading "Glass Figurines", and Bill sighs in relief. "Thank the Elder Gods."
"Told you I'd get us there," Dipper said.
Suddenly the power went out.
"We stopped," Bill said.
Luckily they stopped just below another floor, and Bill pried open the doors, and climbed up hitting his head on a "Not in Service" sign in the process. Dipper and Mabel climbed out after him when another sloth employee addressed them. "Sorry, folks, this elevator's no longer in service. Welcome to the booby trap department."
"Oof," Dipper muttered.
"Please step carefully-" The sloth employee ended up caught in a large mouse trap contraption, causing the twins to gasp in fear and worry.
"Don't help me up! I get worker's comp for this!" the sloth said.
"Dipper, guys over here!" Janna yelled.
Dipper turns to see Janna trying to set a bear trap as big as the Shack's living room.
"Now that's what I call a trap." Bill approved as they raced over.
"Dude where did you guys go?" Wendy asked coming up from behind Janna.
"In a circle." Dipper said with annoyance. "You?"
"Oh Janna used the guide to find the murder weapons." Wendy answered. "I got this cool Ax." She added holding it up.
Dipper suddenly felt the urge to strangle Bill. "I thought people go mad trying to figure it out."
Bill laughed. "Are you implying that Janna is sane?"
Janna gasped. "Dipper I'm offended."
Just then, the other elevator opened, and the large slug squeezed out. "See you later, guys! ...Uh, guys?"
Tad and his monsters who were stuck to the back of the large slug, pulled themselves free.
Tad fixed his skull hat and called out, "Get them!"
The monster's charge.
"Who are they?" Wendy asked.
"Explain later." Dipper rasped as they all began to run. "Run now!"
Tad's minions followed running over anything and anyone in their way.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," the sloth employee said as Tad's monsters ran over him.
Running down a corridor, Bill suddenly stopped us. "Blades of doom!" he called out, just as swinging axes appeared and they all dodged them; Some of Tad's Monsters were not so lucky.
"Massacre darts!" Bill shouted out another warning.
"I wonder if those are part of the discount." Janna asked.
Dodging the tranquilizer darts were actually easy thanks to Bill's warning. One of Tad's other monsters got hit with several darts, causing him to pass out.
"A hallway with walls that smash together periodically!" Bill screamed.
"How do you know this?" Wendy asked.
"My buddies and I used to use this place for our crew initiations." Bill yelled over the sound of crashing walls as they ran through. "But after one too many near death injuries Father banned me from this part of the store." The walls ahead of them smashed together, before they retracted again. Big Chicken ended up getting squished by another set of walls behind them.
"We made it!" Dipper said as they finally arrived at the Glass Figurines department.
Hundreds, perhaps thousands of different glass figurines lined the shelves; it would probably take days to search through them all and find the elder dragon.
"We don't have much time!" Bill noticed his watched showed that two and a half hours had already past.
"Janna and Dipper know how to find stuff." Mabel pointed out.
Dipper nodded. "We'll figure this out, you three hold off the monsters."
"Right!" Bill held his cane up at the ready, hoping this time it worked, while Mabel pulled out her grappling hook.
Wendy held up her knew ax. "Guess I'm breaking this in early!" She screamed
Mabel climbed a shelf and knocked it down over Bericorn, jumping off it as it went down and landing on its rear, before landing on another. The giraffe monster head-butted the shelf, causing her to fly into a higher shelf where a sloth employee was sitting and watching TV.
"You're not gonna tell my boss about this, are you?" he asked.
"As long as we don't have to clean this up." Mabel bargained.
"Agreed." The sloth said, returning his gaze to the TV. "Not my department anyway."
Meanwhile, Big Chicken and a porky looking monster teamed up against Wendy, who swung her ax at them. They fell back in order to dodge the blade falling into an old-looking lady shopper who stopped abruptly.
"Well, well, well. It looks like Mama's having pork chops and Chicken for supper," she said as she picked them up, placed him into her cart, and walked away.
Back to Dipper, who picked up a glass figurine of a dragon "Fire dragon of Mt. Lure" He groaned. "How many legendary dragons are there anyway?"
"4,786!" Bill yelled as Lobster Claws charged for him, he smiled as Dipper groaned even louder before adding. "Now let's try this again." He said before pointing his cane. "Giant Severed heads of Doom!"
Wendy, and Mabel got out of the way as a swarm of giant baby heads went straight for the clawed monster, sending him crashing into a shelf causing several things to fall off, including a box labeled "Beak n' Trim", a tool box, and a mace. The mace knocked the monster out completely.
Just then, Bill yelled, "Dipper, How's it going?"
"Not-a." Dipper reported. "Would be easier if Janna would help!"
"I'm looking." Janna said as she watched Dipper do all the work.
Dipper rolled his eyes and stopped as he caught a glance of his target.
The elder dragon stood at the very top shelf, the last one in stock. "I found it!" Dipper cried reaching for it.
Suddenly a hand grabbed it first.
"Oh no I saw it first." Dipper said snatching the figurine from the small girl who had grabbed it.
"Dipper!" Mabel shouted as the girl began to cry.
"No I worked too hard for this!" Dipper said turning a deaf ear to her cries.
"Pine Tree I am so proud of you right now." Bill praised.
"Yeah great." Dipper said dashing up to him. "Can we go now?"
"Yeah… Fantastic Exit Beam!" He shouted. The blast of magic propelled them the other direction, away from Tad and towards the exit. Picking up Mabel, Janna, and Wendy as they passed them.
"You gonna pay for the Figurine?" a sloth employee said.
"Nah, put it on my uncle's tab. He kind of owes us," Bill replied.
"You realize we can just walk, right?" Dipper said.
"Sure, but this is way cooler." Bill reasoned.
"Best day at the Mall ever." Mabel exclaimed.
"We are never coming back here." Dipper decreed.
The girls groaned in disapproval.
"I can't believe that stupid brat and his friends bested me again!" Tad said disappointed.
"So you're the one paying for this mess?" the sloth asked Tad.
Sure enough, almost half the store was in shambles, which was impressive given the store's massive size.
Tad chuckled nervously, "Ummm, I must have dropped my wallet in the fight…"
The sloths around him growled and began to pounce on Tad and what was left of his minions, saliva dripping from their mouths.
Meanwhile the teens emerged from a dimensional portal back into Livingroom of the Shack just as Hannibal walked in.
Bill smiles as the portal disappears before he can see it.
"I trust you found something worth wrapping." Hannibal stated.
"Relax I have the perfect gift." Bill held up the Elder dragon.
"My word how did you ever find it?" Hannibal exclaimed.
"It wasn't easy." Dipper said, doing his best to give nothing away.
"Thank you William." Hannibal takes the dragon happily. "Your mother will be so surprised."
Bill can't help the smile that forms on his face, it is not often he and his father get along.
"Well I must be off." Hannibal says in a rush. "Before your mother notices my absence." He waves as he leaves. "Good bye Children, Mason make sure William stays out of trouble."
Dipper nodded not even bothering to correct the man about using his real name.
Bill rolled his eyes, it would appear the touching moment between them was over.
The girls waved goodbye as Hannibal left through the door, once it was closed behind him, the teens fell to the floor in unison.
"I just want to die." Dipper says.
The others groan in agreement.
Suddenly Stan and Ford come rushing in, shouting can be heard from behind them as they forced the door close.
Dipper sits up. "How'd it go?" Their uncles had gone out a second time in search of the moth-man and looked just as empty handed as before.
"I told you not to touch the gold!" Ford screamed.
The teens each armed themselves as the door begins to bend from the power of whatever was trying to get in.
"Ready?" Ford asked as he reached for the door.
Everyone nodded.
Ford twisted the door open, and Dipper had only seconds to recognize the monstrous leprechaun growling with jagged teeth.
Stan had stolen his gold one too many times, and now he was out for blood.
The teens and the Stans raised their weapons and charged!
-To Be Continued