A/N: Hello! I'm sorry it took so long. This chapter was very hard to write for many reasons. Number one being it's a flashback when Johnny finds out the truth about Nancy. The second being I can relate to a degree with Johnny in this chapter. Without giving much of my personal life away, I also had something hidden from me from my childhood and when I found out - it didn't end well. Not to the point where I got a physical scar though, thank God! This chapter is also the longest at around roughly 11k words! WOO! I hope you enjoy because I sure as hell did NOT enjoy writing it lol! Also, shoutout to JISPOOKS on X! They allowed me to use the image you see below (not on fanfiction site). Please go check out their work! Thanks for reading! :)

June, 1959

Fourteen Years Prior

Newt, Texas

Song recommendation: "Family Line" by Conan Gray

WARNING: This chapter contains physical violence to a minor.

Art piece by JISPOOKS on X.

Another Version Of The Truth

Johnny

-.-

Thud.

The sound of a meat cleaver doing a final chop against the metal table echoed throughout the room. I had been helpin' Drayton and Hands at the slaughterhouse for about a year now. Mama thought it was about time for me to help out besides hunting small animals - that didn't really help much at all. I overheard my mama and Drayton talkin' the other day; maybe by this time next year I'd be able to go on my first actual hunt. But for now, it's just small animals and butcherin' the larger meat so we can sell it and eat what we don't. My uncle Drayton had taught me how to properly butcher the meat while my other uncle - Hands - had agreed to teach me to properly hunt next year. I'm actually happy to do this; knowin' I'm providin' for my family. It makes me feel more useful than helpin' mama or Sissy with their flower and vegetable gardens. I don't know if I could stand another day of hearin' my mama and Sissy yap about anything and everything. At the slaughterhouse, it's pretty quiet unless Drayton is barkin' orders. I get to play music, mind my business, and know I'm doing something to help one of our businesses and provide the excess food for our constantly hungry stomachs.

I slid the cleaver across the metal table before picking up the dismembered arm with my gloved hand. Nearby, I had the radio turned on to the latest music station - trying to make the shift go by a bit easier. I don't get paid much - since we also can't afford much. I take whatever Drayton decides to give me. No matter if it's just a few pennies or making me quick to eat. It all has the same worth to me in the end. The radio was replaying a song that came out a few years ago from some Elvis fellow. I didn't mind him - I enjoyed the rock music, actually. He brought a new sound and rhythm that are making everyone crazy - especially women. I see the way the women swoon over him on the television. It's actually pretty cool. I don't recon I've seen the public react this way towards any person before. His voice, dance moves, fashion, and stage presence was something that was a breath of fresh air. Sissy and mama swooned over him, gatherin' by the television or radio to catch a glimpse of him or at least his unique voice. I can't even lie, he's influenced me a bit too. His slicked back hair was something I've been recently stylin' when I get the chance. Mama finds it adorable while Drayton thinks I look like a damn fool. However, I've seen how women started to turn their heads towards me even more since I've been stylin' it this way. Maybe that Elvis man is a genius or somethin'.

You ain't nothin' but a hound dog,
Cryin' all the time.
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog,
Cryin' all the time.
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit,
And you ain't no friend of mine.

I muttered the lyrics to myself as the blood began to drain from the open wound of the stranger. I don't know shit about this person besides it's a male, based on their torso, and that they're gonna be serving us well. I had already cut off the man's other arm, both legs, and his head. I tossed the newly severed arm into a large barrel before gripping the meat cleaver a bit tighter than before, slicing between the random man's pec's before dragging the cleaver down just below his belly button. I pulled back the several layers of skin before grabbing another tool - a rib splitter. I placed the two clamps between the man's ribs before searching around for the excess tool to help break them open. Where the hell did I put that damn thing? I patted around on the metal table, where blood poured into little drains on the side, before going into a bucket nearby. Nothin'. My brows furrowed together in frustration and confusion as I continued to search around. Where the hell was it?! It wasn't under the table. It wasn't in the grate below me - where the excess blood would drip down. It wasn't in the storage bins either. Fuck, it wasn't even in my god damn hand where I might've blocked it out from my vision. The fuck was it?!

"Hi!" Someone beamed. I was underneath the metal embalming table when a random voice startled me. I let out a yell, my voice echoing off the walls, before jumping and accidentally smacking the back of my head on the table. I let out a pained groan before closing my eyes, wincing in the process. Fuck, that shit hurt! I growled in further annoyance as I quickly got up and turned around, facing whoever the fuck it was who caused an slowly growing headache.

"WHO THE HELL-" I yelled but cut myself off. Behind me was none other than that skittish shithead named Nubbins. Nubbins is a year younger than me despite being my uncle. My entire family is fuckin' confusing. Despite his age, Grandpa was pretty "active". Drayton is the oldest of the bunch, then mama at the second oldest, followed by Nubbins and Robert who are twins, and the youngest being Bubba. Drayton is somewhere in his twenties - while Nubbins and Robert are thirteen - making Bubba the youngest at nine. Hands was the brother of Harold - my mama's ex husband - who decided to stick around despite mama getting rid of him. Sissy, my cousin, is one year younger than me at just thirteen. With Nubbins, I view more like a cousin than an uncle since we're super close in age. I tolerated him but mainly because I know that somethin' ain't right upstairs. He was never the brightest or sanest and has been like that for as long as I can remember. Must've been dropped on his head and rolled down several flights of stairs as a newborn. I wouldn't be surprised, honestly.

Sissy, on the other hand, I was close to. I honestly viewed her more like a sister than anything. She's very into nature and would rather help out with the cooking, cleaning, and gardening around our properties. She's a bit squeamish at the blood and guts here at the slaughter house so I doubt she helps me out anytime soon. Drayton also prefers Sissy to do the same duties as Nancy anyways. Somethin' about a typical women's job anyways.

"Hi!" Nubbins repeated again, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly as he looked up at me. I glared down at him - noticing not only his large smile but the little tool in his hand that I needed to crank open the rib splitter.

"Hi." I spat out before my gaze went to his twitching hand, "I'm gonna need that back."

"W-what's the magic w-w-word?" Nubbins stuttered out with a little chuckle.

"Now." I demanded.

"Nope, a-a-access denied!" He denied with another chuckle, "T-t-try again!"

So I did as I answered, "You need fuckin' speech therapy?" Nubbins' happy smile dimmed as he got sad and frustrated - showing how offended I made him. I smirked in the process with a slight shrug. Nubbins scoffed as he slammed the tiny wrench into my hand, I gave him a nod - silently thanking him - before shaking the little tool in front of his face to lightly taunt him.

"Y-you don't have to be a d-dick!" Nubbins stuttered out of frustration. I gave a low chuckle before shaking my head, turning back to the bigger project I was required to focus on. Part of me is flattered that Drayton has left me in charge of this stuff. It shows how capable and physically strong I've become. Yeah, I'm only fourteen. But I can't lie - I'm stronger than other people I've seen around my age at church. I attached the little wrench to the rib splitter before starting to rotate it, the ribs slowly cracking and echoing off the walls. Nubbins' little smile returned back as he watched over my shoulder, psycho analyzing every movement that I did. He pointed to one of the ribs, "T-t-that's gonna b-break off!"

"I got it." I reassured him.

"No! I-I-I-it's gonna split!" He insisted. I looked closer and it was doing fine. Plus, even if it did split, I would be able to clean it up. Yeah, it would be a pain to get every little fragment but it's nothing I haven't done before. I've been doing this for about a year now - or damn near. Plus all the years I've watched Drayton and Hands closely. I had a decent idea on what to do at this point.

"I said I got it." I raised my voice slightly, trying to tell the skittish fucker to get off my back, but that didn't stop Nubbins.

"I-i-it's breaking! Y-you should-"

"I SAID I GOT-!"

Snap! The sound of a bone lightly cracking filled the air around us. Nubbins and I looked down at the exposed chest cavity of the man; seeing not just the fully cracked rib that Nubbins warned me about - but a few others. The bones and extra fragments fell into the gaping hole that exposed the now still and empty heart along with the lungs. My eyes widened at the mess, knowing I'd need to clean it up. My frustration towards Nubbins along with him distracting me caused me to lose focus and use too much force on the now slightly dry and brittle bones. My eyes scanned all over the fragments in shock before growing agitated. Shit, this is gonna take a while to clean up. Not to mention, I needed to be careful as to not accidentally scrape the bone fragments against the organs. Drayton is expecting these for dinner the next few nights.

Nubbins chuckled, "T-t-told you!"

"Don't you have anything better to do?!" I snapped before grabbing a pair of tweezers nearby. I tightened the gloves on my hands before leaning over the large chest cavity. I inched the tweezers in before grabbing the large fragments first with them or my gloved fingers. I began to place all the fragments in a pile on the side before just using the tweezers to get the tinier pieces I couldn't pick up alone.

"S-S-Sissy said I c-can hang out with y-you!" Nubbins stuttered out. I raised my head slightly, looking past the dirty windows of our slaughterhouse, and into the loading dock. Sissy was cleaning up some of the trash and placing it into a large barrel as she planned to mow and replant some of her flowers around the area. Although her flowers aren't super helpful at all, they are pretty to look at. Drayton thinks it's a waste of time but it keeps her out of his receding hairline - so he allows her to do it.

"Of course she did." I scoffed out with a defeated sigh.

"Y-y-you missed-"

"Nubbins!" I raised my voice again before facing him, "I don't need you breathin' down my neck. Got it?! I can handle my own. I don't need you, Drayton, Hands, or even mama to watch over me anymore." With that I turned back around to the bigger headache I had. I cleaned up the rest of the tiny fragments - at least as much as I could - before grabbing a little hand saw. I began to gently grind the teeth against the trachea and left primary bronchi - trying to detach the left lung sack from the main tree-like branches. As I sawed away some more, the tougher it became. I gently held the left lung in my hand as I continued to cut my way through, little grunts escaping my throat. Nubbins let out a frustrated sigh as he paced behind me, his arms twitching in the process as his mind began to swell with his thoughts and emotions.

"Why d-do you even c-call her that anyways?!" Nubbins sighed out of frustration.

"What, mama?" I glanced back at him.

"Y-y-yeah?! It's not like s-s-she actually is!"

I rolled my eyes at him - not taking what he said seriously, "Okay, whatever you say. It's not my fault that I live with the mother that birthed me while yours probably became dinner or somethin'."

Nubbins let out a dry laugh, "Birth y-you?! T-t-that's a great joke!"

"Joke?" I looked over my shoulder at him again, "What joke? Why do you keep sayin' this shit?"

Nubbins' annoyed facial expression dimmed as his eyes began to widen. My eyes roamed over his face some more along with his body. Nubbins eyes shifted around to avoid my gaze - worry and panic coating them - as his twitchin' hands began to rub against each other nervously. Based on his obvious body language, I could tell he mentioned something that he wasn't supposed to. Nubbins was just picking on me, right? The shit he said didn't weigh any true meaning. So, why was he acting this way? Was it to just fuck with me? Then again... why did I have a feeling he was trying to tell me something?

I hesitated before repeating myself; "Nubbins, what joke?"

At that moment, one of the back doors of the loading dock creaked open. Nubbins and I snapped our attention in the direction, wondering who's entering our family owned slaughterhouse. A young girl around our age walked into the open area that Nubbins and I were standing in. She had her long blonde hair tied back - but some messy strands hung in front of her face as she was recently hard at work. She wore a white collared blouse where the sleeves stopped at her elbows, a long sleeveless plaid pattern dress over top, and finished it off with a pair of black flat shoes. It was my cousin, Sissy, who had just finished some of the yard work.

"You'd think uncle Drayton would take better care of our places." Sissy lightly laughed out as she wiped her dirtied hands on the fabric of her dress. Some light beads of sweat were rolling down the side of her face along with her exposed arms - the Texas heat catching up with her as she had been working in it the last couple of hours. Sissy looked between Nubbins and I - her smile flattening as she looked at our timid expressions. Sissy finally spoke up - breaking the awkward tension; "What's wrong with you two?"

"N-n-nothing!" Nubbins stuttered out quickly. Sissy's eyes roamed all over Nubbins before back to me, knowing that he was lying and I would be the one to tell the truth between the both of us. Like I mentioned, Sissy and I have always been very close. When mama or Drayton were being mean to us, we'd run to each other for comfort. She's a very outdoors person so we'd often spend time climbing trees, going down to the river to skip rocks, or her bitchin' at me that I had just killed an innocent rabbit. She'd also dress me up in Harold's old clothes - making me have some type of fashion show for her. Sissy would also have us play house or drag me to play with her dolls. She enjoyed it until the time I scared her by making my male doll kill her sweet innocent girly one. She got scared and then angry - refusing to play with me ever again. Which was fine with mama - claiming it was weird to play with dolls or more girly things in general. Honestly, I didn't care. I just enjoyed having an actual person my age to play, talk, and hang out with. Sure, there's Nubbins and even Robert. But Nubbins would constantly tease me or want to do his own thing - such as inventing new ways to trap animals. I didn't care much about trappin', just killin' and providin'. Sure, I bet being sneaky and stealthy helps. But I'd rather just get the job done and move onto the next thing I need to take care of. Robert, on the other hand, would often hang out with Hands or go hang out with our other extended family members. Robert often expresses how when he's older, he's thinkin' about serving our country.

"Nubbins thought I was kiddin' when I said mama birthed me - also wonderin' why I call her mama for some reason. Can you believe that shit?! Who the hell asks idiotic questions like that?" I informed Sissy with a chuckle before looking down at the right lung in the exposed chest. I began to gently saw at the other side, my focus trying to go back to the bigger task at hand. I'm sure Nubbins meant nothing of it. Probably his off-the-rocker mind makin' him say shit without any true meaning.

Well, so I hoped and thought.

It was silent - a little too silent. I stopped sawing into the branch of the lung before looking up at the pair. Nubbins still looked nervous - except more than before. Honestly, the guy looked like he wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. Sissy was glaring at Nubbins before her gaze softened and looked down at the bloody metal floor beneath our feet. They both had a look of worry and guilt written across their faces. I glanced between the pair again as realization began to sink in. Nubbins wasn't joking, was he? I placed the hand saw down as I turned my full attention to the two younger individuals. Sissy slowly raised her head as her guilt coated eyes gazed into mine.

"Sissy... what the hell is he goin' on about?" I decided to finally ask. Sissy took a step back as she nervously wiped her hands on her dress again, trying to smooth out the fabric as she tried to keep her composure. The younger blonde, just roughly thirteen years of age, avoided my gaze. I lowered my head and slightly moved it, trying to catch it once again. Sissy looked back into my eyes as tears began to whelm in her eyes.

She broke the silence with a whisper, "We weren't allowed to say anything."

"The fuck you mean?!" My voice raised slightly. Nubbins remained silent as he began to rub the back of his neck, his arms, and his hands in a desperate attempt to self-soothe himself. I've seen him get in trouble many times over the years - feeling guilty and cowering in fear from mama or Drayton. But none of those times were compared to this moment. He looked like someone just revealed that his favorite pet died by getting hit by a huge semi-truck.

"I-I d-d-didn't mean-"

"SHUT IT!" I yelled in Nubbins' direction, pointing my finger at him. I looked back to Sissy as my anger was building and patience was running thin. I walked over to Sissy who cowered under me slightly, her eyes avoiding my gaze, as I jabbed my finger into the center of her chest. I questioned her further, "You better start spillin' what the fuck you know before I force it out the both of you."

Sissy took another step back as she gazed up at me. She looked genuinely scared and hurt. Why the fuck is she hurt?! If what they're saying is true, they have nothing to be hurt about. I leaned against the embalming table as Sissy appeared much smaller than me, almost like we were kids again instead of teenagers. She looked similar to the time that she wanted to host a picnic with Nubbins and I so she stole some of Nancy's fine China tea cups. Sissy tried to open the cabinet and didn't use a chair, just standing on her tiptoes. Well, she tripped and knocked into the entire cabinet, shattering most of the expensive porcelain. Let's just say Nancy was not very happy and Sissy couldn't sit down without being in pain for the next few days.

Sissy took a sharp inhale before speaking; "It's true. Nancy didn't birth you." My jaw clenched as I looked down at her, denial still consuming me as I was trying to wonder if she's lying or telling the truth. Sissy looked back in my eyes - her own serious but full of sadness. She continued; "Nobody was allowed to say anything. Nubbins and I overheard her talking to Drayton about it and we both got yelled at to never say anything."

"How long?" I breathed out, "How long have you guys known?"

Sissy hesitated before responding, "Eight years."

I ripped the gloves off my hands and tossed them onto the floor. I used one of my hands to rub over my face, trying to wipe away the truth that was being told to me. I still couldn't believe it. I needed to somehow see this shit for myself. I let out a frustrated sigh as I listened to her. I trusted Sissy the most besides mama - if I could even call her that anymore. So the fact she hid something from me this long hurts. I can understand how intimidating mama and Drayton can be - but I figured out of everyone Sissy would've told me sooner. We knew everything about each other. Besides being my cousin, she was my best friend. The fact she would hide something like this feels like I couldn't trust her. How long was she and the others even planning to hide it for?

I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt betrayed.

Without saying another word, I raised myself off the metal table and began to walk towards the back door that Sissy had come from. Nubbins' eyes widened as he glanced between Sissy and I, noticing how I was walking away from them. Sissy gasped before grabbing my arm, I yanked it out of her grasp as the two began to follow me towards the back loading dock. Nubbins stuttered and stumbled over his own two feet as tears began to run down Sissy's face - calling after me.

"Johnny, wait! Don't do-"

"Don't fuckin' talk or touch me." I spat out at the younger girl. The two continued to follow me as I slammed the back door open. My shoes hit the concrete around me before going down the stairs and onto the ground itself. Drayton was nearby as he was trying to get the lawn mower to work - probably to make Sissy continue cleaning up the yard. The older man looked in my direction before seeing the two behind me. I heard Drayton starting to yell at the three of us - telling us to get back to work - but I didn't listen to him. Why the fuck should I?! He does nothin' but bark orders at me, beat me, and now lie and hide shit from me. I stormed to the back gate and pushed it open. Against the fence was Nubbins', Sissy's, and my own bike. I grabbed mine off the pile before hiking my leg over it and sitting on it. Drayton's angry voice inched closer but I genuinely couldn't hear what he was saying anymore. I was feeling so many different things. It was as if I got tunnel vision and my only pathway was towards my mama's house. I needed to know the full truth. I needed to know that Sissy was telling me the truth and not lying to me more. I needed to know if I could still trust her.

I needed to know who the fuck Nancy Slaughter truly was.

Without considering Drayton's angry demands and Sissy's pleas to come back, I took off on my bike. My house wasn't far from the slaughterhouse or even where Drayton, Nubbins, Robert, Bubba, and Grandpa lived. I rode on the long dirt path and past the millions of flowers that littered behind our wooden and wire fences. Once I got onto the main road, I took a left and continued to go as fast as my legs could take me. I continued to replay the entire interaction between Sissy and Nubbins - the way Nubbins thought he could hurt or joke with me over information he thought I already knew. How he cowered in fear and wouldn't speak - refusing to confess to the meaning of his insulting joke - if you even want to call it a joke at this point. I fought back tears as I kept my jaw clenched - focused on making it to our house. I rode past where Grandpa lived - going past our family's legacy house - before making it to where mama and I lived.

I was welcomed by the several yellow sunflowers as I threw my bike against the fence. My chest heaved slightly due to being out of breath from how fast I was riding the bike - but also due to the anger, adrenaline, and nerves that were actively building inside of me. I unlocked the white fence before walking down the dirt past - taking a right - and starting to walk on the curved brick pathway. Yellow sunflowers accompanied my short lived journey as I walked past the manicured flower beds that mama and Sissy spend a lot of time perfecting. This house was always my home. I'd play hide and seek with Sissy and Nubbins within the tall sunflowers. I would pretend to play house in the shack at the back of the house - opposite of the garden shed. When uncle Hands would drop off one of the dead meat's cars, I would watch and sometimes help him tear it apart for useful scrap parts.

But now this house felt cold - as if ghosts lived and haunted here instead.

I unlocked the front door - not shutting it behind me - before walking into our main hallway. The sound of the clock on the wall filled the dead air. Mama was shopping for groceries as the rest of us tried to focus working at the slaughterhouse and gas station. That meant I had the house alone to myself for however long. Opening a door on the left, I walked down another hallway where our bedrooms were. I went past my own bedroom on the right before going down the end of the hall where a window was. On the right, next to my room, was our shared bathroom while on the left was mama's bedroom. Mama's room - a place I was never allowed in. I thought it was because it's her own personal getaway and safe space where she didn't want to be bothered. Not to mention the time Sissy raided all her dresses, cut them all up, and made a huge mess - resulting in her ass getting beaten. Damn, Sissy sure does like to get into some trouble. But I always respected my mama's privacy despite her not respecting mine at times. Now I'm starting to think she just had shit she wanted to hide. Actually, I don't even think at this point; I think I know.

I entered the room hesitantly as I've never stepped foot in here unless it's the doorframe. The room normally felt warm and inviting - like an older grandma's bedroom. The warmth was slowly dying along with my trust in her. My shoes scuffled across the wooden floor as I walked into the center of the room. Where do I even begin? Mama was smart and sneaky - I knew that for sure already. So where would she hide shit? Did she even have stuff to hide? Maybe it's a mistake to come in here and try to find any sort of answers. I started to search the dresser beside mama's bed, seeing nothing but clothes in there. Yuck, my fingers brushed against her undergarments. I quickly closed the drawers before going to a smaller one in front of the window. Nothing was inside of it except heavier sweaters folded up along with outdoor and evening gloves. Nothin' to see here. At the foot of mama's bed was a wooden trunk. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. I opened it and just saw some extra blankets and a few of her winter coats. Damn it, where the fuck could she be hiding shit?!

Maybe her vanity?

I turned directly around to see the little wooden vanity against the pink wallpaper. On the wooden surface was her little straw sun hat with a black ribbon wrapped around it, her personal jewelry and makeup, and an old jewelry music box. The small wooden box had an engraved top - where it looked like a mama bear holding her little cub. Supposedly, one of her church buddies gave it to her shortly after she gave birth to me. Now I'm wonderin' the truth in that too. This little music box used to be in my room when I was much younger. Mama would open the music box after twisting the winding key on the bottom - having the little tune sing through the air until I fell asleep from it along with mama singing along.

I picked the little box up and tilted it back, twisting the same little key. Sure enough, the same tune started to play as it did all those years ago. It was in a higher pitch and sounded like a little nursery rhyme - because it was. It was from that one animated movie with the circus elephant - the one that got bullied because of his big ears. Mama used to take me to the cinema when they'd replay it. Not to mention she also had the movie's soundtrack on a record - playing it sometimes instead of her own music. I still remembered the lyrics that she would sing me to sleep;

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart.
Never to part, baby of mine.

I smiled softly at the memory before placing the music box back down on the wooden vanity. But when I did, I heard something rattle. I couldn't decipher what it was at first. I've picked up, held, and put down this singing jewelry box several times - not once has it ever made a sound besides the little melody tune. Not even the loose screws inside would make the sound I just heard. My brows knitted together as I picked it back up again - the melody still filling the air. In the back of my head, the lyrics continued to be sung in mama's voice.

Little one when you play,
Don't you mind what you say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine.
Never a tear, baby of mine.

I poured the jewelry out and onto the table. Nothing but old rings - mainly from her past marriages - along with a couple of necklaces and earrings. Hell, even the beaded necklace I made her for mother's day a few years back. But my focus wasn't on my old gift or other personal belongings she had. It was still on the sound I wasn't familiar with. I gently shook the box - hearing the rattling a bit louder. But I felt something move on the bottom of the box where the winding key was. Something was inside and loose. It wasn't the gears or anything as the box was still singing perfectly without any malfunctions. It was something foreign - something that wasn't always inside.

Something she was hiding.

I flipped the wooden box upside down - seeing the winding gear and the four screws in each corner. However, the screws seemed a bit loose and the bottom panel seemed a bit scuffed around the edges. This box had been clearly opened before. My brows knitted together in confusion and curiosity. What the fuck is she hiding in this?! I searched around on the vanity until I found one of her nail files with a sharpened point. I applied pressure from the tip of the tile to the screws, beginning to undo the box. It was a bit hard to do but with some determination I was able to get each of the tiny pieces of steel out of the wooden box.

If they knew sweet little you,
They'd end up loving you too.
All those same people who scold you,
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you.
From your head to your toes,
You're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
Cute as can be, baby of mine.

When the music box finished singing its melody, I gently took the panel off the bottom. I saw the gears inside along with springs and the little metal notes it was required to play. But what stuck out like a sore thumb was a long silver key. I gently picked it up - not knowing where it could belong. I walked towards mama's wooden wardrobe before looking around the room. None of her dressers had a locked section. The wooden wardrobe behind me could be opened simply by the doors. There was another little section where mama had her wigs and hats too. But none of it seemed locked up - everything was on display. Maybe it was somewhere else? No, because every place I can think of is unlocked - such as the China cabinet. Maybe the truck up front? No, because the glove box was the type where you pull a lever and it opens automatically.

I threw my head back in frustration and closed my eyes before taking in a shaky inhale. Maybe it's at one of our other properties? But if so, wouldn't that risk someone finding whatever she's hiding? Shit, I don't fuckin' know! When I was little, Drayton always told me I tend to overlook things. My mind is going faster than what I can comprehend or somethin'. He kept telling me I need to stop messin' around and open my eyes before I end up in trouble. Keep my eyes wide open and pay attention to my surroundings.

Open my eyes - keep them open.

With my head still back, I slowly opened my eyes. My body was facing the direction of mama's wigs and hats that were carefully displayed. They were on the other side of a room divider that was near her bed - hidden behind it like her own personal dressing room or secret room. The mannequin heads showing the fake hair styled to perfection with fancy evening hats for every occasion. But it wasn't the different lengths of wigs, variety of hats, or matching accessories on display that caught my attention. No, it was what's above it that did.

Above the preciously clean space was a little door in the ceiling. The door had little hinges on the side where it could open and close with ease as a padlock was added to the other side - keeping it locked shut for any nosy and curious eyes. The door and lock didn't look like it came with the house - as if someone later on added it. Maybe Drayton? Does that mean he also knows what's up here too? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised.

I walked over to the little display of wigs and hats before gently moving them onto the floor. If mama knew I was in here - let alone mess all these up - I would get my ass beat more than Sissy that day with the tea cups or the dresses incident. I placed my knee on the dresser before using all my body weight to gently and slowly stand on the wooden surface. While being crouched, due to being very tall now, I slid the silver key into the dusty padlock. Clearly, she hasn't opened this secret attic area in a long time. I kept twistin' the silver key inside the lock until a little click was heard. Shit, Johnny... are you actually going to do this?! I could always turn back and live the rest of my life without knowing what's up here. Then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe it's nothing but duct work and the inside scaffolding of the old house. Maybe she only locked it up so Sissy, Nubbins, and I wouldn't go and mess some of that shit up.

But that still didn't fully make me understand - let alone convince me - why she had to lock it away.

I slid the lock off before placing both pieces of metal down on the wooden surface below me. I gently pushed the worn out door upwards, the hinges creaking loudly as a little bit of dust fell on me. I squinted and fanned the air - trying to not consume any of it. Fuck, it really has been a while since mama or anyone has been up here. With one final shove, the door fell back against the hinges - opening up to a large wooden dark void above me. I reached up and put my hands on the side of the now opened passageway before pulling myself up into the crawl space. I grunted as my bicep muscles flexed and twitched slightly due to the sudden pull-up I did. But, I powered through it. I shimmied my way through the small passageway before sitting on the edge, just the lower part of my legs dangling out. Fuck, it was dark and dusty up here. I couldn't see jack shit! The only light source was below me and a circular window that I recognized was at the front of the house - right above our livin' room. I slowly stood up - testing to see if the floor could hold me - before slowly reaching into my back pocket.

I loved spending so much time with uncle Hands, even if mama think he could potentially be a bad influence on me. One reason is how he's so strong and violent against his own prey - making sure they're absolutely dead. I once saw him grab a man by his neck, slam him down on the ground, and punch him repeatedly until the guy died. It was so fuckin' cool! I can't wait to start learnin' more from him. But the major issue that mama had with Hands is his smoking and drinking. For the past year, I've been helping Hands out at our gas station and strippin' the old meat's cars for parts. In that time, Hands had given me a few beers and even let me smoke some of his cigars. I don't like the strong taste of his cigars but I started to bum some off of mama when she wouldn't notice - growing a taste for them and the alcohol Hands would give me. She scolded me and tried to threaten by limitin' my time with Hands, but that still hasn't stopped me. I still steal her cigarettes, drink with my uncle, and use what little money I get from helpin' out to fund my new cravings. I even bought myself a cool lighter so I wouldn't have to deal with matches. Smokin' and drinkin' helps take the edge off when Nubbins or Drayton start teasin' or barkin' orders at me. I'd rather get addicted to alcohol and smokin' than ending up beatin' the fuck out of them.

Then again, with Nubbins recent slip up, that wouldn't be too bad.

I pulled out the metal zippo lighter from my back pocket before flipping open the top - letting the tiny flame guide my way. I could still barely see shit, but it was more than before. I began to carefully walk in the cramped attic due to the creaking floorboards that barely supported my weight. Fuck, we should really replace these when we get the chance. The last thing we need is the entire roof collapsing on us. Imagine sleepin' and all the boxes and furniture I see up here just crushes you. Talk about a rude awakening.

I smirked at my thoughts before continuing to walk. I saw many boxes labeled that I was familiar with. Halloween decorations, Christmas, and even Easter. But that wasn't what I was on the hunt for. I kept walking through the attic, shimming past some boxes and furniture that I hadn't seen in a long ass time. Like my old bed from when I was a kid. The wooden frame was starting to deuterate due to dusty air and humidity in the attic. The center of the headboard was a little wooden wheel - giving off a western vibe. I remembered how obsessed I was with cowboys as a kid. I really thought I was gonna be like Jesse James or somethin' you'd see in the pictures - two cowboys dueling it off with their guns. I would pretend to be a bandit with Sissy as my partner-in-crime while Nubbins was the sheriff tryin' to turn us in. We even had our own little nicknames; Sissy's name was The Singing Sun while mine was simply The Bad Man. It would always end with Sissy getting caught and Nubbins cheering in victory - before I wrecked his ego and would tie him up. The last time he got so angry that Drayton and mama banned us from playing due to Nubbins claiming it wasn't fair that we always won against him. I thought it was fuckin' hilarious seeing him so angry, tears running down his face, and snot dripping down his nose due to me being stronger than him. Don't fuck with The Bad Man.

To my left was a small wooden crib which I didn't recognize. Was this even mine? Mama told me she had tried to have children in the past but none of her ex husband's could get her pregnant - saying she always picked the duds. Mama didn't start taking pictures of me until I was a toddler - almost a child. But we could barely afford film so even then, there's only a few images of me as a toddler. Actually... there's none of me as an actual baby. The earliest photo I found that was labeled was when I was three or four years old. My earliest memories was when I had the wooden bed with the wheel headframe that I had seen a little while back. So, where did this crib come from? Maybe I'm overthinking everything. If I am adopted then surely she got me when I was a newborn and just was too caught up to take many pictures.

I could only hope.

To my right was the window that overlooked our front entrance with mama's beautiful sunflowers. The flowers gently swayed with the late spring/early summer breeze that rolled through. I leaned closer, enjoying the breeze that ran through my dark brown hair that mama had recently cut for me. She hates when my hair gets long - calls me a little girl. I don't like super long hair either - like Nubbins whose hair is almost down to his shoulders. But I also don't like the way mama cuts it either. Due to her bad eye, she makes the cuts and shaved parts a little crooked. Hands, Drayton, or even myself a few times had to go back and clean it up.

Underneath the round window was a box with my name written over the top. This had to be it, right? The past she tried to hide from me? I closed the lighter before putting it in my back pocket as the window provided me with enough light to see. In the same back pocket, I slid out a little pocket knife. The rough wooden handle felt small in my hand - the little metal hook digging in slightly into the side of my palm. I've heard Drayton and mama talking about Grandpa wanting me to have his infamous beef skinnin' knife. I don't know if that's true but if so, I'll probably give Nubbins my pocket knife. He's always complaining he doesn't have a weapon of his own so maybe it'll make him shut up. Plus it'll be easier for him to cut rope and wire with something besides his bare teeth - almost like a wild animal. I slid the blade of the pocket knife over the tape that held the box closed. I opened the cardboard flaps up before looking around inside.

On the top was some of my clothes as a toddler and kid - some that I even recognized wearing a few times. That included a few button up shirts, trousers, shorts, and overalls. Shit, I even saw a one-piece outfit that was white and blue. The shorts stopped right above the knee as the shirt was white with a blue collar and sleeves - the design on the front being a cowboy trying to lasso a horse. Like I said, I really wanted to be one growing up. I picked the clothes up and gently placed them on the floor beside me as I dug deeper. On top it was mainly clothes and shoes that I used to wear - but as I got towards the middle - I saw newer items pop up. Such as a brown paper folder that was tied together with a thin piece of twine. I unwrapped the twine before opening the folder - my curiosity deciding to take a hold of me.

At the front of the thick stack of papers, I saw some old documents about mama. Nancy Slaughter, age eighteen at the time, experiencing irregular periods and a condition called endometriosis. I had never heard of that before. Another document said something about having salpingitis - also known as pelvic inflammatory disease. Another condition I didn't know about other than knowing where the pelvis is. But what really got me was the next document that she had hidden. It documented that she had four miscarriages before being diagnosed as infertile. That's a word I actually have heard before. Mama said Harold and her other ex husbands were infertile. As a kid, I believed it, as anyone would believe whatever their parents said. But the last few years, I've been thinking and reflecting a lot. What are the off chances that all three men she had married were infertile? Very weird and inconvenient. I can't lie, for a while I was thinking about some of the stuff she's told me over the years. A lot of it doesn't make sense. But I tried to push it all away - figuring it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

But the next few items are what made me stop pushing those thoughts away.

Underneath the pile of Nancy's medical records - I saw a few newspaper clipping. One was about a young woman named Judith Cosgrove. She was around twenty-three and was reported missing around the time I was three years old. My eyes examined over her features on the black and white printed portrait. She had long and straight dark hair, what I assumed were brown eyes, along with a soft and warm smile. I felt my blood ran cold as I stared into her eyes. I don't know if I was just assumin' things but it felt like we had similar eye shapes. Maybe it's just my brain playin' tricks on me. Actually, no, it wasn't. Behind the newspaper clipping was another about a little boy - around three years old - who happened to go missing on the same day too. My blood ran cold as I stared at the portrait of the child. He had short dark hair, a cute button nose, wide toothy smile, and dark brown eyes that were the exact same shape of Judith's.

The name read Jonathan "Johnny" Cosgrove.

I put both missing persons posters side by side - my eyes examining the features of both individuals. Sure enough, they had the exact same eye shape and even rounded button nose. By now my hands trembled while my stomach turned due to the cocktail of emotions that mixed inside of me. Anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. My entire life I had believed Nancy birthed me and my biological father was some random man that she slept with and maybe killed for whatever reason. I believed her when she said Harold and her other ex husbands couldn't produce children or maybe didn't even want to. But that entire time, that entire fuckin' time, I was lied to. Nancy was the one who couldn't produce children - not those men. Instead of birthing or properly adopting me, she kidnapped and killed my biological mother and lied to me about it. But it wasn't just her who did this to me. It was Nubbins. It was Drayton. It was Hands. It was fucking Sissy - who besides mama - I was the closest to. Someone who I would tell everyone to, as she would do the same, did this to me. All the fuckin' times I went to her crying, being vulnerable since she was the only one who wouldn't judge, and this entire time she fuckin' knew. She knew that mama lied about having me. She knew that I was kidnapped and my biological mother was murdered.

Fuck... did we eat her too?!

I sat the folder of papers down before going through the box. I found a few photos of Judith - even her and I when I was an actual baby. It was the first time I saw myself below the age of three. But what stuck out like a sore thumb was a photo of Nancy and I. On the back of the photo, it was labeled a few months after Judith and I were reported missing. Nancy had a huge eyepatch over her now blinded eye while she held me close while planting a kiss on my cheek as I sat on her lap. The large toothy grin I had with Judith was long gone. The little sparkle in my brown eyes had faded to numbness. Instead, my eyes looked tired and dead inside as I wore a monotone expression on my face. I looked so numb and traumatized; there was no life left behind my once full-of-life eyes.

Jonathan Cosgrove died the day with Judith Cosgrove - the once happy and innocent boy's life dying with his mother. I was then immediately reborn into Johnny Slaughter - a stone cold, traumatized, and eventual heartless killer.

Underneath the photos and other hidden items of my early childhood, was a green and white spotted dress. The sleeves - that were flowy - stopped right above the elbow and the dress itself stopped above the knee. The neck of the dress had a deep v-like cut - showing off the chest of whomever wore it. But I didn't need to find out who wore it; I already knew who did. When I read Judith's missing persons poster, it described this exact dress. She was also wearing a pair of black low rise heels with a buckle on the side. I couldn't find the pair of shoes in the box - assuming she must've lost them somehow or maybe was buried with them. Well, I can only hope she was buried. I unfolded the wrinkled dress and held it in front of me. The woman - who was apparently my real mother - was very small and a little thin. I assumed I got my height from my biological father - whoever and whatever he looked like. It seemed like Nancy only had stuff from Judith and not him. The dress was ripped in a few areas, mainly the stomach and chest area. Old and dried blood covered a large portion of it along with some dirt. I don't want to even imagine what Nancy did to her. It made my stomach turn more as I felt a lump forming in my throat. I honestly wanted to vomit and cry at the site.

What did she do to deserve this? Did she trespass? Was she a threat of any kind?! I doubt she was, I was clearly with her when she got murdered. I doubt she'd do anything evil in front of her child. Then again, Nancy didn't hesitate to kill her and probably in front of me. Actually, did I even witness it? Is that why I don't remember anything before the age of six? Some kids can remember things from when they were three or four - but not me. It's all locked away and hidden like a vault.

From the little circular window, I saw mama drive up in her old white pickup truck. I quickly put everything back into the box, folded it closed, and made my way back to the square opening. I gently lowered myself down - not bothering to shut and relock the little door that led up to the hidden attic space. Shit, I didn't even put her wigs and hat back on the dresser either. I had so many emotions and thoughts running through my head that I couldn't even think straight. Part of me felt like I was observing the situation instead of living it. It felt as if I wasn't even myself, rather someone else eavesdropping through my own eyes. I was not myself - not my own body. My imagination was picturing a million different scenarios that could've happened to Judith. Her accidentally stumbling onto our property, finding out what we secretly do, and getting killed in the process. Maybe mama and Drayton didn't have the heart to kill me - so they spared me and raised me into this dysfunctional family. I don't know. What I did know was my entire life had been an entire lie up until this point. I didn't know what was the truth nor who to trust.

"Johnny?!" Nancy called from the front door, "Johnny are you home?"

I didn't say anything as I left her bedroom and walked down the hall. I couldn't even control my movements as my feet moved by themselves. My worn out shoes shuffled closer to Nancy who was carrying two brown paper bags of groceries. She shut the door with her foot before turning her head and looking back at me. Nancy did a double take as she saw the state I was in. I had the same look in my eyes like the old photo that was taken with her - numb and dead inside. I normally always greeted her with a large smile and hug - even helping her carry in the groceries or anything else she needed. But this time I didn't. She doesn't deserve that respect and luxury anymore.

"Whose Judith?" I asked softly. You could cut the tension with a knife. Nancy's eyes blinked rapidly as she processed the question. She then let out a nervous but breathless laugh, shaking her head at my question.

"I don't understan-"

I cut her off, "Judith Cosgrove, was she my mother?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Nancy asked back - avoiding my question. My brows knitted together as I noticed. I examined her body language too. How she was forcing an innocent smile despite her good eye twitching - probably panicking or getting irritated with me. Most likely both. I took a step towards her as she stood her ground - looking up at me. I was only a few inches taller than her but she was somehow making me feel smaller than what I truly was.

"Nubbins told me you weren't my real mama. Sissy also confirmed it too and said nobody was allowed to say anything to me." I confessed before continuing, "So I went to your room and up the attic-"

"You went into the attic?!" Nancy's eyes widened as she examined me up and down. I obviously now know why I wasn't allowed in her room. It wasn't because it was her intimate and safe space; it was because of the skeletons she was hiding in the closet - or rather the attic. It was never about wanting to protect her space or maybe her valuables - scared Sissy or someone would break or steal something. It was because she was hiding my true identity from me. How long was she planning to hide this from me? My entire life?! What if Nubbins didn't slip up; would I go the rest of my entire life not noticing? Do you mean to tell me, all the times I looked in the mirror because Nubbins and Drayton taunted me about looking nothing like our family, it was because they were speaking the truth? Does she even know about all the times I stayed awake - staring at myself in the mirror and trying to see some similarities between us? How I would try to desperately look for my own features within hers or even our other relatives? All those times I thought I was crazy. But I wasn't crazy, I was lied to.

"Yeah, saw some pretty interestin' shit up there." I responded to her, my voice coated in some venom as my emotions were growing more and more hard to cover up.

"You shouldn't have gone up there! I told you to stay out of-"

"Your room. Your secret room. The attic where you hid your imperfect life." I cut her off as my nails began to dig into the palms of my hands, "Who the fuck was Judith? What did you do to her, mama? Or should I even call you that?!"

"Where the hell is this attitude coming from?!" Nancy raised her voice at me as her glare intensified, "I am your mother, Johnny!"

"NO, YOU'RE NOT!" I finally yelled at her - causing her to flinch slightly. I had never raised my voice at her - not without immediately apologizing that is. I've had some anger as a kid but thought it was just from Nubbins constantly taunting and teasing me. But now I think it was more than that. I think it was repressed emotions and trauma. I love Nancy, I truly and deeply do despite everything. But a part of me always felt weird around her. I thought it was because she's cold when I wanted to be a very expressive child - until she started to convince me to turn cold like her. But something would feel odd from time to time - as if I didn't actually belong in the family. But I thought it was my own insecurities and Nubbins' taunts getting to me. Turns out, my gut was right.

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME!" Nancy shouted back and jabbed her finger into my chest. I slapped her hand away as tears started to form in my eyes.

"THEN ANSWER ME!" I yelled louder than before, "CAN YOU AT LEAST DO THAT FOR ME?! WHO WAS JUDITH? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?! WHY DID YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME?!"

Nancy's teeth grinded together before she exposed them to me - an angry growl escaping from the back of her throat. For the first time in years, she was being confronted by her past. Her bared teeth slowly turned into a sinister smile as glare went deep into my soul - as if I was one of our trapped meat's in the basement that had pissed her off by fighting back. She was looking at me with so much anger - so much hatred - as if I was becoming one of them. Probably the same way she did with my actual mother.

"You want to know who the fuck she was?!" Nancy snapped as an angered laugh rolled off her tongue, "She was a stuck up bitch who rubbed it in my face that she could have children and I couldn't. I made that bitch my friend before luring her back here. I'll hand it to her, though. Fucking dumb ass bitch thought she could escape too - put up a nice fight and fuckin' got me in the eye. But I saw how you were the perfect little boy and I needed you. I have always wanted a child just like you. It's just a shame I had to get rid of the biggest threat that was linked to you."

I shook my head as the welled up tears began to roll down my face, "What did you do to her?!"

"I killed that bitch." Nancy gave a nonchalant shrug with a sinister smirk, "Is that what you wanted to hear? We cut her up real nice and made her into a nice stew."

That's when I broke. My anger was at it's tipping point and I could no longer control myself. I lunged at the older woman as my hands wrapped around her throat. Nancy's eyes widened as she stumbled back - her body hitting the dirty mint green wall behind her. I gritted my teeth as my grip tightened around her throat - causing her to gasp out in air as her face was turning a shade of red. Tears began to swell up in her own eyes too. I was so angry that I couldn't even process what I was doing. I just knew I had my entire life ripped away from me without my consent or even knowledge. How does she not have any remorse?! Actually, how did this family not have any remorse for me or other victims? I know they're so used to this lifestyle - thanks to Grandpa. But how is it fair? How is it fair that I could've had a normal life with an actual normal - non killing family - who loved me but didn't? I could've had friends, gone to school, picked up regular hobbies and interests, and maybe even have a normal relationship. I've already come to terms that I'll never be able to get married - at least not to someone who is willingly okay with this lifestyle. No actual sane person would.

"J-J-John..." She choked out - causing me to snap back to the present.

My eyes widened as my grip loosened on her throat. Fuck, what was I doing?! I didn't want to be like her. I couldn't - that's what she has raised me to be. However, it's all I know. It's how we provide for our family too. I enjoy it but hate that I do. Despite not killing any of the real meat yet, I still have hunted rabbits and squirrels. It's fun. Just to sneak around and hunt them before striking - seeing the life fade from their eyes. It's such an adrenaline rush and stress relief too. Besides cigarettes and alcohol, I hate to admit that I'm addicted to it. But if I continued to choke Nancy, most likely killing her, then I am no better than her. Yes, I'd be avenging Judith. But she's long gone. Roughly eleven years past gone. I hate to also admit it, but Nancy has been the only motherly type of figure that I've had despite not fully knowing the dark truth that she had locked away.

"Ma-" I was cut off by a sharp pain in the side of my face.

Next to the front door was a wooden dresser with a couple drawers - right above it was a random painting Nancy had hung up years prior. On top of the table were a few potted plants, newspapers, and a few gardening tools that she planned to use for the potted plants. Mama loved her front outdoor garden more than anything - always planting or growing a new flower. It also gives her time to bond with Sissy who would love helping attend them. Her and I used to play hide and seek in the sunflowers at the front - and at the family house - all the time.

Nancy had grabbed one of the gardening tools - a tiny hand pick - and struck it deep into my forehead. She slowly dragged it down to my eyebrow before it continued to slide down onto my cheek - right below my eye. She turned the pick slightly and continued to drag - causing two separate lines to form the back two blade-like pieces of steel. She pulled the pick out of my face - blood gushing and dripping off the tool and onto herself. I didn't even process it at first. Maybe it was the anger, adrenaline, and now shock of the entire situation. It wasn't until I felt the warm liquid run down the rest of my face, neck, and onto my shirt that I began to realize what she did. She struck me. She caused a deep gash into the left side of my face - the same side where her blinded eye that Judith caused. Tears began to roll down my face harder from not only the physical pain - but the emotional pain that she has caused me. How could she do all this to me?! Lie to me about who I truly was, where I came from, and now physically hurting me this way? Yes, I did try to strangle her. But I stopped - realizing and rethinking what I was doing.

"Looks like you do have one of my features after all." Nancy laughed at me before pointing to the chunk of skin coming off my face. Her own anger and selfishness had blinded her completely of what she had just done to me. The blood began to pour harder as the entire side of my face, my neck, chest, and left shoulder was coated in it. I raised my hand up to my face - my hands trembling as I touched the warm, wet, and slightly sticky liquid coming out of me. I pulled my hand back - examining the blood that now coated my entire hand. My vision blurred slightly due to the amount of blood, queasiness I felt, and the blood now entering my left eye.

I turned on my heel and opened the front door of the house. I ran into the front garden - leaving a large trail of blood behind me. I went to the left side of the front garden, hopping over the white fence that surrounded the front of our property. Our house was next to where Grandpa, Drayton, Nubbins, Robert, and Bubba lived. But between both properties was a little field. I kept running and running - not really sure where I was going. My legs started to feel like Jell-O before they finally gave out from underneath me. I fell onto my knees, surrounded in an open field accompanied by some wild flowers and trees - a tiny patch of sunflowers behind me. The once sunny sky was now a shade of dark gray as rain began to mix in with my tears. My entire shirt and jeans were now coated in my own blood - along with my dark brown hair that now clung to my face due to the rain and blood. I raised both hands up to my face as I sobbed harder than before.

It has been a few years since I've cried this hard. Once the tears started, they just didn't stop. My entire body shook along with the thunder that rolled through the sky. The storm inside of me was rolling out - my voice screaming and breaking like the lightning strikes. My tears mixing with the rain that tried to wash the blood and pain away. The agonizing pain that Nancy had caused me was finally settling in. I pulled at the flowers and grass below me - wanting to take my anger and sadness out on something physical. But it wasn't enough. Several years of being lied to couldn't be automatically fixed with just a simple apology, breakdown, or taking my frustration out on the ground below me. It was deep rooted - like a strong and ancient tree that just won't shrivel up and die. It was wedged deep into the earth - or in this case - my tormented soul. It was something I'd never out run - it would chase and haunt me forever. In that moment, my entire world had crumbled down around me. But at the same time, the walls that once protected me had rebuilt themselves.

I refused to have them crumble again - not wanting to trust anyone anymore.