Break Free
Yesterday is history, today is a gift, that's why we call it 'The Present,' tomorrow when it comes is ours to make of it what we will
This little project turned out to be a lot more challenging than expected, but amidst all the challenges over the past three years this story has been in existence, I have enjoyed the task of having to come up with 154 different ways of presenting my Glee ship.
Yesterday (Mercedes' POV)
"We've been here before" Sam sat up looking at me "This happened over a week ago, why are you bringing this up again now?"
"Because I've just seen a message on your damn phone from her" I hissed back "So tell me again how this thing went down, because she doesn't seem to have got the memo you said you left that day, not according to that message anyway"
I watched him pick his phone up to look at the message "It says the photo shoot was a success, and they'll be using more photos, I went for a shoot, how's this personal?"
"I didn't expect her to contact again" I knew I was being needy, but I couldn't stop myself
"Think about it" he looked at me, I could see the hurt in his eyes "If I knew I was going to have private messages from the woman, would I leave my phone around for you to see them?"
"You haven't answered my question"
"There was a photo shoot, I felt intimidated by one of the photographers, she told everyone to leave and then came on to me" he spat out the main points, I knew them by heart, but something inside me couldn't get past it "Next thing I knew her hands were all over my chest and she was pushing me back"
"And you didn't think to call the police?"
"No" he grabbed my hands, at this point I think we both knew I was being ridiculous "Then she... listen" he tugged at my hands to make me understand "She kissed me"
"What do you mean she kissed you?" I shoved his hands off me, he was making sense, but my feelings weren't "Last time you said you kissed her back, which one is it, Sam?"
"She kissed me, and I didn't stop it straight away" he snapped "Remind me why are we going through all this again?"
"Because she's leaving you messages on your phone, and I don't like it"
"I'll call her now and tell her to stop messaging me about work" he picked his phone up
"Do what you want, but I can't trust you; I can't live feeling like this for three years Sam, I'll go mad; I can't ask you to wait for me" I got up shaking my head at him "We're in the same city and this happens, I can't see us lasting the distance"
"Cold feet?" he rolled his eyes
"You're not hearing me, this can't work, Sam"
"We know it's going to be hard, but I love you and you love me and that's all we need to know"
"That's all you know and then you get yourself in a situation like this" I huffed, my mind just kept going back to that moment he walked in the door and broke my heart "This feels horrible, I can't do this"
"I had no control over what she did" he spat; fed up with repeating himself
"You had control Sam, you could have said no, you could have walked out, you compromised us"
"I didn't mean to; it took me a hot second to realise what was happening and then I was out of there"
"After you'd kissed her, next time it might not be just a kiss"
"Come on Mercedes, one bump in six months counts for something doesn't it?"
"There shouldn't be any bumps Sam" I shouted "You know how I am"
"Yeah, in your world everyone's perfect; aren't they?" he snapped
"No" I shouted back, slapping myself back on the couch, upset he didn't get it "In our world I thought we were perfect"
"We are" he sat down and grabbed my hands again "Mercedes" he took a breath "It was a kiss, that I didn't ask for, that I didn't give back, that meant nothing"
"What did you think was going to happen when you told me?"
"That I was being honest, that you'd feel secure in me being honest, and we'd move on"
"Until the next time?"
"What if I promise there won't be a next time?"
"You can't do that babe" I sighed, I wished he knew how much I hoped that was true "I take that back; I can't do that to you, this isn't fair, I'm insecure, and that proves to me this isn't our time, and that's not to say it never will be, it's just not now"
"I refuse to believe that"
"It kills me to do this..."
"Then don't Mercedes, please don't do this" he held me with his eyes "Please"
"Sorry Sam, but we can't..."
"Don't" he snapped "If you say it, you can't take it back, I won't let you take it back"
"I believe in what we have babe"
"Then don't say it"
"Babe, we can't be a couple" I pulled away and got up "Not right now, it's not our time"
"It will never be our time" he got up, looked at me for a long while before walking away, he'd never looked at me like that before, he meant it
"Babe" I got up and called after him, because things couldn't end like this, not after five years "Sam" I caught up with him and grabbed hold of his jacket "Please don't leave things like this"
"You left things like this Mercedes, this is what you want isn't it, for me to get on with my so-called life, I'm getting on, and if we should ever meet again, please don't let me know you're ready because I won't be" he walked out the house and slammed the door.
"Shit" I stood angry, that hadn't gone anything like I'd imagined, I thought I was being kind letting him go to be who he wanted to be, but the way he'd left me feeling wasn't free at all. "Shit" I hissed again at my phone ringing, I wanted to cry, but I answered "Kurt" I tried to sound happy "Was that tonight?" I rolled my eyes at the prospect of being in a room with an angry Sam, anything could happen "I'll be there in an hour" I told him closing the call.
I'd chosen the worst day for this, Rachel had set up a farewell evening, we were all leaving New York; Sam's picture had appeared on the side of the buses, he was in demand elsewhere, Rachel had bagged a lead role in a sitcom, Kurt and Blaine were going on tour with June Dolloway a massive boost to their career, Artie was off to do a work placement for six months following his successful piece at film school, Brittany was following Santana to other parts of the world pursuing her dancing, and I was going back to Los Angeles to finish my new album. I couldn't drop out because tonight was the last night we were all going to be in the same space, was I even in the mood for all that, plus Sam, time would tell.
As I'd predicted the remarks started almost as soon as I walked into the apartment "Surprised you made time" he whispered in my ear
"Sam" he knew my tone was begging him to behave
"Don't Sam me, you caused this" he hissed back
"I didn't say never, just not now" I reminded him "You've got to admit we're going in two different directions right now"
"And forever, you give up on us, there's no going back"
"I've made up my mind Sam, not now"
"So, I've made my mind up too?" he made sure our eyes met, "Never" he grabbed a plate of something off the side and walked towards the others "I'd like to do the first song of the evening" he announced, I stood at the kitchen counter watching him grab his guitar "This one's called fuck you too, I guess it's dedicated to someone who didn't believe in me, in us" everyone looked at me
"What's happened?" Kurt mouthed at me
"Nothing" I shook my head making light as I looked at Sam "Do you have to do this now?" I asked, daring him
"I don't remember you giving me any heads up when you sung me a fuck off song" he hissed back everyone sat in silence passing looks as he strummed the guitar, we all knew the song, but he wasn't singing it, but I was hearing it, I couldn't help bursting into tears
I saw a frown on his face as he tried to make out if I was angry, or crying, with regret in his eyes. I understood he was hurt; I was too, we'd built all our dreams on us being together and now I was changing the game.
"Shit" I heard him gasped as I walked off unable to hide myself crying
"Mercedes" he abandoned the guitar and came after me "Mercedes, I'm sorry, I went too far"
"That was cruel" I snapped at him
"I'm sorry, it's just, you hurt me, and I wanted to hurt you back, I didn't think it through"
"Neither of us did" my head fell onto his chest "It's not you Sam, it's me, all this with that woman threw me, I don't want to be that girl, asking questions and accusing every time a woman speaks to you, it's not me, and it's not healthy" I looked up at him "And before you say you're alright with me asking questions, I'm not"
"So, what are we going to do?"
"I love you Sam, you know I do, but we're going to break up, don't live your life as if I'm coming back, we don't know what's around the corner"
"I can't believe I'm saying this again" he laughed at himself "No matter what..."
"I'd rather be doing it with you too" I stopped him talking "This is going to kill me, but we have to break free"
"You're my best friend" he hugged me as tears rolled down our faces
"God, you're my best everything" I lifted my head to look at him "I love you so much"
"God" his breath left his body "I love you always"
"Okay" I finally pulled away from him "How about no matter what we stay friends"
"At the very least" he hugged me again "I'm sorry for making you cry; can we sing what we planned?"
"Sure" I smiled up at my Sam, he was back
"Everyone sang something, and everyone meant every word, finally it was our last song
Sam (with Mercedes): Lately, I have tears clouding up my eyes, comes out of nowhere, middle of a conversation
Rain pouring out of clear skies I'm underwater
Wonder if it's all because of you, are you close to giving up, somehow, it's all because of you, it's funny when it comes to us, oh
Whenever you're cold, I'm shivering, whenever you're stoned, I'm hovering
It's like, whenever you're gone, I'm losing it, like, baby, I go where you go... 'Where You Go' by Kiana Lede & Khalid
Over the next three emotional days, everyone went their separate ways
Today
That was ten years ago, because just ten weeks after that day, Sam and Mercedes decided life was for living, within six months they got married it was an intimate wedding at a secluded venue; family and close friends only, as Rachel sang a romantic rendition of 'Love is The Way' by Lisa Lambe. Just over ten months later they welcomed their twins into the world, and still afforded the lives they'd always dreamed of, proving it was possible to have everything you ever wanted.
Sam quickly threw away the modelling idea when Mercedes got pregnant, and went into the world of acting, where he'd always felt comfortable, later when they settled in LA, he went back to music and was doing better than good making a name for himself.
Mercedes went on to do bigger things too, after the children settled, she carried on with music but added acting, on stage and film and even ended up in some reality shows, she'd even managed a few lead roles in some before her second album went out, and as you'd guess that blew up overnight.
Tonight, was special, Sam was going to the CMA Awards, he'd been nominated twice for best supporting artist on a collaborative album, and his new single had nearly 120 million hits on all media platforms, everyone who could be there to see him win was there, except of course Mercedes. Mercedes was on the last night of her six-week Energy tour, which was why she couldn't be there for Sam on his big night, it really wasn't just about him though, all the old crew were meeting up after nearly five years, so she'd have loved to be there.
Mercy
"Are you alright?" Bree stood looking at Mercedes' reflection in the mirror "Should I get your make up topped up?"
"I'm tired, same old, it's been a rough few weeks, I miss my family"
"It has that" Bree smiled at her rubbing her shoulders "Last night then we can all see our families, and sleep in our own beds for a while"
"I've forgotten what that feels like" Mercedes smiled at her
"Those cupcakes look delicious"
"They are" she smiled "Let's do this" she got up to give her last pep talk of the tour, wobbling a bit.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Bree asked again catching her to stop the fall
"I just need some rest" she smiled, taking a deep breath before going to perform
Sam
After drinks at home, Sam, along with Blaine, Kurt, Tina and Artie jumped in the limo to make his way to the venue, excited but nervous, he could taste the win, but nothing was certain until his name came out the bag "Did you speak to Mercedes today?" Blaine asked him
"She sent cupcakes that's our thing" he smiled to himself at their private celebration, wherever they were in the world "She's on stage, it's her last night on tour, I know she'd rather be here seeing you guys if she could"
"I love her new song" Tina grinned
"She is killing it" Sam laughed
"So are you my man" Blaine tapped his shoulder
"Brittany and Santana send their love" Kurt told him looking at his phone "Everyone's rooting for you"
"Let's do this" Sam opened the car door as it came to a stop, they piled out as the crowd got louder "Let the games begin" he widened his eyes at Kurt before they all walked in, stopping for random photos on the way. No doubt he was up against some big names, he went in and stood still for a few seconds looking around the room taking it all in. His phone pinged, it seemed so loud against the noise he'd walked into, he looked down at it, clenched tight in his fisted hand "Go get it, cupcakes are waiting" he read, smiling at her knowing how to calm his nerves "Okay" he grinned ready for the night.
The night went in his favour, the table was bursting with champagne, the party was on its way home "Who's phone is that?" Kurt asked, he was probably the most sober of them all "Is it yours?" he looked at Tina
"No" she looked around her "Its Sam's"
"My phone?" Sam looked shocked "Can't be Mercedes, she's still on stage" he searched himself for his phone "Unknown number" he looked at Blaine blank "Hello" he replied wearily "Yep" he responded to the person knowing his name "Yes" he stopped walking and quickly sobered up "What happened?" he looked at Kurt worried "Where is she?"
"What's happened?" Kurt asked while Sam stood taking information
"I'll be there as soon as I can" he closed the call and looked at Kurt "Mercedes collapsed" something stood still in him for a minute, he needed to hear what he was saying
"Is she alright?" Kurt shook his head "You don't know"
"I've got to go; she's got the plane I need to grab a flight"
It was already one in the morning, everyone was going their own way in five hours, as planned they spent the rest of the time at Sam and Mercedes' home trying to keep Sam calm. There was no partying, everyone was trying to find out what was happening with Mercedes, Sam was no good to himself, the only thing he'd done was order the nanny to get the children ready for the flight, and when it was time, they were off.
Tomorrow (Sam's POV)
The night had gone slow, and it felt like I'd been travelling for nearly four hours in hell, my brain imagining so many things, all of them coming back to how I was going to live without her, I kept it together because the children were sitting with me. I made the phone call as soon as I came off the plane to get an update, worried I was about to hear the worst news ever. The doctors had been doing tests all night and were still no closer to what had caused the collapse. Whatever had happened, as far as I was concerned, she'd finished the damn tour, it was about time I put my foot down, Bree; one of her backing singers, had told me she wasn't looking well before she went on stage, so of course Toni; her manager, had quickly got the full force of my disappointment.
The journey to the hospital was torturous, eventually the car stopped outside the hospital, we were greeted by a barrage of fans setting vigil for Mercedes, the scene made my chest hurt, but I smiled and thanked them for their wishes and prayers. I was there with the children, so there was a simple wave, and we were in the doors and asking for directions. The walk down the long echoing corridors only gave me more time to think the worst, I slowed as her door got closer "Will you wait with the children please?" I asked the nanny before I stopping to take a deep breath, pulled myself together and pushed the door open "Babe" the breath left my body quickly at the sight of her laying there "What's happening?" I snapped at the nurse, angry at not being able to do anything for my wife.
"Mr Evans?" she asked her tone calming me
"Yes"
"The doctor will be in shortly" she hurried off, minutes later she was back with a doctor in tow
"Mr Evans" he held his hand out for me to shake, I took it only because I wanted him close enough to punch if he said the wrong thing
"What's happening with my wife?" I looked at her bracing myself
"We've done all the tests, ruled out all the obvious ailments, her heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, everything is in good working order, we think it's exhaustion"
"I'm not surprised, she's been going at it hard for the last four years nonstop, and then this damn tour"
"Twenty shows in less than forty days, I'd say that was past excessive" the doctor added, I agreed "Whatever it is she's trying to prove to herself I hope she has now"
"Got a stubborn streak" I laughed more relieved than anything
"We've given her a mild sedative to get her to rest, but she should wake up soon" the doctor looked at me thoughtfully before talking again "I'll leave you to it, give the nurse a call when she wakes up"
"Thanks" I turned to look at her again, relieved she was fine, I pulled the chair closer to her bed and sat in it to watch her sleep. We hadn't touched in a month, and sitting here now, selfishly, I didn't want that to ever be the case again.
"Sam" her eyes opened for a second, but as quickly as they opened, they closed again, I leaned in to stroke her face "I miss you" a tear rolled down her face, I wondered if she thought she was dreaming I was there "I'm sorry"
"Babe?" I called gently; her eyes flickered for a second but stayed closed "Babe" I stroked her face again "I'm here, open your eyes for me"
"Babe?" her eyes sprang open "Are you real?" she looked into my eyes
"I'm real" I laughed watching her eyes close again
"I'm sorry" she mumbled
"Me too, I should never have told you we'd do whatever you wanted" I stroked her hair "I should haven said what I felt and told you to slow down" I leaned in and kissed her cheek "I miss waking up to you" I kissed her forehead
"Sam" she finally opened her eyes
"I'm here" her whole face suddenly beamed at me "What have you done to yourself?"
"I made a mistake"
"No, you didn't" I sat on the bed and grabbed her hands "I did, I should have stopped you"
"I should have let you" she sat up her eyes wide "Did you win?"
"Yeah" he smiled
"I'm so proud of you" she leaned in and kissed me, and just like that, although a few hundred miles away from it right here in the moment, I was home.
"Mrs Evans" the doctor walked into the room "You're awake" he smiled "We've found nothing, and in case you feel a bit groggy, we gave you a mild sedative to help you rest, it seems like a case of exhaustion, I suggest you slow down, a lot"
"She will" I assured him, watching the doctor leave
"Sam" she frowned
"No more of this energy tour business, from now on I'm calling the shots" I warned her "But right now" I smiled at her "There are two little eight-year-olds on the other side of that door, wanting to make sure their mommy's alright, ready?"
"Past ready" she smiled
I opened the door and let our over excited children come in, before sitting down to watch one of the three things that still excited me about my life, seeing her with our children was like watching the very definition of love, the ultimate satisfaction. Of course, the other two were seeing my wife's face, even on my worst days, and of course, I was wrong back then when I named all those things that were better than sex, because back then I didn't factor in they'd be nowhere near as satisfying as sex with her.
"Babe" she held her hand out for me to get to her, half an hour later "I need to talk to you about something"
"I'll find the children some snacks" the nanny nodded for them to follow her
"What's up?" I sat on the bed wondering what she had to say
"I'm thinking of setting up on our own, no more producers, manager's just us doing our thing, when we want, and maybe helping new artists find their voice along the way, what do you think?"
"We've both come to the end of our contracts, it might just work" I smiled, I was already up for it "Time to break free"
"Break free, I like that" she smiled
End of Sam's POV
Later that evening they were back on their way home, there weren't any delays this time, their private plane had landed yesterday to pick her up, so they were good to go. Sam sat scribbling ideas and music all the flight home while Mercedes and the twins slept, they'd had a full day. They got home, put the children to bed settled themselves for the evening "What are you playing?" she asked as she came out of the bathroom
"Tell me what you think" he nodded at his notebook "Scratched it out on the plane" he carried on playing the melody, she sat on the bed humming the words out to his music
"Sounds great, what's it for?"
"Us, I thought we could do a duet for the opening of our new venture"
"Sounds like you have something up your sleeve already" she looked at him suspiciously
"Confession" he smiled, before he stopped playing "I've been thinking about my future while you were away, the twins are growing up, I didn't want to go on the road again so" he looked at her sheepishly "I was looking to buy a small place on the Boulevard, I went to look at it last week, I thought I could turn it into a studio and rent spots, but then you come up with this business idea and I'm thinking we buy three plots on the Boulevard and make that our base"
"Do we need an office with no clients?"
"Do we need clients with no office?"
"Let's see what this song is saying" she looked down at the sheets in her hand, when Sam started playing again
Sam: Ooh, ooh, I, I just woke up from a dream, where you and I had to say goodbye
And I don't know what it all means, but since I survived, I realized
Chorus
Both: Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow, nobody's promised tomorrow
So, I'm a love you every night like it's the last night, like it's the last night
If the world was ending, I'd want to be next to you, if the party was over, and our time on earth was through
I'd want to hold you just for a while, and die with a smile, if the world was ending, I'd want to be next to you
Mercedes with Sam: Ooh, ooh, Ooh, lost, lost in the words that we scream, I don't even want to do this anymore
Cause you already know what you mean to me, and our love's the only war worth fighting for... 'Die With A Smile' Bruno Mars & Lady Gaga
"Obviously we need a bridge, but I think we could work on it"
"It's a really good song Babe" she hugged him "I'm sorry I scared you"
"As long as you never do that again"
"I won't" she smiled "I'm dying for bed" she got up to get into it "With you in it" she pulled the covers up to cover most of her face
"I'm sure I heard no exhaustion" he laughed
"That's fine, I'll let you do all the work, tonight"
"I guess that's a go" he crawled up the bed