Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls
Author's Notes: Thank you for reading and please review!
(Back with Dipper…)
"This line is taking forever!" Mabel whined. She was all for giving these goblin dogs a try, especially since Kelly was recommending them so strongly. "How much longer?"
"I'm not sure." Kelly admitted. "But it's been over an hour we must be close."
"We better be." Dipper said. "It really isn't a good idea for us to be out much longer." He looked around fearfully.
"it's fine." Bill tried to assure Dipper, while hiding his own uneasiness. "The whole kingdom is chasing them down; they don't even have time to attack us."
It was a flimsy excuse, but Dipper hoped he was right none the less.
"You might think this line is long. But listen to my goblin song. It's been hours since you ate but goblin dogs are worth the wait Yeah!" A little goblin in an apron singed as he appeared doing a little dance.
"Who is that?" Mabel asked.
"Oh that's Roy." Kelly answered. "He works the Goblin Truck; he comes out from time to time to entertain the crowd."
"Maybe he can help us." Mabel insisted.
"How?" Bill asked.
"Well you're royalty right?" Mabel asked.
"Yeah, so?" Bill inquired.
"Well maybe there's a VIP section, you know so we can skip ahead." Mabel insisted.
Bill smiled. "Shooting Star you're a genius!" Bill exclaimed as he waved the goblin over. "Uh Roy, I was wondering, you wouldn't have a VIP line would you?"
Ro's eyes practically lit up. "VIP? Why yes I do, but it's reserved for priority customers."
"Well I think a Prince is a priority." Mabel pointed out.
"A prince you say?" Roy asked. "Well everyone else has paid to get in this line. I could get you in but you're still going to have to pay for it all upfront."
"Oh well…" Bill bites his lip. "My parents didn't exactly leave me any money."
"Oh I might have some." Kelly insisted "Mable look in my hair and pull out my wallet."
"Oh okay." Mabel shrugs and reached into Kelly's rainbow hair. She pulls out a brush, a change of clothes, some shoes, a mirror phone, and… "A cat?" she asked confused.
"That's Mr. whiskers." Kelly explained. "I was wondering where he went."
The cat jumps out of Mabel's arms and back into Kelly's hair.
"Here let me…." Kelly reaches in her hair. "Found it!" She pulls out a small blue wallet. She opens it and pulls out a couple of dollars. "Is this enough?"
"Trust me, it isn't," the Goblin said, his arms crossed with disdain.
"Now what!?" Mabel exclaimed.
"I don't know!" Kelly cried.
"Well we have to figure out something!" Bill insisted, he stops.
Dipper flinches as all three of them look at him. "Oh no!"
"Pine Tree…" Bill pleads with big puppy dog eyes. "have a heart."
"Please!" The girls begged their eyes also pleading.
"Oh, for the love of-hold on!" Dipper rummaged through his pockets before pulling out a substantial wad of cash. "Will this be enough?"
Roy's mouth dropped open. "Yeah, that'll do!" He said as he then grabbed the wad of cash. "All right, you all get to go into the VIP line. Follow me please."
"All right!" Bill and the girls exclaimed.
Dipper smiled, seeing them happy made it all worth it. The group follows Roy over to a separate line which is thankfully much shorter than the one before.
"See I knew it was worth it." Bill told him.
"Yeah okay you win this one." Dipper agreed. "But we should probably leave the moment we get some dogs." He advised. "Now that Toffee and Tad are together who knows what they'll do."
"Well go back soon as we get one." Bill promised. "Trust me I've heard nothing but good reviews it's worth it."
"Welcome to the VIP line!" Roy tells them, you purchase gets you all of our Goblin Dog Swag!" He gestures to the merchandise wagon beside them.
"Sweet!" Kelly exclaimed. "What can we get?"
"Well for…." Roy stops as he counts the money. "650 bucks you get one of everything."
"Each?" Bill asked hopefully.
"What? No!" Roy laughed. "Making Goblin Dogs ain't cheap."
"Makes since." Dipper shrugged, after all a line this long must meant they were famous. "How about we all get a shirt and buy the dogs with what's left over? Sound good?" He looks to Roy to see if this is okay.
"Perfect choice Sir!" Roy nods. "We have several unique designs, please pick your favorites" He gestured to a rack of shirts.
"Oooo I like this one!" Mabel said. It was a galaxy style shirt with a goblin dog shooting across it like a comet. The words GOBLIN DOG where written out in block letters on the back.
"Oh I want that one too!" Kelly said. She grabs a similar one and pulls it on over her shirt.
Mabel does the same. "Look we match!" She exclaims to Dipper.
Dipper smiles, seeing his sister happy makes the hassle all worth it. He looks at the shirts and tries to decide one for himself.
"This one." Bill says, handing him a red shirt similar to his own.
Dipper smiled; it was simple with the words GOBLIN DOGZ RULE! Spelled out diagonally on it. He pulls off his vest before placing the shirt on. "It's like an upgrade." He joked, placing back on his vest.
Bill grabs a gold T-shirt with a Goblin Dog on it, the dog has a bite taken out of it. The word TASTY is written beneath it. Bill puts it on over his sweater vest.
"BILL!" Dipper blushes.
"What? He asked, but his smile says he knows exactly what Dipper is referring to. "I say it's an accurate description."
The girls giggled and Dipper rolled his eyes before looking back to Roy. "Thank you Sir."
"Oh no thank you." Roy said. "Enjoy!" He pushes the wagon further down the line to accommodate the next few customers.
"Guys look! We're next!" Kelly points out.
The others look to see that she's right, a food truck looms before them.
"Finally!" Bill exclaims. "Prepare to have your minds blown away!" he leads them to the window which opens to…
"Roy?" Dipper asked.
"Yep!" Roy says.
"Man you really need to get more staff out here." Dipper tells him.
Roy shrugs. "What can I do you for?"
"We'd like four goblin dogs please." Bill ordered.
"All right." Roy types away on his cash register. "VIP treatment, plus Four shirts, plus four dogs equals 650." He concludes. The register opens and he places the money in. Moments later a receipt is printed out and Roy signs it before handing it to them. "Now all you have to do is wait in that line." He points to another monstrously long line.
"WHAT!" Bill exclaims as he looks at it.
Dipper sighs and takes the receipt "Roy How many lines are there?" He asked.
"Oh, it's all one line." Roy reveals. "VIP treatment just gets you a head of the regular customers. You'll go to that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, and finally you'll get to the main truck where you'll exchange that receipt for your dogs." He explained.
"That's gonna take forever." Mabel whined.
"It's okay, I'll handle this." Dipper assures her. He looks to Roy. "Look man we bought all your stuff and gave you all our money, over 600 dollars. We've waited long enough."
"I'm sorry sir." Roy looked genuinely apologetics. "I understand I do, but some of the other VIPs have been waiting for years."
"Years⁈" They all exclaimed.
"Yes, so you see it wouldn't be fair." Roy reasoned.
"Oh well…." Dipper looks defeated. "Sorry guys."
"It's okay Dip." Mabel said. "It's just not meant to be I guess." She frowns and looks at her shirt.
"Oh, you know what? Forget this okay? I'm not waiting years just to try a goblin dog." Kelly ripped of her shirt and threw it down on the ground. "Give us a refund."
"Yeah Bill snapped "We're leaving!"
"Sorry, no refunds." Roy points to the sign beside him.
"That is it!" Bill screams finally losing his patience he jumps for the goblin, but Dipper holds him back.
"It's fine Bill." He said.
"No it's not, you're a nice guy and he's taking advantage of that!" Bill screamed. "I mean seriously all you people waiting here. How much money have you wasted on this guy with no real results."
Everyone around them started to murmur their agreement.
"I mean have any of you actually seen this guy give anyone a Goblin Dog?" Bill yelled.
"He's right!" The koala said. "He's conned us all. Get him!"
The crowd moves as one, Roy takes out a shirt cannon and starts firing it at them.
"You're gonna lose your place in line." He shouts.
Kelly picks up her shirt and pulls it back on. "Your call Dipper, are we leaving? Or are we gonna make this freeloader pay?!"
Part of Dipper wanted to leave, but the other part knew that this guy wouldn't stop unless someone made him. He stuffs the receipt in his pocket and nods. "Let's go!"
"Revenge!" Bill screams as they join the charge.
Roy panics as they get impossibly closer, finally he abandons the shirt cannon and starts up the truck. He hits the gas and the goblin dog truck races off.
"He's getting away." Mabel screamed.
"Oh no he isn't!" Bill yelled. He dips deep down and summons his magical cloud, Cloudy!
"Jump on friends!" Cloudy exclaims, once they do the cloud races off chasing after the goblin dog truck. It doesn't take long for them to catch up.
"Hey, give us back our money you scam artist!" Kelly yells before taking off her shirt again before tossing it at Roy.
The shirt hits him smack in the face causing him to swerve the truck.
"Chaos blast!" Bill shouts, creating a blast that hits the truck.
It flips into the air before landing on its side.
"Bill, we're not trying to kill the guy!" Dipper yells as he jumps off the cloud.
Roy falls out of the truck groaning; He jumps as he sees Dipper approaching. "Okay, Okay I'm sorry!" He exclaimed. "You were all right! It's a ruse. I took you for everything."
"Yeah I kind of figured that out already." Dipper said, looking him over. "Are you okay? I'm sorry if my friends got a little carried away."
"Dipper don't apologize!" Kelly yelled. She gets in between him and Roy. "You are a monster! Dipper is a nice guy who was trying to do something nice for his friends."
"Look you can your money back." Roy insisted as he pulled it out.
"Oh you better believe we're taking it back." Bill snatches it away.
Roy sighs looking at his destroyed truck.
Dipper crumbles and takes the money. "Just-Keep it."
"What?!" Bill yells. "Pine tree that's 650 bucks that he's swindling from us."
"Yeah. Well, now every time he sees my 650 dollars, he'll remember the kids whose dreams he wrecked."
"He's right Bill." Mabel assures him. "If he's desperate enough to steal from kids then he's not worth it."
"But…" Kelly looks defeated. "Are you sure?"
Dipper nodded. "Come on Bill we're going home."
Bill looks ready to argue but relents. "Fine, but I hope you rot!" He yells at Roy.
Dipper shakes his head as his friends start to walk away. "Will you be alright out here?" He asked Roy.
"I'll manage." Roy says, not looking phased.
"Fine, hope it was worth the trouble." He turns and follows Mabel and their friends.
Roy begins to giggle, before he lets out a fit of laughter. Everyone looks back at him stunned. He lets the money blow away before running up to Dipper and grabs him. "You've done it!"
"What the..." Dipper asked.
"Bill…." Mabel whispers.
"Get your hands off him!" Bill's growl is almost animal like.
Roy gives him a crazy look, unphased by the danger he's in. "No. You earned the goblin dogs."
"What are you talking about?" Dipper asked, seriously this guy was really hard to keep up with.
"Yeah you just said they weren't real!" Kelly snapped.
"It's some kind of trick." Bill hissed. "And I've had just enough of this guy."
"Not a trick." Roy takes his hands off Dipper and raises them up. "A goblin dog must choose its master through trial, and today, the goblin dog chooses you." He holds up a bottle of ketchup and mustard before using the condiments to create a pentagram on the ground.
Everyone watches in awe as the symbol glows with magic.
"Behold!" Roy exclaims as four hot dogs floated down from the sky.
The friends looked at the dogs hovering before them.
Dipper shrugged. "Well we did pay for them, might as well see what all the fuss is about."
They all agree before grabbing a dog and biting into it.
"This tastes like a normal hot dog." Mabel said chewing.
"It's okay." Dipper said with a shrug.
"It's basic, but it's good." Kelly offers.
"Hmm. Yeah." Bill looks disappointed. "I guess I was expecting..." He gasps as an explosion of flavor and color exploded around him.
Everyone else echoed him, obviously sharing in the hallucination.
"Goblin dogs! Goblin dogs." A voice echoed.
Moments later they all wake up back in the desert.
"That was amazing!" Bill admitted all previous anger gone.
"I gotta give it to you, Those hot dogs were pretty good." Dipper agreed.
"Still all that trouble." Mabel pointed out.
Bill looks at the mess he caused. "Sorry about your truck."
Roy shrugs it off. "I have a hundred more." He assures them.
"Well I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks for the dogs." Bill said shaking his hand. "And the life lesson."
Suddenly the ground shakes around them, everyone turns to see the mob of customers from before.
"Hey, they got goblin dogs!" a monster yelled, "Get them!"
"Oh boy." Dipper groaned.
"You kids go, no sense in putting you through any more trouble." Roy starts pushing them along.
"Are you kidding, you can't take them all on your own." Kelly argues.
"Bill do something!" Mabel cries as the mob gets closer.
"Me? What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to stop a stampede." His eyes widen. "Oh no!"
"Bill you have to." Dipper urged.
"He's never gonna let me live this down." Bill groan then he yelled. "Axolotl!"
The salamander appeared. "You called?" He asked.
"Spell book Now!" Bill yells.
"Pardon?" Axolotl turns to see the mob. "Oh would you look at that, an angry mob if only you knew a spell that could match such a horde."
"Okay, okay fine, I was wrong and impatient and I'm sorry!" Bill yelled. "I promise if you show me the spell now I'll do it!"
"By the book?" Axolotl challenged.
"By the book!" Bill vowed.
Axolotl whistles and the spell book flies up out of nowhere before opening to the page. "Now remember, you must do every step."
Bill nods and imitates the steps striking the correct poses, he can feel the energy charging up around him. With the final pose he shouts. "Warnicorn stampede!"
Hundreds of warnicorns pop into existence in a fanfare of light, and charge.
For a moment it looks like the mob is going to meet them in battle but at the last second they seem to realize they are outnumbered.
Bill sighed in relief as they turn and ran, moments later they were out of sight.
"You did it!" Mabel jumps him with a big hug.
"Nice one." Kelly praised.
"I knew you could do it." Dipper says with a smile.
"Yes well done. I knew you would come around." Axolotl chimed.
"I'm sorry I ran off." Bill said.
"Don't be, turns out young Mason was right, looks like a break was just what you needed." Axolotl says giving Dipper a wink.
"You planned all of this didn't you?" Dipper shook his head. "It's the closet incident all over again."
"Correct!" Axolotl smiled. "Someone's been paying attention, gold star."
Dipper rolls his eyes.
"Thank you!" Roy hugs Bill. "How can I ever repay you?"
"Don't touch me." Bill answered.
"Will do." Roy lets go so fast it almost makes Mabel's head spin.
"Oh and maybe make that test of yours a little easier for people to catch on." Bill added.
"Very well." Roy snapped his fingers and another truck appeared. "It was nice meeting you." He says to Dipper. "You know your friend is right you're a nice guy. let me know if you ever want another dog."
"Yeah not happening." Dipper said.
"Never again." Mabel agreed.
"no dog is worth that trouble, no matter how good." Bill concluded.
"I don't know I might." Kelly said, everyone gives her an astonished look. "What it was amazing!" She said once again picking up her shirt. "Hey, I can still keep this right?" She asked.
"Of course, have a nice day folks." Roy laughed and drove away.
"What a crazy goblin." Dipper said.
"Agreed." Everyone chimed in.
"well let's get you kiddies home." Axolotl snaps his fingers, and a portal appears.
"So the book is real." Tad says as he watches the children disappear with their magical guide into the awaiting portal.
"I knew you'd need proof, and now you have it." Toffee says firmly.
"they're expecting us to make a move." Tad points out the obvious. "How will we-"
"Patients…" Toffee reminds him. "We give them false hope, let their guard drop and then…"
"We strike." Tad finished reminding him who was in charge.
Toffee smiled the battlelines were obviously drawn; the question was who would win? He eased back in his chair as the little demon began to go on a tirade. 'Please.' He thought. 'As if the answer isn't obvious.'
He would win, his master would rise again and then; they would all pay!
-To Be Continued