Winter of the White Wolf: Post S1 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

by KLeCrone

While Bucky would prefer to believe that his time as the Winter Soldier is long behind him, strange dreams and the shadows of missing memories prompt him to explore where the Winter Soldier ends and the White Wolf begins... This story dives into the bonds of friendship, the aftermath of betrayal, and includes a lively mix of banter, action, angst, and globe-trotting adventure.

92. The Gravity of Ink

I hope all of you have been well! It's been an insanely busy summer here, and I dare say: I can feel a flavor of the same full-body exhaustion as many of our characters in this story. :)

I had the pleasure of working with Elkleggs (elkleggs on Twitter) on a painting to accompany this chapter, and Ghostbite (ghostbite0 on Tumblr) has also graced us with a new illustration to go along with a prior chapter!

Information on the full paintings and further links and information can be found below the prose for this chapter.

Please check out this chapter on Archive of Our Own to see the art and links to everyone's social media!

Simply search for: "KLeCrone Ao3 Winter of the White Wolf"

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Winter of the White Wolf

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Chapter 92 - The Gravity of Ink

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Summary:

In the hours past midnight, Barnes, Sam, and the Wakandans recover in a safehouse after a tense confrontation downtown. They've only just begun to delve into a growing number of troubling details surrounding what Barnes experienced during his recent escapades…

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The purple digital readout on the safehouse's silver microwave kept time over a passing hour of loaded silences and heavy concerns that circled Barnes like a committee of famished vultures. There'd been no further news if anything further was amiss with his mind or an indication of what was to be done with him, but Barnes got the impression that follow-up discussions pertaining to sleep or travel were temporarily shelved until Shuri had sufficient time to parse the ongoing volley of readouts and correspondences from the Wakandan Design Group.

Barnes did what he could to avoid drawing conclusions and extrapolating out premature outcomes from Shuri's choice to opt out of both verbal and video exchanges with the scientists still assisting her at this late hour. He told himself that text was simply a more straightforward means of communication for someone highly capable of multitasking, but another part of him suspected there was a worrisome undercurrent behind Shuri's latest preference and prolonged silence.

Barnes couldn't see her from where he remained seated at the head of the kitchen table facing the sink in the opposite direction. He had long-since memorized every square inch of the wooden kitchen cabinets, patterned hand-towels, and appliances within his field of view, and while he could see Sam sitting diagonally beside him, everyone else was mostly out of view unless he turned in their direction.

He could make out Ayo's breathing just over his left shoulder and Nomble on his right, and a step behind him, the familiar hum of Yama's portable regeneration stabilizer ran steady laps over his back. Barnes found if he focused hard enough, he could triangulate Shuri's distance and relative position from the piece of fruit leather she chewed from across the room. He tried to interpolate what news she might have from the change in cadence of her bites, but he continued to come up short.

While the vast majority of Shuri's digital activities were strictly silent in nature, now and then her chewing would stop and she would take a slow sip of a hot beverage she claimed to be an instant decaf espresso. Ayo had briefly objected to the proposal that it was decaffeinated, but Shuri had shrugged it off and neither of them pressed the issue since.

The Wakandan princess had continued to refine her makeshift battlestation of holographic displays on the far side of the couch and coffee table, and from the latest sounds of interlocking metal parts, Barnes suspected she was presently multitasking and making further adjustments to the malfunctioning electrical node she'd removed from his shoulder. The node was not her primary interest, but like the fruit leather, it served as an ongoing distraction while she waited out increasingly longer gaps in correspondence with the Design Center.

Barnes could tell he wasn't the only one that was eager for news. Ayo and Nomble — still outfitted in their fashionable grey and black casual disguises — remained steadfast in their guard as they stood watch on either side of him, ready to intervene at a moment's notice if their princess's life were threatened. While their spears were not extended, their hands rested near the cylinder of their concealed weapons. Seated as he was, Barnes couldn't get a good view of either of their expressions, but the last time he'd caught sight of them in his periphery, they'd both appeared strictly attentive and guarded. While he had no desire to fan the flames of an already tense situation of his own making, the uneasy silence had a way of gnawing into his worries, and he found himself wishing for not the first time for the casual chatter that Sam, Yama, or Shuri were normally so overly inclined to provide.

He wasn't sure what aspect of the uneasy ambiance was worse: the fact that the Wakandans had refrained from erecting a containment field around him, or that some part of him might've preferred that physical isolation to being flanked by Dora Milaje he still wanted to believe were his friends. He knew they were responsible for ensuring princess Shuri's continued safety, but he was also well aware he'd let them down in more ways than one.

As the minutes drew on and the purple numbers on the microwave display continued to roll forward, Barnes found that he increasingly suspected that once Shuri completed her research, they'd likely be returning to Wakanda regardless. He told himself he'd made peace with the possibility even though it signaled a frustrating defeat ahead of being unable to locate HYDRA's old base of operations in Symkaria. He had gotten a lead across town, but the trail had gone cold on account of everchanging construction over the years. Without additional investigation, they'd be unable to locate the entrance, and with it, the potential of uncovering what had happened to the American supersoldiers he'd brought there nearly seventy years earlier, no less if there were any underlying connections to the recent turmoil and string of political assassinations.

They'd never know because in his eagerness to ensure his target wasn't part of some larger scheme, he'd gotten in too deep and disobeyed direct orders, putting the larger mission at risk.

And he only had himself to blame.

He sighed, frustrated at the snowball of well-intentioned decisions that had inadvertently led him to where he was now.

"Is that area still sensitive?" Yama's voice peeked out from just behind him.

The quiet hum beyond his left ear hushed to a whisper as Barnes realized Yama had dialed down the intensity of the portable regeneration stabilizer to address him. She took a step forward and leaned over his ailing shoulder in an attempt to coax his attention. "I can target the location with a milder setting if it is," she added empathetically.

Barnes started to turn his head towards her before rapidly remembering Ayo's request for him to stay put where he was. His shoulders tensed and he straightened his back, keeping his attention fixed straight ahead to the sink at the other end of the kitchen. "It wasn't that. It's fine."

"Is this the 'it's fine' it's not botherin' you, or the 'it's fine' you're tryin' to drop the subject?" Sam interjected, cocking an eyebrow from where he sat parsing his cell phone just to Barnes's left. While Barnes didn't have a good angle on the screen, he suspected Sam had been responding to messages and browsing news reports and social media using the algorithms Shuri had shown him.

Barnes sent Sam a tempered glare that he hoped answered the unnecessary question, but instead Sam pursed his lips together and spared a glance at Yama, quipping, "Alright. Both then."

"Your skin's looking much improved," Yama observed, hovering the tip of the medical device over his left shoulder blade and fine-tuning the intensity. "It's still a little flush, but that's to be expected from the increased blood flow to the capillaries near the surface. It should subside within a few hours. It must feel better now, yes?"

"Significantly," he consented. The once scorched flesh prickled with sensation, but it no longer burned or ached when he breathed which was a sizable improvement. Barnes hadn't realized how extensive the damage had been, and he hoped there wouldn't be any lasting effects. Like so much else — that remained to be seen.

Maybe they could repair the lingering damage to his shoulder when they sent him back to Wakanda too.

Sam inclined his head to a growing collection of water bottles and energy bars in front of them. "How you doin' on calories?" He had discreetly loosened the caps on the bottles and peeled open the ends of a few of the wrappers to make them more straightforward for Barnes to consume using only his right hand while his left arm and shoulder underwent repairs. Barnes might not have admitted it outright, but he found he appreciated the gesture.

Barnes's attention returned to the remaining bottles and snacks. Much as his mind was still racing with worries and unanswered questions, he suspected that the combination of hydration and chocolate-flavored energy bars he'd consumed over the last hour had likely contributed to his declining headache. But before he could say anything, Sam preempted his reply.

"Swear to god, if you say 'fine' again, we're gonna have words."

Barnes twisted his lips and offered a moderately stubborn concession, "I'm alright."

The remark earned him a glare from Sam, and Barnes even caught a hint of a smile at the corner of Nomble's lips as Yama quipped, "Your reply was well formed, but nutrition would benefit the sharpness of your wit."

"Don't encourage him." Sam loosened the lid on another bottled water and slid it towards Barnes's opposite hand.

Rather than argue, Barnes indulged him and took a drink. Even after half a dozen bottles of water, his throat still felt like he'd swallowed a mouthful of gravel. Although the liquid wasn't innately curative, some part of him acknowledged that it was beneficial regardless of if he felt thirsty or not. Perhaps the whims of his hypothalamus had been damaged during recent events too.

He frowned when Ayo's shadow fell over him as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other. While she hadn't done so much as raise a hand or her voice to him, her continued proximity to him made him oddly nervous. Some part of him worried that she might choose to lash out at him at any moment like he'd experienced in the fragments of a flashback he could barely recall.

He was unclear of the context, but he was certain it had been her his memories.

What else didn't he remember?

Barnes remained still and silent with the water bottle in his right hand as Ayo lifted her fingers to respond to another coded message. After a few short volleys of texts she noted, "I've shared some of our key findings about Aniana with M'yra so she can investigate the city block Shuri found was under surveillance. I've also requested her to establish timelines surrounding the construction of the rotunda on the far side of town. I do not know how much longer we will remain in Symkaria, but it does not hinder us to see if she can uncover any details that might prove useful, or that we might discreetly pass along to the authorities." Ayo turned her attention across the room to face Shuri. While she didn't address her by name, Barnes was certain Ayo's next words were intended for the princess specifically. "I have requested M'yra to rest now, and would ask that she not be disturbed unless it is a matter of great urgency."

"Of course," Shuri readily agreed. "I would not wish our activities and curiosities to delay her recovery."

Ayo nodded once and Barnes could feel the weight of her attention return to him. He kept his eyes downcast on the table and did what he could to ignore her gaze. Now that another round of silence had begun to permeate the room again, he felt his tired mind try to ground itself and make sense of what he'd seen back on the street when he'd briefly ducked down to retrieve an older man's cell phone from the sidewalk.* He did what he could to step through what had happened. For just a moment, it was as if he'd been in two places at once, and his vibranium arm had been lying lifelessly palm-up across an intricately inlaid wooden floor inches beyond his fingertips. But even the echoes of the memory stirred up a wave of emotions so sharp and specific that they felt like they belonged to someone else.

Surprise.

Horror.

Confusion.

Shame.

Barnes struggled to piece together the context of the chronology with the few clues he had, but even now that he was outside of the throes of a pursuit, he came up short. He recognized many memories where his mind was fogged, twisted, and turned by the will of others, driving his actions to simplified intent. When his mind was in that heightened state and he met eyes with Ayo, there was always a singular focus in her gaze. A cold desire to subdue him with as little harm as possible.

But what he saw back on the street was not one in the same.

The Ayo he'd seen in his mind's eye regarded him with pointed scorn and anger burning bright in her hard brown eyes. Even without context, he felt certain Ayo had sought not to simply subdue him, but to punish him. But there were no details for him to latch onto. No context. Just shards of scattered thoughts set around the echo of four snarled words that reverberated straight through him and made him question everything he thought he knew:

"Bast damn you, James"

Each brutal syllable carved into him and twisted. Even now, they pulled him apart in ways that no words from HYDRA ever had, leaving him confused and stripped bare. For a moment, he reflexively started to reach his right hand across his chest to reassure himself that his other limb was still attached, but he resisted the urge and instead gripped his water bottle, remaining still. Compliant. He tried to force himself to reorient himself to the present, but he kept seeing the details of her face. That face he thought he knew coursed with a painful, disappointed expression that was so foreign he barely recognized it.

When he'd first awakened in Shuri's lab, he remembered something else too. He didn't know when, but he knew that Ayo had once regarded him with the same hard expression as she all-but spat at him:

"солдат" Soldier.

What had happened, and when? Were the two events connected?

How many more didn't he remember?

Some part of him wanted so desperately to know. To seek clarity for the many questions rolling around his strained mind, but he knew it wasn't his place to ask. Maybe he was even afraid to. What if the truth was even worse than the many possibilities his guilty conscience was churning up? Moreover, with how egregiously he'd messed up, he felt like it was only a matter of time until the anger Ayo had once directed at him rose up again for whatever coming punishment he knew he very well deserved.

But what had he done before? Had he hurt someone?

Barnes frowned and kept his eyes downcast, glancing over in Sam's direction at the sound of him overturning his cell phone face-down on the table in front of him. It was clear Sam was unsettled too, but it was difficult to diagnose if the root cause lay in something he'd read on his screen, or the complex situation they'd found themselves in. Barnes hadn't intended to pursue actions that would negatively impact his relationships with the people around him, but he was well aware that he'd done just that. Was it even possible to mend relationships he'd singlehandedly frayed?

There was a time not even days ago when the weight of those relationships felt inconsequential. When Barnes had woken to a cast of faces he almost unilaterally didn't remember and who he'd preemptively pegged as HYDRA. His only compulsion had been to get away, and the thought of desiring bonds with those individuals couldn't have been further from his mind.

But now…? Now he might only have a week left where his mind was potentially stable — assuming he hadn't inadvertently caused damage to it with his recent decisions — the thought that he'd betrayed the trust of the people he cared about hurt in a very particular way that he struggled to articulate. While he didn't want to dwell on the hollow shell his life might become if his memories and ability to think clearly faded forever from his grasp, it was somehow infinitely worse to imagine that he might spend his remaining days exiled and truly alone.

It felt as though he was on the cusp of an inevitable head-on collision with a new type of staggering loss he could do nothing but brace for.

And it was all his fault.

The humming from the medical device behind his injured shoulder suddenly hushed and faded, and a friendly voice took its place. "I've completed the initial pass," Yama observed. "It would be good to let it heal on its own a while. Is the sensation now without pain?"

The injury to his shoulder was the last thing on his mind, but Barnes did what he could to pay attention to Yama's inquiry. To try to convey some fraction of his churning thoughts. But before he could formulate a coherent thought she quickly added, "You can roll it around. See if the rotation is stiff. We are not so jumpy if you are slow about it."

He nodded once and did as he was told, keeping his left hand and elbow locked in place as he gently raised his shoulder and rolled it first forward and then back. The improvement was readily apparent, and far more substantial than he would have thought possible even after previous exposure to their healing tech. "It's better. My neck too."

"You probably pulled something," Yama remarked, stepping around him slightly and tilting her head forward so he was obligated to make eye contact. Yama's head was still wrapped in the same grey knitted cap she'd put on during the flight over. It softened her appearance, all-but obscuring the fact that she was still a trained warrior. But her kind expression was not critical, and it shone with unwavering solidarity, "All muscles — even your muscles — tense when subjected to pain at-length. You might find other areas of your body that would benefit from treatment once you rest. You will tell me no lies when I ask about them, yes?"

Her phrasing had a way of reminding him of any number of interactions they'd had over the last few days. From the accord they'd struck when she'd first asked for his consent to step into the energy dome, followed by the respectful line she'd drawn in the soil as a sign of trust and boundaries. Her unusual methods eventually led to the mending of one foot, and in more recent times she'd cleverly leveraged a settling his own Kimoyo beads to send haptic pulses in morse code to see if he was in pain. "Entrust me only truths, Lost Wolf," she'd said, and the words and moreover the intent behind them stuck with him now.

Even when Yama had first used that moniker back on the mountain, it was never spoken with cruelty. He realized now that it was merely a way of calling attention to the open space bridging their understanding of one another, and Yama's way of reminding him that he need not remain lost and isolated.

There wasn't anger in her latest statement or expression, even though Barnes felt deserving of both in equal measure. Maybe that was why HYDRA had worked so tirelessly to suppress his ability to read faces, because for inexplicable reason, even though he'd clearly messed up, Yama wasn't ready to cast him aside.

"I'll tell you the truth if I notice anything," Barnes promised, meeting her steady gaze. "I'm sore, but it's nothing major. Probably just from the exertion."

Sam cracked an eyebrow and Yama tilted her head thoughtfully while she evaluated him for cracks. "I heard a recording of your remark by the river that 'our friend' is out of shape. I'm not sure what level of fitness you once maintained, but your remarkable urgency to find your way to us did not go unnoticed." Yama dipped her head in a placating gesture Barnes took as a supplement for thanks, but she kept her head low as if she were divulging a secret, "It is of course improper to speak for Dora while they maintain their guard," she almost imperceivably indicated first Nomble and then Ayo with the grey pom pom on atop her hat. "But were I on guard, I would wish you to know that my silence is well-cultivated focus, not condemnation."

Barnes thought he understood what she was getting at. That Ayo and Nomble were both on-duty and tuned into guarding Shuri to make sure he and his cursed brain didn't do anything stupid, but that didn't mean they were necessarily angry with him.

He guessed he'd find out soon enough.

Barnes thought Ayo might've been on the verge of replying to Yama when he caught movement from over his shoulder and saw Shuri take off her glasses, stretch, and get up off the couch before walking closer to them. After an hour and six minutes without updates, he felt himself tense wondering what breaking news the Wakandan genius might finally be on the verge of revealing. Was it good news? Bad? He couldn't deduce meaningful details from her footsteps alone. But hopefully her expression would provide much-needed clarity once he caught a glimpse of it.

But instead of stepping out in front of him, Shuri stopped behind him and peered at the back of his shoulder, carefully inspecting it. The princess's renewed proximity immediately prompted Ayo and Nomble to straighten and silently reaffirm their long standing guard on either side of him.

If Shuri noticed, she chose not to make mention of it. "It's looking a great deal better," she agreed as Yama stepped to the side to offer the princess a closer look. "Send me the latest round of imaging. We can do follow-up scans in the morning to determine if there is further residual damage." She dipped her head in Yama's direction. "Well done."

Yama graciously accepted the compliment and Barnes caught the ambiance shift as she stepped away to stow the medical device back in its case. Once Yama returned and took up guard behind him, Shuri casually walked around Nomble so the princess was facing Barnes. Her expression was well composed, but otherwise inscrutable on if she came bearing good or bad news.

Perhaps this was another test?

Sam lifted his attention to Shuri like he was hoping for an update too, but instead Barnes was caught by surprise when Shuri casually inquired, "I'm curious. Now why was it that after you apprehended Ayrthon, when you were preparing to free him, that he chose to make mention of seizures?"

Barnes blinked. It took him a second to try to think back to the context of the innocuous remark. Ayrthon had actually first made mention of it early on when Barnes was still in the grips of the malfunctioning electrical node. When his body had seized up and he was fighting not to inadvertently crush the man he intended to interrogate to ensure he wasn't a threat to Shuri. His microphone hadn't been enabled at that point, so the people around him were unaware of the tense details surrounding their exchange. All things considered? Barnes might've preferred to keep it that way, but the plea in Ayrthon's voice stayed with him.

"Ey… you…?" the man had strained to wheeze out half-formed syllables that Barnes's once static-filled mind had struggled to translate from Symkarian to anything useful, "You having… a…a seizure… or?"

Barnes had opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was so tight from the all-encompassing pain that he wasn't able to rally the strength for anything other than a hollow croak. It was like his whole body was being twisted by an invisible boa constrictor. All the while, the man he was struggling not to crush had pleaded with him, his voice barely audible over the pounding in his head and the electrical hum of the room, "...If you… get… my phone… I… I can… get you… help… Please…"

"I suspect he mistakenly attributed complications of our initial interaction to a seizure-like episode," Barnes weakly confessed.

Shuri crossed her arms. "And why would that be?"

"My motor function was compromised," he admitted in potentially the understatement of the year.

"To such a degree that even the petty thief you were tracking took notice of it?"

Barnes flinched as if struck. Shuri probably suspected Barnes had pinned his target in close quarters, but she hadn't pressed for any meaningful details up until this point. "He first made mention of it shortly after I physically engaged him."

"Putting you both at risk?"

Shuri's tone was rhetorical, but Barnes knew what she was driving at. "That wasn't my intention, but yeah. It did. I made a bad call."

She tilted her chin back, evaluating him while Sam, Ayo, Nomble, and Yama listened into the conversation. Sam was chewing on the edge of his lip like he was forcing down a follow-up question of his own while Shuri continued, "You said you tried to do the right thing. But that you got in too deep. I choose to believe that your actions were indeed driven with purpose, but none of us can know if and how you might've chosen differently were pain not your companion. What happened alters our trust in you, even if it was not your intention. I wonder, knowing what you know now, where would you have made your first decision to the contrary of the cascade of choices which led you here?"

Barnes frowned. He didn't have an answer waiting on the tip of his tongue, and Shuri must've sensed it. "I'll let you think about it while I check on your arm's repairs." Without another word, she drew a bead from her strand and placed it atop her palm. It lit up with a holographic display showing the inner workings of his prosthetic arm which was peppered with areas where purple indicators sat under the surface. Those must've been the nanites she'd previously inserted into his arm to help aid with repairs.

She scrolled through a number of overlays as Sam chimed in, "So the arm can normally self-repair?"

"Depending on the manner and degree of damage, yes," Shuri easily responded, slipping into a more casual instructional tone. "In this particular case, I wanted to be more targeted so my nanites could collect critical information on the nature of the unseen damage so that I can better understand how events progressed as they did. Of particular interest is the intersection between the prosthetic, the cautionary electrical node, and the Kimoyo Bead that was remotely modified to provide a localized electromagnetic pulse. The electrical node should have stayed dormant, and I am still working to assess why it behaved as it did. It possesses an anti-tampering protocol, but even such measures are not in line with alarming readings from its onboard logging, not to mention if the automated system activated, then it should have sent out an alert. Instead it stayed silent the whole time." Frustration was evident in her tone, but Barnes got the impression it was directed at herself, "The behavior we witnessed was not intended, and I would not want anyone else to suffer a similar experience."

She rotated the three-dimensional diagram of his arm around and mirrored it, honing in on an area with bright purple pulses. She addressed Barnes, "I am still reviewing what happened and why, but I want to be clear that based on the readings captured from the excess current that went through your arm, it appears you may have experienced an intensity of pain far beyond what the electrical node was meant to generate on its own. Not only that, but it was never meant to be in an activated state for a prolonged amount of time. Its function was exclusively intended to be like that of a taser. Swift and brief, like you experienced in the air above Birnin Zana when your mind was fogged."

Shuri frowned, pulling up a semi-translucent scan Yama had likely taken when she first started work on repairing his seared flesh. The mottled electrical burns were more extensive than even he'd anticipated. "Not like this. Never like this. I take full responsibility for the oversights that caused an avalanche of failures with its many safety protocols. It will not happen again. It is a poor excuse to say that the technologies developed almost six years ago for your arm would conflict so searingly with recent advancements, but it's clear key factors were overlooked." She sighed, meeting his eyes. "I am also surprised you were able to persist in spite of what must have been an alarming amount of pain."

It was clear her apology was sincere, but Barnes wasn't sure how to respond to her statement. It felt like he should say something, so he weakly offered, "The mission was more important."

Sam flinched and though Barnes couldn't see her expression, he was aware that Ayo shifted her weight where she stood close by his left elbow. Across from him, Shuri's expression faltered for a second but she nodded once and concluded, "Not a term I might've preferred, but I gathered as much." She pursed her lips and turned her attention to the holograms hovering over her palm, coaxing them to life with her slender fingers just as a colorful pop-up appeared in the top right corner of the display. "Ah, the repairs are complete. Good." Satisfied, she closed the projections and reseated her Kimoyo Bead. She stepped around Nomble and Yama and took up position between Ayo and Sam, then Shuri slowly reached forward and gently touched a location along the top of his forearm.

The narrow golden seam between the two polished gunmetal silver vibranium plates was within his view without even turning his head. Barnes wasn't sure of the reasoning behind the contact, but a second later what appeared to be vibranium silver liquid seeped out of the opening and reformed into a solid Kimoyo Bead sphere between Shuri's fingers.

Sam gave a silent whistle at the showcase of advanced technology while Shuri wasted no time in slipping the bead back into her strand and gesturing in Barnes's direction. "How is it now?"

Barnes took the combination of her inquiry and hand movement as a request for him to lift his arm and manipulate his joints. He rotated his shoulder, elbow, wrist, and fingers, evaluating the current performance against his inner metrics between his chrome arm and the various states of his vibranium one. The motion was remarkably fluid and no longer displayed any trembling or seizing behaviors. He was surprised at how thorough and effective the contactless repairs had been. "It no longer appears to be exhibiting problematic symptoms, and the range of motion appears uninhibited."

The nod Shuri offered him in response appeared to indicate that he'd answered to her satisfaction. "And how does it feel?"

"Feel?" he found himself repeating. He frowned as he adjusted the orientation of his fingers, pressing the tip of his index finger against the pad of his thumb. There it was. That faint ghost of a sensation that differed from the chrome one HYDRA bolted into him. It was more than a phantom sensation. When he pressed his fingers together, it was as if he was aware of the contact between them, though he still wasn't certain how that was possible. Part of him wanted to ask, but he felt reasonably certain that he'd lost permission to ask questions in the wake of his recent string of actions.

"There's no longer pain associated with contact," he observed, trying not to allow his thoughts to linger back to the flesh and blood limb he now remembered in painstaking detail. How his palms had strained in vain around ice cold metal as he struggled to maintain his grip before the bar eventually buckled and slipped out of his fingers, leaving him clutching at empty air in a perilous freefall as the train — and Steve with it — hurled forward without him, fading out into icy pinpricks in the distance.

Some fraction of his thoughts must have shown, because Shuri's expression rapidly softened, "I'm relieved to hear it. I still have work to do to ensure that the electrical node's systems have been fully repaired and remedied. And I want to run further simulations on the systems of your arm to ensure it does not require further maintenance or system updates. I never want something like that to happen again."

A brief reprieve of silence passed before a new voice spoked up. "My Princess?" Nomble softly inquired. "If Barnes has reached a breaking point in his treatment, might it be apt to permit him another shirt?"

Ayo's head immediately pivoted in her Lieutenant's direction, but she didn't speak up to address what Barnes assumed was probably a breach of professional protocol. Unphased, Shuri turned her attention to Nomble and wasted no time in responding, "That would be good now that he's mended, yes."

"I'll grab something soft," Sam was already to his feet and padding across the room towards their luggage behind him. "You want long-sleeved or short?"

Evaluating his preference in form and function of garment types was from his mind at the present time, but even though he didn't verbalize it, some part of Barnes acknowledged the appeal of a shirt. Another part of him knew it was probably because HYDRA often forbade him such basic comforts unless there was a tactical reason for them.

Or unless they were a necessary part of enrichment.

Barnes still didn't know what punishment might be planned for him now, but he didn't get the impression the shirt selection was part of it. "Short?" his response that came out more of a question than he'd been intending.

While Sam made a ruckus — presumably pulling his duffle bag out of the stacked luggage and unzipping it — Shuri addressed Barnes again, "Have you had sufficient time to consider where you would have first altered a decision you made earlier tonight?"

Barnes got the impression he was being evaluated for a correct answer. But like so many times before, he had valid reasons to doubt his judgment. Even still, he did what he could to retrace his steps starting from the present and moving backward.

His choice to isolate and confront his target was well-intentioned but had proven to be highly dangerous. He'd been well aware that the pain had taken a toll on him mentally and physically even before he'd entered the electronics shop, and if his body had frozen earlier or his target had gotten the jump on him, there was a chance that one of them could have been gravely injured, or worse.

If there'd been more people inside, Barnes wanted to think he could have handled himself, but he questioned if his instincts would've remained finely tempered, or if he might've inadvertently gone too far when he was forced to tap into the pain like a companion like he had. He wasn't proud of the potential bloody outcomes that played through his mind's eye in rapid succession. Even though Shuri and the others weren't stepping him through each and every grim possibility, he had no doubt they were well aware of how things could've gone sideways, even if they weren't there in the darkness with him at the time.

If he'd been sent to corner his target — which he clearly hadn't been tasked to do in this particular case — it would have been wiser to wait outside for backup. To avoid the compulsion to handle it on his own.

But even before that, he's chosen to pursue his target against orders. And before that? He'd opted to silence his communications module. He'd split off from Shuri and the others, potentially leaving them open to retaliation or injury, and while Barnes hadn't explicitly put passerbys into the line of fire, on more than one occasion he'd use them to his advantage or to obscure himself from his target. Barnes stepped back minute-by-minute, forcing himself to confront his choices and doing what he could to critically evaluate his behavior against the building blend of urgency and guilt he felt boiling up in his gut like fetid bile. While no one had stated it outright, he got the impression that the answer he offered Princess Shuri might ultimately determine his fate.

But it wasn't the same as when his Handlers used to prompt him for responses. It wasn't a fear of punishment or the clutch of obedience that pressed into him, he realized, but a burning desire to find a way to redeem some fraction of his actions. To show that the trust they'd put in him hadn't been irreparably misplaced.

He remembered the chatter back and forth on the coms and the push and pull of conversation set against the surging pain of the malfunctioning electrical node. He could recall the questions asked of him and his truncated replies. While they hadn't been explicitly lies, he wasn't blind to the fact that they also weren't the whole truth.

No one said a word while Sam continued to rummage through clothing across the room behind him, but Barnes's guilty conscience had a way of circling back on how Barnes had once interrogated him too. How he'd done the same to Ayrthon. It shined a light on how the progression of him getting deeper and deeper into his own head was the uncanny result of a stubborn singular focus that inadvertently ignored the people around him that shared the same fundamental goals. They wanted Shuri safe too, just like he had. They wanted to know if there was a larger threat in play, just like he had, but Barnes had chosen to go about things on his own rather than relying on — and trusting — the people around him.

He'd made any number of well-intentioned mistakes along the way, but in hindsight the first fundamental error in judgment he'd made was as clear now as it was inconsequential at the time. "I told Sam I was fine," Barnes finally volunteered. "Just after I'd jumped the river. I didn't suffer a major injury, but I was aware that my shoulder had briefly malfunctioned. I'd hoped it was a one-off occurrence."

Barnes couldn't see Sam behind him, but he heard his rummaging still. It sounded as though he'd considered interjecting something, but Shuri held up a finger to prematurely still his thoughts. The princess's attention stayed locked on Barnes. "And what would you have done differently?"

"When I was clear of anyone who could overhear me, I would've brought up that the shoulder had acted up," Barnes admitted. "At the time it seemed inconsequential. Then when it got worse, I didn't want its behavior to culminate in a choice between calling me off and allowing me to catch up to you so I could see if you or the others were in danger. But that assumed a straight binary of possible outcomes."

Shuri dipped her head in agreement, but it was Ayo that added, "If you had spoken up earlier, we might've been able to remedy the node's behavior remotely. But we cannot mend what we do not know is broken."

Barnes tensed slightly at the sound of her voice. He knew she wasn't wholly wrong. He'd assumed making mention of the issue might've caused a crucial delay, but he could see now that there'd been other paths forward. Lying and keeping it to himself had only put everything else in jeopardy, even if that hadn't been his intention. His lip twitched as he more softly added, "I know. I should have said something."

Shuri glanced in Ayo's direction and leaned back on her heel. "It's a fair answer. But I cannot know if your responses are merely for our benefit now that your actions have caught up to you, or if you believe them to be true. I think it is important for you to search out the reasons motivating your actions and lapses in judgment, because while we are not angry with you, we are rightly disappointed. For it means we must now be cautious knowing we cannot trust you at your word."

Barnes tried to keep his eyes steady on Shuri's own, but he could see the quiet sadness in her expression. He got the impression he'd given the right answer, but there was no celebration to be found in it. Only a cold, hard reminder that in the pursuit of doing the right thing, he'd inadvertently damaged his relationships with the few people in the world he genuinely cared about. He couldn't blame that on the pain or anyone else. He'd been fully capable of telling the truth, but instead he'd repeatedly skirted around it and he'd have to sit and marinade with those poor decisions.

He found he didn't have the strength to glance to his left and parse Ayo's expression. Even though Shuri had insisted they weren't angry, that was all Barnes could picture burning in her eyes.

Somewhere across the room, Sam pulled a zipper closed. The sound of his feet worked their way back over the hardwood to Barnes's side and Sam held out a light blue folded bundle of cloth like a peace offering with that empathetic look of his. "We've all made bad calls with the best of intentions, myself included. Just think on it. Learn from it. That's the only way you can try and make sure somethin' like that doesn't happen again." He paused a beat before adding, "And I swear half your wardrobe is blue or black," he casually quipped.

Barnes felt his jaw loosen at the gentle injection of humor. "Thanks." He took the shirt and unfolded it, pulling it over his head with cool efficiency. The soft cloth felt good against his sensitive skin and as he tucked the edges of the around his hem over his pants, he caught Shuri stepping away to retrieve a more poignant bundle of cloth nearby: the black, blue, and gold embroidered Wakandan shawl he'd been told was gifted to him by her brother.

Shuri's attention drifted across Barnes to where Ayo stood guard by his elbow. He couldn't see Ayo's expression from his angle, but the shadow that fell over him slowly shook its head. Shuri frowned but returned her gaze to Barnes. "I was not present when my brother first gifted you this, but if he were here now, I know he'd wish you to be reminded the bond we share is not irreparably shattered as it may feel it is in the moment. And as I have said before, I am deeply appreciative of your desire to keep us safe. Though your methods left something to be desired, I will confide that seeking out the knowledge you did admittedly resulted in quenching some of my own lingering concerns."

With that, Shuri took two opposing ends of the shawl and tied a single knot in it. It wasn't as ornate as the pair of friendship knots originally tied into it — the same ones he'd removed before stuffing it in his pocket and then later using it as a blindfold — but he accepted the gift without complaint and pulled it over his head and around one shoulder, silently vowing to do better.

As he used one hand to smooth the rich embroidered fabric back into shape, Shuri blinked and looked down at her Kimoyo Beads.

"Something wrong?" Sam cautiously inquired.

Shuri shook her head, distracted, "No, I'm still waiting on a reply from the Design Center. I've received notification, but not from them." Without further explanation she stepped towards the far end of the room and reached under the drapes, unlatching the window. Seconds later a familiar small silver beetle slipped out from under the drapes while Shuri set the window back as it was and locked it.

While Barnes hadn't explicitly been told that the miniature drone he'd first caught sight of during their chase belonged to Shuri, he'd come to suspect as much. But judging from Sam's reaction, this was the first time he'd laid eyes on it. "Wait. That's your drone?"

The tiny silver creature flitted leisurely over to the center of the tabletop. It hovered in place a foot in the air while its small wings thrummed on either side of it. "It is. An early design, but quite mobile."

"Can I…?" Sam gestured a finger towards it.

A small smile appeared on Shuri's face as she walked across the room and rejoined them at the kitchen table. "Of course. It's nanite-based so it can take on many forms."

"Show off," Sam remarked as the beetle settled onto the tabletop. From this distance, Barnes could finally see the exquisite details that had been programmed into it in order to create an impressive mimic, including a pair of working mandibles and a set of thin segmented antennae. Were it not for the unusual color, it would be difficult to differentiate from a living scarab. The creature furled its wings back under the hardened carapace on its back before politely scuttling closer to Sam with its six articulated legs. When it got close enough, Sam gently picked it up like it was a piece of precious porcelain.

He delicately rolled the beetle around in his fingers, inspecting the armored sections along its underside. He whistled lightly, "Hafta admit, this wasn't at all like what I was picturing, but the mimicry is especially impressive."

He set the beetle belly-down back on the hardwood. As soon as it made contact, the creature came back to life and scuttled towards Shuri, who scooped it up with one hand. When it settled into the center of her palm, the beetle shimmered and reshaped itself into a single unremarkable Kimoyo Bead she casually tucked into her strand. "'Twas unexpected that a casual side project would prove its usefulness so quickly."

"Beyond being used to explore areas wisely out of bounds," Ayo pointedly added.

Shuri waved a dismissive hand in Ayo's direction, clearly ignoring the subtext in her remark. "I've been remotely monitoring the two men. Their recent conversations reaffirm they aren't a threat, and their evening activities have taken them in opposite directions from the safehouse."

She cocked her head at Barnes. "You may be interested to know that Ayrthon has made no mention of running into the man he believes to be the Vigilante nor what transpired in the electronics repair shop."

"I never said I was the Vigilante," Barnes felt it prudent to point out.

Shuri shrugged easily, unconcerned. "In this case, his mistaken beliefs may prove beneficial. While it's far too early to tell if such an encounter will impart meaningful changes in his criminal activities long-term, in the wake of what happened tonight, he chose to turn down an opportunity to 'scope out' a possible location to burglarize in preference for returning home to work on an incomplete job application form."

Barnes got the impression that Shuri's words were an olive branch of sorts. A way of pointing out that even though he'd messed up in more ways than one, his choices may have inadvertently had a positive impact, albeit in a roundabout if unexpected way.

While the news didn't justify or solve the crux of the issue they now found themselves in, deep down he hoped that Shuri was right. That maybe some good would come out of this whole mess.

The reassuring smile on her face briefly faltered as she looked back down to her Kimoyo strand and a bead that had begun pulsing with a soft blue light. She held up a finger and stepped away to her makeshift battlestation on the couch behind him, apologetically adding, "The Design Center just got back to me. Just a moment."

Barnes couldn't see a lot from where he sat with his back to the princess and her makeshift desk, but he had a good view of Sam and that concerned expression of his. It was as if every fraction of ease had suddenly been sucked out of the room while everyone waited for news.

He hoped it was good news. Shuri had mentioned that the lab's preliminary scans appeared to indicate that his mind was still stable, but he wondered if the scientists had been able to use his recent scans to help date the memory he experienced in the alleyway across town or perhaps the order the nails had been grafted into him. If Shuri's scientists had been able to piece together a clearer understanding of HYDRA's methods, then perhaps they could figure out a way to undo the damage.

And if they could do that, then maybe they could delay or reverse the deterioration of his mind before it risked generating irreversible damage within a week's time.

Less than a minute later, Shuri's footsteps crossed the room behind him again. Barnes tried to extrapolate the flavor of the news from the pace of her methodical footfalls, but he couldn't piece together the critical details until he saw her expression fall into her periphery.

He immediately knew it wasn't good news.

Shuri stepped around Nomble and took up position across the table opposite of Sam, lingering behind the seat back of the chair like she was debating the merit of sitting down to deliver whatever update she had. After taking a breath she licked her lips and began, "Rather than walk you through prolonged processes, I think it best to cut to the fundamental implications of our latest findings." Shuri's brown eyes lifted as if she was ensuring everyone around her was paying attention before returning her focus exclusively to Barnes. "Further readings reaffirm that your mind is still deemed stable, and that there has been no perceived regression. This news is reassuring, but we will need to continue to run more thorough tests overnight to ensure the validity of the data. As we have discussed before, it is critical you avoid REM sleep, where it is altogether possible — if not likely — that your mind could destabilize."

The words Shuri had said were all net-positive, which meant whatever she had to say next was anything but. She took another steadying breath before continuing. "Where we have seen worrisome changes are in regards to the window of how long your mind is estimated to remain stable even when carefully following these precautions. What was once calculated to be a little less than a week's time has now closed and is now measured only in days. Even in our best estimates and simulations, continuing to avoid the onset of REM sleep will have no effect in delaying early signs of permanent mental untethering, which is likely to present itself in the form of a cascade of slow-onset cognitive regression.

Only days left…

Barnes's breath caught in his throat as he curled his hands together and struggled to find his voice. "W-Why… did the timeline change?"

Shuri's tone was all apologies, "Our best guess is that it is potentially a result of your neurological system being exposed to the faulty current from the electrical node for a prolonged period of time." Her expression was pained, as if she blamed herself. "I'm sorry the news is not better, Barnes. We are working tirelessly on a long-term solution but I have no new paths forward that I would consider viable at this time."

Barnes was briefly reminded of the conversation about reintroducing the code words in order to potentially stall the degradation of his mind, but he wasn't willing to consider a shallow fate like that just yet. There had to be a better solution.

"...How long?" Ayo's weak voice cut in from just beyond his left shoulder.

"Going off of his prior numbers? Days," Shuri repeated. "Maybe three or four. Perhaps less. We need longer strands of uncompromised data to better establish estimates from recent trends, but we are working to update those simulations now. It is our highest priority," she emphasized.

Sam kept his concerned gaze focused on Barnes, but the weight was heavy enough that Barnes relegated himself to returning his attention to the tabletop. "So my mind's still stable, but don't have as much time left as 'me?'"

"To our best estimates, yes," Shuri sadly confirmed.

The part that none of them were saying out loud but Barnes was fully aware of was that if he'd said something earlier about the electrical node malfunctioning, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he could have avoided inadvertently damaging his brain, and with it — running down the clock on the already slim amount of time he had left.

And he only had himself to blame.

"We'll figure something out," Sam did his best to reassure Barnes. His soft voice was edged with concern and a hint of sadness Barnes suspected he was trying his best to mask. "We still have time left, and you couldn't have a better group of folks workin' to get to the bottom of things."

His words were meant to spark encouragement and reaffirm their commitment to his cause, but Barnes was well aware they still were no closer to resolving the near-terminal issues plaguing his mind than they had been a day ago. If anything, the window of time he had left was coming to a close, and he could feel the weight of it catching up to him.

He hadn't expected a storybook ending. He wasn't even sure he deserved it. But he wished there was more he could do to fight back the creeping fate working its way to ensnare him.

"Does that mean we're headed back to Wakanda?" Barnes found himself asking as he kept his eyes steady on the tabletop. He didn't trust himself to look anywhere else. Even the thought of checking the clock on the microwave felt like it would be a reminder of the time he didn't have.

Shuri's voice was exceedingly gentle. "We will need to return while there is time left to explore more thorough tests in my lab, but the details of that decision are not one that needs to be made tonight. Once we've had suitable time to review the latest data and update the framework for our simulations, I will speak candidly with my team and share our recommendations." Her slender shadow over the table leaned its shoulders back, as if briefly allowing some fraction of the exhaustion she was feeling to seep into her words. "Until then, I suggest we get some sleep. The days ahead of us are due to be long, and it is important we are well-rested for what is to come so that our minds remain clear."

Barnes dipped his head obediently. Reading between the lines, it sounded as though they would probably be headed back to Wakanda in the morning. If that was Shuri's decision, he wouldn't air an objection. He understood he was working on borrowed time, and that the scientists there might be able to diagnose alternatives in person that they weren't capable of with a remote patient. He just wished he could look forward to time back on the mountaintop rather than spending his last days in yet another lab.

But maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe they'd let him see that sunset out over Mount Bashenga he'd heard so much about. Sam had wanted to see that too.

A quiet creak just to Barnes's left prompted him to tilt his head up just enough to pinpoint the source of the disturbance. Apparently Sam had started to push his chair back, but second-guessed himself midway through the act. The two of them unintentionally met each other's gaze, and Barnes could see the pronounced concern wrapped tight in the lines around the other man's eyes and across his forehead. It was so heavy it almost felt like looking in a mirror. "You need anything before you hit the hay?"

"I…" Barnes began. He wasn't sure what he wanted, other than to not feel the way he did. To be able to walk back some of his recent decisions and make better calls. But all the energy bars and water bottles in the world wouldn't help with that. They wouldn't give him back the time he'd lost. Wouldn't add more hours to his dwindling clock.

He dared a peek at the ambivalent numbers on the microwave. Another eleven minutes had passed. "I'm not ready to sleep yet," Barnes confessed.

"I'll take a later shift," Shuri offered as she took a step back from the table. "My mind is wide awake and isn't ready to wrestle with slumber yet either. But you would do well to foster an inclination to chase sleep within the next half hour or so because your schedule will need to remain closely monitored and broken up into at least nine sixty minute sessions."

Part of Barnes wanted to argue that he didn't need all nine. That he'd be perfectly functional with three or four, but Shuri cut ahead of his inner monologue. "It is unlikely that you will be completely under for the full duration of all nine of them, but the data collected during them is especially critical. It serves as a baseline for comparison to your waking mind, so I strongly encourage you to not merely feign sleep." It was impossible to misread the intention in her tone. "As before, these sixty minute sessions will ensure you remain in one of the three stages of NREM sleep, as opposed to the fourth stage — REM sleep — we must strictly avoid so as to not potentially instigate premature mental untethering."

Barnes was aware of Shuri's directions and the reasoning behind them, but he found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on them when his thoughts kept lingering back to the fact that his actions had inadvertently taken days off what time he still had as himself.

Ayo's voice broke through the upheavals in his thoughts. "I will arrange our shifts so that two of us are always awake to ensure Barnes wakes with his haptic alarm each cycle. We do not want him to inadvertently slip into REM sleep."

"I'll stay up to cover the first few shifts," Sam volunteered. "I can catch some shuteye later."

"If you would permit it, my Chief," Yama chirped up from just behind him. "I would seek to share these shifts to ensure there is no delay when our Princess desires rest."

The shadow of Ayo nodded once, but her attention stayed focused across the table. "It's fast approaching 2am. Even those who are staying up would do well to avoid caffeine," Ayo warned.

"Who said anything about caffeine?" an entirely innocent princess countered as she casually strode across the room back to her battlestation on the couch.

Ayo made a low grunting sound in the back of her throat before turning her head towards him. "I'm relieved your mind has been deemed stable, Barnes, but I will need to erect a localized shield as a precaution."

Ayo's choice to address him by name made him immediately tense and straighten his back, and he waited obediently for whatever follow-up command was to come. He wasn't the least bit surprised they would choose to utilize the protective shielding again. He understood its necessity while he was sleeping, but he hated that his own actions had deemed it necessary when he wasn't.

As he watched Ayo take a step back and tap a code into her Kimoyo Bead, an undulating translucent orange dome flickered to life around the table and chairs. But there was a subtle difference from the first time he'd seen the technology initialize, and he quickly realized that perhaps the shield had been present in the room the whole time, only wrapped in stealth so advanced that he hadn't even been able to notice.

But it wasn't his place to ask questions. And he found it wasn't a clarification he needed to know. If one of the Wakandans had thought to place an invisible safeguard for Shuri's well being or their own, he understood why they'd made that choice.

He only wished he hadn't been the cause.

The familiar orange glow separated a portion of the kitchen from the rest of the front room, and Barnes turned his head just enough to trace the perimeter of the boundary. It divided the room roughly in half with Shuri on the far side, and everyone else seamlessly tucked inside the semi-translucent dome. When the princess glanced his way, she sent him what he interpreted as an apologetic sigh.

Yeah. The shield had probably been there the whole time, which was why Ayo had been irritated when Shuri had willingly chosen to step inside the boundary.

The presence of the barrier felt like a step back in their trust of him, but he also understood why it'd been prudent under the circumstances. None of them had known if his mind was stable upon his arrival, and without the node on his shoulder, they didn't have a contingency if something went wrong.

Regardless of if Barnes intended it or not.

"Is there anything that would offer you comfort?" Ayo inquired from just to his left. Her voice was even, but Barnes couldn't help but recall the harshness in her tone in the memories he had of her that he still couldn't catalogue. Even though she showed no signs of lashing out at him in the present, some part of him still braced for the confrontation he was convinced was just around the corner, where she would drive home how he'd not only repeatedly disobeyed her direct orders, going so far as to shamefully sully the gift from her king by using it as a makeshift blindfold.

She didn't even know that he'd even tossed away the stone she'd given him up on the mountain as a distraction when he crossed the river.

Would she be angry about that too?

Maybe if he kept his head low, he could avoid the fire and disappointment that might be burning in her eyes a little longer. Maybe it would fade once they slept.

That's what he wanted to believe, at least.

"No," he answered, not meeting her eyes.

For a second it seemed as though Ayo might've been considering saying something more, but instead she directed her voice behind him. "Yama, Nomble, during your shifts one of you is to remain outside of the dome at all times."

"Yes my Chief," Yama replied, obediently taking a few steps back so that she was beyond the nearest edge of the orange forcefield.

"Nomble, gather your things. Once we've prepared, we will rest and take up later waking shifts."

"My Chief?" Nomble tentatively inquired from just beyond Barnes's right shoulder.

Silent communication must have passed between them because Nomble quickly added, "Might I be able to make tea for us before we retire? Something decaffeinated, of course."

It was an unusual request Barnes hadn't seen coming, but one Ayo easily consented to. "That would be agreeable." As she spoke, her voice drifted away from him as she stepped out of the energy dome. Her departure initially left only Sam and Nomble inside with Barnes, but Nomble smoothly dipped her head and moved around the edge of the table, across the kitchen to the cabinets near the microwave in search of a kettle and then tea. She drew water into the kettle from the faucet and set it into a fixture that looked to be some sort of induction heater like the one Barnes had seen inside his suite with Sam.

Once that matter was attended to, Nomble glanced back in his direction and dropped her measured Dora's neutral for an unequivocally concerned expression that appeared strictly genuine.

Barnes had been around Nomble enough to know that she took her guard seriously and wasn't inclined to speak unless it was absolutely necessary, but he had to admit that he hadn't known if she was angry with him or not. Yama had reminded him that their silence was potentially just well-cultivated focus and not condemnation, but he wasn't so sure. They were all individuals, and it was hard to know where he stood with each of them.

He couldn't remember Nomble ever raising her voice to him, but he wondered if that was what her anger even looked like. But he didn't see anger in her deep brown eyes. He just saw concern, quiet sorrow, and the spaces in between. There was a compulsion to connect, too. He recognized that from their time on the mountain.

Initially his thoughts were elsewhere, but Barnes rapidly realized that the gesture of tea was likely for his benefit as much as their own. The sight of Nomble — still disguised in black and grey fabrics as she was — bustling to collect tea cups and prepare the hot liquid had a way of reminding him of many times high up in the mountains when she'd done the same, or the other times they'd made meals and divided up chores together. They were simple, straightforward acts, but ones he'd only seen from afar in Washington D.C. The fact she and Yama had willed him into being a participant in such rituals was strange at the time, but now he found a part of him longed for those quiet bonds of companionship. For the stories dancing amongst the stars and the curious conversations and polite debates about the proper way to season various foods.

He hoped those memories wouldn't slip from his grasp in a few days' time. That he'd remember why they were more important than the sum of their parts, and that his fragile, damaged mind might choose to cling to them longer than everything he'd experienced when under HYDRA's firm heel.

In passing, it made him wonder if his insistent requests to travel to Symkaria had fundamentally been a mistake. Would the time he had left had been better served away from danger and the lingering questions of the evil that had once taken root here with HYDRA?

Barnes wasn't sure he'd ever know. But even after all that had happened since they'd landed, he still hoped they could make a difference. Maybe the information Ayo and Shuri had shared with M'yra would turn up some answers?

"If you're gonna be up for a bit," Sam volunteered, "did you wanna look at stuff on your phone, or somethin' else?"

Barnes silently debated his options as he spared a glance behind him beyond the perimeter of the orange energy dome and a curious Yama to where their mismatched luggage was presently piled against a far wall next to an overstuffed couch opposite Shuri's makeshift battlestation where she was presently tinkering with the underside of his malfunctioning electrical node. "It would probably be good for me to write down what I saw since I don't know how much longer I'll remember it." He drew together his lips as he added, "If there's time left after that, maybe I can read through the journals I didn't get to for a bit. See if there's anything useful there. If that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Sam was quick to respond as he slid his chair back and walked across the room towards Barnes's ominous black backpack. Sam hefted one strap over his shoulder and walked it back to the kitchen table, depositing it on the nearest empty chair. Ayo opted to gather an armful of gear and made herself scarce by disappearing down the hall towards what Barnes assumed were a series of bedrooms.

"If we're bein' honest? I'm too on-edge to sleep yet either," Sam confessed as he readjusted the weight on the black bag so it didn't topple off the wooden chair.

Barnes eyed the backpack. "Is it best if I… stay at the table?"

Sam blinked, confused. "Where'd you have in mind?"

"The floor."

Sam snorted lightly, and a hint of a smile briefly flitted to the nearest corner of his lips. "Yeah, that tracks. We can sit on the floor. Not a crime."

Barnes hadn't intended for his inquiry to be turned into an invitation, but no sooner had Sam made his remark then he took a seat on the hardwood floor and pulled the backpack down from the chair beside him, sliding it in Barnes's direction.

Barnes did his best to ignore his audience as he did the same, stretching his legs and settling into place. After spending over an hour in one position, it was nice to move his body again, especially now that the majority of the pain had been dislodged. He carefully pulled off his shoes and socks and placed them neatly to the side before he crossed his legs and got comfortable.

"Your foot's looking better," Yama remarked from the other side of the undulating orange energy dome. "It's good to see that your unplanned triathlon did not damage it further."

"Triathlon?"

"That's swimming, cycling, and long-distance running," Sam supplied unhelpfully.

"I know what a triathlon is," Barnes countered, glancing down at his foot. It was hard to imagine it had only been three days since he'd opted to shear his foot through the embedded speartip M'yra had planted in him in a risky bid to escape the Propulsion Laboratory.

"They contain three types of athletics," Yama explained, "and I should think you encountered enough running, jumping, and elevation gain to qualify as climbing." She held up three fingers, "See? Triathlon."

Somewhere on the other end of the kitchen, Nomble snorted lightly, bemused.

It was good to hear their voices again.

Barnes didn't debate Yama's claim as he unzipped the black backpack and rummaged around inside until he located one of the journals with blank pages towards the back. He retrieved it and laid it out on his lap with one hand while the other searched for a pen in the front pocket. Once he found the pen and swapped the cap to the far end, he stared at the lined paper, wondering where to even start.

"...I take it," Sam slowly broached the awkward silence, "that this is one of those times you're not hankerin' for conversation about the details. That sound about right?"

"Yeah."

Sam nodded once in that steadfast manner of his as he put his hands behind him to prop himself up. "Well I'm here if you want to talk about anything, but I can shove off too if you'd like a little space before it's time for your first round of shuteye. Been a long day for all of us."

Barnes considered the offer. "I don't want to talk about it," he confirmed before looking between Sam, Yama, Nomble, and Shuri on the couch in the distance and more tentatively adding, "but… you can stay."

Yama smiled from where she stood guard nearby and Sam nodded once as he got comfortable on the floor. "Sounds good." He paused a moment before adding, "You feelin' silence, or want me to put on some music?"

Barnes honestly hadn't considered the possibility, but he'd dealt with enough loaded silences over the last hour and a half that the thought of music was instantly appealing. Perhaps it would even help ground him against the bitter fears threatening to pull him under. "Music's good."

"Any preference?"

He shrugged, "Dealer's choice."

Sam snorted lightly. "I'll toss it on shuffle. Just let me know if you want me to skip anything." With that, Sam slid his phone out of his pocket and turned on the music app, setting it out in front of the two of them and adjusting the volume to a low and altogether reasonable level.

"You don't have to worry overly about the volume," princess Shuri volunteered from across the room, "the building and floors incorporate noise dampening technologies so as to ensure we are not overheard. The bedrooms have them as well."

"You're gonna have to tell me where I can get a hold of one of those back home," Sam quipped as casually increased the volume to a moderate level in the wake of Shuri's latest remark. In response, a moody instrumental with mournful brass slowly filled the room. The steady tempo and blend of musical accompaniments had a way of weaving close beside Barnes's uneven mood like the swells and bubbling surf of an aching tide.

After Barnes rolled his fingers over another stained journal page in search of a proper setting to write down his jumbled thoughts, Yama resolved to lowering herself to the ground and taking a seat on the floor just beyond the edge of the energy dome, being ever-mindful to obey Ayo's request for one of the Dora to remain outside and presumably on guard.

Barnes wasn't certain if her present posture qualified as 'on guard,' but he didn't feel compelled to inquire about the details.

Yama slipped off her black boots and flexed her feet, keeping watch over him and Sam as she listened to the music and kept tempo with one toe. Though she kept one hand closeby the cylinder of her spear, her manner remained entirely unoppressive, as if this was her unique way of showing quiet solidarity with their cause.

After skipping over a few more pages, Barnes found himself staring at a blank piece of lined paper in his journal, willing his tired mind to foster the motivation to turn his thoughts into something concrete. It was difficult to even know where to begin. It wasn't that the sight of the empty page itself was intimidating, but rather that he had no idea how he could distill his recent experiences into anything remotely tangible or potentially useful. How was he to know what precious details might help them uncover what had happened in Symkaria or diagnose whatever was going on with his mind, and what pieces were just background noise?

His finger and thumb held the pen tip at the ready over the page, but nothing came out. There wasn't a word, sentence, or paragraph that encapsulated what he'd experienced in the last few hours. Even though he wasn't at all in the mood to write anything down, he knew how important it was under the circumstances. It was possible something could go wrong with his mind and he'd lose what little he had.

"There is not undue urgency for you to write," Yama's voice slipped in between the notes of the flowing melody coming from the speaker on Sam's phone. "You could read for a while first. Clear your mind."

Barnes glanced over to her and she shrugged easily. It was a fair recommendation, but the bulk of the contents in the journals weren't exactly easy reading either.

It was Sam that added, "You packed that book with you."

Yama cocked her head. "What book?"

When Barnes didn't immediately object, Sam nodded once and got to his feet, walking through the security dome over to a duffle bag he unzipped and reached inside of, procuring a leatherbound copy of a book Barnes had first seen lying inside of their shared suite in Wakanda. He wasn't clear on its significance, but he'd been compelled to pack it with his other belongings.

Something in their exchange pulled Nomble's focus away from the tea she was prepping on the countertop, "Is that…?"

"There's a dragon on the cover," Sam noted, lifting his eyes to Nomble as he sat back down on the floor next to Barnes and handed him the book.

Nomble's attention floated from Sam to Barnes, and her expression shifted, like an invisible weight pulled at the corners of her face. "'The Dragon Who Learned to Code.' You thought to pack that?"

"I didn't recognize it," Barnes confessed. "But the dragon reminded me of your story."

A hint of a smile ghosted the corners of Nomble's lips. "I loaned to you the day before you woke up in the lab.* It was written during the Decimation, and I believed it to be to your taste."

"A loan?" Barnes frowned in confusion as he inspected the cover.

"It was meant to inspire conversation. That once you read it, we could discuss the story and its contents." Her expression faltered. "But you are not bound to such agreements. It is now a gift you may do with as you please."

Judging by her tone, Barnes got the impression that there were probably numerous layers to the conversation he was undoubtedly missing, and he wished he remembered anything about how their agreement had first been struck. What had the context been surrounding their exchange? Had some part version of him offered her a book or something else in trade too? He had so many questions. "Did I read it?"

Sam tilted his head from side-to-side, "You planned to, but I don't think you started it."

Barnes ran his fingers gently over the pebbled leather and the embellished cover which featured a silver scaled dragon wrapped around what appeared to be an augmented keyboard. It was easily three times as thick as any of his journals, but far narrower. The paper smelled different too. Woodier. Smokey. More aromatic. The scent was oddly comforting, though he couldn't place why.

Barnes wondered what conversations he might've had with Nomble and the others in the day before he'd woken up, but in the moment, he found that didn't matter nearly as much as the fact he could tell the book meant something to her. Though he couldn't recall making her a promise, he quickly determined that it was a task he would embark on. "I'll read it so we can discuss it."

Nomble's reply was soft but genuine, and edged in an emotion Barnes couldn't pinpoint, "I'd like that very much." She nodded and gathered the kettle, cups, and saucers onto a small serving tray and crossed the room towards Shuri.

When Nomble's back was turned and she offered Shuri a saucer and hot cup of tea, Yama discreetly made symbols with her fingers so only Barnes could see them, 'good answer.'

Shuri dipped her head to acknowledge Nomble before refocusing her attention back to her battlestation of research, but Barnes got the impression she was following their conversation from afar. Nomble walked back across the room and set a lidded cup and saucer out on the nearest corner of an end table for when her chief returned from the other room.

Once those orders of business were attended to, Nomble walked towards the edge of the energy dome where she stood outside the boundary holding the tray and visibly debated what to do next. Eventually she resolved to lower herself onto her knees and poured hot tea for Barnes, Sam, and Yama, sharing the cups with all the reverence of ceremony before gently placing the tray onto the ground beside her. She then leaned to one side and removed her heavy boots, placing them outside the edge of the dome before scooting herself fully inside the boundary and crossing her legs where she settled on the floor.

The hardwood wasn't nearly as comfortable as the soil on the mountaintop, but for just a moment, Barnes could almost imagine they were gathered together there.

He knew that it was customary to have someone else pour your tea, and he'd instinctively reached towards the kettle to fill Nomble's cup, but he second-guessed himself and retreated his fingers before he'd made contact. Yama must've caught it, because she tilted her head towards the kettle, as if encouraging to continue what he'd started.

Barnes did what he could to ignore his guilty conscience as he poured the remaining tea cup for Nomble, but when she noticed what he was doing, he didn't sense any sort of upset with his choice. Instead she accepted the cup and saucer graciously, "Thank you. I thought to make a variety of red rooibos tea you might favor. It is also without caffeine." Although Barnes was well aware he still hadn't answered for his recent mistakes, he couldn't find anger lying in wait for him in Nomble's expression.

Nomble didn't choose to engage him with follow-up questions or unnecessary small talk. Instead she adjusted her shoulders and pulled out what looked to be a digital copy of a book over her palm while she sipped her tea. Barnes took her lead and flipped open the first page of the leatherbound book in his lap. It was unrealistic to try and finish it in one session — especially since he'd agreed to try and sleep within the next thirty minutes — but perhaps he could read a few pages and clear his mind before he resumed trying to write things down in his journals.

No one chose to interrupt the sweeping instrumentals coming out of Sam's phone as the five of them sat, listened, and occasionally savored ships of hot tea. It didn't matter that three of them were inside the dome and two were outside of it, or that four of them were sitting on the floor and one was across the room over on the couch still tinkering with a digital projection of that problematic electrical node. What mattered was everything that went unsaid and the spaces inbetween.

As much as Barnes was no closer to answers, some buried part of him recognized that even after all he'd done, he hadn't been abandoned. That the people he worried he'd pushed away in the process hadn't given up on him yet. They might not have said it in so many words, but he felt it.

Barnes's back was to the microwave so he didn't know how many minutes had passed since he'd last glanced at it, but he made it about a dozen pages into 'The Dragon Who Learned to Code' when Ayo reappeared in the doorway across from him. She was dressed from head to toe in her traditional white bedtime linens and lingered in the archway of the hallway as she observed the group seated on the floor a short distance away in the kitchen. While her expression was inscrutable, Barnes was instantly compelled to return his attention focused on the book in his hands, because he was worried about the anger he might see in her eyes if he looked too closely.

"I see you've managed to keep to the spirit of my request, while also skirting nearly all of its implied nuances."

Barnes tensed, unsure of who the comment was intended for, but Yama only offered an easy shrug from where she sat just beside him with one hand encircling her teacup, while the other rested near the cylinder of her spear. "I am specifically outside of the dome, as you requested one of us to always remain."

"Your protocols have been strictly observed," Shuri chimed in from the couches across the room.

Barnes couldn't see the face Ayo made at either remark, but he heard her grumble audibly in reply.

"I left rooibos tea out for you, my Chief," Nomble noted. "If it has grown cold, I can pour you more."

Ayo turned and took notice of the cup and saucer left for her on the nearest end table and circled her fingers around the cup, resting it in one hand. She took a long sip from it before thoughtfully adding, "It is warm and well steeped, but the hour is late. Once you finish your own cup, you should ready yourself to turn in."

"Of course, my Chief," Nomble acknowledged the hint of a command with a bow of her head. She took a last sip from her cup and gently placed it next to the kettle on the serving tray. Then she closed her digital manuscript and rose to her feet, stepping outside of the dome with smooth proficiency. Once there, she walked barefoot across the room and gathered her things, but before she continued down the hallway to prepare for sleep, she lingered beside Ayo in the doorway. Barnes could tell she was conflicted about leaving, and he found a quiet sorrow waiting in her eyes when he looked up at her. "I hope that if dreams find you, that they are restful. You are still deserving of such peace."

Barnes wasn't sure what to say in response, but he caught Ayo shifting her weight off her bad leg. He felt certain her next words were directed at him, "I share in these tidings and beliefs. Goodnight Barnes. Princess Shuri. Sam. Yama. We will speak again in the morning. If there are any changes or updates…" she trailed off.

"—I will not hesitate to see you immediately awoken from your peaceful slumber," Shuri reassured her. "And all of you will promise to not attempt any further 'Sunrise Exercise'-like activities without my explicit awareness and consent." Shuri's tone was no-nonsense.

"Of course, my Princess," Ayo assured her.

"We'll play it smart," Sam thought to add.

Shuri rolled her eyes and flicked her wrist towards Ayo as if to shoo her away.

In response, Ayo replaced her now empty cup onto the saucer and lingered in the doorway while Nomble slipped past her down the hallway carrying the last of her things. For a moment, Barnes thought Ayo might've been building to say something more, but instead she turned and disappeared around the same corner, leaving uncertainty in her wake.

While she hadn't said anything harsh to him, he found he still couldn't shake the anger he'd seen in her eyes, and it made him wonder what lay ahead. He'd known he was potentially working within a limited timeframe, but the idea of having only days remaining where his mind might remain stable added a heavy weight to his every breath. It was a stark reminder that he was rapidly running out of time, and that every waking moment was precious.

He was certain Sam caught the shift in his attention as Barnes gingerly put the book Nomble had gifted him aside and picked up his nearest journal and ballpoint pen. He rolled his fingers around the slender writing instrument in an attempt to refocus his thoughts.

Barnes hadn't gotten far into Nomble's book, but he had to admit that the fantastical nature of the story and growing cast of characters had in fact managed to help him shore up his thoughts in the present. Like the unknown ending to the book he'd just begun, he couldn't know what the future might hold for him, but he knew it was important that he documented what he knew. What he remembered. It had the potential to make a difference and help their efforts in uncovering what had happened in Symkaria. Or perhaps the words he penned down would be something that could offer insight into a confused future version of himself that sought answers for any number of missing pieces.

Maybe when the time came, he'd lose himself but not all of himself.

As he flipped the page and finally drew fresh ink over the thin paper, he tried not to think about how much of himself might still remain in a few days' time.

And if that fragile echo might be so lost that he might not even be capable of reading the letters he struck into the paper with increasing urgency.

Would he even know when it happened, or would it be like waking up from another dream?

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[Chapter 92 Chapter Art, by Elkleggs]

[ID: A painting by Elkleggs showing Barnes sitting cross legged. He is barefoot and is wearing grey pants and a light blue t-shirt with a dark blue, black, and gold shawl over his left shoulder and black and gold vibranium arm. He has a strand of Kimoyo Beads around his right wrist and is looking down intently at a book or journal he's holding in his lap in his left hand. Other books and journals are scattered around him. He is seated against a yellow background. End ID]

Elkleggs created a gorgeous piece of artwork of Barnes reading which was originally meant to connect with Chapter 79: Tattered Pages, but I couldn't shake the feeling that this felt like a different, more private moment where the contents of the journals weren't so fresh, and where they had some added context he could grasp.

While the contents of the journals are often grim, I'd like to imagine that between Nomble's book and the notes he's jotted down by hand, that Barnes occasionally finds entries that spark moments of levity. Perhaps it's an update about whatever hijinx Sam got up to way back, an observation about Steve, or some fluff concerning one of those many stray cats he tended to. Whatever it is: I love the idea that it reminds him that he's not as truly alone as he sometimes feels.

I deeply appreciate this gorgeous painting Elkleggs created to accompany this chapter. I love all of the careful thought and intention she put into it. She completed this piece over a year and a half ago, and it feels cathartic to not only finally work our way to this scene, but to be able to share the associated art with you. Once again: A *huge* to her for bringing this impactful story moment to life, and for all of you wonderful readers for keeping the story alive.

Please check out her Twitter account to see more of her incredible art! (Only 18 and over, please!)

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[Chapter 75 Chapter Art, by Mal (Ghostbite)]

[ID: A painting by Ghostbite showing Shuri and Ayo standing in a window-lined hallway of the Wakandan Design Center. Shuri is seen from the chest up and is wearing a purple jumpsuit and smirking and talking while she looks at the Kimoyo Beads around her wrist. A short distance away Ayo is seen from the hips up. She is wearing her Dora Milaje regalia and is standing next to her spear regarding Shuri with a patient, if unimpressed expression. The window outside them shows a busy daytime exterior view of Wakanda. End ID]

This story has angst aplenty, but I deeply enjoy the moments of levity between characters, and Ghostbite did such a wonderful job creating an illustration for 75: The Five Tenets where Shuri and Ayo were going to check on M'yra, and Shuri was utilizing her tech to dodge having a run-in with M'yra's parents in the process.

Mal did such a wonderful job with their expressions, and I love the warmth and vibrancy of the scene. There is such thought and intention behind her decisions, and it is all woven together into a truly endearing piece that shows the unique relationship these two have.

Please check out Ghostbite's social media accounts to see more of her beautiful and emotive character work!

Once again: A *huge* thank you to both artists for lending their time and skill to capture such wonderful moments in the story.

Please check out this chapter on Archive of Our Own to see all of the gorgeous art and links to both artists' social media pages!

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Author's Remarks:

This has been an exceptionally busy month, and one of the things I've started doing in the background is spending some time each month editing existing chapters of this story to tighten them up to add some additional nuances and tweak sentence flow and overall grammar.

Due to the massive length of this story, I expect it to take me many, many months to edit everything offline, but my intention is to eventually re-populate all of the chapters with those newest changes onto Ao3 and FFnet. Once I finish this very long process down the road, I'll make sure to let you know in case you're interested in a re-read of Winter of the White Wolf with some added polish. It's been especially interesting reading through the earliest chapters, back when I had no clue just how immensely ambitious a project this would become!

That said, I've been really enjoying my latest re-read! Each time it makes me so excited to share what's ahead with you as we start tying some particular threads together…

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In other news, I'm also thrilled to share that I've received a behind-the-scenes promotion while working as the Lead Artist, Seasons, on Diablo IV at Blizzard Entertainment!

I'm incredibly proud of everything we've been able to accomplish as a team, and I'm so excited for what the future holds!

Migrating over from Diablo III and the Diablo Legacy team last year and learning a whole new host of faces, processes, and challenges, was a whirlwind to be sure, but it's been wonderful to find myself settled in and entrenched with a great team who is excited to carve out creative ways to build compelling content together. The collaborative spirit is truly unmatched, and I love all the creepy, deliciously-unhinged stuff we've been working on together that keeps Sanctuary vibrant and interesting. It continues to be a profound honor to help art direct a game and franchise that means so much to me, and I love that I've been able to continue to balance my work-work with my creative pursuits like my personal art projects and this story. And hey? Depending on when you're reading this, we're actually launching our newest game expansion this week, which is really exciting! Diablo IV: Vessel of Hatred.

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We're also in an exciting new era for the MCU! I remember when we first started hearing whispers about Wakanda Forever, I'd worried if and how the contents of that movie might work in symphony with this story, or if it might be so far removed that it would mean this story couldn't sit as nicely with MCU canon as I'd hoped.

In the end, I feel like my story doesn't conflict with the events of Wakanda Forever, but I'll admit I have some of the same worries now concerning Brave New World and Thunderbolts*. I'm excited for both, but I'm curious to see how well they dovetail into some of what I'm planning here. But at the end of the day, I am still passionate about seeing this story through regardless of where they take Sam, Bucky, Shuri, and everyone else in canon. :)

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* - This is in reference to "the Falcon and the Winter Soldier"-era flashback Barnes had during Chapter 87: "Relative Proximity"

* - This is in reference to when Nomble gifted this book to Bucky after their discussion about grief during Chapter 30: "Remembrance"

· Fallout from the Fried Node - While we've had a bit of a ticking time bomb going on for awhile knowing that Barnes only had a week or so where the stability of his mind was generally guaranteed, a big update in this chapter was the news that the prolonged exposure to the current from the electrical node appears to have reduced his remaining time down to merely days. This is incredibly disheartening news, and puts a lot of added pressure on everyone. :(

· Nomble's Book - I'd been debating on when I wanted this book to resurface, and this chapter felt like the perfect opportunity. Nomble's been fairly quiet these last few chapters since she's been focusing so hard on ensuring that Shuri is properly guarded and watching out for Barnes, but it felt wonderful for the two of them to have a short exchange regarding the book she'd loaned Bucky before his brain went haywire. I imagine it's incredibly bittersweet that Barnes has taken interest in taking on Bucky's promise to read it. ;_;

· Chapter Title Origins: The Gravity of Ink - I debated on a few different titles for this chapter, but ended up settling on this one. The title of this chapter originates from Space Pens, and the idea that with the exception of zero gravity pens, most normal pens rely on the pull of gravity in order to propel ink through to the tip for writing. I was thinking about how with everything going on with Barnes's brain, he's in a bit of an awkward state of limbo because he doesn't know what his future holds, and he has all sorts of different issues and worries calling for his attention. But in the midst of all that madness, it's the act of sitting down and being surrounded by his friends that his mind can finally settle down a bit and he can ground himself. Only then can he apply the pressure he needs to finally write things down.

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Say hi and connect with me on social media:

- "KLeCrone" on Twitter and Tumblr

- "Kymba" on Discord

Thank you again for all of the encouragement, questions, kind words, and commentary that help keep this story vibrant and alive. Knowing you wonderful folks are out there reading along truly means the world to me, and I appreciate hearing from all of you!