Chapter 19

The two women sat in shock the day she'd met following Thomas's murder. It was seriously like being pranked. How is it that sitting in front of Olivia, was a woman who looked like the twin she never had? A clone. And while Olivia knew that it was insanely rude of her as did Julia, she couldn't help but stare- neither of them could. If it weren't for the different hairstyles and makeup, they would have sworn they were looking at a reflection.

"It's really amazing how…" Olivia said, never having taken her eyes off of Julia, nor Julia, her.

"...identical we are!" Julia finished. "Alarming, if we're being honest. It's like…"

"...looking in a mirror." They both said simultaneously.

"I'm sorry, are you two done admiring each other, or…" Nick's Captain asked as Olivia and Julia turned to look at her, still in shock, and Nick stayed off to the side, looking as if he were about to shit himself!

Julia laughed, still thinking about that moment when she met Olivia Benson. She was a complicated woman but had strength and confidence that filled the room and Julia could see immediately why both Nick and David made absolute fools of themselves over her. Nick was so relieved that day when the interview was over and had ended without her spilling the beans to Olivia. She would have told him that that wasn't how she operated, but Nick didn't know her. Although he'd fucked her better than she was sure she ever had been or ever would be, twice, he didn't know her character. Once again, she thought of her current situation, and again wondered if she should tell Nick about Chloe; especially now with David being out of the picture. What If Nick was still hoping to be with Olivia-

"It doesn't take away from the fact that he should know about his child; the child that you basically hid from him…" She was thinking when the doorbell suddenly rang.

Julia thanked the messenger who had just delivered an enveloped package to her, and upon tipping him she shut the door and went to her office. Chloe had just been fed and was asleep, and Julia had only five minutes before her conference call was slated to begin.

"We'll take a look at this after." She thought and put the envelope off on the side of her desk.

…

"Yes, I'll be there. Thank you." Olivia quietly said into the phone before she hung up and sighed deeply. It was David's lawyer calling to let her know that the will reading was scheduled for tomorrow morning.

It all seemed so final now. Almost two months and the will was being read to divide his possessions as if he'd never been here at all, and she thought again that maybe he'd still be here if she hadn't been in such a rush to get to Nick that particular morning.

Looking at their wedding picture that David kept on his desk along with numerous pictures of his first loves; their beautiful daughters. There was even a framed sonogram picture of Theo. He loved them all so much, and just the thought that he'd never gotten the chance to hold his son…

"...I wonder how tall he'll be," He'd told her as they waited in the doctor's office

"There you go again," she smiled as he kissed her head. "We don't know yet that it's a boy, and we don't know if-"

"Hey," he said softly and caught her attention. "This is my child, I can feel it!" he said, with a hand on her stomach. "He's mine. And when you say yes, we're finally gonna be the family that we were meant to be."

"He's really gone!" She uttered, almost unexpectedly. It was finally hitting her. There was so much that she should have said to him when there was still time. So many times since that day she wishes that things were different. Did she still love Nick? She supposed she always would, but things had fallen apart with her and Nick and in the process she rediscovered her love for David. And when the DNA test came back and said that he was the father of those babies, she knew that it was a sign that she and David needed to put their family back together. It's why she said yes to his proposal. Touching their wedding picture, she thought about the day they said 'I do' they were so happy, just them and the girls, standing in front of a justice. When he promised to love and be only unto her till death do them part, he meant it, but she took it all for granted.

After she miscarried one of the twins, and he wasn't there, it affected her- more than even she realized. Suddenly, she'd grown cold to David and within weeks she was making plans to leave him for Nick. Thinking now, she nows that she'd been careless with both men's feelings. David only wanted to love and be there for her.

Her tears dropped heavily. "...if I could do it all over again, I swear it would be different!"

"Mommy?" Sophia called softly as she stood in the doorway of the office.

Olivia was wiping the tears from her eyes, but they kept coming,"Soph…"

"I finished the letter." Sophia said, slowly looking around the office from where she stood at the doors' threshold. She hadn't seen this office in almost two months, since the last time she and Aria were in here laughing with their dad.

Olivia sat the picture in her hand back in place on the desk and responded with a surprised oh. She didn't think that her daughter would have finished writing it so quickly. She didn't even know that a nearly eight-year old could get their thoughts together so quickly.

"Can I see it?" Olivia asked, but Sophia just stood there in the doorway, as still as a statue, and her big blue eyes getting misty. Olivia quickly realized the effect the office was having on her girl and quickly put the picture back in place on his desk, wiped her eyes again and hurried to the door. Sophia threw her arms around her mothers waist and buried her head against her stomach, and Olivia quickly hugged her tight, fighting her own tears.

"Sophia…it's alright." She said softly.

"but it's not, mommy!" the child cried against her mother. "Daddy's not coming back, he'll never hold me and Ari ever again,"

"No, he won't, baby. And mommy wishes she could give that back to you and your sister."

"I wish there were a Santa Claus, then I could ask for daddy back,"

This came as a surprise to Olivia "You don't believe in Santa?! When did this happen?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood. It worked

"Mommy, I'm almost eight." the child smiled briefly as she looked up at her mother.

"you are, aren't you? And so much like your dad, you both are."

"Really?"

"Really. I remember for so long when you both looked like me, but now, all I see when I look at you two is your father."

Sophia thought about what her mother said. "Is it hard momma"

"Is what hard?"

"Seeing daddy in Ari and me when he's not here anymore?"

"Honestly, it does hurt sometimes. But, my sweet girl, It's the very best thing in the world to see him through who he loved most."

"Me and Ari?" Sophia asked, this made her so happy as Olivia nodded.

"The two of you were his pride and joy. He loved being your dad more than anything else in this world, and you have to keep that with you, and know it always."

Sophia hugged Olivia tight just as Theo began crying over the monitor.

"He never misses a mealtime. How about while I feed him, you can show me your letter?"

Sophia slowly shook her head no, then looked up at a disheartened Olivia. "...but you can take the letter…" she said and reluctantly handed it to Olivia. "don't read it, please. It's just for Mr. Corn " She said before she disappeared down the hall.

…

"Okay, if there's nothing further…" Julia said into the telephones speaker before saying goodbye and ending the call. Checking the baby's monitor and seeing that Chloe was still asleep, she grabbed the monitor and headed for the kitchen.

She decided on a smoothie, along with a salad for lunch and sat alone and in quiet as she ate and then halfway through her meal, she suddenly remembered the envelope again and got up, taking the half of her smoothie that she gadnt yet drank and went back to her office. She had settled in her chair, taking a long sip from her glass before she opened the envelope and came across a note.

My Dearest Julia,

Your father made me promise to give you this only upon both his and your mother's deaths. When you use it, if you need anything, I'll be here!

Always,

Uncle Roger

Roger wasn't actually her uncle, but he was an honorary one. He was her father's confidante and best friend. And had been by his side almost every day until his death. Roger had remained close to her and her mother up until… She immediately was drawn to tears, still not able to admit to herself that they were both gone now.

She wiped her eyes, and looking down the letter, Julia saw that there was a small envelope attached to the bottom. She also noticed on the small envelope that there was something scribbled on it- it was the name of a bank, Bank of New York.

"What's this?" She wondered out loud as she detached the tiny envelope from the letter.

Opening it, she emptied the contents into her hand and was surprised when a single key came out. She recognized the key; not that particular key, but she knew that it was a key to a safe-deposit box.

It was too late to visit the bank today, but she was determined to get there tomorrow to see what her father insisted be given to her only when he and her mother were gone.

…

I sat in my room, refusing to come out and I did nothing but think. I had no idea, again where I was, though I believed that I was close to where I had been in Damian's house. Looking out of the only window in my bedroom, a huge window, just like the ones at Damian's house, I could see that the grounds looked eerily similar. From this room, I could see the garden, and although I hadn't seen the entirety of it during my time in the other house, it looked like Damian's garden the way it was lavishly overdone with fountains and statues.

I swore that most rich people had no taste.

Did Damian…no, he couldn't; I mean I guess he could. But why move me to another house on the same estate? There's literally no one in that house, and it's palatial; he has room for all of us and then some.

"...six other girls here…" she remembered that he told her.

Seven women including myself. Seven of us trafficked, raped, beaten and now pregnant. There had to be a way out. I was bringing a life into the world, and I couldn't let it be born into this… I couldn't let it be born.

I wondered just how many babies had been sold, and exactly what happened to them? They couldn't have all been sold to horrible people with bank accounts bigger than God's, but of course they were. They'd all gone to horrible people, just like the ones who'd slaved me and all these other women.

I'd spent the entirety of my short time here so far alone- what little time I was alone, with people coming in to bathe me, feed me, bring me tea…

I'd been thinking of some way out of this mess. Maybe I needed to get out of this room, scope out my new digs, only this time, I wouldn't try to seduce the guards. Damian had those fuckers in his pocket, and why not? With access to the women they kept hostage, it was like paradise.

Sick fucks! I thought, remembering how they'd raped me for hours at Damian's command until he deemed that it was enough and had them stop…

Tomorrow, definitely tomorrow. I'd start fresh. For the remainder of today however, I had to finish searching this room. There had to be something, somewhere in here. Maybe a…

The door suddenly opened and in came Damian. I hated that we didn't have locks on the inside of the rooms; not that it would do much good against a man of his size. I was thankful in that moment that I hadn't been caught searching and was sitting at the foot of the bed when he walked in. He looked good in his…

Are you fucking kidding me, Amanda? He looks good...really?

"I'm told you haven't been out of your room today," he said as he shut the door and walked towards me. "Why is that?"

"I don't feel up to it,"

"Are you ill?" He asked, reaching to feel my forehead. I had to think quickly.

"No," I said. I hated when he touched me. "Just a bit saddened."

"Oh?" He asked, seemingly piqued.

"I hadn't counted on leaving your home so suddenly, and I guess I'm depressed."

"Are you now?" He caressed my face, smiling. "That's good, because I brought you something," he said as I noticed him undoing his cuff links. "...and it looks like you're excited."

He hinted at my nipples which were rock hard, before he grabbed me by the neck, his size engulfing me. He pulled me up and gently pushed me against the wall, holding me there while he looked up and down my body, biting his bottom lip.

Taking his time, I trembled as he took a lock of my hair, sensually brought it to his nose and smelled it, his eyes rolling up in his head as he did so. Coming back, he slipped his hand inside the opening to the barely there dressing gown I wore and fondled my breasts. He leaned in and bit, then sucked hard, causing me pain but so much pleasure!

I hate myself once again. For my body feeling this way...for responding in the way I did as I start to undulate; my breathing becoming erratic. I can hear the sound of my heart beating in my chest and it gets louder each time he touches me in any way. With his hand on my throat, it's hard for me to breathe, but still I want him in spite of the fact that he's violating me.

"I've never wanted any of my girls the way I want you!" He said before he began to nibble at my neck and brought my legs up around him. In one quick motion, he forced himself into me and began thrusting with wanton abandon.

And in that moment, I wondered, would I, if I ever got away from this…this life, this system of violence and abuse, would I be able to just be normal again? Could I ever go back to just being Amanda Rollins?

…

In the girls room, Aria was getting ready for bed and had just packed her book bag when Sophia came from the bathroom in her robe.

"Soph, how long are you going to stay home?"

"Mommy said it's time for me to go back, so..."

Aria felt a twinge of excitement run through her. "Really?" She couldn't help smiling.

"I guess,"

Aria let off a "yes!" as she made a motion with her hand, and for the first time in weeks, Sophia laughed. Slightly, but it was there. "You act as if you don't have friends at school…"

"Yeah, but they're not the same as you. Anyway, I'm gonna go and say goodnight to Theo." Aria said and turned to walk away. Sophia stopped and turned back around to Aria who was about to leave the room.

"Ari…" Aria took her hand from the knob of the door and stopped. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It's okay," Aria said, turning to her sister.

"It's not, I was really mean and I'm so sorry. If I'm ever mean to anybody, I never want it to be you. We're like the same person, and well, I love you!" She said as she threw her arms around Aria, who stood motionless, her arms at her sides and not believing this turnaround from her sister. "You're my best friend in the whole world!"

"You're my best friend in the whole world too!" Aria told her sister as she hugged her tight. Moments later, Olivia walked in carrying Theo.

"Alright girls, time for bed."

"Theo!" Aria cried happily, reaching for him. Olivia gently handed him to her.

"Mommy, can we sleep in your and Daddy's bed?" Sophia asked, both she and Aria pleading."

"I suppose…"

Out in front of Olivia's building, Nick sat in his car debating whether or not he should go up. One one hand, he wanted to share the news about his job offer with her; there was no one else he could think of that he wanted to tell first, even if it meant that he'd be moving to Paris- that part conflicted with him. That, and the fact that he'd kissed her just yesterday.

Upstairs at Olivia's, she was in the kitchen, about to turn on the blender when the doorbell rang. Popping a grape in her mouth, she hurried to the door, and was surprised to see Nick after the kiss they'd shared tge last time he was here.

"Nick. I'm sorry, were we supposed to-"

"No. No, I just… honestly, I didn't know who else to share this with and I wanted it to be you." He said, causing an awkward moment between them. He wanted so badly to scream I love you! And she wanted to jump into his arms and just lose herself; forget all the outside noise and just... "-unless this is too weird; You know what, it is. I knew I shouldn't have come, it's too soon after we- I'm gonna go!"

"Nick, really, it's fine," she said, unsure, but not wanting things to suddenly be weird between them. "Come on in."

"You're sure? Cuz I could-"

"Nicolas, we're okay. Please…" She assured him before he apprehensively walked in. "I'm actually glad you came by, I need to apologize."

"If it's about the kiss, please don't. I'm the one who's at fault-"

"not entirely. All these months I know now that I've been taking your feelings for granted, and I'm sorry."

"Taking my feelings for granted, what is this?"

"This is me finally coming to the realization that I've been selfish."

"Liv, don't do this. You're still grieving, and I kissed you. It was wrong of me. You were just responding, and I don't hold you at fault. It's okay."

"Nick-"

"So, the girls are asleep?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"You just missed them by about ten minutes, actually. Sophia's going back to school tomorrow."

"Wow, that's big!"

"It is, but I think she's ready," she said, feeling the moment growing beautifully tense. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, no I'm fine."

"Okay, well, I'm having a snack in the kitchen. Gotta keep the calories up…" she grinned.

"Yeah, I'll join you and we can talk; if that's alright."

Later, in the kitchen, over smoothies, peanut butter and cheese, they're was actual laughter going on.

"God, it feels so good to laugh again!" Olivia said while wiping tears from her eyes from laughing so hard.

"It feels good to hear it…" Nick said, but quickly decided that it sounded way too flirtatious and quickly changed the subject. "I gotta tell you, this smoothie is actually really good!" He said as he finished the last of it.

Olivia caught a lighthearted offense "What do you mean, actually?"

"The icky stuff you've been known to dabble in- green smoothies?"

"They're healthy!"

"They're disgusting is what they are!" He laughed. Olivia took on a sullen look.

Swirling her smoothie in her glass, "David would say the same thing."

"Smart man…" he sais then took on a more somber tone when he saw tears fall from her eyes, though she quickly wiped them away. "...I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. Regardless of any animosity he or I may have had, David was a good guy."

And just that fast, Olivia was reminded again of what was coming. Looking downward, she announced,

"His lawyer is reading his will tomorrow morning."

"Liv,"

"…and I'm seeing his killer the day after." She was trying to keep her emotions at bay, but not doing a very good job at it.

"Are you sure that's the best thing to do right now? I mean, it'll be hard enough to hear his final wishes."

"No," She was honest. "...but if it keeps my little girl from insisting that she confront this man…"

"Sophia…"

"She begged me to let her see him. She wanted to ask him why, and of course I tried to talk her out of it, but when she asked if I could go for her…"

"It's amazing how we'll put ourselves through hell if it means sparing our kids pain."

"I can't look at him, I can't even be in the same room with him, but Sophia's gone through so much because of him, she and Ari both have, and they need normalcy now more than anything."

"I'm sorry that you have to deal with this now, I know you're not ready,"

"I was going to have to eventually, I guess. I don't know, it seems like it was meant- confronting the man who killed their father. I'm sorry. You came here to talk to me and I'm carrying on,"

"It's fine, Liv,"

"No, please. Whatever you came to say will take my mind off this, at least for a while."

Though he wasn't sure that it would be good where her mind was going. But he needed to tell her. How was this woman sitting here in sweats, no makeup, with her hair a mess and yet she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever…

I got a job offer. A really incredible job offer, one that's so incredible, I already said yes."

"Wow, that's great, Nick. Let me be the first to congratulate you!"

"Liv, the job…it's in Paris."

"Paris…" The look that came over Olivia's face. Shock. Utter shock, pain, heartache, though she tried to conceal it. She couldn't form words for a moment.

He was leaving her.

…

As Damian sat on the edge of the bed getting dressed, I lay back, naked against the pillows, my body a virtual map of how ferociously we'd fucked and now I just lay there spent and sore, everywhere. Still, my mind couldn't leave where it had been since I found out that I was pregnant, and so I bit my lip and took a deep breath, not knowing if I'd be hit or even beaten for stepping out of my place, and I very trepidatiously asked him.

"...when this child is born, will I lay eyes on it?"

Damian put on his shirt before he answered. And I flinched when he turned slightly, thinking that he'd knock a second tooth out of my still sore mouth.

"it'll serve no purpose for you to see it." He said matter-of-factly and continued dressing as I relaxed a bit.

"What will happen to it?" I was feeling brave.

"It will be sold."

"For?"

"You desire to know the dollar amount?"

"I desire to know the purpose."

Damian turned to me, sporting a look that told me I shouldn't have asked, "You really want to know?"

I got up on my knees. "Please."

And just that fast his huge hand came across my face, knocking me back, my legs flying into the air as my hand tried to catch the blood now pouring from my nose.

"You are my whore!" He said in a low, but ominous tone as he grabbed me around the neck. "You spread your legs when I say, take as much cock as I say; when I say, and the only thing you are ever allowed to ask or know is if I am satisfied. Is that understood?!"

"Yes, Damian." I gasped, barely able to breathe.

"Good. Now clean yourself up!"

He said as he threw his handkerchief at me and continued out of the room while I lay thinking how I could not go through with this pregnancy, even if it costs me my life!

Outside, Damian spoke with the house manager.

"Put a guard on her, round the clock. She's not to be left alone, even for a second!"

"Yes sir, how long?"

"Until she gives birth, is that clear? She losed that baby, i lose money, and if I lose money…i dont like to lose money!" He ordered, striking fear into the house manager before he left the house.

…

Tbc…