A/N: Usually prefer to keep things as close to canon as possible, but in this case I added an interval of a few days in between the visit to District 8 and the one to District 12. This chapter deals with a few heavy subjects, though I don't think it would be more mature than it is already to be expected from THG books.

Eliza's whole body ached from training and the dreadful afternoon spent cleaning, but at least skipping dinner gave her enough time for a nap. It was a shame Sabrina interrupted it by getting to their room early and extremely excited to chat about her first day of internship at the hospital.

Eliza slipped away from her as soon and as politely as she could, walking over to Gale's room convinced she was making a mistake. She knew already that spending time with him wasn't going to help suppress the idiotic romantic feelings she'd been brewing for forever. However, she also couldn't help it. His invitation at the elevator had been too tempting, and she fooled herself by thinking going there to study was probably the most responsible thing to do anyway.

She knocked on his door to check if he had returned to his room, before trying to open it with her own key. As she was about to take it out of her pocket, the door was open.

"Hi."

"Hey. I wasn't sure you would come," Gale said, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, if you were going to sleep I can—"

"I wasn't, it's fine." He left the door open, and Eliza closed it behind her, sitting at the desk like usual. She opened her textbook and decided to treat herself with only math exercises that night, leaving the dreadful Nuclear History revisions for a day where she didn't already feel like blowing herself up.

"Did you even eat? I didn't see you again at the canteen."

"Hum..." She flipped through the pages, thinking of a way to mask the truth. "I ate with Erica in the hospital's canteen."

That had been two days before, so it wasn't exactly a lie.

"And you're gonna study now? It's almost ten."

"I just woke up from a nap." When it occurred to her that his whole invitation had been mere politeness, or that he hadn't expected her to come so late in the evening, she turned back to look at him, "I mean, only if it doesn't bother you. I can just be back tomorrow or—"

"No, it's not that." He sat facing her with a frown, "I just thought maybe you wanted to chat about...you know."

"Oh, I..." Well, she did. At least at first. But the more Eliza weighed in on it, the more wallowing around in her memories of Joni sounded like moving backwards instead of forwards. In a way, just like the negative progress she was making with overthrowing her feelings for Gale.

"Never mind, I need to get up early anyway." He said, grabbing his sleeping clothes and raising his eyebrows in her direction. Eliza took the hint and turned her back towards him again.

"We're going to District 12 tomorrow." He stated, a few seconds later, as if he was talking about the dinner menu.

Eliza remembered not to look back at him at the last second, letting out in shock, "Again?!"

"Yeah. They want to film more promotional videos of Katniss. Of the rebellion, I suppose."

Eliza was about to speak when she remembered the last conversation they'd had in those very same circumstances. "I'll not comment if you're just gonna get mad at me like last time."

He huffed, and then said right after, "I wasn't really mad."

Eliza just snorted and shook her head in response.

"Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But I thought about it and I kinda get what you meant. I'm done by the way."

She rearranged on the chair, watching as he sat on the bed with his back pressed on the wall, crossing his arms as usual.

"And you're gonna go to 12 anyway?"

"It's not like last time. We're just gonna walk around and they'll interview Katniss here and there."

"That's exactly like the last time. And look what happened."

This time he snorted, "Eliza, at some point we'll have to take a few risks, or things will never change. We can't sit here forever."

She pressed her lips together, holding back her tongue so she wouldn't say something she could regret.

"Besides," he continued, "I'd never let Katniss go into this alone."

There it was.

Eliza clicked her tongue, turning to her book once again.

"I can't imagine what it has been like for her." She hoped it sounded more sympathetic than she felt at that moment. "After everything with Peeta and the baby, it must be—"

"The baby?" She turned to him once again, noticing his surprise. His brows relaxed once he understood, "Oh, you mean...You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"She was never pregnant. They invented it at the last minute to get sympathy from sponsors."

Eliza's mouth was open for a few seconds before she noticed and shut it.

"You really had no idea?" He continued once she shook her head, "I guess it makes the story a bit less tragic."

"Not really," she mumbled through her hand covering her face, "I just told her today that I was sorry about the baby. She must think I'm such an idiot."

Gale laughed, "I don't think so. She even said at dinner that you're much smarter than you seem."

He smirked under her glare, leaving Eliza to guess if he was being serious or not. That ultimately got her to turn back to her textbook.

"You've got no right to make fun of me. I guess I'm gullible to propaganda. So what? If your brother's right, you're just as bad at math as him. But you don't have the excuse of being twelve."

Gale didn't answer. But a few seconds later, his pillow hit the back of Eliza's head, sending her pencil through the page and plucking a gasp out of her. It took her only a second to quickly grab the pillow from the floor and throw it back at his face.

At least that was her intention.

"Really, I'm barely a yard away." He kept the mischievous smirk on his face, grabbing the pillow from where it laid on the bed, having missed him for a few inches.

"I just didn't want to hurt your pretty face when you're about to be on TV." Eliza was sure she blushed once she said it, but it didn't matter since the pillow got thrown to her face again. "Ouch," she let out, together with a chuckle.

It was clear she wasn't going to get any studying done, so that time she kept the pillow to herself, placing it on the chair, and slouching over it, her face resting on her hand. Then she braced before risking out, "You're nervous about tomorrow."

Gale looked away and crossed his arms again, "Maybe."

Eliza had a whole list of reasons she could spit out to try to convince him to stay instead, but she also knew it wouldn't make a difference. So she just asked, "Well, what d'you think will be the worst about going there?"

His lip twitched at the question, and Eliza was hit with a tinge of surprise. Maybe he didn't like her implying he was afraid. Or maybe he really was, and didn't know how to admit it.

"I don't know exactly." He shrugged, still not meeting her eyes, "Maybe everything. I thought I was ready the last time, but..."

"I don't think anyone will ever be ready for that." She conceded.

"I know that, but I also can't stop thinking... I just really want this to work. I know you don't agree," he looked at her, "but I really think we're very close to making a real difference. That also means that whatever we do from now on will be crucial."

"It's not that I don't agree with the rebellion," she started, "but I also can't help feeling cautious. Do you remember when we talked about how some things here seem too good to be true? What if you end up replacing Snow with someone made out of the same mold?"

Gale huffed with annoyance, making Eliza adjust in her seat.

"It'll still be an improvement. If nothing else, at least there won't be any more Games. And I believe that if there's any chance for it to work, this most definitely is it. Have you heard of the weaponry they have here? They've been plotting this thing for years. Beetee was showing me some of it the other day, like the bows we used in District 8. All of that, plus the insight on the Capitol they got with Plutarch and the others coming here. And now Katniss..."

"That's also what I'm afraid of. How is using Katniss that different from using tributes to flaunt the Capitol's message in the Districts? They're giving you all this responsibility but..."

"But at least now she speaks on her own terms. She isn't being held at gunpoint, nor is her family. And she actually believes in what she's saying. It's not the same as walking around in a dress and pretending you're the Capitol's warrior princess."

"No, but it's walking around as if she's a warrior ready for combat, when she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I just caught her sleeping in a closet, for Heaven's sake!"

Gale kept his lips pressed as she spoke, coming back with, "So what would you rather have us do? Stay here and have other people go in our place?"

"No, it's not like that, it's just..." It was a bit like that. Eliza didn't want to admit it out loud, but the biggest part of it was the selfish desire of granting he was safe, and not walking around bombsites. He was barely an adult, was it really that crazy to wish for?

At his third loud exhale she decided it was best to just end it there, wondering if he was trying to hold himself back from lashing out at her.

"Look, we're not gonna agree, fine. And I see your point. If that's really what you want to do... I guess I'll thank you for your service, Soldier Hawthorne." Then she threw the pillow again, aiming straight at his face and catching him by surprise. "I'll keep the establishment clean while you're away."

He caught the pillow fallen on his lap and snorted, "Then I'll thank you back for your service, ah...what's your ranking? Special Cleaning Agent Burrich?"

Eliza laughed, getting up to stretch her muscles from sitting in the weird position on the chair.

"Just Eliza works fine. The mess I cleaned earlier today made me feel the furthest thing from special."

She motioned to sit back, but Gale interrupted her,

"You can just sit here if you want. Unless you're really going to study now."

Eliza spared a look at the abandoned textbook on top of the table, and decided she could do with a bit more chatting, ignoring all the red flags in her mind warning her that it was a bad idea.

Gale moved a bit to the side, opening more space for her to sit on the bed. It was not like they were touching, or that the room was that big that it made much of a difference, but somehow it felt much more intimate than before.

Eliza watched as Gale stretched his legs in front of them, placing his feet on the chair and took the opportunity to ask, "Mindy asked me about it the other day and that got me wondering...If things in the District would have been different, how we'd have turned out."

She took a glance at his face, noticing the dark circles around his eyes. Still, he didn't look sleepy as he answered. If anything, she was the one beginning to feel her eyelids heavier, her body starting to relax.

"Before we were out of there, I thought about that everyday." He started. "What if things were different, what if the Games never existed, but... I never thought I wouldn't be there. I guess I'd eventually work in the mine, get married and... and all that but, on my own terms."

"But what if you could do something other than working in the mines?" Eliza tensed up thinking about being stuck there twelve hours a day, and imagining that was what one had to look forward to for the rest of their life.

"It's difficult to think about it like that. I guess soldier would be the closest thing to what I really want, but that wasn't really an option before. And we already know how you feel about that."

He made a quick movement towards the pillow, but this time Eliza was expecting it and got her hand up right before it hit her.

"Look at that, you're actually making progress," he poked her torso as she placed the pillow on her lap, protecting it from his grip.

"You're just predictable." Eliza let out with a smug snort, "But what about when you were little? You wanted to be a rebel even then?"

Gale chuckled as if remembering something funny, "At some point I wanted to be a fireman. My father had an old toy of a fire truck from his childhood. I did the usual kid's thing of carrying it with me everywhere I went, for a while." He scratched his forehead with his thumb and exhaled loudly, "I passed it on to Rory eventually, and he basically did the same, except one morning, before dad went to work, he gave it to him, in case he needed to put out a fire on his way home." Gale looked at her when asking, "There had been that fire near the town square recently. Do you remember it?"

Eliza nodded. A whole building burned to the ground, and a few other houses in the vicinity suffered along with it. It wasn't that unusual in District 12, or most of the poorest Districts. The construction work was mostly weak, with low maintenance, and especially prone to fire hazards or flooding. You could even expect the occasional collapse.

"Dad started to take the toy to work in his pocket, and Rory made a point of checking it every day before he left." Gale shook his head, "The mine exploded a few weeks later."

Eliza held her breath for a second, looking at him and noticing the familiar expression on his face, the one she'd seen the time they sat together by the lake. She knew there wasn't really anything one could say to ease the pain of someone's absence, but she still let out a mumbling "I'm sorry," and dared to put her hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

Only as an afterthought did it occur to her that Gale could feel uncomfortable by the touch of her crooked fingers, making her recoil them back a second later.

They sat a moment in silence, until he shook his head and let out in frustration, "It's amazing how it all ties back to the fucking Capitol. If the security measures weren't shit, he wouldn't have died. If we weren't starving, he wouldn't have had to work there. So much would've been avoided if not..." He put his feet on the ground, hunching over himself with his elbows on his knees and swaying a hand across his face. "It gets difficult not to want it."

"What, exactly?"

"Just...Revenge."

Eliza pulled back from the wall as well, crossing her arms and staring at the sudden shadow that seemed to loom over him. The sight of him sprawled on the square made her flinch, as it did every time it flashed her mind.

"Well, you, more than most people, have reasons to want it."

"And you don't?" He sounded almost bemused.

"What do you mean?"

"With everything that happened to you! Cray and all, I just assumed you would."

He sounded the most irritated she had probably ever seen him, but Eliza didn't even notice. She'd frozen in her seat, her eyes wide open as she whispered, "How do you know about that?"

She never spoke about it to anyone other than Erica that one time, and she knew there was no way she would have betrayed her trust.

"I-hum..." Gale hesitated, which was rare, and scratched the back of his neck, "I heard him brag about it to other guys once." He cleared his throat, "Honestly, it was so fucking disgusting, I..."

Disgust. That was a good word for it.

"I can't believe this," she let out in a mumble. The memories she fought so hard to avoid flooded her mind as she tried to keep breathing, staring at the wall in front of them.

But she couldn't really see it. The walk to Cray's house that evening flashed before her eyes. Her body had ached everywhere, weak from hunger. Every inch of her knew she would regret it, but at the same time, begged her to do whatever she could to get something to eat.

Eliza sank her face in her hands, but she wasn't even crying. Why did Gale have to know? How unfair was that? It was bad enough that she had to live with what happened, but others knowing how low she'd let herself go made her skin crawl.

Her heart was racing as if trying to fly out of her chest when she managed to ask, "How long have you known?"

At some point he'd gotten up, placed the chair in front of her and sat. His hand took a tissue from the box on his nightstand and then handed it out to her. Only then did she realize the tears had started spilling. "It was a few years ago. I'm such an idiot, I don't know why I would ask that. It's none of my business, I'm so sorry."

His tone surprised her enough that she raised her head to look at him. She expected disgust or something worse. Something like the look she'd seen on Greasy Sae's face when Eliza had gone to her with the money Cray had given her. She commented something about how rare the kind of high value note Eliza handed her was in the Seam, the end of her statement tainted with interrogation. When Eliza didn't explain any further, she just dropped an extra ladle of soup on her plate, and the pity on her face said it all.

Gale's eyes, however, now met her with the same worry he'd put on a few hours before, just outside the elevator. She wanted to say something to assure it was fine, but the tears she couldn't stop whipping away left no room for deception.

"I'm fine. Please don't look at me like that."

He seemed to wake up at her remark, blinking and shaking his head.

"No, you're right. I'm sorry, I don't…I don't know, I just…" He scratched the back of his neck in discomfort, "I'm sorry I asked. It wasn't my place to. I just wish I could do something about it or—"

"There's nothing to do. Cray's dead." Eliza stated, discarding the damp tissue and taking another one from the box. "You must think I'm pathetic, right? I do hate myself for it, but the thing is... I had no one to teach me how to hunt or bake bread or whatever else. My hand was shattered. I couldn't sew or work for months, and my father, he...it doesn't matter. I did what I had to do." Eliza tried to sound sure of it as she spoke, but her voice came tumbling down, and she felt breathless by the end.

She had to reach for another tissue, and Gale asked, his head moving with a hint towards her crooked hand, "That's the one, right?" She nodded, and he startled her by extending his own to touch hers. "I think I remember seeing you with a cast for a while."

"Mrs. Everdeen helped me with it. My mother had died a few months before."

"I'm sorry" and the look in his eyes made it impossible for her not to believe that he really was.

They spent a few seconds in silence, as he traced the silhouette of her crooked fingers with his fingertips and finally added, "For the record, I would never think you're pathetic, especially not because of this. You did what you had to do, just like you said. I don't think there are many things braver than that. You could've begged, stolen something, but you didn't want to put anybody else at risk. But you were the one who was wronged. How can you hate yourself for that?"

She swayed her eyes away from his, unable to hold his gaze, and already feeling her chin begin to tremble again.

"Because I...I sold myself. And nothing has been the same since then." Her head was starting to hurt, and Eliza didn't know how much more of that conversation she'd be able to take. "And maybe it is weird that I don't want revenge for it, but…it's hard to blame it on the Capitol, when I see the clear image of the culprit everytime I close my eyes." A loud gasp escaped her. "My father made my life a living hell, and he's also dead now. What good will it do to dwell on that? It's not gonna make me feel better, because I know nothing I could do to him would ever be enough to undo everything that happened."

Gale's grip on her hand tightened and he exhaled loudly, as before. When she couldn't say anything else, covering her face with her free hand, he got up, sitting by her side once again, his arm surrounding her and bringing her close.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, even if hesitantly.

Eliza was grateful that he was there, that he was trying to make her feel better. But what was done, was done. The door to her den of memories was now wide open, and all of its putrid content would take a while to be slammed inside again. In a split second, it was too much for her to take in. Her eyes shut close, feeling his body heavy as a log, with branch-like arms surrounding her, playing with the memory of a sticky and warm breath on her skin.

"I have to go," she tried to say, but what came out wasn't more than a few whimpering sounds mixed in together. She stirred away from Gale, more aggressively than either of them expected.

"Eliza, wait, I'll take you there or—"

"No, please just let me go." Gale let go of her hand at once, as if he hadn't even noticed he was holding it, and she fled the room without another word."