06: Cinnamon rolls.

Sunday, April 9, 2017, early in the morning

"What do you want?" Orochimaru asked, smiling at me motherly.

"Mhhhhh," I grumbled, my head buried in my arms. "Just a tea, please."

"I have wonderfully fresh, very juicy cinnamon rolls on the menu today," he purred in a resounding tone. "Just for you, honey."

I pulled my head out of my sweat jacket and blinked tiredly at the tall, scrawny man in front of me. "Just tea."

Orochimaru sighed heavily. "One day, Pearl, you will understand me."

"And on that day the earth will end," I replied with a smile. Without make-up, with his hair pinned up and in this stiff kimono, he always looked so unusual, I thought. But even if he could shed his skin like a snake for the day-to-day business, his caring nature remained. And I liked him, it wasn't like that. He was my second mother, who lovingly infantilized me in the traditional Japanese manner. I watched him shake his head and walk away, and lay down on the table again. My permanent lack of sleep gradually became noticeable and maybe I also felt the after-effects of the drugs. MDMA always threw me off track in the aftermath. Nevertheless, it had been a fun night and I would have liked to just stop time at two o'clock in the morning and never let the party end. The boys had been a good distraction for me, especially since at some point a spontaneous orgy had simply started without a concrete trigger – it had probably been the mixture of ecstasy and LSD – which had not made me think of King for a second. With so much meat in one pile, even his gem was forgotten and although I hadn't been able to participate, it had deeply aroused me. And no one in the Ame club gave a damn if I took off my clothes and masturbated. Nudity was the order of the day there and because I had nothing to fear within these four walls, everyone, including me, simply didn't care if one could spot a few labia between the cocks.

Although I had to confess that shortly before my climax I had thought of King again. This man just didn't want to disappear from my head. Asshole.

Something in front of me clinked and I raised my eyes. "Here you go, my little Pearl," said Orochimaru, straightening the cup on the plate and placing a sugar sachet next to it. "With best wishes from the kitchen."

"Thank you, Oro-kaachan," I murmured, sipping the deliciously hot tea. In my opinion, it was much too cold outside for the beginning of April.

"If you need me, I'm in the bakehouse," he said and disappeared again.

I snorted with a smile. Bakehouse. What was it all the time with these old-fashioned expressions. Well, Hiashi would rip my head off if he knew how vulgar I really was, but even he didn't express himself in such a fluddy-duddy way. I yawned extensively and let my neck vertebrae crack. It was right after four o'clock in the morning. In three hours, I'd be on my way, sneaking back into the house, taking a shower, changing clothes, and pretending I've had a restorative sleep just in time for Kou's wake-up call. It had indeed been restorative for my psyche, just not for my body. But Kou didn't have to know that.

However, what I was supposed to do these three hours alone here in the Snake Bite was a mystery to me. Nagato and Konan, with whom I usually killed the morning until my return, still had their hands full in the club. But it had also been really crowded. Where did all the kinky gays come from so suddenly? For Pain, of course, I was happy. More kinky gays meant more sales. And if I begrudged one person a successful business, it was the owner of my second home.

Unintentionally, the question arose in me whether King had also tried his hand at BDSM in real life. We had both been inexperienced in the field at the time and often enough teased each other in our chats, but to experience something like this first-hand was certainly something different than just writing about it. Surely at this very moment a naked woman was hanging in his apartment, bound, gagged, he wears his black clothes, his sleeves rolled up of course, his muscles play under the black fabric, a mask hides his face with the scar above the eye, wavy, black hair peeks out from underneath, a riding crop in his hand, aphrodisiac candles are scattered around the room, on the wall a collection of harnesses and floggers in different sizes, his noble shoes shine in the red glow of the flames, her sweat drips under her on the floor, she moans lustily when the leather hits her skin, cums, her secretion runs past the vibrator down her legs, he bends over to her ear, pushes up the mask, takes the toothpick from the raised corner of his mouth and murmurs in his deep, rough, bassy, piercing, calm voice, "This is my girl~"

Fuck.

I should stop thinking about him. That just made me fuzzy. To suppress the unsatisfied pulsation of my vagina, I crossed my legs, drank some of the tea, and looked out into the early twilight. Rain pattered against the shop window, obscuring the view. In the glass I saw my reflection in front of the clean café behind me, the purple upholstered benches, the wooden bar in the background. Orochimaru was a true all-rounder. The man could cook, bake, mix cocktails – although not as good as Pain – and he was one of the people who really cared about me. I looked at the reflection of the sugar sachet. He only meant well, I knew that, but I just couldn't. Every time I ate something or drank anything other than water or unsweetened tea, I automatically felt sick. It was clear to me that it came from my head alone, but if it were that easy to get rid of an eating disorder, it wouldn't exist in the first place. I knew I was thin, too thin in the eyes of some, but when I looked at myself, I saw wobbly cushions everywhere. I couldn't turn it off, even if I wanted to. King had called me perfect. Was I really that for him? Didn't he think I was too fat? In the webcam I had once seen how my stomach bulged when I leaned forward. I hated that. It was so unsightly. Nothing should bulge there. Everything should be flat and smooth. It should just be perfect, damn it. But it wouldn't, never. I couldn't be perfect, no matter how hard I tried.

Ashamed, I stroked my moist eyes with my sleeve and sniffed softly. As I lowered my arm again, I noticed two blurred figures on the sidewalk in the semi-darkness of the dawning day. The left one was about my size and slim. Because of the hood of her blackberry jacket, I couldn't see her face, but I was sure it was a woman. She just reached the tip of the nose of the person next to her. Based on his stature and shorter, dark hair, I suspected that it was a man. They gesticulated wildly and seemed to be arguing. Above me, the skylight was open and muffled but clearly angry voices reached my ear through the loud rain. I stretched a little to catch more of this heated conversation. After all, an early morning argument was better than self-pity, my unbridled imagination or boredom. And I already had the tea ready.

"… do you actually imagine that?!" the woman roared.

"You tell me!" the man yelled back. His voice was deep and seemed strangely familiar to me.

"Of course, the gentleman has no idea about anything again!"

"If you know everything, then enlighten me!"

"I've told you that a thousand times, Kakashi!"

I flinched. Shit. That was Hatake and whoever. Maybe his wife? Not unlikely. Now I concentrated even more on understanding everything.

"And I've told you a thousand times that I'm working on it, Rin!"

"Oh, I see that. How does the search for an apartment work, huh? Have you found something that meets my expectations?" A long pause. "That's what I thought. You can shove the idea up your ass, bringing them to you, as long as you don't set up a room for them."

"You don't have to determine that!"

"I don't, but the office does. And that requires you to have enough space for them."

"If you would take his cock out of your mouth, the office would give me more leeway."

"That... is below the belt, you motherfucker!"

"Well, that's where you like to play anyway."

Despite rain streaks on the window, I clearly saw how she swung out and slapped him in the face. "You'll never talk to me like that again, do you understand me?!"

Hatake was silent. He rummaged in his pocket and for a moment I thought he was reaching for a gun or a knife, but then he threw something at her chest with a jingle, which she just caught and through the thick drops splashing on the puddles, I could hardly understand his answer, but thought I heard a "Fuck you, Rin" as he walked past her.

"Yeah, fine, just run away again, that's what you do best, you damn coward! See you in court, do you hear?! And I'll finish you off!"

He raised his arm and I strongly suspected that he was showing her the middle finger before he went to the entrance of the café and a soft bell announced his entry. Now he looked not only like a kicked dog, but one doused with water and despair. His wet and therefore darker hair stuck to his head, his fists, on which the knuckles stood out white, trembled uncontrollably and the sheer rage was written on his face. He looked around the café and too late I noticed that his dull and at the same time hateful eyes wandered in my direction. As our eyes met, I grimaced in horror and ducked out of his field of vision like a mole in a fairground game. I plucked the hood of my sweat jacket lower and suddenly found special interest in the number of ounces on the sugar sachet, when squeaky sneakers approached me, stopped next to me and Hatake's deep voice said, "Hello, Hinata." It was clear that he was trying to suppress his anger, but failed miserably.

I pushed the hood aside and turned my head. "Hello... Sensei."

Hatake's jaw grinded. He was obviously wrestling with himself. Trembling, he exhaled air, ran his fingers through his wet hair, which immediately made it messy again, and he now said amazingly calmly, "I'm sorry if you.. in case I should have disturbed you."

Heavens, why was this guy so pitiful?! In the early morning he fought brawly with his wife, as I still strongly suspected, on the open street in heavy rain, was, at least in my humble opinion, beaten by her for no reason and now HE apologized if he should have disturbed ME. Inconceivable. "Uh.. No, it's okay, I-I.." Yeah, what now? How did you react when you saw and heard something like that? Preferably not at all. I lowered my head and looked at the contents of my teacup with interest.

"Good morning, sir," Orochimaru suddenly came gliding up from behind and smiled kindly at his guest. He had still tied the apron with the flour dust around his scrawny body. "Would you like something to drink or eat?"

"Um.. Yes, breakfast actually sounds good. Black coffee if you have."

"Wonderful. The daily specials are cinnamon rolls, they're right in the oven, so it doesn't get any fresher than that."

"That sounds tempting," Hatake replied feebly. "With cream?"

"With cream, just a moment."

"Thank you very much."

"And for you, Pearl, I'll bring one too."

"No!" I exclaimed immediately and looked up at the pale face with the insidious smile. "No, really, Oro-", my gaze darted to Hatake, "-chimaru. I don't need anything. I have my tea."

"A cinnamon roll with cream, I understand. Your coffee will come immediately, sir." Orochimaru's smile grew into a mean grin and he rolled away.

I moaned softly. That ass did this on purpose. In front of Hatake, I couldn't just ignore the cinnamon roll, when he knew I loved it. And actually I did, at least I liked to taste them. But I didn't want to eat them.

"Um..", Hatake said and scratched his hair further tousled. "Do you mind if I sit down with you?"

Every other table in this café was still free, but I suspected that the question was not due to a lack of space. He didn't want to be alone. And even though I didn't want to talk to him for obvious reasons that had to do with my underfucked vagina and the already strange tension between us, I couldn't just abandon him now. He was almost whimpering. So I nodded.

Grateful, he pinched his lips into something like a smile. He opened the zipper of his dripping jacket, took it off, examined the soaked fabric of his animal hair-vomit cardigan – this unspeakable green looked even more khaki in this light than in the university, honestly, whoever had invented this color should be punished – and also took it off. He hung both jackets over the back of the chair at the head of my table. Then he sat down opposite me on the upholstered bench, put his forearms on the edge of the table, folded his hands and stared at his thumbs, with which he played around lost in thought.

I, on the other hand, looked at him intensively. Wet strands of hair still stuck to his temples, others protruded from his skull in all directions. His face was no longer angry, but completely expressionless, only his eyes were reddened with fatigue and certainly with other things. His dark, stubbly beard shadow was only further enhanced by his pale skin. There it was again: The saddest model in the world.

But my attention didn't stay on his face and deep down in my core I hated myself for exploiting his condition for my own purposes. I had never noticed it before because of the baggy cardigan, but now that he was sitting in front of me in a not quite so worn-out, gray T-shirt that was damp from the rain on the shoulders, I couldn't help but admire his physique. Under this scandalous cardigan, he all the time had kept hidden broad shoulders, pronounced pectoral muscles, defined biceps and veiny forearms. On the inside of his right upper arm was a rather large, heart-shaped birthmark and under his left sleeve the lower tip of a red tattoo peeked out. That didn't fit at all into the image of the exhausted professor with the chunky cardigan in a gag reflex look and with real fur applications. If he finally shaved and got the cause of his depressed look under control, he would be more than just handsome. While I wrapped my legs tighter together to soothe another flash, my irises glided longingly along his well-accentuated shoulders, over another small birthmark in the middle between the left corner of his mouth and the chin, which I hadn't noticed before, up into his dark gray eyes, which looked directly at me – and I flinched. My brain wanted to say something evasive, but my mouth wouldn't open. Instead, we just stared silently into each other's souls and I absolutely didn't know what to interpret into his stony face. Something was stirring in his dark irises, but I could never have named it. Somehow his gaze softened, if such a thing was even possible.

"Here's your coffee," Orochimaru suddenly broke the lingering silence and placed a cup in front of Hatake. "The cinnamon rolls still have to cool down, but I brought you a towel. It's really bad weather out there and we don't want you to get sick." He winked at Hatake and I wondered, grinning inwardly, if my second mother was picking up my lecturer.

"Oh, thank you," Hatake mumbled, took the towel, rubbed it once over his head and put it around his neck. With a soft clearing of the throat and a shamed look at Orochimaru, who disappeared back into the kitchen, he made a tentative attempt to tame his hair, but immediately stopped doing so and drank his coffee instead. This abrupt end of our eye contact seemed to have awakened in him the desire not to just keep quiet anymore, because he asked in an emphatically polite voice, "So.. Hinata, what are you doing alone in a café on this early Sunday morning?"

"I'm waiting," I answered honestly. The ecstasy didn't let me lie very well anyway, I had already found out.

"For what?"

"For me to go home."

Hatake looked at me with interest. "Mh.. And when do you have to?"

"I'm woken up at eight, so I should be lying in my bed by then."

His eyebrows contracted, but before he could poke any further, I asked, "Was that your wife earlier?"

He gasped, blinked and nodded curtly. "Yes."

"You're getting divorced, aren't you?"

"Yes.."

"Something like this must be difficult when you have children," I stated matter-of-factly, although I had no personal experience with it. But sympathy and stuff, right?

Hatake seemed surprised. "Children? We have no children. How do you come up with that?" He gave himself the answer after a few seconds. "Oh, that.. No. We have dogs, eight to be exact."

I choked on my tea. "Eight?!" No wonder he fluffs so much all the time.

"Yes.. Rin works in a sanctuary for strays and she has a habit of taking in the dogs that would eventually end up in the last kennel." On my questioning frown, he ran his thumb over his throat. "I admire her for her big heart and never objected to us adopting another dog almost every year. She gets along well with them and takes care of them. In the course of our divorce, we had discussed that I would take Pakkun and Buru with me. The two are inseparable and more fixated on me than on her. But I don't have an apartment big enough for them. And something like this is difficult to find if you don't have the necessary financial means for it, which, by the way, is only because the divorce lawyer is so expensive. Pure irony. This vicious circle is gradually taking off my last pants."

I threw him a small smile that he couldn't even see because he had lost himself in the depths of his coffee cup. I didn't want to talk about taking off his pants, and certainly not about money. I had grown up in wealth and, narrow-minded as I was, I couldn't imagine what it must be like not to be able to afford everything. I was not a materialistic person, but I was used to a certain luxury.

"We haven't understood each other for years," Hatake continued absently, and I suspected that he was just trying to get a big burden off his chest. I may not have been the best place to store his problems, after all, we didn't know each other, but I just did what I could do best: be silent and listen patiently. "Today, I'm not even sure if I ever loved her in the way she hoped me to. We met when we were ten years old in the home, and since then we have been inseparable. It could have been the beginning of a wonderful love story: Two children become orphans at the same time because their remaining guardian takes his own life, this circumstance alone should have welded us together for all eternity, huh. They get along right away, go out in high school, feelings arise, what do I know, maybe it was simply the addiction to physical closeness. But life is not a romantic movie in which the story ends with the wedding. We only got married because she was pregnant, and after the miscarriage we probably just clung to the idea of an intact family because neither of us had any. We stayed together, even if we didn't do each other any good. She developed depression, had constant panic attacks, became manic and violent, and I.." He drank. "Then she cheated on me with my best friend and that was finally the moment when I didn't see any point in our marriage anymore. Now we've been separated for over two years, the divorce has been going on for a year, I'm living with my fucking thirty-one years like a medical student at the limit of my account in a tiny shack that I can't afford on my own, fighting for custody of my dogs. Every time Rin and I see each other, we argue about something. There is nothing positive between us anymore, only disgust. It's almost sad how best childhood friends could become THAT." He laughed humorlessly. "Fuck, how cliché my life is."

"But at least not boring," I commented involuntarily and quickly threw in a stuttered "S-sorry, Sensei, I didn't mean that".

But Hatake smiled. "No, it's not boring. In some places it drags on a bit and I wonder if it will at least lead to a happy ending, but the tension is there."

"Fuck happy endings," I said and asked myself why I had so little control over myself once again. That was not something official Hinata would have said. It was certainly the ecstasy. Not only did I think more radically as a result, but I no longer inhibited myself from expressing those thoughts. "In the end, we all die anyway and this world basically doesn't give a shit about what happens until then. That sounds selfish, but you shouldn't always go by what others think is right and good. We alone have to cope with our lives and then we can decide for ourselves in the end whether it is happy or not. The journey is the goal, or whatever."

Hatake was just about to speak, when Orochimaru burst in again. "Two cinnamon rolls with cream." He pushed my plate particularly close to my nose. "Delicious," he emphasized.

"Can I pay right away?" Hatake asked, taking his wallet out of his jacket pocket.

"Of course. And Pearl—"

"I'll invite her," Hatake said hastily, rummaging around in the purse. "Well.. Um... How much does that make exactly?"

I shook my head slowly. "Sensei.. Don't invite me if you cannot pay for it."

"Sensei?" Orochimaru asked curiously. We looked up at him. He started grinning. "Well, if you teach my sweet little Pearl, I can't ask you for any money. Breakfast is on the house."

"Uh, no, I..." Hatake began to mutter, but Orochimaru silenced him with a raised hand. "Na-ah, I don't want to hear something like that. Friends of Pearl are also friends of mine. Leave it be."

Hatake's gaze shifted back and forth between Orochimaru and me, perplexed, but he put his money away again and stared at the actually wonderfully fragrant cinnamon roll in front of him instead.

The bell rang and two tall men came in. At the sight of them, my eyes brightened and I jumped up. "My Zombies~" Kakuzu paused as he shook out his long coat and Hidan beamed back in his leather jacket, which was also wet, and spread his arms. I hugged him stormily.

Hidan laughed loudly. "Geez, you're acting as if you haven't seen us for weeks, Pearl!" He lifted me up briefly. "Do you miss us so much already?"

"You little puppy – always~", I purred and gave him a long kiss.

"Hey!" he said indignantly and deliberately ruffled my hair. "You're a cheeky bitch, do you know that?!"

"Yes," I grinned. I patted the tip of his nose and turned to Kakuzu. He bent down to me, kissed me as well and asked in his grumpy way, "How long do you have left?"

I glanced at the wall clock above the counter. "Just under two hours."

"Fuuuuck man, I'd love to keep you company," Hidan pouted until his pink eyes met Hatake, who had turned to us on his bench and watched the scene with interest. Hidan's gaze became greedy. "Ooooouh, but I see you're already in good company~"

He received a firm blow to the back of the head from Kakuzu. "Shut up, Hidan."

"Oi, Kakuzu!", Hidan bawled at his dom from below. "We are no longer in the club ergo our contract does not apply..."

"Ergo? Have you suddenly become intelligent now?" Kakuzu teased.

".. ERGO," Hidan shouted unimpressed, "you can't just hit me like that, you perverted, rancid predator!"

Kakuzu pressed a short kiss on Hidan's mouth. "Then I'm not allowed to do that either, eh?"

Hidan blushed. "You son of a bitch! Suck my dick.."

"Not here," Kakuzu replied dryly. "Besides, you should finally shut up, there are other guests here." He nodded over to Hatake.

Hidan followed the gesture and again there was this hungry glitter in his irises. Without further ado, he marched to the table where Hatake was now sitting up straight again. "Hi. I'm Hidan. Are you looking for a sub?"

"Uh.. Excuse me?" Hatake asked, sounding overwhelmed.

"A sub. Sado-masochist shit, you know. Are you into bondage games? Whipping and such? Gagging? Yes? Then I offer myself to you. Because this fucker right there" – Hidan gesticulated wildly to Kakuzu, who was still standing next to me at the door – "is an absolutely mindfucked person who can only fuck me if I kneel in front of him like a mutt all night and wiggle my ass. No shit, dude! You can't make something like that up. I mean, his cock is big and everything, and he stands for his age even without pills, not everyone can do it, but his fantasies are real shit. Holy motherfucker. Are you more of a soft dom?" Hidan braced himself on the table in front of Hatake. "Or are you not into men at all? You're more of a normal mood, huh? Come on, we're all a bit kinky. I can see it in your eyes. There's something lurking there, a real beast. You like to bang while fucking, don't you? Am I right? Makes the cheeks wobble nicely, awesome. But I'll tell you one thing, bastard, if you hurt our Pearl, I'll stick your head in my ass on Chili Day! Get it?!"

"Hidan," Kakuzu said quietly and Hidan flinched in shock. "Shut. Your. Mouth."

Hidan was about to protest, but when he turned to his dom, he noticed me. I stared at him with a chalky white face, held one of the fringed sleeves in front of my mouth and my eyeballs almost fell out. Immediately, Hidan became calm again. "Oh fuck no, Pearl, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to embarrass you. It just came out of me and I didn't think."

"We know that," Kakuzu growled and patted my shoulder. "Apologize to her."

Hidan didn't complain that Kakuzu gave him commands, even though they didn't have a relationship outside the club. He rushed to me, hugged me tightly, and whispered, "Shit, sorry, really, I'm sorry, please forgive me." I gasped and Hidan pulled away from me again. "Are you angry?"

Fuck yes, but with his puppy look I just couldn't be mad anymore. "I.. You owe me something for that."

"Everything," Hidan nodded.

"You are my witness," I said to Kakuzu.

He nodded. "I make sure that he complies with it. Two coffees, Oro-san," he called over to the kitchen door where Orochimaru was standing, watching the goings-on in his shop with great interest. "Already there, my Zombies." He held two to-go cups in his hands.

Kakuzu and Hidan took them and kissed me goodbye. "See you next week?" Hidan asked before he was dragged out by the collar by Kakuzu and I could only nod quickly.

As soon as the bell had acknowledged their departure, it became unpleasantly quiet in the café. Orochimaru was still standing in the doorway, and I stared at my reflection in the glass. Only very slowly did I turn to Hatake, who was sitting with his back to me. On rolls of shame I glided to him and crouched down on my bench like a heap of misery. "Sorry," I murmured to my knuckles.

"Hm," Hatake snorted amusedly and I looked up. He actually grinned. "You never cease to surprise me, Hinata Hyuuga. Or would you rather be called 'Pearl'?"

I shook my head hastily. "No. They call me that here because they don't know my real name." My eyes darted to the kitchen door, where Orochimaru was no longer visible. Hopefully he didn't have superhuman hearing. "Back when I was here for the first time, Hidan said my eyes looked like pearls. Well, you have experienced it. He has a loose mouth."

"Indeed."

"And that's what I've been called here ever since."

"Where exactly is 'here'?" Hatake asked, pulling a piece of cinnamon roll with cream from his fork.

I puffed out my cheeks and let the air escape with a soft pop. "Well.. here. Where I don't have to be me."

He paused.

Under no circumstances did I want to give him time to think about an answer or even to expect me to deepen this statement, so I took a piece of cinnamon roll on the fork and shoved it into my mouth. The second the sweet particle touched my tongue, all possible and impossible endorphins exploded in my brain. My vision blurred and I must have actually managed to moan, because I saw Hatake's dubious expression give way to a grin. "You seem to like it, I hear," he said with a quiet laugh that would have hatched butterflies in my stomach in my normal state, but at the moment I didn't notice any of it. I only tasted the cinnamon roll and as if I were no longer part of my own mind, I watched myself dive into the pastry as if it was the last thing I was able to do in my life.

In an indecent soundscape, I gulped down the roll like a starving beast – and I was in a way. I avoided eating as much as I could because I was terrified of gaining weight and risking more cushions on my belly, ass and cheeks. Hiashi told me often enough that I had to watch my figure. And yet there was this literal hunger in me, a desire for food that I always denied my body. After all these years, I was able to block out scents well enough and even hearty dishes that Sukunai served at dinner left me cold, but I had never been able to defend myself against sweets. Cinnamon rolls in particular were my Achilles' heel.

This was shown again today in the piggy way I licked my plate to catch every drop of cream. I put the plate down, sucked the sugar from my lower lip and leaned back. I was seized by a dizziness that had nothing to do with the general malnutrition. Rather, it was a pure feeling of happiness. My taste buds danced ballet and I couldn't help but grin widely. Food was awesome, food was sexy. The energy that the carbohydrates gave me aroused me. Without even knowing where I was, I stroked my crotch and moaned again. I should get Kakuzu back so that he could satisfy me with his hand in his gruff manner. He had done it before, that was probably the advantage that he had been married to a woman for years to cover up his true sexuality. He and Konan were the only ones in the Ame who could handle a clitoris. And fuck, I just needed strange fingers between my thighs after this overstimulating night. King, where are you?!

After a while, I opened my eyes again, which I had kept closed for pleasure. My gaze wandered from the clean ceiling of the dining room to the person opposite me, who looked at me with a strange expression on his face. With a soft flap, I let go of my lower lip and took my hand out of my crotch. Hatake's eyes narrowed slightly and I thought I could see a smile on his lips.

"Fuck," I murmured. "I-I have to go, otherwise I'll get shit from Kou. See you tomorrow." Without waiting for any reaction other than insistent staring, I stood up, pulled the hood low over my face and walked out into the rain. What the actual fuck! I had lost control in front of Professor Doctor van Hatake, of all people, my lecturer in what do I know what legal history, a man whom I admired in principle for his work, but also subliminally for him as a person. Stupid. Simply stupid. The finger I was about to put down my throat would feel particularly liberating. I felt the need not only to vomit to get the excess calories out of my stomach, but also to express my disgust with myself. On the way, I had hoped that I had only imagined the past hour and a half, but a dark premonition somewhere near my navel, certainly triggered by the whory cinnamon roll that wanted to be digested there, told me that this was not the case and that Hatake now knew me in a way that no one in my life should.

be_my_ace: [Hey.. Sorry that I didn't write for so long. I didn't want to ghost you or anything. But I really needed time. I'll be honest with you, you deserve it. Your statement threw me pretty much off track, I admit. I didn't actually think about the fact that you are meeting other women. And I was jealous of it, and I still am now. That person on Tuesday wasn't my lover or anything, but that's difficult to explain without lying to you. Just believe me when I tell you there's nothing between me and him. It's not easy to react thoughtfully when you can see and hear me and at that moment I just blew a fuse and I wanted to distract you from the topic so that you don't ask any further questions. I would have had to explain the situation and everything only became more unpleasant because I revealed too many details from my life – I wanted to avoid all this. I didn't mean to embarrass you. But hey, at least we addressed something that hurts me, but that is probably still necessary to be talked about: Our relationship and the exclusivity of it. We both said that we wanted to be together, but I understood it to mean that we are now. I didn't think you meant that we could be at some point in the future. That was a mistake and I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. A lot has happened to me in the last few days and I didn't have much time to think about you and me and us, but I did it anyway and it has become clear to me that I don't want to lose you. You are important to me, King. And a possible future relationship with you is something I very much long for. I don't like that you sleep with real women, but I understand that your hand is not enough to satisfy you. Lately, I've also been feeling the urge to throw myself at some men more often – to be honest, it's pretty disgusting, but what can I do. If my pussy wants to be ducked, that's just the way it is. I hope you haven't written me off after the radio silence and we can talk about it. By the way, I'm glad you like my pictures! ] ... *fucked, not ducked. Shit. I guess I'm a little drunk after all.]

Sighing, I put my phone aside, puffed my pillow against me and looked out the window, where the horizon was getting brighter despite the persistent rain. A quarter of an hour left, then this night was over again.

A short vibration sounded. Astonished, I picked up my phone again. I hadn't closed the chat window yet, so I received a notification about an incoming message. My hands went sweaty as I read King's answer.

King_size94: [Buttercup, you can't imagine how I just grinned when I saw that you wrote to me. I feared the worst and probably fell into a much too deep hole of fear of loss. And fuck, you don't have to apologize for it! It was immediately clear to me how much that hurt you. That was never my intention, please believe me. Yes, I've slept with real women since we started writing, but that doesn't mean that I'm fornicated or that I don't care about you. I've noticed a long time ago that I had developed feelings for you and my last real sex was a while ago. That's probably why I'm always keen on you and would love to see you every day. But I understand that this is not possible. I have to correct you about one thing: I understood the chat on our anniversary to mean that we are together from now on and not only at some point in the future. I love you, Buttercup, that's not going to change. If you want, we can keep our relationship open so that we can get physical satisfaction when our bodies demand it. I don't want to stand in the way of your libido under any circumstances!]

be_my_ace: [Really? Doesn't that make you jealous?]

King_size94: [A little bit. I was also on Tuesday, I have to admit. And I also acted rashly. I should have addressed this more carefully and not so roughly. No wonder you needed time because of this, I probably would have needed too, if I hadn't been the asshole in this situation.] I smiled. [Well, if that's what you want to hear, I'm officially giving you permission to sleep with other men. Feel free to jump on any guy you find fuckable.]

be_my_ace: [There are other hurdles, something like consensus and such, but yeah.. Thank you! But.. Won't you think I'm a bitch then?]

King_size94: [Consensus schmonsenus :P Every man (and probably every woman) will fall for you anyway * But seriously. I'll never think you're a bitch, no matter how many men you've had or will have. Just because you satisfy your lust doesn't diminish your value or whatever. You are not a commodity that wears out over time. Don't worry, I'm not one of those toxic alphas who think they can only fuck with virgins. For me bodycount still refers to other parts of life ] Now I grinned broadly.

be_my_ace: [King, I honestly don't know what I did to deserve you. You're just the perfect man. You have a beautiful cock, you are the dearest person on the planet and then you want to be with me. What's the catch witch you?]

King_size94: [Haha, maybe one day you'll see, but until then I enjoy you as my biggest catch :}]

be_my_ace: [Idiot..]

King_size94: [I know c]

be_my_ace: [Are you ugly or something? Because honestly, if you also have a pretty face, you're not real and I fell in love with an AI.]

King_size94: [Shit, she found out my secret! I'm ugly AND an AI. What does that make me be?]

be_my_ace: [Wall-E.]

King_size94: [Excuse me?! Never again insult the best and cutest robot that has ever (actually, never) existed! Otherwise I'll beat you.]

be_my_ace: [Forgive me, master, I just took the first robot that came to lind.] ... *MIND, my goodness. I'm indeed too drunk.]

King_size94: [A typo, how fatal. There we have it. That's your weakness. Alcohol. I'll make a note. Maybe I'll take advantage of it one day.]

be_my_ace: [You rascal~]

King_size94: [...]

King_size94: [Buttercup?]

be_my_ace: [Yes, King?]

King_size94: [Are you happy?]

There was a knock. "Hinata-sama?"

Smiling, I shouted, "Yes.." [Yes, I am.]