bemyace

by Annie Purrington

Hinata Hyuuga, the princess of the Gin'nome-kai, spends her life in fear. Her everyday life is marked by violence – and only a man can free her from it. But she has to meet him first.. or does she already have that? / TW: anorexia, physical/mental/sexual abuse (of minors, not detailled), torture, murder, lemon

8. My sister's party dress

08: My sister's party dress.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017, afternoon

Deep in my grueling thoughts, I climbed the stairs upstairs. For twenty-four hours, yesterday's events had haunted my mind. From my point of view, this strange encounter at university had gone ideal, at least I didn't feel like I had revealed someone's identity, intentions or level of knowledge. And that was pretty good, wasn't it? So it finally paid off to be the daughter of a syndicate boss. Lying was simply in my blood.

But even apart from the superficially stressful situation, the conversations did not leave me in peace. Kakashi, and yes, after I had kissed him – even if not consciously or intentionally – I took the liberty of calling him by his first name. So Kakashi knew about me, about my family, about Itachi. I didn't want him to drown with me in this vortex of intrigue, and I would keep him out of the whole thing as much as I could in the future, but it still felt liberating to have talked to someone about my fears. It sucked he couldn't help me. His advice was to go to the police and get help. And he was right. Genma's performance yesterday also made a deep impression on me. I hadn't called him that evening because there was still this uncertainty in the back of my mind as to whether it was really the right decision, but he seemed to take the matter seriously and also showed some talent to deal with the situation. That clearly spoke for him.

My slippers stepped onto the top ledge and I paused.

And then this kiss. In retrospect, it wouldn't have been necessary, in my opinion his acting had been good enough to convince those present of his role as my boyfriend – although I wondered if no one had been surprised that Genma didn't look particularly young. That sounded mean, after all he wasn't OLD old, but he was older than me. I would estimate him to be in his late twenties. Maybe it was just normal for all of them to assume that I had daddy issues. Because shit, I had. With my past, it was not surprising that I liked older men; violent and domineering father who had never given me love, prepubescent physical intimacies with old gits – like OLD old gits. This crack in my brain was inevitably pre-programmed. I WANTED to kiss Genma at that moment and it felt so damn good. Shit, I really had complexes. And my constantly burgeoning cravings confirmed them additionally. In my courses at university, I didn't have a guy I found somewhat fuckable. No. Who were the men who appeared in my wet dreams? I had kissed my professor, thirty-one, out of a weird situation and didn't think shit afterwards, I had kissed a business partner of my father, forty-three, and almost had sex with him, I had kissed a cop, probably around thirty, simply because I felt the need to do so, and my bodyguard, twenty-nine, I had still kissed on the cheek. I found all of them sexy in their own way and my body reacted accordingly to them. Even though none of them could be King, because they were all older than twenty-three, they at least corresponded to my outward taste. That was anything but normal.

I slowly trotted down the hallway and a question popped up in my head that I didn't really want to ask myself.

Was it really the case that none of them could be King? Sure, they all had the big, veiny hands with the pale, long fingers and the deep voice, but that obviously didn't seem to be uncommon. I had removed each of them from my list of candidates because they were simply too old or I couldn't or didn't want to have them on it for what I know what other reasons. His name was "King_size94" and I had simply assumed from the beginning that the number stood for his year of birth. What if I was wrong about that..?

"Hina-oneesan!", Hanabi greeted me beaming with joy as I passed her open room door. "Come in, I have to show you something~"

I smiled at my little sister and followed her into her room. It was not unlike mine at all – simple and somehow sparsely furnished. In my case, my drawings of flowers and landscapes hung on the walls, in Hanabi's it was origami in various shapes and colors, which stood in all kinds of open spaces. At least we had been allowed to develop our hobbies. "What's up, Hana-neechan?"

"I know you're tired from university and have to study, BUT!" She pulled me by the hand to her own walk-in closet, stood in front of a headless mannequin with her arms outstretched and shouted in a singsong, "Tadaaa~" She grinned like a Cheshire cat and breathed with an enthusiastic sparkle in her eyes, "Isn't it beautiful..? I always envied you for yours and wanted to have one too, and now I finally have one! Father says I'm going to wear it today because he wants to introduce me to business partners. In half an hour, Mother will come up to help me. Man, I'm so happy! Now I can be as beautiful as you and become useful to Father~" Squealing, she hopped on the spot and clapped her hands.

I couldn't react. I just didn't know how. My eyes were fixed on the gold-colored obijime, which harmonized perfectly with the shimmering flower heads of the daisies scattered on the fabric. It was a pretty kimono and Hanabi would certainly look beautiful in it, but–

"I'll be back," whispered a voice that came out of my mouth. It sounded so strange, as if it didn't belong to me at all. And my head hadn't formed the words either. It was as if it had been swept empty. No thought really solidified. All I knew right now was that I had to save Hanabi.

I felt my body start moving. It went to the bathroom door, locked it and took off the key. So did my trembling, clammy fingers at Hanabi's room door. My ears heard Hanabi's uncomprehending shouts, a hammering on the wood, but I shoved both keys into my pocket and somehow, I had no idea how I had gotten there, I found myself in front of the door to Hiashi's office. I knocked.

"Come in," was the frigidly answer.

I entered the room and immediately fell to my knees. "Otoo-sama, I beg you, do not let Hanabi attend the meeting. Take me in her place. Please.." My voice broke and I sobbed, even though I couldn't cry. There was still a buzzing emptiness in my head. Only very softly did a muffled cry sound somewhere in the farthest corner.

"Why should I do that?"

"She is twelve. She.. is too young."

"She is no younger than you were."

The screaming grew louder.

"Please, Otoo-sama, I will give you everything I can offer. I will do everything, just please, please do not let Hanabi to this meeting."

"Isshiki asked for her."

"Please... She is too young...", I whimpered.

"He is an influential man. He is our way to get to Kaguya. We depend on the business with the Kaminone-kai. I am not going to mess with them just because you are begging me. She is going to attend this meeting today, and that is my final word on that. Now get out of here, Daughter."

My body, still quivering on the ground, the face against the pale backs of my hands, on which the cold sweat stood, did not move.

"I said, get out!" Hiashi shouted angrily and I flinched.

Without looking at my father, I got up and left his office. Sheer panic spread through me and the screaming in my head became louder, deafening. Panting, I touched my forehead and felt myself slide to the floor on the wall.

No.

No..

NO!

That just couldn't be true.

It may not happen.

Hanabi may not..

I would prevent it, whatever the cost.

Hanabi hadn't even had her first period, she was still a child and shall remain one.

Twenty-five minutes left until Sukunai went to Hanabi.

The screaming became quieter again, replaced by a very clear thought that made me act. I pushed myself up and ran out the front door outside. As fast as my untrained and trembling legs would carry me, I ran down the streets to a dark red metal door at the foot of a short basement staircase. I typed the code – 2-5-4-5 – into an electronic control panel and hurried through the dark vestibule to the second metal door. I pressed the handle and as soon as I had pushed my head through the slit, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "PAIN! KISAME!"

There was no one in the spacious club room with the large dance floor, the seating recesses and the stage at the back end. The bar was also deserted. The club would open in a few hours, they just HAD to be here! I ran to the door that led into the private rooms and the storage, and then I slammed into a soft cupboard that had opened that very target. "Humpf," I blurted out, collected myself briefly and gazed up. I looked into Kisame's broad grin. "Hi, Pearl, what are you doing here on a Tuesday? Man, you're all pale—"

"No time," I panted. "Kisame, please don't ask any questions. I need something that will completely knock someone out for a few hours."

Kisame knitted his brows. "Excuse me? What? Why?"

"PLEASE!", I screamed desperately, clinging to his T-shirt. "It's important! It's a matter of life and death!"

"Shit man, do you have problems with someone..?"

"KISAME! I need roofies! NOW!"

"Sorry, Pearl..", Kisame said and seemed completely confused. "We don't tolerate something like that in this club. Here, everything is always based on consensus, such sleepers are not wanted by Pain."

"Fuck..", I breathed and could have cried if I had been able to do so in my panic. I pulled myself together with a deep breath, let go of Kisame and dashed out of the club back towards the Hyuuga estate.

Twelve minutes to go.

Sliding and sweating, I reached the main entrance. If I couldn't anesthetize Hanabi, she had to get out of here. Right fucking now.

I didn't know what drove me to do it. Maybe it was a glimpse of a chance, but maybe it was my biggest mistake. I took my phone out of my pocket. [Come here as soon as possible, I must do something.]

I was running out of time. If this Ootsutsuki showed up here, Hanabi would have to be far away. I hurried to her room and unlocked it.

Hanabi sat on her futon, her knees pulled to her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. She raised her eyes as I walked in and walked directly towards her. "Hinata, what's wrong with you?! You can't just lock me in my room!"

"Come with me," I said urgently. "You have to get out of here."

"What?! But mother will come right away and help me get ready for the guest."

"She won't. You will not be attending this meeting. I will."

Hanabi stared angrily at me from below. "Is this supposed to be a joke..? You do this all the time. You can always put on these kimonos and say hello to father's business partners. Now I'm finally old enough for it and you don't begrudge me that? Hina-oneesan, why are you suddenly jealous of me?"

"I'm not, Hanabi. Please, I can't explain it to you, but we don't have time. You mustn't be here when he comes."

"Who?"

"The Ootsutsuki. Now come. I'll get you out of here."

"Is he dangerous or something?"

"Yes, he's dangerous, very much. Please, trust me, Hana-neechan. You have to get out of here. Otherwise, he will hurt you."

Hanabi's defiance had gradually given way to fear. "But.. will he hurt you too, Hina-oneesan?"

I couldn't answer. I just didn't know what. Again, my head was empty and full at the same time. Then, out of a deep need for protection, I said, "No. He won't hurt me. Don't worry." I managed a smile and held out my hand. "Now come, we have to hurry."

Hanabi nodded, stood up, took my hand and I pulled her down the stairs to the ground floor and to the front door. It was risky. At any time, someone in the house could walk past us by chance and surely most of them knew that Hanabi had to stay here. But I had to take this risk. We didn't have time to use my escape route out of the window, not in daylight and not when the guards in the house were reinforced because of the visit of a high-ranking yakuza. I just had to hope that luck was on my side.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Hanabi asked in a whisper as she sneaked after me.

"To a friend. You can trust him." 'I hope so,' I added in my mind. This was his baptism of fire and I still didn't know if it was right, but I couldn't think of anyone else who I had faith in to protect Hanabi.

We crept through the hallway and I heard footsteps behind us with every tap of our toes. But no one came. Quietly I opened the front door and just at that moment Itachi turned around the property wall and was about to open the gate, when I raised my hand and shook my head. Just one step onto the gravel path and he was captured by the cameras. I pulled Hanabi behind me to the gate.

Itachi looked at me irritated. "Hi. What's going on?"

"I don't have time for explanations," I said quickly and pushed my sister off the property. "Hide Hanabi, no matter where. She must not be found by my father in the next few hours." Itachi's face darkened, but he listened intently. "Protect her with your life. If you do that for me, we'll be even. I will never ask you for anything again."

"What about you?" Itachi asked, putting his arm around Hanabi's shoulder to pull her closer to him, as if to offer her a shield. "Why don't you come with us?"

I looked at his face in silence for a few seconds and then lowered my head. "I have to do this. And now go before they become aware of you and stop you."

Itachi nodded. "I'm waiting for your message. Tell me his name, and I'll know it's you."

"Yes." With a huge stab in my stomach, I watched them go around a corner and disappear. Please, all you Gods, please don't let that have been a mistake. Please don't let my feelings deceive me.

Just as quietly as I had opened it before, I closed the front door again and crept back upstairs. Four minutes left until Sukunai would notice Hanabi's disappearance. The seconds just flew by. In our small bathroom, I let hot water run out of the tap, added ten spoons of the exquisite honey essence, undressed, put my hair up into a loose bun and climbed into the tub. The heat scalded my skin, but my mother had explained to me that it was necessary for the pores to open and be cleansed.

I sat in the bathroom and waited. The minutes passed; my skin swelled up as usual. Was she late? Had they suspected anything? Wouldn't Sukunai come at all, because they were already looking for my sister?

Then I finally heard footsteps from Hanabi's room. "Hanabi? Daughter?" Never before had I been so happy to hear my mother's voice.

"Okaa-san, I am here," I answered firmly. Good. From now on, I was not allowed to show any weakness.

The door, which I had unlocked earlier, opened and Sukunai stopped abruptly when she saw me in the tub. "Hinata? What are you doing here?"

"I am attending the meeting in Hanabi's place."

"Excuse me? But Hiashi said that Hanabi was specifically requested. She even got a kimono for this meeting."

"I know, but I will not let that happen." At the last word, my voice broke a little. It cost me all my courage to do this. But it was necessary. For the sake of my sister.

"You foolish child," Sukunai said, shaking her head. "You know nothing. You only get your father into trouble, not to mention yourself. That will have an aftermath."

"I am aware of that."

"Where is Hanabi? What did you do to her?"

"I hid her. You will not find her, at least not until the meeting is over. She is coming back, do not worry. And I will bear the consequences for my actions. It has nothing to do with her."

"Ks," Sukunai blurted out and shook her head again. "You are a disappointment as a daughter. If you were intelligent enough, you would not have done anything. That can cost you your life."

"I know.."

"Then why do you do it, Hinata? If you know what is in store for you, what punishment awaits you, why do you oppose your father's instructions? Why did you not at least flee with Hanabi? That would have been understandable if you want to demonstrate your disloyalty to us."

"I am doing damage control," I answered firmly. "My escape would have been of no use to anyone. Father's success is important to me. I cannot let any of his deals fail because of me, that is why I am still here, but I cannot let Hanabi get hurt either, if I can prevent it. My loyalty belongs to my family, everyone in it. Hanabi is too young for something like that, she cannot handle it, I can. I know that Isshiki Ootsutsuki wanted Hanabi and presenting me instead is a risk. But I am willing to take it. Someone has to be here for this man and only I am capable of it. If I can satisfy him, father will spare Hanabi. And that is what counts for me. The Gin'nome-kai is your top priority, and I am sorry I have something to put above it. But my sister must not be hurt. I will not let that happen, even if it means incurring father's resentment." I added a convincing sob and closed my eyes. If I had had something in my stomach, I would have vomited because of my own words.

Sukunai was silent. She turned away from me. Had I convinced her? If not, at least I had given my best. My performance was Oscar-worthy in my eyes.

"Get out of the tub, Daughter, you are ready for the oil."

Dressed in a dark blue kimono and with my usual make-up, I had been kneeling in the room next to the meeting room for half an hour. My heart was racing constantly. I had already panicked before Madara last week, but that was no comparison to what I felt now. Sukunai would tell Hiashi after the meeting what I had done, that was for sure. It would get to me – the only question was to what extent.

Nevertheless. It was worth it to me. I would go through hell for Hanabi and I was just standing at its gates. It was only a matter of time before they would open.

I closed my eyes and tried to lessen my fear of what was coming by thinking about King. I imagined him sitting in the corner on the chair and talking to me soothingly, assuring me that everything would be fine, that he would be there for me. That actually helped a little.

Next door, the subdued conversation fell silent. My heart beat even faster. Breathe in, hold, exhale. A soft whirring announced the sliding door and someone entered the room. Another whirring. Then a disparaging "Kst." Heavy steps went to the mini-bar and the man poured himself some of the alcohol. He drank and put down the glass. "That damn Hiashi Hyuuga. What a hypocrite. Spits big sounds and promises me something he can't keep."

I did my breathing exercises. My only fear right now was that Ootsutsuki would cancel this and complain to my father. I had to keep him here, show him that he had nothing to regret – as much as it disgusted me.

Slowly I raised my head and looked at him. In front of the small table stood a man who was not much taller than me. He could have looked ridiculous, but his appearance was frightening despite his short height. He had pale skin, an angular face, a rather wide nose, dark gray hair neatly gelled back, a dark beard, and his unequal eyes—one gray, the other blind and completely scarred—spoke of arrogance and snideness. I shuddered, but unlike my first meeting with Madara, this was in no way due to anything other than fear. "Ootsutsuki-sama, please forgive my father for this inconvenience. He did not know about the change of plan before meeting you. My sister has fallen ill unexpectedly and is not in a condition to keep you company, so I am stepping in for her. I will do everything I can to satisfy you."

Ootsutsuki raised his thick, black eyebrows. "How unfortunate. I was already excited about the little one."

Only with difficulty did I suppress a choking. "I understand that you are displeased. I apologize to you on behalf of the Hyuuga family."

With a heavy sigh, Ootsutsuki began to unbutton his shirt. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," I answered, recognizing a disapproving sparkle in his one intact eye. This guy disgusted me and I would have liked to ram my flower clasp into his neck.

"You have to make an effort, woman. I'm not in a good mood." I nodded, got up and was about to approach him, when he raised his hand. "No. Lie yourself on the bed, face down. You have too much bust size for my taste, that doesn't arouse me."

I stopped myself from grimacing in disgust but obeyed. With my stomach first, I lay down, gripped the clean, lavender-smelling sheet tightly with both hands and closed my eyes when I felt the mattress lowering next to me. Please, Itachi.. Please watch out for Hanabi!

Rarely in my life had I shed a tear at meetings. Some would call it strength, but in truth it was deafness. I didn't face my feelings, rather I didn't let myself have any in the first place. That usually made it easier. Only a few men had managed to break me so far. Isshiki Ootsutsuki was one of them. Maybe it had been his manner, or his size, which was out of proportion to his physique, or simply the brutality he had displayed. I had forced myself not to think anything during that time, but I had failed. With every sentence he had uttered, images had appeared in my head; pictures of children, much younger than me, who felt the same way as I did because of him. I should have just killed him. He would have deserved it. And I would have saved so many souls who would still have to suffer because of this devil.

As I had sat next to the bed, with a torn kimono, a bleeding vagina and a crying face, I hadn't thought about Hiashi anymore. That wasn't until Ootsutsuki had disappeared and a few minutes had passed that the door to the hallway had opened and my father had dragged me to my feet, slapped me in the face so that my nose bled, and yelled at me. I hadn't been able to absorb any of it. As soon as I had seen his silver irises in front of me, my only thought had been Hanabi. I had to go to her. I had to see if she was safe, if she was okay, if my trust in Itachi was justified.

After two more punches in my face and also a strong one against my stomach, Hiashi had let me go again. His last words before he had left the room had been, "Make sure your sister shows up here again, you bitch!"

Yes, I would. I had to. I couldn't leave her to herself.

How I managed to clean myself and change afterwards, I couldn't say. Apparently, my brain worked well in auto mode. Now I stood in front of the entrance gate in the light of the next streetlamp and took my cell phone out of my pocket with trembling fingers. I opened the chat window with Itachi, which only contained my message from a few hours ago. I closed my eyes for a moment. What had he said? "Tell me his name, and I'll know it's you." For a painful moment I didn't know who he meant, but then luckily I remembered. I typed: [Shisui. Where are you?]

Immediately the message was read and as an answer followed a picture that I could only look at once. I clicked on it. He had photographed a piece of paper with an address. It was located between the Hyuuga estate and the Ame Club on a side street. I set off.

The cool evening air was good for my swollen face, but everything in and on me hurt. Only a spark of hope didn't let me break down. Even though I felt so weak, I reached the address Itachi had sent me and looked up at the wall of the house. It wasn't necessarily run-down here, but the building didn't look particularly noble either. Just plain. I dialed Itachi's number. After two toots, he took off. "Has anyone followed you?"

Tired, I looked around. "I.. I don't think so.." To be honest, I hadn't even paid attention to it.

Itachi grumbled softly. "I buzz you open. No one is allowed to see who lives here, otherwise I would come down. Third floor."

"Okay.." The lock buzzed and I pushed the front door open. It was cold and dark in the stairwell, but I didn't turn on the light, otherwise one could see my shadow from the outside. Upstairs on the third floor were two doors, both locked. I looked at them alternately and wondered if I should ring somewhere, when the left of them opened. "Come in," Itachi's voice said. Without a word, I scurried into an unlit, narrow hallway. Behind me it clicked and immediately a pleasant scent of wood and Itachi himself enveloped me. Without hesitation, I turned around and threw my arms around his neck.

His strong hands rested on my shoulders and caressed me gently. "It's all good, Hinata, it's all good..", he whispered darkly in my ear.

I exhaled trembling. "Thank you so much, Itachi. I.." My voice broke. I dug my face against his warm neck, on which his artery pulsed quickly but reassuringly.

Itachi hugged me tighter. "I'm here.."

Sniffling, I clawed at his neck, certainly tore out some of his soft hair, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be held by him, to feel his closeness, the security he radiated.

"Hina-oneesan?" asked an anxious voice behind me. I flinched, broke away from Itachi and pounced on my sister, who was quietly gasping for air at the force of my embrace. "Hana-neechan.. Oh God... My little sister... I..." I also broke away from her and looked into her dim face. "Are you okay?"

Hanabi nodded. "Yes. Itachi-san is really nice. He let me watch TV for the last few hours."

I smiled. "You're not allowed to do that much at home.."

"No," Hanabi giggled. "Is.. is everything ok again?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "Yes, the man is gone. You don't have to be afraid anymore. Come, I'll take you home. There will be dinner soon."

"Mhhh, I'm starving!" She folded her arms indignantly. "Itachi-san hardly has food here and he didn't want to order anything."

"What a bad host," I said in an amused tone, casting a playful glance over my shoulder to Itachi.

"Mh-hm, exactly my words," Hanabi agreed with me.

I patted my sister on the head. "Well, then it's good that mother cooks unagi today."

Despite the darkness, I could see Hanabi's eyes glowing. "Yes! That sounds fantastic! But.. You don't like that, so for you it's shit."

"No," I waved it off, "everything is fine. Be happy about your eel. I'm not very hungry today anyway and rice without sauce is also ok."

Hanabi burst out laughing. "If you say so.."

I grinned broadly. "Come on, put on your shoes, otherwise father will be angry."

"And we don't want THAT," Hanabi said as she walked past me to the genkan.

"No, we don't want that..", I murmured and had to fight back tears. It was hard to play the tough one in front of my sister and not to scream loudly because of my pain in my abdomen and face.

"Hinata," Itachi said quietly. He had approached me silently and was now standing directly behind me. "You don't have to go back."

"Yes," I replied and turned to him, "yes, we do."

I could see Itachi's eyes widening in shock. "Hinata.. Your face.."

He touched my cheek gently, but I took his cool hand in mine and pulled it away from it. "It will heal."

"Who did this to you?" he asked in a lowered voice. It was clear that he wanted to avoid Hanabi hearing him.

"My father," I whispered back. "He wasn't thrilled that I was attending this meeting in Hanabi's place."

"Shit.. Hinata, honestly, I can't let you go back there. My job is to take care of your physical integrity, and I obviously can't do that if you're not even safe from your own father."

"But I have to go back."

"Why?"

"You're an Akaiisan-kai, as if it was different in your clan. They don't let anyone go just like that, especially not when they are the boss's daughters. I had to protect my sister, so I did that today. She would have broken because of it, and I didn't want to let that happen. I can bear it, she can't. But if we ran away, they would find us. As long as my father holds this power, there is no place for us to be safe. He would set anyone he has on us, simply because we know too much, especially me. Hiashi punished me for today and I didn't defend myself. It was a calculated risk. There were only two possible outcomes: Either I can't convince Hiashi that I'm loyal to him, he killed me and looked for Hanabi. Or, and fortunately this has happened, he believes my lie, I take beatings for my disobedience, but I can protect Hanabi in this way. My face is nothing compared to what my sister would have experienced, believe me. It went perfectly." Carefully, I put my hand on Itachi's cheek and stroked his smooth skin with my thumb. "Honestly, my biggest fear was that I couldn't trust you. But you proved to me today that my worries were unfounded. So: Thank you, Itachi. With all my heart." I pressed a kiss on his other cheek, lingered with my lips a little longer than necessary and finally smiled up at him again before I left his apartment, Hanabi at my side.

Down on the road, Hanabi took my hand and we slowly walked back to the Hyuuga estate. "Hina-oneesan..?"

"Huh?"

"Does your face hurt a lot?" she asked softly.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It's not as bad as it looks," I lied.

"Father mustn't know that I was with Itachi, right?"

"Yes.. Itachi is my bodyguard. He is under father's command, but he is on our side."

"Yeah, I think he is."

We walked in silence for a few minutes, when Hanabi asked quietly, "What if the man comes back and hurts you again? Or me?"

I stopped abruptly. I blinked a few times and turned my gaze to my sister's eyes, which were so incredibly similar to mine. There we were. Two sisters, both condemned to be a Hyuuga who couldn't escape their fate. She was right, it couldn't go on like this forever. Maybe next time I wouldn't be there or failed. It had to end, once and for all. But it required courage from me, which I had to muster for the sake of my sister. It was our only option. I had to trust Genma.

My clenched finger hovered over the call button. For almost a minute, I had been staring at the number I had typed from the piece of paper in my opal necklace. I couldn't say why I hesitated. After the taciturn dinner, I had disappeared straight into my room, laid down on my futon and had been so eager, but now panic held me tightly. I knew I had to do this for Hanabi's sake, but it was harder than I expected. There were still these doubts in me as to whether that was actually right. I didn't have much of a choice, nevertheless. What if I only made everything worse?

My screen darkened and I swiped over it, touched the green button and immediately the text appeared, "Call is being set up ..." From the upper speaker came a soft crackle. I hurriedly held the phone to my ear and tried to calm my racing heart.

The tooting stopped. "Mhhh..", a deep, bassy voice growled. And instantly my chest warmed. "Yes?"

My throat tightened. I stared at my ceiling and felt the guilt growing inside me. He sounded sleepy. Had I woken him up? Was I a burden to him? He didn't want to help me—

"Hello?"

"Uh.. Genma. This is Hinata. Hinata Hyuuga." I felt I had to make that clear.

A short silence, then Genma asked, "Hinata..? You.." He cleared his throat muffled and this noise alone confused my brain. I didn't want to think such things, not after today's events. How sick was I?! "Why are you calling me?" It didn't seem like an actual question, because he should know why. Rather, it seemed that he wanted to hear what I had to say from my mouth and that he would not give me any decisions.

"I.. I.." Inhale. Hold. Exhale. "I want to talk to you about my father."

"Do you have lectures tomorrow?"

"Y-yes.."

"Okay, we'll meet at a quarter past nine at the entrance to the university library. Then we'll talk," he said softly.

"All right. I'll be there."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

"Ah, Genma?" I asked before he could hang up. "Yes?" he murmured and I closed my eyes. "Thank you."

"Hm," he laughed and sent a shiver down my spine. "For what? I haven't done anything yet."

"For yesterday."

Silence.

"Genma?"

"Yes!" He cleared his throat again. "Yes.. You're welcome. But now sleep well, Hinata."

"Yeah, thank you, you too."

We hung up. Had it been that simple? Or would the fear still come? Surely it would.

As if in an automatism, I opened my-desire. A small, green dot on a faceless profile picture only made my heart beat faster.

be_my_ace: [King..?]

King_size94: [Buttercup? Still online so late? You're a little night owl, aren't you?]

be_my_ace: [Yes.. I can't sleep.]

King_size94: [Why is that?]

be_my_ace: [Today was high tide again..]

King_size94: [Shit.. Is there anything I can do for you?]

I could hardly see the screen because of all the tears.

be_my_ace: [I'd like to hug you, King..]

King_size94: [You will soon, Buttercup.]

be_my_ace: [Please, don't get my hopes up right now. It hurts enough for me, so I don't need this further longing..]

King_size94: [I'm serious. I realized something yesterday when you said 'Buttercup' was your second identity. I also want to know your first one. My life is going haywire right now, but I want to see you. I want to meet you, Buttercup. I don't know when and where and how, but I don't want to wait any longer. I want to see your face and know your name and I want to show you all about me. I don't want any more nights like this, when I know you're sad and I can't comfort you the way I want to. I want to take you in my arms, hold you, give you closeness. I want you, in flesh and blood.]

My heart cried out to agree. I finally wanted my King by my side. But my mind knew that I couldn't. Not the way things were going at the time. Today had shown me how dangerous my world was and how I could hardly protect the people in it. Letting someone I loved as much as King in was irresponsible. What I had to write hurt me, but my mind told me it was necessary.

be_my_ace: [King.. For the last two years, I have wished for nothing more than for you to say exactly that to me. I always wanted to see you, meet you. But I can't. Not now. I don't know how long my tide will last, but it threatens to sweep me away, and if I let you near me, you'll fall victim to it too. I want to prevent that by all means. The storm in my life has to subside before I grant you access to it. I know I've always been the one who pushed you to do something, even though I thought I was patient. And fuck, just now I wish things were different, because that would mean that I can finally be close to you. But it is what it is, and as long as it doesn't change, I can't meet you. King, I promise you I'll make sure the tide goes out soon. Now I demand patience from you, although I never wanted to.]

King_size94: [I understand, Buttercup, and I'll be patient. I'll just wait with my umbrella.]

A smile played on my lips and my heart overflowed with affection for this man. A single tear left the corner of my eye and I breathed deeply with vibrating lungs.

be_my_ace: [I love you so much, King, you can't imagine..]

King_size94: [If it's only half of my love for you, then it's more than any other human being would be capable of..]

be_my_ace: [Do we have another date on Friday?]

King_size94: [From my side, always.]

be_my_ace: [Then I want to show you my face, King. Even if that could mean that you run into me somewhere and recognize me – if this were to happen, it would be a sign of fate for me that the time is ripe for us and that we are able to weather this storm together.]

King_size94: [That sounds like a big step, but I'm willing to take it, Buttercup. I want to show you my face too. Friday. At eight.]