09: Unchain.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017, morning

Even before Kou's daily wake-up call at seven, I was up. I stood in front of the mirror in Hanabis and my bathroom and carefully dabbed my wounds on my face with a cooling gel that helped against bruising. My sister was still asleep and after yesterday's events I would do the devil and wake her up, intentionally or unintentionally. I had spent my night in a twilight state like every time anyway and at some point I thought to myself, why not get up and use the time until the wake-up call to take care of my disfigured face.

Hiashi had never abused me like that. In the past, as a child, there had been blows with the riding crop on my bare buttocks when a surplus grain of salt had gotten into the dough or I hadn't hit a note while playing the piano, but he had never freaked out that much until now. My face looked terrible. My stomach had also taken a beating, which I also generously coated with horse ointment. Hopefully the bruises would have healed well enough by Friday, otherwise I had to come up with something so that King wouldn't ask questions when he saw me like this. I wanted to show him my face, not to serve up my living conditions.

With a much too expensive, but unfortunately also much too good foundation, I covered the dark areas on my face and just as I had set it with powder and put mascara on my eyelashes, I heard the knock. "Hinata-sama?"

I turned in the mascara brush and looked at my red and aching eyes. In them, the lack of sleep was clearly noticeable. How long would I actually hold out until I collapsed?

"Hinata-sama?!", Kou asked again, a little more panicked.

"Yes," I called back in a low voice.

"Are you okay?"

Sure. What a question. He knew what had happened yesterday. "Yes..", was my unconvincing answer.

That was enough for him. Understandable, he wasn't my headshrinker. On the other side of the tiled wall, I heard muffled footsteps, and behind the locked door to Hanabi's room, I heard him ask, "Hanabi-sama?"

"Yes!" my sister replied immediately. So she was already awake. How did she feel? I hardly had time to talk to her. We had to go downstairs for the traditionally silent breakfast and then I went straight to the university. Since I was no longer homeschooled, we hardly saw each other and that's why our evening conversations were so important to me. Neither of us should forget that we were not alone in this hell, she probably even more than me. I was almost used to being on my own, but Hanabi needed her big sister to protect her. For the first time in ages, I felt the numbness in me subside. At some point I didn't care what happened to me, whether I died or not, but for Hanabi's sake I had to be strong. She needed me, she would never get out of here alone. And two of my kind were two too many.

Kou moved away and would now finish his tour of the house as he did every morning by checking all the windows and doors and starting the shift change with Tokuma and Iroha, who took over the surveillance of the estate during the day as well as Hiashi's escort. This house worked like clockwork, although its ticking sounded to me more like that of a time bomb that only worked against me and where it was only a matter of seconds when it went off. My make-up made me look completely normal again to untrained eyes, but a huge storm was raging inside me. Today was the day when I would resist. I was a little itchy to inform Madara about it, just to see his reaction to this news. I should have listened to him much earlier, then I would have been spared a lot. My meeting with Genma today was overdue, and I would tell him everything I could think about. I knew many of my father's dirty secrets, and none of them were to remain one. He should pay for letting a man like Isshiki Ootsutsuki into this house.

"Itte kimasu," I murmured as I stepped out of the front door an hour later at Itachi's side. He was quieter than usual that morning and I guessed what was burning on his soul. We both knew that we couldn't talk about it near the house, but there was no opportunity on the bus on the way to the university either, because it was full of students as usual and we couldn't risk anything. So we didn't speak a word to each other until we finally sat in the lecture hall for Ebisu-sensei's lecture on the sociology of law. In a quarter of an hour I was to meet Genma. I hadn't been able to tell Itachi what I was up to, and I wasn't sure how many details I could reveal. Itachi thought Genma was my boyfriend, so I would definitely have to clear up this misunderstanding if I wanted to be honest with him, but would that be in Genma's interest? I didn't want to cause him any trouble that would end up putting him in need of an explanation. I should clarify that beforehand, so I took out my cell phone and wrote in the otherwise empty chat with Genma: [Hinata here. Is Itachi Uchiha allowed to know your true identity?]

Even before I had locked the screen, I saw that the hooks were turning blue. So Genma had read the message. I expected to get a clear answer within the next few seconds, but it took a full ten minutes, during which I gradually became more and more nervous, until the device in my hand finally vibrated. His answer was: [If it can be avoided, no. I would like to keep my mask.]

[But that would be obvious. He does not leave my side and in this way we cannot have a conversation in private. He would become suspicious.]

[Just ask for a little togetherness with your boyfriend :} I'm sure he understands.]

All of a sudden, my ears got quite warm. This smiley.. No. Many people used it. It was merely a form of representing a mischievous grin. Although I had to confess that lately, when King had used it, I had imagined Genma's grin from the day we first ran into each other. He simply had this perfect mixture of playful flirting and at the same time an unmistakable coolness when he lifted the corners of his mouth with his toothpick, the right one higher than the left, and showed that certain glow in the deep brown eyes.

Unnoticed, I shook my head. Now was not the time to think about King and Genma's similarity regarding emojis or Genma's casual attractiveness. Neither had a place in my head right now, if I should rather think about an excuse that I could serve up to Itachi.

I turned my head and looked at the profile of my bodyguard. Yesterday he had shown me that he was trustworthy and that he was not loyal to my father, but to me. But Genma said he'd rather keep his masquerade, so I had to lie to Itachi, even though I didn't like it. He didn't deserve it. Hesitantly, I nudged him. "Itachi?" I whispered, without drawing any further attention to us.

He leaned closer to me, but kept his gaze wandering around the room, as if he suspected a threat in every student present here.

"I have to be alone for the next hour."

His face moved in my direction and it clearly showed what he thought of it. "No, Hinata. I shall not leave your side. And I will never do that again after yesterday."

'Never again?' it shot into my head and I tried to ignore the interested tingling in my navel area. Instead, I cleared my throat quietly and said in a firm voice, although I wouldn't have been surprised if I had stuttered, "I want to meet my boyfriend secretly."

Itachi frowned. "Your boyfriend..?"

"You know, the one from Monday. Genma."

His eyelid twitched briefly and I wondered what this minimal reaction meant. "Meet.."

"Yes."

"Why?"

My ears glowed harder. "I-I.. Well.." Now I stuttered again. Genma wanted to keep his mask, so I had to drop mine. Not a fair exchange, I thought. "We have a.. well, a fantasy, you know?"

Meanwhile, his brows almost disappeared into his hairline. "What kind of fantasy?"

Good heavens, was he really that uptight or was he just pretending?! I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment and muttered quickly, as if it would make it less embarrassing, "We want to have sex in the university library. Role-playing and shit. He's the professor, I'm the student. I mean.." I simply decided to address the obvious fact. "He's older than me and since I've been going to university, that's kind of a good idea, isn't it?"

Itachi's eyes darkened. "So it's your fantasy to fuck your professor in the library?"

Shit. Expressed in this way, Kakashi's face inevitably appeared in front of me. "Uh.." I swallowed hard. "Well.." There was no escape from this predicament. After all, I had to formulate it exactly like that, I stupid cockroach. "Yes," I said firmly.

For ten beaten seconds, Itachi didn't react, until he finally took a deep breath and said quietly, "Interesting. So borderline stupid athletes are not your type, but at least I was right about the library. I know girls of your age quite well, although you still put a cherry on top with your daddy issues." What the.. What was the matter with him all of a sudden?! "Do I have to accompany you there?"

"Do you want to watch?", I asked back snippily. "Is that your kind of kink? Watching people screwing?"

The red in Itachi's eyes now resembled two large pools of blood and had lost all further glitter. "You? Certainly not. So get off and let your professor daddy take care of you so that you can come to your senses."

With such words, I almost wished Isshiki Ootsutsuki back. From Itachi's mouth it no longer sounded spiteful in his usual way, especially since I had fallen into the mistaken belief that we had come closer to each other in the last few days, no, he rammed a knife into my chest with it. It almost felt as if I had just lost a friendship that had lasted for years. "You know what? I will. And in the meantime, just fuck yourself, Itachi."

Without giving him another look, I got up, crept out of the lecture hall and into the ground floor to the library. Genma was already waiting for me in front of the double swinging door, as usual in his dark jeans, this time a fir-green T-shirt, although it also had the strange habit of looking a bit too small and simply showing off far too much of his athletic body – honestly, he didn't need to put one on at all. In the raised corner of his mouth hung a toothpick, on which he played a little with his tongue when he saw me. Unintentionally, I thought of his smiley, and even more unintentionally, I wondered if he might be King.

"Hey, Hinata, how are you today?" he grinned, threw a peace sign at me and I panted briefly at his bassy voice. Fortunately, I generally seemed a bit out of breath, so this highly inappropriate noise was not noticeable. "Um.. Quite good." I cared no more about my lustful thoughts towards him. My vagina would react in the appropriate moments even without my will, so I couldn't do anything more about it. I was deeply into him, what could I say. But he also looked damn good with his thick eyebrows, the always slightly squinted, somewhat tired eyes.. Ugh, Hinata, you're here for a reason, and it's not to pine at Genma.

"Fine. I've already looked around" – of course he had, he was a good Tanuki – "there's no one inside except us, they're probably all in lectures or sleeping off their drink. Nevertheless, we will hide in one of the reading rooms, just to be on the safe side."

I nodded and followed him. The reading room was equipped with a small seating area, a table with chairs and an empty trolley on which one could cart loads of books if you wanted to read more than mere mortals could. "How would you like it?" Genma asked, and when I stared at him wide-eyed, he added, "The conversation. The topic of the next hour will be unpleasant enough, you should be comfortable."

"Oh, yeah..", I murmured and once again I was glad that I wore my hair down, otherwise Genma would easily guess how embarrassed I was to have thought of anything other than a conversation. "Um, well.. The couch? Is that ok?"

"I'm completely guided by you," Genma smiled and we sat down opposite each other on the small, ink-blue sofas. "Well," Genma said with a long sigh. "May I record this? After all, your testimony serves the investigation and I'll be honest, my memory is not good enough to remember everything you're going to tell me."

"Sure," I murmured, but before he could press the red button on the recorder app on his phone, which he had placed between us on the low table, I hurriedly said, "Uh, Genma, wait a second."

He raised his gaze. "What's wrong?"

"I.." Ears, please, I know myself how stupid this was. I bit my lower lip. "I wanted to apologize for kissing you just like that on Monday. That was inappropriate, I know."

"Oh, yeah, that," Genma said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yes, I wanted to talk to you about that too. But it's good that you broach it. I'm sorry I embarrassed you with my play. It's just that I simply reacted in that moment. I saw Madara and immediately switched to alarm mode. I don't know what he wanted, but the situation didn't necessarily seem harmless to me. You looked scared.." Scared? Not rather.. completely horny? Interesting. ".. and my first intuition was to play your boyfriend to be able to ask you non-verbally if he was threatening you."

"That was really smart, I mean it," I praised him.

He grinned his :} grin again. "Thank you. I have a talent for something like that. My weakness is only my hothead, my boss also complains constantly. I don't think hard enough about something like that and afterwards I wondered how you must have fared. That's why I wanted to talk to you anyway, just to apologize."

"Admittedly, I was a bit taken by surprise" – Genma snorted, as if 'taken by surprise' was an understatement in his opinion – "but it was okay. It has served its purpose. And it served me well today, so I could scare off my bodyguard so that he wouldn't follow me."

Genma frowned. "You went through with the togetherness? I honestly only meant it as a joke. I wondered where he was anyway. Somehow I would have been able to cope with him."

"Don't worry, he's my shadow, not yours. And he knows you as 'my boyfriend', so I just took advantage of that and told him I would have kinky sex with you in the library." It was amazing how calmly I could say that. Otherwise, I always behaved like a completely messed up dry crack on the subject, at least outside of the Ame Club. I mean, somehow I was, at least the messed up, but more in the other direction. My brain was anything but prudish.

Genma, on the other hand, now clearly showed his discomfort. A delicate shimmer of pink had settled on his cheeks and he lost his toothpick because his jaw dropped. "Ah fuck," he grumbled, fished it out of his lap and put it back in the corner of his mouth. "Did you really say that?"

I nodded silently.

"Huh," he said in a tone I couldn't interpret. "Oh well. He doesn't need to know what we're doing here."

"I don't think he wants that either," I smiled and somehow I enjoyed making rather casual man in front of me nervous.

Genma gave me a quick flick of his eyes before he obviously avoided my gaze again and stared at a point on the wall somewhere behind me. "Well, we should start, we don't have much time left and you have a lot to tell."

"Mh," I nodded, watching Genma start recording, and emotionally prepared myself for what was to come.

After less than an hour, we hadn't even discussed a fraction of what I had to say. I had actually wanted to be brief when it came to my childhood and especially youth, also because the topic was so tiresome for me and I buried everything that had to do with it, including my death wish and the resulting psychological damage, deep in my personal grave. But as soon as Genma had heard what my father had forced me to do all these years, he had only wanted to talk about it and the meetings alone had filled more than three-quarters of an hour with horror.

Now Genma sat there, his face half buried in one hand, staring at his phone, which had been recording only silence for two minutes. Then finally he loosened his posture, stopped the recording and said quietly, "Hinata, it... Please forgive me. I can imagine that you now think I'm insensitive, but.." He sighed deeply. "We had no idea about anything like that. We already thought that you and your sister as daughters of a syndicate boss weren't doing very well, but that... that's.." He broke off, now ran both hands over his face and coughed slightly. "Shit."

"Yesterday it happened again," I murmured meekly and now tapped the red button for my part. The whole world should hear about it. "Yesterday I came home from university and my sister happily showed me that she got a kimono that she 'can' wear right on that day because father wanted to introduce her to business partners. I got her with the help of a.." – 'friend' sounded kind of wrong at the moment – ".. ally out of the house and participated in the meeting in her place. The man's name is Isshiki Ootsutsuki, a high-ranking member of the Kaminone-kai, who is known within the yakuza for human trafficking, especially children, whom he forcibly prostitutes, films having sexual intercourse with adult men and has them killed in front of the camera. He himself is often enough part of these snuff videos. I don't know what he would have done to Hanabi, but she mustn't get near him, so I sent her away. My father punished me for it."

"What did he do to you?"

"He beat me up. Normally, he doesn't do that."

"Shit, are you... umm.."

"I'm fine Genma, thank you," I smiled. "It doesn't hurt that much anymore. After all, we have remedies for something like that at home, if one of the men didn't just want to fuck me."

He ended the recording again. In his brown eyes I recognized an inhuman torment. "Hinata.. If you talk about it so easily, then—"

"It's my life, how else am I supposed to talk about it? Should I cry every time I think about it? Then I wouldn't do anything else. For my part, I have come to terms with it. I probably would never have contacted you if only I had remained the victim because I honestly don't care what happens to me. But then yesterday happened and I knew that it couldn't go on like this. Hanabi is next. Therefore, please, please Genma, do not let my trust in you be unfounded. My sister's life depends on you."

Genma nodded jerkily. "I will discuss it with my supervisor immediately, I swear. We'll see how we can get you out of there as quickly as possible. But please, if something like this should happen again, you get in touch, right? I can always come over and get you or just her or both of you. I made you a promise and I want to keep it."

I leaned forward and grabbed his slightly sweaty hand. "Thank you, Genma, from the bottom of my heart. But.." Absently, I stroked a vein on the back of his hand. Only subliminally did I notice how his eyes darted down and up again. "But.. Is that enough? My father did so much more. That was just.. well, me."

With an intense glow in his eyes, Genma clasped my trembling hands with his cool fingers and murmured, "Hinata, please do me a favor and never talk down your suffering. What your father did to you is unforgivable. And he will pay for it. If you're willing to meet with me again and talk about more, feel free to do so. The more we have in our hands against him, the better. The names you were able to give me are extremely helpful. Deputy Shimura, Director Sarutobi.." With the latter, he sucked in air with a hissing sound. Understandably, he had been very affected by the fact that the now retired head of the local police had a lot of dirt on his hands and had abused me as a fifteen-year-old. "Fuck.. We will investigate this, especially about this Isshiki. Such a monster must be stopped."

"No!" I blurted out and Genma flinched in surprise. "No..", I continued a little quieter. "If you get on his nerves right away, he'll know that I talked, and Hiashi will find out and he'll kill me."

To my surprise, Genma smiled. "Believe me when I tell you that I haven't just been doing this job since yesterday. I am well aware of how important the confidentiality of such information is, especially since you are in the greatest danger as an active informant and kinda key witness. You are a great help to us, but you also shoulder a great risk. We will evaluate the recording today and get to work. Tomorrow we will meet here again at the same time and continue talking. How does that sound?"

I couldn't help myself and had to laugh. "Then Itachi still thinks I'm toey. I mean, not that that's not true, but he doesn't need to know to what extent." My grin faded at Genma's expression. Again there was that dark red veil on his cheeks. "Shit. I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Uh.. yes..", Genma murmured and his fingers twitched. Only now did I notice that my hands were still in his, and I withdrew them. "It... I'm sorry.. I didn't want to.."

Genma took a deep breath and a hint of mint swirled towards me. "I.. better go now. So tomorrow same time, same place, kay?" He sounded a bit embarrassed, but at my nod he rose, waved goodbye and walked out of the small reading room, leaving me completely alone with the crackling tension. Had he felt that too? Or had it been my perverted brain again?

In the corridor to lecture hall 39-C, I met an extremely irritated Itachi in the hustle and bustle caused by the break gong. Hatred literally sparkled from his red eyes and he called out to me in an unnerved voice, "There you are. That was more than an hour."

"I'm sorry, we had to clean up our mess," I replied coldly. "How was the lecture?"

"Dry," Itachi replied.

I had to grin. "Huh, unlike me."

"Shut the fuck up," Itachi growled. He grabbed me a bit roughly by the forearm and maneuvered me towards the cafeteria. "You eat something now, then we'll sit through civil law and then I'll take you home. I don't feel like playing your games anymore."

With that, he made it more than clear to me that he was not in the mood for taunts. The Itachi of the last few days had completely disappeared. And that hurt. Silently I let him carry me into the large cafeteria, didn't even bother to think of excuses why I couldn't eat today, and finally took a seat next to him at one end of the long tables, where we were undisturbed. The next students sat a few chairs away. "Itachi, I.. –"

"Shut up and eat," he interrupted and chewed unnecessarily aggressively on a grain of rice from his kimchi onigri.

"Not until we have clarified this," I grumbled, leaving my own onigri with bean paste untouched. "What is your problem all of a sudden?"

Itachi's jaw tensed and thus he had a great resemblance to Madara, although they were, as far as I knew, only related over several corners. He visibly played with his tongue in his mouth, swallowed and said with a slightly audible tremor in his dark voice, "You want to know what my problem is?" He turned his head to me. "For the sake of your fine professor Genma and his cock you don't seem to care what danger you are in. I'm here for one reason, Hinata, and it's not to play your babysitter. I'm your bodyguard and as such I don't have to let you out of my sight when you leave the house."

I pinched my face a little. "In what danger do you think I am in?"

Itachi's brows twitched. "You are the daughter of Hiashi Hyuuga. Isn't that enough?"

"No," I answered stiffly. "I've been for over eighteen years. I know what makes that man tick and that's why I know you're not here to keep me safe."

"Oh no? Why then?"

"You tell me."

"I've already told you."

"But I don't believe you."

At this statement, Itachi let out a spiteful "Kst". I grabbed him by the forearm – my onigri remained untouched on the table, someone would release me from it – and pulled him out of the building into the extensive park area of the university. We walked a bit, none of us said a word, until we reached a large lime tree that stood so far away that no one could see us. With my arms crossed, I stood up in front of him.

"What's it going to be when it's finished?" asked Itachi with a highly Uchiha-like expression on his face. That's exactly how I knew this clan: conceited, sneering and arrogant.

"I want you to finally talk," I said firmly and assessed him angrily. "I know that you weren't made my bodyguard out of my father's sudden empathy for me. You're a fucking Akaiisan-kai, an Uchiha. So why does he allow his enemy to take care of his daughter? I as a human being are worth nothing to him, that should be clear to all of us, but why should I suddenly be under protection?"

"Because you've left the safety of your parents' house and no one but me can take care of you at the university, quite simply," Itachi said frustrated and crossed his arms as well. It certainly looked more impressive with him than with me.

"And why you of all people? Why not one of my clan? We also have a few guys who are well educated and look much too boyish. Why an enemy?!" I raised my arms and then let them flap loudly to my sides.

"I'm here on Madara's orders," he explained grimly, ignoring my insult. "What the two have to do is solely their business. Maybe it's some kind of cock-comparison between them, I don't know. Madara called me and on the same day I was in Hiashi's office. Madara's order is to consider Hiashi as my boss, at least temporarily; Hiashi's order is to keep an eye on you outside of the Hyuuga estate. Well," he laughed humorlessly, "I've failed at both, if you look at the last two days."

"Today I understand, but where did you fail yesterday?" I asked, partly curious, partly pissed off by this whole situation. It drove me crazy that Itachi could give me as few answers as I could myself. Unless, of course, he was hiding something from me.

Itachi's posture loosened up a bit. He rubbed his hair with one hand and whispered more than he said, "I deliberately stood up to Hiashi yesterday, even though I am supposed to be in bondage to him. You know what that means in our world."

Suddenly I felt ice-cold all over my body. I had taken Itachi's caution for trained paranoia, but yes, it had been more than appropriate because of both of our circumstances. I just didn't want to risk Hanabi's life when I'd stopped Itachi from stepping into the field of view of the property cameras. Unintentionally, I had also ensured his own safety. If Hiashi found out that Itachi had helped me, I would never see Itachi again, we were both aware of that, he probably more than me. At this realization, all anger between us had vanished in one fell swoop. He gave way again to this trust that I had missed so painfully since the evening before. Once and for all, I wanted to clarify something, something that would strengthen this trust forever. "Itachi? Are you on my father's side?"

It took him a long time to answer me. He shook his head only very briefly. I didn't need anything else. "Do you want to help me overthrow him?"

His arms were now completely detached, removing a physical blockage between us that was almost symbolic. There was a warmth in his red eyes that was not just an optical illusion because of the blazing sun in the sky above our canopy of leaves. He felt it too, I saw that. He felt the same trust as I did. Slowly he nodded. "With all the means necessary for this."

"Then please trust me."

"I do," he murmured.

I swallowed. My ears became uncomfortably hot and I couldn't take my eyes off Itachi's irises for even a second. "It's important that I'm alone with Genma again tomorrow. It's not a role-play or anything like that, believe me, but it's really important."

Itachi smiled softly. "It's okay, Hinata. I'm sorry I approached you like that. I was just jealous."

In my stomach, a thousand butterflies burst out of their cocoons and I asked softly, "Why?"

I noticed Itachi's gaze become a little longing and his breathing heavier. "Can't you imagine?" he whispered. His deep voice almost disappeared in the rustling of leaves above us as a shallow gust slid through the crown. Itachi brushed a swirling strand of hair behind my glowing ear and smiled as his cool fingers touched my auricle. He said nothing more and I was grateful to him. I couldn't hear anything anymore anyway. My head was buzzing as he leaned down to me, his hand still on my cheek. Our faces approached, his eyes fixed on mine. It seemed like he was waiting for me to pull back, maybe slapping him for what he was about to do, but I wasn't thinking of any of that right now . I allowed his nose to slide next to mine, and we closed our eyes at the same time.

His hot breath touched my lips before his did. At first it was only a gentle hint, just an innocent test to see if we both really wanted it. And just as we had previously broken eye contact at the same moment, we both decided that we wanted to. We increased the pressure of our lips, which met with soft, tender tones.

I felt Itachi put both of his hands on my shoulders and pulled me closer to him so that his hip briefly bumped against mine. This feeling ignited a fire in me that had only simmered before. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on tiptoe. His hands moved to my waist. I ran the tip of my tongue along his lower lip, asking for admission, which Itachi granted me. Our tongues met and I tasted the spiciness of the kimchi. It only aroused me more.

At that moment, I felt nothing but passion flooding through my body. There were no distractions, there were just Itachi and I, kissing each other, feeling our lips and tongues with only the slightest interruptions, making each other shudder slightly.

My fingernails dug into his fluffy, black hair at the back of his head, scratched lightly over the scalp and elicited a dark growl from him. We broke our constant kiss, breathing heavily against each other's moist, heated mouth. For a moment, our lips touched again as if to confirm that we were really both standing here, intertwined, and had enjoyed it. My fingers, still in his hair, squeezed a little and I wanted to formulate something that I couldn't really explain to myself, but he beat me to it. He whispered roughly, "Hinata.. What are we doing here?"

I opened my eyes and moved away from him a little, but didn't let him go yet. "Something we both want."

Itachi's eyes changed. They took on a coldness and discipline again, which he otherwise only showed when he worked, scrutinizing other people sharply and searching for weapons, identifying possible sources of danger, keeping an eye on escape routes and emergency exits. "Right, but that's something we shouldn't do." He jerked down on one knee, as if he were about to propose to me, but instead of the question that every romantically inclined person wanted to hear, he spoke loudly and tactfully, "Forgive me, Hinata-sama." An ice pick rammed into my heart next to the knife from earlier during this address. "I let myself be guided. That was unprofessional. You have every right to report me to your father about it."

"What..? Itachi, what—"

"Hinata-sama, do you want me to be replaced by a more capable bodyguard?"

"God fuck, look at me!", I mewed, also crouched down and lifted Itachi's head with both hands so that he had to look me in the face. "What's that all of a sudden?"

"I'm trying to maintain a professional relationship with you," he explained bluntly, and I didn't see any of the warmth in his irises, not even a tiny spark of the emotions he had conveyed to me through his kiss. Only what he added in a whisper let me guess where the change of heart came from. "Please.. Hinata.. We can't do that until this is over."

I jerked my head to understanding. "Okay. We just pretend that it didn't happen."

It hurt to say that, and it was even more painful when there was only a brief glimmer of melancholy in Itachi's eyes, which was immediately overshadowed by his stern manner. "Yes. We forget that."

And we did. At least I tried. Itachi apparently did this better than I did. He seemed hardly different from that momentous kiss under the lime tree, perhaps a little more distant, probably because he didn't want to allow such closeness again. I, on the other hand, felt how I longed for his touch, his kiss, yes, his whole body every time we were together. My flashes in the abdomen did not become less, on the contrary. Itachi lit it when he walked next to me and looked around vigilantly. Genma sparked it when we sat in the library's reading room for the next two days, I talked about Hiashi's business and he watched me, although I was unsure if he knew what expression was written in his glowing eyes. And Kakashi ignited it because on Thursday and Friday he looked like he had found his will to live again somewhere in the ugly green cardigans department, and that energy brought out his undeniable attractiveness that not even his behemoth of outerwear could pull down.

And Madara. Madara sparked it anyway every time I thought of him or heard his name. He didn't even have to be near me, nail me to his gaze with his piercing eyes, or growl in my ear with his dark voice what I wanted. His existence and any reminder of his irrepressible appeal were enough to drive me crazy.

Four men, four very different and yet very similar effects on me, and all four confused me immensely. My desire for them confused me. Rationally I wasn't allowed to get involved with either of them, but my libido didn't care. It bounced into the air in delight every time one of them appeared in my head.

I put all my hope in a fifth man who was the only one who could end the chaos in my brain, whom I loved and trusted unconditionally.

It was..

Friday, April 14, 2017, evening

I knelt in my closet with corset, spade necklace and butterfly mask in front of my laptop, which stood on the ottoman as usual. Everything was ready. I wore make-up to cover the last shadows of the wounds – and of course to be pretty. Some eyeshadow and eyeliner with mascara and foundation, I had never been so heavily made-up. But I had panicked whether it was too little, and then, three minutes ago to be precise, I couldn't do anything against it.

One minute to eight.

With a deep breath, I logged in. King was already online and wrote as soon as my own green dot appeared next to my profile picture: [Hey!]

be_my_ace: [Hi! Are you ready..?]

King_size94: [Like crazy * Even though I'm very nervous..]

be_my_ace: [My words! I'm just making use of the knowledge I've learned about how to avoid panic attacks.]

King_size94: [Haha, thanks to your friend!]

There was a short silence in the chat. My heart was pounding up to my throat. My whole body shook.

be_my_ace: [This silence is worse in writing than in any physical conversation :D]

King_size94: [OH! A smiley! From you?! Huh :} You really do have two identities.]

I took a deep breath.

be_my_ace: [Do you want to meet my first one?]

Heavens, this felt like the first sex for normal people. At least that's how I imagined it. Both wanted it, but no one really dared.

A video call was the answer to my question. Of course, I accepted it. The picture took some time to stabilize. King was dressed the same as usual: black cloth trousers, black button-front shirt, two buttons open, sleeves rolled up, and even the camera angle was the same. He had had the same idea as me: to show that you really were the person on the other end of the line, and then reveal the person behind it. Kind of cute, how similar we thought. As usual, King formed his peace sign, which had to remind me of Genma at that exact moment. I shook off this thought. I didn't want to think about it right now. This moment was for King alone. My King. The love of my life. Smiling, I waved into the camera. "Hi. Um.. It's all much more embarrassing than I expected, I have to admit."

A dark laugh emanated from the crackling loudspeakers, which sounded at the same time as the jolt of his chest. "Yes..", said a low, deep voice. I shuddered. He had his microphone on, just like that, without me having to beg him for it, while I rewarded him with an orgasm. So it was really serious. It would really happen now. I would see his face, perhaps learn his name. Would I be disappointed? How would I deal with it if I was disappointed? Would he see it in my facial expressions? And if I wouldn't I be disappointed, would I want to go on and meet him? And what if not?!

I felt the panic growing inside me, my brain going through every scenario that could happen in the worst case. To counteract this, I decided to simply throw myself in at the deep end. That's what we were here for, wasn't it? I cleared my throat and said with an unwanted stutter, "I-I'll start, ok?"

There came the shy Hinata, who was definitely undesirable with King! With trembling fingers, I began to undo the ribbon of the butterfly mask. My gaze was incessantly fixed on King's clasped hands, on which the veins cast their shadows. Courage, Hinata, you love each other. Left and right the loops fell off my ears, but I still held the mask up. "Ready for me, King?"

"Yes, Buttercup."

His timbre chased waves of passion through my bloodstream and gave me the necessary push. I took a deep breath, pressed my lips together, and lowered my hand with the butterfly mask that had been my protective wall for almost two years.

King's hands twitched. I could see his breathing stop for a moment. Was that good? No, right? He must found me ugly, disgusting, sickening—

I forced myself to smile. "Well.. yes, that's what I look like. Is.. that ok for you? Well.. Am I, well, pretty enough? I know that my scar is a bit.. well.. Yeah." I stroked the fine, pale scar that ran lengthwise under my left eye, although I wasn't even sure if he could see it at all with the poor camera quality. But somehow I thought it necessary to point it out to him.

When King still didn't say anything, his breathing was heavy, as I could see and hear very quietly, and his fingers had cramped into each other, I gave in to my nervousness and babbled, "W-well I have to confess, I'm a little more made up today than usual, somehow, yeah, I don't know, somehow I couldn't hold back and then everything happened and I didn't have time anymore. So if.. if you think my eyes are too accentuated, don't worry, I don't always walk around like that. It's.. not so usual for me." I laughed briefly.

Finally, King reacted. But not in the way I would have expected him to. He leaned forward, deactivated his microphone again and typed, but this time not on the cell phone, but below the camera on a keyboard: [I'm sorry, I can't do this.] Then the image disappeared and I only read with blurred eyes: "King_size94 has ended the broadcast"