Chapter Eleven
John sat down in the rocker and Maggie climbed up on his good knee. She was full of chatter, questions about Anna and the new baby, and information about their time at Downton. Johnny stayed by himself, not saying a word.
"Margaret Mary, why don't you run along and play with the others in the next room, hmm?" John slid her off his knee. "Go be Daddy's big girl."
Maggie scampered off and John turned his full attention to Johnny. "Come here, son," John said gently. When he was ignored, he dropped his tone so his words were gentle but still held authority. "John Robert, come here please."
Johnny knew that voice and he knew he best listen to it. He had only disobeyed that voice twice and he wasn't happy after. Johnny went to stand beside John, but said nothing.
"What's wrong, me lad?" John asked softly. "You're unhappy."
Johnny shuffled his feet but stood silent. John now understood how exasperating he could be when in a bad mood. "Johnny, I can't help you if I don't know why you are angry."
Johnny was trying not to cry. "I'm not…angry," the little boy sniffled.
John reached out and lifted Johnny's chin so he had to look at him. "Oh, I beg to differ with you. Your Mummy looks at me just like you're doing when she's cross with me. Can you tell me why you're cross with me?"
Johnny pulled back and showed his Bates temper with quick intensity. "Because you don't care about me and Maggie anymore! You only care about the new baby and she hurt Mummy!"
It physically hurt John to hear that. He knew what it felt like to feel unloved by one's father and even the illusion was a painful one. "Oh, my darling boy," John gasped and used his strength and size to grasp Johnny into a hug. The young boy battled his father's hold for a few seconds until he started to feel John gently swaying back and forth murmuring nonsense sounds to shush his tears. "Oh, me lad, I am.. is that what you think?"
John carefully moved until he was seated again with Johnny in his arms. "Listen to me now," he said after a few minutes of simply rocking his crying son. "There is no circumstance on earth that would ever, ever make me stop loving you. You are my son, my first born and my only boy and I will love you forever, no matter what happens, no matter what you do or say, no matter how many babies there are, no one will ever take your place in my heart."
Johnny wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Then…why have…you left us?"
John swallowed his own tears. How, in his desire to help Anna, had he failed his son so badly? "I didn't leave you. I was with Mummy and the baby, that's true, but not because I love the baby more. It was because while the baby was coming out of Mummy's tummy, things…Mummy got a little sick and Dr. Clarkson had to bring her and the baby to hospital to make them better. Daddy had to stay with Mummy because she was alone and scared, like you get when you don't feel well or you get hurt and you want Mummy and Daddy to make it better. So, I had to stay with Mummy until she felt better. Now Auntie Mary and Lady Cora are there and I get to be here with you."
"Then it's the baby's fault!' Johnny said with an air of indignance.
"No, me lad," John soothed. "Sometimes there is no fault, sometimes things just happen. When we get scared and cross like you feel now, we always want it to be someone's fault. It makes us feel better, but that's not right to do that."
John shifted Johnny so he could look directly into his son's blue eyes. "It's not right because this was no one's fault. It happened and there's nobody to blame. Do you understand? There is nobody to blame."
John reached a hand into his pocket and took out his handkerchief. He gently wiped Johnny's eyes and cheeks free of tears.
"Will Mummy be cross with me?" Johnny asked after a few beats. "Like she gets cross with you when you lose your temper?"
"You know about your Daddy's temper, do you?" John asked as he held back a chuckle. He had never, not once, lost his temper with his children nor his wife. It was other people that could make him lose his head at times. Especially Mr. Moseley.
Johnny laughed for a moment as well then John spoke again. "Mummy will not be cross. Mummy doesn't even have to know. This can be our special secret, just you and me. You can always come to me, Johnny, if there's something you feel or something you don't understand. I promise I'll always listen, I'll always hear you out."
Johnny took that moment to blurt out the question he had in his little mind since Tuesday. "Is Mummy going to die?"
"No," John replied. "No, Mummy is awake and she's feeling better. She has to rest and be very still and quiet even when she comes home until the doctor says otherwise. I'll need you to help me with Margaret Mary because she's too young to understand these things like we do. Can you do that?"
Johnny nodded, "Can I visit Mummy? I miss her."
"I will ask his lordship to get permission," John replied. "But that means you be a good lad, eat your tea, and go to bed when told with no fuss. Daddy will be home some nights, but some I'll have to stay with Mummy okay?"
Johnny worried his lip between his teeth, "I think you should stay with Mummy all the nighttimes because she might get scared. I'm a big boy, I'm not scared."
John felt his heart swelling with pride as Johnny spoke. "Well, that is so brave of you. We will see how that goes, but when I do stay with Mummy, what if I promise to come the next day for luncheon, just the three of us?"
Johnny nodded and threw his arms around John's neck. That sounded like a good deal to him.
"I can't get over how small she is," Cora cooed at the small bundle in her arms. "She gave you such a difficult time."
"It was worth it, m'lady," Anna replied. "But you already know that. Thank you both ever so for what you did for me and Elizabeth."
"Is that her name then?" Mary asked. "For sure? Bates said so but men are never certain about that."
Anna nodded, 'Yes. John…Mr. Bates chose the name to honor the Carsons. They have been so instrumental in the children's lives so far. Especially since neither Mr. Bates nor I have living parents. We see how important your ladyship and his lordship are in your grandchildren's lives."
Cora smiled slightly as she passed the baby to Mary. "It is something I never had, but I know from watching my own children with their grandmothers it is something very special."
"I'm sure Mrs. Hughes and Carson will be thrilled with your choice," Mary smiled as she inhaled Ellies new baby smell. "She will be by later today if she can get away. If not, I know she'll be here first thing tomorrow."
"I'm sure you are all exhausted," Anna sighed.
"We all had a rest to break things up," Cora reminded her. "Not like you and Bates. Lord Grantham said he didn't rest a moment."
Anna looked down at her lap. "I must scold him for that. He must care for himself if he wishes to care for us."
"Papa made sure he didn't go too far over the edge,' Mary soothed. "I imagine Mrs. Patmore will get him fed and Mrs. Hughes will slap him in bed after he sees Johnny and Maggie."
"I hope so," Anna whispered. She had always had a nearly unreasonable fear of John dying too early. She knew she would be widowed at one time in her life, John being so much older, but she feared deeply it could happen before it was time. She couldn't cope with that, she was part of John and he was part of her. They were one person, one couldn't live without the other. Not yet.
Anna had always felt the need to protect John. She never wanted to see him upset or hurt in any way, not since the first day she met him and everyone had treated him poorly in the servants' hall.
Anna sighed. She was getting so tired, but she wanted to feed her baby before she fell asleep again.
Anna didn't make it until Elizabeth cried for a feed. Her body was still too exhausted and she lost the battle. Mary returned the baby to the nursery and stayed with Anna. Tom came to take Cora home to rest. Robert was in the library working on the tenant accounts when Cora arrived home.
"How's Anna?" Robert asked as he gave Cora a kiss and cuddle.
"Tired, but her color is back and she was talking with us," Cora replied. "How's Bates?"
"He's asleep," Robert relayed. "Mrs. Patmore fed him a full English when he got here, then he saw the little ones. I told him he had no choice but to lie down before going back to the hospital, and when he didn't argue I knew how tired he was."
"They amazed me, both of them," Cora sighed.
"You amazed me," Robert whispered. "The way you supported Anna when Bates couldn't be with her. I know that was difficult even if it was 10 years ago."
Cora offered a sad smile. "She needed all of us to get her through. Anna mentioned something to me today and it struck home for me. We have been so incredibly lucky to have the people in our lives for as long as we have. Without their family here, from Downton, Anna and Bates have nobody. That's very sad."
Robert nodded his agreement. "Bates didn't have a father since he was a boy, and I think Anna's father died when she was very small. That's why Bates is so insistent on being active in the children's lives. He doesn't want his childhood repeated."
Cora laid her head against Robert's chest. "You know, I know."
"You know what?" Robert asked with his arms snuggly around Cora's frame.
"I know you have dropped titles in private," Cora replied. "I heard you calling each other John and Robert during Anna's labor. I think it's very special, the bond you share. With your parents gone, Rosamund, Isobel…we need more people in our lives we can call family, even if it isn't linked by blood."
Robert thought for a moment and pulled back. "We aren't linked by blood either yet there is no person in the world I love more. I would give up everything for you, my darling. You are everything to me. That just goes to show that while blood means a lot there are things that mean so much more."
Cora didn't have a reply to that, she simply pulled back and gave Robert a long, loving kiss telling him beyond any words how right he was.
A/N: I need to start updating more quickly. I think I'm up to Chapter 60 in my writing and there is still more story to tell. How did you like Daddy Bates?