CHAPTER 7: BREAKING AND CRASHING
Sasuke was running late. His sparring session with Kakashi had stretched far longer than expected, evolving into an ironic conversation about "assimilating into a normal lifestyle." It felt particularly absurd coming from a man who had retired to wander the village, often perched on tree branches, engrossed in those questionable, ever-present novels he carried everywhere.
Sasuke had to rush to the park where Sakura had gathered her friends and their kids for a 'short breather from life'; too much of life had been fed into him since the morning, even though he was a man devoid of life. His life was a lost dream; a tragedy which happened and didn't happen at the same time.
He rushed home, took a quick shower in the hollow quiet of his house, and set out for the park, his only pressing concern being Sarada's mood, which could go sour due to his late arrival. His daughter was satisfied with him until now, aside from the time when she ended up overhearing about Sakura and his argument.
The memory surfaced now as he navigated the shortcut through the village. It had been over something trivial—fireworks, of all things. Sakura had lashed out, frustrated by his late arrival to the show at Lover's Day festival, and in his usual blunt manner, he had dismissed it, saying they had still managed to watch the next round together.
But Sarada, who had heard everything, confronted him afterwards with a glare so fierce it mirrored his own. He could still see the look of disapproval on her face.
Finally, the park came into view, its wide arched entrance framed by a canopy of green. The air here was rich with the scent of damp earth and freshly cut grass. Birds chirped high above, their songs intertwining with the laughter of children and the soft rustle of leaves stirred by a warm, late afternoon breeze. Sasuke's eyes scanned the grounds, searching for the group—and he found them easily, thanks to the unmistakable sound of Naruto's boisterous laughter. Shit, even Naruto is here…and on time!
Under the shade of a sprawling oak tree, a checkered red blanket was spread out on the grass, covered with wicker baskets and bento boxes. Naruto sat cross-legged on the blanket, his Hokage cloak spread out behind him like a misplaced banner. Beside him, a woman was quietly adjusting the hem of her plum-coloured sundress, her midnight-blue hair blowing loose in the wind before she tied it back with a silk scarf. He recognized her immediately, after all, her movements were calm and deliberate, a quiet contrast to the chaotic energy of her husband.
"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura's voice rang out with an enthusiastic wave, drawing the attention of the group. Naruto turned, his grin wide as he saw Sasuke approaching.
"Oi, Teme, you're late!" Naruto yelled, his voice carrying across the park with his usual lack of subtlety.
"Kakashi talks too much these days," Sasuke muttered, as he joined them on the blanket.
Ino, lounging against the base of the oak tree, flashed him a smile. "Sit down, have some food. Most of it's already gone, though," she said with a teasing lilt in her voice.
Sasuke nodded and sat beside Sakura, "It is okay."
Sakura offered a bento box, revealing a multi-coloured assortment of fruits. He picked up a watermelon chunk and swallowed, humming at whatever Naruto was babbling to them.
Sai appeared then, slightly out of breath, wiping the sweat from his brow. "These kids never stop, do they?" he said, his tone flat but not without humour.
Sasuke's gaze shifted to the children, his sharp eyes tracking their movements. Sarada, with her determined expression, was chasing Boruto in an energetic game of tag. She looked so focused, her dark eyes narrowing every time Boruto slipped just out of reach. Despite himself, Sasuke felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. There was something almost surreal about seeing her like this—so carefree, so normal. He was glad she was having a normal childhood.
Unbidden, he gasped at the sight, memory of him running after Itachi for training played in his mind, he almost had the urge to throw up because the demise of that memory and that chapter of his life stung and burned his insides. The pang of loss hit him hard.
"Uchiha-san," a familiar soft voice called out to him, breaking the veil of shadows that was encroaching on him.
He turned to the source, Hinata was offering a bento box to him, "This is for you."
He grabbed the box, his fingers brushed her hand fleetingly which she abruptly withdrew with a small smile dancing on her face.
"Is there something special in that, Hinata?" Naruto nudged her shoulder and waggled his eyebrows at her.
She shuffled on her spot, her fingers entwined on her lap and her gaze lowered. "No, just no sweets and more cherry tomatoes." Her voice was soft but steady.
Sasuke had been having a few lunches or dinners with Hinata and her kids, as Sarada liked to spend time with Himawari after Boruto's training with him. She had been very accommodating, giving Sarada company when Sakura was taking the burden of the hospital. He had noticed that she had been taking Sarada and his choices of food into consideration as well.
He didn't thank her. He didn't know how. Her considerate acts hadn't gone unnoticed, but he found expressing gratitude for such gestures difficult. He simply wasn't built for those small moments of appreciation.
The Lover's Day incident wasn't discussed as well, they both were firm about keeping it under the rug, even though Sasuke was curious, to say the least about her abrupt change of mood that night.
"Oh, has he been bothering you, Hina-chan?" Naruto playfully asked.
"Not at all," Hinata replied without missing a breath, lifting her head and glancing at him with an apologetic look that she often wore. This woman loves to apologise for no reason. He noted.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, stuffing his mouth with an onigiri as he tried to tune out Naruto's endless chatter. "Shut up, Naruto. I'm not you."
As the adults were arranged in a loose circle, the children finally came barreling back toward them, breathless and laughing, their cheeks flushed with the excitement of play. Sarada plopped down next to Sasuke, her glasses slightly askew and Himawari latched onto Naruto's lap while Boruto and Inojin were busy trying to wrestle the last of their energy from each other.
"Anyways, we were talking about makeovers!" Ino chimed in, catching the attention of Hinata and Sakura, his wife who had been resting her head on his shoulder straightened, and her eyes gleamed towards the blonde woman.
"Hinata, you had short hair…you should try that again. It has been so long…" Ino drew her knees up and looped her arms around as if to hug and put her chin on the knees and looked attentively to the woman in front of her.
Hinata let out a soft laugh, her fingers absentmindedly toying with the edge of her scarf. "I kept it short because Boruto used to pull on it all the time."
Naruto lightly flicked Boruto at the back of his head, earning a grumble from his son.
"Well, I will be adding some layers to mine," Ino winked.
Naruto groaned, "Why are we listening to this?"
Ino straightened and with a light-hearted grin, she taunted, "Because hair is an important part of our being, but how would you know with that hideous cut of yours! I suggest you should listen too!"
Sasuke managed to snort, earning a half-hard glare from Naruto, who whined with a pout, grown-ass dumbass, "It is not that bad! Right, Hina-chan?" He held her hand from her lap, her body stiffened beside Naruto.
But she mustered a weak smile, "You are handsome."
"Thank you," he gushed and puffed out his chest, bringing her hand to his lips to plant a kiss which she received with a tight smile, "My wife has all-seeing eyes so she is right!"
Sai, who had been observing the exchange with his usual deadpan expression, finally spoke. "Perhaps she approves because you had lice, and cutting the hair is an effective treatment."
Sakura and Ino were giggling at Sai's blunt, socially inept comment, while Naruto flailed around in a huff, trying to defend his hygiene with animated gestures.
Naruto shrieked and attempted to throw a hand at Sai, "I am very hygienic, you fucking-"
Hinata warned, "We have kids here."
Boruto folded his arm on his chest, munching on a cookie, "We know the curses-"
"Still! Behave." Hinata's expression didn't change. She shot her son a single, stern look, and Boruto instantly quieted, retreating behind the cookie with an embarrassed shrug.
Sasuke stretched his arms, his muscles aching slightly from the earlier spar with Kakashi. The surrounding scene felt oddly peaceful, a sharp contrast to the chaos in his head, the he was grumbling about the unfolding scene of Naruto smacking Sai, "Childish."
"Aren't you so high and mighty, Teme," Naruto shot back at Sasuke, hurling a pair of chopsticks his way, missing him by inches.
Sasuke allowed a rare smirk. One of his favourite pastimes, though he'd never admit it, was riling Naruto up too, "Maybe I am."
"Oh please, you both shouldn't start on this fine day!" Sakura clapped her hands between them to create a distance.
"Anyways, I am going to revamp my style! That is final!" Ino plopped a bite of fruit in her mouth and announced as if any of them had any concern regarding that.
Well…one of them had.
"You are beautiful the way you are, Ino-chan," Hinata offered praise, squinting her eyes due to being under the relentless golden light spilling through the gaps of the tree branches and dappling shadows on her skin.
"Awe, Hina! You are so sweet!" Ino lunged at her and swooped in to give her a tight hug, "But I just want a change, we all should! What say?" she pulled away from Hinata who looked down with a blush flushing her cheeks, "I should get Temari onboard too."
"Mine's already short," Sakura said, her hand absentmindedly brushing through her rose-coloured locks. "If I cut it any more, I'll be bald."
"Maybe you should flaunt that massive forehead instead," Ino teased, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously. Sakura winced, throwing a pair of chopsticks at her. Naruto and Sakura were made from the same cloth, he noted.
"Mama, can I go see flowers there?" Himawari tugged at Hinata's sleeve, pointing toward a patch of wildflowers blooming near the edge of the park.
"I will come with you." Hinata rose gracefully, brushing a few stray leaves from her sundress and her bare thighs.
"I want to go too!" Sarada hopped off to go with them, and Hinata smilingly extended her hand towards her.
Sasuke rose from the spot too, Sakura looked up at him with her brows creasing in mild concern, "I will be with Sarada," he mentioned, easing her nerves as relief washed over her.
Boruto and Inojin rushed passed them as well, bellowing about who was going to win the race till the swing. Hinata led the way toward the clearing where wildflowers bloomed and danced in the soft afternoon light.
The silence dawned over them as Himawari and Sarada knelt by the flowers and started to admire by gently caressing the smooth petals. Hinata stood a few steps behind them. Her dress, a soft plum colour, clung to her frame modestly, though she tugged the hem self-consciously as the wind picked up again. Sasuke shifted his gaze away to give her the space.
For a person like Sasuke, silence was a blessing, always had been. But at the moment, under the scorching sun, sweat glistening on his forehead as he leaned on the tree with its roughness painful against his back, he felt like he needed to speak or his mind would keep on sketching the Lover's Day incident and he'd end up asking about the black ribbon, did she keep it, did she burn it, did she throw it on Naruto's face, all that curiosity for that lilac-eyed woman was pestering his mind.
He croaked out, completely unrelated to his concern, but he needed to fill the quiet space between them, "I think you should keep your hair long, you'd look like a mouse with short hair."
Before Hinata could shift her gaze from the kids to him, Sarada shot him a glance filled with exasperation and embarrassment, "Papa!" she shrieked, "You can't say this!"
"Sorry," he shrugged, meeting the eyes of the woman who made him insanely curious.
"Papa, you can't say that and just say sorry," Sarada almost sneered at him, he apologized, didn't sin. Girls are never happy. He mentally noted down another one of the weird learning.
"It is okay, Sarada-chan," she lightly bent down to pat on her head, then straightened, looking deep into his eyes, "I don't think I am going to take an opinion of a one-armed man that seriously." She bit her lip to suppress a smirk, crimson tinting her cheeks.
He felt like the world beneath him was snatched away, he didn't expect the meek little mousey Hyuga to come at him with a force. He had seen her react that way to Naruto, it was always exhilarating. But to be on the receiving end of that, was beyond thrilling. She kept on fanning the flames of his curiosity one way or another.
"You've got quite a mouth on you, Hyuga," he said, arching a brow, his voice low and almost approving.
She didn't reply and looked away with a faint grin playing at the corner of her glossed lips. Her demeanour was modest, humble and docile— not weak. Sasuke decades ago would have considered her weak with that softness of her, or perhaps wouldn't have been so curious about her at all.
But her looks were deceiving, she wasn't overly docile, and she had spunk. She only tolerated anything to some extent or if she persistently put up with anything then it always carried a reason. Like with Naruto. He mentally snickered at his analogy.
"My mother had long hair," he said, the words spilling out before he could stop them. "Women of our clan used to ask her for advice… they admired her style," Sasuke mentioned a memory tucked at some dark corner of his heart, why are you talking about this? He couldn't take his words back.
She said, almost in a murmur, "She was a beautiful woman, I have seen pictures."
Pictures? Where? Only he had possession of the remaining Uchiha district. A bewildered expression shadowed his face, prompting her to clarify, "During the district rebuilding, I was in charge of gathering recovered tangible objects."
He nodded, averting his gaze. Tension suddenly coursed through his veins, clenching his jaw, he refocused on the kids who were almost finished gathering flowers.
"Is that why you like long hair?" she asked, filling the fragile silence between them.
He nodded, without meeting her eyes. She was curious too, he didn't know what to make of that.
"I will sneakily tell Sakura-san," she softly whispered.
He shrugged, "She knows." He wanted to shift the conversation, so he did, "So…will you cut it short?"
"I don't think so," she mused.
"No mouse then," his words were unbounded, having a life of their own.
Hinata's reaction was immediate, a soft laugh bubbling out of her before she quickly stifled it behind her hand, her shoulders shaking as she tried to contain her giggles. The sound, light and chiming, tugged at something deep within him. He stared, momentarily caught off guard. His stomach knotted, but not unpleasantly. Fuck.
"Let's go back," she announced to the kids, seeing the sky with the sun rising higher.
Himawari tugged on her mother's arm, eyes wide with excitement. "Can I go to Nii-san? Please?" She blinked up at Hinata, her big, doe-like eyes pleading. She gave in with a nod.
Both the little girls sprinted towards Boruto and Inojin.
With that, the girls dashed off toward Boruto and Inojin, their laughter ringing out in the warm air. Sasuke watched as Hinata turned, her movements graceful, and began walking ahead of him. The soft fabric of her dress fluttered gently with each step, the summer breeze catching it lightly. He fell in step behind her, feeling the silence settle around them once again.
His mind was wrapped around the concept of his budding curiosity and the strange pull he felt around her* which he ended up concluding as a sign of his hidden humanity craving a phenomenon called friendship. Perhaps! That was what logic had told him about.
All of his thoughts were turned to muddled crap once Ino's barbed voice rang in his ears as she stood with her hands on her hips, with her posture a bit slouched, and her back was turned to the approaching figures of Hinata and Sasuke, both ended up frozen on the spot with what she was saying, "Did you both tell Sasuke about that kiss?"
"About what?" Sasuke asked bluntly, moving past Hinata to stand beside Ino who immediately stirred on the spot.
Sasuke's eyes roamed over his wife and his best friend who were shrinking on the spot, hiding their faces by lowering their gaze, Sakura's fingers were twirling the thread of the checkered blanket and she was chewing her lips. Naruto looked slumped, his jaw was slack and blood was rushing to his cheeks, reddening him in fury.
Sasuke could sense the air around them turning tense, crackling with unbearably heavy energy, his stomach tightened. "About what, I asked!" He seethed. His patience frayed. If there was something that was making Sakura shiver and avoid his eyes while keeping Naruto's loud mouth shut then it was serious. A kiss, Ino said, which kiss, he wondered.
"Uchiha-san," Hinata lightly touched his arm, getting his attention and he cocked his head towards her, noticing the clenched jaw and hardened gaze, "Let's sit down and-"
"No, they were saying something and…" he paused, frowning as the sudden epiphany hit him, "Do you know?"
"It was a mistake, Sasuke-kun." He turned to Sakura who regarded him with an airy tone, she was crouched on the ground and looked up with red-rimmed eyes, her voice shaky, "I was drunk-"
"Sakura-chan…" Naruto began, his voice a low mumble as he shifted uncomfortably, but Ino's sharp jab to his side shut him up quickly.
"We were both drunk…it was a long time ago…Sarada was barely three and I was exhausted and…" Sakura kept on rambling, Sasuke wasn't a child, he knew what the impending revelation was.
Sasuke growled under his breath, "Let's go home." He turned around and was about to lift his arm to wave to Sarada to come to him.
"Sarada can stay with me, you can pick her up in the morning tomorrow," Hinata offered with a low sigh.
Sasuke almost denied, "No-"
Sakura stood up, her presence was shrunken and defeated, "Thank you, Hinata."
Sasuke felt her fingers lightly holding his cloak from behind, unable to hold his hand because his hand was curled into a tight fist. With Sakura clinging to Sasuke, they left with deliberate steps thumping on the ground, stomping the blades of the grass with a crunch.
.
.
.
Sasuke was not a fool.
He understood what had happened.
A kiss. Between Naruto and Sakura. Years ago, almost eight years ago. Around the time when Sasuke had stopped visiting and abandoned his family. His blood simmered at the realization of the timeline.
As they came back home from the park, Sasuke had left to train alone to unwind and let the irritation prickling at him subside. He needed his mind to be clear before confronting Sakura because he definitely was not having the reaction that normal husbands would have.
He thought for hours and hours, with every hit on the wooden target dummies until his knuckles were raw, with every spin and pull of his Sharingan trying to decode the pattern of Kakashi's hits and with every sting and swap through his Rinnegan — he continued to think.
His thoughts swirled with heated coil in his head, searing each chakra pathway and exhausting him, beyond his comprehension. Kakashi had told him to go home and not return to the training grounds for at least the next two days.
His thoughts had led him to the conclusion — with what face do I judge Sakura when I had abandoned her for eight years and couldn't give her the love that she desired?
He strolled on the streets, with sake filling him and almost causing a bile to rise, he stood near the Hokage tower, gazing up at the looming building which encased his best friend, he wished to bring him down by his collar and engage in a quiet spar with no words, nothing, just his fist talking.
Instead, he flicked his lighter, burning the end of his cigarette and pushing it into his mouth, with a deep drag, he let the smoke cause a searing sensation in his mouth and dipped down to tighten his lungs with a sharp tang. Letting out a puff of smoke which danced with its thin tendrils of smoke in the air, he walked away and paced towards his house where a confrontation awaited him.
Entering his house, an eerily stillness dawned upon him, Sarada's absence was evident with the lack of chatter. He sauntered to the living room and plopped on the couch, sprawled as he leaned back and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sasuke-kun," her voice pulled him, he tilted his head and stared at the trembling figure of Sakura.
She approached him, her breathing accelerated, his finger twirling with the sleeve of his shirt that she was wearing. Her face looked ashen, devoid of any colour, her lips looked like she had bitten on them mercilessly. She swallowed as she settled down beside him, her shivering hand lifted and stroked his cheek, he let her.
"It did not mean anything, Sasuke," she whispered to him, her eyes welling up, "We were all drunk, in a bar…Sarada was a handful child, I was so busy with her and exhausted…Ino had to practically drag me to the bar where every one of us gathered…things just escalated when we were dancing…I was…I am sorry."
"I thought a lot," he began, leaning forward to sit straight, she followed his movement and scooted closer to him, her knee touching his, "But I can't come up with anything."
"Sasuke, Naruto and I were ashamed!" She sobbed, leaning into his frame, pushing her forehead on his arm and sniffled.
To say that it didn't sting him would have been a big lie, but what could he do, who was he to do anything after everything that he had been doing, he then gruffly added, "I don't have anything to say." He had no right to even question her, he had left her alone, he had given her nothing.
She held his face in her coarse hands, war-marked hands, the same war after which she had owned him, she brought her face closer to his, "You forgive me?" Her voice was so small, and fear of Sasuke's answer wrangled her being.
Forgive. Could he forgive her? Could he blame her? He had left her, abandoned her to raise their daughter alone while he chased his demons. Who was he to condemn her for seeking comfort in a moment of weakness? Should he have felt betrayed? Nothing within him was making sense, he was affected but the reasons were beyond love, behind love, away from love.
"Hn," he simply nodded.
A smile erupted on her pained face, and a croaky voice came out of her tightened throat, "I love you…and you only." With that, she made herself believe a reality about which Sasuke wasn't sure.
She leaned in to press her lips on his, and an alarm rang in his ears, with a jolt he recoiled and pulled her away from him with a tight grasp on her arm.
Her eyes went wide, her lips pouted, her ache shined with tears in her eyes, "Sasuke?"
He gulped, "No. Not tonight. I am tired."
"You are still angry at me?" She pulled his hand away from her arm and kissed the back of his hand.
He was truthful when he said, "No." He withdrew his hand back from her grasp, and she looked at him, agape.
"Then?" She clenched her jaw.
He avoided her eyes, watching ahead at his furniture, "Nothing, Sakura."
"You don't care, do you?" She abruptly stood up from the couch, arms defensively crossed on her chest. Her tone was bitter.
"What?" He lifted his gaze to meet hers, an irritation surged within him.
Her voice turned from airy to acidic, "If you cared about losing me, you would have been angry-"
He argued, the anger bubbling inside him and needing an outlet, "You wanted me to forgive."
"But you didn't forgive, Sasuke. You simply didn't care that your wife kissed another man…Hinata was angry at Naruto, he had to make up to her. You…you…were simply…accepting. What kind of a husband are you?" She lashed out, her voice bellowing.
Sasuke's mind lost patience and beckoned him to leave, but his heart was thrumming with repressed emotions of a decade ago, and he clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, stood up to face her, "The exact kind of husband you knew you were getting when you continued to idolize me for all those years!" His voice was low and biting.
"You are blaming me?" She pointed a finger at herself, a drape of shock over her features.
"No fucking hell! I was not blaming you at all," he groaned.
Heaving a deep sigh to expel the weight, he glared back at her, "I was blaming myself, damn it! I blamed myself for the damn kiss…because I abandoned you. I left you with nothing. I was the fault, I accepted that and chose to let it go!" He was outraged, His words echoed through the room like the crack of a whip, his feet planted firmly on the ground as though daring it to split beneath him. His voice was raw and guttural.
Sakura's fierce eyes softened as the sharpness of his words cut through her livid barrier, baring the pain he had never fully spoken of—his anger wasn't directed at her, but at himself.
"Sasuke, I thought—"
His eyes blazed, "When will you understand me? When will you know me, Sakura?" He thumbed his temples, hoping to quell the pain throbbing at his center. With a weary voice, he said, "With all the claims of grand love, you never seem to know me at all!"
Sakura's voice almost broke, heavy by the mourning sob wreaking havoc inside her in disbelief, "That is not true! I know you the best!"
"You know the Sasuke you want, " he commented. His emotionless eyes contrasted with charged eyes, "Not the one I am. And that is why you get disappointed in me…again and again!" His tone was icy and measured.
Her lips trembled, "I am disappointed in your lack of love, Sasuke," she told in a controlled voice, anger seeping out of her as she took a step towards him due to which he stepped back, extending a hand as a gesture to break the proximity which suddenly ticked her mind off and her eyes hardened and her words were livid, "This…this…distance, why?"
He taunted, "I could ask you the same thing…if you want Naruto then why me?"
"Don't deflect! I told you, it was a mistake," she asserted, her eyes throwing daggers at him, "Do you have another woman?" she croaked out.
"Huh?" He almost choked.
"There are rumours about you…people say that you left me because you have bastards in Suna roaming around," she posed her question as a mere rumour, he had his mouth parted in shock.
He almost chuckled with a bitter taste in his mouth, "You want to make me feel bad due to your guilt with the kiss? You don't have to Sakura! I already blame myself for our messy marriage anyway!" He rubbed his face with his hand harshly, breathing with ragged gasps, "And those rumours have no basis, you and I both know that!" He clenched his fists, his jaw tightening as he fought to keep his voice steady.
"Yes, I blame you! Yes, I strayed because you were not here. But I am sorry." She slumped down on the couch, her elbows digging into her thighs and her face cupped by her quivering hands. "I love you. Being a Uchiha is a symbol of pride for me. Being yours has always been my dream!" Her voice was muffled, then she looked up, tears streaking her face, "But…I don't understand your distance, your wall! I have waited for you and you can't even give me—"
His mind stormed, raged and needed to shout but he contained the fury within, keeping his voice low and eyes stern at the weeping woman he was obligated to, "You know exactly how our relationship started! And I am trying my best to come to terms with it and act my part, so do not tell me that I can't give you this or that, you knew it before we began this! And…I am not that Sasuke anymore." His words fell like stones into a bottomless pit, each one dragging their relationship down further into the abyss.
That ripped off every emotion from her face, she leaned back and stared at the wall in front of her, gaping with faltered breathing. He didn't want to break her heart, because he was only capable of that, and yet he still did. The devastating blow of his response collapsed on her, leaving her hollow and breathless.
Their relationship was breaking and crashing, for years…but she was unable to see, Sasuke had witnessed it and kept his end of the bargain by keeping it. More than that? He could only try, but knowing himself, he knew he was setting himself up for failure.
He trudged upstairs, with a heavy heart, clenching at the state of his life and his shared life. He tried to rein himself in, to not be deterred in the face of another argument, but even his resolve could break.
.
.
.
Sasuke's hand was on the doorknob, he was about to twist that cold metal but softly, Sakura called out to him, and he turned to her. His face was impassive and hers was tired and tear-streaked, she covered the distance between them and whispered, "I am sorry for my outburst." Her slender frame shook with silent tears, and his eyes softened at her.
His chest hurt, and heaved painfully with each puff of air he breathed, "I am sorry too, for everything." He cupped her face and pressed a light brush of his lips on her forehead, "I am sorry that I am not who you want."
"Sasuke—"
"I will go pick up Sarada," he cut her off, passing a smile at her. He needed to escape this moment, to get away before the hurt inside him became too much to hide. Without waiting for her to respond, he turned and left, the front door closing with a finality that echoed through the quiet house.
The bright sun overhead felt harsh, the cheerful chatter of passersby grating against the lingering tension in his body. His thoughts were a whirlwind, but he pushed them aside, focusing on the path ahead—Naruto's house was just a few minutes away.
Ah, Naruto!
He knew that the entire day yesterday was silent and without that loser's whining because he intended to give space to Sakura and him, but with the new day coming up with the blaring sun overhead and loud streets, he knew the time was not too far when his best friend would jump him for clarity and more whining.
And Sasuke was right.
When Sasuke arrived near the Uzumaki Residence, unbolting the iron front gate, his eyes fell on the man who was on the porch, kissing the cheeks of his little daughter. Naruto walked down the porch and on the cobblestone pathway, came face to face with Sasuke.
"Teme," he almost whispered, his voice had never been that low, and his eyes had a searching shade.
"We can meet in the evening, at our training ground," Sasuke said, putting an end to that puppy look which brightened a bit knowing that Sasuke wasn't resorting to destroying Konoha or cutting off the connection with the Hokage. His choices were healthier — a crazy spar, where he could beat the shit out of Naruto, for not one but many reasons.
"Yes!" He cheered lowly, squeezing the shoulder of Sasuke with a crumbling smile.
Naruto walked away and with a doomed sigh, Sasuke walked towards the house where Himawari was waving at him. As he entered, there was a wafting smell of something sweet and too sweet. He waltzed inside the living room, with little Himawari pattering behind him.
In the living room, Boruto and Sarada were arguing about something absolutely ridiculous which paused when Sarada caught him looking at her.
"Papa!" she cried out, hopping towards him with a pout, "You left me here so you could have private time with Mom?" She wiggled her eyebrows at him.
"We just needed some time," he said as he knelt in front of her and pressed a kiss on her cheek, she acted like she was not affected but her cheeks turned pink and a small smile continued to dance at the corner of her lips.
Before they could talk, a skittish yelp caught his attention, he turned to see Hinata startled holding a tray with that sweet-smelling abomination, "Ah, Uchiha-san."
He stood up, his glance took in the sight of freshly made fluffy pancakes on the tray which she set down on the table, "Sorry, the door was open and Himawari—"
Her voice was like a breeze barely stirring the air. "It is nothing, I was just…surprised," she swatted her hand in the air as a gesture to let go and replied. Her curious eyes lingered on him for a beat or so before the kids ran towards the table with cackles about getting pancakes.
She stood still, licking her lips before she began, she offered hastily, "I will make you something…less sweet." She looked baffled with her slack jaw and searching eyes before she lowered her head.
He shook his head, "No need."
His eyes focused on her demeanour, which was fidgety, she went back to the kitchen and he followed. Leaning on the doorway, he looked at the way she quickly brought the eggs out from the fridge, professionally tapping on the rim of the pan before letting it sizzle on the pan's heat, while it cooked as she sprinkled salt and pepper, she buttered three slices of bread, just how he liked. Her posture was rigid with a slight tremor running along her muscles.
Once she set down the cooked eggs on a plate, paired with the bread slices, she finally lifted her head to meet his gaze which the Byakugan Hime for sure knew was on her all the time.
She sucked in a breath and then pointed to somewhere outside, "Please go sit at the table, Uchiha-san, I will bring you—"
"Where were you?" He asked, strolling with measured steps towards the stove counter where she stood, frozen, with flour dusting her blue apron.
"Hm?" Her eyes narrowed at him, confusion knitting her brows.
Sasuke stopped just a few paces away, his hand reaching out with casual precision to snatch a buttered slice of bread. He took a bite, his gaze lingering on her.
"How did Naruto tell you—" He chewed slowly, each word measured as he swallowed the bread, his question heavy with unspoken meaning.
She gulped, her lips parting slightly before she turned back to the counter, her fingers nervously untying the apron from her waist. With deliberate care, she hung it on a nearby hook, her movements stiff, almost mechanical. "
"I was in the same bar, Uchiha-san." The slant of her smile dissolved, and her eyes had that look which pushed him…away. But he wanted to know what she thought.
"Were you angry?" He pressed.
Her back was facing him as she was stacking up empty containers from the slab, cornering them and cleaning the counter. "Weren't you?" Her voice was clipped, and formal, like she was keeping him at arm's length.
He speared a piece of fried egg with a fork, his grip tightening slightly as he replied, "At myself, yes."
She swivelled around on her feet with an inhuman speed, "What?" she questioned, lifting her eyebrow at him.
He sighed, guilt etching his features, "Not exactly husband of the year, couldn't judge her."
"So, everything is well," she hummed to herself, "Good to know. I was worried." She turned back to have her back face him.
He kept on taking steps towards her, trying his best to find her eyes which she was averting through engaging in mundane and useless tasks. Her focus remained stubbornly on an empty plate or a smudge on the counter that she rubbed clean for the third time. Her hands moved with increasing urgency, stacking and restacking the containers, shoving them into cupboards with a force that betrayed her anxiety.
He cocked his head, approaching her without any hesitation. She turned around, her palms gripped the countertop with force to steady her frame. Her lower back pressed on the outcropping edge of the slab laid above the countertop.
When he was in her space, he could feel the lavender scent soothing his nerves while his breath fanned her face, her jaw clenching and her gaze dipped and focused on her feet, he wanted to hold her and shake her and inquire about her reactions, her pain, her punishment for Naruto — he wanted to see if she had any guilt regarding her relationship with Naruto which made her back off from holding him accountable, he yearned to know if like his, her marriage was a sham too or not.
Tense seconds ticked by making the air around them suffocating to breathe, there was a sullen expression draped over her delicate features, but she was not looking at him and it was pissing him off, he held her chin and lifted her face to see what those all-seeing eyes possessed and they were tinted red around the edges, burned by the tears that she swallowed.
"Were you angry at yourself or him?" His dark eyes turned stormy at her, searching her face for any clue, any hint. His mind was fully comprehending that he was merely her husband's best friend who at times had lunch or dinner at her house, so he should have stayed at a feet's distance and inquired no more.
But his thoughts made him sink deeper and deeper, wishing to grapple with any thread of sanity, hoping to find any fault in her as he himself had in him.
She gasped, her voice was a mere whisper, so soft and so low, he could have missed that if he wasn't standing a few inches away from her, "Him."
His hand dropped from her chin like a wisp of smoke disappearing in the air; losing the cooling sensation from her skin which contrasted with his heated skin. He could feel the weight of her words settling into his bones, twisting the guilt and confusion already gnawing at him.
With that, she tucked the loose strand of midnight hair behind her ear and cleared her throat, indicating that he needed to move away from her space. Her chest heaved heavily, her pale lilac eyes looked sunken.
And he did pull himself away, giving her space to let out a breath that was hitched in her throat.
The lavender scent that had been so comforting to him slipped away, leaving only the cloying aroma of butter and oil in its place.
.
.
.
"Ready, dobe?" Sasuke's voice was sharp and goading, directed at Naruto who stood at a significant distance from him, under the fading light of the evening.
The sky was darkening above them, shades of yellow melting into deep blues and purples, while the moon's pale glow began to rise on the horizon. Under the dull orange light, Sasuke stood clad in black, his presence a sharp contrast to Naruto's white and maroon Hokage robes. They stared at each other, their gazes locked—one filled with bitter contempt, the other with an unspoken apology.
The atmosphere twisted from soothing warm to an undercurrent of chill swirling in the air that was crackling with an energy inexplicable.
Sasuke's lips curled into a smirk, his Sharingan blared to life as the darkness melted into a swirl of red, beckoning Naruto to make the first move who stood with his fists coated in warm energy at his sides.
But Naruto didn't budge, he didn't come lunging at Sasuke like their usual spar, because this was no usual spar, Sasuke's smirk deepened, followed by a dry chuckle. "You won't start today?" He questioned, slow steps bringing him closer to his opponent.
"We need to talk first, Sasuke," Naruto gulped, unclenching his fists and folding his arms on his chest.
"Talk about what?" Sasuke growled, grinding his teeth. This is the man she wants, so why is he still obligated to stay? Drunk or not, Sakura wouldn't have made a mistake like that if there was not anything already simmering between them.
Sasuke charged forward with the burst of chakra lacing his feet, a bolt of blue lightning dancing around his ankle, speeding up his charge towards Naruto, who sidestepped with his stroke of orange wave around him. Sasuke flipped mid-air, landing at a safer distance from Naruto who almost got hit by a chakra-laden fist.
Naruto's orange aura flared around him, engulfing him in an energy that sent shockwaves through the clearing. Each pulse sent leaves scattering and branches trembling, the air itself crackling under the pressure of his power. In response to that Sasuke shoved his hair back and his purple eye throbbed with vibration as it readied itself for a fight.
Naruto's fists flew towards Sasuke in a blur, his eyes catching each one of them to dodge them, his single hand moving with fluid precision to throw a defensive block, his Katana was still sheathed and hung heavy on him but he didn't raise it against Naruto…at least for now.
Naruto stepped closer, sweat dripping from his brow, "It was a mistake, we were both drunk."
"That's all you both have." Sasuke swapped himself with the boulder behind Naruto and materialised behind him before Naruto could turn around and block the intense punch plunging at his lower back.
Naruto stumbled backwards, his Kyubi Chakra cloak cushioned most of the impact of Sasuke's fist but despite that a wince erupted out of Naruto's mouth, making him lose his breath as he staggered back.
"It never happened after that. We apologized to each other, we are best friends, I respect Sakura-chan a lot."
"I know you do!" Sasuke growled, confusion bubbling up inside him, what was he fighting for, he wondered because he had already expressed to Sakura how he couldn't judge her for her actions. But because it was Naruto who had made the error, that was why Sasuke was eager to land his punches.
Perhaps there was aggravation towards Naruto because if he had stepped up at the right time, Sasuke would have been free of any obligation towards any person.
Perhaps if Naruto had chosen Sakura…then things would have turned out much differently. Much better. Sasuke would not have become a failure of a husband, who couldn't bring any satisfaction to his wife.
Perhaps that was why he was mounted by his frustration with his failures and letting it all out on the one man who could take his hits.
Sasuke's attacks became frenzied, fueled by frustration. He rolled in the air, his hard boot kicked at the side of Naruto's jaw, Naruto skidded backwards with its force and he attempted to regain his balance on the ground with a growl.
To keep Sasuke away from him, Naruto had sent a flurry of fists and kicks to Sasuke through his four clones who circled Sasuke, he smirked and huffed, his hand sliced through the air with a flash of low-impact lightening streams coiling around his fists which delivered rapid strikes and dispelled the clones in a burst of smoke one after another.
Naruto had regained his strength and balance, standing up on his feet, squaring his shoulder, he regarded him with a softer look making him look dazed, "I am sorry, Sasuke."
Sasuke knew Naruto wanted to end the madness and go for a drink or Ramen, but Sasuke wasn't finished, his mind was still perplexed by the thwarting realities of his life, he hated being bound yet he was bound to a life he never desired and never could live.
Exhausted by the incessant thoughts evading his peace, he lunged forward, to Naruto's surprise of course and his fist howled with the chirping of a thousand birds and glowed with Chidori crackling the air.
Naruto's face struck with a puzzled expression, surprised to see Sasuke luring him with an attack like Chidori.
Sasuke thrust his fist towards his friend with a speed which was embarrassing for the likes of him, but he intended to just show off the intensity of the burn clawing his insides.
Naruto gathered his senses in a few seconds and zipped past Sasuke, avoiding the searing and flaring pain from an electric-coated fist. Instead of Naruto, the fist collided with the tree, splintering it into pieces with a deafening crash.
Dust and debris were kicked up, the air was polluted by the surge of chakra. As the smoke began to clear, Naruto stood behind Sasuke, squeezing his shoulder. Naruto's heavy breathing matched Sasuke's, he lowered his hand as the remnants of Chidori faded and his onyx eye returned from the pool of crimson.
"You are jealous, aren't you?" Naruto whispered in his ear from behind.
Sasuke grumbled, turning to him, "Of you? What do you think of yourself?" Sasuke huffed with a snicker. The anger ebbed, leaving only exhaustion in its wake.
Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, the blood trickling down the corner of his lips, "I mean…I am sorry—"
"It doesn't matter now," Sasuke gravelly added. "It was not about the kiss anyway."
Naruto stared at him, still bristling with leftover guilt, but he could feel the truth in Sasuke's words. He released a heavy breath, letting the last of his tension drain away.
"Yeah… I could guess. Do you want to talk about it?" The heat of battle fizzled, replaced by the tension of words unspoken, emotions unexpressed.
Sasuke glared at his friend, "No."
The two stood there for a moment longer, the remnants of their fight settling in the air. There was no victory, but there didn't need to be. They both understood—there were some battles you couldn't win with fists or jutsu.
Finally, Sasuke turned and began walking away, his dirtied cloak billowing slightly in the breeze, "You are still an idiot," he muttered under his breath.
He heard a screeching laughter, Naruto caught up to Sasuke's retreating figure and slipped his arm around his shoulder, "Yeah yeah, but at least I am not a bastard," he remarked.
"Get away!" Sasuke almost whined, the heaviness on his shoulder lessening with the protective arm of his friend around him but Naruto didn't have to know about it.
Sasuke mulled if Naruto also judged him, for his lack of reaction, or he simply attributed that to Sasuke's aloof and distant personality.
Naruto cried out, jumpy on his feet, his voice carried a hint of amused excitement, "We are going to eat Ramen then drink till we pass out."
Sasuke wanted to but he needed space too, confused about his dilemma, he denied, "No." Naruto grinned, undeterred, his eyes twinkling with their usual mischievous light as he dragged Sasuke towards Ichiraku Ramen.
Weary sighs from Sasuke and unbound excitement from Naruto continued for a few passing minutes.
"You fought with Sakura-chan, she told me…it was not about the kiss, but a fight." Naruto pulled away his hand from his shoulder and tensely walked beside him, his excited steps turned to slow steps which felt like he was dragging himself.
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched at Naruto's words, his gaze sharp and assessing.
He was wondering if the years he had been gone led to some new interesting developments, they sure did, "She told you?"
Naruto's steps faltered, his usual light-footed pace slowing as he glanced down at the scattered pebbles on the road.
His foot kicked at them absently, sending a couple flying into the distance. "We meet at lunch usually. She comes from the hospital to Hokage Tower during her lunch break…It is our tradition for a few years."
Sasuke mused, his voice barely audible, "Tradition."
Naruto started to fumble, his rambling became unbearable. His face flushed with discomfort as he stumbled over his next words. "It is nothing bad. Like…we both are just…like…we just spend some time together for peace, nothing else…"
Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't jealous, nothing burned within him, no envy clawed at his insides, and there was no desperate need clenching at him to rip off Naruto's hair, "Fine."
Surprise etched on Naruto's features as he blinked, then gradually that dumbfounded look melted and a goofy and ridiculous grin stretched wide on his face. His eyes finally gleamed with unrestrained elation, "I knew you'd understand," he prattled, "Sakura-chan was just worried, I told her that it is your personality…you don't react to many things like normal humans."
Sasuke asked, rubbing his chin, eyes dazed by the lack of sleep, "She wanted me to be jealous?"
The sky was a midnight-coloured curtain over them, an enticing time to just drown himself in drinks and fall into a deep slumber, quelling the voices in his head and silencing the buzzing thoughts.
Naruto shrugged, there was a foreign unsaid emotion teeming behind his eyes, "Normal husbands would have."
"Would you?" Sasuke had to strike back, to keep himself occupied with Naruto's impending babbling rather than have a mental breakdown about the actions of a normal husband which he definitely was not.
"What?" Naruto almost tripped over his feet.
Sasuke brought up the elephant in the room, or more like in the street, "Would you be jealous if any other man kissed your wife?"
For a fleeting second, Naruto's expression faltered. His grin wavered, his shoulders tensing. But he quickly tried to shake it off with a broken chuckle, as if the idea itself was laughable. "Ah…Hinata…she would never." His eyes avoided Sasuke who was having a wildfire heat lapping at his insides, ready to create chaos.
"Why?" Sasuke pushed.
Naruto swatted his arm and exclaimed, with a cheer that hit his eardrums and even the people who were passing by them, "She loves me!" His words rang out with forced exuberance, his voice too bright, too loud.
Sasuke was not Sasuke if he didn't rattle the hyperactive man he called his best friend, "Oh, does she?"
Naruto almost latched onto Sasuke's collar but noticing that they were across Ichiraku, on a busy street with known faces passing by and offering waves and nods, he retreated and simply gritted his teeth.
He snarled with a hiss, "What do you mean?" He sounded less assured.
Unbidden, a smirk tugged at the corner of Sasuke's lips, "Just wondering," he snickered.
"Shut up," Naruto snapped, his face flushed with irritation. "You don't understand feelings. You'd probably be more jealous of my strength than the fact that I kissed Sakura-chan."
The door chimed as they entered Ichiraku, the clutter of people had their eyes pinned to the two vigorous and unyielding shinobi, "So you initiated it?" he asked as they settled on their booth.
Sasuke leaned back and breathed deeply, knowing the answer at the back of his head. The scent of spicy ramen wafting in the air buzzed his head a little too.
Naruto shook his head, letting out an exasperated gasp, visibly perturbed by the line of questioning directed at him.
"No, she did."
His body tensed, despite knowing the answer in his head, his body stirred with slithering tingles crawling up his skin, gripped by hollowness.
"Wow." That was what he could say out loud.
The noise banging in his head yelled at him, to break free, to wander to the end of the world, to escape, to settle somewhere called home — because everything here was breaking and crashing, beyond repair.
The pressure in his chest felt scalding and scorching, nipping at his insides, forcing him to mourn with the searing sensations.
But…Sasuke knew that affliction all too well. For it wasn't the first time when he broke and crashed. It was his destiny to have fractured bonds.
Nothing true, nothing pure, nothing entirely his was ever in his life. His nerves, his veins, his bones, his flesh, his soul, his heart and his mind — everything strained under the burden of the life he was living and the life he couldn't live.
.
.
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A/N: I think your reviews definitely motivated to bring this to you this early! Keep your love coming, and I shall serve you hehe!
Let me know what you think think of the characters and SasuHina and their budding 'thing'.
Any idea how things will go ahead?
I focused on Hinata's character in chap2,3,5 a lot and 1, 4,6 are mainly sasuke's. This chapter is to show Sasuke in a wider spectrum, his motivations and his lack of will. Overall, it was so fun to construct this version of LOST and PURPOSELESS Sasuke.