Ch 142: Karate Ditz
This chapter is based on the episode: Karate Star. Enjoy.
In the Loud house, Lynn is preparing herself a meatball sub using her karate skills (like the time she and Lincoln used those skills to make sandwiches). When she is done, it turns out perfectly.
Lynn: Well done, Lynn-sanity. Now time to chow down.
Lynn prepares to eat her sub sandwich, but then one big meatball slips out of it and falls into her open mouth. It gets lodged in her throat, causing her to start choking. Leni enters the kitchen.
Leni: Hey Lynn, do we have any mayonnaise? [Lynn tries to perform the Heimlich maneuver on himself, Leni realizes her sister is choking] Oh, no! She's... not right! Don't worry, sis! I'll help you! [Leni does the proper Heimlich maneuver on Lynn, forcing her to cough out the meatball]
Leni: Lynn, you ok?
Lynn: [relieved] Ah, Leni, thank you so much! I was almost a goner! I guess you're not so air-headed after all.
Leni: Like I've said before, there's more to my head than just air.
Lynn: If there's anything I can do to return the favor, anything at all... you just let me know. Anyway, back to my lunch. [goes to eat her sandwich]
Leni thinks about what Lynn told her and gets and comes up with something.
Leni: Hey, can you teach me how to do your martial artsy thing?
Lynn: What, you mean karate?
Leni: Uh-huh!
Lynn: Oh, Leni, Leni, Leni... my dear, dear sister. Karate is a delicate art, a skill that would take you a long time to-
Leni: If I recall correctly, I seem to remember saving your life a minute ago.
Lynn: Yeah…however…
Leni: I also remember you saying, "If there's anything you can do to return the favor, anything at all... to let you know." You taught Lincoln karate long ago and it did cause him some trouble but it made everyone happy with his and your combined skills.
Lynn: Well, that's true, Leni, but karate is about finesse, not so much brute strength. You see, there's so much you don't know. You have not even scratched the surface of the surface. [Leni runs over]
Leni: Then teach me.
Lynn: As you wish, just remember one thing. With power, comes responsibility.
Leni: Oh yeah! Mama!
Cut to the training, which begins outside.
Leni: Okay. Let's start off simple. This is a basic move called "the reverse whirlpool."
Leni: Reversy whirpey... Got it! [Lynn lays on head and twists feet, she starts moving and blasts through the objects]
Leni: Woohoo! That was awesome!
Lynn: Think you can handle that?
Leni: Yeah! Yeah! [does the same thing as Lynn] Ha Ha Ha Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! [continues laughing] Hey, how do you stop this thing? [heads towards Lola and Lana's lemonade stand]
Lana: Hit the deck! [the twins scream and run away as Leni destroys the lemonade stand]
Cut to Lynn teaching the next stage of karate training to Leni.
Lynn: Now, this is very easy, watch closely. [does a one-foot spinning move] Haa-haah. You got it?
Leni: Definitely! [does the same but spins out of control and drills deep enough to cause a pipe down below to be leaked. However, Leni gets back up] I'm okay.
Leni: Leni, I didn't want to have to say this... but you're... you're unteachable. [walks away]
Leni: What?! I...! [gets mad and chops through cinder blocks] Dang it!
Lynn: [looks in amazement] Look what you did to this wall of cinder blocks. In all my years of training, I've never seen a perfect slice. No one's ever been able to execute such a clean karate chop through solid cinder!
Leni: Wow!
Lynn: You're a natural! A karate genius!
Leni: Cool!
Lynn: [holds out a steel bar] Now let's put your new skills to the test. This is sharpened, tempered steel. Now don't be frustrated if it takes a few tri- [Leni cuts it in half]. Wow. Amazing!
Next, the jock digs out a big chunk of diamond.
Lynn: This is a rare, aquamarine diamond, solid as a rock. Think you got what it takes?
The ditzy blonde attempts to karate chop the diamond but misses.
Lynn: Ahhh... better luck next time. [the diamond suddenly splits in half]
Leni: Yeah! I bet I can chop anything! Maybe I could help Mr. Grouse out by chopping his grass or that big tree on our lawn so we could get more sunlight.
Lynn: Leni, remember what I said earlier?
Leni: I'm a genius?
Lynn: Not that! [pulls out a tape recorder]…this. [Lynn's voice on recorder] With power…comes responsibility. That means use your karate chopping wisely. Understood?
Leni: Yesss…
Lynn: Good! [her watch beeps] Oh man, I'm late for the gym. [runs] See you later, sis. Don't forget what I said!
Leni: Okay! I'm a genius!
Cut to Leni in her room, looking for something in her wardrobe closet.
Leni: Now where did I put those….there they are. My new sandals. [puts on her new sandals which look exactly like her old ones, then she tries to leave but the closet doors are locked] Oh no! I looked myself in! [she remembers her new karate skills and resorts to chopping through the closet to to free herself, causing some damage] …That's ok Leni. Lynn said to use my chops wisely and that was totes a wise decision.
Later at Lynn's Table, Mr. Loud is polishing his spatula and Leni enters the restaurant.
Lynn Sr: Oh, hiya Leni.
Leni: Hiya Dad.
Lynn Sr: What can I do for you, kiddo?
Leni: I'd like a HIYAAA!
Lynn Sr: A... What?
Leni: I said one Loud Chicken Combo. Don't you speak karate?
Lynn Sr: [blinks in confusion]
Soon Leni gets her meal, which is a bucket of chicken, chicken fries, chicken sauce and a large drink. She sits at a table, getting ready to eat.
Leni: Looks delish. [notices a fly buzzing around her] Ugh, pesky fly. [swats at it as it tries to go for her food] Buzz off! [then she goes overboard as she uses her new strength and accidentally chops the table in half]
Lynn Sr: Leni! What the ding dang heck do you think you're doing?
Leni: I was just using my karate power to defend myself.
Lynn Sr: Against a teeny fly? Don't you think that's a bit much?
Leni: Lynn was the one who called me a karate genius! And, frankly, I'm offended by your previous accusation. I don't need this! I beg you good due. [she leaves]
Lynn Sr: Lynn taught Leni karate? [referring to the broken table] This'll come out of her paycheck.
Cut to Leni walking off and then sees something alarming. The eighth grade bullies from middle school are picking on some kid, one bully taking the kid's hat and keeping it out of his reach.
Kid: Come on man, give it back!
Leader bully: If you want it, you gotta catch it runt. [he's about to throw it, but Leni interferes]
Leni: Hey! [she gets their attention] Not cool. Leave the kid alone.
The bullies laugh.
Female bully: And what are you going to do? Give us a makeover?
Leni: You dare mock this fashionista? Then feel my mad chops! [leaps at bullies and they attempt to fight back, but Leni uses her chops, which are powerful enough to knock the three jerks into a pile]
The bullies get scared and run off, screaming. Leni returns the hat to the boy.
Leni: Here you go.
Kid: Thanks miss.
Suddenly, Leni chops at the kid's hat in half.
Kid: Hey!
Leni: Oops. Sorry. [she walks off] Maybe I should take it easy on the chopping. But I feel like it's caused by a strange impulse, or maybe something's wrong with me? [suddenly her arm starts chopping the air as if it has a mind of its own] No! Stay down! [she grabs her arm and takes control of it]
Cut to Leni going over to Gus' Games n Grub.
Leni: [sniffs] What is that wonderful smell? [walks up to a guy coming out with a pizza] Whatcha got there?
Guy: Pizza pie in caramel sauce. You wanna bite?
Leni: [chops the food] I'm sorry! [runs inside the pizzeria/arcade] Maybe a game will help me relax my reflexes. [goes to the arcade section where kids are playing, but then chops an arcade game in half, kids freak out and run away] OMG! There is something wrong with me!
Meanwhile at the gym, Lynn is using the bench press when a male gym member runs into the gym.
Gym member: Help! Help! There's a mad chopper on the loose!
Lynn: Mad chopper?! Leni!
Gym member: We need the cops, kid!
Lynn: Cops? No, that won't be necessary. I'll handle this, citizens.
Gym member: Don't do it, kid! [grabs her ankle]
Lynn: Unhand my ankle, sir. My sister needs me.
Gym member: You don't know what you're doing! Don't walk out that door! No...!
Lynn rushes to the mall where she notices some people running out of the mall and panicking. Katherine Mulligan is seen.
Katherine: This just in, a mad woman is chopping everything. The suspect is considered blonde, ditzy, and dangerous.
Lynn: Yep. Leni's in there alright. [rushes inside and sees Leni thrashing things with her one hand
Lynn: Leni, what are you doing?
Leni: Lynn, thank goodness you're here! I need help. [chops a kiddie ride]
Lynn: Yeah you do. You're destroying the mall!
Leni: I know! The horror!
Lynn: Just stop with the chopping, okay, Leni?
Leni: I can't. [her arm moves on its own] Watch out! [slapping the jock away, but Lynn immediately recovers]
Lynn: Leni, stop it! You're not using your chops responsibly.
Leni: I'm serious! It's like this thing has gained a mind of its own.
Lisa: [walks over] Pardon me, but I overheard your commotion. I believe Leni has a condition called alien hand syndrome, likely caused by some damage she did earlier.
Leni: Oh, I remember that.
Lynn: Well I guess I gotta take matters into my hands. [rips off her clothes revealing a karate outfit underneath] Everyone get out while you still can!
The citizens comply, getting out of the building leaving Lynn and Leni by themselves.
Lynn: I challenge you to a fight!
Leni's sentient hand growls at Lynn. Lynn makes a fighting stance, ready to battle. Leni's hand grabs a large picture frame throws it at Lynn. Lynn grabs it and throws it back at Leni, which she chops in half. Then Leni's hand charges at Lynn, attempting to strike her but Lynn dodges the attacks, then leaps over to a stand with ninja stars. Lynn tosses one at Leni and she chops it in half. The jock leaps at the fashionista and they engage in hand to hand combat, with Lynn rapidly blocking Leni's chops. The fight gets more intense and destructive that an entire store comes crashing down around them. Leni emerges from the rubble.
Leni: Lynn! Lynn? Lynn! Lynn! [spots a mannequin that looks like Lynn] Oh no! What have I done? I've…killed my sister! [cries and hugs the mannequin]
A store employee emerges from the debris.
Employee: That isn't your sister. That's just a mannequin.
Leni: [looks at it closer and throws it away, becomes relieved] So I haven't crushed the life of one of my little sister?
Employee: Um... I wouldn't say that. [Points her to rubble covering the jock]
Leni: [sees the pile of rubble] Lynn! Oh no! [pushes rubble off her sister and gasps] Ohhh, I'll never forgive myself [cries] No! I'll never forgive you! [points to her hand and hits her hand against a hard nearby surface, breaking it and causing her some pain]
Lynn: [wakes up] Oh, hi, Leni. What did I miss?
Leni: Lynn, you're okay!
Lynn: [notices Leni's broken hand] Leni! Your hand!
Leni: Don't worry, Lynn, I did everyone a favor. And I'm sure Lisa can find a cure for my crazy hand syndrome.
Lisa: Perhaps I should. There's a possibility that my Smartypants invention you wore a few weeks ago damaged your brain and caused this.
Leni: Well, after this experience, I vow to use my hands only to join things together, starting here!
Cut to later where Leni has helped rebuild the mall with her other hand while her broken hand is in a cast. She had also used her years worth of savings to pay for the damages.
Leni: I may have spent a year's worth of savings but it was worth it.
Lynn: Nice job though.
Leni: Thanks. I'm glad I gave up karate. Quite frankly, it's just not my thing.
Lynn: Aw man, I split a nail during that fight.
Leni: [looks at Lynn's finger] Looks like you could use a manicure.
Lynn: I don't need no girly manicure.
Leni: I guess you're right. Your nails could never be as perfect as mine. [shows her sparkly, polished nails]
Lynn: [entranced] Teach me your ways.
Leni: Hmm…I guess I could. Very well. But remember, with perfect nails comes responsibility.