Ch 144: Louds Got Talent
This is a parody of the episode: Culture Shock. I worked hard on this one. Hope you enjoy it.
The chapter begins with an exterior shot of Lynn's Table. There are no customers inside. The Loud kids are helping out, but there is not much to do. Lynn Sr. is standing next to the 'FREE' salad bar. Lola is reading a "Dance Now!" ballet magazine and imagining her head on the dancers. Lincoln is wiping dust off tables, Lucy is cleaning the windows, Luan and Luna are playing cards, Leni is on her phone, Lynn and Lana are drinking out of the soda machine, and Lisa is experimenting with condiments while Lily is painting on the menus.
Back to Mr. Loud still standing next to the 'FREE' salad bar, attempting to retain his smile. A piece of paper flies through an open window.
Lynn Sr: Hmm... I just don't get it. [holds the 'FREE' sign] If a free salad bar doesn't bring in customers, what will?! [Lola is dancing] Guys, listen up! There's gonna be some changes around here.
A customer walks in. Lynn Sr. gasps.
Lynn Sr: A customer! Welcome to Lynn's Table! [runs up to the man with a chair and seats him. Brings him back to the table] Lincoln, cater to his every whim. And don't screw this one up.
Lincoln: [with a pencil on his side, saluting] You got it, Pops! Welcome, sir! Here at Lynn's Table, [points at the guy] you are the valuable customer, and I am your waiter. You just say the word and your wish is my command! May I take your order?
Guy: All I wanted was change for the payphone. [shows the dollar]
Lincoln: Right away, sir! [runs off quickly and comes back with change. Talking in a French accent] Monsieur's chángé. [snaps his fingers]
Guy: Thanks. [laughs nervously and leaves a penny on the table] Here you go. [runs off]
Lincoln: [brings the penny over to his dad] This is all he left.
Lynn Sr: [takes it] This isn't even enough to buy a gumball. I'm doomed!
Cut to Lynn Sr. putting the penny away in his safe in his office.
Lynn Sr: [talking to his kids] Now as you may have noticed, profits are way down this month. [pulls down a chart with red zig-zag lines going down] We've got to think of a gimmick to bring in customers. [pulls the chart up] Do you kiddos have any ideas?
Lynn Jr: I've got one! [takes out a tray with a soda and a jockstrap] A free lucky jockstrap with every purchase!
Lynn Sr: I think that only benefits your sports team, LJ.
Lola: Ahem. [continues reading the "Dance Now!" ballet magazine]
Lucy: Or maybe 'Midnight Meal Madness'! Everyone who comes here at midnight gets a spooky surprise in their meal. [pulls out a fake beating heart which creeps the others out]
Luna: Dude, we're trying to attract customers, not scare them away.
Lucy: It's not real…..unfortunately.
Lana: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I know! I know! I know! How about 'mouth full of garbage' day! Everyone who shows up with a mouthful of garbage... [talks with mouth full of trash] ...gets a free drink! Huh? Huh?
Leni: Gross, Lana.
Lynn Sr: Well, uhh, I was thinkin' more along the lines of live entertainment.
Lola: [gasps] That's it, a floor show! Wait, a talent show! With your host, me! [runs up to her dad with stars in her eyes] This is the moment I've... [eyes return to normal] I mean, we've been dreaming of. Think of it, Dad, you will be responsible for bringing culture to this cultural wasteland we call Royal Woods! And not to mention, the money.
Lynn Sr: The money? [Lola is lying on the table]
Lola: And I can see it now... our names, mostly mine, up in lights.
Lynn Sr: My kids…as stars?
Luan: Ooh! A talent show! I'm talented!
Luna: Me too!
Lynn: Count me in! I gotta call my friends. [runs off]
The others start discussing the talent show.
Lincoln: I bet you can guess what I'm gonna do. [pulls out magic wand]
Lisa: Meh. I don't care to participate, but perhaps I could assist with mechanizing the stage.
Leni: And I could be the curtain designer.
As the others go to prepare, Lily stays behind.
Lily: Lily want to be in talent show. But Lily not sure what to do. [the youngest Loud ponders what her talent would be as she walks off]
Lola and Lynn Sr. shake hands.
Lynn Sr: Lola, you've got a deal. Go out there and shine. And make me lots of moolah!
Cut to Lynn's Table being redecorated for the talent show. Lola is writing notes on a notepad.
Leni has designed the red curtains with sparkles and sequins.
Lola: Leni, you did a lovely job with the curtains.
Leni: Thanks.
Lily: Hey Lola, what time is Lily goin' on?
Lola: Going on what?
Lily: The show! When am I goin' on the show? Lily found great act!
Lola: What talent could you possibly possess?
The baby takes out a stuffed teddy bear and activates it. It comes equipped with a hat and cane. Both perform their tap-dancing act.
Lily: Ta-dah! [Lola yawns]
Lola: That's cute, but not good enough for a talent show. [Lily frowns] What the people want is culture! Not dancing stuffed animals!
Lily: Okay, Lily get it! Don't worry, Lola, Lily going to come up with the most cultured act ever!
Lola: I can hardly wait. [Lily runs off] Phew. The only culture that kid has is in her baby shoes. [laughs] Baby shoes. I crack myself up.
Later that night, the talent show at Lynn's Table is about to begin where people are outside conducting interviews and the Loud kids and friends are inside talking and getting set-up. A taxi passes by and Katherine Mulligan comes out.
Katherine Mulligan: We are now at the Lynn's Table Talent Show featuring the finest talent in the town…
Lily: [peeks out from behind the curtain] Wow! A full house! [gasps] There's Lily's teacher! [Dr. Shuttleworth shakes Rita's hand]
Rita: Hello, I'm Rita Loud, and I believe we've met before.
Dr. Shuttleworth: We have indeed. [then she shakes Lynn Sr's hand]
Lynn Sr: Lynn Loud, owner of Lynn's Table.
Lily: I gotta get ready! [Lola gets everyone's attention]
Lola: Alright, listen up people, listen up. Gather around everyone, chop, chop. [performers gather around] Now, you may be thinking this is your one shot at the big time. Well, it's not. It's mine.
Lily is trying out an act, spinning a hula around her waist, but fails to keep it place.
Lily: Dang it. This isn't Lily's talent either.
Then Lily tries balancing a bucket of fish on her head, but fails at that as it falls over.
Lily: Dang it.
Lola: Lily, is that supposed to be your cultured act?
Lily: Lily trying hard to find good act.
Lola: Look baby sis, if you really want to be in the show, you can mop up afterwards. Save yourself the embarrassment. [gives Lily a mop and walks off]
Lily: [sighs] Maybe Lily not meant to be in talent show. Maybe Lily would make great janitor instead.
The show starts and the crowd applauds. The pageant girl comes out and gets the cue cards that are in her fancy pink dress.
Lola: [clears throat] Uh, good evening and...and welcome to the first annual Lynn's Table Talent Show. Hosted by yours truly, Lola Loud. And sponsored by Lynn's Table, the best family restaurant in Royal Woods.
Lynn Sr. and Rita cheer.
Lola: Uh, thank you, heh. Our first act is a comedy show from Luan.
Lynn Sr: Hooray! [the curtain rises for a small clown car that drives around a bit, then out comes Luan dressed in her clown uniform] Hey folks, who's ready for some funny?
The crowd cheers.
Luan: And I didn't come alone. [on cue, other clown performers who are Luan's friends come out of the little car]
Luan: Let the show begin!
The clowns perform various circus acts. One clown acting like a seal and balancing another clown on his nose. A big clown jumps through a hoop but gets stuck in it, making the audience chuckle. The clowns are stacked on top of each other while one clown rides a unicycle and they fall onto a giant whoopee cushion, making the audience laugh again. Then Luan throws pies at them and hoses them with water from her gag flower. The audience laughs again.
Lynn Sr: [laughs] That's my girl!
Luan: That's all we have time for. Hope you enjoyed the show. You've been a great audience.
The clowns bow to the audience before going back in their tiny clown car and driving backstage. The audience applauds. Lola comes back onstage.
Lola: Our next act is gymnastics by Lynn and her roller derby team. [goes offstage as the audience cheers]
The stage flips over to reveal balance beams, trampolines, and other gymnastics equipment, due to Lisa working the stage like a machine with her remote. Lynn and her friends come on stage dressed in gymnastics clothing.
Lynn: This is for Lynn's Table!
A song similar to "Are You Ready for This" plays and the gymnastics perform flips on the trampolines, cartwheels on the mats, and Lynn does some tricks on a parallel bar, then jumps on a balance beam where her friends join her and she lifts them all. The audience applauds as their performance ends. The team goes backstage and Lola walks back on the stage.
Lola: And now poetry by Lucy with music accompanied by Luna.
She goes back. The curtain opens and Lucy is on a stool and Luna is sitting down on the floor with bongos and dressed like a beatnik.
Lucy: [clears throat] Poets, musicians, beatniks, guitar pics. We are some of their biggest fanatics.
As Lucy is reciting her poem, Luna plays the bongos. Rusty and his brother Rocky are watching and Rocky is awestruck.
Rocky: [in awe] He has such a way with words.
Lucy: Vampires, roadies, old dead toadies-
Lola: [checks her watch as Lucy continues her poem and Luna continues playing bongos]
Come on, come on, Ginsburg, if she doesn't hurry it up, we're not gonna have enough time for the best act... me! [Lily walks up]
Lily: [as the audience applauds] Lola, should I use Mr. Cleanser or Dr. Clean?
Lola: Yes. [walks away]
Meanwhile, the audience applauds as the curtain opens, revealing Lincoln in a magician costume and a sign that says 'The Amazing Loudini!'
Lincoln: [holding a magic wand] I, the amazing Loudini, with the use of prestidigitation... [turns his wand into flowers] ...will make household items appear before your very eyes. [throws the flowers aside] Alaka-shing, alaka-zam!
A couple household items appear, such as a coffee maker, board games, a small couch, a lamp, a fan, a bicycle, and even Lisa's secret invention. Lisa took notice of this.
Lisa: Wait, is that my secret invention?
The audience was impressed.
Lincoln: Now I shall transport this stuff back through my magic hat.
Suddenly, Lisa's invention was pulled away by some magnet, which was controlled by Lena Shroud!
Lena: Yes! The secret invention is mine! [laughs maniacally and runs toward the door, but Lincoln appears out of thin air and stops her at the exit]
Lincoln: Nice try, Lena. [grabs the invention]
Lena: [growls] You may have won this time, but you're not the only one who's learned magic!
[snaps her fingers and transforms into a magician] Shi-ya Ka-zing!
The young prodigy claps her hands and ignites into a mini-explosion. The smoke from the explosion clears and she is completely charred.
Lena: Well, this stinks. [looks down at the floor, defeated]
Lena walks out of Lynn's Table as the audience boos. Lisa sighed in relief.
Next act was Lana and her frog Hops doing ventriloquism and Lana was using the frog as a dummy. Lana drank some soda and instead of her burping, it was Hops who let out a huge burp. Some laughs were heard from the audience. Lola peeked from behind the curtains.
Lola: What an ameutuer act. Good thing we saved the best for last. [then Lola slips on the floor] What the-[notices the floor is all wet since Lily is mopping] Lily! Take it easy with the mopping!
Lily: Lily just practicing mopping the stage.
Lola: Well, don't mop until the show is over. I need to be in good condition for my act.
Lily: [walks away, disappointed] Lily can't even mop right.
Lincoln notices his youngest sister looking upset.
Lincoln: Hey Lily, why the long face?
Lily: Lily wanted to be in talent show but Lily can't find special talent.
Lincoln: What do you mean? [takes out Lily's painted menu from earlier] This is your special talent.
Lily: [gaps in realization] Painting! Of course. Lily was too focused on being so good in talent show to see true talent.
Lincoln: Just remember, Lily, it's not about doing the best act. It's about doing an act that you can do. Trust me, the audience will be impressed.
Lily: [smiles] Thanks, big bwadda. Lily knows what to do now.
Cut to the "supposed" last talent act of the night. A bunch of spotlights gleam around Lynn's Table.
Lola: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. We've saved the best for last. Put your hands together for... [all streamers, confetti and purple, pink and blue balloons fall everywhere] Lola Loud, the disco queen!
Plays a movie-esque sting as the 'Lola Live' words blink in pink and green lights as the crowd applauds. The curtain opens and the background shows the Grand Canyon. The pageant girl proudly enters the scene in a sleeveless leotard. The audience suddenly stops clapping and stares blankly. Lola dances with birds, accompanied by classical music. Then, the lights go dark and music becomes disco house as Lola dances weirdly. Makes weird noises as she dances after the first part of her dance. The vocals "pose for the fans" are heard in the music.
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Customer: What the...?!
Lola continues to make weird noises and dance weirdly. Two kids run over to the salad bar and throw tomatoes at Lola as the crowd erupts to a chorus of enraged boos.
Rita: Oh no, poor Lola.
Lynn Sr: I'm losin' money on this deal!
Rita: [surprised] Lynn!
Lynn Sr: Sorry. Not the time.
The crowd continues to boo both angerly and loudly. Lola gets angry too.
Lola: You tasteless clowns! You don't even know talent!
Crowd: No talent! No talent! No talent! No talent! [curtain closes as Lola leaves in extreme frustration and fury]
Lily: Hey, Lola, can I go on now? Lily found true talent. [holding a painting canvas and brushes]
Lola: No, show's over!
Lincoln: Don't listen to her, Lily. Go on.
The crowd continues to boo and chant "No talent!" as the youngest Loud sibling walks out and begins painting. She paints rapidly and with two brushes and paint, Crowd gets interested in this. Lily shows her painting of the Mona Lisa and the audience applauds at her.
Lola: They want an encore! [goes back onstage and shoves Lily] Stand aside, Lily!
Lola jumps out and the crowd grows silent. She goes backstage in frustration and Lily continues painting and crowd cheers again. Lola jumps out again and the crowd instantly becomes silent again. Lola is angry. She goes backstage and takes Lily with her this time. She puts Lily out through the curtain. The crowd cheers again. Then she puts her own head through the curtain and the crowd goes silent. Lily's arm gets a cheer, but Lola's arm does not. Lily's leg is shown then curtain rises and Lily is painting to the crowd cheering. Curtain closes then opens to reveal Lola painting and the crowd goes silent. Lola stops and she is angry. She paints on a bigger canvas to impress them, then raises her hands up in a ta-da moment, but someone in the crowd throws a tomato and Lily takes the brushes and paints again, making the crowd cheer again. Backstage, Lynn Sr. and Rita bring up a wheelbarrow full of cash. The other Loud siblings gather together.
Lynn Sr: [as the crowd chants "We want more!"] You did it, Lola, what a great show!
Rita: Oh, our baby's a star!
Lisa: I always knew he had such talent.
Lola pouts, clearly upset that Lily is getting all the praise.
Lincoln: Tough break, Lola. But on the bright side, you did come up with a good idea of having a talent show.
Lynn Sr: Maybe you should stick to your pageant skills. And I'll be needin' another wheelbarrow for next week's show!
Lola moans. The crowd throws flowers at Lily as the show comes to an end.
Epilogue
After the talent show has ended and the customers have left, Lola is still backstage, disappointed that she let her arrogance get the best of her. She actually felt like she wasn't so great and felt bad for how she acted towards Lily. That's when Lily came over to her.
Lily: Wowa, are you ok?
Lola: [sighs] Lily, I'm sorry I said you weren't good enough for the talent show. You truly do have an amazing skill.
Lily: Lily forgives you. Also, I made you something. [takes out a painting of Lola doing a cute pose] Hope you like it.
Lola: Oh Lily, I love it! [she hugs her sister and Lily hugs her back]
Lily: You're welcome.
The two sisters walk offstage.
Lola: Say, you've got to help me come up with a theme for next week's talent show. Maybe the most uncultured acts.