SOMETHING FISHY

Based upon the episode by Paul Larson and "Journey Beyond Sodor" by Andrew Brenner

Adapted by Zack Wanzer and Rachel Ravens

Original lyrics to "Who's Thomas?" by Andrew Brenner and Oliver Davis

Because of his trick on Arthur, James had been assigned to run the Norramby branch line until further notice. The branch line starts out at Vicarstown before reaching a junction beyond Henry's tunnel and heads south towards Ballahoo. From there, it either rejoins the main line at Crovan's Gate or continues eastward towards the fishing village of Norramby. The village is also home to a lovely beach and a bustling wharf, where lots of watercraft come in almost daily.

The wharf is also home to a large blue gantry crane by the name of Beresford.

"Engines never stick around for long…" he muttered. "First Derek runs off, den Emily and Bear can't decide who to run de line… Whatever next?"

His answer came in the form of an engine's whistle. Beresford turned around to face whoever had blown it.

"HALT!" he commanded; he dropped a stack of fish crates down on the line. "Who goes dere?!"

"Hey, watch it!" cried James; the trucks all bumped into each other. The red engine wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ugh… of all things, it's fish!"

"What's the big idea?!" exclaimed Old Bennett.

"Yeah, watch it! said Suncole.

"Er… hello there," said James, looking up at Beresford. "Is this the wharf for the Norramby branch?"

"Yes, of course it is," said Beresford. "Why wouldn't it be? Did you not see dat sign over dere?!"

"I was only asking just to be sure," muttered James.

"Well, sometimes, you don't know where you're going," said Beresford. "Take me, for instance. Sometimes, I go back here…" He moved towards his left. "Whoo-hoo! And sometimes, I go up here." He moved back to the right. "And I can spin around and look at de view from every direction." He did just that, only for his hook to bonk him square on the nose once he'd stopped spinning. "Oof! But I've never been to other parts of de island. What's it like, eh?"

"Oh, don't ask him," scoffed Suncole. "He's never really jaunted down the branch lines before."

"There were a couple of times he went to Edward's branch," said Old Bennett. "Couldn't stand Bill and Ben at all!" The trucks cackled at that, much to James' annoyance.

"Ohh, these trucks are very annoying!" said James. "Please, Mr. Crane, could you lift your crates so that I can shunt my return train?"

"And why exactly should I let you go?" scoffed Beresford. "You haven't even answered my question yet!"

"Question?" asked James. "What question?"

"Who goes dere?! Meaning… Who. Are. You?!"

"Oh, I'm James," replied the red engine.

"James?" asked Beresford. "Who's James? Hmm…" He then began to sing:

"James? You're James? Well, I don't know who James is,

So why should I let dis James simply hurry on his way?

James? You're James? Speak up now, I'm asking you,

Who's James? What's James? What have you got to say?"

James responded in kind:

"I'm James, I'm a red engine, I usually work the main line.

I'm working on this branch line because I'm learning a lesson."

"Mmm-hmm?"

"I don't know why I've stopped here, apart from this fish you dropped here,

So if you could lift them up again…" Beresford just frowned and refused to do as James asked.

"Oh, what do you want to know?!" cried James, before the trucks began singing themselves.

"He's stuck, he's stuck, and James is his name!

He wanted to be important, now he's only himself to blame!" The trucks giggled madly, much to James' annoyance.

Then James looked to see Beresford lift the crates off of the tracks and began to move forward, but he soon stopped as the crane dropped them once again, as if he wasn't done yet.

"James? Who's James? I've never heard of James.

Nor me! I know! You're me! Dat's true! I'm talking to myself! Ahem…

Now, James, little James, ("Hey!" James took offense to that comment) you say dat's what your name is,

But I still don't know who you are, so tell me something else!"

"I'm James, I'm a red engine, and some would say that I'm vain,

And maybe I'm a little vain because I tricked Arthur."

"Yeah!" called the trucks.

"But I was simply jealous, and not thinking of others

I wish I'd chosen differently and see my friends again."

"He's stuck, he's stuck, he'll have to tell his boss!" chorused the trucks.

"If we don't get a move on, then Sir Topham will be cross!" They laughed once again. By this point, Beresford looked sad.

"So many places you could go, so many things to see.

And like de birds up in the sky, an engine's life is free…" Beresford tried holding the final note, but his voice cracked, causing James and the trucks to wince. Taking notice of their reactions, Beresford cleared his throat before resuming:

"So engines always rush about, dey never like to wait. Pah!

Dey always have some reason like dey're late, or late, or late…

But if you'd like to travel on, you must do something more!

You'll have to tell me something new I've never heard before!"

"Something new?!" James repeated.

"Something new!"

"Does it have to be true?"

"It has to be truuue!"

James didn't know what else to say at this point. "Ohh, now what…?" The trucks seemed to answer for him.

"He's stuck, he's stuck, he hasn't got a clue!

He doesn't know what to say at all, he doesn't know what to do!"

"Ha-ha! Is dat right?" chuckled Beresford.

"Oh, could you be quiet back here?!" snapped James. "I'm trying to think!"

"Don't try too hard!" teased Suncole.

"You'll burst your boiler!" added Old Bennett.

"Poor James," said a third truck. "This new crane, he only just learned his name!"

"That's it!" James realized, before singing once again:

"I'm James! I'm James! But you've never heard of James?"

"No, I've never heard of James," replied Beresford.

"But that's my name, it's true!" By this point, James had begun backing away to a set of points and his driver changed tracks.

"I'm James! I'm James!"

"Yes?"

"And if you've never heard of me, then when I said I was James,

I was telling you something new!" By now, James was puffing onto the other track, underneath Beresford.

"Something new?!"

"And having told you that, I think we're through!" finished James, puffing away from underneath Beresford as quickly as he could.

"Wait! What are you doing?!" the blue crane cried. "James! Come back! My name's Beresford, by de way!" Once again, his hook bonked him right on the nose, causing it to go red. "Thanks for asking…" moaned Beresford as he watched James puff away.

"Can't believe I managed to get away from that kooky crane," said James. "One minute longer, and I think I'd have gone bananas!"

"Is there another chatterbox on this island?" asked Murdoch.

"That's the understatement of the– Murdoch?!" gasped James. "Of all engines, I wasn't expecting to see you again! Welcome back."

"Aye, thanks, James," the big engine replied. "So, who on earth is this, er… 'kooky crane'?" he asked.

"Believe me, you don't want to meet him, Murdoch," sighed James. "If he drove me mad, then you would be driven up the siding." He glanced back in surprise. "Isn't this one of Henry's usual trains?"

"Henry got into an accident at Tidmouth sheds," explained Murdoch. "Ah was put into work before Ah could be repainted. Many o' mah siblings were either green or black, and Ah was thinking o' a color that would make me stand out."

"Ah, I get the feeling," said James. "My siblings, including myself, were all black. I chose this red paint to stand out… and to remember Glynn." Murdoch raised a curious eyebrow. "He was the last of the Coffee Pots," James explained. "I… I think he was scrapped when Sir Topham Hatt wasn't looking."

"Most o' mah siblings are gone too," sighed Murdoch. "Beeching Axe; they were so young."

"Gosh, Murdoch," gasped James, "I'm sorry to hear that–"

"James the Red Engine!" James looked over to see Sir Topham Hatt walking over towards him; he did not look happy. Murdoch's guard blew the whistle and he left.

"I heard from the wharf manager that you were late getting here," said Sir Topham Hatt. "Spending too much time talking to Beresford."

"It wasn't my fault, sir!" protested James. "That crane dropped a load of disgusting fish crates on my line and refused to let me move!"

"After playing that trick on Arthur, I'm not so sure I can believe that excuse, James!" said Sir Topham Hatt.

"But, sir–"

"I don't have time for this, James!" said Sir Topham Hatt. "I have to get back to work. Good day!"

James groaned as Sir Topham Hatt walked away. "First I get dirty while taking the Queen the Sodor to be scrapped, and now I'm blamed for slacking off! This just isn't my week…"

Later that day, Murdoch was talking to Arthur; both were at Knapford with their trains. Arthur had the red coaches in tow.

"How was James handling the branch line?" asked Arthur.

"About as well as Ah handled the sheep," sighed Murdoch. "Some crane named Beresford was givin' him grief."

"Beresford?" gasped Emily; she had Martha and Julian in tow. "Oh dear… He said he would lose it if there wasn't a permanent engine for the branch line soon."

"Really?" asked Arthur. "What's he like, Emily?"

"Well… I'm sure he's a good crane deep down," said Emily. "But… he's rather lonely."

Just then, the engines and coaches heard Sir Topham Hatt grumbling as he got into his office. "Goodness, what's bitten him?" asked Sean.

"He was cross at James," said Murdoch. "Ah dinnae stay long enough tae figure out what that was all about."

"Just curious, Murdoch," said Mick, "but was James late meeting up with you at the junction?"

"Only a couple o' minutes," Murdoch admitted. "Ah was busy collecting myself tae– oh!"

"What is it, Murdoch?" asked Arthur.

"Ah think that's what happened!" gasped Murdoch. "Beresford did something tae delay James, and that's why Sir Topham Hatt was cross."

"And he was cross at James?!" cried Harry. "Has Sir Topham Hatt lost his marbles?!"

"We have to straighten this out," said Arthur. "Tell you what; I'll go down to the Norramby branch to help James and talk to Beresford tomorrow."

"Good plan," said Murdoch. "Ah'll talk wi' Sir Topham Hatt as soon as Ah can."

Early the next morning, Arthur traveled to the Norramby branch line with a goods train.

"Hmm… I hope the tracks are switched correctly," he said. He gave a whistle to the Skarloey engines as he passed Crovan's Gate, and they whistled (tooted in Rusty, Fred and Flyer's case) back. "Those little engines sure have a lovely line…" he said to himself.

As he ventured on, Arthur started to see the sparkling line of the sea and smell fish. "Wow…" he gasped. "Oh my goodness… this is beautiful!" He wished he could admire the scenery a bit more, but then he heard a commotion.

"You won't get past me so easily dis time!"

"What are you doing?!" cried James. "Stop that! You've blocked both lines!"

"Hello again, James!" said Beresford. "Last time we met, you played a cheeky trick on me and ran away just as we were getting to know each other too! Dat wasn't a very nice way to end our conversation."

"Well, guess what?!" huffed Arthur. "Blocking lines and getting James in trouble with Sir Topham Hatt wasn't the best way to start a conversation either!"

"Arthur?" gasped James. "What are you doing here?"

"Murdoch told me about your predicament yesterday," said Arthur. "And I want to help too."

"So, let me get dis straight," said Beresford. "If I unblock dese lines, den what would you two do, hmm? Run away again, no doubt! And I'll be left all on my own again with nobody to talk to. Now, why don't you tell me all about your adventures? My name's Beresford. We could be friends."

"Beresford," said Arthur, "you can't just make somebody your friend by making them stay with you. What if they have other places to be?"

"Quite right," huffed James. "I was already in hot water with Sir Topham Hatt, and now I was blamed for something that was your fault! If the fish wasn't bad enough, you're even worse!"

Beresford gulped. "I… I just… wanted someone to work here full time…" He started to lift the crates he dropped on the line. "Go now. To make up for lost time."

"Finally!" James rushed off in a cloud of steam. "The sooner I get away from this smelly lot, the better! Thanks, Arthur!"

Arthur managed a small smile at the red engine. "Not a bad start, Beresford," he said. "But you'll need to work really hard to earn James' trust."

"I guess so," sighed Beresford. "I'll tell Sir Topham Hatt de truth."

James steamed as fast as he could along the line. "Can't be late this time…" he muttered. "Sir Topham Hatt won't mis-blame me…" He wrinkled his nose as the smell of the fish drew nearer. "Phew!" he exclaimed. "How do people like this stuff?!"

"I don't mind a kipper every once in a while," said the fireman.

"Yes," agreed the driver. "They taste great."

"You're welcome to them," huffed James. "Ugh… this is getting too much for me… Uh, driver, fireman, am I meant to go this way?!"

"It's an old pier!" cried the driver.

"Get clear!" James called to his crew. The driver and fireman jumped clear, but James wasn't so fortunate, as the pier wasn't built to hold the weight of engines…

SPLASH!

The trucks, however, became uncoupled and had rolled onto the line James was supposed to be on.

"He's fallen in the water!" laughed a truck.

"He's a real fish now," remarked another one.

"I thought he was supposed to deliver the fish, not swim with them," laughed a third.

"How are we going to get that fish delivered now?" moaned James. "It'll go off in this weather!"

And unfortunately, James was right. The ice keeping the fish cold was already starting to melt.

Meanwhile, at Knapford…

"Really, Murdoch and Emily?" gasped Sir Topham Hatt.

"Aye, sir," said Murdoch. "Dinnae James try tae tell ye?"

"I thought he was making excuses given that–"

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted an assistant, "but you're wanted on the telephone."

"Oh, bother that telephone…" sighed Sir Topham Hatt. "Hold that thought, you two." When he answered the phone, he was surprised to hear what James' driver had reported. "Right, I'll send for Arthur to help. It shouldn't take too long for him to get there. Harvey can take Judy and Jerome."

Arthur raced over. "James! Are you alright?" he cried.

"Never mind about me!" said James. "Can you get this fish delivered? I think it's starting to go off!"

"Of course, James," said Arthur. "Don't worry; Harvey, Judy and Jerome will be here soon." The burgundy tank engine was coupled up to the fish trucks and pushed them the rest of the way to Vicarstown.

"Not bad, Arthur," said Bear. "That was a close call." The workmen had gotten to work putting in fresh ice.

"Glad I could help," said Arthur. "Now everyone can get fresh fish in the markets and shops."

Bear raised a curious eyebrow. "You… like the smell of fish?"

"Yes, I do," said Arthur. "I could live on the Norramby branch, if I was allowed to, that is. I think James wouldn't mind that much."

"Well, maybe you can tell Sir Topham Hatt," said Bear. "I think James would be begging you to take it off his buffers."

Later on, Arthur came down to Crovan's Gate with a passenger train; Harvey, Judy and Jerome had brought James into the Steamworks.

"Thanks, Harvey, Judy and Jerome…" trailed James.

"Ah, think nothin' of it, James," smiled Harvey. "Just doing our job." The crane engine puffed away.

"How are you feeling, James?" asked Arthur.

"Honestly, not great," sighed James. "I'm glad to be out of the water, but I don't think I can put up with hauling fish on a regular basis. Getting a branch line of my own isn't worth the smell of fish. Not to mention Beresford… I can't handle him."

"So it was true after all…" trailed a voice. Sir Topham Hatt got out of his car; his hat was in his hand.

"Oh dear…" muttered James. "I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to get switched onto that old pier–"

"That wasn't your fault, James," assured Sir Topham Hatt, raising a hand for silence. "And neither was the delay yesterday. I am very sorry for blaming you for that. Emily and Murdoch told me everything, and Beresford confirmed it."

"Er… thank you, sir," gasped James.

"Now," said Sir Topham Hatt, "Henry should be out of the Steamworks soon. And as for the Norramby branch line… we need an engine to work there permanently."

"Could I please do it, sir?" Arthur blurted out. "James doesn't like the smell of fish, but I do."

"And Arthur's already starting to handle Beresford," added James. "It was thanks to him I was able to try and make up time."

"In that case, the line is yours, Arthur," said Sir Topham Hatt.

"Oh… thank you, sir!" cried Arthur happily. "I won't let you down, sir. I promise."

Now Arthur runs the Norramby branch line. He loves the wharf and fishing village, and always makes time to talk to Beresford. The crane is a bit abrasive sometimes, but Arthur knows he's just lonely and wants someone to talk to. Arthur is also in close contact with the Skarloey engines, seeing them at Crovan's Gate.

"We're glad to be seeing you each day, Arthur," said Peter Sam.

"Likewise," smiled Arthur. "I think I'm going to love it here on my new branch line."

As for Murdoch, as soon as time allowed it, he was finally given a new coat of paint, along with the number seventeen on his tender. The engines were very surprised by the color that was picked.

"Orange?!" cried Diesel. "That's… different."

"Well, wi' it, ye will see me coming a mile off," chuckled Murdoch. "Ah did say Ah wanted tae stand out."

"Can't argue that," said Henry. "Welcome to the team, Murdoch."

With that, the engines all happily slept at Tidmouth sheds. It was a bit crowded with Diesel and Harvey sharing the same berth, but they made it work… for now, at least.

THE END

Author's Comments

Here's the final part of this four-part saga... with a twist! Yep, since Beresford's subplot in Journey Beyond Sodor wasn't included in the rewrite, Rachel and I have repurposed it to be a part of Something Fishy, serving as part of James' arc in this saga. After having to put up with Beresford's forceful attempts at making friends and the smell of fish, James is more or less put off of the idea of having a branch line of his own, thinking that it's not worth the extra fuss that goes with it. I do think Beresford gets a lot of unwarranted flack and his reasons for acting why he does is pretty understandable; you just can't force people to be your friends, and I feel that was handled better than Frankie's arc was, although it's still debatable how much of a purpose he serves, but I digress. Beresford being a Sodor resident is an idea taken from All Engines Go, (albeit he still keeps his Caribbean accent; apologizes in advance if, for some reason, I butchered it with his dialogue!) although from what I've read, he doesn't have a permanent allocation. Norramby Wharf is a combination of the Wharf as seen in Series 10-12 and the Mainland Canal from Journey Beyond Sodor, within proximity of the Fishing Village, and that's where Beresford lives. He's no longer lonely now that Arthur works the Norramby line permanently (Molly and Sidney do eventually join as well), and of course, Murdoch has been repainted into his orange livery, with the number seventeen on his tender in red with green lining.

Upcoming rewrites:

- Oliversaurus

- Elizabeth the Vintage Lorry

- Kelly's Windy Day

- The Monster of the Lake (Bad Day at Castle Loch)

- Not So Hasty Puddings